What a Time to Be Alone: The Slumflower's Guide to Why You Are Already Enough

by Chidera Eggerue

Sometimes it's not easy to find self-worth in a world that seems obsessed with telling us we're not good enough. Empowering, intimate and full of heart: this highly-anticipated debut book from the online sensation 'The Slumflower', aka Chidera Eggerue, the unstoppable force behind the ground-breaking movement #SAGGYBOOBSMATTER, is essential reading for all young women. It's time to take charge of your life.

In What A Time To Be Alone, The Slumflower will be your life guru, confidante and best friend. She'll show you that being alone is not just okay: it's just about the best freaking thing that's ever happened to you. As she says, 'You're bad as hell and you were made with intention.' It's about time you realised.

Peppered with insightful Igbo proverbs from Chidera's Nigerian mother and full of her own original artwork, What A Time To Be Alone will help you navigate the modern world. We can all decide our own fates and Chidera shows us how, using a three-part approach filled with sass, wisdom and charm.


Learn how to celebrate YOU - decide your self-worth, take time to heal and empower yourself in this messy world.

Don't worry about THEM - avoid other people's demons and realize that everyone is protecting themselves from something - no matter how aggressive their method.

Feel the togetherness in US - sustain and grow healthy relationships and avoid toxicity in your friendships.

Own your story. Create your own narrative. Read this book. #WATTBA

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Feminism, Audiobook, Mental Health, Personal Development, Psychology

192 pages, Hardcover

First published July 26, 2018

About the author

Chidera is featured in Sunday Times’ 2019 Top 100 Influencers list, The Evening Standard Progress 1000 most influential 2019 and BBC’s 100 Women 2018. That same year, Chidera was also awarded Cosmopolitan’s ‘Changemaker of the Year’ award. March 2018 saw Chidera host a BBC Newsbeat documentary about hair loss in young people, which raised awareness of traction alopecia (from which she suffers) and in June of the same year Chidera gave her inaugural TEDx talk, exploring the fear of being alone.

2018 was also the year that Chidera created #SAGGYBOOBSMATTER movement which quickly became a trending hashtag and led to Chidera’s appearance on ITV’s This Morning driving a new conversation regarding the way we view women’s bodies.


Chidera recently starred in her own documentary “Bring Back the Bush” that TX-ed 27th January at 10pm on Channel 4, and debuted her first live show “Chidera Eggerue: How To Get Over a Boy Live” at Earth in Hackney. The one-woman, sell-out show was part motivational TED talk, part live book reading, part audience participation, part safe space. She will be launching her podcast ‘The Slumflower Hour’ in 2021.

Reviews

[Dominique · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was ok. It was like reading a lot of inspirational quotes but didn't offer any depth. Like yeah it's cool that you're telling me to learn to take losses like a boss, but there's nothing here helping me learn how to do that. Just one example out of many other instances like that in the book.

Useful if you need affirmations, not so much if you're looking for ways to put any of it into practice in your life.

[Kerry · Rating 2 out of 5]

[Alice · Rating 2 out of 5]

Beautifully designed book, but felt a little surface level to me.

[Michelle Curie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was given to me by a friend who found strength in it herself over summer - which is enough to intrigue me. The thing with any book that can be considered self-helpish is that it will need to find you in a time where you're open and ready to not get cynical about it. And here I was!



What a Time to Be Alone is basically a book that tells you a lot of things that you probably already kind of know, but that sometimes really need to be repeated to you in order for you to fully grasp them. It's basically comfort and a hug on pages.

Chidera Eggerue (who I hadn't heard of before) writes about being your own best friend, the importance of growing healthy relationships and how to realize that some situations are hard to get out of despite being toxic. Everything about this is sweet and uplifting - from the brightly colored pages to the little Igbo proverbs that Eggerue grew up with and now presents and translates here.

"What we must understand is that people who hide their feelings are in a lot more pain than those who don't. It requires a lot of hurt and effort to silence yourself to the extent that you become used to feeling 'numb'. What a lot of people don't understand is that the more you silence your sadness, the less happiness you will be experiencing because you are narrowing the range of emotions you are allowing yourself to feel."

This book is probably directed mainly directed at teenage girls and women in their twenties and I think if you've got a friend who needs that gentle uplifting pat on the back, that might be a worthwhile little read.

[Silvia M · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love the Slumflower and follow her regularly as a social media personality.
Which is probably why I had far higher expectations on this book, which proved to be a collection of colorful, Instagram-friendly pages with no real substance to them.
The topics faced seem disconnected between each other, the advice given is useful but trivial and based on simple common sense, without any out-of-the-box, thought through or remotely deep meaning/explanation behind it. Also she doesn't really tell much of her own experience in relation to the advice she gives, so it all feels a bit empty, fairly impersonal and boring in the long run.
I stopped reading halfway.
The language is simple and does not help in getting hooked to the book.
The Igbo proverbs are by far the part I found most interesting.

[KW · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm sure for some people this'll be a balm, but this is pretty much just Pinterest motivational quotes. I wanted some guts.

[Elena Mayr · Rating 5 out of 5]

MUST READ | 5/5 ⭐️

Beendet: 06.02.2022 | Nr. 16

Ein Buch, das unglaublich wichtig ist und zeigt, von welchen Menschen wir uns distanzieren müssen, um uns selbst zu schützen.
Außerdem gibt es den Lesenden einen liebevollen Arschtritt, sich mit den eigenen Gefühlen auseinanderzusetzen und für sich selbst einzustehen.
Kann ich jedem nur ans Herz legen! 💛

[BookishKB · Rating 5 out of 5]

This One Spoke To My Soul

💛 Bookish Thoughts
This book felt like a warm hug. It’s short but powerful, and the words really hit home.

I definitely recommend the audiobook. The author narrates and it’s amazing!

✨ Favorite Quote:
“For the world, I’ll always be too much of one thing or not enough of another, but for myself I will always be enough.”

[Maria João Faria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Precisava disto 🫂

[Liv · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rating: 4 stars

"It doesn’t matter how long ago the violation was. As long as you feel as if that person doesn’t deserve contact with you, stand firm –even if they try to gaslight you by calling you ‘crazy’.
This is the last flop a fish makes before it dies.
It’s always tempting to give them a third chance based on ‘nice behaviour’, but their currently being nice to you doesn’t cancel out the particular violation that still affects you.
Put your peace of mind first."

This book doesn’t need any other explanation.
It came into my life when I needed it the most.
Thank you Sasha for this.
Thank you for being such an amazing friend 🖤.

[Martha · Rating 3 out of 5]

From online influencer, The Slumflower, this is positioned as 'essential reading for young women', a modern self-help book. To be honest, I wasn't really sure what to make of it; I'm generally cynical of the self-help genre so was a little out of my comfort zone. If we put aside the absence of page numbers (which this bookworm found strangely unsettling), here are my thoughts:

What I liked
- The colourful pages and illustrations, this book would make an excellent gift
- It's a quick and easy read, I finished it in about an hour
- The Igbo proverbs. This was a lovely connection to Eggerue's Nigerian heritage, as well as being comically bizarre in places
- I agreed with the whole premise (albeit a cliché one) about focusing on and loving oneself and not wasting your time on people who don't treat you well
- This quote particularly resonated with me - "Life is going to kick you in the balls for no reason. The key is how you deal with it. It's easier to blame yourself than it is to accept that sometimes life just needs to go wrong now for things to go well later."

What I didn't like
- Though the book is divided into three sections (You, Them, Us), I felt like the book sort of leapt from thought to thought and didn't seem to have a clear narrative.
- Because of the above, I didn't come away with a clear message beyond the above about loving oneself - which isn't particularly groundbreaking for a self-help book. I certainly didn't see Eggerue as my 'life guru, confidante and best friend'. In fact, other than the references to her background via the Igbo proverbs and a few other exceptions, I didn't really get a sense of who she was at all, which made it harder to connect to what she was saying
- Some of the Igbo proverbs were a bit random and the interpretation felt quite tenuous

All in all, mixed feelings, so 3 stars!

[Sheena · Rating 3 out of 5]

nice reminders, i think this would be good for younger girls but it didn't really give me anything new.

[Betta · Rating 4 out of 5]

This isn't for you if you're looking for something very deep. But it's a funky, feel-good, Venus vibes pick-me-up, especially if you're spending a Friday night alone. It's more art than literature. Still beautiful though.

[Darkowaa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this on Kindle; I just purchased my physical copy- it’s a must have for my bookshelf. The words, the Igbo proverbs, the illustrations and artwork must be felt and absorbed physically!

If this book was published earlier in the year (Jan 2018), it would have helped change my mindset tremendously (at the time. A rough time!). The simplicity of Chidera’s words and the way they were displayed onto the pages made the overall message of this collection quite profound. I’m grateful for her.

[Sofie Amalie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not ground-breaking but a good book.

[Monica Haak · Rating 5 out of 5]

Re-read. Still perfect xxx

[antonia · Rating 4 out of 5]

„stop falling in love with empty people and trying to fill them with you.“

this was by far the best self-help book i have ever read. usually i find these kind of books a bit too shallow and while this of course wasn't the deepest, most insightful book i have ever read, the artwork and some quotes just really hit me. i especially enjoyed the Igbo proverbs and the way the author explained them. everything just felt a bit cleverer than what these books usually do and the art style was especially my thing.

i will definitely recommend this to anyone and will probably gift it to several of my friends as well, definitely pick this up and support Black women!!

[Naomi Evans · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some nice visuals, quotes, and messages, but overly simplistic and lacking in emotional maturity/depth. Kind of flits between ‘nothing that happens to you is your fault’ and ‘everything everyone ever does is because of you’. A quick easy read in lockdown but too self-centred for me.

[Daria · Rating 2 out of 5]

i guess it‘s great if you like inspirational quotes but it wasn‘t for me. i also think it was a little heavy on the cutting-people-out-of-your-life in comparison to promoting healthy communication… seemed a bit toxic to me

[Merel Wildschut · Rating 2 out of 5]

Als je houdt van “advies podcasts” of Instagram coaches, dan is dit boek iets voor jou. Tbh, het is een beetje psychologie van de koude grond, met hier en daar een quote waarvan ik dacht: “hmm, zit iets in.”
Het boek is grafisch gezien best wel tof, vandaar de 2 sterren 😶

[Mira123 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dieses Buch wurde mir im vergangenen Semester mehrfach empfohlen, online, aber auch vor Ort von Freund:innen, die das Buch selbst gelesen haben. Der Wortlaut lautete immer so oder so ähnlich: "Das ist einfach so ein Wohlfühlbuch! So als würde die eine Freundin sagen, dass du großartig bist und alles schaffen kannst!" Hört sich für mich mal gut an, also habe ich es mir zu Beginn des letzten Lockdowns besorgt. Ich meine: Als Lockdown-Lektüre passt das einfach so gut! Auch wenn das Buch schon 2018 erschienen ist und es deswegen nicht mal ansatzweise um Pandemien geht. Eigentlich geht es hier um das Single-Leben, aber während einer Pandemie, während der soziale Kontakte unerwünscht sind und sogar gefährlich werden können, müssen wir wohl alle mehr Zeit mit uns selbst verbringen als normalerweise. Und wer weiß, wie es im Herbst weitergeht. Aktuell stimmt mich die Lage optimistisch, aber wir werden sehen, wie sich das alles entwickelt. Mit etwas Glück oder Pech (das entscheide ich dann spontan) haben wir auch dieses Jahr wieder viel Zeit daheim.

Das erste, was mir an diesem Buch aufgefallen ist, ist die Machart. Das Cover ist total bunt und so geht es drinnen auch weiter: Jede Seite ist anders gestaltet. Manche Seiten sind ganz schwarz, es gibt Seiten voll Hashtags, unterschiedliche Schriftgrößen werden verwendet, manche Buchstaben sind bunt, es gibt Zeichnungen und jede Seite ist ein kleines Kunstwerk. Auf meinen Seiten steht nur ein einzelner Satz, andere haben fast schon eine "normale" Menge an Text.

Habt ihr euch je zuvor mit nigerianischen Redewendungen und Sprichwörtern beschäftigt? Ich nicht. In diesem Buch stellt die Autorin aber den ein oder anderen schönen Spruch vor, auf Nigerianisch und Englisch. Einige davon fand ich inspirierend, andere ganz nett, bei manchen hatte ich aber leider keine Ahnung, was genau mir dieser Spruch jetzt eigentlich sagen soll. Ich schätze, dass da einfach die kulturellen und sprachlichen Unterschiede eine Rolle spielen. Vielleicht finde ich ja irgendwann die Zeit, um die genaue Bedeutung nachzuschlagen.

Dieses Buch ist sicher kein Buch, das man von Anfang bis Ende einfach durchliest. Besser ist es meiner Meinung nach, immer wieder einfach mal eine Seite aufzuschlagen und auch nur diese Seite zu lesen. Inhaltlich gefielen mir die Texte sehr gut. Die meisten von uns sind wertvolle Menschen (ausschließen möchte ich hier Menschen mit gewissen politischen Einstellungen und Menschen, die unnützen Hass verbreiten) und unser Wert ist nicht von unseren Leistungen oder von den Menschen abhängig, mit denen wir uns umgeben. Dieses Buch erinnert uns an diese Tatsache.

Mein Fazit? Ein sehr schön gestaltetes Buch darüber, warum wir jetzt schon gut genug sind.

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

My daughter and I have been reading this together and discussing it in a closed group here on Goodreads. This is SUCH a great book! I'm 50, she's nearly 30, and I'm so glad she's learning these lessons SO much earlier than I did! The book reminds those of us who already know, but sometimes forget, that we are enough, that we need not make excuses or feel bad for choices we make or for the ways in which we handle things. She (Slumflower) doesn't preach that we should be perfect, but that we should give ourselves the room we need and the time we need - provided we aren't hurting anyone (including ourselves) in the process. I would recommend the book to anyone and everyone, even though you may be old enough and wise enough to already be practicing these things, because we can all use a reminder or a nice pithy way of saying things, or we can point someone to it. It's a book about empowerment and self-love without being selfish and egotistical. It calls us all to the mat to take a look at what we're doing and why. It's a tough book. I like that. It doesn't let me whine. But it also doesn't let me beat myself up. We girls need to know this shit!

[Ngiste · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is very pretty, though the design doesn’t always translate to kindle and also makes it impossible to highlight. I wish I liked it more, because I want self help books from Black authors and I loved the use of Igbo proverbs. Mercifully, this book was brief.

While I could see this book being helpful for women at certain phases of development, I think it could also be harmful. There is some very bleak, fatalist advice. And very surface discussion of concepts. As someone who reads a fair amount about trauma, shame, guilt, self compassion etc I was surprised at how much was missing in this. Boundaries are barely explained, there is a weird moment about lowering expectations for others because they will disappoint you, which is a terrible thing to learn from disappointment, IMO.

I wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone—if they are early in a self-discovery journey this would reinforce the wrong lessons, and if they are further along this book will seem immature and uninformed.

[Alice Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

After following Eggerue on instagram, I was keen to see how her thoughts translated into a book. It’s beautifully illustrated and definitely a feel good book. Not sure about the level of depth it provides but an excellent point of reference for if you’re ever needing a reminder of ‘why you’re enough’.

[Nicole Wills · Rating 2 out of 5]

finally, an answer to the question: what if a whole book was composed of instagram infographics

[Josephine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Even though this is a book you can read within ~2 hours, you shouldn't. There are a lot of important messages in here, that take time to internalize and that you have to keep reading to make them your own and truly believe them.

I loved it! This is a book for anyone who struggles with being alone, and also for anyone who is heavily influenced by other peoples behavior and energy.

[Emma Brain · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had high expectations for this book after reading other Goodreads reviews, but found it to be a real disappointment. It felt more like a collection of inspirational quotes and affirmations, rather than any practical thoughts on "how" you might go about doing some of these things, or expanding on these thoughts with any new perspectives or sense of depth - and the only content which really seemed to reflect the title came in the very last couple of pages. Being split into three sections, I felt it lacked any clear narrative, both jumping all over the place and repeating ideas. Whilst the colourful content and sketches might appeal to some, they didn't really feel justified in light of the shallow content - frankly a waste of pages. Also a number of typos throughout. The Igbo proverbs added an interesting touch and it was nice to bring in an element of the author's heritage, but some of them felt quite tenuous.

[Sierra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m so happy I read this. This book is unique in that it’s so much more than just words, it’s art, it’s inspiration. If i could describe it best, it’s mini essays are like a series of interrelated pep talks that you’d want perhaps a best friend, mom, sister or your closest friend would give you at various times in your life. Often our loved ones struggle to say the right thing at the right time, and I feel like this book contains the right words for a myriad of depressing and saddening situations we might face. Hence the title of the book has meaning because for me it’s like the pep talk a single person needs. But really everyone needs someone to say the things therein. Perhaps everything said isn’t exactly in line with my personal beliefs but much like a super enjoyable riveting conversation, chidera brings subjects and points of view to the table that definitely inspire a positive train of thought. This ones a keeper for those who need a lil picker upper.

[kurapika1234 · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s not a bad book but she said so many things that you’re supposed to do to, but not how you’re supposed to do them. Like i already knew i'm supposed to do those things, but how am i supposed to know how to actually do them.

[Bodien Curiël · Rating 2 out of 5]

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