Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences

by Bill Farrel, Pam Farrel, Gordon (Editor)

Reduce the Stress in Your Most Important Relationships! (Love and Marriage)
With over 300,000 copies sold, bestselling authors Bill and Pam Farrel help you find the humor in yourself as you gain biblical wisdom, solid insight, and workable skills to help your relationships flourish --all served up in just the right combination so that readers can feast on enticing ways to
The Farrels explain why a man is like a waffle (each element of his life is in a separate box) and a woman is like spaghetti (everything in her life touches everything else). End-of-chapter questions and exercises make this unique and fun look at the different ways men and women regard life a terrific tool for not only marriage, but also for a reader's relationships at work, at home, at church, and with friends.
Rereleased with new cover

Genres: Marriage, Relationships, Nonfiction, Christian, Self Help, Christian Non Fiction, Psychology

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

Reviews

[Kari · Rating 2 out of 5]

I saw this book recommended somewhere online, and . . . ugh.

The basic premise was fine. Men like to focus on one thing at a time, in women's lives everything is interconnected. Great. They could have wrapped it up in once succinct paragraph. But they didn't.

I don't think the authors (husband and wife) are bad people, I believe their hearts are probably in the right place, BUT. Halfway through, the book was actually making me so mad that I thought about chucking it. The only reason I kept going was because I wanted to be able to write this review with the whole picture.

First off, I listened to the audio edition, narrated by the authors, and the wife was not a great narrator. There were mumbled and fumbled bits, which was distracting.

They talked about sex. In generals and hypotheticals were fine, but they used a handful of examples from their own bedroom. To which I would think: STOP! I DON'T KNOW YOU. This is TOO MUCH INFORMATION! (Maybe because I was listening to the audio edition? It was very personal and awkward to listen to.)

They had all of these sections that I think (hope?!) were supposed to be jokes. Where men do nothing but think about sex, and women are so brainless that they can't remember their ATM numbers or to release the emergency brake in their car (and all they want to do is shop, shop, shop!) This is what pissed me off the most. Over and over again, the women were made out to be idiots, who had not a thought in their pretty little head. It. Was. Not. Funny.

They also said something like: if a wife is not getting enough positive attention from her husband, she will start acting out by shopping and spending more money than she should, until he starts paying attention again. (Because really, women all act like 2 year-olds, and will act out to get negative attention if that's all that is available.)

And every once in awhile they would throw in some Bible verses. Which didn't make me like it more or less, but overall felt haphazard.

There was a section at the end that was more focused on child rearing that I didn't actively dislike. So, in finishing the book, my rating did improve. Instead of one star, they got two. And that is being generous.

[Aj the Ravenous Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is very similar to John Gray's Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. It's as informative and entertaining.

[Mandy · Rating 1 out of 5]

We're doing this series in Sunday school. Worst book EVER. It makes me want to punch someone...preferably the authors.

[Kathryn · Rating 4 out of 5]

During our first year of marriage, my husband and I attended a retreat where the Farrel's were speaking. They had just written this book, and we basically heard all of the book's content during that weekend. As speakers, the Farrels are outstanding. They are very funny, and their stage banter is engaging and genuine. However, I'm not sure if that authenticity comes through on the printed page. I have read the multiple reviews criticizing the stereotyping in this book, and I can understand that perception. I wonder if I had just read the book without hearing them speak if I might feel the same way since I am also uncomfortable with stereotyping, and I was very turned off by the Mars/Venus books (among others).

I will say that some of the common differences between many (though certainly not all) men and women are well defined here. 13+ years later my husband and I still recall and draw upon things we learned that weekend that have helped us appreciate our differences and turn them into strengths rather than deficits in our marriage. We have given this book as a wedding gift to many couples. Don't dismiss this book entirely, there are rich nuggets here! Or better yet, go hear the Farrels speak!

[Naturegirl · Rating 2 out of 5]

Parts of this book were really great, other parts of it really ticked me off. If you're a feminist, don't read this book because it will irritate when it comes to "traditional" roles that men and women are "supposed" to play. I was going through one of the quizzes and thought, "what is this, the 1950s?"

However, the book really does have its merit and I wouldn't not recommend it to a couple. It addresses relationship issues like communication and meeting each other's needs, along with things that are important to men and things that are important to women in love. I just wish it was a little less cliche. I would definitely recommend Love & Respect over this, but it wasn't altogether bad.

[Matt · Rating 1 out of 5]

Ugh... men are a stereotype and women are a stereotype. Pass.

[Art · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti" by Pam & Bill Farrel. I enjoyed this because it was funny. If you read it you'll get the title so I won't give it away for you by explaining that here. This was a good model for me to start thinking about how I might be thinking about my relationship with my wife versus how she might be thinking about her relationship with me and what we can do to validate each others needs in the relationship. Sometimes Pam and Bill seemed over-stereotypical about what men and women are like, but I think it's because they were writing with a light and playful view about relationships and particularly their own. They wrote this one together, so there's some things he wrote that I found I could relate to and some things she wrote that Mary could relate to. Random thought: in addressing needs, I thought he might have gone overboard with how important being validated for being successful is to men. Some fun exercises for couples to try.

[Kathy Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend Spaghetti and Waffles. It has been incredibly helpfull for my kids dad and I as we navigate our lives. We used it when we were married and continue to use it now that we are apart. There are days when he will look at me and say "I can't Spaghetti." I immediately laugh--It is a wonderful check for all people who want to be in healthy relationships. I wish more christian authors would have the guts to be so open and honest and Pam and Bill are. And people...it is GOOD and Healthy to laugh--at ourselves most importantly and Pam and Bill make a point of that in this book.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

My wife and I read this together during a semester of small group. We found that we learned quite a bit about each other, even after 11 years of marriage.

I would have to agree with some of the other reviews... the authors are a bit melodramatic or over enthusiastic about the topics that they are presenting. However, this book has made us a stronger couple and I have recommended this book to a number of my friends.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful and hilarious! I use some of the examples in here frequently with those around me... and I read this book about a decade ago!

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

My husband and I read this together and it definitely gave us insight into how each other thinks and functions. My husband said his biggest takeaway was “men really are like waffles and women really are like spaghetti.” I had several (spaghetti brain :) ) - a man really does need time in his easy box to recharge; each child added to the family is a box added to his brain, thus making his life more complicated; when I am talking to him, I must take the local R train, stopping at each point I want to make, rather than taking the express A train and linking all my points together (our nyc twist on their illustration of a man needing to “pack his bags” to follow his wife’s train of thought). We both also found the idea of having a lighthearted password for tense moments also very helpful.

However, we found that the book had a tendency to over-stereotype, not allowing for individual personalities. (And their stereotyping jokes not always terribly funny.) Along those lines, we found that they presented sex as a primarily male-enjoyed hobby, and didn’t particularly discuss it from a woman’s perspective, apart from, if you do this, it’ll help your husband be more loving. Yes, that’s a part of it, but there is so much more to it than that.

Overall, we would recommend it, but it would not be our first go-to book on marriage. I really wanted to give it 3.5 stars, but obviously I can’t.

[Stephanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

HORRIBLE BOOK!!!!! As a woman I found this book horribly offensive, sexist, and scientifically inaccurate. The author, who has no medical credentials or license to provide any kind of therapy, claims that the reason women suffer from postpartum depression is because they have too many choices in this modern age. So not only is the book offensive; it is, also, inaccurate. And, it promotes a backwards and harmful view of why some women struggle postpartum depression. Another example, this book claims that when women go to the ATM, they check their makeup fifteen times. This is a horrid book.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was kind of a flop for me. Just really cheesy and generic one size fits all kind of advice. Which I couldn't really relate to the woman information, maybe I'm the odd sheep, but it was hard to take this book seriously. My husband and I were buddy reading this with another couple and there were many weeks where we would talk about the chapter we were on and we didn't get anything from it.

[Marissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love, love, LOVED it!!! This book filled with not only facts about the differences between men and women, it also has a lot of humor mixed into it. Yet it is filled with Scripture references as well. This is one of my favorite books! I've read it twice so far, since I've had it. I highly recommend this book to everyone!

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not at all relate to how they characterized women, and I found it disturbing how they stereotyped men and women when my sister is a doctor and her husband is the one who mainly coordinates the kids. My husband and I don’t have kids. Plus, all the “God” references were totally lost on me. Not worth my time and yours neither if you are like me.

[JC · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book. The differences between men and women are explained as Waffles- Men put things in boxes. Spaghetti - Women approach everything as it's connected to each other. It's an entertaining book and has a lot of good points. Definitely recommend it!

[Marsha Barnes kerr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book so long ago, but I think of it so often as I deal with people. It was fun, clean and entertaining - and quite true

[Wannie Michelmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good principles and discussion questions. I did this over my own planned marriage conference, as a start to enhancing and maintaining the marriage. Good and fun book to read.

[Maxine (Booklover Catlady) · Rating 3 out of 5]

A really simple fun self help book that made me laugh in places describing how the brains of men and women work differently and how we can learn to understand our partner better to improve communication.

So, men have waffle brains (can be eaten).What does that mean? It means they have boxes in their heads and at any given time they are dealing only with one box. Each issue is "boxed" and multiple boxes can't be opened at the same time or chaos ensues. This is why men like to focus on one task or in conversation with a woman can seem to be stuck in one place. It's a box by box situation.

Women have spaghetti brains (again, edible). Their thoughts and speech are all interconnected like wires, spaghetti strands, one thought leads to another and back to the one over there. Women can seem to cover lots of things in conversation because of this, often leaving a man wondering why his wife is now talking about ingredients for cupcakes when they were just discussing going to the school fete. He's baffled. But if he asked he would hear that talk of the school fete reminded her of the need to bake 50 cupcakes to take as promised and that she needs to shop for ingredients.

See? It's easy when you look at it from the outside, but these two different ways of thinking have caused communication issues and arguments forever. This is your chance to understand the world of the waffle or spaghetti brained other sex.

No in-depth psychobabble here, it's a bit of fun and learning too. 3 stars from Booklover Catlady for this one.

For more of my reviews, come and visit me at:

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[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

The premise of this book was simple and makes sense: that men generally like to keep things in their life separate and deal with one thing at a time, and that with women every aspect of their life is interconnected. Maybe even more importantly, they make the point that feeling successful is critical to a man's sense of well-being in a relationship as feeling secure is to a woman. But oh how painfully cheesy and cliched. I found myself repeatedly cringing at the portrayal of men as Neanderthals who are only capable of thinking about sport on TV and sex, and women as brainless, ditzy creatures whose life revolves around hair, nails and shopping: truly revolting. It read something like an awful American sitcom.

On the other hand I need to be fair and say that I felt impressed by the love the two of them evidently have for each other, and admired the priority they have put on making their relationship great. They were candid and honest in sharing their own strengths and weaknesses and incidents from their marriage. However if you do embark on reading this book, and attempting to extract the pearls from it, I would strongly suggest you do so with a bucket next to you for all the parts that will make you want to hurl.

[Dan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ok don't make fun of me. I read this to understand better the difference between males and females, and I learned a lot - at least from the first chapter and the last chapter. The rest in between were not very interesting and relevant. The basic premise is that what makes men different from women is that they compartmentalize their lives into "boxes" like waffles. They focus on one box at a time, depending on what they are good at, and they will stay there until they have conquered it and they have a good reason to move to another box. Women are like spaghetti in that they are good at connecting every little detail of their lives as though it was all one endless noodle - their memories, their emotions, their friends, etc. This is why men and women conflict and fight so much, because one has a hard time understanding why they other is like a waffle or a spaghetti. A little cheesy, but it opened my eyes.

[Maryann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting insight into how men and women MAY view the world. A lot of it does make some sense, while some of it may be taken with a grain of salt, as there is no "one size fits all model", and I know some women who are more like waffles, and some men who are more like spaghetti, and some who take on aspects of the two, depending upon whether they are at work, or at home, or what other situation they find themselves in. It is certainly food for thought though (pardon the pun but I couldn't help myself!) :)

[Sarah Cassavaugh · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best part of the book is the title. It might only have 3 stars if the title and concept weren't so fitting. To understand the analogy you have to read a little bit of the book. Just like most self help type books there is plenty of over generalization. However, it is good advice and insight, especially for someone who values a healthy marriage. My husband and I will be quoting concepts from this book for a long time (mostly related to waffles and spaghetti).

[Monik ッ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK FOR YOUNG MARRIED CHRISTIAN COUPLES.. I HAVE LEARNED HERE THAT THE WORLD OF THE MEN EVEN THOUGH IS DIFFERENT THAT OURS BUT WE DONT HAVE TO SPECT THEM TO UNDERSTAND US, THEY JUST LOVE US AND BUILD THEIR WORLD WITH OURS IN ONE. COMUNICATION SKILLS ARE HIGHLY NEEDED AND TIME ALONE IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO REDISCOVER EACH OTHER AND BRING GOOD MEMORIES BACK TO DISCOVER NEW ONES TOGHETER.

I WILL READ IT AGAIN, DEFINETELY!!!

[Meghan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book taught me a lot about the way men and women look at issues differently. The waffle and spaghetti analogy really works well and helped me understand the different mind sets men and women have toward things. A good portion of the book is focused on marriage and how to relate with your spouse, but the concepts can be applied to anyone.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting look at the differences between the sexes. I couldn't help but agree with the Men are like Waffles (they compartmentalize everything) & Women are like Spaghetti (they are into everything and it all overlaps). But I firmlly believe we are all a little combination of both depending on the topic and time of life. An easy read worth it.

[A. Talbert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book! It changed my approach to men and women. I was dating when I first read this a few years back but I can honestly say that I still pull from it being single today. A quick read that gets straight to the point from a real couple. You can't help but walk away with a new nugget here and there.

[Deborah Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a hilarious look at men and women. It has helped me understand my spouses better and is a must read for all couples. While this book may not be telling us anything new, it does present it in a unique manner that is both believable and practical.

[Alicia Marshall-shook · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book. This was very helpful in understanding the way your spouse thinks and communicates. I found myself realizing that I am not alone. I am not the only wife whose husband communicates this way. Therefore, I am better able to communicate with him since I know how his brain works,lol.

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

i admit, i love this kind of stuff. i use this analogy all the time. it simplifies life when you understand where the male and female minds are coming from. it's a great read.