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Captive: A Mother's Crusade to Save Her Daughter from a Terrifying Cult
In this heartbreaking and shocking exposé, one of Dynasty ’s biggest stars lays bare a secretive organization that is holding her daughter hostage and details her mission to save her in this powerful depiction of a mother’s love and determination.
I am a mother whose child is being abused and exploited. And I am not alone .
In 2011, Catherine joined her daughter, India, at a leadership seminar for a new organization called NXIVM. Her twenty-year-old daughter was on the threshold of building a new company and they both thought this program might help her achieve her dream. But quickly, Catherine saw a sinister side to what appeared to be a self-help organization designed to help its clients become the best versions of themselves.
Catherine watched in horror as her daughter fell further and further down the rabbit hole, becoming brainwashed by the organization’s charismatic leader. Despite Catherine’s best efforts, India was drawn deeper into the cult, eventually joining a secret, elite “sorority” of women members who are ordered to maintain a restricted diet, recruit other women as “slaves,” and are branded with their leader’s initials.
In Captive , Catherine shares every parent’s worst nightmare, and the lengths that a mother will go to save her child. Featuring interviews with past members of NXIVM and experts in the field of cults, Oxenberg attempts to draw back the curtain on how these groups continue to lure in members. She relates her continuing journey to try to reach her daughter, to save her from what she believes is a dangerous, mind-controlling cult.
I am a mother whose child is being abused and exploited. And I am not alone .
In 2011, Catherine joined her daughter, India, at a leadership seminar for a new organization called NXIVM. Her twenty-year-old daughter was on the threshold of building a new company and they both thought this program might help her achieve her dream. But quickly, Catherine saw a sinister side to what appeared to be a self-help organization designed to help its clients become the best versions of themselves.
Catherine watched in horror as her daughter fell further and further down the rabbit hole, becoming brainwashed by the organization’s charismatic leader. Despite Catherine’s best efforts, India was drawn deeper into the cult, eventually joining a secret, elite “sorority” of women members who are ordered to maintain a restricted diet, recruit other women as “slaves,” and are branded with their leader’s initials.
In Captive , Catherine shares every parent’s worst nightmare, and the lengths that a mother will go to save her child. Featuring interviews with past members of NXIVM and experts in the field of cults, Oxenberg attempts to draw back the curtain on how these groups continue to lure in members. She relates her continuing journey to try to reach her daughter, to save her from what she believes is a dangerous, mind-controlling cult.
350 pages, Hardcover
First published August 7, 2018
342 people are currently reading
2265 people want to read
About the author
Catherine Oxenberg
4 books11 followersCatherine Oxenberg is an American actress of Serbian origin. Best known for her performance as Amanda Carrington on the 1980s prime-time soap opera Dynasty. She is the daughter of Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia.
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September 1, 2018
Captive: A Mother's Crusade to Save Her Daughter From a Terrifying Cult by Catherine Oxenberg is a 2018 Simon & Schuster publication.
I only follow the news sparingly these days. However, even if one only pops over to Facebook or Twitter for a moment, headlines and trending news or topics are unavoidable. I had seen the story about an actress involved in a sex cult, but didn’t take the bait. However, the story remained a hot topic for several days.
But, when I saw this book popping up here and there, it never even crossed my mind that the ‘terrifying cult’ spoken of here, was the same one making headlines a few weeks back. Wow.
I was a big fan of the night time soaps for a while in the early eighties. I did watch ‘Dynasty’ for a while, and vaguely remember Catherine Oxenberg from that show. However, I hadn’t thought of her since, well, the early eighties. In fact, it took me a little while to make the connection. So, it wasn't so much that the book was written by a quasi-famous person, but the topic of the book that piqued my curiosity. Cults??
Are cults still a thing? Apparently so.
While they no longer make headlines, well, besides ‘Scientology’, there are still more cults out there than I’d realized.
This one was called NXIVM/ESP. It is marketed as a professional development group, sponsoring seminars designed for self-improvement.
Catherine and her daughter, India, joined the group, but as Catherine remained a skeptic, India bought into the whole ideology hook, line and sinker.
Of course, we all know now that the group was a cult- a sex cult to be more precise, in which women were enslaved and even branded- yes, you read that right- branded!!
I’d never heard of this group until I picked up this book, so all the information provided was news to me. Some readers may have been following those aforementioned news stories about the cult, and as such may not discover anything here you didn’t already know about it.
But, even if you have been keeping up with the headlines and are familiar with the lurid goings on in the cult, this book will give you a look at how the brainwashing operation works and the will and tenacity it required for Catherine to get people to listen to her, to see that crimes were being committed, and to hopefully save her daughter in the process.
I added audio for this book, which is narrated by the author. I found Catherine’s British accent to be appealing, and I think she did a good job at keeping her voice and emotions tempered and even.
I’m about as far removed from the life Catherine has led as one could possibly get. This made it hard for me to relate to her and her approach to life and parenting. She admits to having spent a great deal of time on self-help groups, constantly in search of some kind of pat answers, which of course there is none. Yet, she seemed to try everything under the sun, and although she claimed to have finally realized she was wasting her time with all that, she still joined NXIVM with India and remained a part of it for a lot longer than she should have, especially since she blatantly balked at their practices. She may have stayed because India was so involved, but I found myself questioning her actions on more than one occasion. Of course, it’s easy to armchair quarterback, and I did try not to pass judgement- but only won out half the time.
However, once she realized the hold the group had on her daughter, and the true nature of the organization, it would appear she at long last found her life’s purpose- to expose the cult and hopefully free her daughter in the process.
Once she began working to get India away from Keith Raniere, Catherine, whether she realized it or not, seemed to morph into a person with stronger backbone, became more disciplined, focused, and emotionally mature. While I still questioned the approach she took with her daughter, I couldn’t help but admire her determination. By the time all was said and done, she’d begun to prevent other women from falling into Keith’s trap, making it her ultimate goal to see the cult shut down, to free as many women as possible, with the fervent hope her daughter might be one of them. The reality was, though, that her daughter was so entrenched into the cult, she might be one of those facing criminal charges.
Catherine did not give up, and her work to get the media’s attention, to shine a spotlight on this eerie and bizarre cult finally paid off.
The book is not as organized as I’d have liked, and Catherine does spend a lot of time explaining herself or justifying her actions. I think she is grappling with her role in India’s susceptibility to this type of brainwashing, and her initial participation obviously weighs on her.
But, one only need look at the list of people who have at one time or another been associated with NXIVM to see that anyone, no matter what their background, social standing, financial situation, or popularity, might be open to groups like this.
How people become so brainwashed, why they stay in these situations, and why it is so hard to get them to leave, to see reason, is still a mystery, and is beyond my ability to understand. I don’t suppose cults like one will ever go away, as long as people are in search of some kind of enlightenment or way to find peace and fulfillment, or ways to make them more successful or to make them become better people. It is truly frightening, though, to see powerful leaders and businessmen have been a part of this organization, as well as other influential people whose popularity or occupation had the capacity to lure others into the lair of sex trafficking and slavery and forced labor.
Despite some issues with the writing and organization of the book, it is still a chilling story, which prompted me to do some Google searches and additional reading. I’m glad people like Oxenberg fought against this group and am happy to see her efforts rewarded. I hope India, all those victimized, will come around and find a meaningful and productive way to live life from here on out.
3.5 stars
I only follow the news sparingly these days. However, even if one only pops over to Facebook or Twitter for a moment, headlines and trending news or topics are unavoidable. I had seen the story about an actress involved in a sex cult, but didn’t take the bait. However, the story remained a hot topic for several days.
But, when I saw this book popping up here and there, it never even crossed my mind that the ‘terrifying cult’ spoken of here, was the same one making headlines a few weeks back. Wow.
I was a big fan of the night time soaps for a while in the early eighties. I did watch ‘Dynasty’ for a while, and vaguely remember Catherine Oxenberg from that show. However, I hadn’t thought of her since, well, the early eighties. In fact, it took me a little while to make the connection. So, it wasn't so much that the book was written by a quasi-famous person, but the topic of the book that piqued my curiosity. Cults??
Are cults still a thing? Apparently so.
While they no longer make headlines, well, besides ‘Scientology’, there are still more cults out there than I’d realized.
This one was called NXIVM/ESP. It is marketed as a professional development group, sponsoring seminars designed for self-improvement.
Catherine and her daughter, India, joined the group, but as Catherine remained a skeptic, India bought into the whole ideology hook, line and sinker.
Of course, we all know now that the group was a cult- a sex cult to be more precise, in which women were enslaved and even branded- yes, you read that right- branded!!
I’d never heard of this group until I picked up this book, so all the information provided was news to me. Some readers may have been following those aforementioned news stories about the cult, and as such may not discover anything here you didn’t already know about it.
But, even if you have been keeping up with the headlines and are familiar with the lurid goings on in the cult, this book will give you a look at how the brainwashing operation works and the will and tenacity it required for Catherine to get people to listen to her, to see that crimes were being committed, and to hopefully save her daughter in the process.
I added audio for this book, which is narrated by the author. I found Catherine’s British accent to be appealing, and I think she did a good job at keeping her voice and emotions tempered and even.
I’m about as far removed from the life Catherine has led as one could possibly get. This made it hard for me to relate to her and her approach to life and parenting. She admits to having spent a great deal of time on self-help groups, constantly in search of some kind of pat answers, which of course there is none. Yet, she seemed to try everything under the sun, and although she claimed to have finally realized she was wasting her time with all that, she still joined NXIVM with India and remained a part of it for a lot longer than she should have, especially since she blatantly balked at their practices. She may have stayed because India was so involved, but I found myself questioning her actions on more than one occasion. Of course, it’s easy to armchair quarterback, and I did try not to pass judgement- but only won out half the time.
However, once she realized the hold the group had on her daughter, and the true nature of the organization, it would appear she at long last found her life’s purpose- to expose the cult and hopefully free her daughter in the process.
Once she began working to get India away from Keith Raniere, Catherine, whether she realized it or not, seemed to morph into a person with stronger backbone, became more disciplined, focused, and emotionally mature. While I still questioned the approach she took with her daughter, I couldn’t help but admire her determination. By the time all was said and done, she’d begun to prevent other women from falling into Keith’s trap, making it her ultimate goal to see the cult shut down, to free as many women as possible, with the fervent hope her daughter might be one of them. The reality was, though, that her daughter was so entrenched into the cult, she might be one of those facing criminal charges.
Catherine did not give up, and her work to get the media’s attention, to shine a spotlight on this eerie and bizarre cult finally paid off.
The book is not as organized as I’d have liked, and Catherine does spend a lot of time explaining herself or justifying her actions. I think she is grappling with her role in India’s susceptibility to this type of brainwashing, and her initial participation obviously weighs on her.
But, one only need look at the list of people who have at one time or another been associated with NXIVM to see that anyone, no matter what their background, social standing, financial situation, or popularity, might be open to groups like this.
How people become so brainwashed, why they stay in these situations, and why it is so hard to get them to leave, to see reason, is still a mystery, and is beyond my ability to understand. I don’t suppose cults like one will ever go away, as long as people are in search of some kind of enlightenment or way to find peace and fulfillment, or ways to make them more successful or to make them become better people. It is truly frightening, though, to see powerful leaders and businessmen have been a part of this organization, as well as other influential people whose popularity or occupation had the capacity to lure others into the lair of sex trafficking and slavery and forced labor.
Despite some issues with the writing and organization of the book, it is still a chilling story, which prompted me to do some Google searches and additional reading. I’m glad people like Oxenberg fought against this group and am happy to see her efforts rewarded. I hope India, all those victimized, will come around and find a meaningful and productive way to live life from here on out.
3.5 stars
December 14, 2022
1.5 stars !!
I struggled very much with this book. I found the writing too elementary and the analysis very simplistic and amateurish. I would have preferred a much more measured telling of this very challenging situation of an adult daughter becoming involved with the absurd and unbelievable cult of
NXIVM.
I hope the family recovers from this ordeal.
I struggled very much with this book. I found the writing too elementary and the analysis very simplistic and amateurish. I would have preferred a much more measured telling of this very challenging situation of an adult daughter becoming involved with the absurd and unbelievable cult of
NXIVM.
I hope the family recovers from this ordeal.
October 22, 2018
Nxivm is basically a Scientology knockoff: pseudo-psychology self-help classes, celebrity endorsement, special terminology and acronyms, and one hell of a creepy leader. If you, like me, have a morbid fascination with cults, I HIGHLY recommend the CBC podcast Uncover: Escaping Nxivm. This podcast has been keeping me company lately on my commute and I just can’t get enough. When I saw Captive: A Mother’s Crusade to Save Her Daughter from a Terrifying Cult at the library, I snatched it up so fast I almost gave myself whiplash.
How is it possible to write a book about a cult that’s BORING?!
It’s almost impressive that Oxenberg managed to write a book without a cohesive narrative; I can’t help but wonder what her ghost writer was doing. Captive is so disjointed and poorly structured that it loses much of its message. And what is it’s message? It is difficult to tease out a central, unifying them: on one hand, we have the book’s subtitle, which promises a mother’s journey to rescue her daughter from the clutches of Nxivm. On the other hand, we have Oxenberg’s separate journey to “bring down” the cult by using negative media coverage to encourage law enforcement to step in. The problem is that saving her daughter and bringing down the cult are two separate journeys that rarely intersect.
Oxenberg tries to hook her readers in the prologue with shock factor:
If you knew one thing about Nxivm before picking up this book, it was that they were running around branding people. Of course it would be a horrible shock for a mother to find out that her daughter had let another person brand her with a cauterizing pen. I’m not trying to discount her emotional reaction. But it felt like a cheap ploy to start her book by talking about the branding, especially since the branding is what’s creating so much of the buzz behind Nxivm. She didn’t have to start the story there, especially since she copies and pastes this scene from another passage in the book where it fits in to the timeline.
Oxenberg and her daughter, India, were introduced to Nxivm when they took a class together. Oxenberg left the group after a few years, but India became deeply involved. From the beginning, Oxenberg makes sure her readers know that she wasn’t fooled. She discusses at length how silly the lessons were and how horrified she was at the blatant sexism behind the doctrine, which just doesn’t ring true. If you thought the group was so stupid from day one, why did you spend thousands of dollars taking classes and making trips to Albany? Her viewpoint also bars the reader from really connecting with the story. If she’d structured the narrative in a more sympathetic way, maybe we would be able to see what it was about Nxivm that drew so many people in, including India. Sadly, Oxenberg never gives that to us.
Likewise, Oxenberg has a lot to say about her daughter’s involvement in the group. She tells us how horrified she was to have a child involved with a cult, but again, it just didn’t feel genuine. Interspersed in the narrative is the recurring phrase “a cult expert told me” followed by a dry statement about an abstract cult member’s psyche. The analysis is clearly not her own and is just too clinical and detached. What mother would talk about her child like that? This information is helpful, but it could have been included in a way that felt more natural.
Notably, Oxenberg never actually does anything, at least at first, about her daughter being in a cult. She passively watches as India’s bank account runs dry, and never criticizes her involvement with Nxivm or her choices. Dropping out of college? Breaking up with her longtime boyfriend? Moving to Albany? Possibly sleeping with the cult leader? Oxenberg doesn’t make a peep. And it’s almost contradictory – one page Oxenberg is telling us how worried she is that her daughter is $130,000 in debt thanks to all the Nxivm classes she’s taking, and on literally the next page, in response to a worried friend’s phone call (“You have to save India”), she’s like, “[W]hat do you mean? . . . Save India from what? From whom?”
Oxenberg eventually bands together with a few other people who left Nxivm and begins her “crusade” to tear down the group and save her daughter. This is where the narrative becomes hopelessly disjointed. Oxenberg herself had left Nxivm years earlier, so she isn’t an eyewitness to any of the drama as the group untangles. She tells us what’s happening “inside,” quoting many sources, both named and unnamed. She also does a lot of Googling to tell her readers about Keith Raniere’s background and the history of the group. None of this works for the format: a memoir is supposed to be a deeply personal story, but Oxenberg’s involvement is so limited that she is unable to deliver and is forced to rely on outside sources. Many of these passages felt like they were haphazardly copied and pasted, with no cohesive story.
Something else that is missing from the book is India herself. Oxenberg barely talks to her daughter, minus a few text message conversations, which Oxenberg for some reason included in the book. India’s involvement with the cult is what this book is supposedly about, but India never tells her mother what exactly is going on, and Oxenberg uses third party sources to fill in the gaps. A conversation with her daughter discussing her personal experience is one thing, but the memoir quickly falls apart when the only sources Oxenberg has are friends who tell her what they’ve heard India is going through. By the end of the book, India is still involved with Nxivm, so we never hear her side of the story. I can’t help but wonder how Oxenberg thinks writing this book will effect any future relationship with her daughter.
Because India is still involved with Nxivm when this book wraps up, and because the legal system isn’t finished with Keith Raniere or his cronies, there really isn’t much of a conclusion to this book. The ending is more than abrupt, it’s jarring, introducing a self-serving element that doesn’t work at all with the rest of the book.
And… Interestingly, Oxenberg’s main criticism with Nxivm has something to do with her ex-husband…
Casper was a good athlete, known mostly for his enthusiasm – he’d won awards for his enthusiasm. He wasn’t a regular volleyball player, but he’d played one in a movie, Kill Shot, more than a decade earlier, which is almost as good.
Casper tried to be a good sport and follow Keith’s nonsensical instructions, but fifteen minutes into the game he leapt high into the air to take a shot and accidentally rammed his elbow into another player’s head . . . You might say Casper made a Kill Shot . . . The rest of the players – all nonviolent, non-meat-eating pacifists – were horrified by such uncouth, aggressive barbarianism. They didn’t understand he was just being enthusiastic. I couldn’t help but think: That’s what happens when you pit a real man against a team of beta males.
Here was Casper – a hunky Hollywood celebrity in a gym in suburban Albany, New York – with dozens of female groupies in the room, and none of them gave him a single glance. Not one! I had never seen this happen before; he might as well have been invisible.
The men swarmed him, and he thought for sure someone was going to throw a punch. He was ready if they did: although Casper wasn’t a martial artist, he’d played one in the TV series Mortal Kombat: Legacy – just as good.
They were still beta males, just flustered ones. Not only did we notice that the men seemed more feminized the longer they spent in ESP, but we also observed that, conversely, the women became more masculine. . . [they] all gave off a bit of a butch vibe to Casper and me – especially to my husband, who fancied himself a female sex appeal whisperer.
Now, suddenly Casper’s breakout groups all week consisted of young, attractive women who fawned over him and hung on to his every word – which had never happened before in class.
We really need a book about Nxivm. But this is not that book.
How is it possible to write a book about a cult that’s BORING?!
It’s almost impressive that Oxenberg managed to write a book without a cohesive narrative; I can’t help but wonder what her ghost writer was doing. Captive is so disjointed and poorly structured that it loses much of its message. And what is it’s message? It is difficult to tease out a central, unifying them: on one hand, we have the book’s subtitle, which promises a mother’s journey to rescue her daughter from the clutches of Nxivm. On the other hand, we have Oxenberg’s separate journey to “bring down” the cult by using negative media coverage to encourage law enforcement to step in. The problem is that saving her daughter and bringing down the cult are two separate journeys that rarely intersect.
Oxenberg tries to hook her readers in the prologue with shock factor:
...India… have you been branded?
If you knew one thing about Nxivm before picking up this book, it was that they were running around branding people. Of course it would be a horrible shock for a mother to find out that her daughter had let another person brand her with a cauterizing pen. I’m not trying to discount her emotional reaction. But it felt like a cheap ploy to start her book by talking about the branding, especially since the branding is what’s creating so much of the buzz behind Nxivm. She didn’t have to start the story there, especially since she copies and pastes this scene from another passage in the book where it fits in to the timeline.
Oxenberg and her daughter, India, were introduced to Nxivm when they took a class together. Oxenberg left the group after a few years, but India became deeply involved. From the beginning, Oxenberg makes sure her readers know that she wasn’t fooled. She discusses at length how silly the lessons were and how horrified she was at the blatant sexism behind the doctrine, which just doesn’t ring true. If you thought the group was so stupid from day one, why did you spend thousands of dollars taking classes and making trips to Albany? Her viewpoint also bars the reader from really connecting with the story. If she’d structured the narrative in a more sympathetic way, maybe we would be able to see what it was about Nxivm that drew so many people in, including India. Sadly, Oxenberg never gives that to us.
Likewise, Oxenberg has a lot to say about her daughter’s involvement in the group. She tells us how horrified she was to have a child involved with a cult, but again, it just didn’t feel genuine. Interspersed in the narrative is the recurring phrase “a cult expert told me” followed by a dry statement about an abstract cult member’s psyche. The analysis is clearly not her own and is just too clinical and detached. What mother would talk about her child like that? This information is helpful, but it could have been included in a way that felt more natural.
Notably, Oxenberg never actually does anything, at least at first, about her daughter being in a cult. She passively watches as India’s bank account runs dry, and never criticizes her involvement with Nxivm or her choices. Dropping out of college? Breaking up with her longtime boyfriend? Moving to Albany? Possibly sleeping with the cult leader? Oxenberg doesn’t make a peep. And it’s almost contradictory – one page Oxenberg is telling us how worried she is that her daughter is $130,000 in debt thanks to all the Nxivm classes she’s taking, and on literally the next page, in response to a worried friend’s phone call (“You have to save India”), she’s like, “[W]hat do you mean? . . . Save India from what? From whom?”
Oxenberg eventually bands together with a few other people who left Nxivm and begins her “crusade” to tear down the group and save her daughter. This is where the narrative becomes hopelessly disjointed. Oxenberg herself had left Nxivm years earlier, so she isn’t an eyewitness to any of the drama as the group untangles. She tells us what’s happening “inside,” quoting many sources, both named and unnamed. She also does a lot of Googling to tell her readers about Keith Raniere’s background and the history of the group. None of this works for the format: a memoir is supposed to be a deeply personal story, but Oxenberg’s involvement is so limited that she is unable to deliver and is forced to rely on outside sources. Many of these passages felt like they were haphazardly copied and pasted, with no cohesive story.
Something else that is missing from the book is India herself. Oxenberg barely talks to her daughter, minus a few text message conversations, which Oxenberg for some reason included in the book. India’s involvement with the cult is what this book is supposedly about, but India never tells her mother what exactly is going on, and Oxenberg uses third party sources to fill in the gaps. A conversation with her daughter discussing her personal experience is one thing, but the memoir quickly falls apart when the only sources Oxenberg has are friends who tell her what they’ve heard India is going through. By the end of the book, India is still involved with Nxivm, so we never hear her side of the story. I can’t help but wonder how Oxenberg thinks writing this book will effect any future relationship with her daughter.
Because India is still involved with Nxivm when this book wraps up, and because the legal system isn’t finished with Keith Raniere or his cronies, there really isn’t much of a conclusion to this book. The ending is more than abrupt, it’s jarring, introducing a self-serving element that doesn’t work at all with the rest of the book.
It hit me that India’s own stubbornness had been the cult’s undoing – her strength had been Nxivm’s Achilles heel.
Had my initial intervention been successful, she and I would have walked away arm in arm without ever looking back and Keith would still be recruiting, abusing, exploiting, and branding innocent women.
Had she not been so resistant, I wouldn’t have been so moved to expand my mission and help so many more needful victims through my foundations.
Every time India resisted, my heart broke – and then expanded, and my desire to help others increased.
So I want to thank her for that. I want to thank India from the deepest part of my heart for teaching me how to be a better person.
And… Interestingly, Oxenberg’s main criticism with Nxivm has something to do with her ex-husband…
Casper was a good athlete, known mostly for his enthusiasm – he’d won awards for his enthusiasm. He wasn’t a regular volleyball player, but he’d played one in a movie, Kill Shot, more than a decade earlier, which is almost as good.
Casper tried to be a good sport and follow Keith’s nonsensical instructions, but fifteen minutes into the game he leapt high into the air to take a shot and accidentally rammed his elbow into another player’s head . . . You might say Casper made a Kill Shot . . . The rest of the players – all nonviolent, non-meat-eating pacifists – were horrified by such uncouth, aggressive barbarianism. They didn’t understand he was just being enthusiastic. I couldn’t help but think: That’s what happens when you pit a real man against a team of beta males.
Here was Casper – a hunky Hollywood celebrity in a gym in suburban Albany, New York – with dozens of female groupies in the room, and none of them gave him a single glance. Not one! I had never seen this happen before; he might as well have been invisible.
The men swarmed him, and he thought for sure someone was going to throw a punch. He was ready if they did: although Casper wasn’t a martial artist, he’d played one in the TV series Mortal Kombat: Legacy – just as good.
They were still beta males, just flustered ones. Not only did we notice that the men seemed more feminized the longer they spent in ESP, but we also observed that, conversely, the women became more masculine. . . [they] all gave off a bit of a butch vibe to Casper and me – especially to my husband, who fancied himself a female sex appeal whisperer.
Now, suddenly Casper’s breakout groups all week consisted of young, attractive women who fawned over him and hung on to his every word – which had never happened before in class.
We really need a book about Nxivm. But this is not that book.
October 19, 2018
Keith Raniere and ESP/NXIVM are despicable and must be stopped. The cult is dangerous and insideous. But Catherine Oxenberg’s account of her efforts to extract her daughter from its clutches seems to be more of an ego trip than about the process. She poses for the cameras, shops in high profile stores, talks incessantly of her royal heritage and makes some of the dumbest statements and choices imaginable. I was curious to read this because of some local connections that some cult members have, but I almost tore my hair out listening to the author’s inane narrative. She mocks the ESP workshops, questions the philosophy, but attends seminar after seminar, spending thousands of dollars on them...and then wonders how her daughter was sucked in. What?
July 6, 2022
This book is about a mother’s fight to free her daughter from the clutches of an evil sex cult called NXIVM. If you are not into cult related books, don’t bother with this one. There is an HBO documentary called THE VOW, watch that instead.
I always thought “you have to be an idiot to get into a cult!” but in this book what I discovered is that, you can be highly educated, successful, pretty etc but can still be sucked into such crazy organizations. What these people do is very slow indoctrination. Like a frog boiling in cold water. Of course not everyone falls for this type of BS, but some do! I see them as victims. It’s a sad reality that there will never be an end to this phenomenon. Cults are about power, abuse sexually and emotionally.
The authors writing was choppy at times. One thing annoyed me a little was how she boasted about her family, herself and her heritage. Alright, we get it!!! She comes from royalty….
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Enjoy!
I always thought “you have to be an idiot to get into a cult!” but in this book what I discovered is that, you can be highly educated, successful, pretty etc but can still be sucked into such crazy organizations. What these people do is very slow indoctrination. Like a frog boiling in cold water. Of course not everyone falls for this type of BS, but some do! I see them as victims. It’s a sad reality that there will never be an end to this phenomenon. Cults are about power, abuse sexually and emotionally.
The authors writing was choppy at times. One thing annoyed me a little was how she boasted about her family, herself and her heritage. Alright, we get it!!! She comes from royalty….
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Enjoy!
January 27, 2019
As I am absolutely fascinated by cults I had to pick this one up. I have seen/heard about NXIVM but after reading this book I learned more of their erratic tactics. I also learned more about Catherine herself as this is not all about the journey to save her daughter. It includes stories about the author’s past, bringing down the cult, and explaining/justifying her actions to name a few. Also, Catherine comes from a life of privilege so many of us can’t relate but one cannot deny her love for her child “as a parent, you have to be prepared to do anything.” You really feel the heartache this mom goes through. I hope this book reaches, teaches and helps others. 3.5★s!
June 26, 2019
If you were in a cult, would you know it?
I had first heard about this case on the CBC podcast Uncovered. I found the book while browsing on my kindle. It's so interesting that a strong woman who shares my same beliefs was unable to stop her daughter from getting sucked into this. The book covered more stories than the first part of the podcast and was really absorbing.
I had first heard about this case on the CBC podcast Uncovered. I found the book while browsing on my kindle. It's so interesting that a strong woman who shares my same beliefs was unable to stop her daughter from getting sucked into this. The book covered more stories than the first part of the podcast and was really absorbing.
September 2, 2018
Listened to on Audible : I can’t believe I made it as long as I did. This book was awful and boring. If the author spoke more about her child instead of herself I might have been able to feel badly for her.
March 14, 2023
Was this book slightly more about Catherine than India? Yes, but personally I still liked it.
I have a bit of a soft spot when it comes to my country's royal family, my own mother knows Catherine's (Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia), and several other members.
So honestly, I didn't mind that Catherine spoke so much about herself, or that she included a bit of the family history. Actually, I'm proud of her. Proud that we have someone like her representing us out in the world, and proud that she manged to save her daughter from NXIVM.
I listened to the audio version, narrated by Catherine herself. It was enjoyable, I really felt her pain and how hard she fought to get India out. It's clear she's a very caring mother who'd do anything for her children. If you're Serbian you'll also understand this next thing, she has a lot of инат.
I've seen several other reviews saying that it makes no sense that Catherine went to all these courses but was actually quite critical of them, and yet to me it somehow makes sense.
I'm not saying that she wasn't sucked in at any point (and doesn't want to tell us), I just believe that at her core - she wanted to spend more time with her daughter. And this was something that India felt was right for her, so Catherine supported her until she couldn't anymore.
The inclusion of Princess Elizabeth and her thoughts about the NXIVM mumbo jumbo really made my day, I always knew she was a great human being and I love being proven right.
As for India, I'm very proud of her as well. For having the courage to leave and share her story with the world. I wish her nothing but happiness in the future.
I know she too has a book out about her experiences, but as far as I can see it's only available through the American Amazon (and a few other American sites) as an audiobook so I'm not sure if I'll be able to get a copy. Fingers crossed it comes to the UK Audible, or comes out in ebook or physically, because I'd love to read it.
I have a bit of a soft spot when it comes to my country's royal family, my own mother knows Catherine's (Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia), and several other members.
So honestly, I didn't mind that Catherine spoke so much about herself, or that she included a bit of the family history. Actually, I'm proud of her. Proud that we have someone like her representing us out in the world, and proud that she manged to save her daughter from NXIVM.
I listened to the audio version, narrated by Catherine herself. It was enjoyable, I really felt her pain and how hard she fought to get India out. It's clear she's a very caring mother who'd do anything for her children. If you're Serbian you'll also understand this next thing, she has a lot of инат.
I've seen several other reviews saying that it makes no sense that Catherine went to all these courses but was actually quite critical of them, and yet to me it somehow makes sense.
I'm not saying that she wasn't sucked in at any point (and doesn't want to tell us), I just believe that at her core - she wanted to spend more time with her daughter. And this was something that India felt was right for her, so Catherine supported her until she couldn't anymore.
The inclusion of Princess Elizabeth and her thoughts about the NXIVM mumbo jumbo really made my day, I always knew she was a great human being and I love being proven right.
As for India, I'm very proud of her as well. For having the courage to leave and share her story with the world. I wish her nothing but happiness in the future.
I know she too has a book out about her experiences, but as far as I can see it's only available through the American Amazon (and a few other American sites) as an audiobook so I'm not sure if I'll be able to get a copy. Fingers crossed it comes to the UK Audible, or comes out in ebook or physically, because I'd love to read it.
September 12, 2018
NXIVM, from my understanding, is a relatively new cult that hasn’t been completely dismantled and exposed. The only reason I learned about it was because of Allison Mack’s involvement. I was a huge Smallville fan when it was premiering, so I was disappointed to learn of her intimate involvement. I’ve always been interested in cults. How they work, their tactics, and how they identify and manipulate potential members. So when I learned about Oxenberg’s book, I knew I had to read it.
I mistakenly went into this book with different expectations than the book was so clearly touting. I was expecting the focus to be on Oxenberg’s daughter. However, Captive focuses on Oxenberg’s own personal struggles with the cult itself, loosing her daughter, and, finally, doing everything in her power to destroy it. With that being said, Captive focuses on Oxenberg’s journey rather than the inner workings of the cult and her daughter’s experience. This is apparent in the explanation of the cult and how it works. Had I not listening to the first two episodes of the CBC’s Uncover: Escaping NXIVM I would have been completely lost.
The writing within the book is horrible. The narrative is erratic as is jumps all other the place, even within a few paragraphs on the same page. Oxenberg goes on irrelevant tangents and name-drops a lot in some weird effort to demonstrate how connected and powerful she is. The best example is when she compares the cult to the Berlin Wall and how it eventually fell. A decent enough metaphor, but Oxenberg follows it up with information about how she has a piece of the wall as a souvenir because her husband was there and got her the piece.
Overall, Captive is an interesting enough look at NXIVM and compiles most of the information currently available since the trail is set for October 1, 2018, if I’m not mistaken. I’d honestly recommend listening to the CBC’s podcast over reading the book if you’re interesting in learning more about NXIVM.
I mistakenly went into this book with different expectations than the book was so clearly touting. I was expecting the focus to be on Oxenberg’s daughter. However, Captive focuses on Oxenberg’s own personal struggles with the cult itself, loosing her daughter, and, finally, doing everything in her power to destroy it. With that being said, Captive focuses on Oxenberg’s journey rather than the inner workings of the cult and her daughter’s experience. This is apparent in the explanation of the cult and how it works. Had I not listening to the first two episodes of the CBC’s Uncover: Escaping NXIVM I would have been completely lost.
The writing within the book is horrible. The narrative is erratic as is jumps all other the place, even within a few paragraphs on the same page. Oxenberg goes on irrelevant tangents and name-drops a lot in some weird effort to demonstrate how connected and powerful she is. The best example is when she compares the cult to the Berlin Wall and how it eventually fell. A decent enough metaphor, but Oxenberg follows it up with information about how she has a piece of the wall as a souvenir because her husband was there and got her the piece.
Overall, Captive is an interesting enough look at NXIVM and compiles most of the information currently available since the trail is set for October 1, 2018, if I’m not mistaken. I’d honestly recommend listening to the CBC’s podcast over reading the book if you’re interesting in learning more about NXIVM.
August 21, 2018
Yes, this book is an incredible expose of the craziness of the NXIVM cult, and yes, there are things in here to make your jaw drop open, but ultimately what is so powerful about this book is how one mother did anything and everything to bring her daughter back from the brink.
August 30, 2018
Catherine Oxenberg, actress, previously starred in Dynasty as the character Amanda Carrington. She decides in 2011 to attend a Nxium seminar with her oldest daughter, India, not realizing that this will change their lives forever. Little did they know that this supposed self-help organization turned out to be a full-blown cult, and her daughter becomes very deeply involved in it. As her daughter drifts further away from Catherine and their family, Catherine becomes horrified when she finds out what is really going on in this secret cult and tries to rescue her daughter, to no avail, as she is already brainwashed.
Keith, the cult's designer and leader, turns the women into "slaves" and they are overseen by "masters". Punishments are brutal if the women do not follow orders. They are also put on starvation diets and branded (yes! you read that correctly).
You really feel the heartache this mom goes through. Her celebrity status and connections help her in investigating and trying to get her daughter back. This is a mother's worst nightmare.
This book is very educational for young impressionable minds, and is also an eye opener for parents and educators to read, as there are many details on how to find out if an organization is a cult. A very interesting read.
Keith, the cult's designer and leader, turns the women into "slaves" and they are overseen by "masters". Punishments are brutal if the women do not follow orders. They are also put on starvation diets and branded (yes! you read that correctly).
You really feel the heartache this mom goes through. Her celebrity status and connections help her in investigating and trying to get her daughter back. This is a mother's worst nightmare.
This book is very educational for young impressionable minds, and is also an eye opener for parents and educators to read, as there are many details on how to find out if an organization is a cult. A very interesting read.
September 23, 2019
I wanted to like this book because I love stories about people being rescued from cults. And I just read a timely piece in People magazine about this "religion" called Nxivm, so I knew it was a real thing. But I just couldn't finish it because the author is so deluded. She keeps describing the cult as being sexist and ridiculous. She is critical of every aspect of the lessons she is taught and the classes she takes. She describes herself as constantly objecting to the theories being pushed. And then she ends every portion of the book saying, "so then I took the next level of courses" and "so then I recruited my husband and his children". And she starts out the book telling the reader about how her daughter was branded (literally) by the cult. Creepy stuff but the narrator is unbelievable---she's either lying then or she's lying now, or a combination of both. In any event, an unreliable narrator is not a good thing in a nonfiction work.
August 28, 2018
Without a doubt the cult is a fascinating story, but you won't get much more than what the gossip sites have told you already here. Instead we get the author almost trying to defend herself for her daughter joining.
August 20, 2018
I picked this book up because I'd seen bits of the 20/20 piece on Nxivm and was shocked by Allison Mack's participation in it. My heart goes out to the author and her daughter, and their story made me sick to my stomach, but the book itself was...erratic? It seemed to jump around a lot, so much so that I couldn't follow the timeframe in which many events occurred. It was a bit confusing. I'm glad Ms. Oxenberg got her story out there because it's an important one, but the book was just okay.
July 1, 2019
The writing is good but it's the story that earns this book 5 stars.
November 16, 2020
More details than some of the other books on this topic have given, and better writing. This story is so nuts, and I applaud the author’s effort to free her daughter from Nxivm.
October 22, 2018
I kind of waffled on how to review this book, primarily because I found Catherine Oxenberg so frustrating and annoying. Eventually I just came to the conclusion that this is who she is, a woman who comes from a life of privilege and doesn't necessarily have the same kind of common sense that the rest of the world has. What follows below are spoilers:
1) Catherine talks about her history of signing up for self improvement/new age/religious classes and workshops over the course of her lifetime. She doesn't view this as anything unusual and as she has the money to throw at them, she sees it as a legitimate way to spend her time and resources. To each his/her own. HOWEVER! She signs her whole family up for the Nxivm courses, and even when she suspects that they may be in a cult, she keeps paying for her impressionable daughter to attend because she doesn't want to make her upset. WTF?
2) Time and time again, she doesn't challenge the insane things that this cult is teaching her daughter because she doesn't want to challenge her young daughter's beliefs or make her upset. Apparently India is some kind of fragile creature and not actually a child that needs parenting. Meanwhile, Catherine is off trying to get projects off the ground for herself that never reach fruition and appears to be more worried about that.
3) Catherine and her husband are in two entirely different countries and the children are at home with nannies when her husband tells her he wants a divorce. What?
4) Catherine spends a lot of time talking about herself, and her lineage, and her work, and all the famous people she knows. Ugh.
5) When India turns 21 and is given her inheritance, Catherine STILL doesn't bring up the fact that maybe India should not give all of her money to the cult. Guess where all the money goes? Yep, to the cult. Her entire inheritance. At what point did Catherine decide that being a friend was more important than being a parent?
6) When shit hits the fan and she finds out that not only has India been branded, but she is also a sex slave/master, then Catherine decides to take action. Finally. Catherine takes time to mention that while she is out disrupting the plans of Nxvim and DOS, she also takes in Broadway shows, shops, and takes lots of selfies. Again, what?
7) Catherine mentions that it is during one of her facials that she finds out that her Keith Raniere has been arrested. I guess I find this too much. Or maybe it's not? I don't know that I would be able to function on a day-to-day basis if my child was wrapped up in a cult where they were branded and starved and forced into sex slavery, but maybe the uber-rich are just different. Maybe functioning means seeing Broadway shows and shopping and facials. I just don't know.
So maybe I'm being too hard on Catherine Oxenberg. I don't know her life. It's clearly very different from my own, and from the lives of most of us. I do know that if I accidentally got my child involved in a cult, I wouldn't keep paying for them to attend because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Catherine is lucky she had access to the resources she did, access that the average person does not, or else she may have never been able to expose this cult. It would have been better for her and her daughter and the many women her daughter dragged into Nxvim/DOS if she had gotten her away from it before, but what's done is done. If nothing else, I hope this book provides more awareness to people about what cults look like from the outside. They can (and do) appeal to successful people from all walks of life. They are manipulative and prey on the human need to improve one's self.
1) Catherine talks about her history of signing up for self improvement/new age/religious classes and workshops over the course of her lifetime. She doesn't view this as anything unusual and as she has the money to throw at them, she sees it as a legitimate way to spend her time and resources. To each his/her own. HOWEVER! She signs her whole family up for the Nxivm courses, and even when she suspects that they may be in a cult, she keeps paying for her impressionable daughter to attend because she doesn't want to make her upset. WTF?
2) Time and time again, she doesn't challenge the insane things that this cult is teaching her daughter because she doesn't want to challenge her young daughter's beliefs or make her upset. Apparently India is some kind of fragile creature and not actually a child that needs parenting. Meanwhile, Catherine is off trying to get projects off the ground for herself that never reach fruition and appears to be more worried about that.
3) Catherine and her husband are in two entirely different countries and the children are at home with nannies when her husband tells her he wants a divorce. What?
4) Catherine spends a lot of time talking about herself, and her lineage, and her work, and all the famous people she knows. Ugh.
5) When India turns 21 and is given her inheritance, Catherine STILL doesn't bring up the fact that maybe India should not give all of her money to the cult. Guess where all the money goes? Yep, to the cult. Her entire inheritance. At what point did Catherine decide that being a friend was more important than being a parent?
6) When shit hits the fan and she finds out that not only has India been branded, but she is also a sex slave/master, then Catherine decides to take action. Finally. Catherine takes time to mention that while she is out disrupting the plans of Nxvim and DOS, she also takes in Broadway shows, shops, and takes lots of selfies. Again, what?
7) Catherine mentions that it is during one of her facials that she finds out that her Keith Raniere has been arrested. I guess I find this too much. Or maybe it's not? I don't know that I would be able to function on a day-to-day basis if my child was wrapped up in a cult where they were branded and starved and forced into sex slavery, but maybe the uber-rich are just different. Maybe functioning means seeing Broadway shows and shopping and facials. I just don't know.
So maybe I'm being too hard on Catherine Oxenberg. I don't know her life. It's clearly very different from my own, and from the lives of most of us. I do know that if I accidentally got my child involved in a cult, I wouldn't keep paying for them to attend because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. Catherine is lucky she had access to the resources she did, access that the average person does not, or else she may have never been able to expose this cult. It would have been better for her and her daughter and the many women her daughter dragged into Nxvim/DOS if she had gotten her away from it before, but what's done is done. If nothing else, I hope this book provides more awareness to people about what cults look like from the outside. They can (and do) appeal to successful people from all walks of life. They are manipulative and prey on the human need to improve one's self.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 26, 2020
An unreliable narrator who needed more time, therapy, and perspective before writing this.
As someone who lived close to the NXIVM cult and followed the story on the group before it became national news, I was highly interested in reading this book.
But through chapter after chapter, we hear about the author becoming enmeshed in this cult while completely denying her level of enmeshment. "Red flags went off for me," she claims. "I could see right away that Keith was gross and cross-eyed." And "Obviously, I rebelled againsy this anti-feminist teaching, and immediately went out to buy feminist books to fight against them." Or "I didn't believe any of it, but had already paid for the year, so I traveled to Mexico, New York, etc. and took every class they had."
I am paraphrasing, but it is tedious and annoying. This woman was very obviously completely enthralled by this cult. She spent time, money, and other resources on them, and ignored any warning signs because she wanted to be "open-minded to the journey of becoming a better self."
The truth is that Oxenberg spent her entire life dabbling in New Age nonsense (which she excuses as being a "searcher"). And this lack of discernment and direction led both her and her daughter to a very dangerous cult. After becoming indoctrinated, the author attempts to recruit her husband, her mother, and several others... all in protest of course.
She is truly the one responsible for what happened to her daughter. Her lack of personal responsibility, accountability, and self-awareness drip off of every page.
There is also a strange mixture of low self-esteem and narcissism here. This is not unusual for celebrities of Oxenberg's type, but solipsism does not make for great reading. I wish someone else had told this story.
I truly hope that the author and her daughter can completely heal, but I think it will take time and spiritual guidance I doubt they will ever have. This is the story of two truly broken people, who despite their privilege have no happiness.
As someone who lived close to the NXIVM cult and followed the story on the group before it became national news, I was highly interested in reading this book.
But through chapter after chapter, we hear about the author becoming enmeshed in this cult while completely denying her level of enmeshment. "Red flags went off for me," she claims. "I could see right away that Keith was gross and cross-eyed." And "Obviously, I rebelled againsy this anti-feminist teaching, and immediately went out to buy feminist books to fight against them." Or "I didn't believe any of it, but had already paid for the year, so I traveled to Mexico, New York, etc. and took every class they had."
I am paraphrasing, but it is tedious and annoying. This woman was very obviously completely enthralled by this cult. She spent time, money, and other resources on them, and ignored any warning signs because she wanted to be "open-minded to the journey of becoming a better self."
The truth is that Oxenberg spent her entire life dabbling in New Age nonsense (which she excuses as being a "searcher"). And this lack of discernment and direction led both her and her daughter to a very dangerous cult. After becoming indoctrinated, the author attempts to recruit her husband, her mother, and several others... all in protest of course.
She is truly the one responsible for what happened to her daughter. Her lack of personal responsibility, accountability, and self-awareness drip off of every page.
There is also a strange mixture of low self-esteem and narcissism here. This is not unusual for celebrities of Oxenberg's type, but solipsism does not make for great reading. I wish someone else had told this story.
I truly hope that the author and her daughter can completely heal, but I think it will take time and spiritual guidance I doubt they will ever have. This is the story of two truly broken people, who despite their privilege have no happiness.
October 1, 2018
I have always been interested in how people get drawn into cults, why they can't see what they are! This was pretty much the same as others I have read about except that India's mother, Catherine Oxenberg and her father were also involved for a while. Catherine felt the bad vibes first, pulled away and tried to make India see the light - didn't work, but she would not give up trying to make her see the truth of the pseudo guru, Keith Raniere (Vanguard) even after he has stripped her of her fortune along with millions from the Bronfman sisters - heiresses of the Seagram fortune. But, Catherine's mother Princess Elizabeth from Belgrade was the true heroine of the story as she supported her daughter through the ordeal of bringing the cult down and always being there for her daughter and granddaughter, India.
I had to read more about Nxivm and Dos - sleezy group including Allison Mack of Smallsville fame, Emiliano Salinas son of the former president of Mexico, and Nancy Salzman! This led me to a series of podcasts about the cult, very interesting. I still can't understand the phenomena of these victims falling under the influence of these "charismatic" characters as they follow them down the rabbit hole!
I had to read more about Nxivm and Dos - sleezy group including Allison Mack of Smallsville fame, Emiliano Salinas son of the former president of Mexico, and Nancy Salzman! This led me to a series of podcasts about the cult, very interesting. I still can't understand the phenomena of these victims falling under the influence of these "charismatic" characters as they follow them down the rabbit hole!
January 15, 2019
Very interesting read. Well written and easy to follow. It just happened in 2018 so fresh and current!
December 5, 2018
I give five stars because it was truly enjoyable (ehhh... enjoyable? More like fascinating) to listen to, and I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. I recommend the audiobook, to hear in the authors own words and voice (plus the gorgeous accent is quite a treat). I wish some books could have six stars, because that would make my FIVE stars here make more sense. I don't think it's a 6-star book (Great work of literature), nor do I think it's a 4-star book.
It's well-researched and well-written.
I am a former member of a sex cult. I wouldn't consider it a sex cult anymore, but it was a sex cult when my ancestors joined it approximately 175 years ago. I am a "sixth generation" Mormon on both sides, something that my parents and most family members are very proud of. In fact, my ancestor was a polygamist, and I am a "second wife descendant."
The Mormon church was actually exposed many times in the 1800s by former cult members (defectors, or as they call it "apostates"). Joseph Smith died in a jail where he had been placed because he had broken the law by burning down a printing press--the printing press which was printing damning and exposing information about his cult. He had been mobbed other times as a result of his trying to proposition young girls for sex and "marriage," and their families finding out. He had stolen much of his religion from the Masons, and his last words to the mob attacking him were in fact "Oh Lord, My God" (the entire secret Masonic cry for help being "O Lord, my God! is there no help for the widow's son?"). If he had not been shot, he would have completed the cry.
Because he died, and his successor, Brigham Young, took the Saints to Utah, completely isolated from normal society, the Mormon church grew and grew as its own world, with little interference. Entire generations were raised in isolation -- much like Keith Raniere planned to raise generations isolated in Albany, New York. (there is a reason that people often leave cults after they move to populated, liberal areas).
Hopefully it is clear by now that one major reason I found this book fascinating was that I could draw MANY parallels with Joseph Smith, and other cult leaders. They are really all the same! I wish people would wake up and see that (I still have many friend and families in "the cult").
Here are some parallels between early Mormonism and NXIVM:
-Sexual exploitation and secretive polygamy or polyamory
-Manipulation of minds
-Leader is very charismatic and highly narcissistic
-Members do labor and recruitment for free
-Members pay to be invovled
-Diets are restricted
-Cult isolates members from friends and family
-Members are "tested" for compliance, and then exploited when they prove to be compliant
-Members show signs of brainwashing and refusal to accept the truth, even when leaders are incarcerated
-Members change their stories; after being threatened or manipulated into compliance, they will later say that it was entirely their choice
-Relationship between group and member is like an abusive romantic relationship
-Obsession or worship of the leader
-Doctrines or principals begin as sensible and empowering to hook people, but eventually escalate (or degrade) to nonsensical, dangerous, and deceitful. At this point members are used to molding principals into their worldview, because they were given that world view.
-Defectors (apostates) are regarded as terrible people, and their names are trampled on.
-Members are encouraged to avoid interacting with ex-members
-Members are discouraged from seeking outside information about the group
-Leader doesn't follow the same rules he assigns to his followers/slaves (Example: starvation diet in NXIVM, or rules about polygamy in Mormonism)
-Followers are taught exact obedience, regardless if it seems wrong or not
-Followers are encouraged to sacrifice, even their lives "if necessary"
-Members are required to keep secrets (Even from each other)
-Group leader desires more and more control, power, and sex as he gains power
-Group leader is a WHITE MALE (lol.... but seriously, what is the deal with white males?)
Oh wait... am I just describing every cult and church ever?!
I guarantee that if we could travel back in time and examine every large church of today, it started as some variation of a cult. Just because time has passed, and churches have evolved to maintain their non-profit status, it does not mean they are good organizations. They still lie about their histories to keep members in. It is not okay. Lying for the Lord? Not fucking okay.
Leaving the cult of Mormonism made me realize how every religion is formed, and I will never unsee it. God is not real, Christ is not real, and we should trust ourselves. I can see how religion is valuable to some people, but you just have to be so aware of groupthink. If you want to believe in God or Jesus Christ or anyone else, fine, but do not trust ANY group (especially if they ask you for money). I mean ANY GROUP. Unless you know the leaders intimately, or are the leader yourself and have good intentions, you can not truly know. Be aware of the tiny steps of manipulation that lead you deeper and deeper.
I have one criticism of the book, in light of the above. The mother and author is NOT blameless. I know that it might cause excruciating pain for her to acknowledge this. No, it's not her fault that her daughter was susceptible to mind control and got SO involved in the group. But it IS her responsibility to teach her child critical thinking. Instead, she taught her mysticism and taught her to seek enlightenment through gurus and business groups and diets and all KINDS of things. Yes, that part is her fault. She set her daughter up for this. I have no doubt that her intentions were good, but this is why religion is so dangerous.
I was that susceptible girl, and I didn't give my faith enough skepticism, and it left longterm scars and blindness and brainwashing. I finally was able to get out. Utah has the highest suicide rate in the nation. Why do you think that is? RELIGION. The oppressive nature of the Mormon church. Sure, some people do not take things TOO seriously, and they are happy and balanced. However, it has put vulnerable people into a situation where they're told they are wrong and need to change (like the LGBTQ community, or people who masturbate--aka everyone, heaven forbid!, or children in danger of pedophiles, or women who are feminist and being shut down). This is the MODERN church. It makes me cry when I read about the early church and the manipulation of those individuals.
So mother, please admit to your side of the fault. It sucks, and it's painful, but it's true. Don't beat yourself up about it. But consider what part religion and groupthink and teaching your daughter to try and try and try until she believes or try and try and try until she feels something played in her joining a cult. Once someone has that "spiritual experience" or "emotional experience" it is nearly impossible for them to be convinced that the group is false. Look it up. It's true for nearly every group. "We are the way. We are the truth. We are the one. Say it until you believe it."
TEACH your children about groups, groupthink, and to be aware who they are trusting. TEACH them to know an abusive relationship when it's in front of them (romantic, business, religious, etc). TEACH your children to trust themselves and to listen to a variety of sources - news, family, friends, insiders, outsiders, and especially professionals (professionals OUTSIDE the group).
I recommend this book to everyone, because it's interesting, well-written, and eye-opening. Humans are grouping creatures. That's normal. But individuals (especially narcissistic ones) have learned how to exploit that desire and instinct. Be aware. Be well.
Sending love and healing to all who are or have been involved in a high demand group.
It's well-researched and well-written.
I am a former member of a sex cult. I wouldn't consider it a sex cult anymore, but it was a sex cult when my ancestors joined it approximately 175 years ago. I am a "sixth generation" Mormon on both sides, something that my parents and most family members are very proud of. In fact, my ancestor was a polygamist, and I am a "second wife descendant."
The Mormon church was actually exposed many times in the 1800s by former cult members (defectors, or as they call it "apostates"). Joseph Smith died in a jail where he had been placed because he had broken the law by burning down a printing press--the printing press which was printing damning and exposing information about his cult. He had been mobbed other times as a result of his trying to proposition young girls for sex and "marriage," and their families finding out. He had stolen much of his religion from the Masons, and his last words to the mob attacking him were in fact "Oh Lord, My God" (the entire secret Masonic cry for help being "O Lord, my God! is there no help for the widow's son?"). If he had not been shot, he would have completed the cry.
Because he died, and his successor, Brigham Young, took the Saints to Utah, completely isolated from normal society, the Mormon church grew and grew as its own world, with little interference. Entire generations were raised in isolation -- much like Keith Raniere planned to raise generations isolated in Albany, New York. (there is a reason that people often leave cults after they move to populated, liberal areas).
Hopefully it is clear by now that one major reason I found this book fascinating was that I could draw MANY parallels with Joseph Smith, and other cult leaders. They are really all the same! I wish people would wake up and see that (I still have many friend and families in "the cult").
Here are some parallels between early Mormonism and NXIVM:
-Sexual exploitation and secretive polygamy or polyamory
-Manipulation of minds
-Leader is very charismatic and highly narcissistic
-Members do labor and recruitment for free
-Members pay to be invovled
-Diets are restricted
-Cult isolates members from friends and family
-Members are "tested" for compliance, and then exploited when they prove to be compliant
-Members show signs of brainwashing and refusal to accept the truth, even when leaders are incarcerated
-Members change their stories; after being threatened or manipulated into compliance, they will later say that it was entirely their choice
-Relationship between group and member is like an abusive romantic relationship
-Obsession or worship of the leader
-Doctrines or principals begin as sensible and empowering to hook people, but eventually escalate (or degrade) to nonsensical, dangerous, and deceitful. At this point members are used to molding principals into their worldview, because they were given that world view.
-Defectors (apostates) are regarded as terrible people, and their names are trampled on.
-Members are encouraged to avoid interacting with ex-members
-Members are discouraged from seeking outside information about the group
-Leader doesn't follow the same rules he assigns to his followers/slaves (Example: starvation diet in NXIVM, or rules about polygamy in Mormonism)
-Followers are taught exact obedience, regardless if it seems wrong or not
-Followers are encouraged to sacrifice, even their lives "if necessary"
-Members are required to keep secrets (Even from each other)
-Group leader desires more and more control, power, and sex as he gains power
-Group leader is a WHITE MALE (lol.... but seriously, what is the deal with white males?)
Oh wait... am I just describing every cult and church ever?!
I guarantee that if we could travel back in time and examine every large church of today, it started as some variation of a cult. Just because time has passed, and churches have evolved to maintain their non-profit status, it does not mean they are good organizations. They still lie about their histories to keep members in. It is not okay. Lying for the Lord? Not fucking okay.
Leaving the cult of Mormonism made me realize how every religion is formed, and I will never unsee it. God is not real, Christ is not real, and we should trust ourselves. I can see how religion is valuable to some people, but you just have to be so aware of groupthink. If you want to believe in God or Jesus Christ or anyone else, fine, but do not trust ANY group (especially if they ask you for money). I mean ANY GROUP. Unless you know the leaders intimately, or are the leader yourself and have good intentions, you can not truly know. Be aware of the tiny steps of manipulation that lead you deeper and deeper.
I have one criticism of the book, in light of the above. The mother and author is NOT blameless. I know that it might cause excruciating pain for her to acknowledge this. No, it's not her fault that her daughter was susceptible to mind control and got SO involved in the group. But it IS her responsibility to teach her child critical thinking. Instead, she taught her mysticism and taught her to seek enlightenment through gurus and business groups and diets and all KINDS of things. Yes, that part is her fault. She set her daughter up for this. I have no doubt that her intentions were good, but this is why religion is so dangerous.
I was that susceptible girl, and I didn't give my faith enough skepticism, and it left longterm scars and blindness and brainwashing. I finally was able to get out. Utah has the highest suicide rate in the nation. Why do you think that is? RELIGION. The oppressive nature of the Mormon church. Sure, some people do not take things TOO seriously, and they are happy and balanced. However, it has put vulnerable people into a situation where they're told they are wrong and need to change (like the LGBTQ community, or people who masturbate--aka everyone, heaven forbid!, or children in danger of pedophiles, or women who are feminist and being shut down). This is the MODERN church. It makes me cry when I read about the early church and the manipulation of those individuals.
So mother, please admit to your side of the fault. It sucks, and it's painful, but it's true. Don't beat yourself up about it. But consider what part religion and groupthink and teaching your daughter to try and try and try until she believes or try and try and try until she feels something played in her joining a cult. Once someone has that "spiritual experience" or "emotional experience" it is nearly impossible for them to be convinced that the group is false. Look it up. It's true for nearly every group. "We are the way. We are the truth. We are the one. Say it until you believe it."
TEACH your children about groups, groupthink, and to be aware who they are trusting. TEACH them to know an abusive relationship when it's in front of them (romantic, business, religious, etc). TEACH your children to trust themselves and to listen to a variety of sources - news, family, friends, insiders, outsiders, and especially professionals (professionals OUTSIDE the group).
I recommend this book to everyone, because it's interesting, well-written, and eye-opening. Humans are grouping creatures. That's normal. But individuals (especially narcissistic ones) have learned how to exploit that desire and instinct. Be aware. Be well.
Sending love and healing to all who are or have been involved in a high demand group.
March 26, 2021
One star off for describing a certain woman as, "...a prettier Reese Witherspoon." First of all, have you ever seen Reese Witherspoon (she's gorgeous)? Second of all... mean-spirited.
Another star off for Catherine Oxenberg's continual focus on herself in the entire first half of the book: her superiority to everyone else, how she hates the cult and sees right through it from the start but somehow still recruits her whole family, and how awesome and fearless she is for fighting Nxivm. I barely made it through this half of the book. My eyes rolled sooooo often.
Three stars awarded for the second half of the book, which actually focuses primarily on the legal battles to expose this gross cult and the process many ex-slaves go through as they "see the light" and get free.
Not my favorite book, but I learned a few things.
Another star off for Catherine Oxenberg's continual focus on herself in the entire first half of the book: her superiority to everyone else, how she hates the cult and sees right through it from the start but somehow still recruits her whole family, and how awesome and fearless she is for fighting Nxivm. I barely made it through this half of the book. My eyes rolled sooooo often.
Three stars awarded for the second half of the book, which actually focuses primarily on the legal battles to expose this gross cult and the process many ex-slaves go through as they "see the light" and get free.
Not my favorite book, but I learned a few things.
March 2, 2019
I was very disappointed with this book. I felt it was poorly written and the author spends too much time speaking of herself, her accomplishments, roles she has played, family history and privilege etc.
The only reason I kept reading is because of an acquaintance of mine... I feel she is certainly on the brink of something “cultish” and this book was a “mirror” image of some things I have heard her say. So, I continued for curiosity sake.
Catherine starts the book as a crusade for her daughter but I truly felt it was more of her biography. I don’t doubt her love for India but it was a poorly written book at best with an undertone of a good story. Perhaps a ghost writer could have done this more justice.
I also think at the end of the day she introduced her child and her husband to all of this. Yes she walked away but she is responsible for India’s involvement and introduction to that lifestyle. It makes it incredibly hard for me as a mother to feel empathy for her when she brought her young, vulnerable and impressionable daughter into that world. Catherine not only introduced her but continued to pay for courses and support that lifestyle for a long period of time.
Perhaps she feels that writing a book vindicates her from her responsibility. To me, it does not.
The only reason I kept reading is because of an acquaintance of mine... I feel she is certainly on the brink of something “cultish” and this book was a “mirror” image of some things I have heard her say. So, I continued for curiosity sake.
Catherine starts the book as a crusade for her daughter but I truly felt it was more of her biography. I don’t doubt her love for India but it was a poorly written book at best with an undertone of a good story. Perhaps a ghost writer could have done this more justice.
I also think at the end of the day she introduced her child and her husband to all of this. Yes she walked away but she is responsible for India’s involvement and introduction to that lifestyle. It makes it incredibly hard for me as a mother to feel empathy for her when she brought her young, vulnerable and impressionable daughter into that world. Catherine not only introduced her but continued to pay for courses and support that lifestyle for a long period of time.
Perhaps she feels that writing a book vindicates her from her responsibility. To me, it does not.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Currently reading
February 5, 2019I listened to this book as an audiobook which was narrated by the author. This choice to have Catherine Oxenberg narrate her own memoir was an inspired one.
I doubt that any professional narrator could have done a better job than Catherine did.
The reason I think this is because Catherine was narrating events of such emotionally charged incidents that as a mother, she could not help but infuse the words with a depth of emotion that no one who had not experienced them would be able to convey the emotions as well as she could.
A 5 Star Audiobook and one that I highly recommend to everyone living in North America. The cult of NXIVM is exposed in this book and people need to know that these groups still exist in the world today and that cults are NOT a thing of the past.
I doubt that any professional narrator could have done a better job than Catherine did.
The reason I think this is because Catherine was narrating events of such emotionally charged incidents that as a mother, she could not help but infuse the words with a depth of emotion that no one who had not experienced them would be able to convey the emotions as well as she could.
A 5 Star Audiobook and one that I highly recommend to everyone living in North America. The cult of NXIVM is exposed in this book and people need to know that these groups still exist in the world today and that cults are NOT a thing of the past.
January 22, 2019
When I first started listening I felt like I was watching the Scientology show with Leah Remini. Not that they sound anything alike, but how this cult uses classes to better yourself or for business, but you have to pay to level up, just like moving up the bridge in Scientology.
This must have been a terrifying experience for Catherine Oxenberg. I did quite a bit of research and wrote a paper for school showing that gangs and cults are very similar in recruiting and the family aspect. I have also counselled sexual assault survivors, so this brought back some memories from that time.
I just read that India had left the cult and was rebuilding her relationship with her family. I would really like to hear her story also.
This must have been a terrifying experience for Catherine Oxenberg. I did quite a bit of research and wrote a paper for school showing that gangs and cults are very similar in recruiting and the family aspect. I have also counselled sexual assault survivors, so this brought back some memories from that time.
I just read that India had left the cult and was rebuilding her relationship with her family. I would really like to hear her story also.
August 23, 2019
I love books about cults, and this one is extra-special because Nxivm was born and bred in New York!
What's great about this books is that Oxenberg started attending Nxivm meetings with her daughter, India, but then decided it was just too weird, so you get the inside perspective as well as the story of a mother trying to save her child.
What's great about this books is that Oxenberg started attending Nxivm meetings with her daughter, India, but then decided it was just too weird, so you get the inside perspective as well as the story of a mother trying to save her child.
May 10, 2019
I’m not really a fan of this book, sad to say. It starts off slowly and meanders off in unrelated directions. By the time we actually began to “rescue her daughter from the cult” I was tiring of the whole story. The story does pick up near the end.
I wish the victims of this cult a safe and happy future, but I won’t be recommending this book.
I wish the victims of this cult a safe and happy future, but I won’t be recommending this book.
August 25, 2019
I read this book as research for a book I’m writing about a self-help cult, but I really enjoyed it. It’s easy to read and well worth it to get some of the inside scoop on exactly how Nexivm progressed in its brainwashing. I wish her daughter would write one.
I couldn’t put it down.
I couldn’t put it down.
September 26, 2019
Having heard about Nxivm cult, and the fact that some B list Hollywood types were involved an accused of sex trafficking, slavery, branding etc. I was interested in hearing more about the story.
Some of the other reviews complain about Catherine Oxenberg talking too much about her royal pedigree, wealth, privilege and herself really--but I think it is important to the story, as with any cult or made up religion they seek these type of people to lend credibility (and money) to their organization and recruit other people looking for "enlightenment". (i.e. Scientology)
According to the book Catherine's whole life has really been a search for enlightenment, spirituality, and getting in touch with her inner self, for whatever reason which is what lead her to Nxivm. Personally, I would like to think that I would see beyond some of the ridiculousness of what she witnessed and paid and would have walked away long before anyone got sucked in. Unfortunately, she did not and her daughter was sucked in.
Her daughter, brainwashed, and basically a foot soldier/slave holder/trainer for the head of this cult leader Keith Ranieri this is the story of authors struggles to bring attention to and bring down the cult and to get her daughter out.
The book was longer than it could have been, but ultimately with Catherine's perseverance and tenacity she was able to rally the right people, prosecutors and press to bring this cult down.
Not a particularly great read unless you have some mild interest in the subject matter. It is interesting to hear first hand about the efforts and effects of brainwashing and it really all does sound very similar to Scientology.
Some of the other reviews complain about Catherine Oxenberg talking too much about her royal pedigree, wealth, privilege and herself really--but I think it is important to the story, as with any cult or made up religion they seek these type of people to lend credibility (and money) to their organization and recruit other people looking for "enlightenment". (i.e. Scientology)
According to the book Catherine's whole life has really been a search for enlightenment, spirituality, and getting in touch with her inner self, for whatever reason which is what lead her to Nxivm. Personally, I would like to think that I would see beyond some of the ridiculousness of what she witnessed and paid and would have walked away long before anyone got sucked in. Unfortunately, she did not and her daughter was sucked in.
Her daughter, brainwashed, and basically a foot soldier/slave holder/trainer for the head of this cult leader Keith Ranieri this is the story of authors struggles to bring attention to and bring down the cult and to get her daughter out.
The book was longer than it could have been, but ultimately with Catherine's perseverance and tenacity she was able to rally the right people, prosecutors and press to bring this cult down.
Not a particularly great read unless you have some mild interest in the subject matter. It is interesting to hear first hand about the efforts and effects of brainwashing and it really all does sound very similar to Scientology.
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