Stan: Tackling My Demons

by Stan Collymore, Oliver Holt

The searingly honest and at times harrowing autobiography of the former Liverpool, Aston Villa and England striker. Exposes the dark and often seedy world hidden behind the glamorous facade of professional football. ‘I was a mess. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t structure my day properly. I couldn’t face having a shower or getting dressed. Those all seemed like major events I didn’t want to confront.’ Once the most charismatic and expensive player in the new Premiership flooded with cash, Stan Collymore had, by the age of 28, booked himself into The Priory to treat his depression, close to self-destruction and unable to get his head round playing at all. Along the way, he had been the goalscorer nobody wanted to congratulate, the centre-forward no one knew how to manage, a deeply reluctant star in a tabloid culture that saw him make the front pages as often as the back, and that waited for him to crack up or lash out. When he eventually did, it was, infamously, inevitably, at his then celebrity girlfriend, Ulrika Jonsson. But then retired from football in 2001 and finding himself in the commentary box, he proved he did care about the game, rather too much perhaps, sounding like a fan as much as an ex-player – and at a stroke he had more in common with the rest of the nation. He knew it was all so much more than a game, and what happened on the field was only a reflection of what was going on inside players’ heads. The contradictions remain. A man, who had a steady stream of celebrity women falling at his feet, shamed by his voyeurism in a Cannock car park; a star with everything who was once discovered by his wife tightening a belt around his neck; a loving dad of two whose own father walked out of the marital home and who Collymore continues to blot from his memory to this day; a footballer who abstains from drugs, yet who needs therapy at Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous; the loner slated for his aloofness who found critical acclaim as a football pundit on national prime-time radio. This is Stan Collymore’s own life story, the real person on his flawed character and personal demons, telling it like you have never seen before – raw and uncut.

Genres: Football, Biography, Sports, Autobiography

354 pages, Hardcover

First published October 31, 2004

Reviews

[Alexander · Rating 1 out of 5]

Great footballer, horrible human being. Extremely selfish n unpleasant.

I remember watching stan on the telly in the 90s together with my father. He thought stan resembled me (look wise). im also a mixed child so i cud relate to some of what stan was saying about being mixed and not being white yet not being black/brown.

i dont really see his logic. he slams ron atkinson extremely hard for once saying ni##er. i totaly agree that that word is awful and should be banned. he labels ron a racist. paul mcgrath loved ron so not sure if he really is that bad person.

BUT here it comes; when stan himself f#cks up, then he brings on a lot of excuses and self pity and ask for 2nd chances. and, he does not label himself a permanent woman beater for his hit on ulrika...

Also, he is exactly like his father. But when his fathers affairs are talked about (having a child they didnt know about or something like that...) Stan is extremely derogatery towards his father. His fathers women affairs are frowned highly upon. But Stan is just the same, juggling 4-5 women at the same time.

Worse, stan cud have 4-5 gfs but when his wife did the same and was out Dating, stan became a monster of jealousy n very violent. Scary person.

I am not a big fan of people who blame their short comings on other people and see themselves as victims. Stan is a big baby whiner.

[Lee Garner · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thought this book was terrible. Self pity feel sorry for me. Well I didn't and don't feel sorry for him. Thought as a player he was gifted, talented player most of the top clubs in the world wanted.

He gets a few good reviews on here but not from me. I read a lot of autobiographies and this was one the worst ones I have tackled.

I respect him for writing about his bad times but I felt something different when I read the way it was written.

Might be me....but not for me this book....and after reading this he's not for me anymore!

[Rob Spooner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was a re-read due to Stan's renewed interest in my hometown football club, Southend United, ahead of his return there recently as a 'Senior Football Strategist'. I'd forgotten so many details in the fifteen years or so that I last read it - slightly disturbing in itself - so it was a worthwhile read.

Stan explains well how the effects of depression, a sex addiction, and the 'celebrity culture' (which brought further turmoil to his already complicated life) led to his premature retirement from football. The Ulrika Jonsson affair is tackled without shying away from the acknowledgement of his shameful act of violence towards her and his remorse at how he might be judged by his mother Doreen as "just like your father", a brutal man who assaulted Doreen in front of the young Stan.

It's probably not one for readers uninterested in football but there are some telling insights into English social history, race and identity issues - Stan is of mixed race - and of Stan's efforts to manage his mental health problems within an environment where such issues were not recognised so readily, even in this century.

I'm delighted that Stan seems to have come through this difficult time so well - even at the end of this book, it was uncertain what the future held for him - and it's possible that his further immersion in football as a pundit, broadcaster and now with a role at the club that provided what he described as his happiest times as a player (in 1992-3) has helped to give him the 'buzz' and purpose that he sought via other means which brought further shame to him, e.g. the 'dogging' stories of 2004. I hope that Stan can stay well and that his new role will bring him a fulfillment that eluded him in his younger days of playing the game at a very high level.

[Gareth Lloyd · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, a frank insight into a very talented but troubled footballer's life.

Stan admits his shortcomings, such as the whole Ulrika saga (although I'm sure she will have her own side of the story in her book).

Stan also goes into detail about his mental health struggles, which at the time of this book being published was quite a brave step.

All in all, a good read. I would have given it 5 stars were it not for the lengthy diary extracts. I'm not sure they were entirely needed.

[Lumumba Mthembu · Rating 3 out of 5]

At 1st I was struck by the honesty of Collymore's revelations, but as I approached the end of the biography my sympathy waned. Look no further than the ex-footballer to see how hurt people hurt people. The trail of broken hearts in the man's wake leads to the gates of hell. Like bodily fitness, mental health requires you to do the work. Here endeth tonight's lesson.

[Carla · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting read which absolutely pulls no punches. Stan is brutally honest about his life which has been very tough. Everything is there from his struggles with racists (he names them), mental illness and sex addiction. I hope he has found peace in his life.

[Apu · Rating 4 out of 5]

I dismissed Stan Collymore many years ago as a woman-beating dickhead who had unforgivably wasted an amazing football talent.

How could you not, his underachievement as a striker was there for all to see and then there was the Ulrika moment and his dogging incident too.

So I was very surprised when Talksport, (a national radio station surprisingly dedicated to, er, sport) took him on as a presenter. I was even more surprised when he turned out to be very good presenter. I was then flabergasted to hear him stand-in on the mid-morning 'heavy' section of the radio and more than hold his own against some very senior and knowledgeable people on a wide variety of subjects.

This was when I first heard him talk about the mental health problems that have beset him his whole life and eventually led me to pick his book out in the library.

I am so glad that I did. Most auto-biographies that I read are desperate attempts to portray their author in a better light. Stan's doesn't. He talks about his mental problems openly. Many are to do with doubts and insecurities that we all would feel, however the consequences of his are much more unsettling.

He doesn't fall back on these problems as justifications for a relatively wasted career and definitely not for the 'Ulrika hitting' incident.

What he does do is point out what may be the blindingly obvious but most definitely easily forgotten - namely that sports stars and celebrities have their own problems,the same as anybody else and when those around don't help and or recognise these problems, the tragic consequences are compounded by money and fame, not prevented by it.

[Helen Fairfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

This guy I live with is quite the football fan so we often have Talk Sport on in the background. As a result I've come to think of Stan as one of the family. Stan is a genuinely fascinating character with real insights into his experiences of fame, professional football and mental illness. I am bored witless by football but I really enjoyed Stan's story. His narrative voice is captivating throughout; I love his epic vocbulary but particularly the way he prefixes all his most awesome words with 'fucking', so it's always 'fucking minutiae' or 'fucking diaspora'. I also love his commitment to Morrissey in the final chapter. Spolier alert but at the end he resolves to 'look after my own garden, or whatever Voltaire attributed to his hero at the end of Candide'. Don't underestimate Stan - he is full of surprises.

[Sarah Stocks · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be honest I was not sure what to think reading this...of course I had read all the coverage about him, but wanted to hear his side. A searingly honest account which at times is harrowing. He does not try to hide from his mistakes, but yet there are contradictions for example estelle seeing other men, yet he saw other women while they were together. He really lifts the lid on the sanitised premiership and highlights the poor management skills many managers have....they want robots not individuals. No wonder England are so bad! The honesty with how he talks about depression I can relate to and I found it harrowing how unsupported he was.

[Andy Dale · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stan is a Villa fan and sadly his expensive move to the team he supported brought much heartbreak. This is a story of a very complex character. A player of gifted ability but a very complex mind. Some of the episodes in Stan's life are well-known but he takes the reader to the bare bones of it in this book. Dealing with issues that obviously still cause him pain. In a way this book shows that footballers are just like the rest of us deep down. Certainly a book to make you think about how you would cope with fame.

[Bjorn Hardarson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stan Collymore is was a great footballer but his problem had problems that had he tells about in his book. I think it is a great book as it is in the first book I read someone tells his side of being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. many great footballer as Maradonna and Stan have personality disorder but few know it. Interesting to see also that his best respect for a manager was Martin O'Neill who had good influence on him

[Chris Mcclelland · Rating 4 out of 5]

much better than I thought it could be