Why Her?: 6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind

by Nicki Koziarz

If success is defined in the eye of the beholder,  who are you letting behold your success?

Nicki Koziarz is confronting the comparison Why her?  Through two striving sisters in the Bible, Nicki uncovered six truths’ we need to hear when trying to measure up leaves you falling behind.

These six truths will help

·      Stop staring at her success and find satisfaction in yours.

·      Find contentment with your life without being complacent in who you are becoming.

·      Gain godly wisdom to answer the Why Her silent question of your soul.

Someone will always be ahead. But that doesn’t mean you’re behind. Because Truth, like always, will set us free. And free women don’t have to measure up to anybody. Not even her.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Christian Living, Christian Non Fiction, Self Help, Religion

226 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 6, 2018

About the author

Nicki Koziarz is a wife and mom to three girls plus a handful of barnyard babies. She is an inspirational author, Bible teacher, and speaker with Proverbs 31 Ministries. Nicki leads from her own brokenness that somehow God is making meaningful.

Reviews

[Kelly Hodgkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is packed with humour alongside wisdom. I love Nicki's fixer upper farm, Fred the donkey and the anecdotes Nicki shares about her family. The best part of this is the way she weaves biblical truths into it so I now remember the truths because of the stories.

Broken into easy-to-digest sections with biblical truths and practical application, this book has it all. I love the challenges like “Compare+Compliment+Calculate the cost= Take control of comparison” which has three scenarios to explain it and biblical truth to back it up! It also has easy to share quotes like “God’s purpose isn’t a battlefield for competition. It’s a safe haven of calling.” which I can hear myself sharing amongst friends and discussing.

I want the mindset shift described by her 6 truths:

You need to be honest
See it like it really is
You don’t always have to be ok (this one is FOR ME, I swear!)
Sometimes you didn’t do anything wrong (loved this one too)
Her gain is not your loss
Let others’ success and struggles steer you (such wisdom)

Wow, if I can do that, what a massive change!

Intellectually, I loved how she tackled one of the toughest stories in the Bible to understand: Rachel and Leah! It’s one I categorised as confusing but "Old Testament" but spending time digging into these verses, taking on each of their burdens and really understanding them was fascinating and enlightening.

Practically, this book is chockablock! My favourite applications are the questions she poses for me to ponder like “1. does it come from a place of jealousy? 2. does it line up with Word and character of God? 3. Does it make God look great?” as well as the ones that call us to change our behaviour today like working on your calling rather than the Netflix binge.

Other favourite lines include:

"God didn’t bless Leah for any other reason than for why He Blesses us - to help her know she was loved by Him…"
"God designed us with a desire for community. Comparison convinces us that community doesn’t exist for us."
"Abundance. God doesn’t do anything halfway. So what are you taking back today?
One thing I’ve come to fully understand about my soul is this: I’m the only one who can take care of it."
"What is a situation in your life you need to choose insight over offence?"

Nicki has an amazing gift, she has the ability to bring Old Testament characters like Leah and Rachel to life in a way I gain a new understanding of familiar texts. She relates these to her modern day anecdotes which I can apply to my life and share biblical wisdom I can live out today! She has reframed comparison and given a strong way in which I can tackle in a God-centred way. Five out of five and highly recommended!

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5⭐
This book was practical, humorous, had lots of scripture, and definitely showed me some areas I struggle with and need the Lord's continued help and strength in.

Some quotes that really spoke to me.

"Success is in the eye of the beholder so who are you letting behold your success?"

"There's an ultimate goal for each of us, More and more like Jesus and less and less like anyone else."

"My opinions don't really matter because when you decide you are going to live a life based on the truth of God opinions aren't really worth a lot. Truth is truth and my opinion only matters to the degree that it lines up with biblical truth."

[Bethany Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book we follow along the story of Leah and Rachel and their struggle with comparison. There were a couple things said I could have went without but overall it was a good book. The book points you back to Christ when you feel like your life isn’t measuring up to “her” life.

[Patricia Kettell cordell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who’s Your “Her”

If you've ever sneered at someone and thought "I can do that better than her." Or if you've wished you had what "she" has. Or if you thought you missed out on being given that certain talent...then this book is for YOU! That's right! YOU! Author Nicki Koziarz hits the nail on the head with this comparison thing...scratch that, comparison trap. She will show as she walks us through the "6 Truths We Need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind" is truth that we need to have deep in our souls so we can become all God created us to me. This book will make you laugh, cry, and I bet you'll be nodding your head in agreement as Nicki shares her own personal struggles to show you...she's been there, and she gets it! Enough about what I have to say, y'all just go get this book.
Thank you B&H publishing for the advanced reader copy! And just so you know, I loved this book so much, I pre-ordered 3 copies for my friends.

[MaryJo Cyr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow ladies. You are in for a treat if you decide to read, “Why Her?” Nicki Koziarz speaks what all of our hearts go through. As a Christian, Nicki speaks the truth in love but also with honesty. Oh that dreaded comparison game we all play. We try not too but yet, it’s so hard, isn’t it? Nicki, lovingly and truthfully walks us through “6 truths we need to hear when measuring up leaves us falling behind.” Nicki uses her words in a beautiful way that brought much blessing to my heart. This quote from “Why Her?” really touched my heart - “there is always beauty in the midst of our burdens, and a God who blesses us there.” Treat yourself to this gem. It will open your heart to live in a way that will help you to rejoice in others successes. Nicki says to us “instead of being competitors, we are learning to live as women who complement each other. Oh my friends, such peace and freedom this brings to our weary hearts.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing! Nicki shares he life in this study of Rachel and Leah and makes it so easy to relate to our own lives. This book changed my way of thinking on comparison! If you need a new perspective read. This book!

[Melissa Henderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Filled with honesty and heartfelt truths, author Nicki Koziarz shares feelings that many women experience on a daily basis. Comparison is learned from an early age and how we deal with comparisons truly affects our lives and the lives of those around us. In this book, learn how to turn those negative thoughts around to realizing the blessings God has given us. The Biblical story of Rachel and Leah are used as examples. Also, true life stories from the life of the author show how even though we all have struggles, with God's help,we can turn those struggles around to be blessings. This book is filled with practical wisdom, humor and lots of love. I received a copy of this book from the author and publisher and this is my personal honest opinion.

[Donna Robertson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

I truly enjoyed reading this book. I found a lot about myself in it. I am the only girl in my family so I have no sisters for which to compare myself with but I do have a sister-in-law. She is a wonderful person but she is the opposite of me in appearance. She is tall and thin and I am not. When we first met, I thought she was everything that I thought my parents wanted me to be and I was totally lacking. This is me recognizing the first truths in the 6 truths I am being honest. Over the years, I realized that my sister-in-law is not perfect but human like everyone else. When I let go of comparing myself with her, I was able to allow her to be my friend.

While there are several chapters that I can identify with in this book the two chapters that I truly believe were written for me were chapters 7 & 8 under the Truth Four “You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong” I can relate to when you think that you are going to get pick for something but when I didn’t get picked, I wonder what I did wrong. One of the quotes in the book that stood out for me is “We have to trust God so much that if He doesn’t give it to us, we don’t want it”. This has been so true in my journey. It happened even recently. I thought my job was going so well and I was even given a promotion. The company then decided to outsource my job to an outside vendor and God gave me the courage to seek a position with this company. Not only did I get the Job, I also am allowed work from home and one of the people that I work with has become one of my best friends. God has a plan and when we work according to His plan, everything works out the way they are supposed to do.

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the exact thing I needed to read. Ms. Koziarz used personal anecdotes to weave biblical truths into her book “Why Her?” And it worked seamlessly.
As women, especially, we find ourselves playing the comparison game and it’s just not fair. It’s not fair to us or others.
With humor, humility, and heart. Ms. Koziarz told it like it is. She used scripture to back up each of her truths and laid it out simply for the reader in the context of Rachel and Leah and the love God had for each of them.
On a personal note, I can’t tell you how much this book has helped me. I struggle with jealousy and insecurities just as much as the next person. And this book helped put things in perspective for me. I’ll be coming back to this one often.

[Rosie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ladies, this book might just be the best purchase you ever make if comparison and jealousy are often a battle! As a kid and then teenager, I often struggled with wanting to look as thin and pretty as my friends but I didn’t know how. Most of my friends had boyfriends before I did, and I felt so left out. It’s easy to think, “Why her?” in circumstances like that. However, this book will bring freedom to you.

Nicki Koziarz writes from the heart, sharing her own struggles and offering grace and truth for us. She’s been through it. She still goes through it. And it’s her experience with this struggle that creates an inviting environment to grow. Hearing from someone who “gets it” is refreshing. Because then you know with certainty that you aren’t crazy.

I wasn’t able to relate with everything in the book, but out of the six truths Nicki shared truth four hit me super hard. There were little things throughout the whole book that spoke to me and helped me. That’s why I’m so convinced it will help you if comparison is a thorn in your side.

There are many stories in the Bible where things weren’t fair. Nicki chose to use Leah and Rachel and wow! That story stirs up so much emotion in me. Anger toward Laban. Deep hurt for Leah. Disappointment in both ladies for their actions toward one another. Nothing about this story could be considered fair or just. Yet, it is what it is. They couldn’t change their circumstances much like we can’t change ours.

You don’t have to covet someone else’s circumstances to still struggle with comparison. Sometimes there will be a fleeting thought in my head, like “must be nice she can do that” but it doesn’t stay. I actually felt like I have a good grip on comparison. That is, until I read this book. Ladies, this book stepped on my toes in all the right places. It addressed minor things I’ve struggled with, as well as reminded me of some hard truths that I need in this season of life.

Wherever you are in your journey, know that this story is unique to YOU. No one else can do life like you can. No one is able to do what YOU can, exactly how YOU do it. You’re irreplaceable. Don’t let comparison steal that from you. You should love who you are, respect who you used to be, and appreciate the God-given story you possess.

So instead of asking, “Why her?” Ask God, “What can I do today to bring You glory? How may I honor You with my actions and words?” Let Him work through you, dear lady. Go change the world!

I received a free copy from the publisher in return for an honest review of my opinions, which I have done. Thanks!

[Karren Hodgkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

In an age where comparison is encouraged on so many levels, the message of this book is clear, it is unhealthy to look at another from this perspective. Digging deeper into “Who I Am” and what gifts have I been blessed with by God, would be time better spent. Understanding your self-worth, what you can contribute and an abundance mentality, are better for all of those around us.

The author explores the story of Rachel and Leah from Genesis, throughout the book to illustrate the damage that seems inevitable when we choose to live our life from the perspective of, “Why her and not me?”

We have a choice, we don’t have to listen to the lies that can play in our heads. The author notes that “Comparison brings out our competitive streak, which eats away at our contentment, which then destroys our confidence until we are fighting to keep up with an unrealistic standard.” Another quote that resonated was, “When a woman learns to listen to her unwell soul clues, she will become much less likely to let the struggle of comparison ruin her.”

She outlines a soul care strategy made up of three components; 1. Identify your three Ns (the noise, the notifications and the nosiness), 2. Find your happy, 3. Catalogue your compliments.

Truths she encourages us all to embrace are; 1. You need to be honest, 2. See it like it really is, 3. You don’t always have to be OK, 4.Sometimes you didn't do anything wrong, 5. Her gain is not your loss, 6. Let the success of others encourage, not discourage you.

I hold onto these thoughts, “Never settle for the seed of comparison, my friend. You are more than this. You are way more than anyone could ever compare you to.”

This book aligned with others I have read. It is an enjoyable read that I can recommend.

With thanks to B&H Publishing Group, the author and NetGalley for my free copy to review.

[Tracye Goad · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know a book is more than just some words on a page when you feel layers of lies begin to fall away and chains break as you read. That's exactly where I found myself as I read Nicki Kozaiarz's "Why Her?" book. She writes from a place of honesty that immediately grabs you and says this is a safe place to be transparent and vulnerable, a place that allows God to begin to replace those lies with His Truth. Though her words grab you, with her humor and down to earth "REALNESS", it's His Word that transforms you. As she teaches about the brokenness of comparison by using the story of Rachel and Leah, you'll find the beginnings of restoration in your own wounded heart. I most certainly have and continue to feel that growth well after I put the book down (though I'm back reading it again!). Through Nicki's tender hearted writing, constant pointing to Scripture, challenging questions for self reflection, and constant encouragement, you'll find that you will begin to have the strength to move from surviving to thriving in being the YOU He designed you to be. Her 6 truths have the potential to have long lasting ripple effects on women rising up confidently, boldly, and effectively as they take back what they've given away to comparison. This is the kind of book so many hearts are craving and I'm thankful for her obedience in writing it! *Received an advanced copy from B&H publishing, but this is an honest review.*

[Rosalinda Avilez · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am blessed to have been a part of Nicki's Why Her? Launch Group. I received a complimentary copy of this book by B&H.How many of us ask this question more times than we would like to admit it. How many times have we been paralyzed right after asking the question Why Her? See as I started my journey to read this book I thought it was something I had overcome and I wanted to read this book to not only confirm that but also to be equip to help others. But as soon as I opened this book I realized that no, comparison is still a struggle for me. One of the many things that spoke to me was The sneaky "must be nice" thoughts that come up in my life and are at The very root of comparison. This book had helped to be honest with myself and invite God to come and clean my heart and mind. The awesome thing is that God will help us through the story of Leah and Rachel, He will open our eyes. Nicki is so vulnerable and honest with us. She shares her testimony and through God's word gives us 6 Truths that will help us when the question Why Her? comes up again. I will like to invite you to not only buy this book but sign up for the upcoming Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study starting on April 9 to May 18 https://proverbs31.org/study/online-b....

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review. I loved this book! I just read Nicki's book "5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn't Quit" not long ago. I loved her style of writing, so I was super excited for this book. Nicki has a way of writing that is lovely!! It is easy to understand, it goes back and forth between the bible story and characters it is based on to stories from her real life that are so easy to relate to. She has a way of bringing the lessons from the bible into our modern day world and providing us practical ways to apply these truths to our life today. Excellent book and I cannot recommend reading this enough. All woman can get something from this book. Most likely after reading it you will walk away finding ways you are comparing yourself to others and coping with it that you never even realized you were doing. Don't miss out, you want to buy this book!!! I have to add that even if I had not been given a complimentary copy, I would absolutely have purchased this book anyways.

[Beverly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found Nicki’s book convicting, comforting, inspiring, and thought-changing! As Nicki opens with her own story, it’s as if you are sitting face-to-face talking with her. She makes it so relatable and easy to reflect on your own life and story. The six truths that Nicki covers help to see comparison for what it really is, a battle that can cripple us. I needed this book to help me with my own struggle with comparison. Most often we think those who are younger are the only ones that struggle with comparison. How untrue. As we grow older, our comparisons just become more complicated. I am thankful for Nicki being venerable and transparent to share her own problem with comparison so that others can deal with theirs. As she wraps up the book, she reminds us to be encouraged that God is not finished with us or our stories. We can be encouraged by others successes and know that each of our successes look differently. We can be “settled” as Nicki puts it, without settling for the seed of comparison!

[Suzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have always loved the story of Leah and Rachel. Part of me loves the romance of it. Jacob sees Rachel, immediately knows she’s the one and works fourteen years for her hand. Fourteen years! But the more practical part of me has always sympathized with Leah. What must life have been like being the less beautiful daughter of Laban, the lesser loved wife of Jacob? And what kind of dynamic did these two sisters have?

That’s the heart of Nikki Koziarz’s Why Her? As women, we have a tendency to look at others and wonder “Why don’t I have that…” Doesn’t matter what your “that” is: family, home, job, etc. There’s most likely something you’ve coveted in a friend, a family member, a coworker, etc.

Through the story of Leah and Rachel, Koziarz uncovers six truths to help us with the temptation of comparison. Truths which help identify the root of the problem such as you don’t see the whole story and it’s okay to not be okay.

Why Her? tackles an issue many women have in this day of posting the best of our lives online through social media. It reminds us that the big picture is in God’s hands.

Disclosure statement:
I receive complimentary books from publishers, publicists, and/or authors, including NetGalley. I am not required to write positive reviews. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

[Traci Logue · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the Truths and the story woven throughout the book. Could have included deeper reflection opportunities and paired passages, along with different scripture correlations. I liked the simple idea of “It’s not for me” especially. She shared her ways of knowing when certain pursuits should be abandoned and I connected with that; an area I struggle to settle into. Overall good read- I’ve ordered another of her books!

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a book from the publisher, B&H, for my honest review.
This was an awesome read. Nicki's writing style is enjoyable and easy to relate to. Comparison is something every woman faces and Nicki does an awesome job of writing about the “6 truths we need to hear when measuring up leaves us falling behind.” Nicki uses examples from her life and also the story of Rachel and Leah from the Old Testament. This was a book you definitely needed to read!

[Joan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book deals with a topic most of us have a problem with...comparing ourselves to others. We get down on ourselves because we don’t feel we measure up with our friends or other women we know. Nicki wrote this book with a lot of transparency, owning the struggles that she has had and giving really practical ideas to help overcome these comparisons we subject ourselves your. I loved it!!

[Lauren Gonzalez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicki is so encouraging! In her second book, Nicki shares the 6 truths you need when comparison is making you think “Why Her?” Every two chapters a new truth is explored with personal experiences and biblical references that help you to understand the root of comparison and how to overcome it.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is for every woman, young, old, single, married, divorced, widowed.

Nicki does an amazing job of talking about something we all suffer with Comparison.

She does a great job of digger into the story of Leah and Rachel in the Bible and makes it real for us today.

She shares her stories, and the 6 truths that we can all use to help us remember that God make us just the way we are and we are enough!

[Paige Stovall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book is like talking to your best friend. Nicki Koziarz gives us a great resource to help us understand and move past our comparison problem. She writes like she is your best friend and relates her story to what is happening in our own lives. I would recommend this book to all my friends and their daughters. I even have an extra copy for my own teenager.

[Sherrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best studies I've done in a long time and one I'll be revisiting often!

[Riley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has some wonderful, eye-opening truth nuggets

[Kendra Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book came at such a God-given time and spoke directly to my soul.

[Missy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing! Nicki writes this book with such transparency. You really feel like you are sitting down with her enjoying a cup of coffee or tea. Comparison, we all have it and I didn’t realize how much I compare until reading this book. This book will not disappoint!

[Teresa O’Donoghue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicki Koziarz has done it again! This is a great read for females of all ages - from teenagers on up! Nicki breaks down the six truths by using humor, Scripture application and a great down to earth approach. There were many times I felt as if we were talking together in person. I would recommend this book for any woman who has ever compared herself to anyone or anything at any point in their lives.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

[Lana Archer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such an easy read and touches on lies we women tell ourselves on a a weekly and sometimes daily basis. The truths are such a healing medicine for our souls. Nicki writes with such a wonderful personal touch that you think you are just sitting down to have tea or coffee with her so this makes the book a very easy read and very comforting. I am reading it for a second time because this is a book you can read, and then want to go back and pick up the truths and wisdom you may have missed the first time and build your confidence that you are special and God loves you just the way you are.

[Lori Jorgensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Don’t let comparison define you. Embrace 6 truths 1. You need to be honest. 2. See it like it really is. 3. You don’t always have to be ok. 4. Sometimes you didn’t do anything wrong. 5. Her gain is not your loss. 6. Let the success of others encourage, not discourage you.
Conquering what comparison can do to your soul is going to look different for you than it will for the woman beside you. Freedom means stepping into the middle of your story, changing it not to look like her but to look like what you believe God has envisioned for you!!

[Rose Lafreniere · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved her first book and once again she’s done a wonderful job ! She digs into Scripture and finds all the information and than teaches it phenomenally