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Didn't See It Coming: Overcoming the Seven Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences
An influential pastor, podcaster, and thought leader believes it's not only possible to predict life's hardest moments, but also to alter outcomes, overcome challenges, and defeat your fiercest adversaries.Founding Pastor of one of North America's most influential churches, Carey Nieuwhof wants to help you avoid and overcome life's seven hardest and most crippling cynicism, compromise, disconnectedness, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and emptiness. These are challenges that few of us expect but that we all experience at some point. If you have yet to confront these obstacles, Carey provides clear tools and guidelines for anticipation and avoidance. On the other hand, if you already feel stuck in a painful experience or are wrestling with one of these challenges, he provides the steps you need to find a way out and a way forward into a more powerful and vibrant future.
229 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 4, 2018
508 people are currently reading
2637 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 479 reviews
July 14, 2018
I can count on one hand the number of books to which I say “I need to re-read this book every year” after I finish them.
This is one of them. Gold.
This is one of them. Gold.
May 6, 2018
This book is brilliant. Covering seven of life’s challenges – cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, burnout and emptiness – Carey Nieuwhof writes in a warm, engaging style while pulling no punches.
Be warned – this book might cut close to the bone. I found a couple of the chapters quite unnerving. Carey offers sound insights as he addresses the challenges, mixing principles with engaging stories and suggestions. He writes in a way that is practical and grounded.
A few of my favourites:
“Most cynics are former optimists.”
“Knowledge often brings sorrow because the more you know, the more you see life for what it really is.”
“You project past failures on to new situations.”
“When you close your heart to people, you close your heart to God.”
“Pride is in many ways, the master sin.”
“Perhaps the most disturbing part of my burnout was the loss of hope.”
“Figuring out how to live today, so you will thrive tomorrow.”
I would recommend this book to anyone over the age of thirty, and to those who are younger and hope to learn before they make their mistakes.
Be warned – this book might cut close to the bone. I found a couple of the chapters quite unnerving. Carey offers sound insights as he addresses the challenges, mixing principles with engaging stories and suggestions. He writes in a way that is practical and grounded.
A few of my favourites:
“Most cynics are former optimists.”
“Knowledge often brings sorrow because the more you know, the more you see life for what it really is.”
“You project past failures on to new situations.”
“When you close your heart to people, you close your heart to God.”
“Pride is in many ways, the master sin.”
“Perhaps the most disturbing part of my burnout was the loss of hope.”
“Figuring out how to live today, so you will thrive tomorrow.”
I would recommend this book to anyone over the age of thirty, and to those who are younger and hope to learn before they make their mistakes.
July 25, 2018
Like the epic burger, this one is In 'n' Out. It will take you IN - into your own heart to explore and reveal. In some cases, this will be hindsight that makes sense of past experiences. In others, it will be a warning that can help you avoid considerable pain and havoc - or at least give you ideas for making the pain managed and surgical as you cut out unhealthy ways of thinking, feeling and acting.
It takes you OUT as well. The personal calamities that Carey examines are those that cripple our lives OUT in the world around us, from family relationships to career endeavors.
I just turned 60, so I recognized some of the seven challenges as having loomed large in different seasons of my life. Some are still to be overcome, and I found myself scribbling notes and to-do lists like crazy. His description of burnout beats anything you'll read, even articles in professional psych publications. It's precise in its real life examples and painful in the personal journey he relates. And helpful in the real tools he offers for getting life back on a healthy track.
As someone who's gone over decades of challenging territory and tried to share my little journey in writing ( Raising a Child with Autism ) I humbly and heartily endorse Didn't See It Coming as a magnificent resource.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.
It takes you OUT as well. The personal calamities that Carey examines are those that cripple our lives OUT in the world around us, from family relationships to career endeavors.
I just turned 60, so I recognized some of the seven challenges as having loomed large in different seasons of my life. Some are still to be overcome, and I found myself scribbling notes and to-do lists like crazy. His description of burnout beats anything you'll read, even articles in professional psych publications. It's precise in its real life examples and painful in the personal journey he relates. And helpful in the real tools he offers for getting life back on a healthy track.
As someone who's gone over decades of challenging territory and tried to share my little journey in writing ( Raising a Child with Autism ) I humbly and heartily endorse Didn't See It Coming as a magnificent resource.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.
July 27, 2018
In “Didn’t See it Coming” Carey Nieuwhof outlines seven challenges that can catch a pastor or leader by surprise even though they are ubiquitous. The seven challenges are Cynicism, Compromise, Disconnection, Irrelevance, Pride, Burnout, and Emptiness. Carey calls these seven challenges “epidemics of our age.” While these things have a tendency to catch us off guard, they don’t need to if we see the warning signs.
The book addresses these seven challenges in their own section each with two chapters. The first chapter in each section describes the challenge and, through a variety of lists (reflecting the style and content of his popular blog), the warning signs. The second chapter of the section gives ways (steps, keys) on addressing the challenge before it wreaks havoc on one’s life.
I welcome Nieuwhof’s experiences and transparent reflections. You can feel his pain as he relates his experience with each of the challenges. For those of us who have experienced depression, his chapter on burn out will feel far too real.
While the entire book speaks to a leader’s life, I found the sections on pride and emptiness were especially helpful. He points out pride’s subtle grasp and addresses the emptiness of getting everything life can offer. Perhaps those two sections are worth getting the book, reading it, and discussing it with others.
While I highly recommend the book (don’t skip the last two chapters as they are key), as I read a thought kept nagging me. Nieuwhof is a gifted and talented leader. Most of us are not as gifted and talented as he is. We will never preach in front of thousands, write multiple books, or have thousands of followers on social media. There’s a danger that while reading the book, we envy Cary’s successes.
For example, Nieuwhof describes burnout after preaching to a crowd at North Point even though people were telling him he “hit it out of the park.” While I understand his point that burnout hits us even when we might be successful, I wonder about those who do not feel successful. I wonder about those who are serving God through difficult seasons and circumstances. I wonder about those who serve small congregations faithfully, but may not receive accolades, ever.
In one place he quotes a friend saying, “If God wants to go deep, it’s because he wants to take you far.” I wondered “far” should be defined. Some may define “far” in terms of quantifiable significance; big numbers, big ministry, big influence. Carey has gone far in terms of numbers and influence. How does far-ness relate to those who feel like they have gone deep with God, yet God has not taken them far? Are they fooling themselves? Have they really not gone as deep with God as they believe because, after all, they are serving small congregations, few read their blog, or their business isn’t as influential as they would like? Would disappointment take hold of them?
Carey alludes to the tendency of wanting what others have even though in our head we know it will lead to devastation. Some may read of Carey’s experience and read past the pain accompanying it, thinking, “Wow. Speaking at North Point Church, having hundreds of thousands read my blog, having the largest church in my denomination would be great!” Perhaps a section on “jealousy” and “envy” would have been helpful. I would have also loved to see him address disillusionment and the disappointment that settles in when reality doesn’t match expectations.
While there may be more than seven challenges knock leaders off course, if the reader takes to heart Carey’s message, they should be able to rest in God’s presence no matter what their circumstances may be. I’m thankful that Carey uses his platform to warn leaders of the subtle and deceptive thoughts that lodge in a leader’s soul. Carey gives leaders a head’s up so they won’t be blindsided. If the reader allows his message deeper access to his or her soul, other challenges, not addressed, can be seen and addressed as well.
While Nieuwhof mostly addresses pastors and leaders, I feel many who do not fall into those two categories also experience these seven challenges. They are the “epidemic of our age” as we seek to be validated in whatever capacity we find ourselves. I encourage anyone, leader or not, to take the time to read Nieuwhof’s book and discuss it with others. It will help you to recognize the warning signs before your life spins out of control.
Throughout the book, Carey gives great insights and some wonderful quotes. I thought I’d end this review with a few:
“Some days, simply avoiding stupid is a win.” (I think this is my favorite).
“But just because God is silent doesn’t mean he is absent.”
“Love has a speed. And it’s slower than I am.”
“If you want to beet emptiness, find a mission that’s bigger than you.”
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.
The book addresses these seven challenges in their own section each with two chapters. The first chapter in each section describes the challenge and, through a variety of lists (reflecting the style and content of his popular blog), the warning signs. The second chapter of the section gives ways (steps, keys) on addressing the challenge before it wreaks havoc on one’s life.
I welcome Nieuwhof’s experiences and transparent reflections. You can feel his pain as he relates his experience with each of the challenges. For those of us who have experienced depression, his chapter on burn out will feel far too real.
While the entire book speaks to a leader’s life, I found the sections on pride and emptiness were especially helpful. He points out pride’s subtle grasp and addresses the emptiness of getting everything life can offer. Perhaps those two sections are worth getting the book, reading it, and discussing it with others.
While I highly recommend the book (don’t skip the last two chapters as they are key), as I read a thought kept nagging me. Nieuwhof is a gifted and talented leader. Most of us are not as gifted and talented as he is. We will never preach in front of thousands, write multiple books, or have thousands of followers on social media. There’s a danger that while reading the book, we envy Cary’s successes.
For example, Nieuwhof describes burnout after preaching to a crowd at North Point even though people were telling him he “hit it out of the park.” While I understand his point that burnout hits us even when we might be successful, I wonder about those who do not feel successful. I wonder about those who are serving God through difficult seasons and circumstances. I wonder about those who serve small congregations faithfully, but may not receive accolades, ever.
In one place he quotes a friend saying, “If God wants to go deep, it’s because he wants to take you far.” I wondered “far” should be defined. Some may define “far” in terms of quantifiable significance; big numbers, big ministry, big influence. Carey has gone far in terms of numbers and influence. How does far-ness relate to those who feel like they have gone deep with God, yet God has not taken them far? Are they fooling themselves? Have they really not gone as deep with God as they believe because, after all, they are serving small congregations, few read their blog, or their business isn’t as influential as they would like? Would disappointment take hold of them?
Carey alludes to the tendency of wanting what others have even though in our head we know it will lead to devastation. Some may read of Carey’s experience and read past the pain accompanying it, thinking, “Wow. Speaking at North Point Church, having hundreds of thousands read my blog, having the largest church in my denomination would be great!” Perhaps a section on “jealousy” and “envy” would have been helpful. I would have also loved to see him address disillusionment and the disappointment that settles in when reality doesn’t match expectations.
While there may be more than seven challenges knock leaders off course, if the reader takes to heart Carey’s message, they should be able to rest in God’s presence no matter what their circumstances may be. I’m thankful that Carey uses his platform to warn leaders of the subtle and deceptive thoughts that lodge in a leader’s soul. Carey gives leaders a head’s up so they won’t be blindsided. If the reader allows his message deeper access to his or her soul, other challenges, not addressed, can be seen and addressed as well.
While Nieuwhof mostly addresses pastors and leaders, I feel many who do not fall into those two categories also experience these seven challenges. They are the “epidemic of our age” as we seek to be validated in whatever capacity we find ourselves. I encourage anyone, leader or not, to take the time to read Nieuwhof’s book and discuss it with others. It will help you to recognize the warning signs before your life spins out of control.
Throughout the book, Carey gives great insights and some wonderful quotes. I thought I’d end this review with a few:
“Some days, simply avoiding stupid is a win.” (I think this is my favorite).
“But just because God is silent doesn’t mean he is absent.”
“Love has a speed. And it’s slower than I am.”
“If you want to beet emptiness, find a mission that’s bigger than you.”
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.
August 3, 2018
"Didn't See It Coming" by Carey Nieuwhof should be required reading for every working person regardless of profession. Better yet, colleges and universities should just give every graduate a copy with their diploma. I can't think of a single person in my 27 years in the advertising business who wouldn't have benefitted from reading it.
In this heartfelt, thoughtful and extremely transparent book, Canadian pastor, author and speaker Nieuwhof offers a primer for how to deal with the "7 Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences" - Cynicism, Compromise, Disconnection, Irrelevance, Pride, Burnout and Emptiness. Whether you've worked in corporate America, owned your own business, or simply been a stay at home parent, odds are you've felt many, or all of these from time to time. You may still be.
In his book, Nieuwhof offers helpful, meaningful advice for spotting these challenges BEFORE they happen, but more importantly, offers thoughts on how to recover once you experience them. If you are a person of faith, you will find the book's scriptural foundation comforting. But if you're not, don't let the fact that Nieuwhof is a pastor scare you off. Through stories from his own life, Nieuwhof shares a vulnerability and honesty that I'm not sure I've ever read in any other leadership book, Christian, or otherwise. This is in no way a lofty, preachy, "just pray harder" group of lessons. It's practical, instructional and spiritual in the best sense of the word. It's a book I wished I'd had 25 years ago, but one I'm incredibly thankful to have now.
Each section is enlightening but all lead to the final chapter about emptiness, illustrated by observations from Solomon, one of history's richest, most accomplished rulers who finally acknowledged that none of his riches, palaces, entertainment, concubines, wine, filled the hole that he felt in his heart. The true meaning of life isn't found in work, or accomplishment, or accumulation, or food, drink, sex, or anything else. It's found in committing to a loving relationship with God and a mission that's bigger than we are. There's nothing easy about that. But for most of us, it may be the only way we ever find true, sustained happiness.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book. Available on Amazon and in stores on Sept. 4, 2018.
In this heartfelt, thoughtful and extremely transparent book, Canadian pastor, author and speaker Nieuwhof offers a primer for how to deal with the "7 Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences" - Cynicism, Compromise, Disconnection, Irrelevance, Pride, Burnout and Emptiness. Whether you've worked in corporate America, owned your own business, or simply been a stay at home parent, odds are you've felt many, or all of these from time to time. You may still be.
In his book, Nieuwhof offers helpful, meaningful advice for spotting these challenges BEFORE they happen, but more importantly, offers thoughts on how to recover once you experience them. If you are a person of faith, you will find the book's scriptural foundation comforting. But if you're not, don't let the fact that Nieuwhof is a pastor scare you off. Through stories from his own life, Nieuwhof shares a vulnerability and honesty that I'm not sure I've ever read in any other leadership book, Christian, or otherwise. This is in no way a lofty, preachy, "just pray harder" group of lessons. It's practical, instructional and spiritual in the best sense of the word. It's a book I wished I'd had 25 years ago, but one I'm incredibly thankful to have now.
Each section is enlightening but all lead to the final chapter about emptiness, illustrated by observations from Solomon, one of history's richest, most accomplished rulers who finally acknowledged that none of his riches, palaces, entertainment, concubines, wine, filled the hole that he felt in his heart. The true meaning of life isn't found in work, or accomplishment, or accumulation, or food, drink, sex, or anything else. It's found in committing to a loving relationship with God and a mission that's bigger than we are. There's nothing easy about that. But for most of us, it may be the only way we ever find true, sustained happiness.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book. Available on Amazon and in stores on Sept. 4, 2018.
August 12, 2018
I just finished reading "Didn't See It Coming", for the first time. I say "first time" because this is a book you want to read quickly. Not because it's telling a great story - but because it's telling YOUR story. So many times, it felt like Carey had some magic microscope that could hone in on my life, my hurts, my struggles and dreams in a way that even I couldn't. The best part is that he doesn't just shine a light on the struggles of a leader, he provides ways to address and overcome them. And he does all of this in an incredibly approachable way. So now it's time to read it again, slowly. After satisfying the (somewhat perverse) urge to discover and uncover what ails me - not just as a leader, but as a person - I need to go back and take my time to digest and apply the content of this book. Because I don't want to just be a leader. I want to be a leader who (to quote Carey) will "thrive rather than merely survive". For any leader, reader, heck... human being, who is honest and humble enough to admit that there's room for personal growth - more than that - personal transformation, and is willing to put Carey's experiences and insight to work in their own life, I promise it will pay dividends. Don't get me wrong - this is not a self-help book. That would trivialize the value of it. "Didn't See It Coming" is, for the individual leader, what Patrick Lencioni's "The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else In Business" is for organizational leadership. It is equally challenging and rewarding if you move beyond reading it, to putting the lessons learned into practice. I was fortunate enough to get my hands on an advanced reader copy of "Didn't See It Coming". Had I not, I would be first in line to buy this book. Some leadership books are insightful, entertaining and contain real gems. Others are game changers. "Didn't See It Coming" is a game changer!
August 20, 2018
Carey Nieuwhof has given us a gift by writing Didn't See It Coming. It's one thing to identify what he calls the seven greatest challenges that no one expects and everyone experiences, but the gift of this book is that he provides a path to overcome these challenges. Every challenge is identified in one chapter, and then in the successive one he provides a way out of the prison that each challenge brings.
Every chapter was something, as a leader, that I've struggled with. However, the chapters on cynicism, burnout and emptiness opened my eyes to see patterns and paths that I have struggled with in my journey. However, after reading this book, I was able to identify some steps to take to bring healing. In the chapter on cynicism, it was such a great help to read the paragraph where Carey says, "If you've grown cynical, please understand that cynicism happens not because your heart is closed but because it was once open." I have spent hours beating myself up for giving into cynicism, not really understanding how I got that way. But then Carey ended that paragraph with a challenge when he wrote, "Now you're left with a choice. So what do you do?" I may not be able to control the disappointments in my life, but I can control how I respond to them.
The chapter on irrelevance was a very helpful kick in the pants as Carey reminds us that while the mission never changes, methods are constantly changing, and we need to find new effective methods to help us accomplish the mission to which we are called.
This is a great read for any leader who is struggling with self-doubt, wondering if they are still enough to lead effectively. Thank you Carey for reminding me whose Kingdom I am living to build.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.
Every chapter was something, as a leader, that I've struggled with. However, the chapters on cynicism, burnout and emptiness opened my eyes to see patterns and paths that I have struggled with in my journey. However, after reading this book, I was able to identify some steps to take to bring healing. In the chapter on cynicism, it was such a great help to read the paragraph where Carey says, "If you've grown cynical, please understand that cynicism happens not because your heart is closed but because it was once open." I have spent hours beating myself up for giving into cynicism, not really understanding how I got that way. But then Carey ended that paragraph with a challenge when he wrote, "Now you're left with a choice. So what do you do?" I may not be able to control the disappointments in my life, but I can control how I respond to them.
The chapter on irrelevance was a very helpful kick in the pants as Carey reminds us that while the mission never changes, methods are constantly changing, and we need to find new effective methods to help us accomplish the mission to which we are called.
This is a great read for any leader who is struggling with self-doubt, wondering if they are still enough to lead effectively. Thank you Carey for reminding me whose Kingdom I am living to build.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.
August 1, 2018
No one sets out to fail. In fact, we often begin journeys with the end in mind, excited about the prospect of finishing. When I was younger, our family would travel to Florida almost yearly. The trip itself was long, even in a climate-controlled van with a TV/VCR combo and an audio splitter so my sister and I could watch VHS movies. Even as the destination was so worth the journey, the journey was long and could get uncomfortable and boring. This was before the Waze app and Google Maps, so there were traffic patterns and accidents ahead and construction that we weren't forewarned about, that we didn't see coming.
Life and leadership can be the same way. We don't set out to fail. We set out excited about the prospect of leading, of accomplishing something that matters, of pursuing a mission and vision that makes a difference in this world. But then the journey gets tough, or something happens we didn't expect, or something goes not quite according to plan and we're tempted to alter the destination.
Carey Nieuwhof brings the heat in this most recent book of his. He doesn't shy away from the personal impact of these 7 Greatest Challenges, and very honestly shares his struggles and triumphs. He pulls the reader in and calls the reader to action.
The challenges aren't the issue--we will all experience various challenges throughout the journey of life and leadership. That's natural. What matters is how we handle those challenges, and how we have prepared for them ahead of time. We CAN know ahead of time the trajectory of certain lifestyle habits and things of that nature. If you're working 80 hours a week, it is simple to understand that is unsustainable and something will eventually break. If you're abusing a substance to forget or disconnect or stop feeling or fill a void, it is simple to understand that will have undesirable consequences.
But, Carey doesn't just stop with pointing out the challenges, he provides a second chapter in each challenge that is geared toward a solution. As a young leader, this is one of those books that you think will have great content, but may not be totally applicable at this point in my life and leadership journey. However, Carey Niuewhof proved me very wrong.
This book is such a solid read for everyone. It's applicable for someone working in a church, someone who owns a business, a barista, a plumber, a student.
There are challenges coming. Are you prepared? Will you see them coming? Or will you be blindsided and have your life derailed by the challenges that come? If you want to be better prepared, pick up a copy of this book! It releases on September 4, 2018. I had the great privilege of being on the launch team for this book, and have been so thankful for the opportunity to read and review this book for Carey Nieuwhof and his team. I hope you enjoy, and are impacted by, this book!
Life and leadership can be the same way. We don't set out to fail. We set out excited about the prospect of leading, of accomplishing something that matters, of pursuing a mission and vision that makes a difference in this world. But then the journey gets tough, or something happens we didn't expect, or something goes not quite according to plan and we're tempted to alter the destination.
Carey Nieuwhof brings the heat in this most recent book of his. He doesn't shy away from the personal impact of these 7 Greatest Challenges, and very honestly shares his struggles and triumphs. He pulls the reader in and calls the reader to action.
The challenges aren't the issue--we will all experience various challenges throughout the journey of life and leadership. That's natural. What matters is how we handle those challenges, and how we have prepared for them ahead of time. We CAN know ahead of time the trajectory of certain lifestyle habits and things of that nature. If you're working 80 hours a week, it is simple to understand that is unsustainable and something will eventually break. If you're abusing a substance to forget or disconnect or stop feeling or fill a void, it is simple to understand that will have undesirable consequences.
But, Carey doesn't just stop with pointing out the challenges, he provides a second chapter in each challenge that is geared toward a solution. As a young leader, this is one of those books that you think will have great content, but may not be totally applicable at this point in my life and leadership journey. However, Carey Niuewhof proved me very wrong.
This book is such a solid read for everyone. It's applicable for someone working in a church, someone who owns a business, a barista, a plumber, a student.
There are challenges coming. Are you prepared? Will you see them coming? Or will you be blindsided and have your life derailed by the challenges that come? If you want to be better prepared, pick up a copy of this book! It releases on September 4, 2018. I had the great privilege of being on the launch team for this book, and have been so thankful for the opportunity to read and review this book for Carey Nieuwhof and his team. I hope you enjoy, and are impacted by, this book!
September 4, 2018
Whether or not we realize it, life is like a riptide. You can be standing in the shallows watching the waves and without warning be pulled out to sea. Author Carey Nieuwhof knows the danger signs of a life in leadership, and he wants all of us to not look back after a life threatening experience and say, “How did that happen?” Though Nieuwhof is a pastor vocationally, his passion is leadership - for leaders now and in the future. He addresses the pitfalls for leaders, and really for all of us, that can be devastating if unaddressed no matter your profession. The pitfalls themselves have been tackled in many forms by other authors, but what sets this book apart for me is the transparency of the author. This is not someone writing to you from the lofty halls of academia and theory. The writing style is conversational, but more than that, Carey is brutally honest about his own struggles with the pitfalls. He understands that information alone will not save us from ourselves, and so another part of this book that is invaluable is the description of the warning signs and the suggestions for rigorous self examination. Looking hard at myself through the process of reading this has already begun to change some behaviors that seemed small, but now I see how they can add up to larger issues later on. I have followed Carey’s writings on leadership and culture change for years, and this book will be one I will return to to keep me from being swept out into sea unawares. I received this book as an advance reader copy from the publisher, and I am glad I did!
August 15, 2018
This is a very good book. One of the best I've read this year. Carey writes from personal experience which really makes it connect. This book jumps into difficult topics that are not typically covered. I intend to read it again. I received an advanced reader copy.
January 16, 2019
It seems no longer shocking to discover that Mood and Mental Health issues are increasing in diversity, intensity and pervasiveness within our society today. There are many different underlying causes to Mood and Mental Health issues, and these causes are found in all social groups within our society.
I have read a number of books related to Mood Disorders and Mental Health issues over the years. The books I have read seem to take a clinical approach to the subject, where the authors is the health professional, seemingly never having shared the experience with their patients.
Carey is the first author that I have read who admits to having gone through the experience of realization and correction. The book includes the caveat that it “is not intended to replace the advice of a trained psychological or medical professional.”
While Carey’s treatment of the subject is certainly not exhaustive, it is the way he covers seven common issues that I believe important. It is one thing to recognize a condition, it is another thing to accept responsibility and determine to address and remediate the issue.
While Carey is a successful pastor, he states that: “I’ve tried to strike a tone in this book that works for those who are skeptical of Christianity and for those who passionately follow Jesus. As a result, this book may end up not feeling Christian enough for those who are Christians and too Christian for those who aren’t. If that’s the case, I may have hit the mark.”
In summary, this is a book I would purchase and give to a friend in need, especially if they can’t put their finger on what is bothering them. I will re-read this book next year as an annual checkup.
I have read a number of books related to Mood Disorders and Mental Health issues over the years. The books I have read seem to take a clinical approach to the subject, where the authors is the health professional, seemingly never having shared the experience with their patients.
Carey is the first author that I have read who admits to having gone through the experience of realization and correction. The book includes the caveat that it “is not intended to replace the advice of a trained psychological or medical professional.”
While Carey’s treatment of the subject is certainly not exhaustive, it is the way he covers seven common issues that I believe important. It is one thing to recognize a condition, it is another thing to accept responsibility and determine to address and remediate the issue.
While Carey is a successful pastor, he states that: “I’ve tried to strike a tone in this book that works for those who are skeptical of Christianity and for those who passionately follow Jesus. As a result, this book may end up not feeling Christian enough for those who are Christians and too Christian for those who aren’t. If that’s the case, I may have hit the mark.”
In summary, this is a book I would purchase and give to a friend in need, especially if they can’t put their finger on what is bothering them. I will re-read this book next year as an annual checkup.
August 1, 2024
2024 Review
I challenged myself in 2024 to re-read the books that impacted me most in my 20s.
While I can't really say this book impacted me much the first time I read it, this second time around I found it very convicting. It was also really practical .I think it is one that will continue to speak to me in my 30s.
2021 Review
Ironically, in the middle of this book I had a conversation with someone about the danger of burning out teens. He snorted and said: "Teens don't burn out. It helps them expand."
I'm working on my habit of impulse-buying people books when I decide it is what they need but I did almost send him this one.
But for teenagers, twenty-somethings, the middle aged, and the elderly, this is a book I recommend because cynicism, burnout, and all the other challenges it covers can touch all of us at some level. Nieuwhof uses his own experiences as a base for the talk, but discusses the emotions behind them in a way that makes it relatable whether you've gone through his specific experiences or not.
