Superparenting for ADD: An Innovative Approach to Raising Your Distracted Child

by Edward M. Hallowell, Peter S. Jensen

With decades of experience working with ADD children, Dr. Edward Hallowell–a pediatric psychiatric clinician, father of two ADD children, and himself an adult with ADD–understands how easily the gifts of this condition are lost on a child amid negative comments from doctors, teachers, and even loving but frustrated parents. Hallowell has long argued that ADD is too often misunderstood, mistreated, and mislabeled as a “disability.” Now he teams up with top academic ADD researcher Peter S. Jensen, M.D., who is himself a father of an ADD child, to bring you an upbeat and encouraging new approach to living with and helping your ADD child. The practical strength-based techniques Drs. Hallowell and Jensen present put the talents, charms, and positive essence of your child ahead of any presumed shortcomings. Clearly outlined and organized, Superparenting for ADD offers a specific game plan that includes

• UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Tune out the diagnosticians and labelers and simply notice and nourish the spirit of your child for who he is. Providing this unshakable base of support will set the tone for all interactions to come.
• VIEWING THE MIRROR TRAITS There are positive sides of the negative symptoms associated with stubbornness = persistence; impulsiveness = creativity; intrusiveness = eagerness. By recognizing the mirror traits, you avoid the ravages of shame and fear.
• THE CYCLE OF EXCELLENCE Use this critical 5-step process to help a child develop self- and social awareness. Nurture an environment in which a child can safely take risks, reserve time to let a child dabble as a way to learn, encourage playful practice, support mastery of a skill (whatever the skill may be), and then recognize a child’s accomplishments.
• IDENTIFYING AND TAPPING THE SOURCE Pinpoint your child’s inner, conative strengths, which drive what he naturally and spontaneously does, as opposed to what he is told to do or feels he must do. Your child will do his best when allowed to use these conative strengths.

Drs. Hallowell and Jensen fully understand the real and everyday challenges–both at home and at school–facing parents of an ADD child. Now this important book shows you how to unwrap the wonderful, surprising gifts of ADD and turn what is too often labeled a lifelong disability into a lifelong blessing.

Genres: Parenting, Adhd, Nonfiction, Self Help, Adult, Mental Health, Education

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 28, 2002

About the author

Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D., is a child and adult psychiatrist, a NY Times bestselling author, a world-renowned speaker and a leading authority in the field of ADHD. He has authored twenty books including the 1994 ground-breaking New York Times best-seller on ADHD, Driven to Distraction. In aggregate, Dr. Hallowell's books have sold more than 2 million copies on various psychological topics including how to: raise children into happy adults, manage worry, develop focus, forgiveness, connecting on a deeper level and how to inspire the best from employees. His most recent book was his Memoir, Because I Come From A Crazy Family The Making Of A Psychiatrist. His next book, ADHD 2.0 releases on January 12, 2021. Pre-order your copy today.

He is the host of “Distraction,” a weekly podcast that offers insights, strategies and tactics for coping and thriving in this crazy-busy, 24/7 over-connected modern world.

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another positive reframing of ADD. It's so refreshing to hear your child's traits described in a constructive way rather than so negatively. For example, what is seen in traditional school settings as "distractibility" is a manifestation of an active curiosity. Impulsivity, which is a major struggle for many kids (and adults) with ADHD, is reframed as creativity. And hyperactivity or restlessness is defined as a level of energy of which I'm jealous. I appreciate the solid emphasis on loving your child and creating a good relationship with them as the foundation for any successful treatment.

I love Dr. Hallowell's metaphor comparing an ADHD brain to a Ferrari race car with bicycle brakes. That beautifully captures the situation.

Drs. Hallowell and Jensen also trace the change from "moral-based" ("You could control your ADHD if you really wanted to, you just have to try harder!") to "deficit-based" thinking (which is an improvement, but still unintentionally can communicate "There's something wrong with your brain and, therefore, you!") and encourage a further step to a "strength-based" concept for dealing with ADHD. In other words by focusing on the individual's strengths and gearing their education and life's structure around those instead of their inherent weaknesses, the child can develop a healthy attitude about his/her ADHD as well as learn the skills to compensate and thrive.

I do like the Cycle of Excellence model. Starting with a solid foundation of love and acceptance, it moves through five steps: connect, play, practice, mastery, recognition. This process builds self-esteem and allows the child to "unwrap his/her gifts"

One thing that didn't sit very well with me was the emphasis they put on the Kolbe Assessment. It sounds like it can be a valuable tool to help identify your child's specific strengths in order to outline a specific treatment plan, but you have to complete it on the Kolbe website at a cost of $9.95 for a youth assessment (ages 10-17) and $49.95 for an adult assessment, which isn't mentioned in the book...

For more book reviews, come visit my blog, Build Enough Bookshelves.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow...I learned so much from this book! I would recommend it for ANY parent, whether you have an ADD child or not. Some parts may not apply and you can skim through them, but this has made me a better mother for all my kids...not just the ADD kid. AND: It it has made me PROUD to be a mother of a child with ADD, improved my relationship with her and brought her grades up!

[Jen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Finished it. Finally. This book is cheerleading. It talks a lot about “unwrapping the gifts” that come with ADHD and very little about actual interventions or strategies to assist the parent or child with ADHD. It talks a lot (A LOT) about how ADHD kids (and parents) are good and smart kids with things to contribute to society if only they can discover those things and develop them. How do the kids discover and develop them? Love. So, cool. That should be easy, then.
Yeah, after a whole lot of that, the book begins to give the impression that if we as parents are having trouble with our ADHD kids, we just must not love them enough. As a parent who loves and advocates for my child, I want to know how to better help him and advocate for him. This “just love and support him” book began to feel insulting.
There are resources buried in all the happy feelings. Unfortunately, many are hugely expensive schools, therapists, summer camps, and programs... they felt like commercials.
There WERE good ideas folded in here. Yes, we should remember our children’s gifts come hand-in-hand with ADHD, and some people still need to be reminded of that. I could have managed with a chapter of that, instead of a whole book, though. Maybe even a pamphlet.
The best resources in this book we’re the other books and resources found in the appendix, and the idea of having a race car brain and bicycle brakes. Other than that, I’m annoyed that I spent so much time on the book.

[Rachael Howell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I LOVED this book from page 1. The intro was so unlike any other books I've read about kids with special needs. It's optimistic and hopeful, love-based, strength-based and I really appreciated that different approach. I don't know that Carver fits all the characteristics of ADD, but there was enough overlap with his set of issues to be helpful. It sometimes felt like other parenting books: too much talk about WHY this works without as many specific directions about HOW to make it work at your house. I'm not sure I learned the tools to apply his ideas, even though I'd like to be able to give them a try. There was also a tiny bit of "us (parents) vs. them (teachers)" and I don't think that's entirely fair. It's impossible to lump all teachers into the same personality and educational style. Those were my only complaints. Overall, I couldn't wait to pick it up again and would consider owning it so I can mark passages and turn down pages for future reference. I'd recommend it to anyone with a family member with ADD or pretty much any disability with distraction issues.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just love Edward Hallowell. Driven to Distraction and Delivered from Distraction are also great books by him. What I loved best about this book was that parents should trust their instincts about their own kids, and parent from their children's strengths, rather than focus on their "deficits." Hallowell has a lot of great alternative ways to look at ADD--"supercharged brain" rather than a "problem with your brain." On p. 81 he has a very cool chart of negative trait associated with ADD, and accompanying positive mirror trait (for instance, distractible--curious; stubborn--persistent; disorganized--spontaneous). Hallowell's book CrazyBusy is also a good read, and I know he wrote a book about happiness that I really enjoyed several years back. He's one of those authors whose writing "voice" makes you want to be able to go out for coffee with them. He seems like he would be a super-encouraging, positive friend.

[Dahlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

My second grade son was just diagnosed with ADHD. He's been having trouble in school with learning disabilities since kindergarten, but with further testing we've come to the conclusion that he also has ADD. Most parents look at it as a death sentence when they hear that news, but our doctor had a different approach. He told us we needed to read this book to understand that kids with ADD have supercharged brains like a Ferrari, but have bicycle brakes when it comes to keeping focused. This book has great ideas and resources that will help us use his strengths to help him succeed in life. I'd recommend this book to anyone who has a kid having a hard time in school even if their grades are really good, but they struggle behaviorally. It has certainly helped me look at children at school in a different way.

[Lisa Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. Edward Hallowell-a pediatric psychiatric clinician who not only works with children who has ADD, but has two children with ADD and has it himself, teaches about the best ways to help your ADD child unlock their gifts and discover their strengths. The strength based approach he puts forth, is centered on love, and it helps guide you and help you discover how to shift the paradigm of thinking that being ADD is a disability, into discovering the amazing blessing that come with it, as well as learning how to cope with the struggles that come with it. It includes ideas of how to get teachers involved, and gives fabulous ideas for ways to help build your child's confidence.

I loved this book, and it made me not only feel better about what I am already doing for my three ADHD children, but it gave me wonderful ideas for not only how to help them, but how to talk to them about it all.

[Al Price · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lovely easy read that can help you reset your brain when the frustration of parenting/teaching kids with ADHD takes over the joy. A mix of practical advice and encouragement.

[Kaila Hines · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a favorite of mine in the AD/HD realm. Rather than point out all the issues we face in day to day lives and give you strategies & a checklist to change your child, this book helps to retrain your brain and embrace the positive side of each trait in your kiddo. It brought a lot of personal awareness in how things we try just don't line up with ADD personality types and I think the book itself is an excellent resource to have.
Highly recommend!

[Sarah Kerner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fantastic! So many great resources and so hopeful. I love the strengths based approach rather than treating add like a problem be fixed.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Recommends focusing on your child's strengths. A few suggestions are made, but it's a lot of pep talk.

[Laura Buechler · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Telling a child with ADHD to try harder is about as helpful as telling someone who is nearsighted to squint harder."

Just one of the many quotes that rang true for me in this book! Dr. Hallowell is not just a doctor ... he also has ADD, as do two of his four children. So he knows what he's talking about, and he talks about it in a really accessible, positive, comforting way. This wasn't the practical-strategies guide I was looking for (please, can someone write the book where they just tell me what to say to my kid so she stops melting down over the same stupid shit every day?), but it was really valuable in another way: it gave me a comprehensive way to look at and understand ADHD, which is pretty damn important since the other two members of my household are ADHD. Which would make me "the only normal one", if I were actually normal in any sense of the word. Anyway ...

Another concept I liked is that the ADHD brain only understands two times: "now" and "not now". Whatever it is that's not happening right now, isn't really real. It's filed under "not now". This explains SO DAMN MANY THINGS for both my husband and my kid. For one thing, we can spend the whole entire day doing incredibly kid-centered stuff: go to a playground, go to a friend's birthday party, go to McDonald's and play at the playroom, basically just spoil the crap out of that kid, and then the minute we get home from our jam-packed day of fun and ask her to, say, put her shoes away? Full-on meltdown about how mean we are and how we never do anything nice for her and how we are the worst parents ever. Now I get why. Because all those nice things we just did, sacrificing our WHOLE FREAKING DAY to do them, are no longer "now". What's "now" is our incredibly rude request that she act like a civilized human and put her shoes away. So, this book doesn't really help me SOLVE that problem, but at least I GET IT now?

The book is primarily about how to take a "strengths-based" approach to ADHD, focusing on the child's abilities and gifts rather than deficits. While this sounds overly simplified and optimistic, rest assured that Hallowell does not recommend ignoring deficits - rather, he believes that every child has the abilities she needs to solve problems, but that she may use different strategies from those around her. This is a hard mindset to keep when we are mired in a school system that dictates One Right Way to do things. I think I might need to re-read this book once every school year or so, which should be easy as it's a fairly quick read.

Lots to appreciate here - I would recommend it to anyone with ADHD in their lives.

[Grace · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can't take another ADD rah-rah pep talk. The problem in my household is not that the ADDers are a put-upon, misunderstood minority. It's the non-ADDer that is put-upon to do all the shit work that is not fun enough for the ADDers to do for themselves--even with all the checklists and systems in the world.

ADD is a valid brain difference, but there is no excuse for laziness and passive-aggressiveness.

[Jessica Nix · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally finished! The amount of time it took me to get through this book is in no way an indicator of how I felt about it. In fact, I am planning on re-reading it quite soon. I felt hope and encouragement as I read. I feel like I have some great practical ideas to implement in my home. I feel like I have a greater respect for
My child and his experience in life and his unique strengths. This was my first read about ADHD and I loved it.

[Arwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are a lot of things this book is not, but for what it is, it is wonderful. I cried through the first two chapters, laughed through the third, and was bolstered by the whole. Absolutely recommend for anyone who has a child, or may have a child, or has a friend who has a child with "a race car brain with insufficient brakes," as Hallowell describes ADD. I am so impressed by and grateful for this man and the work he is doing.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

The only reason I didn’t give five stars is because I haven’t had a chance to sit down and implement the strategies explained in the book. I will revisit my review when I have had a chance to do so.

The concepts presented make total sense to me. I like the way the book is written and laid out. The authors seem genuine and honest. I like how they give personal examples from their own families. The book was easy to read and I found several parts that I will have my 12 year old read that I think will really help him feel better about himself. The book provides a very positive and hopeful outlook. There are also lists of additional resources at the end of the book that I am eager to explore.

Overall, a great relief for me as a parent struggling with a child who is struggling with ADD.

[Vanessa Ricci-Thode · Rating 3 out of 5]

Most of this book boils down to "love your kid and be supportive" and I kind of feel like if you're not a loving, supportive parent, you're not going to pick up a book like this in the first place. I would have liked if the book had spent more time digging into the how-to's than being an overview. Strength based assessment sounds amazing and I would have preferred if the book had spent less time telling me why I should love my kid (seriously, this is a major part of this book) and more time telling me HOW to find those strengths and use them. I know structure is important, TELL ME HOW TO SET IT UP. This book, like all the rest by Hallowell, is focused on hyperactivity, which doesn't help my inattentive family. So once again I'm left with more questions than answers.

[Jamie · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were a few good tips and the first chapter is very hope filled. Love and support your ADD kiddos. Treat ADD as a gift and find your kid’s strengths. There is very little if any tangible techniques or strategies in here. What is in there is not in depth or something you probably don’t already know. The main novel technique, the Kolbe Model, has a website in the book. It is currently a test you must pay for. When the book was published it may have been free but currently this does not seem to be the case. Overall this book was not extremely helpful if you need real world applicable advice and techniques. If you need more of a ADD is not the worst diagnosis in the world cheer up then good read.

[Hope · Rating 2 out of 5]

There was some helpful framing around deficiencies vs talents, but this book meanders and digresses without a lot of concrete solutions. It sorely needed an editor. I get that it is trying to change caregivers way of thinking, but it still needed something useable beyond “make sure you’re your child’s cheerleader!!”

There were also some really outdated (and unnecessary) comments about gender roles (moms love kids who will clean their room!). And I don’t know why he thinks that almost all teachers are rigid and unhelpful.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned a lot from this book about how being positive is the best example you can set for a child that is struggling. I learned a lot about how to look at someone’s behaviors and take my reactions out of consideration when evaluating the best next steps and focusing better on their immediate needs. I felt like this helped me to better see my son and his perspectives with what is happening to him. A lot to think through but appreciated the positivity in the messaging even if some things seemed like sales pitches.

[Cristi Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has changed my life! I recommend it for any parent needing a boost and ideas while raising their kids!

I found this book 10 years ago when I was struggling with my 2 year old that I was pretty sure had ADHD. I have since had 3 of my 4 kids diagnosed with it.

I re-read or skim through this book whenever I get “stuck” on how to handle hard situations with my kids. It’s positive and loving approach to a hard situation keeps me hopeful and always looking for new ideas to help my kids!

[Kate Copeseeley · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you find yourself with a high energy, high enthusiasm child and are wondering how to help, encourage, and prepare them for a world with no chill. THIS IS THE BOOK FOR YOU!
I love everything about how accepting and positive this book is. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR CHILD. They just need some tools to help them navigate the world. And they need a lot of patience and understanding. I swallowed this book in one gulp. It's not very long. But man, it packs quite the wallop. Great read.

[Suzy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not usually a fan of parenting books and grudgingly read this on the advice of the pediatrician. Much of the "advice" presented was common sense, much didn't apply to Ben (at least not yet) and there was a lot of repeating itself at that. I may have found this more palatable as a concise magazine article. As a full-length book, it was tedious. That said, it doesn't hurt to be reminded of best practices for approaches to some of Ben's processing differences.

[Jeff Birk · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brittany and I read this book together. He gave us some very good ideas in relation to handling Sydney and her somewhat mild ADD. One of the things I liked is how he described an ADD child's brain is simply a race car and we need to learn how to apply the brakes. This condition is not a negative. You need to position it as a positive. He gives a really cool list of negative traits and how to term them and couch them in positive language.

[SaraAnn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was very informative for parenting a child with ADD/ADHD. I love how it puts a positive spin on how ADD works, instead of describing it as a disorder. So far, it's helped us out quite a bit! We are more patient and understand when our LO says "my brain won't shut off" or "my brain made me do it". I highly recommend this book for parents of kids with ADD/ADHD!

[Monica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book and learned a ton about ADD. In the process of having my son diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and this book helped answer a ton of questions I had and so many "AHA" moments popped into my head while reading it. It was my first real read on the subject and I feel like it was a great starter book for parents navigating ADD/ADHD with their kids.

[Natalina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this a lot more than I actually did. It’s super positive and I appreciate learning how to change my view on certain difficult behaviors and personality traits but I didn’t really learn much about how to actually navigate the world. It was more “just love them and it will all be ok” but not HOW to make it ok.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was written to help parents see their ADD children in a positive light. While never shying away from the realities of ADD, Hallowell and Jensen trumpet the ways we can be cheerleaders of our neurodiverse children while helping them navigate the often difficult waters of not fitting into the standard sized box. I appreciated the section on how to work with teachers and schools as well.

[Meghan Davis strader · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was big on encouragement but did not offer much in the way of practical advice. If you are struggling with appreciating your child’s gifts, this might be a good read. But if you are wanting a system to implement you will be disappointed.

[Laura Dempsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Almost 5 stars. Really enjoyed the first half and found it to be a refreshing perspective. This is not a book that will offer specific parenting strategies, etc., but it is a great read for those that wish to have more empathy for what children with ADHD, and their parents, are navigating.