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Touching Ground: Devotion and Demons Along the Path to Enlightenment
The vivid story of a hippie, a carpenter, a Vietnam vet, an alcoholic, a marine engineer, and a great dad who battled his demons on the Buddhist path.
From October 16, 1973, to August 17, 1974, Tim Testu walked all the way from San Francisco to Seattle, bowing his head to the ground every three steps. And that’s not even the best part of his story.
Tim Testu was one of the very first Americans to take ordination in Chinese Zen Buddhism. His path—from getting kicked out of school to joyriding in stolen boats in the Navy to squatting in an anarchist commune to wholehearted spiritual engagement in a strict Buddhist monastery—is equal parts rollicking adventure and profound spiritual memoir.
Touching Ground is simultaneously larger than life and entirely relatable; even as Tim finds his spiritual home with his teacher, the legendary Chan master Hsuan Hua, he nonetheless continues to struggle to overcome his addictions and his very human shortcomings.
Tim never did anything halfway, including both drinking and striving for liberation. He died of leukemia in 1998 after packing ten lifetimes into fifty-two years.
From October 16, 1973, to August 17, 1974, Tim Testu walked all the way from San Francisco to Seattle, bowing his head to the ground every three steps. And that’s not even the best part of his story.
Tim Testu was one of the very first Americans to take ordination in Chinese Zen Buddhism. His path—from getting kicked out of school to joyriding in stolen boats in the Navy to squatting in an anarchist commune to wholehearted spiritual engagement in a strict Buddhist monastery—is equal parts rollicking adventure and profound spiritual memoir.
Touching Ground is simultaneously larger than life and entirely relatable; even as Tim finds his spiritual home with his teacher, the legendary Chan master Hsuan Hua, he nonetheless continues to struggle to overcome his addictions and his very human shortcomings.
Tim never did anything halfway, including both drinking and striving for liberation. He died of leukemia in 1998 after packing ten lifetimes into fifty-two years.
216 pages, Paperback
Published November 13, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 2, 2025
Probably one of the more entertaining books on Buddhism, but is that because it's written by a somewhat narcissistic unreliable narrator?
Spoilers ahead!
Touching Ground takes you into the mind of Tim Testu, a 6'4" American dude who lives a wild and rollicking existence throughout the 70s and surrounding decades. He's an impulsive kid who breaks all the rules without knowing why. He resents the fact that his parents have six more kids after him. He joins the navy and gets up to all kinds of uncontrolled drunken escapades. He drops out of society (again) by joining a hippy commune (the stories from this part of his life are especially fun). Eventually he is led to a Zen Buddhist monastery and drops out of society (again) to become a live-in monk.
We get an insiders look into what it's like to live in a pretty hardcore Zen monastery where monks sleep only three hours per night, sitting in lotus position, eat only once per day, and live very regimented days of meditation and ceremony. They are under the command of their master who seems pretty volatile, plays favourites, but also seems to have great wisdom and even extra-sensory powers. Our narrator has intense internal conflict and suffering - he trades in a life of debauchery and full blown alcoholism for the most extreme form of self discipline. He makes an impulsive decision to take a three steps one bow pilgrimage on foot, from San Francisco to Seattle.
Despite the countless hours of daily meditation, year on year, and the months of suffering in his three steps one bow pilgrimage, Tim seems unable to gain true self insight, or to translate any of his learnings to benefit others. At one point, someone stops him on his pilgrimage to ask him what he has learned. He can't answer, can't formulate all the lessons into words, so remains silent. He doesn't seem to see what the readers can see - that the decision to join the monastery could just be another example in his life of stepping outside society, of focussing endlessly inwards, of engaging in self harm and self-absorption simultaneously. That the pilgrimage is purposefully impressive, another grand and extreme story from his life that he can boast about. That as a 6'4" large white guy he was probably afforded a certain level of safety and respect on this trip. That he perhaps could focus at least some of his hours on helping others. He notes that the San Francisco monastery is located in a poverty-stricken neighbourhood, but that's as far as that thought goes - there's no thought given to how that poverty is created, what small or large things he could do to help his neighbours, what broader things are at play outside of his own experience.
And then there's the misogyny. Not to whack you over the head with a feminist stick, but in case you don't believe me, here's a list of examples:
- The Buddhist nuns at the monastery are treated as second class citizens. Tim recognises this, but doesn't seem to have any problem with it, and in fact seems to have an openly hostile relationship with one of the more outspoken nuns. The nuns living quarters are moved off-site to resolve tensions, and Tim sees this as problem solved, nothing more to discuss here.
- He refers to a group of female devotees as a 'buzzing swarm'
- Women are always described by their appearance - they are either appealing due to their attractiveness, or else they may as well not exist.
- He refers to wanting to be a "a patriarch", and to "not having a wife to blame". Sure, it was the 80s or whatever at that point, but had his path to enlightenment not taught him anything about stepping outside of these trappings and/or having empathy for others?
- He recounts a story of giving an attractive hitchhiking woman a ride, and they make eyes at each other and have sex outdoors on the ground. Is it out of line for me to say - I can't help but wonder what this story is from the woman's perspective?
- In a book that describes some moments in great detail - for instance, whole paragraphs dedicated to describing a milkshake, or a cloud formation - this is what all we get on the huge life event of getting married and having a kid: "I even married and became a father, but I wasn't ready for any of it." The wife is not described at all - not their meeting, romance, decision to get married, relationship, or divorce. The child is mentioned a couple of times, but there are certainly no grand reflections on the miracle of giving life. The only way I can excuse this is to imagine all these life events happened under the fog of alcoholism.
Tim gets a heroes welcome when he comes home from the pilgrimage, but eventually the shine wears off. He commits some grave transgressions from his Buddhist vows, launches himself back into alcoholism, leaves his monkhood in disgrace, and struggles to live as a "free" man. The book ends on a poignant and meaningful note - that anyone can gain lessons from Buddhism, lay people included. The epilogue provides some useful advice: to have an attitude of gratitude; to take glory in everyday moments, the sun shining on your face; to create your own meditation rituals; to take care of your body; to meditate on no-self. I am grateful for his note that Buddhism is not a cure for all ailments, and to seek professional help (eg. for mental health issues) where needed.
I can understand why his daughter carried around this book on a floppy disk for so many years before finally following her father's final wishes and having the book posthumously published. I can imagine she might have had some conflicted thoughts about her father and this story.
Spoilers ahead!
Touching Ground takes you into the mind of Tim Testu, a 6'4" American dude who lives a wild and rollicking existence throughout the 70s and surrounding decades. He's an impulsive kid who breaks all the rules without knowing why. He resents the fact that his parents have six more kids after him. He joins the navy and gets up to all kinds of uncontrolled drunken escapades. He drops out of society (again) by joining a hippy commune (the stories from this part of his life are especially fun). Eventually he is led to a Zen Buddhist monastery and drops out of society (again) to become a live-in monk.
We get an insiders look into what it's like to live in a pretty hardcore Zen monastery where monks sleep only three hours per night, sitting in lotus position, eat only once per day, and live very regimented days of meditation and ceremony. They are under the command of their master who seems pretty volatile, plays favourites, but also seems to have great wisdom and even extra-sensory powers. Our narrator has intense internal conflict and suffering - he trades in a life of debauchery and full blown alcoholism for the most extreme form of self discipline. He makes an impulsive decision to take a three steps one bow pilgrimage on foot, from San Francisco to Seattle.
Despite the countless hours of daily meditation, year on year, and the months of suffering in his three steps one bow pilgrimage, Tim seems unable to gain true self insight, or to translate any of his learnings to benefit others. At one point, someone stops him on his pilgrimage to ask him what he has learned. He can't answer, can't formulate all the lessons into words, so remains silent. He doesn't seem to see what the readers can see - that the decision to join the monastery could just be another example in his life of stepping outside society, of focussing endlessly inwards, of engaging in self harm and self-absorption simultaneously. That the pilgrimage is purposefully impressive, another grand and extreme story from his life that he can boast about. That as a 6'4" large white guy he was probably afforded a certain level of safety and respect on this trip. That he perhaps could focus at least some of his hours on helping others. He notes that the San Francisco monastery is located in a poverty-stricken neighbourhood, but that's as far as that thought goes - there's no thought given to how that poverty is created, what small or large things he could do to help his neighbours, what broader things are at play outside of his own experience.
And then there's the misogyny. Not to whack you over the head with a feminist stick, but in case you don't believe me, here's a list of examples:
- The Buddhist nuns at the monastery are treated as second class citizens. Tim recognises this, but doesn't seem to have any problem with it, and in fact seems to have an openly hostile relationship with one of the more outspoken nuns. The nuns living quarters are moved off-site to resolve tensions, and Tim sees this as problem solved, nothing more to discuss here.
- He refers to a group of female devotees as a 'buzzing swarm'
- Women are always described by their appearance - they are either appealing due to their attractiveness, or else they may as well not exist.
- He refers to wanting to be a "a patriarch", and to "not having a wife to blame". Sure, it was the 80s or whatever at that point, but had his path to enlightenment not taught him anything about stepping outside of these trappings and/or having empathy for others?
- He recounts a story of giving an attractive hitchhiking woman a ride, and they make eyes at each other and have sex outdoors on the ground. Is it out of line for me to say - I can't help but wonder what this story is from the woman's perspective?
- In a book that describes some moments in great detail - for instance, whole paragraphs dedicated to describing a milkshake, or a cloud formation - this is what all we get on the huge life event of getting married and having a kid: "I even married and became a father, but I wasn't ready for any of it." The wife is not described at all - not their meeting, romance, decision to get married, relationship, or divorce. The child is mentioned a couple of times, but there are certainly no grand reflections on the miracle of giving life. The only way I can excuse this is to imagine all these life events happened under the fog of alcoholism.
Tim gets a heroes welcome when he comes home from the pilgrimage, but eventually the shine wears off. He commits some grave transgressions from his Buddhist vows, launches himself back into alcoholism, leaves his monkhood in disgrace, and struggles to live as a "free" man. The book ends on a poignant and meaningful note - that anyone can gain lessons from Buddhism, lay people included. The epilogue provides some useful advice: to have an attitude of gratitude; to take glory in everyday moments, the sun shining on your face; to create your own meditation rituals; to take care of your body; to meditate on no-self. I am grateful for his note that Buddhism is not a cure for all ailments, and to seek professional help (eg. for mental health issues) where needed.
I can understand why his daughter carried around this book on a floppy disk for so many years before finally following her father's final wishes and having the book posthumously published. I can imagine she might have had some conflicted thoughts about her father and this story.
February 22, 2019
Still not sure how Testu survived his insane youth, but it's good that he did. He lives long enough to give us this warts-and-all account of life at a west coast Chan monastery. He accomplishes an amazing feat of a walking prostration up the coast. It takes him nearly a year. It attracts much attention at the time, and even though it can't keep him from slipping up again (he eventually figures out he's an alcoholic), he remains a Buddhist and finds his own measure of peace.
January 19, 2019
A compelling story with lots of detail about the author's descent into alcoholism and addiction + his coming to Buddhism. I found the author's struggle with life as a monk compelling. The story left me wishing for more....and that's a good thing for a reader to want.
August 9, 2021
I loved the conversational tone and honesty of this memoir. So many books about “enlightenment “ are heavy and judgey and this guy was having none of that; he let his humanity shine through with humor and humility, showing vividly why this journey is called a path and not a destination.
March 6, 2019
This was an excellent book and very inspiring. Very well written and anyone that teeters on partying and also searching for zen can relate.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews