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Parenting with Heart: How Imperfect Parents Can Raise Resilient, Loving, and Wise-Hearted Kids
Parents want to be the best person they can for their children, but much of the time they may feel like giraffes on ice--clumsy, unprepared, and in imminent danger of going down. The good news is, our children don't need perfect parents. They need authentic, fully-hearted, relationally engaged parents who can mess up and move on more than parents who always get it right.
In this freeing book, respected therapists and bestselling authors Stephen James and Chip Dodd invite parents to let go of perfectionism and micromanaging as they learn to parent from a place of emotional honesty and intimacy. Through their clinical experience and relatable true stories, they show parents that raising children to become capable, loving, and wise-hearted adults is far more about accepting our flaws than projecting an impossible standard to our children that we already know we can't live up to. Parents will learn how to resolve issues from their own childhoods, tune into their feelings and the emotions of their children, and be present with their families through both the best and worst of circumstances.
In this freeing book, respected therapists and bestselling authors Stephen James and Chip Dodd invite parents to let go of perfectionism and micromanaging as they learn to parent from a place of emotional honesty and intimacy. Through their clinical experience and relatable true stories, they show parents that raising children to become capable, loving, and wise-hearted adults is far more about accepting our flaws than projecting an impossible standard to our children that we already know we can't live up to. Parents will learn how to resolve issues from their own childhoods, tune into their feelings and the emotions of their children, and be present with their families through both the best and worst of circumstances.
- GenresParentingNonfiction
224 pages, Paperback
Published October 16, 2018
189 people are currently reading
383 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
July 19, 2022
If you could only read two parenting books, I would recommend this one and Habits of the Household. Habits is all about grace-filled strategies for discipline your children. Parenting with Heart is all about getting beneath the surface to engage with your children as people, not machines who can be controlled. Both are so extremely honest and gracious to do your best. Common refrains, something is better than nothing. The best you can do is be a clumsy parent. Our goal is good-enough parenting because perfect parenting does not exist. Great great read.
April 22, 2023
Nailed it👊
4.5⭐
...listen to it on hoopla while painting😁
4.5⭐
...listen to it on hoopla while painting😁
January 16, 2025
I love everything that Chip Dodd has to offer in his books and podcasts. This book is filled with wisdom, prayer and guidance for those looking for a spiritual way to raise and connect with their children. I will keep this one close for reference and reassurance.
March 5, 2019
"When we begin to accept that clumsy is the best we get - like giraffes on ice - we can begin to offer what our children really need from us: heartfelt relationship."
Doesn't that turn the typical parenting book on its head? This is not a what-to-do parenting book. First, this book addresses the parents and how they need to live from their heart if they ever expect their kids to be able to do the same. Do I project my bad childhood or good childhood on to my children and try to live vicariously through them? Do I push my agenda for my children on to them even though it is not anything that they would like to do or pursue? Do I let my issues get in the way of a real relationship with my children? Are my children able to come to be about anything knowing I'm not gonna fly off the handle or totally abuse what they say?
This book was challenging. One of the things that stuck out to me was the thing of questions and living with those questions, recognizing there are no answers, but allowing them to live in our minds and affect us and learning to ask open-ended questions of others. "Good questions can carry us for years, while answers can often lead to dead ends... Our questions lead us to God, and we simply cannot live this life well without dependence on God."
Being real and being with our children is a gift we can give them. "The most authentic gift we can give our children is the offering of our presence to ensure that they are not alone in their pain." I can't shield them from pain, but I can walk with them through it, not handing out pat answers, but being willing to listen to their questions.
We all have regrets about the ways we have or have not parented. My oldest is only four and I know I have blown it so many times already. A quote that stuck out to me in this book and brought me comfort was this: "To have sadness and regret about your past with your children means you care. The sadness tells you that you value what you no longer have. If your kids are out of diapers, look at some pictures of them from years ago. you can't get that time back. It's gone. If that is sad to you, then you know you were there and someone and/or something mattered to you." This was so good because I do have regrets. I love my kids and I love that they are getting older and a bit more independent, but I also look back and I miss that cuddly newborn stage and to be able to recognize that that is good, that means I was there and I did love them and they did matter to me, that is encouraging and something I want to hold on to especially on the days when it's all chaos.
I really appreciated this book. It's one I want to reread again when my children are a bit older and possibly reread a few times. I recommend it if you are looking to raise children who really want to live life and live it fully.
I received this book from Revell and was not required to write a positive review.
Doesn't that turn the typical parenting book on its head? This is not a what-to-do parenting book. First, this book addresses the parents and how they need to live from their heart if they ever expect their kids to be able to do the same. Do I project my bad childhood or good childhood on to my children and try to live vicariously through them? Do I push my agenda for my children on to them even though it is not anything that they would like to do or pursue? Do I let my issues get in the way of a real relationship with my children? Are my children able to come to be about anything knowing I'm not gonna fly off the handle or totally abuse what they say?
This book was challenging. One of the things that stuck out to me was the thing of questions and living with those questions, recognizing there are no answers, but allowing them to live in our minds and affect us and learning to ask open-ended questions of others. "Good questions can carry us for years, while answers can often lead to dead ends... Our questions lead us to God, and we simply cannot live this life well without dependence on God."
Being real and being with our children is a gift we can give them. "The most authentic gift we can give our children is the offering of our presence to ensure that they are not alone in their pain." I can't shield them from pain, but I can walk with them through it, not handing out pat answers, but being willing to listen to their questions.
We all have regrets about the ways we have or have not parented. My oldest is only four and I know I have blown it so many times already. A quote that stuck out to me in this book and brought me comfort was this: "To have sadness and regret about your past with your children means you care. The sadness tells you that you value what you no longer have. If your kids are out of diapers, look at some pictures of them from years ago. you can't get that time back. It's gone. If that is sad to you, then you know you were there and someone and/or something mattered to you." This was so good because I do have regrets. I love my kids and I love that they are getting older and a bit more independent, but I also look back and I miss that cuddly newborn stage and to be able to recognize that that is good, that means I was there and I did love them and they did matter to me, that is encouraging and something I want to hold on to especially on the days when it's all chaos.
I really appreciated this book. It's one I want to reread again when my children are a bit older and possibly reread a few times. I recommend it if you are looking to raise children who really want to live life and live it fully.
I received this book from Revell and was not required to write a positive review.
November 12, 2018
My husband and I recently attending a parenting seminar by Brett Ullman. During his talk he informed us that most parents read more books to plan a trip to Disney than they do about parenting. In a way I understand this. There are so many parenting books on the market today and most parents do not have an overabundance of spare time.
That's why I feel that Parenting with Heart could be an excellent starting point for many parents. One of the points I found most interesting with this book was the parent-focused instruction. So often parenting books seek to change the child's behaviour when, really, changing our own approach is often more effective. While some of the terminology was different, many of the principles James and Dodd described were quite similar to those discussed when I took some counselling classes in college.
I also appreciated the time James and Dodd took to explain their approach the concept of "parenting with heart" of parenting for control, shame, guilt, etc . . . There is so much pressure on having the right type of kid rather than helping your kid mature and grow into the person they are gifted to be. Additionally, their "parenting with heart" style is also centered in relationship which is something, I think, a lot of families struggle to do well in our isolated society. The way they show how that relationship allows love, instruction, discipline, and growth to naturally flow between both parties rather than an power focused struggle or an unbalanced best buds approach also makes a lot of sense without feeling any more overwhelming then parenting can often feel.
There were times when the chapters felt, perhaps, too academic for a tired parent to want to wade through while their kids are sleeping but over all the information felt solid and I loved the parent centered focus as, in the end, our own behaviour is what we have the most influence over.
4.5 out of 5 stars
I received this book as part of the Revell Reads Tour.
That's why I feel that Parenting with Heart could be an excellent starting point for many parents. One of the points I found most interesting with this book was the parent-focused instruction. So often parenting books seek to change the child's behaviour when, really, changing our own approach is often more effective. While some of the terminology was different, many of the principles James and Dodd described were quite similar to those discussed when I took some counselling classes in college.
I also appreciated the time James and Dodd took to explain their approach the concept of "parenting with heart" of parenting for control, shame, guilt, etc . . . There is so much pressure on having the right type of kid rather than helping your kid mature and grow into the person they are gifted to be. Additionally, their "parenting with heart" style is also centered in relationship which is something, I think, a lot of families struggle to do well in our isolated society. The way they show how that relationship allows love, instruction, discipline, and growth to naturally flow between both parties rather than an power focused struggle or an unbalanced best buds approach also makes a lot of sense without feeling any more overwhelming then parenting can often feel.
There were times when the chapters felt, perhaps, too academic for a tired parent to want to wade through while their kids are sleeping but over all the information felt solid and I loved the parent centered focus as, in the end, our own behaviour is what we have the most influence over.
4.5 out of 5 stars
I received this book as part of the Revell Reads Tour.
November 15, 2018
Excellent parenting book! This book is about being a real, authentic parent to our kids, showing our kids that we aren’t perfect and that we don’t expect our kids to be so either. This is a book that pushes the message that us parents flawed human beings and that is OK. The book encourages us parents to work on ourselves. If we aren’t working on ourselves and looking to improve who we are as a person (including working out any unfinished business), then we are not going to be able to raise our kids to be who God wants them to be. Parents are encouraged to take off their masks in order to allow our kids to take off their masks so they can be their real, honest selves. I liked how honest the authors were on some of their own parenting struggles. They were not preachy or judgmental to parents because they’ve been there!
Rating: 5 out of 5
Thanks to Revell for providing a free copy of this book in exchange for a review.
Rating: 5 out of 5
Thanks to Revell for providing a free copy of this book in exchange for a review.
June 2, 2019
I really loved the perspectives in Parenting With Heart, especially because there are two authors. It took me a month to get through because I kept putting it down and thinking over the pages I had last read. I started it as an audio book, but ended up appreciating a physical copy much more! The parenting principals and suggestions are accompanied with scripture and I greatly appreciate that in a book about parenting. One of my favorite things about this particular book is that a parent at any stage can read it and most everything can be applied to parenting any age child. With that being said, it is a little hard to follow which author is writing about their experience and the way the authors mark who is writing what can seem a little choppy at times.
November 2, 2018
Parenting with Heart: How Imperfect Parents Can Raise Resilient, Loving, and Wise-Hearted Kids is a helpful parenting book written by Stephen James and Chip Dodd. The authors are both professional counselors, and they provide practical parenting advice. Both authors use their own parenting experiences to shine light on various parenting issues, and their stories are insightful and interesting. One of my favorite chapters was “Failure Is Not Optional — It’s Inevitable,” reminding us that failure does and will occur in all families. The book encourages us to accept our flaws, seek Christ first, and build strong bonds with our families.
I received this book for review.
I received this book for review.
May 22, 2022
I would definitely recommend this book. It’s very convicting in many areas and thought provoking. The exercises are great to go through and I want to keep this book around largely for those. The book is humbling and really reveals our need for God during parenting, because we truly can’t do it right and we need Him to fill the void - a hard pill to swallow for our pride.
This focuses more on the heart, just as the title implies - which is much harder to grasp and live out than a “checklist” book.
It’s a little hard to stay fully engaged through the end. The beginning was much more riveting. The 2nd half still had good information, just less engaging and a bit more repetitive.
This focuses more on the heart, just as the title implies - which is much harder to grasp and live out than a “checklist” book.
It’s a little hard to stay fully engaged through the end. The beginning was much more riveting. The 2nd half still had good information, just less engaging and a bit more repetitive.
October 19, 2018
Parenting with Heart is a book that spoke deeply to my thoughts about matters of heart as it relates to parenting, the relationship with God and the future of parenting one's children. This book is a beautiful book on what it takes to raise happy, healthy and successful children in a Christ way! This book doesn't only impact your parenting, it will impact you spirit and soul! It is both thought provoking and gut wrenching, but definitely worth the read! This is a great resource that will guide you! I strongly encourage parents to read this book. I highly recommend this book!
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September 30, 2019From Harrison: The authors want you to raise full-hearted children, but believe that for that to happen, you have to be a full-hearted parents. This book is meta in the best way possible. It's not about the techniques of parenting (though it does have that), but is more concerned with the experience and heart of parenting. I was sold when they described parenting as being a giraffe on ice and then wrote: "Being a clumsy parent is as good as we will ever become...This sense of imperfection and powerlessness is key to becoming capable of loving a child in all their own humanity."
April 1, 2023
Amazing. A wonderful Christian perspective on attachment, loving, gentle parenting. Focuses on connection with kids and healing wounds in both the parents and children. It’s beautiful and gentle towards both parent and child. Scripture based, but not in a shame based and punishing way - it’s entirely different. Discipline is about discipleship , connection, and attachment NOT punishment and this is the view this book takes.
If I had to pick my perfect trio of parenting books it would be this one, Habits of the Household, and Simplicity Parenting.
If I had to pick my perfect trio of parenting books it would be this one, Habits of the Household, and Simplicity Parenting.
November 2, 2018
This book was a beautiful writing and compelling to read with also encouraging to all the parent raise kids with your full heart not raise themselves based on yours rules instead of relationship, by accepting all your own childhood experiences the good and the one not so good as well, being teams work care for your marriage. I highly recommend to everyone must to read this book. “I received complimentary a copy of this book from Revell Read Books for this review
April 1, 2022
This is probably the best parenting book I have ever read, unlike any other. Rather than focusing on a formulaic approach, addressing behaviors and telling you what you should and shouldn’t do, this book focuses on matters of the heart.
“Your kids don’t need perfect parents. Much more than parents who always get it right, what children need is authentic, engaged parents who make mistakes but keep moving forward.”
This book is so freeing and full of peace! I highly recommend it!
“Your kids don’t need perfect parents. Much more than parents who always get it right, what children need is authentic, engaged parents who make mistakes but keep moving forward.”
This book is so freeing and full of peace! I highly recommend it!
February 24, 2025
an insightful, inspiring and spiritual read. there are so many things i do ‘wrong’ and so many ideas of how i can parent better.
relying heavily on faith, this book opened up my eyes on how i can respond in a more thoughtful way, absorb what and why my children act the way they do, not always have to dig into why, and how can i support them, love them, and let them have a voice and the confidence to be independent humans.
relying heavily on faith, this book opened up my eyes on how i can respond in a more thoughtful way, absorb what and why my children act the way they do, not always have to dig into why, and how can i support them, love them, and let them have a voice and the confidence to be independent humans.
June 12, 2021
A truly exceptional book. I highly recommend it for anyone with kids or anyone who is married and has a desire to have kids. This book has already impacted my marriage and my hopes and dreams for parenting Graham.
This is one of the few books I have ever read that I can describe as therapeutic. Before it really gets into parenting children, it focuses on you as an individual and your heart.
This is one of the few books I have ever read that I can describe as therapeutic. Before it really gets into parenting children, it focuses on you as an individual and your heart.
January 13, 2021
This book is well written, easy to read, and teally makes you examine yourself. You can tell the authors have a heart for their ministry and I am hoping to put into play some of the points they make throughout the book.
May 21, 2023
There was so much substance in this book. I listened to it as an audiobook because that was the only format my library owned, but I plan to purchase this because there was so much in there that will benefit both myself and hopefully my children.
August 17, 2023
Best parenting book I've read to date. For sure pointed out some things that I can change/do better - made me really think about how/why I parent the way I do. Will probably re-read this a few more times over the years. If you have kids I totally recommend it.
April 11, 2022
The content in this book is easily 5 stars, gave it four only bc sometimes it felt unnecessarily wordy. Wish it was easier to go through, would make a great study to do w parents
January 22, 2023
Excellent book! This book is about being a real, authentic parent. It gives the grace to accept that we are not perfect people and it is not the expectation to raise perfect children.
December 30, 2023
Loved this book! So encouraging as Jules and I prepare for parenthood. All about focusing on the heart and wanting to raise good hearted 50 year olds rather than just trying to control behavior now
November 27, 2024
highly recommend for all christian parents.
November 10, 2025
"Life is tragic, and God is faithful...Learning how to struggle well reconciles these two things." 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
December 30, 2020
I wish every parent would read this.
Full review to come.
Full review to come.
November 5, 2018
Parenting With Heart by Stephen James and Chip Dodd was a book I received from Revell. It was not full of parenting advice, but rather focused on the heart of the parent. They were several things that I felt were applicable to my parenting life and things I need to improve on. Parents are not perfect, but learning how to change and grow as a person first will drastically help how we parent our children.
September 1, 2025
This is an amazing perspective on parenting. I want all of my friends to read it!
March 31, 2024
Will prob need to reread.
November 4, 2018
Title: Parenting With Heart
Author: Stephen James and Chip Dodd
Genre: Christian, Nonfiction, Parenting, Self-Help,
Plot: Parenting is hard work. There are numerous styles, methods and techniques that all vary among themselves in subtle ways but they all have the same single-minded goal at the end: we want the best for our kids. We want the best living conditions, education, clothes, food, etc. We want them to thrive socially and emotionally. We want them to be healthy and wise when they are grown up. And most of all, we want our kids to be happy.
The stress of trying to make that dream a reality for ourselves and our kids can and often does take a toll on us. In this break-through book, authors Stephen James and Chip Dodd teach us that our kids don't need perfect parents to be happy and thrive. They need authentic parents who let themselves make mistakes but keep going after that end goal of happiness.
Likes/Dislikes: Both the authors are respected therapists who have seen plenty of parents in the same situations as us and have helped those parents succeed in their parenting lives. This adds credibility to their methods and weight to their names. The writing style is a tad dry but that rather comes with the territory in regards to parenting and self-help books written by professionals in other fields. There are questions at the ends of the chapters for further self-reflection to help us grow and the book dives into a lot of interesting material. All in all, a very interesting read.
Rating: PG-15 and up, mainly for reading level (its a parenting book).
Date Review Written: November 3rd, 2018
I received a copy of this book courtesy of Revell Publishing for my honest opinion and wasn't required to write a positive review. The opinions expressed in the above review are my own.
Author: Stephen James and Chip Dodd
Genre: Christian, Nonfiction, Parenting, Self-Help,
Plot: Parenting is hard work. There are numerous styles, methods and techniques that all vary among themselves in subtle ways but they all have the same single-minded goal at the end: we want the best for our kids. We want the best living conditions, education, clothes, food, etc. We want them to thrive socially and emotionally. We want them to be healthy and wise when they are grown up. And most of all, we want our kids to be happy.
The stress of trying to make that dream a reality for ourselves and our kids can and often does take a toll on us. In this break-through book, authors Stephen James and Chip Dodd teach us that our kids don't need perfect parents to be happy and thrive. They need authentic parents who let themselves make mistakes but keep going after that end goal of happiness.
Likes/Dislikes: Both the authors are respected therapists who have seen plenty of parents in the same situations as us and have helped those parents succeed in their parenting lives. This adds credibility to their methods and weight to their names. The writing style is a tad dry but that rather comes with the territory in regards to parenting and self-help books written by professionals in other fields. There are questions at the ends of the chapters for further self-reflection to help us grow and the book dives into a lot of interesting material. All in all, a very interesting read.
Rating: PG-15 and up, mainly for reading level (its a parenting book).
Date Review Written: November 3rd, 2018
I received a copy of this book courtesy of Revell Publishing for my honest opinion and wasn't required to write a positive review. The opinions expressed in the above review are my own.
November 8, 2018
I'm always on the lookout for parenting books that inspire and guide me to be my best. To really engage me though, the book must acknowledge the challenges of parenting, and offer grace and understanding rather than judgment and perfection. This book met those expectations. Parenting with Heart encouraged me to strive for ‘good enough’ rather than unattainable perfection, and reminded me that I don't need to have all the answers.
The book is written by professionals in the field and whilst at times it read like a text book, the authors made attempts to relate to the reader with examples from their own parenting. Rather than a list of do's and don'ts, the authors highlight that there is no perfect parenting model. They advocate for a long term view of parenting, and encourage the reader to accept that imperfection, pain and failure is inevitable. The authors invite the reader to address past hurts and heart issues in order to move forward to be their most authentic self and an engaged parent. Practical advice is given to put theory into action, and questions are provided for reflection at the conclusion of each chapter. Parenting with Heart is a practical tool and well worth the read.
The book is written by professionals in the field and whilst at times it read like a text book, the authors made attempts to relate to the reader with examples from their own parenting. Rather than a list of do's and don'ts, the authors highlight that there is no perfect parenting model. They advocate for a long term view of parenting, and encourage the reader to accept that imperfection, pain and failure is inevitable. The authors invite the reader to address past hurts and heart issues in order to move forward to be their most authentic self and an engaged parent. Practical advice is given to put theory into action, and questions are provided for reflection at the conclusion of each chapter. Parenting with Heart is a practical tool and well worth the read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews