How Women Rise: Break the 12 Habits Holding You Back from Your Next Raise, Promotion, or Job

by Sally Helgesen, Marshall Goldsmith

Overcome the twelve habits holding you back and take your career to new heights with this wise and approachable guide from two business leadership experts. Ready to take the next step in your career . . . but not sure what's holding you back? Read on.Leadership expert Sally Helgesen and bestselling leadership coach Marshall Goldsmith have trained thousands of high achievers -- men and women -- to reach even greater heights. Again and again, they see that women face specific and different roadblocks from men as they advance in the workplace. In fact, the very habits that helped women early in their careers can hinder them as they move up. Simply put, what got you here won't get you there . . . and you might not even realize your blind spots until it's too late.Are you great with the details? To rise, you need to do less and delegate more.Are you a team player? To advance, you need to take credit as easily as you share it.Are you a star networker? Leaders know a network is no good unless you know how to use it.Sally and Marshall identify the twelve habits that hold women back as they seek to advance, showing them why what worked for them in the past might actually be sabotaging their future success. Building on Marshall's classic bestseller What Got You Here Won't Get You There, How Women Rise is essential reading for any woman who is ready to advance to the next level.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Self Help, Leadership, Feminism, Professional Development, Personal Development

257 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 10, 2018

Reviews

[Nicole R · Rating 3 out of 5]

Warning: this turned into a long, ranty review that swiveled from being focused on the book to being focused on broader career issues.

Let me start with the pros: this book had some great tips on recognizing and changing behaviors that are typical of women that prevent them from rising in their chosen profession. I recognize some—though not all—of these qualities in myself, including not promoting myself and my accomplishments as much as I should because I am too busy crediting everyone else. I also could be more direct about what my career goals are with management at my job so they know that I want to be given more responsibility or promoted. Also, I am a total "yes" woman, which results in me doing things that I really should not be spending time on that takes away from my actual tasks.

These things are even more important as I am transitioning to an associate position at a major Boston law firm and will be working in an environment where these behaviors could hold me back from reaching my goals. And trust me, I have some lofty career goals.

So, reading this book and recognizing these behaviors in myself is the first step to making change.

Now, the con: I am so tired of women being coached on how to change to be more like men in the workplace. You know what the title of this book could have been? How Women Rise by Changing Theirs Behaviors to Fit into a Career that is Assessed by Men According to What Men Value.

You know what book I want to see? A book aimed at men that provides instruction on how THEY should change how THEY look at rising female employees so that they recognize and evaluate skills that female employees often exhibit that are unbelievably valuable and yet often differ from rising men. I am so tired of changing MY qualities so they are recognized by the primarily MALE leadership in my career.

In fairness, some of the tips in the book are not male/female specific but really are things that anyone should do as they rise into management positions. Others are not. Others are skills that women typically exhibit that are extremely valuable, like team building and consensus management. And yet at some point we are expected to temper this to be more of an "I" person to get the recognition we deserve. Also in fairness, the authors do highlight that women should not lose these qualities, but should recognize when they are holding them back and work to balance them with other skills that will get them the career recognition they deserve.

The skills highlighted in this book are, unfortunately, the rules we have to play by in order to rise. And the authors of the book did not make the rules, they just tell you how to follow them. But you know one of the reasons I want to rise, and therefore will follow these rules to get there? Because I want to broaden the culture of management so that other women who rise after me are more readily recognized for their accomplishments without having to work so hard to change how they portray themselves. I want to improve the culture. And, I believe that I am going to a legal firm that has started this process, but I can contribute to it.

[Rachel Nabors · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should really be called “What Got You Here Won’t Get Your There: for the other half of the work force.” It is built on the sale foundation, borrows many of the same habits to drop, but approaches them from the perspective of the social forces and obligations that shape many women’s thoughts and decision-making. For example: Instead of urging us to share credit with our team, the authors insist that we need to make clear and own our accomplishments. Then they show not only why we’ve been trained to behave this way, but they hold up the mirror so we can see how others perceive us in leadership roles when we’re behaving the way we were taught to as small children—let’s just say it isn’t flattering!

And if you’re thinking, “what?! But these are good qualities! I’m not a jerk!” the authors are right there with you, holding your hand, and explaining that yes, you can let go of some behaviors and not turn into an asshole. In fact, clinging to some of these behaviors while in a position to have impact on your reports’ careers can make YOU the asshole!

So if you’re feeling stuck and want to take your career to the next level or just get some much needed perspective on your office habits, definitely give this book a whirl.

[Annie · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were some valid habits in this book, but overall it felt very patronizing and broadly stereotypical. It kept making the assertion that women need to change to fit society's expectations rather than society changing its perceptions of a successful leader or of women in general.

[Missy · Rating 5 out of 5]

An awesome book, and very practical. And a little too spot-on. I saw myself in a lot of the habits you should work to kick.

"We spend a lot of time teaching leaders what to do. We don't spend nearly enough time teaching them what to stop."

Rule to live by: "Don't be too hard on yourself."

Habit 3:

"Learning every detail to perfection uses up a lot of bandwidth, leaving you little time to develop the relationships you need to move ahead."

"You can't be the expert when your domain is expansive and your span of control is broad. You need to rely on others. Plus you have less time to get up to speed on the details. The upshot is, you have to trust people and they have to trust you."

Habit 6:

"The desire to be loyal can lead you to neglect your future, sacrifice your ambitions, and sell your talent and potential short. Others may benefit, but you do not."

Habit 8:

"You can't avoid stirring up some resentment. It comes with the territory, no matter how nice you try to be."

Habit 11: "Analysis equals paralysis."

Make a To-Don't list. "If instead you just keep adding tasks to your to-do lists, you'll start to feel overwhelmed as you rise and take on more responsibility." If this happens, you may end up strip-mining your inner resources, making it impossible to operate in a way that is sustainable, energizing and enjoyable. And one day you''ll wake up and say, 'What's the point?'"

Habit 1--Reluctance to Claim Your Achievements
Habit 2--Expecting Others to Spontaneously Notice and Reward Your Contributions
Habit 3--Overvaluing Expertise
Habit 4--Building Rather Than Leveraging Relationships
Habit 5--Failing to Enlist Allies from Day One
Habit 6--Putting Your Job Before Your Career
Habit 7--The Perfection Trap
Habit 8--The Disease to Please
Habit 9--Minimizing
Habit 10--Too Much
Habit 11--Ruminating
Habit 12--Letting Your Radar Distract You

[Cynthia Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I asked HR to buy me a copy and it was so good I ended up buying one for myself (since HR makes us give the copy back...). Not a fan of business books because I find their messages redundant, but this one had some wisdom in it for women who don't need entry-level business books but not quite leadership books yet either.

[Jillian Terrell · Rating 2 out of 5]

Has some great points, I definitely saw things I needed to work on but my takeaway is why do we have to keep conforming? When are people going to understand that it’s the system...I can become more concise or Sally can do this or that, but the fact is a majority of our corporations are based in the patriarchal complex. Much like we are told to recycle to help climate change, laying the responsibility at the feet of the individual- laying claim that is where the majority of the change can occur without acknowledging the large corporations who harbor 70% of the responsibility for the emissions this book tells women what, yet again, we must change, to become more palatable to corporate capitalist society that this year has proven highly inequitable to women. When do we stop bending? When is enough, enough?

[Rachelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

How Women Rise... a commentary on women gaining leadership and experience in the workforce. Although the text provides relatable fictionalized examples of habits exhibited by successful women on the way up, it does little to offer details of how to achieve negotiating a raise, proving your worth, getting promoted, or earning the upgraded job title. A few "what not to do" strategies and descriptions of each are included, but not enough to encourage change or improve reactions.

[Enhee Tsoodol · Rating 4 out of 5]

Энэ номонд эмэгтэйчүүд биднийг хойш нь татдаг хамгийн түгээмэл 12 дадал зуршлыг тодорхой жишээ, харьцуулалттай бичсэнээс гадна тэдгээрээс салахад туслах аргуудыг товч тодруунаар дурджээ. Өө ийм байсан байна ш дээ гэж дуу алдах тохиолдлууд цөөнгүй байв. Өнгөц уншвал зарим зүйлийг хэд хэд давтсан мэт санагдаж болох ч лавшруулан эргэцүүлвэл хоорондоо нарийн холбоотой өөр өөр зүйлсийн талаар тайлбарлан бичсэн нь ойлгогдоно. Энд бичигдсэн дадал зуршлууд нь муу зуршлууд биш бөгөөд магадгүй одоо байгаа байр сууринд хүрэхэд бидэнд тусласан байж болох ч урт хугацаандаа илүү том зүйлсийг бүтээж, амжилт гаргахад хэрхэн саад учруулж байгааг бичжээ. Тэдгээрт өөртөө болон бусдад шүүмжлэлтэй хандах, жижиг алдаа болгоноо хүндээр тусган авч тэрийгээ байнга бодож шаналах, юм бүхнийг төгс хийхийг хичээж туйлдах, ичгүүргүй харагдана гэхээс айх, өөрийнхөө хийсэн зүйлийг санаатай болон санаандгүйгээр үгүйсгэх, багасгаж харагдуулах гэх мэт багтаж байна. Миний хувьд энэ номноос хийхгүй байх зүйлсийн жагсаалт “to-don’t list”-г даруй хэрэгжүүлмээр санагдлаа. Жишээ нь утсанд мсж ирэх төдийд шалгах гэж яарч, анхаарлаа саринуулах, өөрийн хяналтаас гадуур зүйлд санаа зовох, бусдын хэлсэн тааламжгүй үгсийг хүндээр тусгаж авах, сайн хүн болж харагдахын тулд хүсээгүй зүйлдээ тийм гэж хэлэх зэргийг жагсаалтдаа оруулнаа. За тэгээд шинэ оны эхээр энэ номыг уншсандаа баярлаж, билэгшээн байна шүү. Жигдрэх юмандаа байгаа байх аа энэ жил ...

[amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for work. It looks more at self-sabotaging behaviors that tend to show up mainly in women in the workplace. I enjoyed reading about these behaviors and how they can negatively impact your job and the authors do a good job at showing how to reframe these thoughts and actions that can work against us.

It doesn’t really provide any guidance how how to negotiate for a raise, getting a promotion, or wanting to change your title. I suppose their argument would be that if you change your ‘bad habits’ the rest will follow, which I don’t necessarily agree with.

It also doesn’t really address how POC or non-cis women might face different challenges than white cis women. That’s probably a different book, but I would have liked to see it in here and think that it should be talked about.

They do acknowledge that their are systematic and societal biases that effect women in the workplace, like harassment or wage gap, but they don’t focus on those topics.

Overall, it has some decent points, but you may be left wishing it offered more.

[Georgia James · Rating 1 out of 5]

Put it in the bin

[Jenny · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got a few useful thoughts and quotes from this book, which is why the 2 stars, but I didn't like that it seemed like a referral to Goldsmith's other book for men. And it seemed to keep holding a standard of "this is what it's like for men," and then running a secondary comparison for women. Which would be fine if this was presented as an exploration of the difference between habits for men versus women, but since this is a book for women, I was not interested in reading as much about men's experience. This is also very corporate focused, particularly on the legal field. So less relevant for nonprofits or organizations with a lot of female leadership.

--Regarding elevator pitches/mission statements - "A crystal clear sense of what you're trying to do and why you are motivated to do it not only enables you to speak your truth powerfully and concisely, it also helps you clarify which opportunities you want to embrace and which you should let go of. You simply ask yourself, Would doing this help me reach my larger goal? If so, you might want to say yes. If not, you have a solid reason for saying no." (p 85)

--"Carlos Marin notes that people who set very high standards for themselves usually set very high standards for others. This can make co-workers and direct reports feel resentful." (p 131)

--"Research shows that women speak an average of 20,000 words a day while men typically speak around 7,000." (p 164)

--"One of women's great strengths is their capacity for broad-spectrum notice, the ability to notice a lot of things at once... neuroscientists have documented this capacity using functional MRIs, which give a picture of the brain in operation. These scans show that when women process information, their brains light up in a lot of different regions, taking in a multiplicity of details. By contract, when men process information, their brain activity tends to be concentrated in one region. The result? Women's attention for the most part operates like a radar, scanning the environment, picking up a broad range of clues, and paying attention to context. Whereas men's attention operates more like a laser, focusing tightly and absorbing information in sequence." (p 177)

--"But as with any strength, radar has its shadow side. A well-developed radar can make it difficult for you to filter out unhelpful distractions, scattering your attention and undermining your ability to be present... Being hyperaware of other people's reactions can feed the fires of self-doubt and cause you to overthink your actions... Taylor is a successful executive coach whose acute radar helps her intuit what her clients need. She says, "I'm very confident one-on-one--you have to be as a coach. But I get self-conscious in larger groups because there's so much going on, so many reactions to read. This can make it hard to focus on what I'm trying to do." (p 179)

[Kristin · Rating 4 out of 5]

The timing of the arrival of this book on my desk could not have been more fortuitous as I ponder my future moves at work.

Great ideas with a lot of food for thought, women shouldn't have to completely change for the system, but they need to get in and influence the change so both men and women have fair and equitable chances and opportunities.

p.34 - ..."Research has shown that, when being considered for a promotion, women are most likely to be evaluated based on their contributions, while men are most likely to be evaluated based on their potential - nebulous criteria that can result in a less qualified man getting the job."

p.72 - If you struggle to claim credit for your achievements, it may cost you throughout your career. But the costs will be highest when you're trying to move to the next level or seeking a new job. Speaking up about what you contribute and detailing why you're qualified does not make you self-centered or self-serving. It sends a signal that you're ready to rise.

p.107 - Neverless, it persists. Women who assume new positions resolve to keep their heads down until they've mastered the details and are confident they can perform to a certain standard. They want to feel fully prepared before they start reaching out. By contrast, men in new positions often start with the question: "Who should I connect with to make this job a success?" They view the path to success not as a matter of what or how, but of who. They see connections as the most important part of their job and want to start building them on day one. The result of this who-centric approach? More support. better positioning. greater visibility. Less isolation.

p. 127 (Ch 11 - Habit 7: the perfection trap) -
* Striving to be perfect keeps you riveted on details, distracting you from the big-picture orientation that's expected when you reach a senior position.
* Striving to be perfect creates a negative mind-set in which you're bothered by every little thing that goes wrong, since even a small mistake can "ruin" the whole. And negativity is never valued in a leader.

p. 133 - Julie describes what makes Dana different from other perfectionists. She says, "Dana has very high standards but she's learned not to be controlling. She knows that people are human and make mistakes. She doesn't focus on the one little thing that went wrong and judge the whole based on that. She notices the detail, but considers it in a larger context. She's a perfectionist by nature, a detail person for sure, but she has a broad perspective and is very tolerant with people. She works incredibly hard but is often the first to let go when things don't turn out as planned. And she has a great sense of humor so she can handle criticism and put people at ease. It all comes down to her being a confident person."

p. 134-35 - A root cause of failure to delegate is often an inability to prioritize, to decide what's important wand what doesn't require your attention. If you're trying to be perfect, you're gong to struggle with prioritizing because you're only comfortable when everything is right. So you may treat being two minutes late for a meeting as seriously as missing the filing date for a finance report since both undermine your need to demonstrate perfection.

p. 137 (Ch. 12 - Habit 8: The Disease to Please)
Like perfectionists, chronic pleasers usually have difficulty delegating. Perfectionists resist it because they believe they can do everything better, while pleasers are motivated by the desire to be helpful and a reluctance to burden others or let down anyone who might have relied on them in the past.

p. 161 - So it's vitally important to recognize what you are feeling at any moment, to identify and accept the emotions your circumstances are stirring up. However, speaking while in the grip of strong emotions is usually a bad practice. Your perceptions about who's at fault be be distorted. You may overstate your case. You may come across as touch or out of control. And you most certainly will be unable to calibrate your response in a way that lands with maximum impact. To recap: Feeling and identifying your emotion gives you power. Reacting to what you feel squanders it.

p.222 - ...you might want to also consider a to-don't list, a list of items you would like to let go of. These could include things you want to stop doing and tasks you want to drop or hand off. By identifying activities that eat up your time, keep you trapped, or offer minimal reward, a to-don't list brings intentionality to what you want to say no to.

p.222-223 - ...examples from women who have participated in Sally's workshop:
*I will let go of immediately saying yes or no to requests so I can take time to think about what works for me
* I will let go of nodding my head when someone's talking because I've learned that this often gets interpreted as assent or agreement
* I will let go of trying to win the regard of my colleague because she's made it clear that she resents me

p.224 - Minding your own behavior is also helpful in avoiding a common trap you may fall into when trying to change: expecting others to be wowed by how much you're improving. the fact is, this probably won't happen for the simple reason that most people have a lot going on and are focused on themselves. So they're unlikely to offer kudos when you let go of an outgrown habit, even if it's a habit they found irritating in the past. Your best bet is to draw their attention to it, maybe using feedforward or another advertising technique, and then move on. keep your attention on what you can change - which basically yourself.

[Shubha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Although I agree with the concept and most of the themes, the book is too long and preachy. I found myself skipping through pages as one point is explained in 20 pages instead of in one paragraph. Also, if you have been in a corporate setting for a few years, most of these “rules” are very obvious.

[Kirsten · Rating 2 out of 5]

I strongly advocate for feminism, especially when it comes to careers (work or academic) and I liked that the premise of this book seemed to acknowledge the disparity that may happen in the workplace and wanted to address it. Also, I have a lot of qualities/habits that I think hinder me from doing better in certain projects, which I attribute to my personality (lol). That being said, this book was very attractive, me being me and all, so I picked it up.

First of all, it was not really my cup of tea because its examples were situated a little more in the business side of things or the typical workplace scenario, something I’m not quite interested in. I decide to just relate the examples and habits to group works or group projects.

Not a bad book really; in general, this had great tips. I do have to get into it on a feminist perspective though. I just think the fact that this book talks about certain habits like they’re only held by women kinda makes this book very stereotypical. While a lot of women do have the certain bad habits this book called out, some women don’t, and some men do. I think it’s better to consider the audience of this book as not women, but “unconfident people who want to do better than just good.” Lol.

I do have to say that I think this book checkmates feminism. I know this book never claimed to be feminist, it just claimed to have some “gender neutral” ideas, but I think that this book says it wants to empower women but ultimately ends up... not. A feminist by the name Judith Butler once brought up the point of how reifying gender relations can be contrary to feminist aims. That is what it I think this book does. It wants to empower women by giving tips on what kind of habits one should break and take up. But stereotyping these habits to women and saying that women should change them or somehow, their identity as well just to do better in the workplace doesn’t really help empower women at all.

That being said, this book still made practical points on building confidence and being a better leader. I just think it applies to everyone, not just women. Skimmable; not really worth it.

[Silvia · Rating 1 out of 5]

*Sigh* I should know better by now, and stop choosing books by their Goodreads rating.

This book was a terrible let-down. It basically reinforced the thought that in order for women to rise up they need to be more like men. It’s a man’s world, and we need to change every little thing about the way we conduct ourselves at work to fit in this world. That’s it, that’s the whole book.

Incredibly disappointing and frankly? Patronising.

I should’ve also known better than to choose a book that perpetuates the myth that women on average speak more words per day than men. That study was one study and has been debunked so many times - there are numerous other studies suggesting the opposite and proving once again that, as always, things cannot be taken out of context.

But no, let’s perpetuate that myth and make women speak in bullet points to make sure they don’t lose the interest of a man who has the attention span of a goldfish and can’t focus on anything that takes him longer than 2 minutes.

What a REAL BOOK on women empowerment in the work place should do is help women capitalise on their strengths and on what makes them unique to not only rise up, but to change this corporate system which is currently only benefiting one half of society.

If you know any such books, please let me know.

[Mitalee | TheAvidBookerfly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Key message -
In order to rise to the top of their chosen profession, women must stop attempting to be perfect, quit trying to please everyone all the time and stop dwelling on their past mistakes. By developing the confidence to take up more physical space, making the right social connections at work and owning their own accomplishments, women can meet their full potentials.
Actionable advice -
Talk less to get ahead.

[Amalauna Brock · Rating 1 out of 5]

Disingenuous and condescending.

[Nimmy Mathew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could definitely identify with some of the habits 😔. Adding to my re-read shelf.

[Anna · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book basically tells einen to behave like men to rise up in ranks. Truly maddening and disappointing.

[Sabine · Rating 5 out of 5]

I should've read this book years ago. 12 habits that can be your strengths and yet, sabotage you not only at work but also in personal life. Highly recommended to all the women, let's rise together!

[Bethany Eschner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started this book in 2022. Good for recognizing habits to improve on in the workplace

[Courtney Halak · Rating 5 out of 5]

I facilitated a discussion on this book to a group of 50 senior leaders at my firm (44 men, 6 women) bc of how important the lessons in this book are. I received overwhelmingly positive feedback from the leadership and truly think this is the best, most eye-opening self-help / business book I’ve read to date.

I cannot recommend it enough and think every woman in the workplace should read this.

[Hannah Pearl · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a corporate girlie I highly recommend to my other corporate girlies

[J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book had a lot of helpful tidbits to help women break the habits that they’ve been conditioned with to help achieve their goals (perfectionism, people-pleasing, etc.) I listened to the audio book but there lots of information in this book so I’ll definitely have to reread but I thought it was worth it.

[Breanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Office book club book #1! (Shout-out Joe and Casey)

Loved the insights, very easy to read and a lot more engaging/digestible than a lot of similar nonfiction books. Extremely relatable and can’t wait to continue to reference it. HIGHLY recommend

[Heather WG · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the most helpful career book I’ve ever read. The basic thesis is this: some of the things that helped you succeed in the early part of your career may not be the same things that help you in phase 2. And the ruts or traps that may make it hard for men to transition to phase 2 are often different than the ruts and traps that make it hard for women. Extra bonus: a fairly guilt free read as well.

[Ms. Ballister · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made so many useful points and gave so many concrete examples of experiences that I actually have in the workplace and also my personal life, and then new ways to think about these experiences and build better habits around them. Audiobook newbie pro-tip: speed that ish up to 1.25x!! Way easier listening that way. The authors explain early on that this book is not about societal or external factors that hold women back (though those are real) but more about actual habits that are more common in women and actually within any individual woman’s power to change. I wasn’t taking notes but I’ll probably write the list of habits down so that I can remember and actually try to tweak some of my workplace habits and behaviors that will not serve me in the long run.

[Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Somewhere between a 3 and 4… the habits listed resonated with me as a minority female in corporate America, but the solutions section of the book was pretty lean/obvious.

I also know that this is just the way things are - and we have to work with what we’re dealt - but why is it that we have to conform to these ideal (male, aggressive, direct) ways of leading? Isn’t there room for diversity in leaders? Maybe that’s another book, and maybe that’s outside the limits of our control, but can’t we lead in ways where we don’t have to change how/who we are?

[Alaa Shibly · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you want motivation & some tricks on how to claim what you deserve in the workplace and probably get a raise this book is very good but I would recommend it to people of mid-level in their career journey.

[Anna Wood-Gaines · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is not the type of book I would normally go for so I have to shout out to my work book club for pushing me to try something different! This book does make some good points and gave me a few rude awakenings about bad habits that could be hindering me.

That being said I didn’t feel like anything in this book was groundbreaking. If it wasn’t for the amazing discussions it brought out in my book club about navigating being a woman in the work place, I probably would have felt this was borderline a waste of time to read.

Also this book is heavily focused on women well into their careers and looking to further themselves. There were several examples of navigating things as a mother with a family to take care of - which I felt narrowed the focus even further. This book was also very white centric. While there were a few examples of the additional complexities of being a woman of color in the workplace, they felt like they had been added as an afterthought. Also no references to anyone other than het cis women which I felt was a missed opportunity as this book talked a lot about gender roles and more masculine versus feminine traits. Overall this book felt like it had a very narrow target audience which is such a shame and missed opportunity for all those who could have identified more with this book.