Definitely one I need to come back to.
I challenged myself in 2024 to re-read the books that impacted me most in my 20s.
While I can't really say this book impacted me much the first time I read it, this second time around I found it very convicting. It was also really practical .I think it is one that will continue to speak to me in my 30s.
2021 Review
Ironically, in the middle of this book I had a conversation with someone about the danger of burning out teens. He snorted and said: "Teens don't burn out. It helps them expand."
I'm working on my habit of impulse-buying people books when I decide it is what they need but I did almost send him this one.
But for teenagers, twenty-somethings, the middle aged, and the elderly, this is a book I recommend because cynicism, burnout, and all the other challenges it covers can touch all of us at some level. Nieuwhof uses his own experiences as a base for the talk, but discusses the emotions behind them in a way that makes it relatable whether you've gone through his specific experiences or not.
Definitely one I need to come back to.
June 13, 2019
This is the book I needed to read! Walking through ”Didn't See It Coming” helped me take a look at my own life and see my blind spots in front of me.
A key in the book for me are the words Carey shares from John Calvin, even though I am a Methodist;). ”Without knowledge of self there is no knowledge of God.... Without knowledge of God there is no knowledge of self.”
I highly recommend this book, and will gladly encourage others to read it.
I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book.
A key in the book for me are the words Carey shares from John Calvin, even though I am a Methodist;). ”Without knowledge of self there is no knowledge of God.... Without knowledge of God there is no knowledge of self.”
I highly recommend this book, and will gladly encourage others to read it.
I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book.
August 22, 2018
"Didn't See It Coming: Overcoming the 7 Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences" by Carey Nieuwhof is an incredibly helpful book. This book is written from a Christian and leader viewpoint, it is relevant for individuals in whatever stage of life or walk of life you are in. The book addresses 7 relevant and practical challenges that affect individuals at different points in life. These 7 challenges includes: cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and emptiness. It is amazing that the chapters that I anticipated would not be applicable, were. I, personally, was challenged each step of the way through the book.
"Didn't See It Coming" is written in a personal format with many different examples from Carey's life. While these examples are helpful, for the average person (like myself), many of these examples are unimaginable like giving a conference keynote address to thousands or writing a blog site that 436,000 people visited in a 24 hour period. These are examples from the life of Carey but for me these would be out of body experiences.
Some of my favorite quotes from the book includes:
"An incredibly effective antidote to cynicism is curiosity."
"Character determines so much more than you think. Ultimately, it not only dictates your capacity in work and in life but also becomes your legacy. Your competency leaves the first impression, but your character leaves the lasting one."
"The gap between how quickly you change and how quickly things change is called irrelevance. The bigger the gap, the more irrelevant you become."
"The goal is not to chase culture, morphing into a different person every season. No, the goal is to understand the culture well enough that you are able to speak into it. And that, of course, requires change and adaption."
"Pride disguises itself in many ways. It's so pervasive that it has to be subtle. If it knew only one form, we'd stop it dead in its tracks, So it spawns. Pride morphs, and it creeps in using methods that often go unnoticed."
"That's the thing about burnout. Once you fall off the cliff, there's nothing to grab onto anymore. You're in free fall, and all the grasping and clamoring you do doesn't help a bit."
"The more self-awareness you are, the more likely you are to see it coming."
I would recommend this book because of it's practical nature and non-technical/conversational style of writing.
I had the joy of receiving this helpful book as an Advance Reader Copy. The book will be available on September 4, 2018.
"Didn't See It Coming" is written in a personal format with many different examples from Carey's life. While these examples are helpful, for the average person (like myself), many of these examples are unimaginable like giving a conference keynote address to thousands or writing a blog site that 436,000 people visited in a 24 hour period. These are examples from the life of Carey but for me these would be out of body experiences.
Some of my favorite quotes from the book includes:
"An incredibly effective antidote to cynicism is curiosity."
"Character determines so much more than you think. Ultimately, it not only dictates your capacity in work and in life but also becomes your legacy. Your competency leaves the first impression, but your character leaves the lasting one."
"The gap between how quickly you change and how quickly things change is called irrelevance. The bigger the gap, the more irrelevant you become."
"The goal is not to chase culture, morphing into a different person every season. No, the goal is to understand the culture well enough that you are able to speak into it. And that, of course, requires change and adaption."
"Pride disguises itself in many ways. It's so pervasive that it has to be subtle. If it knew only one form, we'd stop it dead in its tracks, So it spawns. Pride morphs, and it creeps in using methods that often go unnoticed."
"That's the thing about burnout. Once you fall off the cliff, there's nothing to grab onto anymore. You're in free fall, and all the grasping and clamoring you do doesn't help a bit."
"The more self-awareness you are, the more likely you are to see it coming."
I would recommend this book because of it's practical nature and non-technical/conversational style of writing.
I had the joy of receiving this helpful book as an Advance Reader Copy. The book will be available on September 4, 2018.
August 24, 2018
"Didn't See It Coming"...Didn't see what coming? Very intriguing title...especially from Carey Nieuwhof. I was excited to be part of the launch team, mainly because I was part of the selected number of people who were able to read Carey's book first. I wondered if this book would be good for only Christians? Christians in leadership? Full-Time Ministers? Leaders? Non-Christian? Simply everyday people? The answer is yes!
"Didn't See It Coming" speaks to others to help them prepare, warn, and encourage people; think of it as a lighthouse that shines a light revealing an approaching hazard. Due to life, culture, internal struggles, external struggles, pressures at work, pressures at home, ministry, or simply trying to find meaning in this world we all are susceptible to cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and emptiness. These feelings and trials can cause us to nosedive into discouragement and depression. What if you could realize early that you are headed that way, what if you discovered that that is where you are and there is hope, what if you understood the truth that you are not alone and that others have gone through it and have made it through.
Carey's book comes from personal experience and it contains practical advice along with God's Word to help you see that God has a plan and a purpose for you.
Reading Carey's book was refreshing and encouraging. I definitely would recommend it to all people especially those that are in leadership positions. I wish there would have be more scriptures references (that is the Pastor in me) however, the book was great and most importantly it points people in their darkest time to a beacon of hope (His name is Jesus).
"Our hope isn't based on an emotion or a feeling. It lives in a person who beat death itself and who loves us deeply enough to literally go through hell to rescue us." (p25)
"You can make excuses or you can make progress, but you can't make both." (p80)
"My faith tells me God has given me everything I have so I can share it and use it to benefit others." (p133)
"Just because you can't feel God's love doesn't mean he doesn't love you." (p159)
"Didn't See It Coming" speaks to others to help them prepare, warn, and encourage people; think of it as a lighthouse that shines a light revealing an approaching hazard. Due to life, culture, internal struggles, external struggles, pressures at work, pressures at home, ministry, or simply trying to find meaning in this world we all are susceptible to cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and emptiness. These feelings and trials can cause us to nosedive into discouragement and depression. What if you could realize early that you are headed that way, what if you discovered that that is where you are and there is hope, what if you understood the truth that you are not alone and that others have gone through it and have made it through.
Carey's book comes from personal experience and it contains practical advice along with God's Word to help you see that God has a plan and a purpose for you.
Reading Carey's book was refreshing and encouraging. I definitely would recommend it to all people especially those that are in leadership positions. I wish there would have be more scriptures references (that is the Pastor in me) however, the book was great and most importantly it points people in their darkest time to a beacon of hope (His name is Jesus).
"Our hope isn't based on an emotion or a feeling. It lives in a person who beat death itself and who loves us deeply enough to literally go through hell to rescue us." (p25)
"You can make excuses or you can make progress, but you can't make both." (p80)
"My faith tells me God has given me everything I have so I can share it and use it to benefit others." (p133)
"Just because you can't feel God's love doesn't mean he doesn't love you." (p159)
January 26, 2023
Carey Nieuwhof feels like a friend. His warmth, humility, and curiosity are what has made his podcast a stand-by for me over the past decade. In "Didn't See It Coming," Nieuwhof brings that same conversational style to help us with everyday challenges.
Niewhof's book is built around the seven challenges we all face: cynicism, compromise, disconnectedness, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and emptiness. For me the book began a bit slow but gained momentum as it went along. Perhaps that was more because of the challenges that are a greater threat to my heart were deeper in the book. My hunch is that the reader will find that, depending on their own heart, different chapters will strike a chord.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes:
“Cynicism begins not because you don’t care but because you do care.”
“As you grow older, you become more of who you already are.”
“An incredibly effective antidote to cynicism is curiosity. Yes, simple curiosity.”
“Character, not competency, determines capacity.”
“Compromise is in you, and life brings it out of you.”
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and other people by their actions.“
“Character development for the most part doesn’t happen in some monastery with stone walls and dank cellars. It happens in the grind of everyday life.”
“The greatest enemy of your future success is always your current success.”
“Burnout numbs your heart.”
“The emptiness so many people experience in life is more intense in success than it is in failure.”
“The alternative to living for yourself is dying to yourself.”
“Humility will win you what pride never will: the affection of others.”
Nieuwhof's book is well worth the read. It's relatable, clear, and accessible.
For more reviews see thebeehive.live.
Niewhof's book is built around the seven challenges we all face: cynicism, compromise, disconnectedness, irrelevance, pride, burnout, and emptiness. For me the book began a bit slow but gained momentum as it went along. Perhaps that was more because of the challenges that are a greater threat to my heart were deeper in the book. My hunch is that the reader will find that, depending on their own heart, different chapters will strike a chord.
Here are a few of my favorite quotes:
“Cynicism begins not because you don’t care but because you do care.”
“As you grow older, you become more of who you already are.”
“An incredibly effective antidote to cynicism is curiosity. Yes, simple curiosity.”
“Character, not competency, determines capacity.”
“Compromise is in you, and life brings it out of you.”
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and other people by their actions.“
“Character development for the most part doesn’t happen in some monastery with stone walls and dank cellars. It happens in the grind of everyday life.”
“The greatest enemy of your future success is always your current success.”
“Burnout numbs your heart.”
“The emptiness so many people experience in life is more intense in success than it is in failure.”
“The alternative to living for yourself is dying to yourself.”
“Humility will win you what pride never will: the affection of others.”
Nieuwhof's book is well worth the read. It's relatable, clear, and accessible.
For more reviews see thebeehive.live.
August 21, 2018
Going to admit that right from the cover I was a bit skeptical: how could Carey Nieuwhof know the challenges (especially if there's really 7 of them!) that everyone would experience but not expect? I was then pleasantly surprised/terrified when one of the initial chapters on cynicism described my internal conversations for the last few years with a shocking level of accuracy. There are a few out of the 7 that I'm not totally positive I will wrestle with, but Nieuwhof's treatment of all of them is timely, apt, and (surprisingly) very hopeful. I love the fact that he also pairs each challenge with an antidote of sorts: for instance, if your struggle is cynicism, then radical hope is the cure. Practical application for weighty subjects can sometimes feel a bit shallow, and the cynical side of me wants to say that reading a book and wrestling with some tough questions and making a few changes could never amount to real change. But I really do think there is enough substance here to effect real and positive change in the face of these challenges and I really appreciate Nieuwhof's efforts to get that across.
I think the other thing that gives Nieuwhof a lot of credibility is that he genuinely seems like a person who has met these challenges and came through the other side a better person, someone who I want to be more like. Granted, I don't know him and my "interaction" with him is limited to podcasts, articles, and one 5 minute conversation last fall, but there is genuineness and vulnerability on every page of the book and it gives me hope that I too can meet these challenges and not be brought down by them.
It's a deceptively light and cheerful text because the gravity of the subjects is offset with a conversational and compassionate style. That also means that it's a text that I can see myself referring back to as I age and see these challenges cropping up. It's also one that I know I will enjoy re-reading as well.
I was lucky enough to receive an advance copy of this book.
I think the other thing that gives Nieuwhof a lot of credibility is that he genuinely seems like a person who has met these challenges and came through the other side a better person, someone who I want to be more like. Granted, I don't know him and my "interaction" with him is limited to podcasts, articles, and one 5 minute conversation last fall, but there is genuineness and vulnerability on every page of the book and it gives me hope that I too can meet these challenges and not be brought down by them.
It's a deceptively light and cheerful text because the gravity of the subjects is offset with a conversational and compassionate style. That also means that it's a text that I can see myself referring back to as I age and see these challenges cropping up. It's also one that I know I will enjoy re-reading as well.
I was lucky enough to receive an advance copy of this book.
August 23, 2018
Epidemics hitting North America: Loneliness, Emptiness, Isolation, Meaninglessness and “Fake” Leadership. Each of these epidemics are hard to see in advance until they take a great-white bite out of your soul. Carey Nieuwhof is a rare, honest communicator and leader who takes on these epidemics and sounds a clear warning in leadership circles with his book "Didn’t See it Coming: Overcoming the 7 Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences."
I’ve served in church and healthcare leadership for close to 20 years and the carnage of leaders who were taken out by these epidemics and others that Carey covers is sickening. We have a mission to advance hope in a hopeless world and can’t afford to lose any more leaders due to these often “invisible” shark bites.
I love Carey’s ability to weave practical advice with deep, honest reflection about the issues. His podcast, blog and now this book are all sources of encouragement that I rely upon to keep fueled up and motivated to press on. You will not be disappointed with this book. It’s thoughtful and personally challenging without any pretense. Carey never pretends to be anyone or anything that he’s not and I appreciate that authenticity in a world of “fake” and plastic leaders. I hope you enjoy the book and use it to spark honest conversation with other leaders in your life.
I was fortunate enough to receive an advance reader copy of the book from the publisher and am so grateful for the impact this book is going to make!
I’ve served in church and healthcare leadership for close to 20 years and the carnage of leaders who were taken out by these epidemics and others that Carey covers is sickening. We have a mission to advance hope in a hopeless world and can’t afford to lose any more leaders due to these often “invisible” shark bites.
I love Carey’s ability to weave practical advice with deep, honest reflection about the issues. His podcast, blog and now this book are all sources of encouragement that I rely upon to keep fueled up and motivated to press on. You will not be disappointed with this book. It’s thoughtful and personally challenging without any pretense. Carey never pretends to be anyone or anything that he’s not and I appreciate that authenticity in a world of “fake” and plastic leaders. I hope you enjoy the book and use it to spark honest conversation with other leaders in your life.
I was fortunate enough to receive an advance reader copy of the book from the publisher and am so grateful for the impact this book is going to make!
August 20, 2018
Many authors unsuccessfully attempt to write on vast cultural assumptions because their approach is too shallow to create meaningful connection to the reader. In "Didn't See it Coming," Carey did an amazing job of writing on a broad assumption by breaking down the struggle of what many people in younger generations calls "adulting" into very tangible and traceable sub-categories. Though many authors might successfully scratch the surface Carey found a way to dig into the soul of the reader and provided space for him or her to wrestle with their own experience. He did a great job of providing people of all different cultural, social, demographic, and socioeconomic backgrounds an amazing tool to help them connect with route struggles and then gave practical tools and encouragement on how to work through them.
I was honored to receive an Advanced Reader Copy of the book because I saw an opportunity to read something that might nudge me in the right direction in some personal struggles. Three chapters in I realized I had something in my hands that I will now consider one of the top five most important reads in my life. In conversation with others in my community and social circles I have already been able to help people identify and start to process through some of the challenges they didn't see coming. As stated above the helping hand revealed in the book extends to anyone from any background. I have already began to take a list of people to buy the book for because the few nuggets of truth I have shared have captured their attention. To be blunt, my September paycheck is going to disappear quickly because I believe many people will be encouraged and will experience growth from reading this book.
I was honored to receive an Advanced Reader Copy of the book because I saw an opportunity to read something that might nudge me in the right direction in some personal struggles. Three chapters in I realized I had something in my hands that I will now consider one of the top five most important reads in my life. In conversation with others in my community and social circles I have already been able to help people identify and start to process through some of the challenges they didn't see coming. As stated above the helping hand revealed in the book extends to anyone from any background. I have already began to take a list of people to buy the book for because the few nuggets of truth I have shared have captured their attention. To be blunt, my September paycheck is going to disappear quickly because I believe many people will be encouraged and will experience growth from reading this book.
August 20, 2018
I'm definitely the target audience for this book. I'm a leader in my early 30's and life often moves too fast with so many moving pieces that I answer 'good' when someone asks how I'm doing more out of habit than honest introspection.
I wouldn't have said I needed this book or that I was at a point of personal crisis before reading it but I'm so glad that I did. This is by far Carey's most personal and direct book in which he delves into his own personal leadership crisis and how he can see the cracks that caused the greater problem. And most importantly it feels like you are given a look into your own cracks proactively with an opportunity make the needed adjustments BEFORE things get worse.
The books sections are well thought out and they are especially helpful as a progressive diagnostic tool throughout the book where you can better understand the implications of letting these warning signs go unaddressed; cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, burnout and emptiness.
Perhaps the most haunting question that will stick with me is, "What do you do when all your dreams come true?" If you are even reasonable successful as a leader of any age this question should haunt you because if you have become consumed with achieving a goal you will need a greater purpose to avoid the haunting reality of the emptiness that will come from your own success.
You need to read this book simply because you think you don't need to...that's the point.
Note: I received an advanced reader copy of this book.
I wouldn't have said I needed this book or that I was at a point of personal crisis before reading it but I'm so glad that I did. This is by far Carey's most personal and direct book in which he delves into his own personal leadership crisis and how he can see the cracks that caused the greater problem. And most importantly it feels like you are given a look into your own cracks proactively with an opportunity make the needed adjustments BEFORE things get worse.
The books sections are well thought out and they are especially helpful as a progressive diagnostic tool throughout the book where you can better understand the implications of letting these warning signs go unaddressed; cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, burnout and emptiness.
Perhaps the most haunting question that will stick with me is, "What do you do when all your dreams come true?" If you are even reasonable successful as a leader of any age this question should haunt you because if you have become consumed with achieving a goal you will need a greater purpose to avoid the haunting reality of the emptiness that will come from your own success.
You need to read this book simply because you think you don't need to...that's the point.
Note: I received an advanced reader copy of this book.
August 4, 2018
So glad I read this book! It would have been even better if I read it in my 30s, but I’m pretty sure based on his personal stories, Carey wouldn’t have been able to write it then (Carey Nieuwhof and I are roughly the same age).
The whole book is an inviting combination of easy to read and a deep dive into the heart. That’s a rare combination in my opinion. It’s also a combination of challenge and hope - another rare combination. I’ve read challenging books, that leave me feeling like I fall short and I’m not ready for the challenge. I’ve read books that attempt to give hope, but provide no real basis for a hope that lasts. This book will simultaneously challenge you and give you hope to be the best God created you to be.
I highlighted stuff in every chapter. Some of it was quick inspiration like this, “Prayer is not a button to push, it’s a relationship to pursue.” Some of it I had to think or journal about. I would say the first section on cynicism and the last section on self-awareness were the best, but almost all of it had great value for me.
Of all the highlights in the books, perhaps the closing words are the best, though you will have to read the book to fully understand the power of these words. (no spoiler alert really necessary)
“And so it comes full circle. Without knowledge of self, there is no knowledge of God. And without knowledge of God, there is no knowledge of self. With that circle closed, you will be in far better position to see what’s coming. And best yet, you’ll be ready to deal with it, not alone, but together with a God who created you and who loves you.”
(I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book)
The whole book is an inviting combination of easy to read and a deep dive into the heart. That’s a rare combination in my opinion. It’s also a combination of challenge and hope - another rare combination. I’ve read challenging books, that leave me feeling like I fall short and I’m not ready for the challenge. I’ve read books that attempt to give hope, but provide no real basis for a hope that lasts. This book will simultaneously challenge you and give you hope to be the best God created you to be.
I highlighted stuff in every chapter. Some of it was quick inspiration like this, “Prayer is not a button to push, it’s a relationship to pursue.” Some of it I had to think or journal about. I would say the first section on cynicism and the last section on self-awareness were the best, but almost all of it had great value for me.
Of all the highlights in the books, perhaps the closing words are the best, though you will have to read the book to fully understand the power of these words. (no spoiler alert really necessary)
“And so it comes full circle. Without knowledge of self, there is no knowledge of God. And without knowledge of God, there is no knowledge of self. With that circle closed, you will be in far better position to see what’s coming. And best yet, you’ll be ready to deal with it, not alone, but together with a God who created you and who loves you.”
(I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book)
August 2, 2018
In “Didn’t See it Coming” Carey Nieuwhof outlines seven challenges that can catch a pastor or leader by surprise even though they are ubiquitous. The seven challenges are:
1. Cynicism
2. Compromise
3. Disconnection
4. Irrelevance
5. Pride
6. Burnout
7. Emptiness.
Carey calls these seven challenges “epidemics of our age.” While these things tend to catch us off guard, they don’t need to if we see the warning signs.
While there may be more than seven challenges knock leaders off course, if the reader takes to heart Carey’s message, they should be able to rest in God’s presence no matter what their circumstances may be. I’m thankful that Carey uses his platform to warn leaders of the subtle and deceptive thoughts that lodge in a leader’s soul. Carey gives leaders a head’s up so they won’t be blindsided. If the reader allows his message deeper access to his or her soul, other challenges, not addressed, can be seen and addressed as well.
There are challenges coming, all of us can be guaranteed of that. Are you prepared is the question? Will you see them coming? Or will you be blindsided and have your life derailed by the challenges that come? If you want to be better prepared, pick up a copy of this book! It releases on September 4, 2018. I had the great privilege of being on the launch team for this book, and have been so thankful for the opportunity to read and review this book for Carey Nieuwhof and his team. I trust you will enjoy, and experience an impact with this book!
Throughout the book, Carey gives great insights and some wonderful quotes. I thought I’d end this review with a couple:
“Some days, simply avoiding stupid is a win.” (A favorite of mine).
“Love has a speed. And it’s slower than I am.” (For all of my fellow impatient ones like me out there, this is more truthful than any of us would like).
“If you want to beet emptiness, find a mission that’s bigger than you.”
I highly recommend this book to everyone, not just leaders or leaders-in-training. The lessons it contains are valuable for all.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.
1. Cynicism
2. Compromise
3. Disconnection
4. Irrelevance
5. Pride
6. Burnout
7. Emptiness.
Carey calls these seven challenges “epidemics of our age.” While these things tend to catch us off guard, they don’t need to if we see the warning signs.
While there may be more than seven challenges knock leaders off course, if the reader takes to heart Carey’s message, they should be able to rest in God’s presence no matter what their circumstances may be. I’m thankful that Carey uses his platform to warn leaders of the subtle and deceptive thoughts that lodge in a leader’s soul. Carey gives leaders a head’s up so they won’t be blindsided. If the reader allows his message deeper access to his or her soul, other challenges, not addressed, can be seen and addressed as well.
There are challenges coming, all of us can be guaranteed of that. Are you prepared is the question? Will you see them coming? Or will you be blindsided and have your life derailed by the challenges that come? If you want to be better prepared, pick up a copy of this book! It releases on September 4, 2018. I had the great privilege of being on the launch team for this book, and have been so thankful for the opportunity to read and review this book for Carey Nieuwhof and his team. I trust you will enjoy, and experience an impact with this book!
Throughout the book, Carey gives great insights and some wonderful quotes. I thought I’d end this review with a couple:
“Some days, simply avoiding stupid is a win.” (A favorite of mine).
“Love has a speed. And it’s slower than I am.” (For all of my fellow impatient ones like me out there, this is more truthful than any of us would like).
“If you want to beet emptiness, find a mission that’s bigger than you.”
I highly recommend this book to everyone, not just leaders or leaders-in-training. The lessons it contains are valuable for all.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.
April 10, 2022
This was thought-provoking and interesting. I appreciated the author's extensive personal experience, and his style of writing was easy to read and humorous.
My biggest complaint is that some parts just didn't feel relatable. I started the chapter on pride prepared to have my heart convicted and challenged, because pride is something I really struggle with. But I didn't relate to or resonate with the examples the author was using. I think perhaps I just operate differently than him.
My favorite chapters were the two on burnout . . . much underlining. :)
Overall, this book was . . . comforting. Which wasn't what I expected. I expected a challenge or a paradigm shift, and I think that this is the type of book that will hit differently in different seasons of life and leadership and ministry. In this season, it was comforting. "You're not alone!" "You're on the right track!"
My biggest complaint is that some parts just didn't feel relatable. I started the chapter on pride prepared to have my heart convicted and challenged, because pride is something I really struggle with. But I didn't relate to or resonate with the examples the author was using. I think perhaps I just operate differently than him.
My favorite chapters were the two on burnout . . . much underlining. :)
Overall, this book was . . . comforting. Which wasn't what I expected. I expected a challenge or a paradigm shift, and I think that this is the type of book that will hit differently in different seasons of life and leadership and ministry. In this season, it was comforting. "You're not alone!" "You're on the right track!"
August 10, 2018
Carey Nieuwhof tackles achievement, emptiness, and the perils of western consumer culture in just over 200 pages. But he hasn’t taken a lite approach. He is a Protestant minister from a generation of church leaders who are either fronting or have founded large congregations appealing to nonbelievers.
His refers to Jean-Paul Sartre to John Calvin and then to Ecclesiastes as he outlines writes a cautionary reflection on the limitations of success.
Emotional burnout is the organizing theme for Didn’t See It Coming. He writes from the perspective of his own internal crisis in 2006. But the book isn’t all about Carey Nieuwhof. He addresses the values of North American culture for the superlatives: the most, the biggest, the highest. The achievement-focused and hyper-connected leader seems to be his primary target. And potential leaders and even people who support leaders can benefit from Didn’t See It Coming.
Nieuwhof describes the path to burnout in seven stages: cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, and emptiness. The seventh stage, burnout, represents the sum of overarching ambition. “I was the A student who completed three university degrees while holding down multiple jobs, getting married, and starting a family. I was the young pastor who didn’t understand the word no...,” he writes. Yet hard work was not the source of his burnout. Rather, Nieuwhof cites inattentiveness to his own interior life as the foundation of his troubles. His public achievements masked “an abundance of insecurity, jealousy, and fear...”
And his faithfulness to the gospel was not enough to lift his spirits. Nieuwhof did not lose his faith but acknowledges becoming numb, “I read Scripture, but sensed that Scripture was no longer reading me.”
Counseling, along with a patient spouse and family, helped rebuild his life and dedication to ministry.
The pastoral approach is never far in this book. But he doesn’t offer Christianity as a quick fix to burnout. “God as a vending machine is bad theology,” he writes. Instead, he advises his readers to pursue self-knowledge while examining their impact (both good and bad) on others.
Received an Advance Reader Copy of this bookCarey Nieuwhof
His refers to Jean-Paul Sartre to John Calvin and then to Ecclesiastes as he outlines writes a cautionary reflection on the limitations of success.
Emotional burnout is the organizing theme for Didn’t See It Coming. He writes from the perspective of his own internal crisis in 2006. But the book isn’t all about Carey Nieuwhof. He addresses the values of North American culture for the superlatives: the most, the biggest, the highest. The achievement-focused and hyper-connected leader seems to be his primary target. And potential leaders and even people who support leaders can benefit from Didn’t See It Coming.
Nieuwhof describes the path to burnout in seven stages: cynicism, compromise, disconnection, irrelevance, pride, and emptiness. The seventh stage, burnout, represents the sum of overarching ambition. “I was the A student who completed three university degrees while holding down multiple jobs, getting married, and starting a family. I was the young pastor who didn’t understand the word no...,” he writes. Yet hard work was not the source of his burnout. Rather, Nieuwhof cites inattentiveness to his own interior life as the foundation of his troubles. His public achievements masked “an abundance of insecurity, jealousy, and fear...”
And his faithfulness to the gospel was not enough to lift his spirits. Nieuwhof did not lose his faith but acknowledges becoming numb, “I read Scripture, but sensed that Scripture was no longer reading me.”
Counseling, along with a patient spouse and family, helped rebuild his life and dedication to ministry.
The pastoral approach is never far in this book. But he doesn’t offer Christianity as a quick fix to burnout. “God as a vending machine is bad theology,” he writes. Instead, he advises his readers to pursue self-knowledge while examining their impact (both good and bad) on others.
Received an Advance Reader Copy of this bookCarey Nieuwhof
August 10, 2018
I have been a big fan of Carey Nieuwhoff for years. I listen to his podcast, read his blogs and books because I believe he is one of the great voices in leadership today. So, when I heard about his new book coming out I knew I'd have to read it and I was not disappointed. Thankfully I was sent an advance copy and I couldn't put it down. The organization of the book made it easy to work through as it introduced one of seven challenges and then the follow up chapter in each of the seven sections helped readers apply principles that will help overcome the seven greatest challenges. Usually, books like this have sections that are good, just not quite relevant to me at the time I read it. But not IDSIC. Every part/section spoke to something universal in me and my life and ministry. I believe the tagline is spot on-- "overcoming the 7 greatest challenges that no one expects and EVERYONE FACES". Carey treated each one personally, which displayed his sense of empathy to others, he was vulnerable as he talked about burnout. Something I, too, have experienced and I wished the book were around in 2009 when I walked through burnout. The first part was on cynicism... and I have to say, I was a bit "cynical". why would you begin a book like that? but 2 pages in I knew I was hooked because in ways I felt like the pages were mirrors and not just that chapter but each one exposed some hidden weaknesses that I had ignored. That's where the second chapter in each part comes in. He does a great job of not just pinpointing key challenges we all face, but he actually gives wise counsel as to how to overcome those challenges so that, on the other side, one can become a better, more effective leader. This book proved to be a great help at the proper time in my life and leadership journey. When it comes out, I will purchase multiple copies to share with my staff and other friends in ministry. it's that good! It will be a resource that I reference often and I'm thankful I had the opportunity to read and review it. I recommend the book not only to pastors and ministry leaders, but the challenges Carey unpacks in the book are universal to anyone in leadership, but especially in leadership of themselves. I received an Advance Readers Copy of this book.
July 31, 2018
Didn't See it Coming is about identifying and addressing the 7 challenges all people experience to some degree but no one really wants to talk about. The seven sections are Cynicism, Compromise, Disconnection, Irrelevance, Pride, Burnout, and Emptiness. Carey takes two chapters per section. The first chapter identifies the problem and the second chapter in each section provides the solution. If you're a Nieuwhof fan and avid reader of his blog, you find many of his same anecdotes and helpful tips as you would on his blog.
The book was fantastic. It had all the great content of the blog but with more personal stories and you felt like you could really dig into what he was saying. If you're a leader of anything or feel stuck in one of those seven challenging areas, you'll want to read this. Whether your business aspirations or leadership goals, you'll find helpful advice from Nieuwhof on all these topics because he's been there and done that. It's a great help to those who are facing, going through, or have come out of any of those challenges. What I appreciated most, was the understanding that going through those challenges is normal. It's a part of life and leadership. It's not because you're not trying hard enough or didn't follow the right formula. It's a part of the leadership journey and pretty much a part of life.
I think the biggest highlight was the section on burnout. Carey gets real, raw, and honest about his struggle with burnout and thoughts of suicide. To read what he was thinking and what he was going through and how he came through it was so encouraging and hopeful. The other factor that was so great was the timing and pacing he explained about coming through burnout. It takes time. I also loved his clarity and so many great one-liners that he's crafted as a communicator and author.
This book is not for you if you are highly cynical, critical, jaded, bitter, or resentful. Because of the hope and optimism Carey offers, you might walk away resenting what you've read. It may just be a timing thing and you'll read it when you're ready to hear what he has to say. But if you are looking for help and hope, this is the book for you.
This book is for people who are recovering cynics, have compromised, fear being irrelevant, disconnected because of distrust and being too busy, struggle with pride, suffered burnout, or are experiencing emptiness.
Didn't see it coming is an easy read that searches the depths of your soul and will cause you to do some evaluation of areas of your life that you fear to let others in. This is definitely a book I would recommend and will give to other leaders. So grateful to Carey and his team for providing help and hope!
I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book.
The book was fantastic. It had all the great content of the blog but with more personal stories and you felt like you could really dig into what he was saying. If you're a leader of anything or feel stuck in one of those seven challenging areas, you'll want to read this. Whether your business aspirations or leadership goals, you'll find helpful advice from Nieuwhof on all these topics because he's been there and done that. It's a great help to those who are facing, going through, or have come out of any of those challenges. What I appreciated most, was the understanding that going through those challenges is normal. It's a part of life and leadership. It's not because you're not trying hard enough or didn't follow the right formula. It's a part of the leadership journey and pretty much a part of life.
I think the biggest highlight was the section on burnout. Carey gets real, raw, and honest about his struggle with burnout and thoughts of suicide. To read what he was thinking and what he was going through and how he came through it was so encouraging and hopeful. The other factor that was so great was the timing and pacing he explained about coming through burnout. It takes time. I also loved his clarity and so many great one-liners that he's crafted as a communicator and author.
This book is not for you if you are highly cynical, critical, jaded, bitter, or resentful. Because of the hope and optimism Carey offers, you might walk away resenting what you've read. It may just be a timing thing and you'll read it when you're ready to hear what he has to say. But if you are looking for help and hope, this is the book for you.
This book is for people who are recovering cynics, have compromised, fear being irrelevant, disconnected because of distrust and being too busy, struggle with pride, suffered burnout, or are experiencing emptiness.
Didn't see it coming is an easy read that searches the depths of your soul and will cause you to do some evaluation of areas of your life that you fear to let others in. This is definitely a book I would recommend and will give to other leaders. So grateful to Carey and his team for providing help and hope!
I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book.
December 7, 2022
Yes, indeed. I'm actually rating this leadership book five stars. I think I've read so many self-help/leadership books, I can get a little snobbish about them at times. But this...this knocked it out of the park.
Maybe it was timely. Maybe I'm in need of this particular message right now. Maybe it's Maybelline. But chapter after chapter touched my heart, and I'm grateful to Carey Nieuwhof for pouring himself out and challenging my priorities as a leader. I bought copies of this for other leaders' Christmas gifts, and this is already on my re-read list.
I'd rate this a PG.
Maybe it was timely. Maybe I'm in need of this particular message right now. Maybe it's Maybelline. But chapter after chapter touched my heart, and I'm grateful to Carey Nieuwhof for pouring himself out and challenging my priorities as a leader. I bought copies of this for other leaders' Christmas gifts, and this is already on my re-read list.
I'd rate this a PG.
July 30, 2018
Carey Nieuwhof’s latest work offers an unflinching and grace-filled look into some of the most-common struggles that threaten to derail the life of every person. From the creeping coldness of cynicism, the unexpected ease with which we slip into irrelevancy or the subtle ways pride builds a kingdom to itself, these threats quietly, almost imperceptibly, find root in best intentions and ultimately bear bitter fruit.
Though Carey addresses these topics head-on, he never comes across as delivering a scholarly discourse from a mountaintop pulpit to those sinning below, but his is a voice that is with you in the valley, urging you forward and telling you that there is a way, no matter how dark it may seem now. He can speak with authority concerning these issues because Carey has earned his scars and uses them to reveal the redemptive power of God. He shares stories of his own personal challenges through the years to highlight how no one is immune from danger and to encourage us that we are not alone in the fight.
