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What Men Want: Three Professional Single Men Reveal to Women What It Takes to Make a Man Yours – An Honest Book About Love, Dating, and How He Thinks
A Doctor, A Lawyer, and an Accountant tell You Everything You Need To Know About What Men Want. If you're like most women, you're in the dark about what men really think about love. This enormously helpful book takes you into the heart and mind of the single professional male to show you not only what but how he thinks about dating and being in love, about what turns him on, and what sends him running in the other direction.
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1998
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
August 25, 2020
Sigh. Where do I begin?
As you may have guessed from the title..this is a book about dating from the male perspective. It is written by the "professional men". (And they will tell you repeatedly through the book that they are, indeed, professional.)
One is a lawyer, one an accountant and one a doctor.
They want to tell you what the professional man wants..and clear up some misunderstandings between the genders.
OK..Before I start on my soapbox rant here is what I did like: these guys are obviously well educated and smart. And some of their advice makes sense. No really! Examples: when a man says "I'll call you" it means nothing. Wow..I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! Sorry..fighting with my sarcastic side right now.
But seriously, some of the advice is good, particularly in the beginning. They use many real world examples too which I appreciated. And supposedly this book was written because many of their female friends encouraged them to write it. So that's sweet.
However..here is what I did not like.
The generalizations. These guys..I mean it SEEMS..like they seem to think they speak for all men. And some of the advice is genuinely destructive. I found myself really turned off to parts of it.
Because I do not want this review to be ten pages long, I will take one piece of advice and use it as an example.
So these guys claim one of the things m en really really want is for their woman to be understanding and accepting if they feel like going to a strip club. In these men's view, it is exciting to have a naked stranger come up to you and dance..whether you are attached or single. Now I get that. I KNOW that. What disturbs me here is that women are supposed to accept this as the male norm.
And there is another reason why women should accept this and no I am not making this up.
Because if we do..men will come home from said strip club aroused so women will have assured themselves an incredible night of love making.
So that's it ladies! To get OUR needs met, a topless bar is the answer! Now I am not, nor would I ever, insult strip clubs. I have had friends who did this type of work at one time. HOWEVER..I am loathe to even call this advice. And the fact that women maybe reading this and TAKING this advice is not good.
So imagine this conversation:
Man: "honey..Duke and Biff and Elliot and I are going to Hot girls topless bar tonight". "i'LL BE HOME VERY LATE".
LADY- "OK dear BUT PROMISE ME IF YOU GO, YOU WILL MAKE LOVE TO ME LATER"." I'LL WAIT UP."
As you can guess I am not a fan of this book or the advice offered in it. As for strip clubs..that is only one section. FYI..Everyone has their own ideas about what they should and should not do. If you are cool with your guy going to Hot Girls, fine. But don't do it because you think that a woman's role is to ACCEPT this..don't let it go if you don't want to.
Plenty of other sections like this on different topics..do not even get me started on what they say about Granny underwear. Point is..I don't like this book and if you read it please take everything with a grain of salt. Off soapbox now !
As you may have guessed from the title..this is a book about dating from the male perspective. It is written by the "professional men". (And they will tell you repeatedly through the book that they are, indeed, professional.)
One is a lawyer, one an accountant and one a doctor.
They want to tell you what the professional man wants..and clear up some misunderstandings between the genders.
OK..Before I start on my soapbox rant here is what I did like: these guys are obviously well educated and smart. And some of their advice makes sense. No really! Examples: when a man says "I'll call you" it means nothing. Wow..I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! Sorry..fighting with my sarcastic side right now.
But seriously, some of the advice is good, particularly in the beginning. They use many real world examples too which I appreciated. And supposedly this book was written because many of their female friends encouraged them to write it. So that's sweet.
However..here is what I did not like.
The generalizations. These guys..I mean it SEEMS..like they seem to think they speak for all men. And some of the advice is genuinely destructive. I found myself really turned off to parts of it.
Because I do not want this review to be ten pages long, I will take one piece of advice and use it as an example.
So these guys claim one of the things m en really really want is for their woman to be understanding and accepting if they feel like going to a strip club. In these men's view, it is exciting to have a naked stranger come up to you and dance..whether you are attached or single. Now I get that. I KNOW that. What disturbs me here is that women are supposed to accept this as the male norm.
And there is another reason why women should accept this and no I am not making this up.
Because if we do..men will come home from said strip club aroused so women will have assured themselves an incredible night of love making.
So that's it ladies! To get OUR needs met, a topless bar is the answer! Now I am not, nor would I ever, insult strip clubs. I have had friends who did this type of work at one time. HOWEVER..I am loathe to even call this advice. And the fact that women maybe reading this and TAKING this advice is not good.
So imagine this conversation:
Man: "honey..Duke and Biff and Elliot and I are going to Hot girls topless bar tonight". "i'LL BE HOME VERY LATE".
LADY- "OK dear BUT PROMISE ME IF YOU GO, YOU WILL MAKE LOVE TO ME LATER"." I'LL WAIT UP."
As you can guess I am not a fan of this book or the advice offered in it. As for strip clubs..that is only one section. FYI..Everyone has their own ideas about what they should and should not do. If you are cool with your guy going to Hot Girls, fine. But don't do it because you think that a woman's role is to ACCEPT this..don't let it go if you don't want to.
Plenty of other sections like this on different topics..do not even get me started on what they say about Granny underwear. Point is..I don't like this book and if you read it please take everything with a grain of salt. Off soapbox now !
June 26, 2012
I hate, hate this book, but in fairness to the authors, the book still gets 5 stars. Why? Because this book has a ton of information that single women (and women in less-than-committed relationships) need to know. The authors paint an ugly portrait of your average yuppie single man, but for the most part these things are true. As a single woman in her late 20s who has been inexplicably brushed off by too many men, I purchased this book out of desperation: what the hell am I doing "wrong"?
This book had a lot of answers, and it gets five stars from me because I feel more empowered to pussy-whip the next jerk I end up dating. Now I know that I need to babysit a man's ego; hold back my emotions and thoughts so I don't scare him off (mind you, I'm not talking about saying "I love you" or talking about marriage or kids...just regular communication); not get too attached and let him back out of the relationship on a moment's notice with no responsibility for hurting me; and hope that one day one of these pigs will like me enough to lock down our relationship for an eternity of misery. I'm being a little sarcastic, but I now know how unworthy men are of women's love. You want me to play the game? Fine. But I'm still holding out for a guy who breaks the hideous mold described in this book.
This book had a lot of answers, and it gets five stars from me because I feel more empowered to pussy-whip the next jerk I end up dating. Now I know that I need to babysit a man's ego; hold back my emotions and thoughts so I don't scare him off (mind you, I'm not talking about saying "I love you" or talking about marriage or kids...just regular communication); not get too attached and let him back out of the relationship on a moment's notice with no responsibility for hurting me; and hope that one day one of these pigs will like me enough to lock down our relationship for an eternity of misery. I'm being a little sarcastic, but I now know how unworthy men are of women's love. You want me to play the game? Fine. But I'm still holding out for a guy who breaks the hideous mold described in this book.
February 20, 2016
Did anything good come out of the 90s? Because this book surely wasn't one of them. Where do I start?! It's written by three 90s New Yorkers: a lawyer, an accountant and a surgeon. That's enough already to start ringing alarm bells. They're basically the epitome and distillation of every self-entitled male 'professional' prick you've ever encountered. And because of this, they consider themselves over-qualified to provide advice to women on 'how to make a man yours'. The answer: accept that your man is a naturally determined sex-driven uncommunicative cheater and then be nice to him. These three douchebags are basically just apologists for male privilege. They make me hate men more than I already do. Yeuch.
March 30, 2018
Disgusting book
This book perpetuates many disturbing myths about men, appears to pardon unacceptable behavior, and supports rape culture by portraying men as hapless victims of their own sexual urges. As a person concerned with the psychological health of both men and women, I find the ideas in this book damaging to both. I think that many men should read it so that they can speak out against the unflattering way they are betrayed by these authors. The opinions are shortsighted and extremely culture-bound. If we know men like this, we need to challenge them to be better men. I’m so grateful to know many excellent men who would not find themselves represented in the pages of this book.
This book perpetuates many disturbing myths about men, appears to pardon unacceptable behavior, and supports rape culture by portraying men as hapless victims of their own sexual urges. As a person concerned with the psychological health of both men and women, I find the ideas in this book damaging to both. I think that many men should read it so that they can speak out against the unflattering way they are betrayed by these authors. The opinions are shortsighted and extremely culture-bound. If we know men like this, we need to challenge them to be better men. I’m so grateful to know many excellent men who would not find themselves represented in the pages of this book.
December 30, 2012
Wow. The book is somewhat "dated" in that it looks to have been written in the 90's, but the overall content was: shocking, enlightening, discouraging, sad, and depressing.
By the time I was finished reading the book, I couldn't help but think men were: babies, animals, users, pathetic, insecure and immature.
What I learned:
Men's egos have to be closely stroked on a regular basis. They need to be told they chose a good restaurant and the food was good. They need to be told they look nice, etc Newsflash: So do women.
Women need to refrain from communicating their feelings too soon (even 3-6 months into dating) for fear of "causing" the man to turn tail and run. Really? I'm not talking about saying the "L" word either. I'm talking about asking if he is seeing other women or how he feels about you. Actually, I think if you have to ask, you already have your answer, ladies.
The author's indicate to NEVER say "I love you" first. EVER. Even if a guy never says it.
Basically, a guy will place you in one of two categories right away: 1) good for now or 2) wife potential. Once you are in a category there is no changing his mind.
You are in the "Good for now" category if:
If a guy doesn't call you within a week of the first meeting or after the first date, they never will unless they want to string you along for hopeful sex.
If a guy only spends one day/evening a week with you on a date...
If a guy never sees you on the weekends (Sunday night is not a weekend)...
If a guy doesn't try to get to know you better--conversations remain on the superficial level...
There's no excuse that is true that a man is too busy to call, see you or whatnot if he wants to.
If you have sex with a guy on the first date... or within 5 dates...he will continue to use you for sex until he gets bored or you try to sit him down for "the talk" as mentioned above.
Here are the chapters:
What turns men off.
Common reasons why a relationship is cooling off.
The Physical Factor
Who are you?
Personality counts
More personality traits men look for
The sex factor
The mail psyche
The first steps
Communication
Keeping it going
By the time I was finished reading the book, I couldn't help but think men were: babies, animals, users, pathetic, insecure and immature.
What I learned:
Men's egos have to be closely stroked on a regular basis. They need to be told they chose a good restaurant and the food was good. They need to be told they look nice, etc Newsflash: So do women.
Women need to refrain from communicating their feelings too soon (even 3-6 months into dating) for fear of "causing" the man to turn tail and run. Really? I'm not talking about saying the "L" word either. I'm talking about asking if he is seeing other women or how he feels about you. Actually, I think if you have to ask, you already have your answer, ladies.
The author's indicate to NEVER say "I love you" first. EVER. Even if a guy never says it.
Basically, a guy will place you in one of two categories right away: 1) good for now or 2) wife potential. Once you are in a category there is no changing his mind.
You are in the "Good for now" category if:
If a guy doesn't call you within a week of the first meeting or after the first date, they never will unless they want to string you along for hopeful sex.
If a guy only spends one day/evening a week with you on a date...
If a guy never sees you on the weekends (Sunday night is not a weekend)...
If a guy doesn't try to get to know you better--conversations remain on the superficial level...
There's no excuse that is true that a man is too busy to call, see you or whatnot if he wants to.
If you have sex with a guy on the first date... or within 5 dates...he will continue to use you for sex until he gets bored or you try to sit him down for "the talk" as mentioned above.
Here are the chapters:
What turns men off.
Common reasons why a relationship is cooling off.
The Physical Factor
Who are you?
Personality counts
More personality traits men look for
The sex factor
The mail psyche
The first steps
Communication
Keeping it going
Currently reading
April 22, 2010i'm sorry guys but i don't think ill ever finnish reading this book god i thought reading phillipa gregory was a huge chore but this is hard work.i mean it makes what she writes sound like a walk through a freash medow.well i guess there's always that one book you won't ever read
January 8, 2025
We found this at the thrift and HAD to buy it at a joke. And wow how funny it is. This book makes me want to wander around New York, find these men, and cut off their dicks. This book makes me wish I didn't know how to read. I hope their mothers are ashamed of them and their fathers tell everyone they do not have a son.
0/5 stars
Fuck the publisher too wtf why would you publish this garbage. They should stick a sock in it.
0/5 stars
Fuck the publisher too wtf why would you publish this garbage. They should stick a sock in it.
February 10, 2018
It's like guiding book .. In my opinion It's no. 1 among those kind of books that talk and relate to the same subject .. It's direct and straight to the point ..Will let u know frankly and clearly who is Mr Right and who is Mr wrong clearly..So u can easily cut it short from the start .. Or even not to be fooled anymore .. It will train u to listen to ur intuition voice .
June 9, 2008
From a woman's point of view and my own experience, this book is mostly true. While there are some exceptions to every rule, this book defines men and how they behave. Provides helpful insight to how interested a man is in a woman, among other do's and dont's.
August 27, 2016
I found this at a garage sale for a nickel and couldn't resist because of the title. It is an entertaining look at dating in the nineties but I wonder if things aren't a lot worse for the Tinder (?) generation. Anyway, I am pleased that my beau passed the tests and will not be dumped.
June 14, 2008
So far so great!!
August 14, 2009
These three guys are very genuine and honest. You will be surprised and enlightened after reading it. :)
August 19, 2012
The authors provide a lot of valuable feedback, but don't read it if you are already bummed out about someone. I stopped on page 167 as I needed to read something more positive.
April 27, 2019
I have very mixed feelings about this book. While it gave really good insight to the way men can think, some of the advice wasn’t grounded. This book is definitely dated given it was written before texting & internet dating, I wonder how/if their views would change at all based on that.
The first few chapters were the strongest as it detailed the dynamics of how men approach women, and that women have more power than they think. It gave me understanding towards meeting guys and reduced my fear of approaching them. It also mentioned the difference of how men think of the next steps in a relationship vs women. While women can imagine a whole future with a guy after one meeting, a guy typically thinks of the next step: getting a date.
The thing about books like these is that they’re very wide generalizations. For every example they gave I’ve seen a counter opposite. To a certain extent I agree that this is the nature of how men can be, but there are several aspects I will not stand by. The “boys will be boys” mentality is dangerous as women stand by and actually pay for their actions. For example, no part of me will ever be ok with my partner going to the strip club. I also don’t think it should always fall on the woman to bring up problems in the relationship. We aren’t mind readers, and both partners need to communicate and confront when necessary.
It bothered me that the writers gave examples of them or their friends stringing along women they saw no future with. Regardless of gender, if one person in the relationship sees it going nowhere they need to speak up. The worst example that comes to their mind is how a friend of theirs started dating guy shortly after he had gotten out of a relationship, and a year later he got back with his ex and kicked her out of his apartment. Their nonchalant attitude towards the guy irked me, especially later on when they mentioned how important it was for the woman not to be hung up on an ex because it will drive a guy’s jealousy through the roof.
Another thing they failed to mention was the importance of reciprocity. Even if you do all the things they recommend to attract a man, sometimes the guy just isn’t gonna like you back.
I’ve seen a ton of angry reviews of this book, and they’re warranted. Take this book with a grain of salt if you read it. Some parts are really solid while others aren’t, up to you to decide :)
The first few chapters were the strongest as it detailed the dynamics of how men approach women, and that women have more power than they think. It gave me understanding towards meeting guys and reduced my fear of approaching them. It also mentioned the difference of how men think of the next steps in a relationship vs women. While women can imagine a whole future with a guy after one meeting, a guy typically thinks of the next step: getting a date.
The thing about books like these is that they’re very wide generalizations. For every example they gave I’ve seen a counter opposite. To a certain extent I agree that this is the nature of how men can be, but there are several aspects I will not stand by. The “boys will be boys” mentality is dangerous as women stand by and actually pay for their actions. For example, no part of me will ever be ok with my partner going to the strip club. I also don’t think it should always fall on the woman to bring up problems in the relationship. We aren’t mind readers, and both partners need to communicate and confront when necessary.
It bothered me that the writers gave examples of them or their friends stringing along women they saw no future with. Regardless of gender, if one person in the relationship sees it going nowhere they need to speak up. The worst example that comes to their mind is how a friend of theirs started dating guy shortly after he had gotten out of a relationship, and a year later he got back with his ex and kicked her out of his apartment. Their nonchalant attitude towards the guy irked me, especially later on when they mentioned how important it was for the woman not to be hung up on an ex because it will drive a guy’s jealousy through the roof.
Another thing they failed to mention was the importance of reciprocity. Even if you do all the things they recommend to attract a man, sometimes the guy just isn’t gonna like you back.
I’ve seen a ton of angry reviews of this book, and they’re warranted. Take this book with a grain of salt if you read it. Some parts are really solid while others aren’t, up to you to decide :)
January 2, 2020
It’s a fascinating book, and fascinating seeing all the other reviews haha. To be honest, the first time I read this as a young woman (years ago - it was sitting on a family member’s shelf in my house) I remember feeling quite upset and quite disbelieving. Several years on, looking at it again, somehow I feel like a lot of the ugly truths seem to really be how it is, and I’m a bit more understanding of it. It’s quite an old book now, so the phone call culture and breakdown is super interesting haha. I’d love to read a modern version, what with modern online dating apps and sites now, being left on “read”, all that stuff haha. The advice they give in general for relationships? I think it is what it is - what men want, as the title suggests. Take it with a grain of salt, but these chaps were being honest about stuff which a lot of people will never admit to, and I do respect that.
May 20, 2024
Im giving this 3 stars.
Some advice is good but the one that really made me stop and rethink this book is the strip club part.
Im sorry, but why do men need variety?
If thats the case, be freakin single. Some women might be cool with it. But i cannot.
Thats a line i am not ok with.
And my bf knows this, thankfully he understands and im clearly more important than that. And im sorry but if he ever tries to fight about it then im not the one for him. And to say that they will stare at a women who looks oppisite of the gf as if they “just got out of prison”… what the heck?? Talk about disrespectful.
Again, if you feel as a man you need variety, even though you have a woman you’re better off to being single.
Some advice is good but the one that really made me stop and rethink this book is the strip club part.
Im sorry, but why do men need variety?
If thats the case, be freakin single. Some women might be cool with it. But i cannot.
Thats a line i am not ok with.
And my bf knows this, thankfully he understands and im clearly more important than that. And im sorry but if he ever tries to fight about it then im not the one for him. And to say that they will stare at a women who looks oppisite of the gf as if they “just got out of prison”… what the heck?? Talk about disrespectful.
Again, if you feel as a man you need variety, even though you have a woman you’re better off to being single.
January 7, 2021
Always good to add knowledge and expand our understanding of the opposite sex. Not all men are the same but some of this might pertain to your man.
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