What do you think?
Rate this book
The Dirty Little Secret: Uncovering the Truth Behind Porn
Addiction to pornography has exploded to epidemic proportions, infiltrating churches and holding our pastors, friends, and family members prisoner. But no one―not even the church―is talking about this dangerous and destructive addiction. The Dirty Little Secret follows Pastor Craig Gross as he breaks the silence and begins his ministry XXXchurch.com, a website devoted to fighting pornography. As he meets people in the industry and those addicted to porn, Craig exposes the very real, human face of pornography and the destructive physical, emotional, and spiritual toll it takes. The Dirty Little Secret plainly reveals the addictive lure of pornography, explores the pain and brokenness it causes, and challenges us as individuals and as the church to talk about and openly fight pornography. Don’t be tempted to keep this secret any longer. If this book won't make you roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty, then you need to check your pulse.―Skip Mathews, president, Integrity Online
176 pages, Paperback
First published May 1, 2006
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
March 12, 2015
Each year, I try to read at least one book from the perspective of the enemy. I got this one for free so I figured I would give it a shot. One of the featured statements in a lot of the reviews of this book is how it is "non-judgmental." This is a rather funny claim, since the very basis of this book is judgement. Yeah, the author talks the usual line of rubbish that Christians love, essentially a variation of "love the sinner, hate the sin", but behind it all is a veritable ark-load of judgmental assumptions: Sex is bad (except where sanctioned by the church within a proper marriage), masturbation is bad, fornication is bad, non-vanilla sex is bad, fetishes are bad, homosexuality is bad, etc., etc. Of course the denial of these underlying assumption come fast and furious, but let's pull a few points straight from the book.
From the very beginning of the story, comes this revealing bit: 'At first, however, we only had two words on our website: "Porn Sucks."' Put aside how unintentionally humorous the phrasing is, and it should be clear, there is a fundamental, unquestioning assumption, nay judgement, revealed, that underlays the entire endeavor. From this point on, everything about Gross and his ministry is cherry-picking(!) and confirmation bias. Next up, "I love people and see pornography as a deadly threat to the individual", which again shows the foundational judgement going on. These are pretty strong words that might come as a surprise to the millions of people who enjoy porn and continue to have completely normal lives without dying from it. Odd, that. Another gem is this one "Can you be a pornaholic? ... We knew the answer was an overwhelming yes", which again reveals the nature of his unquestioning assumptions. There is no actual search for truth in this book. It is a grab bag of unqualified, unsupported claims, confirmation bias, and anecdote.
The book contains extensive claims about porn (and pre-marital sex, and masturbation, and sexual thoughts) being an addiction, but absolutely none of these claims are backed up by any kind of serious evidence, scholarly or otherwise. It's a balls-out assertion, which will of course be accepted immediately by most readers of this book, but there is no proof. Normal human behavior is defined as deviant and harmful, and then when people behave in completely normal ways, out comes the judgement stick with the word addiction stamped on.
A substantial message of this book is guilt. Over and over, people express guilt about their interest in porn. Never is there the slightest thought that maybe it would be good to get rid of the guilt instead. Women are marginalized as weak, foul, temptresses, and of course there is a fundamental buy-in into the sexist idea of female purity. Single people are marginalized, because sex is only supposed to be for the married people with the intent to have children.
There are so many problems with this book, that I could probably write a book in response, but I'm going to cut this short, maybe to return with additional comments later.
But one last thing. I'm used to reading non-fiction books that feature extensive references and bibliographies. This book has exactly 7 references, including an anonymous posting on craigslist, which is laughably bad. Five of the references are clearly biased, including one sub-titled "How Social Liberalism Is Corrupting Our Future". The final reference is to an article from LA Times, which in fact does not provide a scrap of evidence for Gross's claims, and in fact has this to say about porn "If it's corrupting them, the data don't yet show it."
From the very beginning of the story, comes this revealing bit: 'At first, however, we only had two words on our website: "Porn Sucks."' Put aside how unintentionally humorous the phrasing is, and it should be clear, there is a fundamental, unquestioning assumption, nay judgement, revealed, that underlays the entire endeavor. From this point on, everything about Gross and his ministry is cherry-picking(!) and confirmation bias. Next up, "I love people and see pornography as a deadly threat to the individual", which again shows the foundational judgement going on. These are pretty strong words that might come as a surprise to the millions of people who enjoy porn and continue to have completely normal lives without dying from it. Odd, that. Another gem is this one "Can you be a pornaholic? ... We knew the answer was an overwhelming yes", which again reveals the nature of his unquestioning assumptions. There is no actual search for truth in this book. It is a grab bag of unqualified, unsupported claims, confirmation bias, and anecdote.
The book contains extensive claims about porn (and pre-marital sex, and masturbation, and sexual thoughts) being an addiction, but absolutely none of these claims are backed up by any kind of serious evidence, scholarly or otherwise. It's a balls-out assertion, which will of course be accepted immediately by most readers of this book, but there is no proof. Normal human behavior is defined as deviant and harmful, and then when people behave in completely normal ways, out comes the judgement stick with the word addiction stamped on.
A substantial message of this book is guilt. Over and over, people express guilt about their interest in porn. Never is there the slightest thought that maybe it would be good to get rid of the guilt instead. Women are marginalized as weak, foul, temptresses, and of course there is a fundamental buy-in into the sexist idea of female purity. Single people are marginalized, because sex is only supposed to be for the married people with the intent to have children.
There are so many problems with this book, that I could probably write a book in response, but I'm going to cut this short, maybe to return with additional comments later.
But one last thing. I'm used to reading non-fiction books that feature extensive references and bibliographies. This book has exactly 7 references, including an anonymous posting on craigslist, which is laughably bad. Five of the references are clearly biased, including one sub-titled "How Social Liberalism Is Corrupting Our Future". The final reference is to an article from LA Times, which in fact does not provide a scrap of evidence for Gross's claims, and in fact has this to say about porn "If it's corrupting them, the data don't yet show it."
August 1, 2008
I would highly recommend this book to anyone, whether or not you struggle with pornography. It's so easy to look at people in the industry as heathens and hedonists, but this book really opened my eyes to the hell those people endure. Rather than judge and condemn, we need to be Jesus to those who struggle within the industry and those who struggle with the industry. A definite must-read!
April 27, 2012
Brilliantly open and non judgmental. I had no idea how destructive porn can be or how desperate some of the people in the business really are. Nice one!
August 31, 2019
Since I had heard about the XXXchurch ministry from Relevant Magazine, it was good to read more about the ministry. The book provides anecdotes about the harmful impact of porn addiction on people's lives and the ministry's efforts in reaching out to people who work in the porn industry and experiences as porn conventions. I have a greater appreciation for the ministry in its effort to reach a segment of society that many churches have written off as "lost."
July 4, 2021
Very interesting and important discussions, but I'm not quite sure who this was specifically directed at, and some of the stories seemed non sequitur.
March 20, 2016
My feelings on this book are a little conflicted. I enjoyed it but am not sure if I agree with all of its content and conclusions. I am very much in appreciation of the sincere love and concern Mr. Gross and his colleagues reach out and show people in the porn industry as well as ordinary citizens struggling with an addiction to porn.The XXX church doesn't approve of the lifestyle and activities of those it attempts to reach out to but it also doesn't look down on them or judge them as people, tell them they are evil, bad, going to Hell and all the other things most Christians seem to feel justified in doing. They just reach out to them with offers of caring and assistance if its wanted and to me that is real Christianity.I believe true Christianity is rare in the world today.And while I agree from extensive reading that many actors in the porn industry have been abused and damaged and that is a big part of what leads them to sex work, that can't be said for every single person involved.There is a number of people in the industry, although it may be a small number overall, that seem to sincerely enjoy the industry and are not exploited or damaged by what they do.I'd name Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremy as two examples of this.Of course the authors would likely argue that maybe even the seemingly stable as named above have damaged psyches that they don't show or other hidden negative reasons for the way they have flourished in the industry and that could be true.Nobody would know but them but there has to be at least a small number of people who would naturally be suited for such work.
From a purely secular perspective, although the author makes a loot of good points and I agree that porn addiction has become a huge problem that ruins many lives and relationships and this needs to be constantly highlighted but I can't agree that even occasional porn viewing can lead to addiction and ruin and that porn can never, ever assist couples with their sex lives. Anything at all can become an addiction and if you absolutely need porn to function sexually or you are using it as as a crutch, then yes there is a problem,. But like anything else, if its used in moderation, I don't think it has to be an automatic negative thing. Some people argue that porn degrades women and causes men to devalue women and have unrealistic expectations of them but that's went on for centuries . Pornography has long existed in one form or another. Just look to ancient Roman towns with their explicit murals on many buildings and brothels operating openly and casually in the middle of the city to see this is true. In conclusion though, the author does important work and I hope his ministry will keep on doing it for those who need it.One thing that is true to my knowledge and might be shocking enough to stick with some readers is the revealing of how little lesser known porn stars actually make.A female porn star profiled in the book whom ultimately let the business for good with the help of this organization made $900 for two porn movies and $450 for a week of prostitution at a legal brothel.To me that a shockingly small amount for such work,but unless you are one of the big names in the business ,such a pay rate is not usual.
From a purely secular perspective, although the author makes a loot of good points and I agree that porn addiction has become a huge problem that ruins many lives and relationships and this needs to be constantly highlighted but I can't agree that even occasional porn viewing can lead to addiction and ruin and that porn can never, ever assist couples with their sex lives. Anything at all can become an addiction and if you absolutely need porn to function sexually or you are using it as as a crutch, then yes there is a problem,. But like anything else, if its used in moderation, I don't think it has to be an automatic negative thing. Some people argue that porn degrades women and causes men to devalue women and have unrealistic expectations of them but that's went on for centuries . Pornography has long existed in one form or another. Just look to ancient Roman towns with their explicit murals on many buildings and brothels operating openly and casually in the middle of the city to see this is true. In conclusion though, the author does important work and I hope his ministry will keep on doing it for those who need it.One thing that is true to my knowledge and might be shocking enough to stick with some readers is the revealing of how little lesser known porn stars actually make.A female porn star profiled in the book whom ultimately let the business for good with the help of this organization made $900 for two porn movies and $450 for a week of prostitution at a legal brothel.To me that a shockingly small amount for such work,but unless you are one of the big names in the business ,such a pay rate is not usual.
September 21, 2011
Craig Gross, the infamous "porn pastor" and founder of XXXchurch.com, has written a work that no one else but he could write. It's a journey into the middle of the porn industry, never judgmental and at times harrowing and heart-wrenching. Diving into the lives of pornstars, porn addicts, and hurting families, the book gives a face to everyone who has been affected by porn: people just like you and me. Warning: it's a difficult read because of such broken, beat up lives in a violent, merciless industry.
Craig loves the heck out of people. He is the first to admit how hard this can be. He knows the criticism of his annual visits to porn conventions. He's aware of the hype around his unorthodox witness to a shady world that Christians condemn in public while binge on in private. This isn't a book about how to stop porn addiction or all its scary statistics. It isn't even a book that pits good against bad. It simply exposes the worst parts of the industry and how badly it hurts everyday people.
I'm glad Craig Gross does not hold back. Some critics say he only discusses the extreme cases. But every pornstar and porn addict is an extreme case waiting to happen, or already too late. The most heartbreaking chapter of the book involves Carter, a young journalist who is allowed on set to watch twenty one year old Ariana film a porno scene. Carter is also the same age. Things begin almost innocently enough as Carter meets the pornstars before the shoot in an almost normal atmosphere. Things go downhill quickly. Carter cannot even finish watching. He drives home, pulls over, bursts into tears about what he has seen. He imagines what it would be like if he were Ariana. He is never the same again. Reading this chapter, I felt sick to my stomach over both Carter and Ariana: both broken by the selfish desires of a cruel inhuman business. I am not squeamish whatsoever (I kill spiders with my hand and eat dinner while watching Dexter), but I nearly wept reading this part and almost had to put the book away.
Many will say porn is harmless. I always knew it was not, but Craig Gross makes the best anecdotal case for its poisonous grip on culture. Many will say pornstars have made their own choice, but Craig Gross gets into the nuances of an aggressive industry that hunts unwitting victims. Hardly any pastor would venture where he has, but he does so that we wouldn't have to. He embraces this devastation to offer grace and hope for the masses of hurting.
Also check out his book Pure Eyes, which is strictly methodical and practical.
Craig loves the heck out of people. He is the first to admit how hard this can be. He knows the criticism of his annual visits to porn conventions. He's aware of the hype around his unorthodox witness to a shady world that Christians condemn in public while binge on in private. This isn't a book about how to stop porn addiction or all its scary statistics. It isn't even a book that pits good against bad. It simply exposes the worst parts of the industry and how badly it hurts everyday people.
I'm glad Craig Gross does not hold back. Some critics say he only discusses the extreme cases. But every pornstar and porn addict is an extreme case waiting to happen, or already too late. The most heartbreaking chapter of the book involves Carter, a young journalist who is allowed on set to watch twenty one year old Ariana film a porno scene. Carter is also the same age. Things begin almost innocently enough as Carter meets the pornstars before the shoot in an almost normal atmosphere. Things go downhill quickly. Carter cannot even finish watching. He drives home, pulls over, bursts into tears about what he has seen. He imagines what it would be like if he were Ariana. He is never the same again. Reading this chapter, I felt sick to my stomach over both Carter and Ariana: both broken by the selfish desires of a cruel inhuman business. I am not squeamish whatsoever (I kill spiders with my hand and eat dinner while watching Dexter), but I nearly wept reading this part and almost had to put the book away.
Many will say porn is harmless. I always knew it was not, but Craig Gross makes the best anecdotal case for its poisonous grip on culture. Many will say pornstars have made their own choice, but Craig Gross gets into the nuances of an aggressive industry that hunts unwitting victims. Hardly any pastor would venture where he has, but he does so that we wouldn't have to. He embraces this devastation to offer grace and hope for the masses of hurting.
Also check out his book Pure Eyes, which is strictly methodical and practical.
June 10, 2008
Big challenge - tough topic - but very eye opening as to teh devestation and need to change the situation!
September 29, 2011
A poignant chronicle of the side of the pornography industry most people don't see.
March 27, 2017
This book was...OK. I agree with his assertion that porn is a serious problem that needs to be attacked with openness, honesty, grace, and forgiveness, but attacked nonetheless.
However, I heard very little about the need for Jesus to overcome any battle. Also, the few theologians he cited were big red flags, namely Rick Warren and Rob Bell (granted, this was prior to his full-blown heresy).
It's worth a read, but don't abandon good theology for it.
However, I heard very little about the need for Jesus to overcome any battle. Also, the few theologians he cited were big red flags, namely Rick Warren and Rob Bell (granted, this was prior to his full-blown heresy).
It's worth a read, but don't abandon good theology for it.
Read
October 28, 2018I don't struggle with this issue, and I honestly don't quite know how to rate this book. It should be read, but not lightly, and I would LOVE to pick the brains of others who read it. This book was cited in the sermon of a speaker that I highly regard years ago and it's been on my list of things to read ever since. It takes a personal and honest look at pornography and the church's role in confronting it. This isn't a book of statistics.
The substitutes we accept for the good gifts that God gives us break my heart. The human faces and stories related in this book behind this industry break my heart. The challenging thing about this book is that effects of porn look a lot like the effects of addiction, look a lot like the effects of the sin that we all struggle with. That's where things get uncomfortable; we see the horrific damage that this sin and the isolation that often goes with it does, only to look up and find that sin is sin is sin. It thrives in isolation no matter what it is. It's no wonder then that one of the first lines of attack is to separate from it, confess it and get accountability. Like every other sin. The author notes of the porn stars, producers, addicts and prostitutes that he's met through this ministry, "The crazy thing is that a lot of those people looked just like you and me. A lot of those people still look just like you and me."
This book acknowledges that sexual sin is damaging in a different way than other sins. It neither elevates it to the worst of all sins, nor debases it to the level where we can think that it isn't that big of a deal.
The substitutes we accept for the good gifts that God gives us break my heart. The human faces and stories related in this book behind this industry break my heart. The challenging thing about this book is that effects of porn look a lot like the effects of addiction, look a lot like the effects of the sin that we all struggle with. That's where things get uncomfortable; we see the horrific damage that this sin and the isolation that often goes with it does, only to look up and find that sin is sin is sin. It thrives in isolation no matter what it is. It's no wonder then that one of the first lines of attack is to separate from it, confess it and get accountability. Like every other sin. The author notes of the porn stars, producers, addicts and prostitutes that he's met through this ministry, "The crazy thing is that a lot of those people looked just like you and me. A lot of those people still look just like you and me."
This book acknowledges that sexual sin is damaging in a different way than other sins. It neither elevates it to the worst of all sins, nor debases it to the level where we can think that it isn't that big of a deal.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews