Guerra de Palabras: Tratando el corazón de tus problemas con la comunicación

by Paul David Tripp, Poiema Publicaciones (Editor)

¿Has sido herido por las palabras de otra persona? ¿Le has hecho daño a alguien con tus palabras? En este libro, el autor bestseller Paul David Tripp te muestra que nuestra lucha con la comunicación no consiste en aprender nuevos métodos de habla ni en buscar nuevas estrategias para restaurar relaciones rotas. Nuestra lucha con la comunicación tiene su origen en una guerra más la guerra por la conquista de nuestro corazón . Quien gobierne nuestro corazón, gobernará nuestra forma de hablar. Es por eso que debemos entender que la guerra de palabras se gana cuando Dios gobierna nuestros corazones y nos sometemos a Su evangelio. Solo así lo medios para mejorar nuestra comunicación podrán ser efectivos. Este libro contiene preguntas de reflexión y diálogo después de cada capítulo, y está escrito en un lenguaje muy fresco y personal, como si el mismo autor estuviera conversando contigo en tu sala. Si quieres saber cómo puedes moldear tus palabras para que se asemejen a la vida que Dios quiere que vivas en el día a día, ¡léete este libro!

Genres: Christian, Counselling, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Communication, Christianity, Theology

240 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Paul was born in Toledo, Ohio to Bob and Fae Tripp on November 12, 1950. Paul spent all of his growing years in Toledo until his college years when his parents moved to Southern California.
At Columbia Bible College from 1968-1972, (now Columbia International University) Paul majored in Bible and Christian Education. Although he had planned to be there for only two years and then to study journalism, Paul more and more felt like there was so much of the theology of Scripture that he did not understand, so he decided to go to seminary. Paul met Luella Jackson at College and they married in 1971. In 1971, Paul took his first pastoral position and has had a heart for the local church ever since. After college, Paul completed his Master of Divinity degree at the Reformed Episcopal Seminary (now known as Philadelphia Theological Seminary) in Philadelphia (1972-1975). It was during these days that Paul’s commitment to ministry solidified. After seminary, Paul was involved in planting a church in Scranton, Pennsylvania (1977-1987) where he also founded a Christian School. During the years in Scranton, Paul became involved in music, traveling with a band and writing worship songs. In Scranton, Paul became interested in biblical counseling and decided to enroll in the D.Min program in Biblical Counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul then became a faculty member of the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF) and a lecturer in biblical counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul has also served as Visiting Professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.
In 2009, Paul joined the faculty of Redeemer Seminary (daughter school of Westminster) in Dallas, Texas as Professor of Pastoral Life and Care.[1]
Beginning in June, 2006, Paul became the President of Paul Tripp Ministries, a non-profit organization, whose mission statement is "Connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life." In addition to his current role as President of Paul Tripp Ministries, on January 1, 2007, Paul also became part of the pastoral staff at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, PA where he preached every Sunday evening and lead the Ministry to Center City through March, 2011 when he resigned due to the expanding time commitments needed at Paul Tripp Ministries.
Paul, Luella, and their four children moved to Philadelphia in 1987 and have lived there ever since. Paul is a prolific author and has written twelve books on Christian living which are sold internationally. Luella manages a large commercial art gallery in the city and Paul is very dedicated to painting as an avocation.[2] Paul’s driving passion is to help people understand how the gospel of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ really does speak with practical hope into all the things they will face in this broken world. Paul is a pastor with a pastor’s heart, a gifted speaker, his journey taking him all over the world, an author of numerous books on practical Christian living, and a man who is hopelessly in love with Luella.

Reviews

[C.H. Cobb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have already read thru this book at least once. Was reading this time for a counseling case. Did not finish this time, but just getting it off my list.

Bottom line--this is an excellent book on communication, and very useful, particularly for marriage and family counseling.

[Brett Mclaughlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just five pages into War of Words, Paul Tripp makes this astonishing claim: “God has a wonderful plan for our words” (5). Modern evangelicalism is quick to talk about God’s plan–and God’s plans–so this statement doesn’t sound overtly different, provocative, or perhaps even book-worthy. In fact, seminaries, churches, and parachurches have made so-called Christian counseling all the rage, so another book on godly communication should fit right into the local Christian bookstore.

Tripp’s initial argument doesn’t sound provocative on its face. However, it’s the following supplemental points that Tripp makes on page 5 that stir a deeper thinking:
• Sin has radically altered our agenda for our words […:]
• In Christ Jesus we find the grace that provides all we need […:]
• The Bible plainly and simply teaches us how to get from where we are to where God wants us to be.

Tripp’s argument continues: if the solution for sin is Jesus Christ and His reconciling death, then the solution for sinful communication must be a return to Jesus Christ, not a system or set of best practices. “[Tripp is:] convinced that we do not understand how radically the gospel can change the way we understand and solve our communication problems” (5). Sin, the Bible would teach, affects the whole man. Further, as Jesus Himself says, what comes out of a man simply bears witness to what is inside that man (Mat. 15:17-20).

Communication, then, reflects our sinful hearts. Consequently, an outward approach to improving communication–writing out your thoughts before voicing them, counting to ten internally, asking questions rather than making demands–is at best an attempt to restrain the effect of sin. But does this in fact deal with the actual sin producing the poor communication? Does this outward restraint do anything other than layer a sinful heart with external moralistic behavior? No.

A Biblical approach to dealing with words must actually look past words. The Bible and Tripp’s book demand a return to the Gospel in all its power. A Christian who seeks to “improve” their communication is in fact denying a sin problem. Sin cannot be lessened in some continuous, long-term, quantifiable manner. It can be warred against, and repented of, and forgiven; in fact, this is the Christian gospel.

Tripp sums up the Biblical approach to relationships and communication on page 160: “We all need a redemptive perspective on our relationships.” The purpose of communication, then, is not to get a message across. It is not to make yourself heard, nor is it to achieve happiness, mutual understanding, or agreement on a controversial issue. The purpose of communication–and in fact, the message of the Gospel–is redemption.

God’s mission through Jesus was and is to rescue sinful man. In 2 Cor. 5:17-20, all Christians are called to reconcile, and to be agents of God. Our chief end must necessarily be rescue and reconciliation. Further, it is the message of reconciliation we are entrusted with. A message is ultimately a collection of words. How does a Christian win the war of words? They seek to reconcile others to God through Jesus Christ. Ultimately, this end has little to do with winning for the individual at all.

[ShellbyJo · Rating 4 out of 5]

A super helpful and convicting read. Even if you dont struggle to tame your tongue (I probably struggle with saying too little rather than too much) this book is a helpful look at the causes behind our harmful words, the universal problem of sin.

[Carissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

August 2023 Update:
We read this for our church's summer book club. Still a great read and a great book to discuss with others.

I forgot upon rereading how slow the last 3 chapters are. Just a little repetitive and list-oriented.

October 2022:
*4.5 stars*

"God has a wonderful plan for our words."

The first half is especially helpful in establishing the War of Words as a battle for sovereignty over our lives. Tripp has many great examples from all his counseling over the years and many will stick with me. It took me a few months to read this, I took it slow to digest and hopefully apply the concepts. He addresses first and foremost our hearts before getting to the practical applications at the very end.

The conflict resolution part isn't as in-depth or helpful as The Peacemaker, but this is still a great resource for how to be Godly in using your words.

[Roxana Băhnaru · Rating 4 out of 5]

Complexă. Despre abordarea problemelor de comunicare, dar mai mult decât atât, despre abordarea problemelor inimii.

"Viața noastră întreagă va fi determinată de pâinea după care alergăm (spirituală sau materială).
Nu există minciuni mai periculoase decât cele care ne îndepărtează de la o speranță plină de dragoste și o predare față de Creatorul pe care nu-L putem vedea, însă aceste minciuni ne duc într-o robie față de o necontenită și nesatisfăcătoare căutare a ceea ce este trecător.

Oricare ar fi cazul, limba va sluji stăpânului căruia inima îi este deja dedicată."

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good things to say, but felt repetitive. I found The Peacemaker by Ken Sande to be more helpful as far as conflict resolution goes. As far as "communication struggles" goes, this book had good stuff, but didn't really cover much of communication struggles other than having angry and self focused words...

[Tess · Rating 4 out of 5]

Giving this four stars because I think what it has to say is very eye-opening and true. The first few chapters are just trying to convince you that words are important, and I felt like that was unnecessary because duh, I'm sitting here reading a book about improving my communication, obviously I think words are important. But he goes on to describe what ought to be the motivation behind our speech -- we have to go beyond the knee-jerk "I want to win" reaction that's our default, and think about it for two more seconds to realize what we REALLY want, which is the best for the person we're talking to and ourself. So if our end goal was always to lift up and encourage the other person to be their best possible self, we would approach the language we use very differently. I think this helps to table-set and get your mind straight before going into a conversation. Also, the pitfalls Tripp points out resonate with me. He feels that in confrontations most people either blow up and get defensive / yelly, or clam up and never bring it up again. I'm the latter, not out of fear or laziness, but out of deciding a long time ago "Hey, I'm never going to sit around trying to convince someone to change their opinion, or to help me or love me or hang out with me. Life is too short." And I stand by that and think it was right 90% of the time. Why be obsessed that someone see things your way? But it probably also caused me to miss my responsibility to speak truth (gently) to people close to me, because I would just fold and back away as soon as anything got heated. So that's something for me to think about changing as I move forward. My only parting complaint was that I think he tries to wrap this technique up in a little bow, like "If you beat back your pride and just speak like this and this to a person, they will immediately soften too and ta-da, progress occurs! Good job." There could be another chapter called "What if this doesn't work?" But you know, books can't solve all things.

[Trisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes, Tripp is repetitive in this book, for each chapter considers "God's plan, our sin, His grace, and Scripture's map." There are no quick and easy steps given for godly communication, and the journey through these chapters can sometimes be painful and tedious. Getting to the heart of any sinful matter usually is. But, Tripp's book is worth the time and patience and repetition. It's a rich Gospel-centered look at the war of words that we're all fighting. It's a gold mine of Scriptural truths and godly wisdom that, by God's grace, is truly life-changing.

