It's only the first week of January, but I already know this book will make it to my worst books of the year list. I didn't even have high expectations going into it, after having rated another book by the author two stars last year, but it was still so much worse than I could have anticipated. This review is probably going to be all over the place because I have three pages of notes and can't be bothered to structure them, especially since this book has wasted way too much of my time already.
Usually I would start saying something positive about the book, but there genuinly was nothing I liked. At first I was hoping the roadtrip aspect would be good, so it would give me the feeling of travelling around Europe, but it definitely didn't deliver on that. There were also a couple of pages where I thought the love interest was quite decent, but soon I ended up hating her too.
The prologue of this book was already extremely disgusting. Basically the father of our main character offers her boyfriend money, a house and a car if he marries her and has two children with her soon (while literally using the word "breed" to refer to humans having children). And Gabe (the boyfriend) agrees to that. So obviously I was expecting this to be the big thing that would make Freya break up with Gabe once she learns about it, but in the end it was barely even a part of the reason for their breakup, so them making decisions about Freyas future without her knowledge and going against the things they know she wants never really had any repercussions.
I don't think I've ever read a sapphic book that reads so heterosexual. What I mean by that is that there was this certain kind of judgemental tone with a lot of gender stereotyping and really weird views on relationships that I usually only see in books by straight authors about straight characters. And when I say a lot of gender stereotyping, I truly mean A LOT. It started with "she just wasn't prone to whimsy short-term thinking like most women" in the prologue and then went on to talk about how all women like to gossip or how all men are staring at the love interest or how men always make a woman the center of their life and that's why women have power over them or some shit like this. Like, how does that make sense in general, let alone in a sapphic story? Unsurprisinlg with quotes like this this book was also forcing the gender binary really hard.
Freya herself is the most judgemental person ever, and if that gets slightly better throughout the book then only because as the story went on her personality got flatter and flatter. She also has the worst jealousy issues, she keeps thinking about having to keep her boyfriend away from every beautiful girl she sees. Even knowing Gabe and Freya wouldn't end up together, I couldn't ship Freya with anyone after that, because how is she supposed to have a healthy relationship with any person when she clearly has some huge trust issues to work through first.
The way the love interest seemed to only be described in a sexual way was quite uncomfortable to me as well. The book spent so much time talking about her boobs or her ass, yet after having read all of it I still don't even know her eye color or what her face looks like or how her voice sounds. The book tried making Arwen seem sexy so desperately, it forgot making her seem like a person. And having her constantly described like that plus not being able to escape the mentions of how all men are into her, had the opposite of its intented effect for me, it made me picture Arwen as the most generic person ever, or more specifically as the most generic middle aged cishet dude's fantasy, which is especially weird since this book wasn't even witten by a middle aged cishet guy. All the references to guys staring at Arwen's boobs made me very uncomfortable too, because while men often are disgusting and so it's probably realistic, it was never painted as them being creepy, but only served to make Arwen seem attractive. There even was a line that said "credit to him though, he seized the chance to ogle her cleavage", which sounds like it should have been said in a sarcastic way to call out that guy, but it wasn't.
Of course the book also had to talk about Freya "never having lived" because she only dated one guy and never did drugs. There are few things I am as sick of as I am of the narrative that not dating or not having sex equals not living.
Another thing that just drove me nuts in this book were the nicknames. Gabe's friend keeps calling Gabe "Gay Boy", although Gabe clearly is the most heterosexual person you could imagine. Like, at least give us an explanation where that name came from so it makes some sense. Gabe and Freya call each other "doctor", because they both are, you guessed it, doctors. So creative. Again, didn't feel natural and I cringed a lot reading that. And then Arwen keeps calling Freya "Vanilla", which felt condescending and not cute at all (I assume it was intended to be cute, but I really don't know). Also, not to be that person, but calling a character vanilla in a way that clearly means the person who says that is not vanilla in a book where all the sex scenes are very vanilla doesn't add up in my head.
Talking about sex scenes, the wording in them was cringe-worthy as well. I generally didn't enjoy the writing style in this book, but it especially showed in the sex scenes. They were also quite boring, but maybe that was mainly due to the fact that I didn't feel any connection between the characters to start with. To be fair, it am not super comfortable reading non m/m sex to start with, but I feel like I still can tell the difference between a sex scene I didn't care for because everything sexual that includes vaginas makes me another level of uncomfortable, and one that's genuinely not good, and this book had those of the later kind.
Another plot point that made me want to burn the book (or the kindle I guess since I read this as an ebook) was when Dan and Gabe went to jail because Gabe literally attacked a romani child that stole his money or attempted to steal his money. A literal child! He keeps calling that child the g-word and is proud that he probably broke his fingers. And Freya doesn't find it disgusting in the slightest that he would say those things and not for one second does she worry about the child who literally GOT HIS HAND BROKEN BY AN ADULT MAN. To make it a million times worse when he comes back from jail and Freya hugs him enthusiastically he says: "I should start assaulting more children." Again Freya doesn't have a problem with him saying that, it's just passed off as a joke. Also, having only white characters except a romani guy who's stealing money? I know I might have already overused the word disgusting in this review, but that choice was probably the most disgusting one in the entire story.
Wait, I lied, there's actually a second character of color, who again doesn't even really appear on page, she's a Brazilian woman in a music video Freya watches. And then she proceeds to call her exotic and sexualize her. Honestly I don't even know how I managed to read this entire book without throwing up even once.
To prove the point I've made earlier about Freya not being ready for a relationship, after she had sex with Arwen (while still dating Gabe) she literally pretends it didn't even happen. She doesn't even say "let's pretend we didn't do that", she literally goes like "I don't know what you're talking about, we didn't do anything, no one would believe you if you told them we had sex". Most toddlers might be more mature than this women at that point.
The chapters in Portugal were especially painful to read and that was when I realized just how much the book failed in getting across the atmosphere of the places they were travelling to. I had been disappointed by the lack of good descriptions the entire time, but once they were at places I knew, it got really obvious how the descriptions couldn't be further from doing the places they visit justice. Also, if I never have to hear someone refer to a pastel the Belém as a custard tart again it'll still be too soon.
So since we now established that this book isn't worth reading for the road trip aspect, let's move on to why it isn't worth reading for the romance either. Apart from the fact that all characters suck and I never felt a real connection between Freya and Arwen, most of the book is actually spent with Gabe and Freya. Seriously, is there even one person out there who would want to pick up a f/f romance book just to spend more than half of it reading about a straight relationship, knowing those two characters won't end up together anyway?
While the book tries to pretend it's all woke and "sexuality is fluid" and so on, other than that quote the lesbian representation read similar to how I've seen it in books published in the 90s or early 2000s. The way other characters react to Freya being attracted to women, or lesbians in general, felt like they all had extremely outdated views on sexuality or even just on relationships. And why it's definitely realistic to have people who think that way, I didn't feel like there was any reason to have so many people say those disgusting and judgmental things, especially since close to the end of the story Freya herself still has rather negative feelings about being attracted to women. And while there's definitely nothing wrong with a character being insecure about their sexuality, I want to see them become more confident and truly embrace who they are at the end of the book, especially if it's a romance novel. And you could argue that Freya did that, but not enough for me, so that I left the book having gotten an overall vibe of "lesbians are so weird and I could never be one of them". In general this book, or at least Freya, seemed to see lesbians almost as some weird different species. I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but I promise that is 100% how her way of thinking came across to me.
This book has also never heard of relationship development, be that the romance or any other relationship between two characters. There were those weird jumps where suddenly people would completely change their opinion about one another without anything in the book that would have prompted that. Just in general this seemed to skip over a lot of scenes that would have been necessary for the book to make sense. There is a point while Arwen and Freya aren't together yet, were Freya says it almost feels like being in a lesbian relationship, and it confused me so much, because for me the last couple of pages had read like they were just constantly fighting and really not getting along well at all.
As if all of that hadn't been horrible enough, Freya's disabled brother dies in the epilogue. He never even played a role in the book before, and then he was suddenly killed off in order to make Freya come back to England and bring her father, sister and sister's husband back together and to make a few people change some of their views. Which, again, was just an entirely new level of disgusting.
Overall this was easily one of the worst books I've ever read and I wish I could erase every single word of it from my brain.