It’s raw. It’s real. And it’s completely relevant for anyone who cares about living wisely now and leaving behind a lasting legacy later. If you in the fourth quarter of life or just beginning your rookie season, a seasoned professional or a part-time intern, someone who is living with the pain of past mistakes or a person wanting to avoid tragic pitfalls, you need to read this book. The principles shared offer not only a cure for those problems you may have, but also a vaccine for the ones you will face.
On a more personal note, as a lead pastor, I have not only helped others navigate many of the issues Carey writes about, but I have struggled with some of them myself. It’s all too easy to grow weary with the battles and become jaded and cynical. When people hurt you, the normal response is to disconnect to avoid pain and try to make yourself believe you can do things better alone. And when you push yourself to your limit and ignore the warning signs, burnout may be on the horizon. I will be recommending this book as a grounded and practically-applicable guideline for others who are facing similar challenges.
I wish I had this book 20 years ago, but it’s never too late for us to see ourselves honestly, and in doing so, gain a clearer picture of how desperately we need God’s grace and how freely he offers it to us.
(I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.)
Though Carey addresses these topics head-on, he never comes across as delivering a scholarly discourse from a mountaintop pulpit to those sinning below, but his is a voice that is with you in the valley, urging you forward and telling you that there is a way, no matter how dark it may seem now. He can speak with authority concerning these issues because Carey has earned his scars and uses them to reveal the redemptive power of God. He shares stories of his own personal challenges through the years to highlight how no one is immune from danger and to encourage us that we are not alone in the fight.
It’s raw. It’s real. And it’s completely relevant for anyone who cares about living wisely now and leaving behind a lasting legacy later. If you in the fourth quarter of life or just beginning your rookie season, a seasoned professional or a part-time intern, someone who is living with the pain of past mistakes or a person wanting to avoid tragic pitfalls, you need to read this book. The principles shared offer not only a cure for those problems you may have, but also a vaccine for the ones you will face.
On a more personal note, as a lead pastor, I have not only helped others navigate many of the issues Carey writes about, but I have struggled with some of them myself. It’s all too easy to grow weary with the battles and become jaded and cynical. When people hurt you, the normal response is to disconnect to avoid pain and try to make yourself believe you can do things better alone. And when you push yourself to your limit and ignore the warning signs, burnout may be on the horizon. I will be recommending this book as a grounded and practically-applicable guideline for others who are facing similar challenges.
I wish I had this book 20 years ago, but it’s never too late for us to see ourselves honestly, and in doing so, gain a clearer picture of how desperately we need God’s grace and how freely he offers it to us.
(I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book.)
July 31, 2018
This book is a gift, and not just for leaders.
While Nieuwhof is perhaps best known for his work in leadership, in this book he sets out to explore and help conquer seven significant challenges everyone—leader or not—faces whether they expect to or not, and he does a good job of it.
There are two things that stand out to me the most about this book:
1) The explanations of the seven challenges are excellent. It’s not just run of the mill definitions. He provides thorough, well rounded, in-depth definitions but does so in a simple way that keeps readers from feeling overwhelmed or beat down. This is helpful, particularly because it makes it easier for readers to understand and recognize things in/about themselves they might have been overlooking (Irrelevant and unwilling to change? Who?? Me?!). The best part, though, is that this is accomplished in a non-threatening way, and he doesn’t just leave it at that.
2) The second thing I love about this book is that Nieuwhof not only explains the challenges, he provides practical, useful steps to help readers conquer, navigate, survive, etc. Too often authors provide advice and tips that aren’t attainable, which frustrates readers. That is not the case here. I was half-joking above about figuring out I am in danger of becoming irrelevant because I’m not a fan of change, but that’s one thing I learned about myself and, thankfully, this books provides concrete, doable action steps to help me get myself off the precipice and stay relevant to my students, my colleagues, my institution, etc. So instead of walking away from this book feeling overwhelmed and maybe a little defeated, I am walking away with a plan and some confidence I didn’t have before.
So why only 4 out of 5 stars? It’s really a matter of personal preference. I liked this book and learned a lot. I enjoyed his writing style, humor, and candidness. It was an easy but substantial read. However, I wasn’t captivated by it as I read and I didn’t walk away wanting or planning to read it again. I reserve 5 stars for books that I’m planning to re-read as I’m reading them the first time. That’s all.
I highly recommend this book for everyone, not just leaders or leaders-in-training. The lessons it contains are valuable for all.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book. All thoughts here are mine and mine alone.
While Nieuwhof is perhaps best known for his work in leadership, in this book he sets out to explore and help conquer seven significant challenges everyone—leader or not—faces whether they expect to or not, and he does a good job of it.
There are two things that stand out to me the most about this book:
1) The explanations of the seven challenges are excellent. It’s not just run of the mill definitions. He provides thorough, well rounded, in-depth definitions but does so in a simple way that keeps readers from feeling overwhelmed or beat down. This is helpful, particularly because it makes it easier for readers to understand and recognize things in/about themselves they might have been overlooking (Irrelevant and unwilling to change? Who?? Me?!). The best part, though, is that this is accomplished in a non-threatening way, and he doesn’t just leave it at that.
2) The second thing I love about this book is that Nieuwhof not only explains the challenges, he provides practical, useful steps to help readers conquer, navigate, survive, etc. Too often authors provide advice and tips that aren’t attainable, which frustrates readers. That is not the case here. I was half-joking above about figuring out I am in danger of becoming irrelevant because I’m not a fan of change, but that’s one thing I learned about myself and, thankfully, this books provides concrete, doable action steps to help me get myself off the precipice and stay relevant to my students, my colleagues, my institution, etc. So instead of walking away from this book feeling overwhelmed and maybe a little defeated, I am walking away with a plan and some confidence I didn’t have before.
So why only 4 out of 5 stars? It’s really a matter of personal preference. I liked this book and learned a lot. I enjoyed his writing style, humor, and candidness. It was an easy but substantial read. However, I wasn’t captivated by it as I read and I didn’t walk away wanting or planning to read it again. I reserve 5 stars for books that I’m planning to re-read as I’m reading them the first time. That’s all.
I highly recommend this book for everyone, not just leaders or leaders-in-training. The lessons it contains are valuable for all.
I received an Advance Reader Copy of this book. All thoughts here are mine and mine alone.
July 31, 2018
Carey Niewhof has provided a primer for life. He walks with you through the unexpected and provides a way to manage the unexpected in life with grace and courage. He is vulnerable, authentic, and transparent. Not many people are willing to share their deepest experiences with others, let alone on a world stage in a manner that is uplifting and encouraging beyond himself.
Carey has given you a gift of life and breath. There is a way to handle the obstacles, and now everyone has a friend that has gone on before to lead the way out and also to help you be on the lookout for unexpected obstacles that are ahead.
You read this book and wish you would have had its wisdom when you were younger. You read this book, see yourself, and are glad you can "alter the outcomes" and be prepared "to see it coming" the next time.
In this book, you will find a friend that says to you, "I didn't see it coming either," and gives you the grace to look at your obstacles with truth and love. Carey took the first step in showing you that you do have obstacles that you do need to face, because life happens. He also walks you through "altering the outcomes." It's not a sermon on how you messed up, but how you can live moving forward.
"The remarkable part of Christianity is not that we have a Savior who came to deliver us but that we have a Savior who sees us for who we really are and loves us anyway. Jesus stared hate in the face and met it with love...Because hope is anchored in resurrection, it is resilient." p. 25
You may not have seen it coming, but you can move forward, and this is the message and hope of this book. This is a book to read and re-read as you live life with others.
On an amusing note, I did love the couple of comments about how the "ancients called it sanctification". I grew up on that doctrine.
I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book from the publisher.
Carey has given you a gift of life and breath. There is a way to handle the obstacles, and now everyone has a friend that has gone on before to lead the way out and also to help you be on the lookout for unexpected obstacles that are ahead.
You read this book and wish you would have had its wisdom when you were younger. You read this book, see yourself, and are glad you can "alter the outcomes" and be prepared "to see it coming" the next time.
In this book, you will find a friend that says to you, "I didn't see it coming either," and gives you the grace to look at your obstacles with truth and love. Carey took the first step in showing you that you do have obstacles that you do need to face, because life happens. He also walks you through "altering the outcomes." It's not a sermon on how you messed up, but how you can live moving forward.
"The remarkable part of Christianity is not that we have a Savior who came to deliver us but that we have a Savior who sees us for who we really are and loves us anyway. Jesus stared hate in the face and met it with love...Because hope is anchored in resurrection, it is resilient." p. 25
You may not have seen it coming, but you can move forward, and this is the message and hope of this book. This is a book to read and re-read as you live life with others.
On an amusing note, I did love the couple of comments about how the "ancients called it sanctification". I grew up on that doctrine.
I received an Advanced Reader Copy of this book from the publisher.
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