An Yi was raised as the son of a famed general and grew up alongside the young Crown Prince. As a teenager, she spent years pursuing the nobleman Yan Ping, only to be repeatedly and ruthlessly rejected because he believed they were both men. When the neighboring Crown Prince, Feng Zhao Wen, visits her kingdom, he quickly discovers her secret , that she is actually a girl, and quietly falls in love with her.
Three years later, war erupts between their kingdoms. An Yi has become a respected general, but during battle she suffers a devastating head injury and is captured by the enemy. She spends six months recovering in Feng Zhao Wen's camp with no memory of who she is. Believing him to be her superior officer, she obediently follows his orders while he shamelessly takes advantage of the situation to keep her as close to his side as possible.
Eventually her memories return. By then, her kingdom has fallen, Yan Ping's father has helped betray the nation, and Feng Zhao Wen has emerged victorious. An Yi escapes with the deposed child emperor and disappears into obscurity.
For three years she struggles through extreme poverty, sacrificing everything to keep the former emperor alive. By the time the story opens, she has lost her father, her kingdom, her position, her first love- everything. She and the child emperor are captured by Yan Ping and delivered to the now-Emperor Feng Zhao Wen. Only then does Yan Ping discover that An Yi is a woman, and the realization fills him with bitter regret.
The child emperor escapes. An Yi is sent straight to the emperor's bedchamber.
And that's just Chapter One.
What truly made this story memorable is An Yi herself. She is one of the most unusual heroines I've read. Many readers describe her as muddleheaded or ridiculous, but I saw something deeper. She felt like someone carrying years of unresolved trauma.
She's endured loss after loss, spent years scraping together enough food to survive, and reached a point where survival is all that matters. She no longer cares about status, wealth, appearances, or even dignity. She wants a full stomach and another day to live. She schemes shamelessly, embarrasses herself without hesitation, and chases every opportunity for food and freedom.
Her behavior often comes across as comedic, but underneath the humor I saw exhaustion, depression, and emotional numbness. She's the kind of person who has been hurt so deeply that she's learned not to think too hard about the things that would break her heart. Her emotional intelligence was never particularly strong to begin with just look at how long she chased Yan Ping, but her eccentric actions felt believable because they were rooted in survival rather than foolishness.
What I loved most was watching her slowly heal. From the moment she reunites with Feng Zhao Wen until the final chapters, you can see her gradually recover pieces of herself. She learns how to trust again, how to feel again, and ultimately how to live rather than merely survive.
The novel is written in first person, and the story begins long after the foundation of their relationship has already been established. There is amnesia, a hero who never stops loving the heroine despite everything, a heroine who remains hilariously oblivious to his feelings, and, of course, an emperor hero who spends much of the book quietly indulging his devotion to her.
If you enjoy amnesia plots, pining heroes, emotionally damaged but lovable heroines, and relationships built on years of history, this one is worth checking out.
Tags: Amnesia, Ancient China, Beautiful Female Lead, Cross-dressing, Death of Loved Ones, Dense Protagonist, Depression, PTSD, Devoted Love Interests, Empires, Female Protagonist First-time Interc**rse, Handsome Male Lead, Imperial Harem, Love Interest Falls in Love First, Military, Naive Protagonist ,Nobles, Past Plays a Big Role, Past Trauma, Persistent Love Interests, Politics, Pregnancy, Rebellion, Royalty, Rape, Schemes And Conspiracies, Soldiers, Tragic Past, Unreliable Narrator
4/24/24 this was such a sweet silly book - with a stupid FL but I didn't blame her. First, she literally has a TBI. Second, the way she was brought up was super fucked - first, as a boy, second, by an incredibly abusive father - who loved her but man did NOT know how to be a proper parent... I'm glad she only associated her former crush with her father's death - he treated her like trash forever and it was satisfying she was like "man fuck this guy." Not only did he try to use her and play her with a beauty trap to get information, he was out flirting with another girl, and even if he didn't like that bitch and actually had feelings for FL - which he had complicated issues about thinking she was a dude... like man he really took it out on her every time. So.
And then there was ML who was in love with her but never SAID it - but with our derpy lovable FL even if he had said it I don't think she would've grokked it. She was both stupid and not. I think the author overly made her "stupid" at the beginning ... but a lot of it is also her repressing shit cuz trauma. I mean first of all, the literal physical trauma and brain injury, then the fact that her country was destroyed and overtaken ... Then her having to care for the shitty former child emperor ... 😜 I liked that he liked her and he never had a chance. Fuckhead never deserved her and was lazy the entire time they were in hiding.
I can definitely see myself re-reading this as a lighthearted silly fun thing.
C+ or B--
~*~*~*~*~*~ C27 lol I love how absolutely clueless FL is (in part not her fault cuz her wtf upbringing + those hits to the head…) plus how ML treats her ~on the surface. I’m SUPER curious as to how she ACTUALLY looks though…
C28 oof 😹😅 *fans self* ML telling FL that tonight it’s him that will be serving her in bed and he’s her person 🥵😅❤️ 😬😅 him being upset she’s regaining her memories…
C31 honestly her saving Chen’s (former) crown prince … why? Cuz patriotism? Loyalty? And oof the 2 guys reaction to the fire. That ML was going to kill her 😱 (though I think it was to force her to go down…)
C34 Aww he brought her to her home. And is trying to heal her psychological trauma. (And heal her physically…)
C37 😹😹😹☠️☠️☠️ her sending her servant to go discuss with the emperor
(Whatever chapter, I am so glad she unknowingly buried the military seal with her father)
C53 😹 I was literally 🙊🙊 when he used the dildo on her 😹💯
C58 😱 wtf assassination attempt
C63 omg so sweet FL acknowledging how ML treats her & how he’s her biggest and strongest support ❤️
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
The story is written in the female lead's POV. It tells the story of her struggles, heartbreak, and depression. She was a girl who was forced to be a boy by her father. She loved her childhood friend to the point of doing anything for him. She literally chased him despite the warnings of her father. She was naive. She thought she had a chance with him, but apparently her friend was just using her to get what he wanted. In the end, she lost her father because of him. Losing her only family and experiencing the most painful rejection from her love forced her to be unfeeling. She was already self-deprecating from the start, experiencing these things only made her think of herself as just someone who needed to just live so as not to make her father worry. It was like she loved and hated herself at the same time. She was so dense when it came to the love of the male lead because she was betrayed to the point that she believed that no one could actually love her unconditionally.
The story was also written in a humorous tone, but I think it was also kinda dark. We only knew the thoughts of the female lead and she was muddle-headed due to her depression. We didn't know what actually happened because it was her point of view. But, even in the female's POV, it could be seen that he only loved and cared for her. He helped her through her depression, although of course this was in ancient China. There were questionable acts by him, but as I said, we didn't know from a 3rd person perspective. Nonetheless, he loved her unconditionally. He waited for her to be his empress. Maybe because he too had his own struggles, he understood and was patient with her.
In general, you would laugh, cry, and experience pain for the female lead. She was a strong one for putting up with everything she had been through. This was a story of heartbreak and unconditional love.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
It was a good read. But the way it was told is a lil bit messy because of those flashback and to be honest, the extra feels like main story and main story feels like extra lol but it was a good read! Do read it yalll 😋