Help!: How to Become Slightly Happier and Get a Bit More Done

by Oliver Burkeman

How do you solve the problem of human happiness? It's a subject that has occupied some of the greatest philosophers of all time, from Aristotle to Paul McKenna - but how do we sort the good ideas from the terrible ones? Over the past few years, Oliver Burkeman has travelled to some of the strangest outposts of the 'happiness industry' in an attempt to find out. In Help , the first collection of his popular Guardian columns, Burkeman resents his findings. It's a witty and thought-provoking exploration that punctures many of self-help's most common myths, while also offering clear-headed, practical and of ten counter-intuitive advice on a range of topics from stress, procrastination and insomnia to wealth, laughter, time management and creativity. It doesn't claim to have solved the problem of human happiness. But it might just bring us one step closer.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Personal Development, Philosophy, Productivity, Humor

250 pages, Paperback

First published December 12, 2010

Reviews

[K.J. Charles]

The thing about self help type books, like writing advice books and management books, is they tend to have basically one genuinely useful nugget of advice and the rest of the £7.99 book is there as scaffolding for it. This book is all the nuggets of advice, no scaffolding. As such it's actually crammed with really useful thoughts, and extensively annotated so you can do some further reading for the points where you want depth. (Which you will not get here--it's an overview.) It's very funny at points and in no way proselytising, but does give respect to ideas that are clearly good ones.

I've annotated the heck out of it, bought two books from the bibiography, and got my email inbox down to under 20. I call that a success.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just love, love, love Oliver Burkeman. It's like he is writing just for me. There are about 80 two-page chapters, each analyzing a different part of the self-help industry. Everything from "How to be interesting" to "Change your life in 7 days," which are hilarious and absurd, to the evidence-based power of gratitude journals (but maybe don't practice it ALL the time because you are at risk of riding the hedonic treadmill. It was so fun and illuminating and hilarious...

[Aine Chambers · Rating 3 out of 5]

Essentially, this book made me feel better about myself. I know the rest of the planet is stumbling around in much the same way as I am. As a life style choice it has its drawbacks particularly if you're searching for a thumb tack, but the worst case scenario, for which you won't even be around to listen to all the bitchin' amd moanin' is from the poor sod who has to clean out you apartment.
And, to make matters much, he's probably still reads 'Noddy' books so will have no appreciation for your carefully, handchosen,mint condition books that act as wall paper in your extraordinary abode.
'Help' doesn't say anything original but if it catches you in the right frame of mind,you might feel compelled to put a sock in a sock drawer. I must hasten to add, this overwhelming feeling of becoming like 'Martha' is terribly shortlived.So, personally, go along with the advice, some might stick, some might evaporate before you've finished the page. However, if it makes ANY man pick up his own underwear....that's a winner right there!

Aine
Dublin, Ireland

[Pete O'Shea · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lots of references to other material that I have read which I found very interesting to begin with. After a while though I realised the book itself contained far too many references to an abundance of different material in the self help field but with very few insights from the author. This left me with the feeling that there was nothing new to be gained.

[Sean Goh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lessons:
Accepting a situation means acknowledging the reality of what's here, including any negative feelings. It does not mean resignation.

The real benefit isn't eradicating something, but becoming more conscious of what you let in.

Recognise bad moods generally arise from HALT (Hungry, angry, lonely, tired)

Different levels of need for connectedness lead to different level sof loneliness.

Just paying attention is enough, no need to analyse if the action was 'right'.

Ideas currently in the world are ingredients awaiting reuse and remixing.

The Asker | Guesser dichotomy.

Utilisation behaviour - the urge to use something "because its there."

Habits are responses to fulfill needs

Complaining is an alternative to actually changing things.

Quotes:
Opportunity knocks often, but sometimes softly, while blindly pursuing our goals, we often miss unexpected and wonderful opportunities - Stephen Shapiro (Goal Free Living)

There are many things of which a wise man may wish to be ignorant. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

[Chazzle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I couldn't quite give it a fourth star, but it was an enjoyable read. Mainly, I like the snarkiness of the author. Maybe not as obnoxious as Simon Cowell, but in the same spirit. Here's an example:


THE ANTI-SECRET

The Secret, a self-help book that is one of the most extraordinary publishing successes of the past decade, argues that there is a single, overwhelmingly powerful secret known to all the greatest humans through history. It has ‘utterly transformed the lives of every person who ever knew it’. Plato possessed this mysterious knowledge, as did Leonardo da Vinci and Shakespeare; all guarded it obsessively, lest it become more widely known.

It has been passed down the generations, from Newton to Beethoven to Einstein. Now it has been passed to the author of The Secret, an Australian daytime TV producer named Rhonda Byrne. So, to recap: that’s Plato, Leonardo, Shakespeare, Newton, Beethoven, Einstein, and Australian daytime TV producer Rhonda Byrne. Is it just me, or is one of these names not like the others?


Love it! Maybe I SHOULD give it a fourth star. The only thing stopping me is that it's all just two-page essays, and so you don't get a continuous smooth flow, with a beginning, middle, and end. If you can live with that limitation, and enjoy watching would-be gurus get skewered, give it a whirl. It's enjoyable in that way.

[Kelly_p · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not your usual self-help book, thank heavens! This book is like Burkeman's own literature review - he looks at the evidence for various popular theories and systems, combining this with his own opinion and trials and errors. He has a wonderful wry humour and relates well to the material, trying it out for the reader and offering us his view / experience - whether this is a bestselling rule book with a shouty title and lots of exclamation marks or even dabbling (slightly) in Scientology.

I finished the book with a little more knowledge about what motivates us and why, much more cynicism about pop psychology, and some useful tips. Best of all, I didn't feel like a failure for not having a Bucket List, a Seven Point Plan, nor repeating my 'affirmations' every time I brush my teeth. All good, then.

[Adriii · Rating 4 out of 5]

El libro de autoayuda definitivo. El autor examina todos los clichés modernos de la autoayuda sobre todo tipo de temas (relaciones, trabajo, salud mental, productividad...) y los deconstruye con mucho humor e ironía, quitando la tontería y la palabrería para quedarse con lo útil, lo práctico, lo valioso. Para él, claro. Y personalmente he conectado con su visión (y con su humor). Al final del libro te quedas sólo con 4 ideas prácticas, pero esa deconstrucción de lo demás tiene mucho valor en sí misma; porque hay filosofías que son notablemente absurdas pero otras son concepciones sociales mucho más arraigadas, y es muy provechoso mirarlas con otros ojos. Tiene cientos de referencias (la mayoría para NO leer), y entre ellas seguro que encontráis al menos una fuente sobre algún tema que queráis profundizar. Yo me he apuntado dos.

[Jen Tidman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Whilst often very funny, this is not as good as Burkeman's other book The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking due to its format - it reproduces his brief Guardian columns, meaning that each section is brief and tends to finish just as it gets interesting. Also, whilst he points out why positive thinking or self-help can actually make things worse using evidenced-based research, he doesn't always suggest evidence-based alternatives that *do* work and this too is better addressed by The Antidote.

[Mia Gutkovas · Rating 3 out of 5]

I mostly read this book because it was so hilarious. It's full of making fun of the self-help industry, while also give some self-helpy tips on the way, just in case you we're interested. I guess it's audience is really we who happens to read a lot of self-help, but are really sceptical at the same time... For that purpose it was great! A light, fun read. For a more deeper and philosophical touch on life and how to make the most of it, I really recommend Burkemans other book, Four Thousand Weeks.

[Sarah Nicmanis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Restored my sanity after one too many self-help books. I am now in recovery... Oliver Burkeman also has a very entertaining column in the Saturday Guardian. 'This Column Will Change Your Life!'

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not much of a fan of the self-help genre and I believe that most self-help books do little for their readers other than inducing a greater sense of self-loathing and diminished self-worth when those readers fail to convert themselves into better people overnight. How many copies of ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ are sitting on the shelves of friendless and uninfluential people who can’t quite remember how they ever thought something they paid a few quid for was going to change their personality overnight? I try to avoid getting sucked in – well obviously when you’re perfect already there’s not much need – but even I am prone to the odd purchase. I have more shelf-space than I care to measure devoted to various tomes on mind mapping and ‘de-junking’ my life whilst my mind remains largely terra incognita and my life is absolutely full of junk.

When I was offered the chance to read and review Oliver Burkeman’s ‘Help – How to Become Slightly Happier and Get a Bit More Done’ I was attracted to the relatively modest scope of the book’s claims. Nobody was telling me that this book would change my life so I thought I’d give it a go.

If you love self-help books then Oliver Burkeman might just help you to save yourself a lot of time and money because part of what he presents in his book is an overview of some of the trends and movements in the self-help arena in the 20th and early 21st century. You don’t need to read all those books – Oliver’s done it for you and he’s helpfully given his assessment of what works, what doesn’t and what’s worth bothering to have a go at. He also tells us what he’s tried that he believes in. I’ll save you searching for the secret of greater productivity – it all comes down to kitchen timers but in the interests of not spoiling his earning power (or making him less happy) I won’t spill the beans on his secret.

The contents list is a helpful one if you want to tackle a particular area of your life though probably a holistic approach would be more valuable in the long run. There, did you see how I slipped into ‘upselling’ you a whole series of books on improving every aspect of your life? Well, don’t worry Burkeman’s one of the good guys. He won’t do that to you. Instead, we get ten simple chapters and a total of 275 pages in pursuit of slight improvement. We start with a short tour of self-help clichés, then move on to a chapter each on happiness and social life before heading to the office to look at work life and productivity. Mental life and everyday life follow before he shows us the charlatans of the Guru world and then takes us on what he calls ‘unlikely paths to happiness’. The final chapter is about reading lists and sources for more information.

In many instances, Burkeman also offers links to blogs and websites where you can mine the zeitgeist of self-help thinking without paying a penny. No trees will be harmed in your pursuit for self-improvement if you use the online approach.

Most self-help gurus have a basically fairly sensible idea and then do their utmost to stretch it out into enough words and pages to justify a book. The core of what matters in most books that promise to change your life can often be stuck on the back of a Post-it note but that wouldn’t earn the authors any money. There’s a very funny section in which Burkeman challenges the ‘stretching’ of the Chicken Soup for the Soul idea. After seeing ‘Chicken Soup for the Chocolate Lover’s Soul’ (the book with a chocolate bar attached) and ‘Chicken Soup for the Wine Lover’s Soul (with a corkscrew attached to the book) he wonders how long will it be until there’s a ‘Chicken Soup for the Chicken Soup-lovers Soul’?

We are introduced to some ideas that require mental gymnastics. For example statistically, you probably have fewer friends than your friends do. It’s counter-intuitive but statistically provable that most of us are probably losers when it comes down to it. He also explains how everything will always take longer than we expect it to and how we’re therefore doomed to reach the end of almost every day disappointed in what we’ve achieved. I certainly recognised that one! Did you know that bank robberies would be significantly cut if the assistants behind the counters actually smiled at their clients – especially those who are potential robbers? Apparently, it’s hard to scream "Stick ‘em up and put the money in the bag" if you’ve made eye contact with your intended victim. So smile and whilst the world won’t necessarily smile with you, the mugger might think twice.

The back cover highlights some of the key contents that might just lure you into buying a copy. These include insights into ‘The Hidden Pleasures of Worry’ (I know so many people who are lost without something to worry about), ‘How to be Interesting’ (basically let other people talk about themselves), ‘Why meetings should be abolished’ (hoorah, I’ll second that one), ‘How to empty your inbox’ (basically anything more than a couple of weeks old is unlikely to ever surface again) and something that most of us will recognise ‘Why Sunday is the most depressing day of the week’. All this and much more can be found inside ‘Help!’ and the good news is that most of it is delivered in such a pragmatic and practical style that you might actually just possibly maybe with a good following wind DO some of the things it suggests. Personally I’d suggest that next time I think of ‘De-junking’ my life, I’ll start with the self-help books on de-junking my life, buy a big bar of chocolate, light a nice fire and curl up to read ‘Help!’ another time or two.

Burkeman is a journalist who writes for the Guardian but he can spell so obviously he’s not too typical of his type or maybe he has a nice sub-editor who can spell. I’m not sure but either way his weekly column called ‘This Column Will Change Your Life’ looks like it would be well worth a read or if you can’t bring yourself to muddy your fingers with all that smudgy ink, you can read some of his musings on his website – www.oliverburkeman.com. If you aren’t sure that his style will suit and you want to road-test him before parting with your hard earned Amazon vouchers, give him a little read and see what you think. I suspect you’ll like him as much as I did.

[Niki]

It's time to admit that I don't want to keep reading this book any longer. DNF @44%. It has its merits but it's just repeating the same things over and over again (particularly "Just chill out and don't expect results immediately in any endeavor, don't believe those "[Do thing] in 4 hours!!!" self help books") and I don't care for that.

Left unrated because, again, it has its merits so I don't want to lower its rating because it may genuinely help someone, but I (obviously) didn't enjoy it all that much and I feel it really shouldn't be as long-winded as it is.

[Tom Cullen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did like how each section was about 2 pages long. Pleases my tik tok riddled brain

[Steve Butterworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Started off great but trailed off quite a bit in the second half. Probably needed some abrupt editing and maybe some more positive takeaways Line his later books which are way better

[Marcus · Rating 4 out of 5]

Self help analysis from an era where you could still joke about Jimmy Savile and his one pair of underpants. Burkeman has read and sifted through all the junk so that we don’t have to and often presents conclusions that are counterintuitive or disappointingly simple. A witty compilation of his newspaper columns, this book covers topics he has since expanded on in his more recent work, such as time management and the limitations of positive thinking.

[Adam Ashton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed the overview of Burkeman’s early work writing his weekly column. Didn’t realise it was a collection of articles rather than a “book” per se, but great to see the style of conveying one core idea in an interesting and engaging way

[Richard F · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5.

This is a bit if an enigma of a book. On the one had it seeks to tackle the quagmire of self-help books out there (which expands every year so this book risks becoming quickly dated), which is a noble task. On the other hand it's tone is that of finger pointing and cheap-shots, which works initially but then wears thin.

The paradox is that amongst this mocking style, which I'm sure is to keep the cynical reader engaged, there are many salient and worthwhile points made. Whether it be Cal Newport's opinion on passion, some worthy derivations from Kierkegaard's notes on regret, an eye-opening psychological note on loneliness or many insightful comments on to-do lists, the tone of the book seems to be at odds with the fact that Burkeman often captures and distills some useful inform, the risk being that by the time the reader has smirked at Burkeman's pithy section-ending comment, the useful tidbit will be dismissed.

The book does get bogged down in the second half when the author aims directly at the easiest targets if the self help industry, but annoyingly again this is followed up with the final chapter which is probably the most useful in the whole book.

I'm short, if this book was rearranged to clearly separate the parts that provide a useful summary of the good bits of self-improvement literature from the parts that deride the commercially-driven industry which simply mixes psycho-babble with insecurity, it would be a much more valuable read, and possibly even a worthy shelf-fellow to some of the books that he lauds in his literature review.

So I do recommend this book, but only if reading it with a filter and a highlighter so as you don't dismiss the useful bits.

[Richard B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oliver Burkeman writes the column 'This Column will Change You Life' for the Guardian/Observer in the the UK. This book reads like a collection of this columns, broad sections (Work, Productivity) broken down into 2-4 page topics. He goes about debunking and hilariously ripping into much of the self-help literature and the motivational gurus out there (Messers Dyer and Robbins will you please stand up) whilst offering up the bits and pieces that he's encountered in his research that make sense to him. The book does have some useful tips in it, but even as simply a something to read it is endlessly entertaining.

[Nish · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brilliant overview of the utter bile to the useful theories of self-help books. Burkeman looks through a diverse range of current hyped-up self-help books and gives a clear-cut, personal and humorous review of what is and is not evidence-based techniques to improve your life.

It doesn't claim to make your problems go away overnight, but that is exactly why it is so refreshing. I would recommend it to anyone who isn't still stuck in the positive thinking bile.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a delight: the anti-self-help book we all needed! Oliver Burkeman critiques practically every self-help manual known to man. Funny, smart and insightful, I loved every page. Be sure to buy a couple of copies so you have one to pass round to your friends. Oh, and best to read it when you’re on your own or you’ll find yourself doing that awkward thing where you keep interrupting your companions with impromptu readings each time you find something so good it must be shared!

[Manish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Burkeman's 'Help' is in fact a summary of the entire Self-help industry's output dealing with the subject of 'Happiness'. So reading this will not only give you a large 'To-Read' list but will also make you laugh out loud with his cruel takes on some of the titles floating around!

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Embarrassing to read on the tube but brilliant and sensible, very funny too.

[Reiza · Rating 3 out of 5]

Di depan gerbang memasuki usia ketiga puluh, rasanya pilihan untuk membaca buku ini jadi semacam panggilan alam bawah sadar yang selama ini tertahan atau belum bisa dikeluarkan dengan baik:

HELP!

Am I adulting in the right way?
Am I in the right path?
Am I enough?
Atau, kalau kata Gerard Way, “Could I? Should I?”

With age comes expectations. Masalahnya, dengan starting point dan kondisi yang berbeda-beda, masa sih ekspektasi yang dibebankan ke orang-orang di rentang umur tertentu ini tetap sama?

Jadi dengan penolakanku untuk menerima ekspektasi orang-orang bahwa di umur sekian sudah harus A, B atau C, sekaligus jalan tidak berujungku dalam rangka ber “self-improve,” ku memutuskan membaca buku ini.

Sebenarnya, buku ini mengajak untuk mengupas pelan-pelan apa yang penulisnya sebut sebagai “Popular Psychology” dan “happiness industry.” Menurutnya, banyak dari buku-buku bergenre “self-improvement” yang meragukan. Entah klaimnya terlalu bombastis, landasan ilmiahnya tidak jelas, atau ya straight toxic positivity aja.

Nah, dari mana kita tahu yang mana ide “self-improvement” yang baik dan yang sekedar fafifu belaka? Untungnya, Oliver Burkeman mau berjibaku menelaah satu demi satu topik-topik yang sering dibahas dalam kemasan “Popular Psychology” seperti passion, comfort zone, positivity, being yourself, dan sebagainya dan sebagainya.

Hasilnya? Ada beberapa yang masuk akal, secara ilmiah memang proven, dan banyak juga yang ternyata a total waste of effort and time alias gak usah diikutin mentah-mentah.

Tapi memang ya, topik “self-improvement” dan pencarian kita akan kebahagiaan dan rasa damai yang hakiki itu hal yang paling manusiawi sekaligus gak akan bisa diselesaikan dalam sekali-dua kali duduk.

So my take is…being slightly happier and getting things done a little bit are still valid proof that you are functioning as a human being. We are complex creatures in a complex environment surrounded by equally complex beings. Jadi ya nikmati saja semua proses iterasinya sambil sesekali memilah-milih mana gagasan “self-improvement” yang bisa memperkaya prosesnya.

[Avi Poje · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve grown fond of Oliver Burkeman’s prose this year. Here, from what I can tell, is his first published book, which I read last. I’m glad I did, since his other two are ever so slightly better than this one. All the same, I enjoyed reading Help!

The main premise doesn’t over-promise. He really does intend to give tidbits of advice that he gleaned from reading through books and blogs about productivity and living a happy life. Mix in his wit throughout and you have a book that’s easy to read.

One think I like about Burkeman is that he’s very thorough when he cites his sources. In this book, perhaps too much so; he leaned on blogs quite a bit—they were at their zenith when he wrote this—and he included chapter end notes and repeated them all at the end (perhaps this was more a quirk of the ebook format I had, I don’t know). His last section was to give additional sources with some commentary, which felt like he just wanted to include all his additional research instead of beefing up his chapters. Oh, and an index beyond that, as well as acknowledgements. I finished the book and my Kindle insisted I had 58 minutes left to read.

The biggest takeaway from this book was this bit:

“But there’s ‘busywork’ in our personal lives, too, whenever the volume of activity becomes a standin for its value: what else is happening, really, when you go speed-dating, or push your kids into doing 25 extracurricular activities, or lead a frenetic social life based on keeping in touch with as many people as possible?”

I am reminded that productivity is not only doing things more efficiently, but learning how to drop doing other things that aren’t as valuable.

[Jeremy Corter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Can a book that criticizes self-help books be one of the best self-help books out there?

Yes, it can.

Now, the common target of this book isn’t the self-help that’s back by research. Rather, it’s the pop psychology, New Age guru kind of self-help, though he also targets those that oversimplify the research. In fact, this book is packed with researched self-help. Mr. Burkeman breaks his book down into different categories (work, personal life, etc.) and then provides a paragraph to a page to the different ideas in each category. One could pick up this book and open it to a random page and get something out of it.

What makes this book stand out for me is Mr. Burkeman’s wit. The reason I didn’t just pick up and open to a random page is, well, ok, I have the Kindle edition and couldn’t if I wanted to. But! Even if I could, I wouldn’t have because I wanted to enjoy the writing. It’s funny and made me laugh aloud a few times. Humor and facts? Count me in.

[Heta Kosonen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A collection of Guardian’s self help columns on a variety of topics ranging from e-mail management to friendships. This was an ok read, I’d recommend reading a few chapters on topics that interest you the most, but not necessarily the whole book.

Something about Oliver Burkeman’s writing just doesn’t work for me. The sarcastic approach to humans’ quest for self improvement definitely made me laugh out loud a few times, but gave the whole book a bit of a negative undertone. It was a bit like talking to a person who says ”well, actually” a lot.

[Lena · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked that we got a bit of everything in this book, and a lot of it was interesting and valuable, but it was a little unfocused at times. I didn't always understand how each chapter's sections connected to each other, and sometimes Burkeman ended a section too early for my liking. Some sections would have benefitted from greater explanation or summary, because I didn't always understand what point he was trying to make.

A fun read overall, though!

[Irma Valantinaite · Rating 2 out of 5]

I did not like the book first of all because I did not find anything new in it. Secondly, because it criticized so many books I just loved. And most of all Wayne Dyer! I loved his work! I felt that the writer is so skeptical about everything that had to do with positive psychology. For me it was a book that did not make me happier or gave me any new tips on productivity.

[A.M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Burkeman is so good at these things. This title is an amalgam of blog posts, or news articles, on the theme of self-help. But it ends up being a pretty good summary of all the usual suspects.

A few repeats in his latest work, four thousand weeks, so they may seem familiar.

I read this aloud to kid 1 and they loved it.

4 stars
So far this year my library saved me A$ 689.84