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The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationships
Learn how to increase your emotional intelligence with five simple tools It's no secret that emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in your relationships. But how do you apply these specialized skills in everyday life? It's easy--with this practical, ready-to-use guide by a renowned expert in the field of emotional intelligence and communication. Using the latest research and true-to-life examples, Dr. Jeanne Segal's step-by-step program shows you how to incorporate the five basic tools of emotional intelligence to enhance your relationships in the workplace, at home, and in all areas of your life. You'll learn how to:
240 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1997
77 people are currently reading
726 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
August 7, 2023
I've read several books on Emotional Intelligence over the years. I purchased Emotional Intelligence 2.0 after reviewing this book. It is good. Still, I also quite like this one. It's not too long. It's easy to read. It's gives a clear hope that improvement is possible and a straightforward means of doing it. As always, change is not claimed to be easy.
This book is somewhere between a workbook and a book to read, but it is still an interesting read. After the introductory material, there are plenty of assignments. These are not quizzes that need to be answered before moving on. Rather, they are exhortations to be observant. For example: One exercise recommends keeping a notebook where observations are recorded for a week.
Chapter 7: Nonverbal communication
p. 121-123 contains an assignment to keep a notebook of observations for a week
- Eye contact
- Facial expressions
- Tone of voice
- Posture and gestures
- Touch
- Intensity
- Timing and pace
- Sounds that convey understanding
"- Eye contact: Is this source of connection missing, too intense, or just right in yourself or in the person you are looking at?
- Facial expressions: What is your face showing? Is it masklike and unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest? What do you see as you look into the face of others?
- Tone of voice: does your voice project warmth, confidence, and delight, or is it strained and blocked/ What do you hear as you listen to other people?
- Posture and gestures: Does your body feel still and immobile, or relaxed? Sensing the degree of tension in your shoulders and jaw answers this question. What do you observe about the degree of tension or relaxation in the body of the person you are speaking to?
- Touch: Remember, what feels good is relative. How do you like to be touched? Who do you like to have touching you? Is the difference between what you like and what the other person likes obvious to you?
- Intensity: Do you or the person you are communicating with seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and melodramatic? Again, this has as much to do what feels good to the other person as it does with what you personally prefer.
- Timing and pace: What happens when you or someone you care about makes an important statement? Does a response - not necessarily verbal - come too quickly or too slowly? Is there an easy flow of information back and forth?
- Sounds that convey understanding: Do you use sounds to indicate that you are attending to the other person? Do you pick up on sounds from others that indicate their caring or concern for you?
Because the point of this exercise is simply to observe, there are no right or wring answers, only useful information that you will take to the next chapter." (p. 122-123)
"In some settings nonverbal communication is particularly effective and gives us an edge. ...
When people come to us with problems, often they are not asking us to solve them. Therefore, unless someone comes to us with a problem and specifically requests a solution, we are probably being asked to simply listen. Most people, young as well as old, want the satisfaction of solving their own problems. By listening, we contribute to this satisfaction and build trust in the relationship." (p. 138)
When it is Not Advisable to Attempt Conflict Resolution
"In deciding whether you are unsafe, emotionally or physically, consider the following in your relationship:
- Is your physical safety being threatened?
- Are you afraid?
- Are you being beaten down - intellectually or emotionally - or worn down physically?
- Has your sense of self diminished in the relationship?
- Are you ashamed of the way you are being treated?
- Is the person you have a relationship with unable to take responsibility for his or her own injurious behavior?
- Does the person you are in a relationship with have an alcohol or drug problem?"
"If you said yes to any of the preceding questions, you may need assistance before focusing on resolving differences." (p. 193-194)
"If you actually practiced the longer exercises in Chapter 4 and Chapter 6, give yourself a big hand of applause." (p. 213)
Somehow, this book did not achieve popularity, but I give it 5 stars.
This book is somewhere between a workbook and a book to read, but it is still an interesting read. After the introductory material, there are plenty of assignments. These are not quizzes that need to be answered before moving on. Rather, they are exhortations to be observant. For example: One exercise recommends keeping a notebook where observations are recorded for a week.
Chapter 7: Nonverbal communication
p. 121-123 contains an assignment to keep a notebook of observations for a week
- Eye contact
- Facial expressions
- Tone of voice
- Posture and gestures
- Touch
- Intensity
- Timing and pace
- Sounds that convey understanding
"- Eye contact: Is this source of connection missing, too intense, or just right in yourself or in the person you are looking at?
- Facial expressions: What is your face showing? Is it masklike and unexpressive, or emotionally present and filled with interest? What do you see as you look into the face of others?
- Tone of voice: does your voice project warmth, confidence, and delight, or is it strained and blocked/ What do you hear as you listen to other people?
- Posture and gestures: Does your body feel still and immobile, or relaxed? Sensing the degree of tension in your shoulders and jaw answers this question. What do you observe about the degree of tension or relaxation in the body of the person you are speaking to?
- Touch: Remember, what feels good is relative. How do you like to be touched? Who do you like to have touching you? Is the difference between what you like and what the other person likes obvious to you?
- Intensity: Do you or the person you are communicating with seem flat, cool, and disinterested, or over-the-top and melodramatic? Again, this has as much to do what feels good to the other person as it does with what you personally prefer.
- Timing and pace: What happens when you or someone you care about makes an important statement? Does a response - not necessarily verbal - come too quickly or too slowly? Is there an easy flow of information back and forth?
- Sounds that convey understanding: Do you use sounds to indicate that you are attending to the other person? Do you pick up on sounds from others that indicate their caring or concern for you?
Because the point of this exercise is simply to observe, there are no right or wring answers, only useful information that you will take to the next chapter." (p. 122-123)
"In some settings nonverbal communication is particularly effective and gives us an edge. ...
When people come to us with problems, often they are not asking us to solve them. Therefore, unless someone comes to us with a problem and specifically requests a solution, we are probably being asked to simply listen. Most people, young as well as old, want the satisfaction of solving their own problems. By listening, we contribute to this satisfaction and build trust in the relationship." (p. 138)
When it is Not Advisable to Attempt Conflict Resolution
"In deciding whether you are unsafe, emotionally or physically, consider the following in your relationship:
- Is your physical safety being threatened?
- Are you afraid?
- Are you being beaten down - intellectually or emotionally - or worn down physically?
- Has your sense of self diminished in the relationship?
- Are you ashamed of the way you are being treated?
- Is the person you have a relationship with unable to take responsibility for his or her own injurious behavior?
- Does the person you are in a relationship with have an alcohol or drug problem?"
"If you said yes to any of the preceding questions, you may need assistance before focusing on resolving differences." (p. 193-194)
"If you actually practiced the longer exercises in Chapter 4 and Chapter 6, give yourself a big hand of applause." (p. 213)
Somehow, this book did not achieve popularity, but I give it 5 stars.
May 3, 2021
I enjoyed reading this. There's a lot of new information and it provides not only what I can know about but also guides and tips to get started with practicing. What makes a good self-growth book for me is when it provides not only easy read information, but also guides me how to practice and motivates me to actually take action (although motivation is not something I could rely upon if I want to achieve something and consistently).
The practices and techniques here are easy to follow, but I am about to continue doing them yet (hence my rating is only 4 for now, I'll change it to 5 in the future if they work for me).
The practices and techniques here are easy to follow, but I am about to continue doing them yet (hence my rating is only 4 for now, I'll change it to 5 in the future if they work for me).
October 25, 2019
My early childhood wasn't all that healthy, and my research has led me too looking into attachment styles. In order to bring my emotional IQ back in to balance I thought it would be best to sort out a book to discover some solutions. Unfortunately this book didn't have any tips for Adults who are recovering from a bad attachment style.
This book is or you, if your parent was unavailable or self-absorbed.
-This cause's these types of issues
1. Children we may get lost in our own inner worlds,
2. They avoiding any close, emotional connections.
3. As adults, we may become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
4. Inability to deal with stress and adversity: lack of self-control and inability to regulate feelings and Emotions
5. Antisocial attitudes and behaviors: aggression and Violence
6. Difficulty with trust: uncomfortable with intimacy and affection
7. Negativity: hopeless, pessimistic view of self, family, and society
8. Behavioral and academic problems: speech and language problems, difficulty learning
This book is or you, if your parent was unavailable or self-absorbed.
-This cause's these types of issues
1. Children we may get lost in our own inner worlds,
2. They avoiding any close, emotional connections.
3. As adults, we may become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
4. Inability to deal with stress and adversity: lack of self-control and inability to regulate feelings and Emotions
5. Antisocial attitudes and behaviors: aggression and Violence
6. Difficulty with trust: uncomfortable with intimacy and affection
7. Negativity: hopeless, pessimistic view of self, family, and society
8. Behavioral and academic problems: speech and language problems, difficulty learning
July 16, 2019
The book is for those who want to be oriented with the basics of emotional intelligence. It's easy to understand and it has simplified the tools necessary to achieve high emotional intelligence. Every tool was backed up with a story to help us fully understand the concept.
I was also surprised to know that playfulness and sense of humour is essential in maintaining a relationship.
The book contains some exercises to practice good habits that could change your life.
A book that , I think, I would like to return to on some occasions.
I was also surprised to know that playfulness and sense of humour is essential in maintaining a relationship.
The book contains some exercises to practice good habits that could change your life.
A book that , I think, I would like to return to on some occasions.
January 3, 2019
Really liked how this book set out actionable takeaways alongside the theory behind its teachings. I made so many notes, I believe I will return to regularly. Also planning to read more on this topic so would recommend as a solid intro to this topic.
January 18, 2018
generally, this was a good book. Easy and smooth to read with clear ideas. Actually, there were many positive life enhancing ideas in the book and methods to implement them. But, I do feel that this book on its own is not sufficient in relation to the real world. I mean, even if you master all the suggested techniques mentioned within, you won’t necessarily master emotional intelligence. It was more text book concepts than realistic concepts. Anyone read it?
June 17, 2017
Good resource. Practical instructions and helpful ideas brought together.
January 21, 2020
This book is a wonderful tool! I have given it to people because it is just so very helpful.
August 6, 2022
An interesting and light read on emotional and non-verbal communication
November 8, 2022
For me, an excellent popular science book. Help me build a network about EQ, know how important the nonverbal language is.
November 19, 2023
Simple and concise
I felt I really got a benefit from reading it.
I felt I really got a benefit from reading it.
July 8, 2025
3.5 stars
A good introductory book on Emotional Intelligence. It was easy to read, but didn't delve as deeply as I had expected.
A good introductory book on Emotional Intelligence. It was easy to read, but didn't delve as deeply as I had expected.
February 2, 2015
Pleasantly surprised by how much I benefited from reading this. It contains useful, research based tools for increasing emotional intelligence, which I found effective and interesting to learn about. I would have never expected to describe this book as "captivating", but it was! The writing style was just really enjoyable, and I got a lot of great information without it feeling textbook or preachy, which I feel is unique for this genre.
August 21, 2016
The interesting studies, as well as the personal accounts of various people, contained in this book strengthen the self-help tools and exercises provided. Extremely helpful for anyone who wants to know what they can do for themselves and their relationships.
April 24, 2012
this is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to put forth effort to improve their understanding of relationships, and themselves.
Read
March 23, 2015asdasdasdsdzczasd
August 22, 2014
Not as interesing as I'd hoped.
Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews