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Coping with Limerence: A practical guide to control your addiction to an unsuitable love interest
Limerence is an unpleasant and often misunderstood condition. Having limerence is not the same as a crush as it lasts much longer, often for decades. It is a kind of obsessive love that includes compulsive thoughts and fantasies. The emotional pain that is part of limerence is devastating and paralyzes the life of the limerent person. To constantly crave another person’s attention is like being in a self-made prison.
But what if there was a way to trick or control your limerent brain to react differently to your addiction?
This short read book, written by a fellow limerent, proposes four types of self-help techniques to manage feelings of desperation, overwhelm, loneliness and total despair. The author does not claim that limerence will be cured, but rather proposes some coping mechanisms to help others in the grip of limerence to take back some control over their lives (based on own experiences). These techniques could be helpful during periods of no contact.
The book is not suitable for readers who are skeptical of alternative emotional healing modalities.
But what if there was a way to trick or control your limerent brain to react differently to your addiction?
This short read book, written by a fellow limerent, proposes four types of self-help techniques to manage feelings of desperation, overwhelm, loneliness and total despair. The author does not claim that limerence will be cured, but rather proposes some coping mechanisms to help others in the grip of limerence to take back some control over their lives (based on own experiences). These techniques could be helpful during periods of no contact.
The book is not suitable for readers who are skeptical of alternative emotional healing modalities.
32 pages, Kindle Edition
Published February 15, 2018
9 people are currently reading
25 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
November 27, 2023
not what I was hoping for
Not enough in-depth advice on how to heal this life derailing condition.
There are other books out there that offer more details on how to get rid of this condition permanently. It will take a lot of work and you need a whole new approach to your thinking,but it is worth all the effort .
This condition is a lot like ocd
Not enough in-depth advice on how to heal this life derailing condition.
There are other books out there that offer more details on how to get rid of this condition permanently. It will take a lot of work and you need a whole new approach to your thinking,but it is worth all the effort .
This condition is a lot like ocd
October 14, 2021
Only relieving the symptoms
Limmerance is a very serious problem. If you want to get past limmerance, you gotta find the root cause of limmerance, which is always a developmental trauma aka it has everything to do with person's relationship with their primary care givers and childhood.
This book doesn't mention anything about the toot causes of limmerance and invites you to plunge into a see of superficial tools to deal with merely the symptom without addressing the cause. That is disappointing at best, and dangerous at worst.
Limmerance is a very serious problem. If you want to get past limmerance, you gotta find the root cause of limmerance, which is always a developmental trauma aka it has everything to do with person's relationship with their primary care givers and childhood.
This book doesn't mention anything about the toot causes of limmerance and invites you to plunge into a see of superficial tools to deal with merely the symptom without addressing the cause. That is disappointing at best, and dangerous at worst.
April 4, 2021
This book may be helpful for some. I'm far enough out of my limerent episode (I hope) that a lot of the exercises in here are unnecessary, but I will keep it in mind in case I have a bad flare again. I did not try them out and can't speak to their effectiveness, but concrete things like this may be useful and is a strategy I hadn't seen in the other resources I've been reading.
However, the author and I do not share a fundamental attitude toward limerence, and their clear disgust with it makes it hard to trust their advice. I've suffered a great deal due to limerence, but I've also had some of the best experiences of my life. I do not wish to pathologize it, as this author seems very intent on doing. I think I am better suited to resources developed by people who wouldn't just wish limerence into non-existence.
However, the author and I do not share a fundamental attitude toward limerence, and their clear disgust with it makes it hard to trust their advice. I've suffered a great deal due to limerence, but I've also had some of the best experiences of my life. I do not wish to pathologize it, as this author seems very intent on doing. I think I am better suited to resources developed by people who wouldn't just wish limerence into non-existence.
November 27, 2025
Hmm. I had a therapist once who believed in tapping. I'm not really sure I believe in it, but I'm not in a place right now thankfully where I need to try this for limerence at least. (Thank goodness!)
August 18, 2018
The Subject is Universal and Important
The book seems light and slightly crackpot. If theae techniques relieve the pain of limerence, fabulous. But i believe limerence is a fatal personality flaw that requires deep and possibly guided inquiry. Not everyone falls victim to these impossible longings. For those of us who do, I suspect we have other attachment/abandonment/trust issues. The book, while well-intended, is inadequate and may do harm by suggesting that performing monkeyshine gestures while chanting provocative switchwords is sufficient to break the hold. Such efforts may postpone but will not defuse the potential for escalation to desperate measures. Better to find a shrink, and if necessary, school them in limerence. Better yet, read Dorothy Tennov's definitive work on limerence: Love and Limerence in order to understand the dis-ease. It is not "curable" and may deceive you by tranferring to a different LO. Beware.
The book seems light and slightly crackpot. If theae techniques relieve the pain of limerence, fabulous. But i believe limerence is a fatal personality flaw that requires deep and possibly guided inquiry. Not everyone falls victim to these impossible longings. For those of us who do, I suspect we have other attachment/abandonment/trust issues. The book, while well-intended, is inadequate and may do harm by suggesting that performing monkeyshine gestures while chanting provocative switchwords is sufficient to break the hold. Such efforts may postpone but will not defuse the potential for escalation to desperate measures. Better to find a shrink, and if necessary, school them in limerence. Better yet, read Dorothy Tennov's definitive work on limerence: Love and Limerence in order to understand the dis-ease. It is not "curable" and may deceive you by tranferring to a different LO. Beware.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews