Southern Discomfort: A Memoir

by Tena Clark

For readers of beloved memoirs like Educated and The Glass Castle , a riveting and profoundly moving memoir set in rural Mississippi during the Civil Rights era about a white girl coming of age in a repressive society and the woman who gave her the strength to forge her own path—the black nanny who cared for her.

Tena Clark was born in 1953 in a tiny Mississippi town close to the Alabama border, where the legacy of slavery and racial injustice still permeated every aspect of life. On the outside, Tena’s childhood looked like a fairytale. Her father was one of the richest men in the state; her mother was a regal beauty. The family lived on a sprawling farm and had the only swimming pool in town; Tena was given her first car—a royal blue Camaro—at twelve.

But behind closed doors, Tena’s life was deeply lonely, and chaotic. By the time she was three, her parents’ marriage had dissolved into a swamp of alcohol, rampant infidelity, and guns. Adding to the turmoil, Tena understood from a very young age that she was different from her three older sisters, all of whom had been beauty queens and majorettes. Tena knew she didn’t want to be a majorette—she wanted to marry one.

On Tena’s tenth birthday, her mother, emboldened by alcoholism and enraged by her husband’s incessant cheating, walked out for good, instantly becoming an outcast in society. Tena was left in the care of her black nanny, Virgie, who became Tena’s surrogate mother and confidante—even though she was raising nine of her own children and was not allowed to eat from the family’s plates or use their bathroom. It was Virgie’s acceptance and unconditional love that gave Tena the courage to stand up to her domineering father, the faith to believe in her mother’s love, and the strength to be her true self.

Combining the spirit of poignant coming-of-age memoirs such as The Glass Castle and vivid, evocative Southern fiction like Fried Green Tomatoes, Southern Discomfort is about the people and places that shape who we are—and is destined to become a new classic.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir, Southern, LGBT, Adult

304 pages, Hardcover

First published October 2, 2018

About the author

From the Author's website:

What musical touchstone does President Barack Obama share with Aretha Franklin, dubbed the greatest singer of the rock era by Rolling Stone Magazine? The answer is the expertise of Tena Clark. A musical compass has guided Clark from humble beginnings as a drummer and engineer in rural Mississippi, to being discovered by Stevie Wonder and mentored in Hollywood. She has written and produced for some of the greatest legends such as Aretha Franklin, won a Grammy for her work with Natalie Cole, nominated for a Grammy with Patti LaBelle and also worked with artists such as Leann Rimes, Dionne Warwick, Chaka Khan and Maya Angelou. She has been commissioned to write theme songs for NASA and Hilary Clinton.

Clark has written award winning songs, contributed to multi-platinum movie soundtracks including Hope Floats, The Five Heart Beats, Where the Heart Is, and My Best Friend’s Wedding, and television shows such as Desperate Housewives. Clark is the CEO/Chief Creative Officer for DMI Music & Media Solutions. Clark’s work spans film, television, stage,records and brands.

Clark is also a civil rights activist and crusader for women’s rights. The founder of VDay.org, Eve Ensler, asked Clark to write and produce their theme song, "Break the Chain," for the organization One Billion Rising—a movement to end violence against women and girls. "Break the Chain" has become the most globally performed song in history. Clark is one of the most influential female producers in the music industry and American media. Clark's first book is a memoir titled "Southern Discomfort" to be published by Touchstone an imprint of Simon & Schuster in October 2018.

Reviews

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

"My roots ran deep into the red earth; the land felt as much a part of me as my limbs, my heart. I hated it with a fury. I loved it with an all-consuming passion. This is the great paradox of the South. It's a Savage place, a complicated place, and yet it still burrows into you, like the fangs of one of the water moccasins I used to hunt as a young girl down the Chickasawhay River behind our farm. There's a venom in the soil. But there's an alluring beauty to it as well"

Teny grew up in Waynesboro, Mississippi, deep in the Jim Crow south. Her parents married when her mom was only fifteen, her dad from a very poor background. Yet, he became the richest man in the county, built a big house for his wife and four daughters. Their marriage beyond dysfunctional by the time of Tenys birth, she the youngest by ten years. Her mother sucuumbing more and more to alcohol to drown her unhappiness with her husband and his constant adulteries. Screaming, yelling their fighting the background to her days. Their black housekeeper Virgie providing the only consistency and unconditional love in which she could depend.

Sixties and race relations were changing, but no where more slowly than in Mississippi. The ku Klux Klan were still active and a threat to those blacks and whites that didn't toe the line. Times that for the longest time Tent couldn't understand. The dysfunction in her family, ever present, led her to forge her own path. Surprisingly there was also occassins of love, times when her parents surprised her with their understanding. She was also gay, something she could not acknowledge nor tell her parents until her college years. Her parents, their relationship with her were complicated, and at the end the people they were surprised her the most.

A fascinating look at Southern mores, a changing racial world, and a family that despite their lack of money problems, had more than its fair share of unhappiness.

[Tammy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clark grew up in the Jim Crow South with an alcoholic, largely absent mother and a cheating, pride-driven, successful father who is as mean as a snake. Add to this volatile mix, a daughter who does not fit the mold of Southern Belle and you might imagine what ignites. She loves ferociously and is guided through her childhood by a magnanimous and loving black housekeeper who provides stability for the frequently abandoned child. Clark tries, she really does, to be the person her family wishes her to be but it simply isn’t who she is. Her keen sense of social injustice compels her to behave in ways that are potentially dangerous, specifically for those whom she feels have been mistreated. I don’t read many memoirs but this is filled with heart wrenching scenes that I won’t soon forget. I was moved. I was moved to tears.

[Erika Babineau · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a complicated book.
I feel like the description is totally misleading. It should say: This is a story about a girl growing up in a dysfunctional family in a small, Southern town in the midst of the Jim Crow era. Full stop.
I had far more trouble with this book, as a Black woman, than I did with The Help. Yes, this book is a memoir, but Ms. Clark doesn't seem to do any self-reflection. Does she ever truly understand the danger she put Cindy in during the incident with the KKK? Does she every truly realize the humiliation she heaped on Vergie during BOTH incidents in the diner? Ms. Clark takes for granted that these two women continue to love and respect her even after both of these incidents that put thier very lives in danger and though I believe she loves them back, I think she would be bewildered if she were asked to be held accountable for her actions. Those women could have be killed. Their children could have been killed. These were real dangers.

Ms. Clark's life was obviously not idyllic. I don't begrudge her the love of her housekeeper...honestly that child deserved any bit of love she could get. I just don't think this book deserves to be praised as some kind of eye-opening, raw look at the Jim Crow South. We all know what that looked like. Tena Clark isn't telling us anything we didn't already know. I just wish she would have really examined her own motivations a little more...maybe been a little more honest with herself and us about why she felt she needed to expose people she loved to harm. Or, in the end, why she kept trying to offer to buy Vergie things. Retelling the facts is only half of the story.

[Janine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting memoir about a girl who was the youngest in a family of four girls who grew up down south and expected to be "southern belles". But what happens when your mother is an alcoholic and your father is a philandering man, and you feel that you don't fit into their perfect southern world.

Tena Clark grew up in a typical southern household in USA with an african american surrogate nanny who virtually brought her up as her mother couldn't cope and sought solace in a bottle. You felt like you were having a history lesson while reading this book which was nice. Tena showed her life, the racial prejudice, family expectations of her and what she put up with was amazing. Then to realise that she didn't fit the mould (she was gay) and how that alone affected all around her was quite incredible.

It chronicled the treatment of african americans who were still treated unjustly long after other states had declared that all should be treated equal. Tena was quite a revolutionary and tried to fix things at times risking both her life and those of her african american friends.

She came through it all and went on to become a grammy award winning songwriter working with some of the biggest stars. A fascinating glimpse of her life - and hard to believe the way it was back then. I really enjoyed this book. Thank you to Simon & Schuster for the review copy in exchange for my opinion.

[Hannah Daiell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I got it for free from the leader of my local book club chapter, and I finished it in just 2 days! I was so deeply moved by her story. She endured so many hardships but she always kept her sense of humor and her kind spirit. I was so enthralled by the book. At certain parts, such as when she would grab the gun from her fighting parents, or when her dad accidentally crashed the car over the side of a bridge, I forgot this was actually a true story! This story was at times sad, at times funny, and at times scary and disturbing. It was a true slice of life. For full disclosure, I could definitely relate to her family background, although my upbringing did not involve guns. Also, while I grew up in NY, I went to college in Florida and I feel she captured the feelings I share of being somewhat in love with, and somewhat horrified by, the South. I will recommend this book to everyone I know!

[Mainlinebooker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Take one rural Mississippi town. Mix with a bigoted, wealthy, gun-toting, skirt-chasing, controlling father. Add in a stubborn, alcoholic, drug addicted mother. Blend with a warm effusive black housekeeper who is like a "second mamma". Fold in a gay lonely child with her three older beauty pageant sisters and you get Southern Discomfort. This compelling and engrossing novel kept me captivated for hours. The author, a Grammy award winning songwriter and producer, has created a novel full of warts and ugliness while managing to shine a light on a different way of showing love and forgiveness. Indeed her ability to find peace and compassion is truly magnanimous. This is a southern novel at its best; do not miss it.

[Megan Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

At turns heartwarming, horrifying, comic, and eye-opening, this memoir, like the Southern family it chronicles, defies easy definition. Whether it’s her mother’s high-speed car shoot-out of her father and his mistress, the powerful mothering the family’s black maid Vergie shows her, or Tena’s coming out to this wild cast of characters, Tena Clark’s memoir of growing up in Jim Crow Mississippi touches on issues of racism, sexuality, family, and the hair-pulling complexities of the South.

[Mary K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I SO loved this book. Great story, written rather simply which is part of what made it so powerful. The ending was a complete shocker

[Betsy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this far more than I did, but I found the writing to be grating. While the damage Clark suffered at the hands of a violent and manipulative father, and a negligent alcoholic mother is surely substantial, I found her to be infuriatingly clueless about the depth of the danger she placed her beloved Virgie and Cindy in, in the name of her fantasy of being a crusading hero. Though in some cases she was a minor, she was old enough to know that it was not all about her.
Sometimes she reminded me too little of Jeannette Walls and too much of Pat Conroy at his most self-congratulatory.

[David Crow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having just finished my memoir, The Pale-Faced Lie, which will be out in May, I know first hand how hard it is to be completely honest when writing a memoir full of pain. Tena Clark has done that and more. She tells of her complicated family, aren't they all, of bigotry, alcoholism, coming to grips with sexual identity and the difficulty of facing it. This book, for all its sorrows, is uplifting with a powerful message about the equality of all people and the hope that one day it may happen. And the writing is elegant and fun to read. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Kathy (Bermudaonion) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grammy award winning songwriter Tena Clark grew up in Waynesboro, Mississippi in the 1950s and 1960s. Her family couldn’t have been more dysfunctional but somehow, she persevered and thrived when she left home. Her story is fascinating and heart breaking and reflects the values of the period so also gives a glimpse of recent social history. Even though I found her memoir to be well written, it didn’t “grab” me until I was about halfway through.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

I jumped into this book because I am from Mississippi and was interested to see how an LGBT person was affected by growing up in this state in the 1950s - decades before I grew up there - because being LGBT is still a harrowing experience for people in the South. However, this memoir is not really about Tena grappling with her sexuality. Rather, the memoir focuses on Tena’s abusive family and the Civil Rights Movement (as it affected her).

Tena has been through trauma at the hands of her sex-addicted father and alcholic mother. But she doesn’t seem to recognize her relationship with her parents as toxic. There are hints at the end (her mother dying making Tena feel like she is finally free), but her love for her parents and her desire to see the good in them complicates her ability to see them clearly. It feels unfair to compare Tena’s story to another memoir, but I read Educated earlier this year, and I was struck by the stark contrast between how these women chose to manage their relationships with their toxic families. Tara (Educated) chose to end that relationship. Tena (Southern Discomfort) chose to endure. I’m not necessarily saying Tena’s choice is the wrong choice; both are about survival. But the way Tena portrays her relationships with her parents, especially with her father toward the end and her desire for approval from him, was incredibly painful to read and left me hurting for her. And kept me thinking that it just didn’t seem worth it.

But it was just as painful to read Tena’s perspective on the Civil Rights Movement and her botched attempts to ��help” the black people around her. My biggest issue with this is that in her attempts, she put black lives in danger but did not do a lot to acknowledge or apologize for her actions. Granted, this memoir isn’t very introspective and focuses more on events than unpacking emotions - but the way she talked about these instances left me shocked that she didn’t contextualize them. Tena’s pride and desire to help/save the black people around her was youthful naivité and stupidity, but her reflections on those instances lacked an acknowledgment and sincere apology. She doesn’t confront her white saviorism. The closest she comes to seeming properly ashamed is when she admits that she has no idea where her black maid/caregiver, Virgie, went to the bathroom. Because the Civil Rights Movement and the treatment of black people in MS are such a large focus of Tena’s story and obviously impacted her, I feel that she should have spent more time unpacking her actions, the intention behind them, and her perspective on them now.

Now, the main reason I was interested in this book - what was life like for a young LGBT person growing up in MS in the 1950s? From Tena’s perspective - surprisingly good. And that’s where I became disappointed. Not because she didn’t suffer - I am so happy that she didn’t. But because this isn’t the reality for LGBT people today. When she talked about bringing her partner home to MISSISSIPPI to meet her FAMILY, my jaw dropped. That’s not something LGBT people feel comfortable doing TODAY. And she did it in the 1980s?! Although her being LGBT in the South wasn’t (or doesn’t seem to be) a traumatizing experience for her, it was difficult to read her breeze over her experiences without acknowledging suffering that usually accompanies people in her community.

Throughout the book, a theme runs clear: Tena’s life was privileged in a lot of ways. Her family was horrible, but she benefited from their wealth and status and was protected from a lot of things (and thankfully the black people whose lives she put in danger were, too). Ultimately, this is Tena’s story, and she experienced a traumatic and unstable childhood that I can’t help but be impressed she survived and even found success and happiness. I’m so glad she did. I got sucked into Tena’s journey, and I couldn’t put the book down until I finished. It takes great bravery to share what she did, but I can’t help but feel disappointed that she didn’t dig deeper and acknowledge the privilege that allowed her to come out unscathed.

[Zee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm utterly floored.

The back of the ARC - I haven't seen the finished book, so I don't know if it's the same - says this is like The Help but with more guns and alcohol, yet is even more touching. There's no better way to summarize this memoir. The prose is absolutely magnificent. I was completely sucked in to the story. Every scene is perfectly vivid and expertly depicted. I Don't usually cry when reading books, let alone memoirs, but this had me weeping. Highly, highly recommend.

[The Geeky Bibliophile · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tena Clark grew up in rural Mississippi during the Civil Rights era, living in a small town that had deep racial divides and no interest in changing things because "that's just the way it is." As one of the daughters of the wealthiest man in town, she was expected to live her life a certain way, but she rebelled against it, determined to live her life the way she chose, no matter what.

Southern Discomfort takes the reader back a time when men were the breadwinners while women were meant to stay home and raise babies, a time when the Jim Crow laws enforced segregation and the KKK terrorized people of color. Clark tells it like it was, whether she's writing about racial issues of the time or about her dysfunctional family.

Her deep love for Virgie—the black nanny who raised her after her mother left in a drunken rage—made her painfully aware of the racial injustices that permeated her hometown. Not content to let it go, she fought against it when the opportunity to do so presented itself, despite the very real possibility of putting herself and those she cared for in danger.

The memories she shares are raw, often uncomfortable, and sometimes powerful as recounts the events of her life. Clark sugarcoats nothing, instead leaving readers with the full impact of all things ugly, heartbreaking, and sorrowful. There is also joy, however, as she learns to embrace her sexuality and live the life she wanted as an award-winning songwriter and producer, rather than the life her parents expected her to have.

If you enjoy reading Southern memoirs, I definitely recommend this one. It put me through the wringer, emotionally, but overall it was a very enjoyable book.

I received an advance reading copy of this book courtesy of Touchstone via Netgalley.

[Kinzie Mackey]

I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir! Being from Mississippi myself, I definitely resonated with a lot of the same issues as Tena did growing up. Alcoholism runs in both sides of my family, and even though I've never personally dealt with most of the things she did firsthand, I have heard war stories from my father's youth and such. I have, however, experienced some of the things firsthand. For instance, being a tomboy, and always feeling completely out of place. That also comes along with me being an old soul, which I feel like she is as well. Unfortunately, I have also experienced hearing blatant racial slurs and remarks while feeling completely eaten up with rage at the thought that speaking up would not make that much of a difference. Believe me, I've tried. Her willingness to fight for social justice at such a young age was also something I resonated with deeply. I recommend this book so hard!!!! Please go read it! Also, I met her recently at a conference I attended and she was very sweet! When she won her award and made her speech, I was in tears the entire time. When I spoke with her afterwards, and thanked her for her beautiful book, she gave me a hug and said that she could feel my presence up on stage! That is a moment that I will always remember and be immensely proud of!

[Kathleen Brunnett · Rating 3 out of 5]

A memoir of an affluent white gal from Mississippi during the civil rights era. Her social activism (even from a young age) never sat well with her father let along when she shares she is gay. Interesting read of trying to stay true to yourself when society and family tell you different.

[David Ward · Rating 4 out of 5]

Southern Discomfort: A Memoir by Tena Clark (Touchstone 2018) (Biography).

This is hands-down the best written memoir I have read in a long time. My hat is off to you, Tena Clark, not only for writing such a touching and honest story, but also for sharing such a beautiful tale of survival and triumph.

Tena Clark was born and raised in the poorest county in the poorest state in the U.S. (Mississippi) in the 1950's and was one of four sisters who were trained from birth to be Southern Belles. She was raised in a virulently racist town in which the Ku Klux Klan was still publicly active in the 1960's and 1970's.

Her father was an uneducated man who became a self-made millionaire. He was also extremely demanding as well as an inveterate serial womanizer. Her mother was an uncontrolled alcoholic (two to three fifths of bourbon per day for years, the author reports) who was given to fits of rage. Fortunately for the author, she was loved unconditionally by a Black nanny / housekeeper who became a sympathetic surrogate mother for the child.

The author was a tomboy from birth who realized at a young age that she was gay. In the rural South. In Mississippi. In the Jim Crow era. Talk about being an outsider....goodness!

This is a story of survival, of persistence, and of acceptance.

I loved this story. My rating: 8/10, finished 9/4/19 (3384).

[Sarah McBee Conner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn’t sure about this book before I read it. This is about the same Deep South I grew up in, during the same time frame. Difference was I was not from a small town, wasn’t raised in a wealthy family or in privilege. But I remember a lot of the same prejudices and separation. Them and us. It was interesting to me to see the development of a liberal in all of that. She knew the injustices and recognized them for what they were at a very young age. Then she had to face the same discrimination from her family against herself. Her life has been wildly interesting an enlightening. This is a great book.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn't sure about this one at first. Seemed to drag at the start. I listened to the Audiobook and it was read with so much authenticity and flair that I was soon hooked. When Tena described her father's strange eccentricities while driving ( especially the part when he is turning the volume of the radio up and down) I was all in ! I am still laughing . Not sure if this would come across as hilariously if I was reading the written page. I even played that part of the book for a few friends and they laughed too! The ending made me so sad and happy at the same time. I feel this is going to be a book I reflect on often as I continue to walk through my life.

[Jeanne Boudreau · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s hard to rate a memoir because you are saying you like someone’s life or you didn’t. Well, this was one dysfunctional family! A skirt chasing dad, an alcoholic mom who went after her husband with a .38 when she was tired of his infidelities, which was more often than not,the southern racial divide all lead to a disastrous childhood. Somehow Tena survived, thrived, made a success of herself and forgave her parents. It’s an interesting read. Your family will probably seem quite normal compared to hers.

[Deirdre Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this memoir. It was a true (or as true as Clark's memory served her) version of The Help. While times were changing, they were changing very slowly in the south, especially rural Mississippi. What I liked the most was while the family was beyond dysfunctional, nobody was all good or all bad. Even Clark, despite her best intentions, put some in precarious and uncomfortable situations. Heartbreaking, but thoroughly enjoyable read.

[Chrissie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can’t remember why I picked up this book but so glad I did! Incredibly brave story... This was a really good read. I feel kooky saying “I enjoyed this book” because it was so incredibly sad in many parts and how do you enjoy someone else’s pain? but I really did enjoy this book! Interesting, descriptive but not “woe is me” at all. It definitely had “The Help” feel and I rarely ever look up authors after I read a book but I felt compelled to look up Tena Clark and learn more about her.

[Jennifer Ladd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Timely with all the unrest in the country. Unfortunate that not much seems changed. Hope she and her sisters sought help for the abuse. The story never reveals if they talked about it. Her focus really was on the love and maybe that was on purpose

[Blue Cypress Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this life story is definitely Ms. Clark's unique story, she brings all the best shades of Rick Bragg and Jeannette Walls to this most excellent memoir. Highly recommend.

[Gareth Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sharp, funny, and painfully honest memoir that was one of the last "hard to put down" books I picked up.

[Caroline Duffy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A few years ago a mutual friend encouraged me to meet up with Tena Clark as she was finishing this book. We exchanged emails but never met, unfortunately. What a story! If it wasn't all true one would think it was a Southern Gothic fantasy. The fact that Tena not only lived to tell the tale, but also has prospered by living her authentic life is really remarkable. This songwriter knows how to tell a riveting story that's an easy read. Phi Mu Love to Tena.

[Carrie Panetta · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book. Similarities to the Help.

[Jules · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really need to stop getting sucked in by the $6 books at various pop-up book shops - enticing blurbs never live up to their potential!

[Eileen Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful memoir of growing up in the Deep South in perhaps its most tumultuous period other than the Civil War. Tena Clark takes us into her home and life in a way that allows us to experience all the beauty and pathos that she grew up with. Highly recommended read!

[Rick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Both heart-lifting and heartbreaking, Tena Clark's memories of growing up in the deep south is a revelatory read. Clark's voice is comfortable and clear, like talking with an old friend. I loved this book!