My Husband, My Friend: A Memoir

by Neile Adams McQueen

MY HUSBAND, MY FRIENDTHE REAL STEVE McQUEEN - FROM ABANDONED CHILD TO GLITTERINGSUPERSTAR TO HAUNTED MAN....Now his wife of 15 and a half years, Neile, who rodethe dazzling Hollywood roller coaster with him, revealsA Steve McQueen no one knew – his good side,his crazy side, his dark side....

Genres: Biography, Nonfiction, Memoir, Film, Biography Memoir

362 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1986

Reviews

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this book by Neile McQueen Toffel. She shares their lives from when they met when she was the bigger star on Broadway, and he was just trying to get himself known. And goes on to when they moved to Hollywood where he began honing his craft and getting bigger roles, starting out with bit parts mostly. Steve McQueen eventually went on to become the biggest movie star of his era, before dying at age 50 in 1980. Sadly his marriage to Neile though long lasting, didn't survive all his infidelities and drug use. They eventually divorced and married other partners. Still quite a love story, its sad that after all Neile went through with Steve that it didn't last.

[Darla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't remember the last time a book made me cry so hard...

I don't even know why it struck such a chord with me, but it did. I've been a casual McQueen fan for several years, and have only recently become extremely interested in his life. This book got under my skin in such a good way. I respect Neile so much for sticking by him through thick and thin, if not always as his wife, then as his friend. I love the affectionate tone she uses throughout the entire memoir, and the stories she shares, some delightful and others heartbreaking.

What a complex, beautiful man he was, and what an incredible life they shared.

[Mike]

Interesting perspective given by McQueen's wife that lend's insight about the both of them - before, during, and after their marriage...personal, honest, graphic, and a pretty good read.

[Todd Partridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth reading for the loving and honest recollection; passable by its lacking goodness.

I first want to say that, the author and wife of Steve McQueen for a most of his adult life, writes a heart-felt story. She emotes all the details, is honest, and was close to him more than anyone else. This biography of Steve McQueen is heart-felt and I am glad this is the version I read. That said, the life that Steve McQueen lived could have used much more discretion. I would have liked to hear stories of a dedicated family-man, society-oriented man, spiritual-man, that embodied the media-ed mega-star; however, knowing now what I do the benefit I got from this book are these: 1) former-wife is beautiful and I feel deeply how she shared here life with me; 2) early career (up just through Bullitt) is interesting and fairly admirable; 3) life lived moderately... Worth reading to me with these in mind.

[Candice · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read the bio on McQueen and then wanted to get the inside story from his wife. I think she showed remarkable restraint, probably because that's her nature and because of her children. She was obviously a smart woman, but really put up with a load of crap from him, although I do understand how they bonded at an early age and how she was trying to protect the family structure. Still.

[rebecca hutchinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a ride indeed

love Neile ,never knew what an ass Steve was,but in the end I was crying good read everyone,,seems these movie stars and all their riches doesn't change a thing ,they go through the same as anybody else goes through,money isn't the answer like I believed

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned more about Neile McQueen than Steve McQueen, but the book was still interesting.

[David Phillips · Rating 3 out of 5]

The King of cool on screen, the King of misogynistic egomaniacs off screen. This is a tough read if, like me, you're a big McQueen fan.

[Aaron]

Fascinating book that throws you a curve-ball halfway through. Not that any of the writing is spectacular, but McQueen documents the acting times of the 50s and 60s perfectly while following her ne-er'-do-well fledgling husband's early career into mega-stardom. This includes her precise criticisms of Bad Steve versus Good Steve acting. His blossoming into the persona he became famous for, deservedly, leads to the man's dark side that Neile captures in shocking fashion. There's way too much name-dropping, but that was obviously for sales purposes. Princess Grace of Monaco's formal attire and the endless Hollywood party circuit details grow wearisome. But when McQueen sticks to the main story and the details of how a rough, unmannered yet supernaturally charismatic movie star came to be--this while trying to be a normal husband and father--the book is supremely entertaining. Personally tragic is the fact that Neile Adams McQueen, the woman, sacrificed her own impressive career to make way for the historic rise of Steve McQueen, the movie star.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think Neile told a wonderful and true story about her life with Steve McQueen. It was honest, happy, heartbreaking in places but very true to life with all the ups and downs of marriage, divorice, and the forgiving of others wives. After the first couple of years my husband's ex-wife and I got along fairly good and we all celebrated holidays together with her and her new husbands. People did not understand how we could be friends but it worked and the kids didn't have to deivide their time between families and I could see Neile was the same way. I commend her for that.

[Whitney · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tragic but beautiful depiction of a man and woman who are all too human. Anyone with a cursory familiarity with Steve McQueen is aware of how messed up his life was, but you've never heard it told with as much love. Neile doesn't come across as bitter or angry, but neither does she make excuses. Their lives were what they were and she chronicles rather than commentates (for the most part).

[Donie Nelson · Rating 3 out of 5]

An enjoyable read about an actor I knew very little about--a friend worked on the production of "An Enemy of the People", but I have no memory of what he told me about it! One reason for reading the book is that in the 1970s I dated an actor who resembled McQueen, but his quirks were very different!

[Patricia Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book

I love reading about Steve McQueen, his ex wife Neile did an excellent job, I'm not a writer, can't write reviews but it's an excellent book, now to pick out a couple more books about him

[Paulos Maximus · Rating 4 out of 5]

A couple of photos of Neile and Steve McQueen haunted me enough to read these memoirs; Neile always looking content, happy and in love while Steve looked distant and haunted. I wasn't prepared for how these frank and honest memoirs confirmed my suspicions. I was impressed at Neile's unconditional love and devotion, which was so brokenly returned by Steve. Neile stuck in there well and above the duties of a faithful wife, overlooking and forgiving the outrageous behaviour of her husband. This is not just an insight into a famous Hollywood marriage, but more a struggle of two people in love and fulfilling that love faithfully. I grew in admiration of how Neile did her best through some incredibly tough times, but I believe the core problem of the marriage is revealed right at the end (no spoliers) as Steve looks back on their marriage with new eyes. For me this book was my most unlikely pick in subject matter, but the drama of the circumstances and the settings make the material all the more engaging in spite of any writing techniques or abilities of an amateur author.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read, after reading another book more specifically related to his spiritual awakening! Filled in a lot of gaps for me.

[bev · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the book

This was an awesome read. The feelings that was pour into this book by Neile Adams McQueen can feel. True and heart felt. I would recommend this book.

[Russell R · Rating 5 out of 5]

good book!

[Rina DeLizza · Rating 5 out of 5]

An Amazing Life

This book was so intriguing and well written. I enjoyed every page and found it hard to put down until finished. The pictures were great too. What a wonderful strong and loving woman this was. What pain she endured. It was more like reading a novel than a memoir. I highly recommend this book.

[Peggy Brill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book he had so many more movies ahead of him .What a Great actor.

[Kpent · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a hard one to rate. It was an easy book to pick up and a hard one to lay down; yet it was a gut-wrenching book, sadder than any Thomas Hardy or F. Scott Fitzgerald story. The lives portrayed are none you envy. All that is tried is destructive and even the success itself is empty.

The language and the lives would be rated pretty strictly, if it was a movie. At the end Steve McQueen finds God's unconditional love that will not let him go, yet those who know him only choose to see a man haunted by his old demons. Even the changes don't seem like changes to them, which is one of the saddest things of all.

[Robby · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good read for everyone, but it's a great read for Steve McQueen fans. Why? Because their Steve McQueen fans. It's not a glamorous nor adventuresome read as McQueens'life,by most,was perceived to be. It's a story told by a friend (through thick or thin) maintaining a lasting (true)love to the end. Neile brings the humanistic rather than hollywood side of his story to the forefront of this endeavor wherein a strong degree of empathy is felt. This is an informative read full of tid-bits that only a life-long friend/soul-mate love could ever disclose. A good book for all - a heart felt story for fans.

[Ellyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

It needed an editor -- badly -- but she's not a writer. Her perspective was fascinating, and I believe her. Much as I have always loved him, he was a heel. A flawed and interesting man, given to polarizing behavior. I think it's why he was such an effective actor.

Anyway, Neile -- who outlived Steve, their daughter Terrie, and her second husband, Al -- is a tough cookie and survivor. Even if you aren't a Steve McQueen fan (which I completely am), it's a great Hollywood insider read, and a really interesting glimpse at sexism in the mid-century, and the cult of celebrity.

Highly recommended -- I couldn't put it down. Lots of great family photos, too.

[Mick Meyers · Rating 3 out of 5]

second time I've read this book,with a gap of a few years.why is it that when people become famous suddenly change.is it listening to the wrong people or too many sycophants.he was more of a personality than an actor,good though he was.made a few wrong turns regarding parts.would he have been happy being a character actor,doubt it. i feel sorry for neile,stayed with him through the tough times and then unceremoniously dumped.about his rebellion against society,the 60s gave him the excuse he needed to act this out.

[Ellie Revert · Rating 1 out of 5]

Why do I persist in reading about the private lives of actors??? I loved Steve McQueen in "Love with the Proper Stranger"---didn't see him in much else. McQueen had a history of violent behavior which eventually involved his wife. Glad his kids didn't physically suffer, but surely they did as they shared the same house with the battling parents. He certainly was a gifted and blessed but tortured soul. Glad his wife found a good man to marry later on.

[Beverly Saragusa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly Enjoyed!!!

Steve McQueen was my favorite star!! A great big crush!! I had the opportunity to see him in person while he filmed a scene in "The Cincinnati Kid" in New Orleans, my hometown. I thank Ms. Adams for a wonderful and informative look into her and Steve's life!!

[kabukigal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Steve McQueen was an incredibly talented actor and a very damaged individual. His ex-wife's book about their life together and apart is a very forgiving, but cautionary tale of McQueen's rise from childhood poverty and neglect to becoming one of the world's most famous movie stars.

[Fifa Rahman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Couldn't put it down. Read it right through on a flight from Hong Kong to KL. A poignant, honest & sad look into McQueen's life. Hard to rate because she doesn't write in the very best prose, but still, gripping and heartbreaking.

[Nikki DeJames · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mrs. McQueen.,Neile Adams exploits her relationship with Steve McQueen to heap accolades upon herself.

A damn shame Ms Adams felt she had to trash Steve's name as she touts her virtues throughout this book.

[Diane C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Neile Adams McQueen gives you the straight dope in this autobiographical account of her life with Steve McQueen. It's well written and also a pretty good snapshot of Hollywood in the 50's,60's and 70's. Highly recommend.

Interesting, and very honest, but not tackily so. She's a classy lady.

[Hodges · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoy reading these old Hollywood biographies and this one did not disappoint. Wow. Neile McQueen Toffel laid it all out. I went from admiration to dislike and back again for Steve McQueen. Of course the ending was very sad.