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Leader of the Pack: How a Single Dad of Five Led His Kids, His Business and Himself From Disaster to Success
Leader of the Pack is the story of a man who, like many men, had been going through his life apparently content and positively clueless, who found himself tethered to a tornado as his marriage descended into violence and madness. Surviving courts and cops and chaos and a crazy-challenging-business, he unexpectedly ended up the only parent of five small children--ranging in age from only 18 months to 8 years old—at a time when most men didn’t even know how to change a diaper. It is my story.
In it, I detail the transformation I underwent from sole breadwinner to sole parent, from a beaten abused shell of a man to the strong, confident and spiritual person I am today; a nationally recognized spokesman for single dads and entrepreneurs.
Though the facts of my story may be different than some, the feelings are the same for single father’s everywhere. We are frustrated. We’re no longer just the backup parent; the ringer sent in when Mom isn’t available — though that was all we had ever been trained for when it came to parenting. It’s not that we don’t love our children. We do, but that and $5 will get you a latte at Starbucks.
We are told by many voices (and silent looks) from counselors, teachers, social workers, judges and our mothers, sisters and ex-wives that we aren’t as capable of raising kids as a woman. We may even feel that assessment is true. We feel helpless and undermined and above all, alone in this.
But we are not alone.
A quarter of all American households are headed by men who find themselves or choose to be single dads. We need to own that position, be proud of it, figure out the best way to make it work and above all, add our voice to a swelling chorus of support for our brothers who find themselves in our same shoes.
We must learn to parent like a dad and that does not mean being only half of a team. In my life, and in the lives of millions of men today, we are the parent. Where there were two, now there is one and we must be enough.
Lives depend on it…our kid’s lives.
We could win our kids, raise them to be happy and healthy people and manage to have a big, fun, and exciting life while we were doing so. Life wasn’t over for us. In fact, it was just beginning and beyond the doors swinging open lay a road we never could have foreseen—one filled with adventure and laughter and even sex.
I surely never would have believed it. On the day my life changed forever, I looked wildly around any means of escape, but all I saw were their pale and frightened faces, staring up at me. Five little kids, the oldest was only eight and the youngest still a toddler—my kids—all mine now. Their mother had staged one last violent, terrifying episode and left us forever. Where there were once two-parents, there was now only one.
It felt like something had torn a large hole in my chest and ripped out my lungs. I couldn’t breathe. Then the breath rushed back in and I heard the most heartbreaking crying. It wasn’t until later that I realized the sound was coming from me.
In it, I detail the transformation I underwent from sole breadwinner to sole parent, from a beaten abused shell of a man to the strong, confident and spiritual person I am today; a nationally recognized spokesman for single dads and entrepreneurs.
Though the facts of my story may be different than some, the feelings are the same for single father’s everywhere. We are frustrated. We’re no longer just the backup parent; the ringer sent in when Mom isn’t available — though that was all we had ever been trained for when it came to parenting. It’s not that we don’t love our children. We do, but that and $5 will get you a latte at Starbucks.
We are told by many voices (and silent looks) from counselors, teachers, social workers, judges and our mothers, sisters and ex-wives that we aren’t as capable of raising kids as a woman. We may even feel that assessment is true. We feel helpless and undermined and above all, alone in this.
But we are not alone.
A quarter of all American households are headed by men who find themselves or choose to be single dads. We need to own that position, be proud of it, figure out the best way to make it work and above all, add our voice to a swelling chorus of support for our brothers who find themselves in our same shoes.
We must learn to parent like a dad and that does not mean being only half of a team. In my life, and in the lives of millions of men today, we are the parent. Where there were two, now there is one and we must be enough.
Lives depend on it…our kid’s lives.
We could win our kids, raise them to be happy and healthy people and manage to have a big, fun, and exciting life while we were doing so. Life wasn’t over for us. In fact, it was just beginning and beyond the doors swinging open lay a road we never could have foreseen—one filled with adventure and laughter and even sex.
I surely never would have believed it. On the day my life changed forever, I looked wildly around any means of escape, but all I saw were their pale and frightened faces, staring up at me. Five little kids, the oldest was only eight and the youngest still a toddler—my kids—all mine now. Their mother had staged one last violent, terrifying episode and left us forever. Where there were once two-parents, there was now only one.
It felt like something had torn a large hole in my chest and ripped out my lungs. I couldn’t breathe. Then the breath rushed back in and I heard the most heartbreaking crying. It wasn’t until later that I realized the sound was coming from me.
- GenresNonfiction
140 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 22, 2018
26 people are currently reading
315 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
May 22, 2020
This is a book I wouldn't normally pick up to read, but I have to say that I really did enjoy it. His story was intriguing and inspirational. Yet, he keeps it light and easy to read and even humorous in places though the story really is serious. I really did look forward to reading this each night as I went to bed and I finished it a lot quicker than I thought I would when I started.
Not a bad read at all.
Not a bad read at all.
April 6, 2018
OK, it’s been a while since I read a book that I just couldn’t put down ~ this is one of those books. I know Matt from High School ~ he was always such a kind & sincere guy. For one reason or another, we all have made some bad decisions in our lives. Some have minor consequences and some consume us for a lifetime. Matt fell in love when he was young and endured the high cost of loving someone with mental illness. But how much can one person endure until their hit their breaking point? This is an incredible story of one man who chose not to be a victim and took control of his life for the sake of his children. I truly appreciate his honesty ~ he is wide open with his feelings every step of the way.
In the end the higher lessens in life were learned… after all, we are all a “work in progress.” He has 5 beautiful children he loves dearly, and he realized that God had been providing for him along the way with people (angels in disguise) that walked alongside him who were strong when he was not able. It’s an incredible story of hope, determination and encouragement. And ultimately, God found him and did for him what he couldn’t do for himself. Awesome….
In the end the higher lessens in life were learned… after all, we are all a “work in progress.” He has 5 beautiful children he loves dearly, and he realized that God had been providing for him along the way with people (angels in disguise) that walked alongside him who were strong when he was not able. It’s an incredible story of hope, determination and encouragement. And ultimately, God found him and did for him what he couldn’t do for himself. Awesome….
February 23, 2018
Reviewed For Readers' Favorite by Grant Leishman
To all single parents out there (not just Dads) Leader of the Pack by Matt Sweetwood, should be required reading before you embark on your own journey of trying to raise children without a loving and caring spouse beside you. Matt, found himself in an abusive and destructive relationship when he married the beautiful and beguiling Charlotte. A man tortured by his own low self-esteem who manages to rationalise his own awful behaviour and neglect of his children’s needs by assuring himself that he is lucky to have gotten Charlotte to even look at him, let alone marry him (Phew! Haven’t we all been there!) It takes Matt, his family and his finances to reach the lowest nadir before he finally wakes up and takes action to deal with this abusive wife and mother. He learns a lot about himself during this long journey into the depths of “hell”, but does he learn enough to stop himself from making the same mistake all over again, the second time around?
Leader of the Pack is the most powerful personal memoir I’ve read in a very long time. Perhaps it was because the circumstances Matt describes hit so close to home for me, but nevertheless, one can but admire the author’s courage in bringing this, much too common problem, out into the light and exposing the insanity of his thought processes that led him down the road he travelled. I found the narrative of this harrowing tale so compelling I literally could not stop reading it. Readers will groan in disbelief at places and shout at the main character (Matt himself!) asking; “what were you thinking?” but all through it, the man’s simple desire to just be happy and to raise his five children the best way he can, comes shining through. Although this is specifically about Male solo dads and that is part of Matt’s advocacy, many of the circumstances faced by Matt are equally applicable to both sexes in a violent, abusive, co-dependent relationship. If I could give this book more than five stars, I surely would. Congratulations on such a frank and honest memoir, Matt Sweetwood.
To all single parents out there (not just Dads) Leader of the Pack by Matt Sweetwood, should be required reading before you embark on your own journey of trying to raise children without a loving and caring spouse beside you. Matt, found himself in an abusive and destructive relationship when he married the beautiful and beguiling Charlotte. A man tortured by his own low self-esteem who manages to rationalise his own awful behaviour and neglect of his children’s needs by assuring himself that he is lucky to have gotten Charlotte to even look at him, let alone marry him (Phew! Haven’t we all been there!) It takes Matt, his family and his finances to reach the lowest nadir before he finally wakes up and takes action to deal with this abusive wife and mother. He learns a lot about himself during this long journey into the depths of “hell”, but does he learn enough to stop himself from making the same mistake all over again, the second time around?
Leader of the Pack is the most powerful personal memoir I’ve read in a very long time. Perhaps it was because the circumstances Matt describes hit so close to home for me, but nevertheless, one can but admire the author’s courage in bringing this, much too common problem, out into the light and exposing the insanity of his thought processes that led him down the road he travelled. I found the narrative of this harrowing tale so compelling I literally could not stop reading it. Readers will groan in disbelief at places and shout at the main character (Matt himself!) asking; “what were you thinking?” but all through it, the man’s simple desire to just be happy and to raise his five children the best way he can, comes shining through. Although this is specifically about Male solo dads and that is part of Matt’s advocacy, many of the circumstances faced by Matt are equally applicable to both sexes in a violent, abusive, co-dependent relationship. If I could give this book more than five stars, I surely would. Congratulations on such a frank and honest memoir, Matt Sweetwood.
October 19, 2018
This is the story of a man who, after a whirlwind relationship and subsequent marriage, finds himself the single father of five children. He struggles to recover from the abusive behavior he faced from his ex-wife and provide his children with a stable home. He navigates relationships, single parenting, and learning to care for himself and have a positive outlook on life. His story and his outlook on life, despite the hardships it threw his way, is very positive and inspiring. He offers a lot of introspection and dives into the development of his spirituality, but in a way that doesn't come off as preachy or self-righteous, but sincere and heart-felt.
While his story is very touching and inspiring, the writing was very lacking to the point where it made it hard to feel for the author. Many points were repeated, the organization of the book was strange, and it didn't flow like I thought it should. While Sweetwood obviously faced a lot of challenges, some of the writing made it hard to empathize with him. When I first started reading I thought this was just the story of a sad man feeling sorry for himself. He was complaining about his ex-wife before the reader learned why, so he sounded a little bitter at parts. Of course he did a great job in raising his family, turning their lives around, and finding his faith, but the story didn't flow well and the writing could have used a good editor. For me, the poor writing and organization really impeded the story-telling and distracted me from what was a really great story.
TL;DR - Great story, but writing is lacking
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book through a Goodreads giveaway for the purpose of providing an honest review.1
While his story is very touching and inspiring, the writing was very lacking to the point where it made it hard to feel for the author. Many points were repeated, the organization of the book was strange, and it didn't flow like I thought it should. While Sweetwood obviously faced a lot of challenges, some of the writing made it hard to empathize with him. When I first started reading I thought this was just the story of a sad man feeling sorry for himself. He was complaining about his ex-wife before the reader learned why, so he sounded a little bitter at parts. Of course he did a great job in raising his family, turning their lives around, and finding his faith, but the story didn't flow well and the writing could have used a good editor. For me, the poor writing and organization really impeded the story-telling and distracted me from what was a really great story.
TL;DR - Great story, but writing is lacking
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book through a Goodreads giveaway for the purpose of providing an honest review.1
February 11, 2019
Prior to reading this book, I had connected with Matt Sweetwood on LinkedIn and had read several of his articles about his life as a single parent. So I was excited to see that he had written a memoir. I found the book gave me greater insight into the author and his life experiences. He has survived two bad marriages and come through a better person. He also must be a fantastic businessman, given the amount of alimony he had to pay. I would highly recommend this book to single parents, particularly men. Matt's story illustrates the persistence it takes to overcome a bad relationship and to move on.
March 26, 2018
From the moment I started this, I was completely absorbed and emotionally invested in Matt’s story, and the insight he shared based on his experiences speaks to me on multiple levels. It is a very compelling read for anyone seeking to learn valuable life lessons - Matt’s voice is honest and direct, and even if one’s personal experiences differ from his, there is still much wisdom to be gained by reading this. I’m glad he shared his story with the world, for we can all truly benefit from it.
October 28, 2018
I won this book on goodreads first reads. This book was simply amazing. Matt is like a Phoenix, he rose from the hell he was in, to becoming a fantastic father and a person who put his kids first. Even tho he made many stumbles in life, he still came out on top.
Everyone who is a single parent needs to read this book. Heck even if your not a single parent this is a must read.
Everyone who is a single parent needs to read this book. Heck even if your not a single parent this is a must read.
December 19, 2019
Brother, STOP being a pretender!
Read
May 21, 2020I was rather disappointed with this book. I thought this book would be about how Sweetwood pulled through his past relationship, reflected on it, and promised to never do it again, thus becoming a better person. Instead, I was reading through pages upon pages of poor decision-making and bad-mouthing exes.
This book is about how a Sweetwood married wife number one, who did nothing but belittle him and worsen his self esteem problem. They give birth to five children, during which wife number one's mental health steadily deteriorates. After winning custody (and losing an unnecessary amount of money in the process), he proceeded to wife number 2. Both cases were because the women were hot and gave him attention. He realises he has to break up after seeing his kids being abused and bullied by wife number 2 and her family. He finally kicks them out (and giving her almost a million dollars). After that, he finally realizes that he doesn't need a woman to complete the family, and takes much better care of himself and his family, and believes in Judaism.
Just to make things clear, I applaud Sweetwood's life story. His life was difficult and colourful, and he had made through his highs and lows. I also appreciate his honesty and openness. However, there was one thing that really rubbed me the wrong way.
The bad-mouthing and villainizing.
According to him, his wife number 1 "was a minx and I [Sweetwood] could not resist her". She was also "brusque","quick-tempered", "demanding", to name a few phrases Sweetwood described her as. Wife number 2 and her family endured the same bad-mouthing. Sweetwood completely villainised them in his retelling of their relationships. He dished the relationship off on them, while writing off himself and the kids as the poor innocent "victims of abuse". I couldn't stomach that.
First of all, his kids are innocent -- they had no say in the horrible relationships Sweetwood dove in, nor could they have refused to be born in this family. However, Sweetwood was not. He had the power to call off their relationship. He had the choice to stand up for himself and his children. He could have fought back.
Secondly, he had little compassion for his ex-wives. He mentions that wife number 1 has borderline personality disorder (BPD). A little background information: BPD is a mental health disorder with characteristic 'rollercoaster emotions'. People suffering from BPD often feel insecure, and their disorder is often due to genetics, the wiring of their brain, or a difficult childhood. It is difficult for them to control their thoughts and emotions. In the past, it was also difficult for doctors who tried to treat BPD. He mentions that wife number 2 was under strong pressure by her family to act the way she did. She was verbally and emotionally abused.
Both women were not just the villains. They were also the victims. So please, show a little compassion.
Rating: 2.3/5
This book is about how a Sweetwood married wife number one, who did nothing but belittle him and worsen his self esteem problem. They give birth to five children, during which wife number one's mental health steadily deteriorates. After winning custody (and losing an unnecessary amount of money in the process), he proceeded to wife number 2. Both cases were because the women were hot and gave him attention. He realises he has to break up after seeing his kids being abused and bullied by wife number 2 and her family. He finally kicks them out (and giving her almost a million dollars). After that, he finally realizes that he doesn't need a woman to complete the family, and takes much better care of himself and his family, and believes in Judaism.
Just to make things clear, I applaud Sweetwood's life story. His life was difficult and colourful, and he had made through his highs and lows. I also appreciate his honesty and openness. However, there was one thing that really rubbed me the wrong way.
The bad-mouthing and villainizing.
According to him, his wife number 1 "was a minx and I [Sweetwood] could not resist her". She was also "brusque","quick-tempered", "demanding", to name a few phrases Sweetwood described her as. Wife number 2 and her family endured the same bad-mouthing. Sweetwood completely villainised them in his retelling of their relationships. He dished the relationship off on them, while writing off himself and the kids as the poor innocent "victims of abuse". I couldn't stomach that.
First of all, his kids are innocent -- they had no say in the horrible relationships Sweetwood dove in, nor could they have refused to be born in this family. However, Sweetwood was not. He had the power to call off their relationship. He had the choice to stand up for himself and his children. He could have fought back.
Secondly, he had little compassion for his ex-wives. He mentions that wife number 1 has borderline personality disorder (BPD). A little background information: BPD is a mental health disorder with characteristic 'rollercoaster emotions'. People suffering from BPD often feel insecure, and their disorder is often due to genetics, the wiring of their brain, or a difficult childhood. It is difficult for them to control their thoughts and emotions. In the past, it was also difficult for doctors who tried to treat BPD. He mentions that wife number 2 was under strong pressure by her family to act the way she did. She was verbally and emotionally abused.
Both women were not just the villains. They were also the victims. So please, show a little compassion.
Rating: 2.3/5
May 19, 2025
I found Sweetwoods' "Leader of the Pack" resonating with anyone who has faced an abusive relationship. Mental illness affects many marriages and all too often blindsides one partner as time reveals the other's true character. Meanwhile, one parent dedicates their lives to maintaining peace, order, cleaning, cooking, and working to give the kids the mental and emotional tools to live a happy and well-adjusted life. Sweetwood candidly shares his own struggles, pitfalls, and triumphs. His vulnerability is not just raw, but inspiring. By sharing his own journey, he grades a path others can pave, and transverse. While Sweeetwood does not provide a step-by-step plan, his struggle to meet the demands of a horrific marriage, then being a single father, and the pressures of society, clearly describes the steps he took in his attitude, physical and emotional commitments to excellence, along with the unyielding dedication to see that every aspect of his life ultimately resonated with success. These steps provide a trail others can repeat. However, true meaning in his life did not exist until he embarked on a path with God and Torah directing his steps. The Torah's teaching shaped his ultimate triumph as he broke co-dependent habits and dysfunctional thought processes. Aish.com played an interictal role in shaping the man and leader Sweetwood would grow into and forge a man capable of not only leading his family, but leading men and women who have courageously broken the cycle of dysfunction to establish healthy and firm course of life. This book is a great inspiration for those seeking the first or the next step in breaking the cycle of abuse and succeeding in life.
November 4, 2018
Thank you goodreads for sending me a kindle version of the book. This man pulled himself up from the depths of not one but two toxic relationships managed to forge a close bond with his children. I am not sure how he managed to connect with so many horrible people; I also think he could have used a better lawyer and a good private investigator. I like the way he looks at himself and his life straight on and pulls no punches and makes no excuses. His story is inspirational. The writing however is not. It was a little murky not having a better sense of a timeline for how and when events unfolded. Was it months or years? Don't really know.
June 25, 2018
This is a well-written memoir. It tells a compact and compelling story. The author and his family have come through several large challenges, and appear to be better off for them. I appreciated hearing of his perseverance and his ability to forgive and put away his anger. I am sure that others who have been through similar situations would benefit from reading it. But I really only just liked it. It is better than some of the other memoirs I have read recently, so probably 3.5 stars.
May 16, 2018
This book kept my interest from the first page to the last
May 30, 2018
Enjoyed this inspiring story. Recommended reading.
July 16, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews