On Becoming Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

by Robert Bucknam

Distinguished pediatrician Dr Robert Bucknam, M.D. and co-author Gary Ezzo are two of the world's leading experts on baby sleep and feeding patterns. Millions of new mothers across the globe are coming toward this new brand at an increasing pace as they find and share the life changing success they are achieving with their newborns. This updated Anniversary edition celebrates 25 years with Bucknam and Ezzo's groundbreaking approach which has found favor with over six million parents in all 50 states and has been translated into 20 languages around the world.
For 25 years, On Becoming Babywise has been the de facto newborn parenting manual for naturally synchronizing your baby's feeding time, waketime and nighttime sleep cycles, so the whole family can sleep through the night.
In his 28th year as a licensed Pediatrician, Dr. Robert Bucknam, M.D. along with co-author Gary Ezzo, demonstrate how order and stability are mutual allies of every newborn's metabolism.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Childrens, Audiobook, Self Help

223 pages, Hardcover

Published September 15, 2017

Reviews

[Annie Chen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book needs a good editor. It may have five-star content (won’t know till I try it), but I’d give it one star for the organization (hence the average 3 stars I’m listing). I don’t understand the raving reviews and frequent suggestions. I have a hard time understanding this book because the ordering of topics seems super scatterbrained. For example, a few chapters in, even after reading about all the supposed benefits of Parent-Directed Feeding, I still had no idea what that term entails. Also, I wasn’t sure whether many things (such as the merges) they describe are to be expected to take place naturally, or as a result of some proactive move. And when the baby cries, do I pick him up or not? The book seems to offer inconsistent advice on this and much more. It wasn’t till toward the end that I read you’re not supposed to do “sleep training” in the first four weeks. Wait, then what were the earlier chapters all about? Maybe this book will make more sense when I start putting it to practice, and maybe I would update my review then, but for now it has honestly confused more than prepared me as a mom-to-be...

[Michelle W · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wanted to like it because Dr. Bucknam was my pediatrician! Good general information about scheduling your day, feedings, etc. But I feel like there are a lot of flaws in the ideas-what if my baby didn’t feed in that prescribed manner due to nursing struggles? What do you do when baby has short naps and you can’t follow the perfect “wake-feed-play-sleep” pattern (which doesn’t quite make sense since you won’t be doing that overnight). They make it sound like babies so easily merge their feedings, which has not happened for me despite my work to schedule his feedings. He eats every 3 hours like clockwork unless he randomly sleeps a longer stretch. No info or tips telling how to help your baby merge, just the vague message that the baby will magically do it. Possibly a good book if your baby can robotically catch on and follow these ideas from birth, but a lot that didn’t work for me getting a baby to do PDF a few months “late.” And for being a sleep book, it didn’t help my baby’s sleep. Just because the baby’s feeding at regular times does not mean sleep is suddenly solved.

[Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was probably my 5th time reading Babywise in the past two years. There's such an abundance of information about caring for infants that when I had my first baby, I appreciated the clear directions and boundaries presented in this material and the clear path forward it made for me. The parent-focused philosophies, while uncomfortable for some, are a great fit for my family and have saved me a lot of sanity. We are lucky to attend Dr. Bucknam's pediatric practice and I have a lot of respect for him and his heart for families.

I'm writing this review after a long night with my 2 week old, so sorry not sorry for the terrible grammar 😂

[Lexi Huang · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good refresher book on how to get a little baby to sleep! I’m not sure it’d be the best the first time around because it didn’t have super specific details and practical how to survive 3am crying but it was what I was looking for to remind me the schedules of newborns. Was hoping for a chapter on what to do about older brother but that wasn’t in there…good luck baby #2…hope you’ll be even more durable than Hez :)

[Sam Whitehill]

Sketchy science, Christian propaganda. Do not read.

[Melissa Daly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so confusing, but maybe it’s because my baby isn’t born yet. Could also do with a language update to accommodate same-sex couples.

[Martyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, I can't say enough good things about this book. It has been massively influential for us with our first baby, and we are so grateful for the guidance it's given. It offers a really helpful mix of flexibility and structure, and empowers you as a parent to help your baby get the sleep they need, without feeling like you're not giving them the time and attention they also need.

If nothing else, it helps provide a starting 'structure' which you can adapt as needed - but it means you're being proactive, rather than constantly reactive. This has been absolutely key for us, giving us a feeling of control and direction rather than desperately trying to react to each changing stage.

I would recommend this to anyone, with the caveat that, obviously, all babies are different - and undoubtedly, this will be more complicated to implement for some than for others. That said, the book provides great pointers at adapting the system when you have older children, babies with colic, etc.

[Susanna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some solid advice here, especially on focusing on full feedings--that probably would have benefited me with my first three, and I took a bunch of notes on that as I prepare for my fourth. The sleeping advice here seemed helpful as an overview but scant on details. A key sleep advice difference between this book and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby" is that this book doesn't advocate early bedtimes nearly as much.

Although I'm happy to be a stay-at-home mom, the constant references to "mom" as the one needing to nurture, feed, and problem-solve actually started to rub me the wrong way.

I would pair this book with Expecting Better to get more perspective on formula-feeding and co-sleeping.

I read the paperback after seeing my friend Marrtyn's positive review.

[Skye Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

Things I liked:

-at the beginning, this book teaches that lot of your child’s sense of security will come from your marriage and watching you have a positive relationship with your spouse. Also said to continue spending time with your spouse and have date nights etc. I agree with this and liked the emphasis on how important a healthy marriage is to a developing child within the family.

-it talked about how sleep is very important for children and that helping them get good sleep is a gift you can give to your child, which I agree with.

-they laid out a specific schedule for what your baby’s naps and feedings should look like and how spread apart they should be. While I don’t know how necessary it is to really keep a newborn on such a tight schedule, it was still helpful to know what this author’s sample schedule looked like because it gives a good baseline of how many feedings and your child will typically have in a day. Also, it was interesting to me because my newborn naturally is already pretty much doing this schedule on her own without me forcing it on her—particularly the late nighttime feeding and the middle of the night feeding are pretty much in sync surf the sample schedule the author lays out.

What I didn’t like:

-it doesn’t really tell you HOW to get your baby to fall asleep. It mostly just tells you how not to. Says to not nurse your baby to sleep, and to not use sleep props like rocking, songs or a stuffed animal etc. While the author claims to not be fully on board with the “cry it out method” he did talk about crying and how babies are going to be okay to cry up to like 1/2 hour. I didn’t find this super helpful and I didn’t really agree because I have found it really easy to nurse my newborn to sleep and don’t mind doing it. In fact, I enjoy these special times with her. Because the book didn’t really give ways to easily put your child to sleep or tips as to how to do so and basically says to just put the baby in the crib and walk away, letting her cry for quite a while if necessary.

(I’m not naive in thinking that babies should never ever cry, or that it’s even a possibility for babies to never cry at all—however, I’m not on board with leaving my newborn alone to cry it out and would prefer to minimize her discomfort by establishing a good bedtime routine with her which will probably include nursing, rocking, and snuggles that makes her happy/comfortable to go to sleep.)

-I also didn’t like that it kind of smack talked attachment parenting because I have decided that I am much more in line with that. (Attachment parenting (AP) is a parenting philosophy that proposes methods aiming to promote the attachment of parent and infant not only by maximal parental empathy and responsiveness but also by continuous bodily closeness and touch.)

-I didn’t like that it says not to nurse your baby on demand, or that it tried to claim that this was not good for babies.

Overall—this book had some good things about it and some good tips and ideas that I am happy to have learned. However, I don’t think that “sleep training” or the more rigid scheduling is right for me or my baby personally.

[Kristina Rickard · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book has a few useful tidbits of information scattered throughout, but mainly it felt like a disorganized philosophical ramble with no concrete advice. The author contradicts himself at several points of the book and seems to unfairly blame all of babies’ difficulties on their moms. Clearly this guy has not breastfed an infant. Lol. I found the only really helpful chapter to be chapter 5, which gave examples of what to expect for a baby’s sleep at different stages.

I’m glad that I am an L&D nurse and already had a realistic understanding of babies’ needs!! Otherwise this book would have really stressed me out. Wouldn’t recommend.

[Faye Zheng · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too structured for me to want to try. It’s mostly a matter of philosophy. I’d rather err more on following baby’s cues. One good tip I will follow is to make every feed a full feed, instead of snacking - doing this has already promoted longer, more restorative naps.

[Liz Bajema · Rating 2 out of 5]

Now I know everything I’m doing wrong with my infant

[Starley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Updated Review with a 3 Month old:

I have recommended this book to almost every new mom I know! This book puts to rest a variety of “parenting philosophies” that are grounded in assumption and feelings, rather than true science. It puts forth an expectation for parents to teach their children to eat and sleep well, just like we teach them to do literally everything else. This book gets a bad rap for being unloving and expecting too much of babies, but I never found that to be fair. It constantly puts in front of the reader the need to love and nurture your baby with lots of cuddles and affection-just not while they’re going to sleep.

Here’s my testimony for how this book/method works [This is NOT a testimony that I’m a great mom, and everyone else just needs to be like me and their babies will be perfect. I am so far from a perfect mom and still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing about half the time. This is my testimony that the method works even when the one implementing it is far from perfect. Please don’t read this and feel as if I think I’m superior and you’re inferior. That’s simply not true.] :

We never coslept (not that cosleeping is wrong. I just didn’t want to) with our daughter. People told me that was impossible, but we made it. She slept in her bassinet, on her back, by herself. It wasn’t easy and involved lots of sleepless nights at first, but she learned.

She learned to fall asleep and stay asleep by herself (not in my arms) by about 3 weeks. That was not consistent, but she could do it. I could put her down and live my life, not constantly holding her in order for her to sleep.

She started sleeping through the night before 2 months, and was in her own room after sleeping through the night two nights in a row.

At 3 months, she takes about 3 minutes to put down, falls asleep in her crib by herself, and stays asleep for 1 1/2-2 hours every nap. She sleeps 8 consecutive hours at night most nights. If she does wake up, all we do is put her pacifier in, and she’s back to sleep for the rest of the night.

She is gaining weight at a healthy rate, is far ahead of the curve developmentally, is constantly labeled as “perfect, impressive, so strong,” etc. and is happy and affectionate with everyone. She’s never used a sound machine, and her room is far from pitch black.

Again-I’m not a perfect mom, and I don’t feel superior to moms whose babies don’t sleep. My baby certainly is helped to a degree by a chill demeanor, but I honestly think she sleeps well because she’s been taught to.

My main issue with the book is simply that it gives unfair expectations. The book basically says “if you do this, your baby will sleep.” It doesn’t give a lot of caveats for it taking time for your baby to learn, babies that have oral restriction (like mine did), or the fact that babies are humans who don’t always perform like robots. The expectation that “it just works” can leave a postpartum mom feeling like a failure wondering what she’s doing wrong when it doesn’t work right away for her.

Take a deep breath. Every little victory counts, even if it’s not consistent. Fight to teach your baby to sleep-you’ll both be happier and healthier for it.

[Sydnee Allen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helped me understand my baby a little more but I felt like the book overall was disorganized and a little flawed. I think I’m more of a visual learner so reading about my baby’s behavior was difficult to put into practice.

This book helped a lot until I started working again. A strict schedule is impossible now. I pay attention to my baby’s hunger and tired cues (hunger: crying, licking lips, hands to face for a newborn, etc. Tired: red eyebrows, yawning, staring off) and feed/sleep when my baby is ready. A schedule is not for me, but this book would be a good resource if you’re wanting a schedule.

[Valen Warner · Rating 3 out of 5]

The sleep training methods described here seem helpful and balanced. Many parents I know swear by them. Now to wait and see if they actually work! 😅

[Bethany Votaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book explained so much.
Do I feel wise? No.
Baby wise? Also no.
I feel more like “Ah. So this is normal. It’ll be okay” which is a great feeling.

[Daniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Concise, many tips on lots of different baby-related issues from sleep schedules to common causes of pain. Seems logical in its advice. I'll see in a few weeks whether it is as helpful as it seems.

[Ester · Rating 1 out of 5]

The book has a cult following so of course I looked into it before having my baby. What I didn't know at the time is that one of the authors, Gary Ezzo has written highly controversial material previously (including the previous versions of Babywise). There is extensive information about this material already available on the internet. Ezzo himself has a chequered history & seems to have no legitimate credentials other than being a parent himself and writing popular books.

Nevertheless, if you can put all that aside ... maybe the book has some good advice? Idk. Unfortunately I was never able to get past the first chapter because of how blatantly arrogant the authors are about their approach being the best & insulting what they call "attachment parenting". If their methods are so good then the book should speak for itself & would not need to trash talk other approaches. Having studied attachment theory myself in my psychology degree I found their description of "attachment parenting" style to be so narrow that it was laughable. It's clear they are setting up a straw man that they can tear down. For example, unlike the book asserts not all parents who identify with attachment parenting co-sleep with their child. At its core attachment parenting is about appropriately responding to a child's needs in a timely manner. Indeed, I would argue that Babywise itself inadvertently supports attachment theory because it does allow you to respond to baby's needs as a priority above the routines it recommends.

Clearly I was not the target audience for this book, that being said I acknowledge many parents have benefitted from the feed-play-sleep routine it promotes. I'm happy if that works for others, but given the book offers a one size fits all approach, I think it has the potential to majorly guilt trip a new and anxious mother when their baby doesn't produce the outcomes the book supposedly brings. And for those reasons I wouldn't recommend it - read The Discontented Little Baby by Dr Pamela Douglas instead.

[Hannah Jayne · Rating 4 out of 5]

nothing about the plan seemed rigid and exact, it sounded like “here’s a basic guideline, here’s a lot of ways things can fluctuate, try your best it’s okay”

which makes sense to me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

they specifically started out saying, the babywise philosophy of feeding/sleeping/scheduling is contrary to both a strict-clocked-schedule and immediately-cater-to-any-and-all-of-your-child’s-cues. babywise’s parent-directed-feeding is instead, this is the general optimal schedule for growth, be flexible and use your discernment on when you should deviate from it. (and here’s like, a hundred different contexts to help you choose what to do should something seem wrong.)

as someone without a child yet, some form of structure and general guide as to what is expected of a baby and normative growth and behavior is nice to know. different issues and different ways to handle them and knowing better when to seek professional help or advice is nice to know too.

the very first chapter’s advice of maintaining a good relationship with your spouse will set you up to be better parents was unexpected but also sounds true and important to me. a good reminder.



seemed like a decent book. informational, probably helpful when you have a baby, logical sounding life-advice, very self-promotional and insistent of how well their methodology works.

[Ali McCoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this a while ago but I wanted to write a review anyway. This book has changed our lives. Both our girls were put on a schedule from the day they were born and they both were such happy babies. I attribute that to babywise and the fact that we understand their needs when they cry rather than questioning why they’re crying. The information in this book is so helpful and I love that it gives reasons WHY you should do these practices rather than just telling you to do it. Every parent needs to read this book!

[Morgan Myers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the PDF approach to be very middle of the road between two more extreme parenting philosophies. I really appreciate the moderation and science behind this approach. I also really enjoyed the historical contexts provided.

[Ayat Al Bloushi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can't evaluate it, unless I set it into practice. But, overall, it was a useful reading.

[Mira Prater · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok. We’re going for it. We’ll see how it goes!

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't see how leaving your baby to cry for them to sleep is the right thing to do. I cannot wrap my head around this

[Abby Wu · Rating 2 out of 5]

Back in 2017, we were sleep deprived parents desperate for any advice. We picked up the original version of this book and started working on a routine for our son. At the time, I found the book very stressful and overwhelming. I didn't finish the book but utilized some of the advice. After working on my baby's routine, he started to sleep through the night! Perhaps the book was helpful.

Fast forward to 2024, my second born is 9 months old and still not sleeping through the night, even though I am doing the routines that worked for the first baby. I thought, "Maybe I am missing something. Maybe I should re-read Babywise and finish it this time." So I picked up the latest version of the book.

Well, I've finished it and I must say that I am disappointed. This newer version seemed like a totally different book from what I remembered. I did find the book less stressful than my first attempt, however many parts still felt condescending. As for the advice with my current journey? I wasn't missing anything. In fact, the book's advice given is pretty generic and doesn't even offer helpful specifics on "how" to get your baby to sleep longer.

I'm glad I re-read it because in my in my mind it was a good book, but now I know better. Maybe my sleep deprivation overshadowed my ability to think clearly. I'm still a bit sleep deprived but not as bad as before. My second baby isn't fully sleeping through the night (she is almost there), but most importantly she's happy and healthy. After 7 years of parenting I'd like to think that maybe I've become my own version of "babywise." And that version isn't too bad after all.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this may have been a better book to read as a first time parent, skimming chapter and reading others was a good reminder this time around. I appreciated that the author took the whole first chapter to discuss the importance of marriage and the husband and wife relationship before even getting to baby care. The parent directed feeding method makes sense, but could be presented clearer with more than just facts about why it works, but how to make it work for your baby. I found the chapter in actually implementing it and the schedules not easy to think about applying in real life. A lot of the information in this book is circulated for free on Instagram sleep accounts, mom Facebook groups, and YouTube. However it was nice to read it all presented together and theories behind it.

[Mackenzie Hulsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book has really great information. I feel like it was a little redundant but at the same time had so much info that I need to reread it so I can take better notes in the margins to know what I’m looking for and where to find it. We’ll see if we can figure it out once baby comes and hopefully we’ll all be sleeping a lot better/sooner than we did with our first baby.

[Leah Aiello · Rating 4 out of 5]

My only complaint with this book is that it assumes you can get into a routine immediately. But, in reality, with the difficulty that comes with breastfeeding in the first couple weeks, it forces you to feed on demand. So I felt like I couldn't really use the schedule that the book provided until my baby was about three or four weeks old.
Otherwise, this is an excellent guide to getting your baby to sleep through the night by a couple months old and restoring your own sanity. I found that having a consistent schedule helped me determine why my baby was crying.

[Samcwright · Rating 3 out of 5]

Was curious how this book compared to advice on takingcarababies and a couple other books. Very similar. This book recommends crying out a bit earlier than takingcarababies. It’s all good information.

[Santi Ruiz · Rating 4 out of 5]

All of these books have roughly the same advice, but that doesn't make them bad. The basic idea is that falling asleep by yourself is a skill babies have to learn, and that you have to teach. So:

- no feeding to sleep (don't teach them that they need to eat in order to fall asleep)
- put them to bed sleepy but don't let them fall asleep in your arms regularly
- give them a chance to self-soothe/put themselves back to sleep
- when comforting them at night, don't pick them up unless absolutely necessary

etc etc. All very practically helpful, if not revolutionary. I guess it would be weird if it was revolutionary.