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Japan: A Guide to Traditions, Customs and Etiquette: Kata as the Key to Understanding the Japanese
"In Japan, the process of accomplishing a goal is just as significant, if not more significant, than the actual result--a notable contrast to the West. De Mente defines kata as the 'way things are supposed to be done,' and he educates readers on how the concept has shaped Japan throughout its history and the present. […] A Guide to Traditions, Customs and Etiquette is really an exploration of the Japanese psyche. -- JQ Magazine"
226 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 6, 2018
30 people are currently reading
76 people want to read
About the author
Boyé Lafayette De Mente
198 books25 followersBoyé Lafayette De Mente was an author, journalist, and adventurer. He wrote more than 100 books, most of them about the culture and language of Japan, East Asia, and Mexico.
De Mente joined the U.S. Navy and began his career as a cryptographer based in Washington, D.C. In 1948, he joined the U.S. Army Security Agency and was a decoding technician stationed in Tokyo. While there, he he founded and edited the agency's newspaper, The ASA Star.
De Mente wrote the first English guides to the Japanese way of doing business ("Japanese Etiquette and Ethics in Business" in 1959 and "How to Do Business in Japan" in 1962). His other books run the gamut from language learning to the night-time "pink" trades in Japan, the sensual nature of Oriental cultures, male-female relations, and understanding and coping with the Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Mexican mindset in business and social situations. He has also written extensively about Mexico and his home state of Arizona.
De Mente joined the U.S. Navy and began his career as a cryptographer based in Washington, D.C. In 1948, he joined the U.S. Army Security Agency and was a decoding technician stationed in Tokyo. While there, he he founded and edited the agency's newspaper, The ASA Star.
De Mente wrote the first English guides to the Japanese way of doing business ("Japanese Etiquette and Ethics in Business" in 1959 and "How to Do Business in Japan" in 1962). His other books run the gamut from language learning to the night-time "pink" trades in Japan, the sensual nature of Oriental cultures, male-female relations, and understanding and coping with the Chinese, Japanese, Korean and Mexican mindset in business and social situations. He has also written extensively about Mexico and his home state of Arizona.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
March 19, 2024
Japan's Cultural History
Very interesting and intriguing book on Japanese culture.
I especially enjoyed the second half of the book.
Highly reccommend - especially if you are looking towards understanding Japanese culture more - and learning some of the history behind the cultural differences.
4.2/5
Very interesting and intriguing book on Japanese culture.
I especially enjoyed the second half of the book.
Highly reccommend - especially if you are looking towards understanding Japanese culture more - and learning some of the history behind the cultural differences.
4.2/5
June 24, 2018
I'm going to start off with the only draw back I found in this book, all of the examples were business related. I understand that the author has written other books on business etiquette in Japan, so he wrote what he was familiar with, but I wasn't sure how the examples would translate into, say, being a tourist.
I think the most interesting aspect of this book was that it had answered a long standing question of mine that wasn't remotely related to etiquette. Why do people with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) gravitate so much to anime and manga? I think part of it is the Japanese culture. de Mente talked a lot about kata, which is the way to do pretty much everything. Everything as a prescribed 'right' way to do things, EVERYTHING. How to put down your chopsticks, how to arrange food on a plate, how to greet someone, anything you can think of has a kata to it. And the Japanese don't like it when something isn't done according to the prescribed kata. And this has the downside of when the Japanese are confronted with something that doesn't have a kata of either ignoring/tolerating the something until it goes away or acting hostile towards it. They also will not move forward on an issue until every single aspect of the issue has been examined and thoroughly researched.
In short, Japan's culture is autistic. And I think it's those autistic-like qualities of the Japanese culture that attract people on the spectrum because there is an exact set of prescribed rules that everyone follows, no guessing at what you're supposed to do next.
Of course this also entails all of the good and bad of autism as well. A sense of superiority or 'my way is the best/most logical way, and everyone should do it this way', and rejection of things that are 'foreign' or unfamiliar. But the reason the Japanese are so great at the things they make is because they will put in all the R&D time before production even begins, so all problems are analyzed and solutions discovered before a product even heads to market.
It was a really fascinating book and it helped put into words a bit something that I had though about for a long time, the invisible rules, or kata, of the Japanese.
I think the most interesting aspect of this book was that it had answered a long standing question of mine that wasn't remotely related to etiquette. Why do people with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) gravitate so much to anime and manga? I think part of it is the Japanese culture. de Mente talked a lot about kata, which is the way to do pretty much everything. Everything as a prescribed 'right' way to do things, EVERYTHING. How to put down your chopsticks, how to arrange food on a plate, how to greet someone, anything you can think of has a kata to it. And the Japanese don't like it when something isn't done according to the prescribed kata. And this has the downside of when the Japanese are confronted with something that doesn't have a kata of either ignoring/tolerating the something until it goes away or acting hostile towards it. They also will not move forward on an issue until every single aspect of the issue has been examined and thoroughly researched.
In short, Japan's culture is autistic. And I think it's those autistic-like qualities of the Japanese culture that attract people on the spectrum because there is an exact set of prescribed rules that everyone follows, no guessing at what you're supposed to do next.
Of course this also entails all of the good and bad of autism as well. A sense of superiority or 'my way is the best/most logical way, and everyone should do it this way', and rejection of things that are 'foreign' or unfamiliar. But the reason the Japanese are so great at the things they make is because they will put in all the R&D time before production even begins, so all problems are analyzed and solutions discovered before a product even heads to market.
It was a really fascinating book and it helped put into words a bit something that I had though about for a long time, the invisible rules, or kata, of the Japanese.
September 27, 2023
Surprising examination of the core of Japaneseness. And I just landed in Tokyo yesterday and can see its many manifestations with my own eyes. Life is beautiful.
March 21, 2023
4 Stars
February 8, 2026
In preparation for my trip to Japan, I wanted to learn more about the history and culture. This book offers a fascinating exploration of Japanese society through the lens of 'kata', the prescribed “way of doing things” that governs form, sequence, and flow in all aspects of life. What emerges is a portrait of a culture that has elevated group harmony and behavioral perfection into the core of morality. The result is a society that feels to me both exquisitely beautiful, yet slightly dystopian (or cultish) as there is little room for faux pas.
The author traces the roots of kata to Shintoism, with its reverence for nature and beauty, and to imported influences such as Buddhism and Confucianism. Early wet-rice farming, which required intense cooperation on limited land, is presented as a foundational driver of Japan’s communal mindset. Over centuries, kata became intertwined with morality: to deviate from form was not merely incorrect but a transgression against society and, symbolically, the cosmos. This left little room for ambiguity or individual expression, favouring perfection of process, over experimentation and innovation.
The historical chapters are particularly rich. The samurai era which began in 1180 with Minamoto, was governed by bushidō (the way of the warrior) and cultivated extreme discipline, aesthetic sensitivity, and mental training, with the sword revered as semi-sacred. These values filtered into arts such as tea ceremony, Noh and Kabuki theatre, and later into martial arts disciplines like judo, aikido, and karate-dō, where kata remains central to moral and philosophical development. Even everyday practices such as bowing, seating arrangements (social, business meetings etc) and ceremonial etiquette are structured performances of hierarchy and harmony, with complex underlying rules.
The book does not shy away from the darker consequences of this system. A rigid focus on process, can overshadow outcomes, and group harmony often suppresses progressive leadership, in favour of mediocrity that does not threaten social equilibrium. The presentation of 'honne' (private truth) and 'tatemae' (public façade) fosters ambiguity, caution, and follower mentality, complicating honest communication. The exclusivity of the system also upholds social barriers: foreigners struggle to integrate, and even Japanese who have lived abroad can face subtle rejection when they return to Japan. Superiority narratives, reluctance to hire non-Japanese in Japanese companies, and discomfort with unpredictability, are presented as by-products of a culture deeply conditioned by form.
The Japanese are criticized for being copiers rather than innovators, but they are incredibly skilled at perfecting things. The same devotion to kata and harmony powered Japan’s post-war economic miracle and underpins practices like kaizen, the relentless pursuit of perfection through continuous improvement. ‘Kaizen’, is the pinnacle of kata, when mastery is achieved.
The author is careful to balance critique with admiration and displays the vast range of Japanese achievements across centuries. The Japanese culture is so incredibly rich, with its aesthetically unique architecture and its extraordinary practices. I cannot wait to visit this fascinating country that fights so hard to hold on to, and that believes so deeply in, its “wa” (social harmony).
The author traces the roots of kata to Shintoism, with its reverence for nature and beauty, and to imported influences such as Buddhism and Confucianism. Early wet-rice farming, which required intense cooperation on limited land, is presented as a foundational driver of Japan’s communal mindset. Over centuries, kata became intertwined with morality: to deviate from form was not merely incorrect but a transgression against society and, symbolically, the cosmos. This left little room for ambiguity or individual expression, favouring perfection of process, over experimentation and innovation.
The historical chapters are particularly rich. The samurai era which began in 1180 with Minamoto, was governed by bushidō (the way of the warrior) and cultivated extreme discipline, aesthetic sensitivity, and mental training, with the sword revered as semi-sacred. These values filtered into arts such as tea ceremony, Noh and Kabuki theatre, and later into martial arts disciplines like judo, aikido, and karate-dō, where kata remains central to moral and philosophical development. Even everyday practices such as bowing, seating arrangements (social, business meetings etc) and ceremonial etiquette are structured performances of hierarchy and harmony, with complex underlying rules.
The book does not shy away from the darker consequences of this system. A rigid focus on process, can overshadow outcomes, and group harmony often suppresses progressive leadership, in favour of mediocrity that does not threaten social equilibrium. The presentation of 'honne' (private truth) and 'tatemae' (public façade) fosters ambiguity, caution, and follower mentality, complicating honest communication. The exclusivity of the system also upholds social barriers: foreigners struggle to integrate, and even Japanese who have lived abroad can face subtle rejection when they return to Japan. Superiority narratives, reluctance to hire non-Japanese in Japanese companies, and discomfort with unpredictability, are presented as by-products of a culture deeply conditioned by form.
The Japanese are criticized for being copiers rather than innovators, but they are incredibly skilled at perfecting things. The same devotion to kata and harmony powered Japan’s post-war economic miracle and underpins practices like kaizen, the relentless pursuit of perfection through continuous improvement. ‘Kaizen’, is the pinnacle of kata, when mastery is achieved.
The author is careful to balance critique with admiration and displays the vast range of Japanese achievements across centuries. The Japanese culture is so incredibly rich, with its aesthetically unique architecture and its extraordinary practices. I cannot wait to visit this fascinating country that fights so hard to hold on to, and that believes so deeply in, its “wa” (social harmony).
November 27, 2021
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Boyé Lafayette DE MENTE (revised by Geoff BOTTING) - Japan / A Guide to Traditions, Customs and Etiquette - Tuttle (2017)
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Premise
After coming to Japan as a military specialist, the author became a career journalist and he worked for several publishers.
Prolific to a fault, he rode the wave of the growing interest for the Far East, writing mainly about Japan but also about China and Korea.
This booklet, probably his last - thus the need for a reviser - follows a number of books about similar or identical topics. To review it satisfactorily, one should probably also review the previous ones, a task I am unwilling to undertake as I was put off but the blatant commercial attitude of the author.
Pro
- with just about 220 pages, the book is agile.
- the author being an experienced journalist, the read is simple and easy.
- the concept of "kata" is extremely clever and allows a good analysis of Japanese behaviours.
- despite repetitions, book structure make sense.
- the author pays a lot of attention to the business world which is unusual in this kind of books.
- the author appears immune to the exotic charm of Japan and is therefore, supposedly, more objective.
- as an editorial object, the book is well printed with nice b/w pictures.
Contra
- the book is best read without intermission, to better follow the author's reasoning.
- the author is happy with his "kata" and he doesn't make any effort to go beyond that, despite mentioning that the younger generation is abandoning it.
- the book doesn't keep the promise in the title. It is not a guide to avoid blunders when travelling to Japan.
- despite the long years spent abroad, the author remains staunchily convinced tha "the American way" is in and by itself always superior. This ethnocentric attitude is bland at the beginning but it becomes nasty towards the end, when the author describes the challenges Japan will face in the future.
Conclusion
Is it worth buying?
Perhaps. The "kata" idea is very clever and goes a long way in explaining things.
That said, there must be other books out there that help understanding Japan and the Japanese without the ethnocentric baggage.
Boyé Lafayette DE MENTE (revised by Geoff BOTTING) - Japan / A Guide to Traditions, Customs and Etiquette - Tuttle (2017)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Premise
After coming to Japan as a military specialist, the author became a career journalist and he worked for several publishers.
Prolific to a fault, he rode the wave of the growing interest for the Far East, writing mainly about Japan but also about China and Korea.
This booklet, probably his last - thus the need for a reviser - follows a number of books about similar or identical topics. To review it satisfactorily, one should probably also review the previous ones, a task I am unwilling to undertake as I was put off but the blatant commercial attitude of the author.
Pro
- with just about 220 pages, the book is agile.
- the author being an experienced journalist, the read is simple and easy.
- the concept of "kata" is extremely clever and allows a good analysis of Japanese behaviours.
- despite repetitions, book structure make sense.
- the author pays a lot of attention to the business world which is unusual in this kind of books.
- the author appears immune to the exotic charm of Japan and is therefore, supposedly, more objective.
- as an editorial object, the book is well printed with nice b/w pictures.
Contra
- the book is best read without intermission, to better follow the author's reasoning.
- the author is happy with his "kata" and he doesn't make any effort to go beyond that, despite mentioning that the younger generation is abandoning it.
- the book doesn't keep the promise in the title. It is not a guide to avoid blunders when travelling to Japan.
- despite the long years spent abroad, the author remains staunchily convinced tha "the American way" is in and by itself always superior. This ethnocentric attitude is bland at the beginning but it becomes nasty towards the end, when the author describes the challenges Japan will face in the future.
Conclusion
Is it worth buying?
Perhaps. The "kata" idea is very clever and goes a long way in explaining things.
That said, there must be other books out there that help understanding Japan and the Japanese without the ethnocentric baggage.
May 28, 2022
The book is chock full of insights and specific cases of kata in nearly all ways of Japanese culture and daily life. It was eye opening and memorable in this regard, as this concept helped explain so much of what I have seen but not fully understood.
Detracting from this was the long section on business protocol, which will no doubt be very useful to some readers, but not me. While quotes and soft reference support abound and do give it some legitimacy, it could have used a slightly more academic approach to go beyond what often feels to be the author’s personal opinion. That said, it was filled with many meaningful insights that I expect to carry with me for some time.
Detracting from this was the long section on business protocol, which will no doubt be very useful to some readers, but not me. While quotes and soft reference support abound and do give it some legitimacy, it could have used a slightly more academic approach to go beyond what often feels to be the author’s personal opinion. That said, it was filled with many meaningful insights that I expect to carry with me for some time.
July 2, 2020
When living in Japan it is easy to feel that you just don’t understand. The explanation about kata was very helpful to put the “way things are done here (in Japan)” into a broader context. Some of the descriptions made me wonder, others made me discouraged, and some demystified the journey. Living through major global challenges in a foreign place help you see the culture more overtly.
January 12, 2024
Interesting book that provides a good view into Japan and the Japanese.
June 20, 2024
insightful, not bad
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews