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Kid Confidence: Help Your Child Make Friends, Build Resilience, and Develop Real Self-Esteem
"A wise and realistic program for instilling genuine self-esteem in children."
— Kirkus Reviews , starred review
Help your child cultivate real, lasting confidence! In Kid Confidence , a licensed clinical psychologist and parenting expert offers practical, evidence-based parenting strategies to help kids foster satisfying relationships, develop competence, and make choices that fit who they are and want to become. As parents, it’s heartbreaking to hear children say negative things about themselves. But as children grow older and begin thinking about the world in more complex ways, they also become more self-critical. Alarmingly, studies show that self-esteem, for many children, takes a sharp drop starting around age eight, and this decline continues into the early teen years. So, how can you turn the tide on this upsetting trend and help your child build genuine self-esteem? With this guide, you’ll learn that self-esteem isn’t about telling kids they're “special.” It’s about helping them embrace the freedom that comes with a quiet ego —a way of being in the world that isn't preoccupied with self-judgment, and instead embraces a compassionate view of oneself and others that allows for both present awareness and personal growth. When kids are less focused on evaluating and comparing themselves with others, they are freer to empathize with others, embrace learning, and connect with the values that are bigger than themselves. You’ll also discover how your child’s fundamental needs for connection , competence , and choice are essential for real self-esteem. Connection involves building meaningful and satisfying relationships that create a sense of belonging. Competence means building tangible skills. And choice is about being able to make decisions, figure out what matters, and choose to act in ways that are consistent with personal values. When children are able to fulfill these three basic needs, the question of “Am I good enough?” is less likely to come up. If your child is suffering from low self-esteem, you need a nuanced parenting approach. Let this book guide you as you help your child create unshakeable confidence and lasting well-being.
— Kirkus Reviews , starred review
Help your child cultivate real, lasting confidence! In Kid Confidence , a licensed clinical psychologist and parenting expert offers practical, evidence-based parenting strategies to help kids foster satisfying relationships, develop competence, and make choices that fit who they are and want to become. As parents, it’s heartbreaking to hear children say negative things about themselves. But as children grow older and begin thinking about the world in more complex ways, they also become more self-critical. Alarmingly, studies show that self-esteem, for many children, takes a sharp drop starting around age eight, and this decline continues into the early teen years. So, how can you turn the tide on this upsetting trend and help your child build genuine self-esteem? With this guide, you’ll learn that self-esteem isn’t about telling kids they're “special.” It’s about helping them embrace the freedom that comes with a quiet ego —a way of being in the world that isn't preoccupied with self-judgment, and instead embraces a compassionate view of oneself and others that allows for both present awareness and personal growth. When kids are less focused on evaluating and comparing themselves with others, they are freer to empathize with others, embrace learning, and connect with the values that are bigger than themselves. You’ll also discover how your child’s fundamental needs for connection , competence , and choice are essential for real self-esteem. Connection involves building meaningful and satisfying relationships that create a sense of belonging. Competence means building tangible skills. And choice is about being able to make decisions, figure out what matters, and choose to act in ways that are consistent with personal values. When children are able to fulfill these three basic needs, the question of “Am I good enough?” is less likely to come up. If your child is suffering from low self-esteem, you need a nuanced parenting approach. Let this book guide you as you help your child create unshakeable confidence and lasting well-being.
240 pages, Paperback
Published January 2, 2019
157 people are currently reading
703 people want to read
About the author
Eileen Kennedy-Moore
16 books43 followersEileen Kennedy-Moore, PhD, aka "Dr. Friendtastic," is an author, psychologist, and speaker, who specializes in parenting and children’s feelings and friendships. Her most recent books for children are
Moody Moody Cars
and
Growing Friendships: A Kids' Guide to Making and Keeping Friends
. She has also written or co-authored four books for parents:
Kid Confidence
,
Smart Parenting for Smart Kids
,
The Unwritten Rules of Friendship
, and
What’s My Child Thinking?
Dr. Kennedy-Moore's podcast, Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic, features 5-minute episodes answering children's questions about friendship. Her blog, Growing Friendships on Psychology Today has over 4.8 million views.
As a trusted expert on parenting and child development, Dr. Kennedy-Moore has been a featured guest on Live with Kelly and Ryan, The Today Show, Good Day Philadelphia, and dozens of radio shows and podcasts. She has been quoted many times in major newspapers and magazines, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune Parents, Real Simple, Working Mother, and, Woman's Day.
Dr. Kennedy-Moore has a private practice in Princeton, NJ (lic. #35SI00425400), where she works with adults, children, and families, and she often presents at schools, corporations, and conferences. She and her husband have four grown children.
Learn more at EileenKennedyMoore.com or DrFriendtastic.com (for kids).
Dr. Kennedy-Moore's podcast, Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic, features 5-minute episodes answering children's questions about friendship. Her blog, Growing Friendships on Psychology Today has over 4.8 million views.
As a trusted expert on parenting and child development, Dr. Kennedy-Moore has been a featured guest on Live with Kelly and Ryan, The Today Show, Good Day Philadelphia, and dozens of radio shows and podcasts. She has been quoted many times in major newspapers and magazines, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Chicago Tribune Parents, Real Simple, Working Mother, and, Woman's Day.
Dr. Kennedy-Moore has a private practice in Princeton, NJ (lic. #35SI00425400), where she works with adults, children, and families, and she often presents at schools, corporations, and conferences. She and her husband have four grown children.
Learn more at EileenKennedyMoore.com or DrFriendtastic.com (for kids).
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
March 4, 2022
I found this book on my library's parenting shelves, and it was a great discovery. My child struggles with many of the concepts in this book. I loved the approach through cognitive behavioral therapy, which I have also engaged in. Many of the tips were things I am already doing, but there were many to help enhance the work at home, including scripts for parents to use. I don't think parents can actually control how a child behaves, but these tips will help encourage your child so they can work on building their own confidence.
March 22, 2019
Thank you New Harbinger Publications and Netgalley for an ARC In return for my honest review.
This book is a really useful book giving actionable ways to assist in helping your child’ increase their confidence. It was easy to read and a book I will refer back to over time.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review this book.
This book is a really useful book giving actionable ways to assist in helping your child’ increase their confidence. It was easy to read and a book I will refer back to over time.
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review this book.
December 10, 2021
3.5 stars
really like the worksheets & sample questions
really like the worksheets & sample questions
July 28, 2022
Kid Confidence is a gem of a book covering the fundamental needs of every child to thrive.
It is divided into three sections: Connection, Competence and Choice, and offers comprehensive explanations about each with dialogue examples and plenty of strategies to improve with a wide myriad of situations.
Through CONNECTION children can develop meaningful kind relationships. Through COMPETENCE - children can recognise their limitations while giving themselves opportunity for growth and love to learn. Through CHOICE children can understand their own voices, choices and values and make choices that matter to them.
What I personally found very interesting is that this book has been helping me not only to be a a more conscious and supportive parent to my son but also to myself, aiding in developing a better understanding of my own personal frictions with self-esteem.
A wonderful read for parents or anyone who has contact with children (up to teenage years) to support them become more confident, caring, empathetic and competent within themselves.
It is divided into three sections: Connection, Competence and Choice, and offers comprehensive explanations about each with dialogue examples and plenty of strategies to improve with a wide myriad of situations.
Through CONNECTION children can develop meaningful kind relationships. Through COMPETENCE - children can recognise their limitations while giving themselves opportunity for growth and love to learn. Through CHOICE children can understand their own voices, choices and values and make choices that matter to them.
What I personally found very interesting is that this book has been helping me not only to be a a more conscious and supportive parent to my son but also to myself, aiding in developing a better understanding of my own personal frictions with self-esteem.
A wonderful read for parents or anyone who has contact with children (up to teenage years) to support them become more confident, caring, empathetic and competent within themselves.
January 2, 2019
Interesting, mostly because it compares old theories about self esteem and recent studies focused on children and adolescents. Moreover there are very easy to comprehend tips and suggestions to apply immediately in our relationship with the children.
Interessante, specialmente perché paragona vecchie e nuove teorie sull'autostima, basandosi su recenti studi effettuati su bambini ed adolescenti e non persone in generale. Inoltre ci sono dei suggerimenti che si possono mettere subito in pratica nella relazione con i bambini, siano essi i nostri figli o alunni o etc.
THANKS NETGALLEY FOR THE PREVIEW!
Interessante, specialmente perché paragona vecchie e nuove teorie sull'autostima, basandosi su recenti studi effettuati su bambini ed adolescenti e non persone in generale. Inoltre ci sono dei suggerimenti che si possono mettere subito in pratica nella relazione con i bambini, siano essi i nostri figli o alunni o etc.
THANKS NETGALLEY FOR THE PREVIEW!
June 9, 2025
I liked it but I didn’t love it.
Why?
Good parts:
Organization and good psychology research for children
Relatable for parents and people who work with kids
Bad parts: repetitive stuff
Lengthy and some scenarios were a bit exaggerated.
Why?
Good parts:
Organization and good psychology research for children
Relatable for parents and people who work with kids
Bad parts: repetitive stuff
Lengthy and some scenarios were a bit exaggerated.
April 21, 2021
It provides some techniques to help kids to practice and gain the confidence, self-esteem. It is helpful and workable.
June 25, 2022
There was some good things to learn and consider but I didn't find it as insightful as I was hoping it would be. I could have been in a non-fiction reading funk that contributed to that though.
January 2, 2019
As a mother, aunt, friend I am surrounded by kids pretty much every single day of my life. Being around kids of all ages and metal status I watch see which of the kids have confidence and which ones pretend to have confidence but struggle with negative talk or self doubt.
I am always looking for way to help my kids become confidant without putting others down or bring rude to those who didn't accomplish the same reward.
This book is a breath of fresh air. I am sick of children being reward for things they have not accomplished. This book will help parents feel confidant as they send their kids out into the world knowing they have a health self esteem that is based on who they are, their capabilities and their desires.
This book is a guide for kids as well to help their friends who might struggle with negative talk and self esteem issues.
That being said if you have a A typical kid this book might not be the best guide but it will have helpful information for you.
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher New Harbinger Publications for the advance copy of Eileen Kennedy-Moore and Michela Borba Kid Confidence.
.
I am always looking for way to help my kids become confidant without putting others down or bring rude to those who didn't accomplish the same reward.
This book is a breath of fresh air. I am sick of children being reward for things they have not accomplished. This book will help parents feel confidant as they send their kids out into the world knowing they have a health self esteem that is based on who they are, their capabilities and their desires.
This book is a guide for kids as well to help their friends who might struggle with negative talk and self esteem issues.
That being said if you have a A typical kid this book might not be the best guide but it will have helpful information for you.
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher New Harbinger Publications for the advance copy of Eileen Kennedy-Moore and Michela Borba Kid Confidence.
.
March 11, 2025
Kids need Connection, Competence and Choice to cultivate confidence in themselves.
The idea is to turn down the harsh critic, if they develop one. Encourage positive friendships. Stop shame and encourage guilt.
With real self-esteem, the kids are too busy living to get stuck on judging themselves.
Concentrate on cultivating a quiet ego, which is defined as a state in which ‘ the volume of the ego is turned down so that it might listen to others as well as the self in an effort to approach life more humanly and compassionately.’
- Awe
- Mindfulness
- Flow
-Compassion
-Elevation
The idea is to turn down the harsh critic, if they develop one. Encourage positive friendships. Stop shame and encourage guilt.
With real self-esteem, the kids are too busy living to get stuck on judging themselves.
Concentrate on cultivating a quiet ego, which is defined as a state in which ‘ the volume of the ego is turned down so that it might listen to others as well as the self in an effort to approach life more humanly and compassionately.’
- Awe
- Mindfulness
- Flow
-Compassion
-Elevation
July 30, 2020
I got a lot of useful tips from this book on how to handle your child's self-esteem issues, i.e. when your child doesn't take compliments well, they put themselves down, and they can't see their talents/achievements. Right off the bat, I found a checklist of what to look for in different age groups (2-4 yrs, 5-7 yrs, 8-10 yrs, 11-13 yrs, 14-16 yrs). I also appreciated the fundamental needs for developing self-esteem. This book is a keeper.
November 16, 2025
Has a lot of practical applications for children in the elementary to middle school age group.
If you have younger children, still a good read to get you in the habit of saying and doing these things.
I felt like some of it seems common or obvious but I read and study a lot of this topic. I read this hoping to help my kiddo realizing a few chapters in the my child is more anxious and doesn’t have low self esteem.
If you have younger children, still a good read to get you in the habit of saying and doing these things.
I felt like some of it seems common or obvious but I read and study a lot of this topic. I read this hoping to help my kiddo realizing a few chapters in the my child is more anxious and doesn’t have low self esteem.
April 2, 2021
Menurut saya ini one of #MustRead book mengenai parenting yang berkaitan dengan Self-Esteem pada anak. Di setiap part dijelaskan contoh-contoh kasus yang sering muncul pada anak beserta beragam strategi yang mudah dipahami dan dipraktikkan langsung oleh orangtua.
Part 1: Terkait perubahan Self-Esteem di setiap tahap perkembangan anak dan bentuk-bentuk afirmasi yang dibutuhkan olehnya.
Part 2: Terkait cara membangun strong and satisfying relationships antara anak-orangtua, mengatasi sibling jealousy, dan cara mendampingi anak yang merasa friendless.
Part 3: Terkait cara mendorong anak untuk mempertahankan usaha, resiliensi, dan membantunya melepaskan unhealthy perfectionism.
Part 4: Terkait cara membantu anak meluaskan sudut pandang, membuat keputusan dengan tepat dan menemukan personal value dalam diri mereka, terutama pada anak yang merasa dirinya "berbeda" dari anak-anak lain.
Part 5: Terkait cara membantu anak coping with bullying, teasing, and other meanness.
“When children are able to fulfill their fundamental needs for connection, competence, and choice, they’re less apt to fret about their worth as a human being.” -Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Phd
Part 1: Terkait perubahan Self-Esteem di setiap tahap perkembangan anak dan bentuk-bentuk afirmasi yang dibutuhkan olehnya.
Part 2: Terkait cara membangun strong and satisfying relationships antara anak-orangtua, mengatasi sibling jealousy, dan cara mendampingi anak yang merasa friendless.
Part 3: Terkait cara mendorong anak untuk mempertahankan usaha, resiliensi, dan membantunya melepaskan unhealthy perfectionism.
Part 4: Terkait cara membantu anak meluaskan sudut pandang, membuat keputusan dengan tepat dan menemukan personal value dalam diri mereka, terutama pada anak yang merasa dirinya "berbeda" dari anak-anak lain.
Part 5: Terkait cara membantu anak coping with bullying, teasing, and other meanness.
“When children are able to fulfill their fundamental needs for connection, competence, and choice, they’re less apt to fret about their worth as a human being.” -Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Phd
November 10, 2022
Really good, useful strategies I will reference! Spells out specific reactions to specific situations, with explanations that really make sense and aren’t necessarily what you would assume (Some of these types of books give advice that seems obvious).
Focuses on ages 6-12 — Recommend to any parent
Focuses on ages 6-12 — Recommend to any parent
August 2, 2020
I wish every adult (parent or not) would read this book and stop this “everybody gets a trophy” culture. Constant praise doesn’t do anything to help build a child’s confidence. It is actually more damaging because the child feels pressure to always be perfect.
January 30, 2021
Wonderful book!
This was such an enlightening book for me as a parent. I found useful all the given exemples that easily are met in every family.
This is a book I would also recommend to teachers.
I loved this book so much I ordered a copy for myself.
This was such an enlightening book for me as a parent. I found useful all the given exemples that easily are met in every family.
This is a book I would also recommend to teachers.
I loved this book so much I ordered a copy for myself.
August 29, 2023
Such a wonderful book!
Sheds light on deeper side of self-confidence in kids & shares a lot of actionable tips. It will take its place in my library to refer back any time. 🤍
Sheds light on deeper side of self-confidence in kids & shares a lot of actionable tips. It will take its place in my library to refer back any time. 🤍
September 8, 2023
Would be worth rereading when kids are older. It wasn’t geared toward the preschool parent
October 2, 2023
One of the better parenting books I've listened to and one I would buy a hard copy of.
January 5, 2024
Has good tips and advice on how to respond to your child. I enjoyed it. It was a quick audio listen.
January 7, 2025
Özgüven konusuna farkli, ama tutarli ve dogru buldugum bir yaklasim. Maalesef Türkce cevirisini pek begenmedim.
October 30, 2018
I have always disliked the everybody gets a trophy for showing up mentality.
It was a breath of fresh air to read a book about building confidence in kids that doesn't insist on constant praise.
Praise is good when warranted but overdoing it has negative reactions.
Kid Confidence focuses on developing the areas in a kids life that can produce negative self talk and explores how to minimize it.
The book is a little dry but for a parent trying to help their child it is a great resource!
It was a breath of fresh air to read a book about building confidence in kids that doesn't insist on constant praise.
Praise is good when warranted but overdoing it has negative reactions.
Kid Confidence focuses on developing the areas in a kids life that can produce negative self talk and explores how to minimize it.
The book is a little dry but for a parent trying to help their child it is a great resource!
February 13, 2019
Kid confidence is a very well written book. It explains a lot about children and the age groups at what age a child would be doing/developing. This book was very interesting and I think every person that is up close and personal to children should read this. You’ll get great info and advice. I highly recommend. Enjoy! :)
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews