My Life as a Diamond

by Jenny Manzer

Ten-year-old Caspar "Caz" Cadman loves baseball and has a great arm. He loves the sounds, the smells, the stats. When his family moves from Toronto to a suburb of Seattle, the first thing he does is try out for the local summer team, the Redburn Ravens. Even though Caz is thrilled when he makes the team, he worries because he has a big secret.

No one knows that back in Toronto, Caz used to live life as a girl named Cassandra. And it's nobody's business. Caz will tell his new friends when he's ready.

But when a player on a rival team starts snooping around, Caz's past is revealed, and Caz worries it will be Toronto all over again.

Will Caz's teammates rally behind their star pitcher? Or will Caz be betrayed once more?

A heartwarming, funny, fast-paced story about the bravery it takes to live as your true self, no matter the cost.

Genres: LGBT, Middle Grade, Sports, Contemporary, Realistic Fiction, Baseball, Fiction

176 pages, Paperback

First published September 28, 2018

About the author

Jenny Manzer is the author of SAVE ME, KURT COBAIN and MY LIFE AS A DIAMOND, which was shortlisted for numerous awards, including the Diamond Willow Award, Chocolate Lily Award, Victoria Children’s Book Prize and the Silver Birch Award. She has a degree in creative writing and was a finalist for the 2013 CBC Creative Nonfiction Prize, one of Canada’s most prestigious literary competitions. She lives with her family in Victoria, British Columbia. 


Reviews

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a fantastic way of introducing kids to who transgender kids are and how they feel. Caz knows he's not a girl from a very young age and does a fantastic job of explaining his feelings about the matter in a way that kids of any age can understand. This is a very important book for those kids who have never questioned and for the children who are questioning, seeing that they are not alone.

I'm not going to comment on the baseball because although I thought I knew enough about baseball, I really did not and that made it a little hard to follow, ha ha, but that was more me than the book. I understand that I was not the intended audience, considering that I'm not a sports lover or a kid. So if you love sports or baseball, this book was MADE for you or your child.

My only complaints would be the amount of dead-naming, not done maliciously of course (except for when the bully uses it, so maliciously by him but not by the author). As an LGBTQ+ person, I understand that the story is set kind of when Caz is figuring his gender stuff out, has only been out as trans for less than a year, so at the beginning, he was still going by his deadname, but there was still a lot of uses of it throughout the story and in flashbacks. Also, throughout the story, I could tell this was written by a cisgender person, and reading the acknowledgements, it was confirmed. Not that it was bad, it was just something I could tell by the writing of this character.

One last part, kind of spoilers but kind of not, there was a moment where Caz did very well while playing baseball and someone yells "That's no girl!" Which, I understand was more of a comment on Caz's skill and reaffirm the fact that he was a boy, but I found that kind of discouraging if there was any cisgender girls reading this book, because even as a nonbinary person, I read it more as a "A girl could never play that good!" Which, there was multiple times of "Girls can be good at baseball too" in this story, so I know that wasn't the intention, but the meaning can still be skewed depending on who is reading it.

So my thoughts? Please buy this novel. It is so important to support LGBTQ+ stories and let them become the norm in libraries and at home. This might be the first book to introduce a kid to this concept and open their eyes to a new light. Buy this one, but also, find an "own voice" story as well. Good examples of this would be George by Alex Gino and Zenobia July by Lisa Bunker.

[Karly · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a great story with a loveable main character, Caz. Although I am not a huge baseball fan, I appreciate that lots of kids would be interested in this story because of the baseball theme. It’s a sweet story that teaches you to love people for who they are, not what you hear about them. And to love yourself too!

My one knock against this book is that it is a book focused on inclusion...but on page 31, when a boy tells the main character he’s vegetarian, he is judged for this. This didn’t fit with the theme of this book for me.

It’s a quick read, and I think kids of any gender would enjoy it!

[Brynn]

So far so good, I am only half way through it but i think it will be lots more interesting.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I do not even know where to begin. I loved this book for so many reasons. First of all, I’m a passionate baseball fan. Second of all, I’m a passionate Toronto Blue Jays fan. Needless to say, this book really struck a chord with me.

By way of brief summary, this story follows Caz Cadman (who is also passionate about baseball and is also a passionate Blue Jays fan) as he moves from Toronto to Seattle. Caz misses parts of his old life in Toronto, but he slowly starts making friends, and things fall into place after he tries out for a local baseball team and makes the team.

I know this book is geared toward children/young adults, but even as a 33 year old woman, I really related to Caz, and especially his love of baseball. I’m fairly certain that I too, at some point in my life, have said these same two sentences from this book: “What was the point of anything without baseball?” and “There are only two seasons, winter and baseball.” Truer words were never spoken.

I appreciated all the real-life mentions in this book such as the mention of the Rangers’ pitcher (*cough* Derek Holland *cough*) wiping his behind with a Blue Jays’ rally towel during the playoffs, and the mention of Bautista’s bat flip, among other things. Just classic. Any diehard baseball fan will love all of these mentions, and non-baseball fans will be able to follow the narrative because the author does a great job of explaining everything; we really get to know Caz’s inner thoughts at all times. I’d also like to give a shout out to Nana Cadman who has got to be the coolest Nan out there.

Aside from the baseball aspect of this book, this story touches on the important topic of transgender people. This is something I have become aware of within the past 2 years or so because of the show “I am Jazz,” and so when Jazz Jennings was mentioned in this book, I thought that was an important nod, and hopefully anyone going through the same self-discovery as Caz will take comfort in knowing that there are a lot of resources out there for them and other people that they can relate to and reach out to. And to anyone who may think or comment that girls are good at baseball too and Caz should have been proud to be a girl instead of wanting to be a boy – well, those people are completely missing the point.

I want to thank NetGalley and Orca Book Publishers for allowing me to read this book for an honest review. I am so happy and very appreciative that I was given this opportunity, and I cannot wait to buy a hardcopy of this book. More importantly, thank you to Jenny Manzer for being brave enough to write this DIAMOND of a story. I think you may be my soul sister. Let’s go, Blue Jays!

[Nico · Rating 2 out of 5]

cis people stop pretending you know what its like to be trans challenge.
This is possibly one of the most inaccurate, disrespectful "trans stories" i've ever seen. Besides Caz's only personality traits being ~Baseball and Transgender~, it's just... so many problems.
1. Caz is deadnamed and misgendered CONSTANTLY. Yeah, that happens to trans people, but cis people writing about us seem creepily attached to making it happen. The freaking BLURB uses his deadname, for crying out loud. Enough.
2. "I kNeW sInCe I cAmE oUt oF tHe WoMb" shut up shut up shut up you CANNOT have a trans character like this without talking about how it's not like that for all of us the mindset of "you have to have known since BIRTH" is what made me take so long to realize my own identity, STOP
3. does this author actually know how dysphoria works. Like, has she ever actually... talked to a trans person about it. You don't need dysphoria to be trans, but this character HAS it, and its supposedly really bad dysphoria, and... it's so badly done. Its "i don't like this because i don't think its true!!1!!!". dysphoria is emotional pain, not annoyance.
4. the literal acknowledgements talks abt how she knows like 0 irl trans ppl and only really talked to us for the express purpose of this book, and yet she was STILL arrogant enough to go "im gonna write an entire book about what its like to be this extremely marginalized and stigmatized identity, it'll be great"
5. it just misses so many nuances. The awkwardness of vaguely liberal cishets, the struggle with getting used to name/pronouns even though they're what you want, the hesitation and self-doubt, the want to meet others like you, paranoia over passing... hell, they only say 'trans' like once in the whole book.

I read this book expecting a fun, quick, fluffy read. It was quick, but the trans rep was incredibly distressing the whole way through. (Also... the baseball is so so boring unless you love and understand baseball a LOT.) I'm just... cis people, stop.
~ good day, drink water and don't read this book, read Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas or George by Alex Gino instead ~

[Pammycats · Rating 5 out of 5]

WMy Life as a Diamond
By: Jenny Manzer

I received an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

This was a fantastic, well-written book with an important topic.

I love watching baseball (Houston Astros!!!) but don’t love reading play-by-play accounts of games (any sport really). So normally, I would steer clear of a book that is clearly baseball-centric. However, I very much wanted to read this book because of its interesting premise - a boy (who was born a girl - Cassandra, Cassie to Caspar, Caz) moves to a new city and wants to make new friends all while guarding his secret. As a society, we have moved into a period of adjustment where we are transitioning from one set of ideas into a greater understanding of people as individuals. Change is not easy but books like this help.

I also was very keen to read another book by Jenny Manzer who wrote, Save Me, Kurt Cobain.

Pros:
1. The writing is whip smart. The author has a dry wit and finds the funny in life even in the face of drama and heartache. For instance, mom placing a “shoes for sale” sign over a pile of shoes left lying around. Why didn’t I think of that?
2. The “diamond” in the title does not refer to a baseball field but rather to the process of making diamonds. Diamonds are created when carbon is put under enormous pressure. The result is an immensely hard, crystal clear rock. Wow, what a concept for a young person to think about. As parents, we are eager to protect our children from “the world”. The idea of a “diamond” though is that living through these hard times can help create our best selves. I love this thought as it can help kids (people) hold their heads up high in the face of embarrassment or failure.
3. Caz is super brave (core of steel) to make this change. His decision and follow through felt real. However, the author does not shy away from showing the difficulties that follow such a decision. How will people react when they know? How and who will I tell? Which bathroom should i use? How do I respond when people I love and/or respect react badly or even slowly (like grandma and grandpa)?
4. So, number three (above) talks about how all of this affects Caz but I appreciated that the author also reflects on how this affects others. Mom and Dad are fully supportive of Caz but have to process a little grief at loosing their daughter. They also are scared for Caz. Every parent wants life to be kind to their child but Caz is on a difficult path and this is so hard for his parents. Why can’t the world see my wonderful child?
5. Near the end, Caz is outed by someone (I’m not giving anything away as this is in the description). I loved that entire scene because it just showed a myriad of reactions by different characters. Not everyone is understanding but some are. The author manages to capture these feelings just perfectly.
6. In the “Acknowledgment” section in the back, there are a ton of resources for people. I really appreciate this sort of well-researched thoughtfulness as it is so supportive.

Con:
My only criticism is that the book doesn’t talk much about puberty and the many problems this will provide for a trans teen. This book is aimed at kids age 9 and above and so perhaps this is appropriate. Perhaps the author really is just shining a spotlight on this one moment in time - the start of this whole process. Perhaps, like the main character, it is enough.

Conclusion:
No, the world isn’t perfect. Not everyone will love me. However, there are moments and people who will fill your world with glory so appreciate them

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew as soon as I saw this that I would love it. No, I do not love baseball. I remember being thrown into game without a clue of what goes on in this. I am very nearsighted and the ball always managed to elude my outstretched hands and smack me right on the nose, over and over again. My gym teacher actually stopped and gave me pointers on how to stand, how to hold the bat and enough confidence to hit a home run with the bases loaded. I was very confused that day, it never happened again. Reading all the play by play stuff about baseball was a chore for me but reading about Caz Cadman was a wonderful experience.

Here is a fellow, originally named Cassie and designated as a female on his birth certificate who loved everything about baseball and always felt he was a boy. One day in Toronto, he decides that his name should match his gender identity. He renamed himself and had his long braided hair cut off. While reading this book, I felt great empathy for this boy whose gender identity was the opposite of what his body was. It is very easy for me to understand. When I was five year old, my pediatrician pulled a stupid prank on me. He told me that he had to tell me that I was not a girl but a boy instead. My mother said that I screamed very loud, cried and could not be consoled. He laughed! I have never felt that it was funny. We never returned to him. A person's gender identity is very personal and should never be fodder for jokes. If you read this book, you can imagine how I felt about a character in this book named Kyle.

I highly recommend this book for all children and adults. I received an Advance Reading Copy of this book as a win from LibraryThing from the publishers in exchange for a fair book review. My thoughts and feelings in this review are totally my own.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't really like baseball, all that much, and that has nothing to do with having my nose broken while I was trying to catch a ball, while playing softball. Or maybe it does. I guess, what I'm trying to say, is that I don't like reading about baseball, but I was do like reading about transgendered kids, and the problems they face, so I plowed ahead with this story of Caz, and his desire to play baseball as the boy he was supposed to be.

The diamond in this story does not refer to the baseball diamond, but the process that makes a diamond, pressure, having to tough it out, which is what Caz is doing.

No one knows, in his new neighborhood that he was born a girl, and he isn't about to tell them. All he wants to do is make new friends and play ball.

Very realistic story of a pre-pubescent transgender boy, trying to be who he wants to be. He has his parents who are very supportive, and even his Nan, who sometimes has to be reminded the right name to call him.

This is a good book for introducing children to the concept of transgender youth, wrapped up in a story of playing baseball, and dealing with bullies. Very accessable.

#MyLifeAsADiamond #NetGalley

Thanks to Netgalley for making this book available for an honest review.

[Jennifer Druffel · Rating 5 out of 5]

*I received an advanced reading copy via Library Thing for review purposes.

If you have read GEORGE by Alex Gino, you are going to love this book. Cassie loves baseball. When her family moves from Toronto, Canada, to a suburb outside of Seattle Washington, Cassie decides to cut her hair and go by Caspar. Caz for short. The boy she knows she is and has always been. Joining her new team for the summer as a boy, life and baseball couldn't be going any better. But a boy on their rival baseball team will not leave Caz alone. What happens if Caz's secret is discovered?
Beautifully written, MY LIFE AS A DIAMOND, is a perfect read for grades four and up. Being under 200 pages makes this book accessible to many students. Baseball fans will adore it and relate to Caz's love of the sport. Reading about others who may be different from oneself will foster acceptance and a sense of safety in our schools. Other children may see themselves for the first time in this book. Our world needs more love and understanding for each other more now than ever. Thank you, Jenny Manzer, for writing this book. It is a must-have for every school and classroom library. MY LIFE AS A DIAMOND comes out September 18th, 2018. Pre-order your copy now.

[floralbookay · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very wholesome look at the life of a ten-year-old trans boy. The four star rating is of course in comparison to other middle grade books, and probably would have been five if not for a couple plot inconsistencies at the very end. Still super sweet, though.

Caz is a very typical preteen boy obsessed with baseball over all else, and his parents are as precious as (most of) his teammates. This book does a good job of discussing trans issues without turning the entire situation into unnecessary angst. Even though I don't care about sports at all, I liked that this book was more about baseball than about the main character's gender, because baseball is his life and the fact that he's trans isn't his entire personality, because people are more than just a label.

Some gender-based quotes because I liked them:

"For some boys, calling someone a girl is the worst thing they can come up with. Don't guys have a mom? I had nothing against girls. I just knew I was a boy."

"I hadn't ever pitched in a game though. Had that been because I was the only girl? I would never know. It would be a lot of pressure. But pressure is what makes diamonds, right?"

"People who grow up feeling right in their own body have a hard time understanding how it could feel wrong."

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

First kids’ book I’ve read about a trans boy. A very carefully written book that presents Caspar as a boy that was just born different and it’s no big deal. Very not political, very not overly angsty for Caz, though obviously there are a few milestones he has to get through. I loved how supportive his grandma was, and how his parents obviously struggled with it at first but were committed to being supportive. It was good to include the non-accepting grandparents as well, but in a way that wasn’t devastating. This was a hopeful book, though it does include some transphobic bullying from another kid so it still has that trope--we're not past that yet as a society. Everyone’s reactions were different, which was realistic but also allowed room for hope and the promise of enduring friendship no matter your gender.

Recommended for kids in grades 4+, particularly those who like baseball. It's not too alienating if you know nothing about baseball (like me), but you miss some references. Also really great for Canadian kids to read, since Caz moves to the States from Toronto and there are quite a few Blue Jays references.

[Wunderdrugged · Rating 4 out of 5]

This title is nominated for the 2021 Hackmatack award in the fiction category. It tells the story of a transgender boy called Caz (Short for Caspar) Cadman, formerly known as Cassandra. Caz and his family have moved from Toronto to a suburb of Seattle, giving Caz a chance to live authentically and leave Cassandra behind. He tries out for the local baseball league, and soon begins making friends with his new teammates. Caz struggles with how much he should tell his friends about his life before, then a bully from a rival team goes digging into Caz's past. Will his new team support him, or will it be Toronto all over again?
I can't review this title from the perspective of the trans community, but from the perspective of a small town librarian, and from where I'm sitting I think the books deals with a topic that many kids don't have a lot of personal connections to. It is important for kids to be able to see themselves reflected in books written for them. I also think it's a good thing for kids to read about others who are different than themselves to help them gain perspective, understanding, and empathy. I would recommend it for age 9 and up.

[Hollowspine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Caz has a lot going on this summer, some things he's waited for and some well...wishing things were different never works. At the beginning of the summer, his family moves from Toronto to Redburn, Washington. His mom says it will be a 'clean break.' A clean break after the incident...the incident that makes Caz's hands sweat at try-outs for the Redburn Ravens, the local summer baseball team. Caz has a killer arm and the fact that he's a trans boy shouldn't matter when it comes to throwing fast balls or hitting doubles. But, for some people, including Caz's last team, it's a big deal. Maybe in Redburn Caz can leave all that behind, but he still worries. Caz tells himself he's made of steel and oak, strong materials. When things heat up in the rivalry between the Ravens and the Rockets and a bully starts targeting Caz he'll need not only his own strength but the support of his team. What do you think, what could you do to make sure your club or team is welcoming to everyone, regardless of their pronouns or what's under their uniform?

[zack · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rockets can fly, I thought, but Ravens can too.

This was a very sweet, very heartfelt story. It also confronted transphobia (especially violent such) in a way I hadn't really expected as Caspar is what... ten? But I really appreciated that it did because ten years old are also victims of transphobia, and the book did it so well. I don't know. It just felt nice to have it acknowledge that not only are tweens "old enough" to deal with trans topics, they can also handle the ugly parts of it to some extent.

Caspar was the sweetest kid. Way too into baseball, though. I had a hard time following, but I know literally nothing about baseball, so... also, it didn't really matter. Knowing baseball would probably have resulted in extra enjoyment of the book, but it didn't really affect my enjoyment of it much at all.

[Karissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful, feel good baseball story about a trans boy who gets a fresh start in a new city. The vast majority of the story takes place on the baseball diamond, which for me brought back childhood memories. I think it was very wise of the author to tackle the topic of a trans boy through the narrowed lens of an underdog baseball team. There are so many aspects of young life to consider, but by focusing on baseball the book stayed light, simple, and will appeal to many young readers.

I also just LOVE a baseball story where the immoral, nasty team eventually loses to the underdogs. I highly recommend this book to children in grades 4 - 6, and any adult who wants a light read that will expand their perspective.

[L.G. · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are a baseball fan, you'll like this book a lot more than I did.
But that's not what it lost points for. No, the reason I couldn't give it more points is because I felt this was a book about baseball. There was so much of it, that everything else took second place. I feel like this book could have been so much more, if it would have shown a bit more about what/how Caz felt.
I liked the idea of finding your place even if you're different, of being accepted. But even for 176 Pages, it could have offered more depth.

[L.R. · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are a baseball fan, you'll like this book a lot more than I did.
But that's not what it lost points for. No, the reason I couldn't give it more points is because I felt this was a book about baseball. There was so much of it, that everything else took second place. I feel like this book could have been so much more, if it would have shown a bit more about what/how Caz felt.
I liked the idea of finding your place even if you're different, of being accepted. But even for 176 Pages, it could have offered more depth.

[Christie Welsby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. I want to understand more about transgender issues and this book put them in a real light. Caz’s family and friends relate to him and his challenges in their own realistic ways. Caz is strong, hardworking and courageous. I think this is a great book for anyone who wants to be more empathetic to others who struggle with gender issues.

*I received this book from Netgalley.com in exchange for my objective review.*

[Lisa Pineo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book from a fellow Canadian. A middle grade reader about a boy with a secret who lives and breathes baseball, who happens to be transgender. I was impressed with how the author treated the protagonist's gender issues, making them important but not the only thing that defined him. Very realistic portrail of a young person questioning their identity and how their family, friends, teammates, etc would react.

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book was definitely more about baseball then emotions. If the purpose of the book was to teach children a little tiny bit about life as a transgender than it may have done that. There really is not a lot of discussion of the topic and really no look into the life of a child who is transgender. As a sports book it was good.

[Debbie Tanner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Caz really loves to play baseball and he's worried that he might not be able to play the way he did back home in Toronto in his new home in Washington state. Lots of things are different now in Washington, including the fact that Caz used to be Cassandra. This is a really nice story about a boy who is transgender and how that might play out. I think the kids are going to like this one.

[Aimee Santiago · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written at about a fourth grade level, but a wonderful story that is relatable for young students and builds empathy. Found this in an educator newsletter and low and behold it’s written by an author located in Vancouver British Columbia. Hard for me to find locally authored works for my students. This one is definitely on my wish list.

[Mike Broderick · Rating 4 out of 5]

When starting, I thought the theme would be fairly significant for my grade six students but it was actually themed in such a way that the students could really understand. Since we know that kids struggle with who they are at a young age, I really like this book bringing thoughts and feelings to the forefront. Well written, interesting and relevant.

[Olivia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED THIS! Such a sweet and heartfelt middle grade read. Absolutely loved how the author handled Caz’s transition and expression of his gender identity.

*full disclosure I work for Orca Book Publishers, but man what a cute read!

[Wendy MacKnight · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much! Ace baseball player Caz has a secret: he used to be Cassandra. How will his new friends react when they learn his secret? Told with sensitivity, humour, and with a fabulous baseball story, this book is a must-read!

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

good book!! a few errors but still a great read :) wholesome vibes only. i especially like the last 20ish pages
and because in a lot of these reviews for some reason people are mentioning the team they root for--GO ROCKIES!

[Yapha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent look at life as a transgender preteen, with some really good explanations of being born in the wrong body, wrapped in an exciting baseball story. Highly recommended for grades 4 & up.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

more books with trans boys please

[Skye · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book. I felt more aware about transgender issues.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this could be required reading for *all* middle schoolers. Such a great story.