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Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life
Katherine Ormerod, journalist and social media mogul, is here to burst the Instagram bubble and discuss the real effects of social media 'perfection'.
The internet has set destructive standards of flawlessness and comparison. We're working so hard to live up to these new benchmarks that we're burning ourselves out, and we're working so hard to maintain them that we're self-perpetuating an unobtainable reality.
Until girls and women alike see the social media fantasies for what they are - constructed realities - and stop comparing their lifestyles, bodies, partners, even families to those seen on their feeds and screens, they will never be able to realize their potential in the workplace, in the political system or in their quest for happiness.
In How Social Media is Ruining Your Life, Katherine explodes our social-media-addled ideas about body image, money, relationships, motherhood, careers, politics and more, and gives readers the tools they need to control their own online lives, rather than being controlled by them. An important book for any woman who has ever looked at her Instagram feed and thought, 'Who are these women, and how the hell do they do it?'
The internet has set destructive standards of flawlessness and comparison. We're working so hard to live up to these new benchmarks that we're burning ourselves out, and we're working so hard to maintain them that we're self-perpetuating an unobtainable reality.
Until girls and women alike see the social media fantasies for what they are - constructed realities - and stop comparing their lifestyles, bodies, partners, even families to those seen on their feeds and screens, they will never be able to realize their potential in the workplace, in the political system or in their quest for happiness.
In How Social Media is Ruining Your Life, Katherine explodes our social-media-addled ideas about body image, money, relationships, motherhood, careers, politics and more, and gives readers the tools they need to control their own online lives, rather than being controlled by them. An important book for any woman who has ever looked at her Instagram feed and thought, 'Who are these women, and how the hell do they do it?'
256 pages, Hardcover
First published October 16, 2018
150 people are currently reading
1752 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews
July 15, 2020
Wasn't personally for me, I think it was more meant for those who actively post on social media and compare their lives and looks to others through it. That's not really where my issue with social media is. For me the issue is more the whole data situation, manipulation tactics, and behavioural addiction.
November 26, 2018
Sure, it has a clickbait-y title, but get past that and Katherine Ormerod is just as ambivalent about social media as the rest of us. We want the good parts of it but not the bad, and we don't want to accept that we can't pick and choose (she says, on Goodreads, which is social media). I learned a lot from this, and realised that there's still a lot for me to understand.
July 23, 2022
The six key components of addiction: salience (how deeply ingrained is your smartphone in your life), tolerance (are you checking your accounts endlessly?), euphoria (the excitement you get before or after you use your cell phone), conflict(is your phone causing trouble in your life or relationships?), withdrawal symptoms (do you panic when separated from your phone?), and relapse (have you tried to cut back and failed?)
Data confirmed by Apple indicates that the average user unlocks their phone every 11 minutes, 15 seconds.
A 2015 poll found that 89 percent of Americans admitted they took out a phone at their last social encounter and 82 percent said that they felt the conversation deteriorated after they did so.
Viewing likes underneath a picture they had posted activated the same brain signals as eating chocolate or winning money.
According to a 2017 CareerBuilder survey, 70 percent of employers use social media to screen candidates before hiring, and three in ten HR departments have a member of staff dedicated solely to social recruiting.
In the US suicide rates have been back on the rise since 2010, after two decades of decline.
A San Diego States University study shows the increase of young people taking their own lives directly mirrors the surge in social media use, pointing to a correlation.
According to a Gallup Poll, 40 percent of Americans get less than 6 hours of sleep each night.
A survey of American Millennials by One Poll found that 65 percent don't feel comfortable engaging with someone face to face, and 80 percent prefer conversing digitally.
The more often your partner uses his or her phone in your presence, the higher the level of conflict in your relationship.
Be aware that your data is a commodity.
Data confirmed by Apple indicates that the average user unlocks their phone every 11 minutes, 15 seconds.
A 2015 poll found that 89 percent of Americans admitted they took out a phone at their last social encounter and 82 percent said that they felt the conversation deteriorated after they did so.
Viewing likes underneath a picture they had posted activated the same brain signals as eating chocolate or winning money.
According to a 2017 CareerBuilder survey, 70 percent of employers use social media to screen candidates before hiring, and three in ten HR departments have a member of staff dedicated solely to social recruiting.
In the US suicide rates have been back on the rise since 2010, after two decades of decline.
A San Diego States University study shows the increase of young people taking their own lives directly mirrors the surge in social media use, pointing to a correlation.
According to a Gallup Poll, 40 percent of Americans get less than 6 hours of sleep each night.
A survey of American Millennials by One Poll found that 65 percent don't feel comfortable engaging with someone face to face, and 80 percent prefer conversing digitally.
The more often your partner uses his or her phone in your presence, the higher the level of conflict in your relationship.
Be aware that your data is a commodity.
March 13, 2021
Concise, relevant, informative and surprisingly personal. Recommended.
December 27, 2018
3.5 stars - great topic presented in a well structured and well researched way. Working in social media (and being a keen reader on the topic!) means that a lot of this was “old news” for me, but enjoyable nonetheless. Would definitely recommend to people who want more insight into the impact of social media in the current world.
February 14, 2024
Very interesting read into social media and it's affects on many aspects of human life. Reading this as a man, it was very eye opening to see the effects it has on women and how the affects of it can differ between genders. Would recommend to everyone to read to understand how to consume social media in a healthy way
February 10, 2019
Really enjoyable overall and appreciated the various topics that Katherine touched on.
One quote has really stood out to me from this and has left me pondering:
"Maybe, just maybe, we'll be able to leave our distructive habits behind and enjoy social media for what it is: the best 1 percent of our lives, with the real stuff, the other 99 per cent, hidden for only our real friends to discover."
What if that was the case?!
One quote has really stood out to me from this and has left me pondering:
"Maybe, just maybe, we'll be able to leave our distructive habits behind and enjoy social media for what it is: the best 1 percent of our lives, with the real stuff, the other 99 per cent, hidden for only our real friends to discover."
What if that was the case?!
February 7, 2019
This book was chosen for book club and I found it very basic. It was everything we already read about online and hear about in the news, but with some research and tonnes of personal experience thrown in. What a shame.
March 11, 2022
A little too repetitive and centered on problematics that affect huge social-media users rather than the issues of social media itself. I thought it was going to be more like “The social Dilemma”… the part about politics was interesting tho
January 28, 2023
I deleted all my social media.
January 29, 2022
I'll be frank: I had mixed feelings with the content of the book. For one, I found many valuable insights on the topic at hand: the ruinous effects that social media is bringing to our lives. I believe that I can use many of the topics I learned and apply them towards building my self-discipline in using my social media accounts.
However, and this is a big "however", the book is in a way deceptive in the sense that I wasn't expecting the content to be focused towards a female audience. Most of the content presented were geared to cope with the struggles women face in relation to social media.
It's not that I have anything against women or any of the issues they have. I do sympathise with them, and thankfully I got to view certain social issues from the perspective of women. The book was in a way an eye-opener for me. I just wish the book didn't mislead me into thinking this would cater to a more general population.
Nonetheless, this book does deserve love for the insights it provides.
However, and this is a big "however", the book is in a way deceptive in the sense that I wasn't expecting the content to be focused towards a female audience. Most of the content presented were geared to cope with the struggles women face in relation to social media.
It's not that I have anything against women or any of the issues they have. I do sympathise with them, and thankfully I got to view certain social issues from the perspective of women. The book was in a way an eye-opener for me. I just wish the book didn't mislead me into thinking this would cater to a more general population.
Nonetheless, this book does deserve love for the insights it provides.
January 15, 2022
This book isn't bad by any measure - it's nicely written and makes many valid, well-researched points. But overall I found it a bit obvious and repetitive (the entire book can be summed up as: social media is full of photoshop and fakery, and we're all addicted to it in some way). Also given that the author is an "influencer" in the fashion industry, I found the book a bit hypocritical. She is part of the driving force behind the addiction, the depression and the lack of self-worth we all feel, not just a victim to it. Kind of like when the mega-rich complain about capitalism, the very thing that got them mega-rich. An okay book, but won't blow your mind.
August 14, 2019
I expected more depth regarding the use normal people make of social media; I found it to be too influencer-focused. However, I very much enjoyed the chapter about motherhood and the way research is presented.
October 4, 2019
Interesting points but intensely focused on a female reader audience, and even there filtered toward a particular female audience that is heavy user of social media for self documentating, selfies and the like.
I think the title should really be changed to reflect this very specific target reader.
I think the title should really be changed to reflect this very specific target reader.
April 26, 2022
I don’t think I’m the primary target of this book. Although there are some interesting insights and research, I think this book is paramount for the ones who work with social media - specifically influencers. I agree with everything said in this book. Social media can ruin your life, not to even mention that according to statistics, we spend in average 7 years on our phones during our whole life. That’s a lot. I’m a “victim” of the effects social media can have in your life but understand and breaking the addictive behavior is a first good step. Found utterly interesting how social media can shape our thoughts and life - especially women - due the amount of vitriol installed in these platforms. The comparison we unconsciously or consciously do when we scroll down our feeds is toxic and that’s why I believe we should limit our time on social media as much as we can.
September 23, 2023
The book being published before the covid-19 lockdowns may feel out of place since social media became the only way we could reach out to friends and family during that period. But then again, the addiction crept up even to the most stalwart opponents, and the majority of users saw first hand (even the deniers) how social media usage divided people politically and socially. I would like to rate the book higher, but unfortunately it caters mostly to a female audience, even if the matters addressed concern all genders.
April 1, 2024
This was a really insightful and relatable book into how social media is changing the world and subsequently, our lives. I’ve given 4 out of 5 stars for a few reasons: firstly, the bus is a rather bleak, and terrifying (albeit very accurate) outlook. Secondly, it’s written by an influencer, so there’s an extent to which she doesn’t practice what she is preaching. And thirdly, it is exclusively aimed at women (and largely cis women). That said, it was really interesting, engaging and thought-provoking. I feel like everyone who struggles to take time away from their phone should give this a read.
December 27, 2019
Fear the new. Fear anything as long as Ormerod is getting his pay check.
October 31, 2021
For someone who works in social media, the book wasn't necessarily an eye-opener, but a good reminder still to be mindful of my personal social media habits. My favourite sections were those on career and body image, whereas some of the other paragraphs felt a bit self-help-y at times. Overall it wasn't an easy and casual read, as it's thoroughly researched and a lot more academic in style than I'd have thought.
May 4, 2024
think I was expecting something a bit more political/scientific and this was very self help vibes. a good audiobook for the treadmill
February 11, 2021
I was a little disappointed in the content of this book. I was hoping for a more research based look at how social media addiction works. Instead I felt like I was reading a book catered towards other social media “influencers” and giving them tips about how to balance their online and offline lives. A lot of the tips and insights felt very superficial.
It was easy to read and I liked reading some of her anecdotes, though.
It was easy to read and I liked reading some of her anecdotes, though.
April 12, 2019
I nodded along a lot while listening to the audiobook for this book. I think generally it is structured really well and addresses the most relevant topics in an overall balanced way. It gives you a decent overview of how social media developed over time and Katherine is a good narrator. This book isn’t trying to catastrophise social media (which I appreciate) and tell you to quit it entirely but it is inviting you to be more aware of how and how often we rely on social media and to not be a passive and ignorant user. My main downside for this book is that I found some of the more anecdotal chapters a bit self-indulgent. However, I did like the tone of it and the narrative as it wasn’t relying on overly technical languague and focused more on people’s feelings towards social media and how it can affect our society overally but also our personal identities.
August 31, 2021
I didn't expect this book to have such a positive view of social media, and I guess I didn't expect for the author to be someone who uses it so much. I am someone who finds the fakery online to be quite narcissistic and repulsive, I use Instagram more like a sometimes used photo album and Twitter to see what others are doing in my profession, and I guess I was just disappointed to learn how outside the norm I apparently am. Take, for example, the assertion in the book that everyone filters everything. I didn't even know the extent to which people do this. I literally only thought people changed the light a little if their camera were a bit rubbish, not that people literally photoshopped basic images of their friends having a drink...
Needless to say, I am now just more frightened about where social media is going than I was before.
Needless to say, I am now just more frightened about where social media is going than I was before.
September 19, 2019
I didn’t actually finished the book which is unlike me to do. I found I was really struggling to get through it and it felt as though it was aimed more at “influencers” than normal every day users or social media.
August 18, 2023
Informative, balanced and well researched as well as interesting to read. Ormerod brings her own experiences and observation into the narrative to engage readers and personalise the book. Could not recommend enough.
The book is filled with some eye-opening insights into our concerning reality that is increasing dominated by social media and also ends by exploring some worrying predictions for how our lives will continue to be affected by this in the future. This book injects fierce debate with all associated issues surrounding social media usage, and in particular, Instagram.
//
Social media eradicates the normative of everyday life as well as the failures, struggles and anything not so positive. Instead all we are exposed to is positive life goals and aspirational moments including perfect careers, perfect family life, the perfect body, perfect wardrobe, the best holidays etc etc On social media it is not okay to just be getting by, you have to have the best of everything and what you do have will never be good enough.
We are yet to know the long term effects of social media on our well being but it is already engrained in most of our lives and seems impossible to now unplug.
//
"offering opportunity, discovery and the chance to forge new relationships in one hand, and self-criticism, alienation and potential mental-health crises in the other" - page, 8.
> behavioural addiction
>hugely focusses on self-promotion
>identity crisis
>platform for new voices and the under-represented but also can be used for extremists and platform of hate and bullying
>fantasy vs reality
"We're coping aline, consuming social media content from the moment we wake to the instant before we sleep and slowing the worst sides of it slowly eat away at our self-esteem, sense of identity and happiness." -page, 8.
'Social media has become a repetition of lifestyles consisting if idllic holidays, career moments, material consumption. family moments all captured aesthetically attractive as possible no negative or indeed anything not entirely positive has no place on social media." -page. 20.
'These instagram models are struggling, self-doubting and under huge pressure to keep up with appearances although they are projecting a lifestyle which we all aspire to the reality is they are often addicted to their phones, deeply insecure and highly anxious about their social media profile.' -page, 22.
"Social media has inarguably set destructive standards of flawlessness and comparison, which continuously depleted millions of women' self belief, every minute of every day." -page, 22.
'The conversation must be re-frames as fantasy is posted on social media as reality and that becomes dangerous'
"Instead of feeling grateful for what we have, we believe we need to be more, just to come up to scratch. Our careers, our wardrobes, our lifestyles, even our children - none of them are enough." -page, 24.
"We are comparing ourselves to versions of others that just don't exist." -24.
"The like button was designed to give us a dopamine hit which would fuel a desire to upload more content, this becomes addictive or know as 'chasing the likes' " -page, 26.
"Only posting the beautiful side of our lives without mentioning the less photogenic parts, or even the daily grind, isn't 'living the truth' -page, 31.
Which in turn makes hundreds of thousands of people feel disappointed with the reality of their lives.
"There is an increasingly vocal real beauty movement on social media with women rebelling every day against aesthetic conformity however this is no way near the majority." - page, 35.
"Recommending total social media honesty is going to fall on deaf ears because our capitalistic society still loinize youth, slimness and financial success, and its usually difficult to escape that conditioning" - page, 35.
A digital identity is created for you based on your activity and overall preferences. In real life, where you walk down the street, you can be exposed to everything - not just something tailored to you, so the experience is very different.
As well as wanting to look good on paper we also want to look good on our screens now this often involves making daily decisions about how we want to project ourselves online. And this in increasinly influencing our identity.
Fakeness is having a massive influence on our perceptions of the world and ourselves and essentially damaging the way women feel about themselves.
In an age where more people own a phone than a toothbrush.
No one life is perfect or better, its just a question of presentation.
Social media is a game we play with ideas about our sense of self - page, 41.
"Ultimately we are all products of our pasts, presents and futures and our identities combine both our roots and aspirations" -page, 52.
'The sheer scale and volume of images we now internalise is fundamentally altering our relationship with our bodies.' -page, 60.
"We are now so immersed in images of perfection that we have almost no realistic idea of what other people look like." -page, 61.
"It is neither normal or exaggerated. It is in fact one of the biggest contemporary challenges that women in every country that has WIFI are contending with." -page, 61.
"Social media has made us want to look like other people - but those people don't even look like that." -page, 64.
If social media tends to be the first we look at when we wake and the last thing before we sleep, how can it not begin to affect our entire perspective of ourselves and others.
page 85 - mental health facts.
"Of the hundreds of women you're following on social media, a third of them will be in a violent relationship at some point in their lives." - page, 89.
"If we could tell the truth rather than curate what we wished to be true, it would all serve us. There is no shame in struggle, but if there's no mention of it in our perfectly digital lifestyles, we only feel all the more shamed. Life's messy and complicated, and sometimes really ugly, and if we want social media to be a healthier environment, it needs to reflect that too." -page, 91.
"Ever wondered why social media sites are free? Its because you - or your data - are the product and advertisers are the customers. If all this time you thought Facebook et al were programmed to serve you, it's time for a rude awakening." - page, 93.
"Every single person should be aware that in 2018 a shocking 25% of teenage girls in the UK has been diagnosed with a mental health issue." -page, 99.
"As soon as you Google 'pregnancy test,' share your conception news on Facebook or download a pregnancy app, you are hounded night and day by brands looking to capitalise on both your new retail needs and insecurities. (...) There is no privacy in pregnancy: you're just too valuable a digital consumer." -page, 161.
"The thing is that anyone can edit the reality, so there's exactly zero point using those images against which to judge yourself or what you're doing." -page, 173.
"A rolling conveyor belt if not just goods but also experiences continuously passes before your until you start to believe what the meaning of life looks like." -page, 177.
'This is modern day success. On social media everyone needs to have a jet set life.'
"How often do we hear on social media about the power of education to transform your life? Far less than we hear about how teeth whitening can apparently do the same thing." - page, 182.
"Working on ourselves is perhaps the biggest task that most of us will face in the pursuit of happiness and no number of trips or designer shopping splurges can make a dent in a process which can be both painful and relentless." - page, 196.
"As we don't live in a communist society, inequality is a fact of life. But social media can make everything seem even more unequal than it actually is." - page, 198.
"Living for content is just no way to exist - especially if you want a financially secure future." - page, 199.
"Nothing worth having comes for free." - page, 199.
"Keep your expectations grounded in reality and make decisions based on your long-term financial priorities rather than short-term FOMO issues." - page, 200.
"The most significant point is the fact that we all willingly and trustingly gave up so much of our personal information to social media platforms and third parties in the first place." - page, 202.
"Be aware that your data is a commodity." -page, 221.
"It might appear that the platforms themselves are the product that these businesses are selling, but that's not the case. You are the product."- page, 227.
I think in general it is pretty clear that social just amplifies pressure to have the best, be the best across all areas of lifestyle be it the perfect boyfriend, wedding, holiday destination, house etc to a scale that we have never be exposed to before.
Social media allows the means to edit out parts of our life - be it our appearance, troublesome times etc - that we find displeasing. This is super dangerous.
The book is filled with some eye-opening insights into our concerning reality that is increasing dominated by social media and also ends by exploring some worrying predictions for how our lives will continue to be affected by this in the future. This book injects fierce debate with all associated issues surrounding social media usage, and in particular, Instagram.
//
Social media eradicates the normative of everyday life as well as the failures, struggles and anything not so positive. Instead all we are exposed to is positive life goals and aspirational moments including perfect careers, perfect family life, the perfect body, perfect wardrobe, the best holidays etc etc On social media it is not okay to just be getting by, you have to have the best of everything and what you do have will never be good enough.
We are yet to know the long term effects of social media on our well being but it is already engrained in most of our lives and seems impossible to now unplug.
//
"offering opportunity, discovery and the chance to forge new relationships in one hand, and self-criticism, alienation and potential mental-health crises in the other" - page, 8.
> behavioural addiction
>hugely focusses on self-promotion
>identity crisis
>platform for new voices and the under-represented but also can be used for extremists and platform of hate and bullying
>fantasy vs reality
"We're coping aline, consuming social media content from the moment we wake to the instant before we sleep and slowing the worst sides of it slowly eat away at our self-esteem, sense of identity and happiness." -page, 8.
'Social media has become a repetition of lifestyles consisting if idllic holidays, career moments, material consumption. family moments all captured aesthetically attractive as possible no negative or indeed anything not entirely positive has no place on social media." -page. 20.
'These instagram models are struggling, self-doubting and under huge pressure to keep up with appearances although they are projecting a lifestyle which we all aspire to the reality is they are often addicted to their phones, deeply insecure and highly anxious about their social media profile.' -page, 22.
"Social media has inarguably set destructive standards of flawlessness and comparison, which continuously depleted millions of women' self belief, every minute of every day." -page, 22.
'The conversation must be re-frames as fantasy is posted on social media as reality and that becomes dangerous'
"Instead of feeling grateful for what we have, we believe we need to be more, just to come up to scratch. Our careers, our wardrobes, our lifestyles, even our children - none of them are enough." -page, 24.
"We are comparing ourselves to versions of others that just don't exist." -24.
"The like button was designed to give us a dopamine hit which would fuel a desire to upload more content, this becomes addictive or know as 'chasing the likes' " -page, 26.
"Only posting the beautiful side of our lives without mentioning the less photogenic parts, or even the daily grind, isn't 'living the truth' -page, 31.
Which in turn makes hundreds of thousands of people feel disappointed with the reality of their lives.
"There is an increasingly vocal real beauty movement on social media with women rebelling every day against aesthetic conformity however this is no way near the majority." - page, 35.
"Recommending total social media honesty is going to fall on deaf ears because our capitalistic society still loinize youth, slimness and financial success, and its usually difficult to escape that conditioning" - page, 35.
A digital identity is created for you based on your activity and overall preferences. In real life, where you walk down the street, you can be exposed to everything - not just something tailored to you, so the experience is very different.
As well as wanting to look good on paper we also want to look good on our screens now this often involves making daily decisions about how we want to project ourselves online. And this in increasinly influencing our identity.
Fakeness is having a massive influence on our perceptions of the world and ourselves and essentially damaging the way women feel about themselves.
In an age where more people own a phone than a toothbrush.
No one life is perfect or better, its just a question of presentation.
Social media is a game we play with ideas about our sense of self - page, 41.
"Ultimately we are all products of our pasts, presents and futures and our identities combine both our roots and aspirations" -page, 52.
'The sheer scale and volume of images we now internalise is fundamentally altering our relationship with our bodies.' -page, 60.
"We are now so immersed in images of perfection that we have almost no realistic idea of what other people look like." -page, 61.
"It is neither normal or exaggerated. It is in fact one of the biggest contemporary challenges that women in every country that has WIFI are contending with." -page, 61.
"Social media has made us want to look like other people - but those people don't even look like that." -page, 64.
If social media tends to be the first we look at when we wake and the last thing before we sleep, how can it not begin to affect our entire perspective of ourselves and others.
page 85 - mental health facts.
"Of the hundreds of women you're following on social media, a third of them will be in a violent relationship at some point in their lives." - page, 89.
"If we could tell the truth rather than curate what we wished to be true, it would all serve us. There is no shame in struggle, but if there's no mention of it in our perfectly digital lifestyles, we only feel all the more shamed. Life's messy and complicated, and sometimes really ugly, and if we want social media to be a healthier environment, it needs to reflect that too." -page, 91.
"Ever wondered why social media sites are free? Its because you - or your data - are the product and advertisers are the customers. If all this time you thought Facebook et al were programmed to serve you, it's time for a rude awakening." - page, 93.
"Every single person should be aware that in 2018 a shocking 25% of teenage girls in the UK has been diagnosed with a mental health issue." -page, 99.
"As soon as you Google 'pregnancy test,' share your conception news on Facebook or download a pregnancy app, you are hounded night and day by brands looking to capitalise on both your new retail needs and insecurities. (...) There is no privacy in pregnancy: you're just too valuable a digital consumer." -page, 161.
"The thing is that anyone can edit the reality, so there's exactly zero point using those images against which to judge yourself or what you're doing." -page, 173.
"A rolling conveyor belt if not just goods but also experiences continuously passes before your until you start to believe what the meaning of life looks like." -page, 177.
'This is modern day success. On social media everyone needs to have a jet set life.'
"How often do we hear on social media about the power of education to transform your life? Far less than we hear about how teeth whitening can apparently do the same thing." - page, 182.
"Working on ourselves is perhaps the biggest task that most of us will face in the pursuit of happiness and no number of trips or designer shopping splurges can make a dent in a process which can be both painful and relentless." - page, 196.
"As we don't live in a communist society, inequality is a fact of life. But social media can make everything seem even more unequal than it actually is." - page, 198.
"Living for content is just no way to exist - especially if you want a financially secure future." - page, 199.
"Nothing worth having comes for free." - page, 199.
"Keep your expectations grounded in reality and make decisions based on your long-term financial priorities rather than short-term FOMO issues." - page, 200.
"The most significant point is the fact that we all willingly and trustingly gave up so much of our personal information to social media platforms and third parties in the first place." - page, 202.
"Be aware that your data is a commodity." -page, 221.
"It might appear that the platforms themselves are the product that these businesses are selling, but that's not the case. You are the product."- page, 227.
I think in general it is pretty clear that social just amplifies pressure to have the best, be the best across all areas of lifestyle be it the perfect boyfriend, wedding, holiday destination, house etc to a scale that we have never be exposed to before.
Social media allows the means to edit out parts of our life - be it our appearance, troublesome times etc - that we find displeasing. This is super dangerous.
Read
February 27, 2023I recently decided to quit social media so when I was browsing my local library and stumbled across this book, it seemed like the ideal time. It does exactly what the title says: it provides insight into how and why social media is ruining your life with each chapter focusing on a different topic such as body image, relationships, health etc.
The first thing that struck me is that the book is written for young white cisgender heterosexual women and girls in their 40s or below. Anybody that falls outside of this demographic can read it but will find it hard to relate to the author's perspective. The issue with this is that from a marketing and publishing perspective, it's unclear that this is the case from reading the blurb and even the introduction. So it's easy to pick this book up and start reading only to realise you aren't the target audience.
Whilst some parts of this book were insightful and interesting, particularly the parts about the importance of protecting our personal data, for the most part it was drab, repetitive and common sense. Some of these common sense points included:
- Seeing images of young women that are airbrushed, photoshopped, Facetuned etc. is creating poor self-image for the girls and women that see them and compare themselves to these impossible standards.
- Spending time on social media when you're with your loved ones will negatively impact your relationships.
- Getting health advice and information for social media can be detrimental as it's often incorrect and uninformed.
- Seeing/hearing hundreds or thousands of opinions on social media everyday will likely impact your ability to listen to your own voice.
- Comparing your life to the rich and famous on social media will make you feel inferior.
And on and on it goes with these obvious statements and points. This was exacerbated by the fact that the book was hugely under researched and the author was mostly reliant on her own perspective and anecdotes. The best part of the book was the first two chapters about identity and body image. From there on, the chapters seemed to dip in quality and towards the end it felt like the author had bitten off more than she could chew taking on complex topics such as politics which felt haphazard and hugely under researched. Not to mention that the brief section about feminism and TERFs sounded a lot like the author is a TERF herself...
My biggest issue with this book was the author's perspective and voice. She talks to you as if you are the same as her and share her perspective on everything, and there's no appreciation for the diversity in her potential readers. The assumption that everyone is as addicted to social media as her was the one that irked me most because it was so persistent and in my case, incorrect. I've never suffered with using social media to the extent that's cited in this book. I don't know if I'm in the minority there (I guess that shows an inherent flaw in this book's research, because I really should know that after reading a book about social media use) but I felt that the issue of social media usage and addiction was exaggerated throughout.
Despite the fact that I found more to dislike than like about this book, and would not recommend it, I did find it valuable in affirming that my decision to leave social media was the right one. Everything that's presented in this book is correct (even though it is sometimes exaggerated) and I do believe that whilst social media in moderation, used in the right contexts is harmless, it is more likely to have a detrimental impact especially when used to excess. I also think that we need to start taking conversations about the dangers of social media more seriously and looking at ways to protect young people from the darker side of social media which perpetuates things like eating disorders, self-harm, suicide amongst many other harmful things.
The first thing that struck me is that the book is written for young white cisgender heterosexual women and girls in their 40s or below. Anybody that falls outside of this demographic can read it but will find it hard to relate to the author's perspective. The issue with this is that from a marketing and publishing perspective, it's unclear that this is the case from reading the blurb and even the introduction. So it's easy to pick this book up and start reading only to realise you aren't the target audience.
Whilst some parts of this book were insightful and interesting, particularly the parts about the importance of protecting our personal data, for the most part it was drab, repetitive and common sense. Some of these common sense points included:
- Seeing images of young women that are airbrushed, photoshopped, Facetuned etc. is creating poor self-image for the girls and women that see them and compare themselves to these impossible standards.
- Spending time on social media when you're with your loved ones will negatively impact your relationships.
- Getting health advice and information for social media can be detrimental as it's often incorrect and uninformed.
- Seeing/hearing hundreds or thousands of opinions on social media everyday will likely impact your ability to listen to your own voice.
- Comparing your life to the rich and famous on social media will make you feel inferior.
And on and on it goes with these obvious statements and points. This was exacerbated by the fact that the book was hugely under researched and the author was mostly reliant on her own perspective and anecdotes. The best part of the book was the first two chapters about identity and body image. From there on, the chapters seemed to dip in quality and towards the end it felt like the author had bitten off more than she could chew taking on complex topics such as politics which felt haphazard and hugely under researched. Not to mention that the brief section about feminism and TERFs sounded a lot like the author is a TERF herself...
My biggest issue with this book was the author's perspective and voice. She talks to you as if you are the same as her and share her perspective on everything, and there's no appreciation for the diversity in her potential readers. The assumption that everyone is as addicted to social media as her was the one that irked me most because it was so persistent and in my case, incorrect. I've never suffered with using social media to the extent that's cited in this book. I don't know if I'm in the minority there (I guess that shows an inherent flaw in this book's research, because I really should know that after reading a book about social media use) but I felt that the issue of social media usage and addiction was exaggerated throughout.
Despite the fact that I found more to dislike than like about this book, and would not recommend it, I did find it valuable in affirming that my decision to leave social media was the right one. Everything that's presented in this book is correct (even though it is sometimes exaggerated) and I do believe that whilst social media in moderation, used in the right contexts is harmless, it is more likely to have a detrimental impact especially when used to excess. I also think that we need to start taking conversations about the dangers of social media more seriously and looking at ways to protect young people from the darker side of social media which perpetuates things like eating disorders, self-harm, suicide amongst many other harmful things.
February 6, 2024
I feel pretty conflicted about this one. I stumbled on it at my local library while about to take out the rather ubiquitous "Ten Arguments For Deleting Your Social Media Accounts". That book I momentarily abandoned for this one with its catchy insistent (though obvious) title.
I found most of it pretty familiar, insightful and frighteningly accurate. There were a few things that made it uniquely interesting: specifically it's female-angle lent to a richer look at some of the particularly nefarious aspects of beauty envy, pressures and performative experience. The chapter on Motherhood and birth was particularly complex and full of examples I hadn't even considered.
The challenge... at least for this reader, was that it was written by someone who essentially IS an influencer. Though she is clearly critical of the world she works in, she kinda seems to miss, what is for me, the main point. Influencer culture, and social media (as this new form of market of self-advertisement) is a terrible thing.
Maybe that's the Monk in me. I'm also more interested in the concept of social media as self-expression, and here her language stays pretty staunchly in the marketing economy. Self-expression through design or fashion is used to push brands or generate likes. I have a more holistic and likely naive ambition to use creative expression to elevate the human experience.
Instead, our interaction with social media is reduced to a subtle form of exploitation. The new resource that we will savagely exploit is not natural, but human. We are the product, or at least our purchasing power is the goods to be extracted.
I suppose I am naive to think that a world separate from this can exist, and I am currently in a complex off'n'on-again relationship with social media. So I realize it isn't so simple.
But what an absurd world when a quote would come from some unrecognized name but Ormerod would quickly note their following numbers, as a way of showing their value or authority. Mr. So-and-so (10lk Followers on Insta 50k followers on Twitter).... What has become of us?
This, to me, is the great area of interest: how has social media and the technological developments of the internet stripped us of our humanity, or distorted our desires for human identity? How is our presence "online" been reduced to influence and profit?
Capitalism's last vestige perhaps, is now the Wild West of the internet. And after reading this it seems most of the world is just clamouring for a piece of that pie while hoping not to feel too bad for it.
Any book that honestly looks at social media proves to be a bit more of science fiction horror in my assessment. A dystopian look at our strange world, spiralling into a new excess. I'm being hyperbolic I know.
Anyways, here's a book about how being an Influencer is tricky, and how to maybe be a self-aware Influencer.
But for the rest of us, who think the sickness might lie deeper in the heart, we will need some stronger remedy.
I found most of it pretty familiar, insightful and frighteningly accurate. There were a few things that made it uniquely interesting: specifically it's female-angle lent to a richer look at some of the particularly nefarious aspects of beauty envy, pressures and performative experience. The chapter on Motherhood and birth was particularly complex and full of examples I hadn't even considered.
The challenge... at least for this reader, was that it was written by someone who essentially IS an influencer. Though she is clearly critical of the world she works in, she kinda seems to miss, what is for me, the main point. Influencer culture, and social media (as this new form of market of self-advertisement) is a terrible thing.
Maybe that's the Monk in me. I'm also more interested in the concept of social media as self-expression, and here her language stays pretty staunchly in the marketing economy. Self-expression through design or fashion is used to push brands or generate likes. I have a more holistic and likely naive ambition to use creative expression to elevate the human experience.
Instead, our interaction with social media is reduced to a subtle form of exploitation. The new resource that we will savagely exploit is not natural, but human. We are the product, or at least our purchasing power is the goods to be extracted.
I suppose I am naive to think that a world separate from this can exist, and I am currently in a complex off'n'on-again relationship with social media. So I realize it isn't so simple.
But what an absurd world when a quote would come from some unrecognized name but Ormerod would quickly note their following numbers, as a way of showing their value or authority. Mr. So-and-so (10lk Followers on Insta 50k followers on Twitter).... What has become of us?
This, to me, is the great area of interest: how has social media and the technological developments of the internet stripped us of our humanity, or distorted our desires for human identity? How is our presence "online" been reduced to influence and profit?
Capitalism's last vestige perhaps, is now the Wild West of the internet. And after reading this it seems most of the world is just clamouring for a piece of that pie while hoping not to feel too bad for it.
Any book that honestly looks at social media proves to be a bit more of science fiction horror in my assessment. A dystopian look at our strange world, spiralling into a new excess. I'm being hyperbolic I know.
Anyways, here's a book about how being an Influencer is tricky, and how to maybe be a self-aware Influencer.
But for the rest of us, who think the sickness might lie deeper in the heart, we will need some stronger remedy.
March 1, 2019
This book is from a UK feminists point of view. She presents a very real & relatable reality for how social media is affecting women's lives, from birth to death.
She breaks down how social media affects our identity, body image, health, relationships, motherhood, career & money, and politics. Deep down I think a lot of us already know these things to be true, but having someone spell it out & even provide data proving it, is pretty eye opening.
Women make up the majority on social media. I always thought it was pretty equal when I think of how folks from both sexes & all age groups are glued to their phones, but the data says otherwise (not that males are off the hook!).
A few tidbits from the book:
The average person has eight social media accounts. People are addicted to their phones. The typical mobile phone user touches their phone 2,617 times a day. Apple indicates that the average user with Touch ID unlocks their phone every 11 minutes, 15 seconds. Fifty three percent of millennial's would rather lose their sense of smell than lose access to their phone or PC. The brains of teens activated the same signals as eating chocolate or winning money when a picture they posted received likes.
While I do not fall into the category of a heavy user - I only have one social media account, & *gasp* I don't have a smart phone (but I have a iPod so it's nearly the same thing IMO). I log on mostly for my business. I am online regularly, but not on social media. I don't know why FB hasn't managed to get me addicted, but I'm glad I'm free of the pull.
I'd like to add an example of my own to this book regarding 'How Social Media Is Ruining Your Life'. My Mother. She has a smart phone. She has Facebook. She wants me to be on FB messaging, posting, etc. I told her I don't feel comfortable with FB. I explained I don't feel it's safe, I don't like so much personal stuff being posted, etc. She then asked me how she was supposed to stay in touch with me. I told her she can email me or call me. She said she doesn't know how to email me & said she didn't want to talk to me on the phone. That's right, my own Mother doesn't want to actually hear her only daughters voice! We actually got in a fight over it! OMG, I hate social media.... But but but.... it has it's good sides too. I have no plans to close my account, but you will not find me posting about every second of my life & if you want to "see" me, then you'd better meet up with me in person. I'm not posting any photos either. So, I'm not the norm. I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.
Overall, I think this book is great. Lots of little tidbits to share with others that might even lead to real healthy discussion. The author doesn't say we need to quit, we just need to be responsible & aware.
She breaks down how social media affects our identity, body image, health, relationships, motherhood, career & money, and politics. Deep down I think a lot of us already know these things to be true, but having someone spell it out & even provide data proving it, is pretty eye opening.
Women make up the majority on social media. I always thought it was pretty equal when I think of how folks from both sexes & all age groups are glued to their phones, but the data says otherwise (not that males are off the hook!).
A few tidbits from the book:
The average person has eight social media accounts. People are addicted to their phones. The typical mobile phone user touches their phone 2,617 times a day. Apple indicates that the average user with Touch ID unlocks their phone every 11 minutes, 15 seconds. Fifty three percent of millennial's would rather lose their sense of smell than lose access to their phone or PC. The brains of teens activated the same signals as eating chocolate or winning money when a picture they posted received likes.
While I do not fall into the category of a heavy user - I only have one social media account, & *gasp* I don't have a smart phone (but I have a iPod so it's nearly the same thing IMO). I log on mostly for my business. I am online regularly, but not on social media. I don't know why FB hasn't managed to get me addicted, but I'm glad I'm free of the pull.
I'd like to add an example of my own to this book regarding 'How Social Media Is Ruining Your Life'. My Mother. She has a smart phone. She has Facebook. She wants me to be on FB messaging, posting, etc. I told her I don't feel comfortable with FB. I explained I don't feel it's safe, I don't like so much personal stuff being posted, etc. She then asked me how she was supposed to stay in touch with me. I told her she can email me or call me. She said she doesn't know how to email me & said she didn't want to talk to me on the phone. That's right, my own Mother doesn't want to actually hear her only daughters voice! We actually got in a fight over it! OMG, I hate social media.... But but but.... it has it's good sides too. I have no plans to close my account, but you will not find me posting about every second of my life & if you want to "see" me, then you'd better meet up with me in person. I'm not posting any photos either. So, I'm not the norm. I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.
Overall, I think this book is great. Lots of little tidbits to share with others that might even lead to real healthy discussion. The author doesn't say we need to quit, we just need to be responsible & aware.
December 4, 2018
I spend a huge amount of time on social media … for myself as well as the numerous clients I work for. There is no real cut off for me. The first thing I reach for when I open my eyes in the morning is my cellphone. The last thing I look at before I fall asleep is my Instagram feed. So, when this book landed on my desk I was a bit apprehensive. Could I be ruining my life?
Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life tackles the endless, unforgiving culture of comparison and perfection that we pursue online as we are at pains to shine in a sea of “sparkly diamonds”. Katherine Ormerod speaks to academics, doctors and psychologists as she tries to unpack the complex relationship we have with social media. It’s her contention that if we continue using social media as we do we will cause permanent damage. Our behavioural patterns will change, Shorter attention spans and depleted confidence – life will never be the same.
While there are no definitive answers, because our relationship with social media really depends on our individual personalities, Ormerod does offer insight into the phenomenon. Ormerod has a background in journalism and is also a social media influencer herself. In this book, she offers us a comprehensive and well-researched analysis of how we engage in a phenomenon she understands well. At the same time, she offers tools and methods to help us consume and engage with social media in a healthy way.
Social media need not be destructive. It need not make us anxious or unhappy. If we feel this way, we should take a step back and interrogate our engagement with it. Once we acknowledge the inherent shortcomings of social media and begin enjoying it for what it really is, it will become a fun and authentic experience. And this can only be a good thing.
And if you’re still struggling with the challenges of social media, take a look at Ormerod’s fantastic platform worworkwork.co – “an anti-perfectionism project which aims to reveal and explore the non-edited challenges that women face behind the fantasy of social media”. Empower yourself. Embrace imperfection. Perfection is not real.
Why Social Media is Ruining Your Life tackles the endless, unforgiving culture of comparison and perfection that we pursue online as we are at pains to shine in a sea of “sparkly diamonds”. Katherine Ormerod speaks to academics, doctors and psychologists as she tries to unpack the complex relationship we have with social media. It’s her contention that if we continue using social media as we do we will cause permanent damage. Our behavioural patterns will change, Shorter attention spans and depleted confidence – life will never be the same.
While there are no definitive answers, because our relationship with social media really depends on our individual personalities, Ormerod does offer insight into the phenomenon. Ormerod has a background in journalism and is also a social media influencer herself. In this book, she offers us a comprehensive and well-researched analysis of how we engage in a phenomenon she understands well. At the same time, she offers tools and methods to help us consume and engage with social media in a healthy way.
Social media need not be destructive. It need not make us anxious or unhappy. If we feel this way, we should take a step back and interrogate our engagement with it. Once we acknowledge the inherent shortcomings of social media and begin enjoying it for what it really is, it will become a fun and authentic experience. And this can only be a good thing.
And if you’re still struggling with the challenges of social media, take a look at Ormerod’s fantastic platform worworkwork.co – “an anti-perfectionism project which aims to reveal and explore the non-edited challenges that women face behind the fantasy of social media”. Empower yourself. Embrace imperfection. Perfection is not real.
April 4, 2024
I love her honesty/ realness and the endless snips of research.
The author speaks with intelligence but doesn't Teeter into boredom. She gives me the notion that I am to believe her and want to know why and how her pros and cons are to be. Ormerod shares the areas she admits to slacking on, even if reluctantly such as her desire to post her most slimming pictures against her role as a feminist. In my own opinion as a human most of us want to feel and look put together. It's beyond looking young or doing things to enhance ourselves. If we didn't take pride in this we would all show up to work as slobs on a Monday morning. We wouldn't ensure the freshest pair of undergarments on our way to a doctor's appointment or clean socks when bowling with the crowd. And the absence of those things we would at least feel self-conscious and mention a reason to blame it on like we were running late or out all night or we would ignore it and hope it wasn't noticed. On the flip side how would we feel interacting with someone who had dirty undergarments and fingernails? We'd possibly cringe and think that regardless of the income each person has ,we all have the ability to have a good hygiene so it says a lot. Looking presentable and feeling clean says a lot about somebody. Wanting to look good is a small entity of this. I wonder how many of us would choose between the following as social media picture that makes us look beautiful but has obvious dirty fingernails and stuff or would we rather not look our most beautiful but have obvious clean hygiene? Interesting question.
This isn't something the author imposes on us but the reflections and fact finding and studies that she reveals makes you think in so many different directions and I love that kind of book.
I love how the author encourages us on ways to enhance our social media experience instead of telling us just to dump it. By the title I wasn't sure which way she would go. It was definitely a very interesting read and something I'll keep on my shelf to read again later.
The author speaks with intelligence but doesn't Teeter into boredom. She gives me the notion that I am to believe her and want to know why and how her pros and cons are to be. Ormerod shares the areas she admits to slacking on, even if reluctantly such as her desire to post her most slimming pictures against her role as a feminist. In my own opinion as a human most of us want to feel and look put together. It's beyond looking young or doing things to enhance ourselves. If we didn't take pride in this we would all show up to work as slobs on a Monday morning. We wouldn't ensure the freshest pair of undergarments on our way to a doctor's appointment or clean socks when bowling with the crowd. And the absence of those things we would at least feel self-conscious and mention a reason to blame it on like we were running late or out all night or we would ignore it and hope it wasn't noticed. On the flip side how would we feel interacting with someone who had dirty undergarments and fingernails? We'd possibly cringe and think that regardless of the income each person has ,we all have the ability to have a good hygiene so it says a lot. Looking presentable and feeling clean says a lot about somebody. Wanting to look good is a small entity of this. I wonder how many of us would choose between the following as social media picture that makes us look beautiful but has obvious dirty fingernails and stuff or would we rather not look our most beautiful but have obvious clean hygiene? Interesting question.
This isn't something the author imposes on us but the reflections and fact finding and studies that she reveals makes you think in so many different directions and I love that kind of book.
I love how the author encourages us on ways to enhance our social media experience instead of telling us just to dump it. By the title I wasn't sure which way she would go. It was definitely a very interesting read and something I'll keep on my shelf to read again later.
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