[Karla Fernández · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Increíble libro! Paul Tripp es de mis autores preferidos, este libro debería ser leído por todos aquellos que desean hablar de manera redentora y para comunicar el llamado amoroso de Dios a un mundo que solo piensa en sí mismo. ¡Somos sus embajadores!"

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles by Paul David Tripp is a beautifully written book that shows us the importance of words and how they are used. It is rooted deeply in the scriptures and would be a profitable read for any believer—given that we are all sinners who struggle with our words. Tripp writes about how God has a plan for our words but sin has altered the way we speak. However, God did not leave us to fight that hopeless war in our own strength. The author says that “in Christ Jesus we find the grace that provides all that we need to speak as God has planned. The Bible plainly and simply teaches us how to get from where we are to where God wants us to be.”(5) The book challenged my tendency to blame the external influences for my sinful words rather than acknowledging the sin in my heart that really caused them.

Tripp starts the book by saying that “you do not understand the significance of words until you realise that the first words that human ears ever heard were not the words of another human being, but the words of God! The value of every piece of human communication is rooted in the fact that God speaks.”(8) In Genesis, when God created, He spoke. The fact that God speaks and that He made us to speak should blow our minds. He designed words and He made them to be good and to be a way of glorifying Himself. When God sent Jesus into the world he sent him as “the Word [who] became flesh and dwelt among us!” (John 1:14) God’s message to the world has always been one of words, written in the Bible and spoken through his people.

The problem is that since the fall we have been, and always will be, at war with our words. Tripp explains that since sin has come into the world “our words now divide, deceive, and destroy.”(30) This is because, as Jesus said, “out of the abundance of the heart [the] mouth speaks.” (Luke 6:45) Or as Tripp puts it, “An idolatrous heart will produce idol words.”(56) And again, “Human conflict is rooted in spiritual adultery.”(59) The reason for our sinful words and the conflict they bring is because we are putting something other than God first in our heart. Our hearts have been corrupted and don’t work the way God designed. If God was first in our hearts, our words would be honouring Him and totally loving Him which would then flow out into loving our neighbours. “The Word would not have come to our world if our struggle were primarily a struggle of flesh and blood. The problem with our words is an intensely spiritual one, a problem with the human heart.”(37)

When I speak impatiently to my family, it is not because I am tired or stressed. It is because my heart is full of sin. If the sin was not in my heart, it would not come out in my words to other people. “Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us do not make us say what we say; they are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal themselves in words.”(55) This is why James calls us adulterous people when we fight and quarrel. Because we are putting our desires in the place only God should have in our hearts. With our tongue “we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God.” (James 3:9) Such ungodliness can only come out in our words if it is already in our hearts to begin with.

Although our hearts are full of this sin and our nature tells us not to honour God or give thanks to Him as He deserves, we are not in a hopeless situation.

“I cannot love my enemies. I cannot do good to those who mistreat me. I cannot be patient in the face of provocation. I cannot honour when I am dishonoured. I cannot leave vengeance to the Lord. I cannot find delight in self-sacrificing service. I cannot speak softly in the face of another’s anger. I am not naturally kind, compassionate, gentle, or forgiving. The standard is too high and the calling is too great for me to fulfill. But that is why Jesus came. In him we really do find everything we need!

The Gospel is the soil in which real repentance grows. Its promises make me willing to face my sin and give me the strength to turn from it. Real hope for change is found in Christ! Repentance is built on that foundation.”(180-181)

We can change our words! Jesus is the answer to our communication struggles. In 2 Peter it says, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness through the knowledge of him.” (2 Peter 1:3) God has already given everything we need for our words to be ones that honour Him! This means that I do not have to despair. I can change the way I speak because His Spirit is in my heart. “The war of words always reveals a deeper war.”(185) This war is a war over who will rule our hearts, and God is fighting for us. While we are still in this body there will always be a battle against our sin, but we are no longer enslaved to it.

God’s plan for our words is that they would represent Him. We are called to speak the gospel and to be His ambassadors to the world and to each other. As Paul writes to the Corinthians,

“All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.” (2 Corinthians 5:18-20)

He says that God has given us the ministry of reconciliation. Tripp writes that we should see each conflict, each time we become aware of the sin of another, as an opportunity to be God’s representative to them and an agent of His grace and sanctification in their life. It is more important that they be reconciled to God than that they be reconciled to you—although that is important too. As it says in Hebrews, “exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” (Hebrews 3:12–13) Sin is in all of our hearts and we need our brothers and sisters to speak words that will exhort us to put it to death. Without this exhortation, sin will slowly harden our hearts and could eventually cause us to fall away from God. I know this to be true of my own heart. We need to remember the work of God’s grace in our own hearts so that when we rebuke and exhort our fellow believers, we are speaking from a place where we acknowledge our own weakness and need of God’s constant help. “From here I can speak out of a sense of my own need and a deep appreciation for the work of Christ. I will not see myself as essentially different from you. I will recognize that God is not only working on you, but he is also working on me.”(196) This allows us to work on our own hearts first so we are in the right place to help our brothers and sisters.

The author writes from a place of humility—not writing because he is an expert, but because it is an issue we all struggle with—himself included—and all need to learn more about. This book challenges the reader to rethink the way they deal with conflict and their words. It shows how far we have fallen from God’s design for our words but gives the beautiful hope of the gospel and the change that can come into our lives through that. In War of Words Tripp gives the encouraging reminder that “God has a wonderful plan for our words that is far better than anything we could come up with on our own.”(132)

[Caroline Parkinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

As usual I zoned out much and struggled to retain a lot of the details of this book, but I think that was more due to the narrator than the content. Tripp doesn't hold back in confessing his own failings in communication, which also served to show me the same sins in my own heart, even if they don't always come out of my mouth. Practical question and reflection section at the end of each chapter that would be more useful in a physical copy.
If you struggle with communication or want to know better how to help others communicate in a godly manner, I highly recommend this book.

[Brian Pate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! I used this book in counseling, but I needed it as much as my friend. Quintessential Tripp. As with all of his books, there is a bit of repetition, but it's so good that you don't mind.

[Rachel Simmons · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, the heart of words runs deep. Such a great book and one to reread! Very convicting!

[James Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read on the importance of our words and how Christ, grace, and others should lead our conversations daily.

[Michael Philliber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very meaningful and useful. "Whatever or whoever rules our hearts will control the words we speak" (82).

[Ada Tarcau · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a book about communication technics and skills but rather the story of the great war for our hearts that is the root of our difficulties and battles with words.
The tongue will serve the master that already rules our heart. The book lays out our ambassadorial call to surrender back to God our words for His redemptive purposes.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good read. Not over the top, but still has some great tidbits.

Highlights:
- Our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses.
- Words are not cheap. They reveal, design, explain, and shape.
- Every word we speak must be up to God’s standards.
- Commit yourself to the work of change.
- Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us don’t make us say what we say. They are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal itself in words.
- A desire battles for control until it becomes a demand. The demand gets expressed and experienced as a need. The sense of need set up an expectation. When unfulfilled, the expectation leads to disappointment. Disappointment leads to punishment.
- Human conflict is rooted in spiritual adultery.
- We need to consider our own heart problems before pointing out that of others.
- The steps of repentance are consideration, confession, commitment, and change.
- Attributes for redemptive speaking include compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, love, and peace.

Questions to ask yourself about talk:
1. Does your talk with others lead to Biblical problem solving?
2. Does your talk have a stand together or a me against him/her/them posture?
3. Do your words encourage others to be open and honest about their thoughts and feelings?
4. Are you approachable and teachable or defensive and self-protective when talking with others?
5. Is your communication healthy in the principal relationships in your life?
6. Does your talk encourage faith and personal, spiritual growth in those around you?
7. Do you talk with others to develop relationships with them or do you only talk to solve problems in times of trouble?
8. Do you speak humble and honest words of confession when you sin and words of sincere forgiveness when others sin against you?
9. Do your words reflect a willingness to serve others or a demand that they serve you?
10. As you face the struggles of talk, do you do so with a recognition of the gospel, God’s forgiveness, His enabling grace, and the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit?

For confession:
1. Are there places where your words challenge the authority of God, seeking to take wrongful control, speaking words of condemnation, punishing others with words, undermining the authority of God-appointed leaders, or grumbling and complaining about the situations God has ordained for your life?
2. Do your words reveal places where you have bought into an interpretation of life that is different from the Lord’s?
3. Has your communication been infected with Satan’s lie that the things you need for life can be found outside of Christ?

For reflection of blame:
1. Do you tend to blame your negative communications on situations?
2. Do you tend to blame others?
3. Do you tend to blame God?

[Daniel Lynch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great points but quite repetitive at times.

“This means letting go of any hope that we can produce change. You and I don't produce change in others; it is always the result of God's power and grace at work. So we let go of human demands. We don't try to impress people with how much we know or how much we've experienced. We don't try to force change by manipulation. We don't seek to get results with a loud voice or inflammatory words. We won't bribe, bargain, or make deals. We won't seek to get responses by guilt, condemnation, or judgment. We don't trust in our airtight arguments. We recognize that if these things could bring lasting change to the human heart, Christ would never have come to suffer and die. The most important encounter in personal ministry is not people's encounter with us, but their encounter with him. We are simply called to set up that encounter.”

[Hannah Mozingo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book #4 on my reading streak with my mum. This contains some super helpful insights into words and why we speak the way we do and how to change how we speak to glorify God. Probably the biggest insight/challenge I took away from this book is that you speak from your heart. Whatever is in your heart is going to come out of your mouth. And that's why a heart-change is necessary before you can do any speech-change. 4* instead of 5 because I found it slightly repetitive at times and a bit hard to follow, but that may have been because it was listening to it read to me rather than reading it myself. Overall a very good book!

[Bethany Beasley · Rating 4 out of 5]

*Word problems are always related to heart problems.

*Luke 6:43-46 // Jesus’ brilliant metaphor reveals that our words are shaped and controlled by the thoughts and motives of our own hearts…. My words reveal the truest desires of my heart.

*God never reveals our hearts to discourage us. Convicting us of sin is one of the most profound ways he demonstrates his love for us. He is committed to completing His work in us.

* Even though we have been transported from the dominion of darkness to the kingdom of light, as believers we are still citizens in need of help. We do not want to minimize the significance of our rescue from the domain of darkness into the kingdom of God's Son, but this deliverance is not the end of Christ's work of salvation; it is the beginning. Once he has broken the dominion of darkness over us, he then begins to remove all the darkness within us so that we may be holy as he is holy. This is the ongoing work of his kingdom rule-our sanctification.

* Sin is by its very nature deceitful.

* When we do battle with sin in others and in ourselves, our intervention is not meant to be critical or judgmental. It is intended to point us to Christ and the glories of his grace so that we would be encouraged to follow more humbly, carefully, and faithfully.

*Humble recognition of our own need is what enables us to be God's instruments of encouragement to others. We come recognizing that we need everything that we have come to give.

*The astounding call to daily ministry is necessary because of what we are dealing with…believe that every day is a day for ministry…have an everyone, everyday view of ministry…rejoice in the fact that you are citizens in the kingdom of light, but recognize at the same time that we are all citizens still in need of help.

* This father did not realize that he and his son were the same--not in the sense that they had committed identical sins and expressed identical attitudes, but in their need of the moment-by-moment grace of God. They were the same in the fact that thinking, speaking, and doing good were beyond their ability without the grace of God. They both needed to see God's hand at work in their daily lives. And they were the same in their need to follow him by faith, loving him above anything else.

*We all need a redemptive perspective on our relationships. Before we speak, we need to ask ourselves what the Redeemer wants to accomplish in the situation, and we need to be committed to be a part of it. We are meant to be on his mission. It is in the workroom of everyday life that God builds faithful, godly, and mature children, and we are the tools he uses.

* Repentance in Scripture is defined as a radical change in your heart that leads to a radical change in your life.

* True repentance begins with a heart that rests in the work of Christ and the many promises that flow out of his victory over sin.

* The gospel is the soil in which real repentance grows. Its promises make me willing to face my sin and give me the strength to turn from it. Real hope for real change is found in Christ!

* Love means the willingness to sacrifice personal position, possessions, desires, and needs for the good of another. It is a willingness to wait, work, suffer, and give for the benefit of another. Love means being willing to lay down my life for another.

* Peace. Peace is not an absence of conflict or strife, but a position of heart that shapes ministry.

* Bring the glory of Christ with you as you minister. He is your only hope of change. Confront one another not just with human words, human wisdom, and human arguments. Confront one another with the presence and glory of Christ. Reinforce the reality that he is here and active. Be a window to his glory!"

* The most important encounter in personal ministry is not people's encounter with us, but their encounter with him. We are simply called to set up that encounter.

* Will we submit to the King, rest in his loving control, and seek to represent him in our relationships? For most of us this means repenting of a self-centeredness that causes our words to hinder the work of God. It means committing ourselves to a view that ministry is not one small aspect of our lives, but a lifestyle. This lifestyle reflects our calling by God to be his ambassadors in the everyday situations of life.

* We will never win the war of words as long as we minimize how critical a battle it is.

* Winning the war of words means speaking redemptively, and speaking redemptively is rooted in a restoration perspective on relationships. The purpose of human relationships is not human happiness. It is the work of reconciling people to God and restoring them to the image of his Son.

* Winning the war of words means never forgetting who we are. When we remember that we are what we are because of God's mercy alone, we speak with gentleness and humility as God's restorers.

* I saw that I needed the Lord that day just as much as the first day I believed.

* A thankful spirit reminds us that these are not our moments but his; he has chosen us out of the mass of humanity to be his ambassadors.

* If God is in each situation as an ever-present, helping Redeemer, then the situation reveals things about him. The problem in any situation is not that God is absent or inactive but that we tend to be blind to his presence and work.

* Listen to the talk that goes on in your home. How much of it is impatient and unkind? How often are words spoken out selfishness and personal desire? How easily do outbursts of anger occur? How often do we bring up past wrongs? How do we fail to communicate hope? How do we fail to protect? How often do our words carry threats that we have "had it" and are about to quit? Stop and listen, and you will see how much we need to hold our talk to this standard of love, and how often the truth we profess to speak has been distorted by our sin.

* In every situation I need to ask, What is the best way for my words to accomplish God's goal of grace?

*God has chosen our words to run on two tracks. The first is the track of his glory. The words of our mouths must first be acceptable to him. The second is the track of our neighbors good. God's call is that we would choose words that travel we on these tracks.

* We are not free to accomplish God's mission any way we see fit. The way we do what we are called to do must be consistent with his character and purposes.

* God is the Wonderful Counselor. He is the universe's best teacher. He knows exactly how much truth we are able to understand and to bear. One of the last things Christ said to his disciples was that there was much more that he had to say to them, but they were not able to bear it. He promised to send another teacher who would continue to instruct them. God always reveals truth to us at the right moment.

*Word problems always point to heart problems.

* What is the fruit produced by your communication? Do you leave others encouraged, hopeful, and loved? Do your words lead to forgiveness, reconciliation, and peace? Does your communication impart wisdom and encourage faith? Or do your words lead to discouragement, division, condemnation, bitterness, and foolishness?

* What do our words tell us? Do they tell us that we are living for earthly bread? God's goodness, love, power, glory, and call to us do not change in the absence of earthly bread.
If he is the object of our hunger, we can have joy even in the middle of suffering. Whose bread are we really seeking?
What is revealed by our reactions and words?

* Instead of "God, why me?" we should be able to say, "God, thank you. I want more of your salvation.
Lord, I want all that you can give me. I know you are not done with me yet." The struggles are not a mistake. They are tokens of redemptive love. Trials should not lead us to doubt the love of the King; they should convince us of it.

* The Deceiver wants us to claim the world of words as our own, to speak out of our own will, to speak for our own glory, and to speak out of selfish hearts committed only to what seems best for us. Here again, the war of words is really a war for sovereignty. What ever or whoever rules our hearts will control the words we speak.

* God is active in every moment of our lives, and he brings all things into our lives for our redemptive good.

*Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us do not make us say what we say; they are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal themselves in words.

*An idolatrous heart will produce idol words, words that serve the idol that grips us. It is hard for us to hold our desires loosely. Instead, they tend to take hold of us. Our desires tend to get elevated to a position where they should never be.

* Words that are spoken up to God's standard and according to his design always begin with a heart that loves God above all else, and therefore desires to speak in a loving way to one’s neighbor.

* The wholesome talk of the body of Christ at home, church, or work is rooted is the glorious realities of the gospel.
The Word has come and brought with him everything we need to live a life of godly talk.

*verbal attempts at control don't always flow out of fear. They often flow from pride.

* Often our words reveal an attempt to control things for our own good. We are moved by a personal sense of what we want or what we think would be good, and so we speak in a way that guarantees we will get it. We defend, accuse, inflict guilt, manipulate, rationalize, argue, cajole, beg, plead, or threaten, all for the purpose of controlling a person or a situation.

* The gospel forces us to face our inability. The gospel also prevents us from having a communication model of weakness and inability that would cause us to look at God's goals and say, "If only we were able!" In Christ we embrace both inability and ability. The Word comes to fill us with his power precisely because we are so weak. But in Christ, we who could not stand now stand able!

* Many of our problems with words would be solved if we simply paused and asked ourselves how God would evaluate and respond to the present situation. We just let our thoughts run without challenging them.

* Every word we speak is rooted either in the truth or in a lie.

* when we blame people and situations for our problems, below the surface we at also making accusations against God.

* Words that challenge God's authority, lies, false interpretations of life, accusations and blame against God and man all have their origin in this dramatic moment of change… No longer do we simply reflect the image of God with our words; we also reflect the image of the Serpent. No longer do we consistently speak up to God's standard; we often speak down to the Serpent's. No longer are our words a faithful picture of God's design; too often they picture Satan's deceit.

[Mark Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

War of Words written by Paul Tripp is a book about communication, uniquely written for the purpose of helping readers to confront the sin that lies in the heart. This book on communication is not a book that offers new ideas or communication techniques; it offers practical and biblical exhortation. The pattern of truth discussed reminds readers that sinful communication takes place as a result of the heart; in spite of the best methods and communication techniques the heart will foil communication every time. Reading about real people, and real arguments helps the reader to identify personal weakness and sin regarding communication.

Tripp begins the book by reminding readers that God is the one who has given man the privilege of words. The ability to communicate on a complicated level is one of the things that separates humanity from the rest of God’s creation. Man has always had trouble being a good steward of this gift that God has graciously given. Since this is true, it should motivate all Christian readers to pray for change and listen closely to God’s advice on the matter. The Bible offers a great deal of practical truth and help for communication; Tripp has a special ability to make it even more practical by offering a list of suggestions in nearly every chapter.

War of Words is not a very long book, and Tripp is a prolific writer. His experience in writing and counseling qualifies him to write such a book. Although at times, it seems that maybe Mrs. Tripp would have been more qualified (smile now); as Paul demonstrates transparency it is clear that his wife is the better communicator, and she often helps him. Paul’s transparency gave credit to the book. He shares his own personal experience which always included repentance and the sanctifying work of God. In the introduction to the book Tripp did share his own weakness of communicating poorly. I always appreciate the transparency and humility of the author. Whenever I review books I like to include how I have been most moved by God, the author, and the content.

Tripp breaks the book up into three sections, Talk is Not Cheap, A New Agenda for Our Talk, and Winning the War of Words. In the first section Tripp examined the source of words, the first use of deceiving words, and the Solution for idol words. The second section, Tripp examined the Solution, which is Christ. Christ is the reason for necessary change, and He is the one who enables change. As his ambassadors Christians must take the war of words seriously. Tripp explains the war to readers, and he has explained the reason for fighting this war, but in the third section he explains how to fight in the war of words.

From time to time Tripp revealed his reformed persuasion. While this was not necessarily a weakness, it was a distraction. Perhaps it is a weakness for this reader; whenever reformed philosophy appears in writing it always leads to a slight unrest. Despite the slight distraction the book was very helpful and inspirational. Nearly half way through the book Tripp discussed the biblical truth that Christians are ambassadors of God. This is not a new concept, but this portion of the book was a good reminder that Christians also represent God with words, and thoughts, not only actions.

One of the most influential parts of the book was chapter ten, On the Kings Mission. Tripp shares a scenario of a real situation involving a disappointed father as he discovers that his son has been involved in sinful communication. The point of the chapter was this, it is important to communicate and correct in a redemptive way. God gives people opportunities to participate in the lives of others; these opportunities can include conversation, influence or correction; ultimately, this a continuation of ambassador status.

Participating in the lives of others is a task that is neither small nor unimportant. The last mentioned truths should compel Christians to immediately examine themselves in the area of communication. Tripp writes the book from a reformed perspective, but any reader, deterministic or libertarian should be able to appreciate the way that Tripp makes Christ central in the communication process by suggesting redemptive communication.

As Christians face challenging conversation, people, and corrective situations they must approach all with the thought of redemption. God is involved in the lives of all His children, and he is using other Christians in this sanctification process. It would be wonderful if every Christian would approach others with a redemptive agenda, rather than being selfish. It would be wonderful if every Christian that faced correction from another, responded with humility. Since God’s plan in everyone’s life is not clear, it is best to approach communication redemptively. Given the privilege to communicate to others, it would only make sense to communicate in a way that brings out the best in people. Even faced with negativity and selfish communication a Christian should be able to recognize that God is working to bring out the best in every Christian. Since this is true, it should be the goal in the life of each Christian to do likewise.

Near the conclusion of the book Tripp shares a four step method of repentance. The first step, is consideration; each Christian must realize that they often see the shortcomings of others, but rarely see their own faults. The Christian must examine himself or herself regularly by looking in the mirror of God’s Word. The second step is confessing; each Christian must confess their sin of communication, but also realize that our sinful hearts are responsible for the words used. Tripp states, “we cannot confess sins of communication without confessing the sinful attitudes that have shaped our words.” The third step is commitment, and requires each Christian to prepare for success in the war of words. The fourth step is change, and this is what God wants for each Christian, a change of heart that leads to a change in communication.

The War of Words is unlike other books on communication. A reader will not discover any new communication techniques or methods. However, the reader will find old truths from God’s Word that remind readers about the importance of godly communication. Tripp wrote the book in such transparency that most readers will be able to identify with him and his communication struggles. He also discussed the faults of others, the scenarios presented are also relative to readers because most people struggle with communication. The most thoughtful point made in the book was the importance to communicate redemptively. One cannot always see God’s involvement in the life of others, however, it would be best for each Christian to be aware of God’s involvement and with such awareness appreciate the privilege of also being involved. What a joy to know that each Christian can partner with God to be a help in the lives of others. God uses other Christians and their words to encourage, exhort, edify, and graciously correct, all for the purpose of biblical change.

Tripp, David, Paul. 2001 War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles. Phillipsburg, NJ: P & R Publishing.

[Sam Files · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Every word we speak must be up to God's standard and according to his design. They should echo the Great Speaker and reflect his glory. Talk was created by God for his purpose. Our words belong to Him" "Word problems reveal heart problems. The people and situations around us do not make us say what we say; they are only the occasion for our hearts to reveal themselves in words."
"I realized that how I handle situations- what I say- is very important. Either I am taking control and handling things in the way that seems best to me, or I am responding in a way that makes me part of what God wants to do through the circumstance. We all need a redemptive perspective on our relationships. Before we speak, we need to ask ourselves what the Redeemer wants to accomplish in the situation, and we need to be committed to be a part of it."

One of the best books I have read this year. I was looking for a book on communication as a believer and this was an answer to that request. PDT reminds us that its not about more communication lessons, more conflict management techniques, etc but the struggle with communication is a heart issue. He gives questions to reflect on at the end of each chapter that are really helpful to process what you have just read. He gives relatable examples from his own life/struggle with communication and stories from the people he counsels. He walks through scripture as well as questions to ask yourself/tips to follow that may aid to the Lord healing this area in your life. He walks through the way the Lord designed our words to be used, how the fall tainted that, and how we see that play out today. He reminds the reader that this struggle will always exist on this side of eternity and because we will never achieve perfection it shows our great need for the Lord in the War against Words. HIGHLY recommend this book to any believer and highly recommend it to anyone who struggles to take control/captive their words.

[Brooke Phelan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Biblical wisdom and application. So good. Great reminders for me in communication in my relationships. (I need all the help I can get! This mouth gets me in trouble!)

Everyone should read this book.

Here are several of the quotes that resonated with me:

… fear driven talk forgets one of the most precious promises of the gospel: that Christ right now, at this moment, is ruling all things for our particular benefit as his children.

Luke 6:45 “For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks”. Word problems always point to heart problems. Examining where we have trouble with our talk will reveal what is ruling our hearts.

Our weakness will not get in the way of what the Lord wants to do in us. Our delusions of strength will!

Gentleness doesn’t mean compromising the truth. Rather, it means keeping the truth from being compromised by harshness and insensitivity.

Peace is an inner rest, contentment, security, and hope that stems from an active trust in the presence, power, rule, and grace of Christ.

The most important encounter in personal ministry is not people’s encounter with us, but their encounter with him. We are simply called to set up that encounter.

Our words are the principal tool God uses in the work he does through us. So we confess to our selfish, wandering hearts, and we commit to a new way of speaking, one that takes our calling seriously.

The purpose of human relationships is not human happiness. It is the work of reconciling people to God and restoring them to the image of his Son.

If we are ever going to choose words that allow us to be God's instruments of change, we have to start by acknowledging our own need of his grace.

Wait. Pray. Think. Speak.

Wholesome talk submits both to the call of God and the need of our neighbor.

-Paul David Tripp, WAR OF WORDS

[Abbey · Rating 4 out of 5]

“God has given our words significance. He has ordained them to be important. Words were significant at creation and at the Fall.”

“Word problems are always related to heart problems. Examining where we have trouble with our talk will reveal what is ruling our hearts.”

-“…for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
‭‭Luke‬ ‭6:45‬ ‭ESV‬‬
-““But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭15:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“God is at work in every situation to conform us to the image of his Son.”

We read in scripture that God cares about our words, gives instruction for how to use words and that we’ll be held accountable for our words. This is something I’ve long felt convicted of without having the specific references as to why.
My speech in one arena might look different than my speech in another arena- on the grounds of integrity this bothered me, but I couldn’t fully articulate why this would matter to God. “He cares about the heart after all!” Ah, but according to his word our speech offers a front row view to the condition and affections of our heart.

From the beginning of creation and significance of words, to trials, conflict resolution and the “how and why” of choosing our words Paul Tripp presents a biblical view on words.
A good read for anyone desiring to communicate more clearly in a way that represents God and renders him glory.
I appreciated the personal reflection questions at the end of each chapter though I felt this book could have been trimmed down significantly it was convicting and applicable.

[Chase Riebel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tripp's War of Words acts as a succinct introduction to the purpose, misuse, and redemption of human communication. The whole work acts on the presumption that hurtful, selfish, and manipulative speech is ultimately a result of a misaligned heart as opposed to one's circumstances. This is true, but the book's primary drive is not an exhortation to "just stop it." Instead, Tripp focuses on how the Gospel seeks to redeem one's words; words that were originally intended to bring praise, honor, and glory to the God who gave the gift of words in the first place.

While not ground-breakingly profound, this book still acts as a phenomenal resource for the church that should not be underutilized. Whether it is used for counseling or as a mere recommendation, Tripp's War of Words is worth a visit.

[Xiaoman DeBoer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably one of my favorite theological books. It's even more exciting to find out that Paul is a friend of Timothy Keller. These two are my favorite authors at the moment.
Very accessible. Speaking into the heart.
I like that the author had counseling experience, which gives more sympathy and practical insights when speaking of the word problems we had encountered in daily life. I also like the author to explain this topic from a biblical view first. The word problem is not only a word problem, but the relationship problem between you and God. How to solve the relationship problem? Trust and submit to God. Pray to God. Then move to the word problem. How to solve that? Think and evaluate yourself first, clear your heart and mind, and speak with honesty and love. The call for Christians is to speak encouragement and love.
Love this book! It's wonderful!

[Lindsay Hart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot overemphasize how helpful this book has been to me. I’ve known many Bible verses about speech for years but couldn’t figure out how to have sustainable growth in wise and discerning and helpful speech. I constantly wrestled with regret, fear, and feeling lost in the area of communication, and this book came to the rescue! It starts with the big picture of how everything we do fits into God’s plan and our identity in Christ. So it gives that framework and then shows throughout the rest of the book how this new agenda and identity changes our speech and relationships. I’ve been longing for a resource like this for at least 12 years! I would highly recommend this book as required reading for premarital counseling.

[David Clouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Alrighty Dr. Tripp, this book had a bit of a slow start where I was surprised I might give out a three, but after about two or three chapters it really picked up the content. Another great book by Tripp with some caveats. In this book (maybe more than others or maybe I just read a bit more critically?) I found myself having some disagreements theologically with some things Tripp said or thinking what he had written was just too simplified. Outside of that, though, he had some really great quotes and one of my favorites from any book so far so I'll leave you with it (the context helps the quote a bit but I'm not writing it all out so you just get the quote).

"I tend to forget that God is focused not on the 'success' of my day but on the godliness of my character." This has convicted me many times over the past few days. In traffic, at work, at home, etc. may it help you too.

[Cliff Dailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title really says it all. This book helps the reader process through understanding the reason for human struggle with words. Tripp skillfully uses the Bible as a map to understand the historical narrative and even gives multiple counseling/pastoral examples for ourselves. Lastly, the reflections questions at the end of every chapter really help the reader draw out the struggle and plan to engage the problem of the heart: sin.

Great read and a great resource for anyone wanting to start with self-counseling and to help counsel others to live in God's design for communication.

[Craig · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book over the space of a year and a half for our Men's Bible Study. As always, Tripp does an excellent job with practical theology, ably applying scripture to (in this case) our tongues and the way we speak. Biblically-built. Heart-engaging. God-glorifying.