Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

by Robert Weiss

Human beings are meant to work together, not to go it alone. We enter the world reliant on others for shelter, nutrition, and emotional support, and these core requirements to do not change as we grow older. Yet somehow, as we move into adulthood, our intrinsic need for emotional connection (i.e., love) gets discounted. This despite the fact that people who spend their lives "apart from" rather than "a part of" do not function as well as those who feel emotionally connected. Nowhere is this more apparent than when dealing with addiction. Nevertheless, loved ones of addicts, instead of being encouraged to care for themselves as well as their addicted loved one, are often encouraged to care for themselves instead of their addicted loved one.

"Prodependence," a new psychological term created by Robert Weiss and Stefanie Carnes to describe healthy interdependence in the modern world, turns this around. Rather that preaching detachment and distance over continued bonding and assistance, as so many therapists, self-help books, and 12-step groups currently do, prodependence celebrates the human need for and pursuit of intimate connection, viewing this as a positive force for change. Simply stated, prodependence occurs when attachment relationships are mutually beneficial--with one person's strengths filling in the weak points of the other, and vice versa. And this can occur even when an addiction is present.

In Prodependence, Weiss and Carnes present a research-based social and psychological understanding of human interdependence. This groundbreaking work presents a new paradigm for useful and healthy support, offering both the lay reader and professional an evolved prism through which they can examine, evaluate, and improve not just relationships affected by addiction (though that's the primary focus of this book), but relationships in general.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Addiction

176 pages, ebook

Published September 18, 2018

Reviews

[Casie · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the minute I started this I thought the author must have been writing this book about/for me! Finally, someone see’s how being labeled codependent can place blame on someone who is just trying to help and love a loved one struggling in any type of addiction. Prodependence gives loved ones positive steps to take while also validating all that comes with loving or caring for someone in any type of addictive state. I especially hope that all therapists read this book so they can better support the loved ones of those suffering in addictive behavior.

[Debbie Bateman · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone who loves a person who has an addiction or people interested in attachment theory in general, here is a kinder and more helpful approach than the notion of codependence which can leave people feeling shamed and blamed for nothing more than loving someone.

[Cynthia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Weiss' book could use editing, but more importantly it kicks the myth of codependency to the curb, and argue for a more compassionate and sensical approach to helping loved ones of addicts.

After all, as Weiss so aptly shares, codependence:
is not an formal diagnosis
has not been corroborated by research results
was reviewed, proposed and rejected by the APA on multiple occasions
is biased against both gender and culture (It figures. Perhaps, this is the inception of the lie.)

[Yasmina · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was very interesting. Offers an alternative to co dependence

[Lori Epting · Rating 5 out of 5]

A refreshing perspective for families who face the struggle of addiction

[Animal Bro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr Robert is awesome!