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Sister Secrets: A Brother's Reveal
Sister A Brother's Reveal is a study in regret and hope for dealing with family members who suffer from mental illness, in this case, two sisters who are too-late diagnosed with bipolar disorder. One sister is dead. The other is in prison. Sister Secrets is written by the brother, who examines family dynamics--a farm family in the Red River Valley of rural North Dakota and Minnesota, an often-absent father involved in politics, and sexual abuse--where people often don't talk publicly (or privately) about mental illness. Matthew Valan writes to understand what may have led his beloved sisters to act in the ways they did. His questions led him into many dark spaces of their family life, spaces of which he may have been aware but did not fully comprehend. As he made his way through these dark places, a measure of wholeness and healing came to him, unearthing a passion to help people unlock the secrets of their own lives. "It takes courage to tell this story. From an educational and advocacy perspective, I found Sister Secrets to be compelling and engaging, helpful to those experiencing mental illness and to their family members and friends. Sister Secrets is authentic, well written, and of value to those interested in social work, psychology, counseling, corrections curriculum, and other related behavioral health fields."---Susan Rae Helgeland, MS, Executive Director (Retired), Mental Health America of North Dakota " Sister A Brother s Reveal is about regional memory and the raw and rough past, in all of its awfulness and strangeness. The topics are Lutheran grace, the 1970s, Republican politics, boyhood on the farm, gun un-control, and manic depression when it was just that. As much as the telling jars the reader by recounting abuse, a fatality, and a homicide, Matthew Valan jolts memory by invoking the regional past. The work transcends the scribblings of murder and dysfunction storytellers, and it makes meaning of the world by exploring the contingencies and frailties of regional life as people lived them out." ---Anthony Amato, editor of Conservation on the Northern New Perspectives, and Associate Professor of Social Science, Southwest Minnesota State University
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
128 pages, Paperback
Published March 1, 2018
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April 25, 2018Citizen Review of Sister Secrets: A Brother's Reveal Paperback by Matthew Valan
By Carmen Rath-Wald
Sister Secrets, although a quick read is by no means an easy one. The book shares a tragic and painful family story, which includes physical and verbal abuse, mental illness, and Alzheimer’s in a swirl of insecurities, guilt and regret. Valan ponders if only… throughout the story, convinced that the turn of events might have been different, if only…
What brought the book, Sister Secrets: A Brother's Reveal, into my sights, was the Third Annual NDSU Press Party and Book Launch on March 1, 2018, in Fargo, North Dakota. Valan’s book was one of six launched with public readings. The excerpt that Valan read had to do with his much loved sisters who were sexually abused as very young children. That early abuse may have been what triggered the demise of Valan’s two talented and beautiful siblings.
I was struck by Valan’s clear-eyed examination of the events in the lives of his farm family in the Red River Valley of rural North Dakota and Minnesota. The family farm since 1903 was fertile and productive. The family appeared outwardly successful; the farmer father involved in politics, the beautiful mother riding rein on the children. In addition, the children themselves, the quicksilver lovely Liz, popular and talented home-coming queen, Cordee, and Matt, a big brother to both who sometimes served as rescuer and always an advocate. Family outings of water and snow skiing were enjoyed. There was love. Yet, in spite of all appearances, the story spirals down on a road of irresponsible decisions, abuse and mental illness. What secrets can be pinpointed as causation for the fact that, one sister is now dead, and another is in prison?
Matthew Valan’s book is raw and hurting, but makes room for personal introspection into one’s own life and the dark places we have all visited at one time or another. It is a story for healing and hope, not only for Valan, but for the readers who may use the book as a jumping off point to query their own lives, and unlock secrets their family may hold. If secrets such as abuse and mental illness can be revealed within a family and then dealt with, the “if only” questions might not burden a lifetime.
By Carmen Rath-Wald
Sister Secrets, although a quick read is by no means an easy one. The book shares a tragic and painful family story, which includes physical and verbal abuse, mental illness, and Alzheimer’s in a swirl of insecurities, guilt and regret. Valan ponders if only… throughout the story, convinced that the turn of events might have been different, if only…
What brought the book, Sister Secrets: A Brother's Reveal, into my sights, was the Third Annual NDSU Press Party and Book Launch on March 1, 2018, in Fargo, North Dakota. Valan’s book was one of six launched with public readings. The excerpt that Valan read had to do with his much loved sisters who were sexually abused as very young children. That early abuse may have been what triggered the demise of Valan’s two talented and beautiful siblings.
I was struck by Valan’s clear-eyed examination of the events in the lives of his farm family in the Red River Valley of rural North Dakota and Minnesota. The family farm since 1903 was fertile and productive. The family appeared outwardly successful; the farmer father involved in politics, the beautiful mother riding rein on the children. In addition, the children themselves, the quicksilver lovely Liz, popular and talented home-coming queen, Cordee, and Matt, a big brother to both who sometimes served as rescuer and always an advocate. Family outings of water and snow skiing were enjoyed. There was love. Yet, in spite of all appearances, the story spirals down on a road of irresponsible decisions, abuse and mental illness. What secrets can be pinpointed as causation for the fact that, one sister is now dead, and another is in prison?
Matthew Valan’s book is raw and hurting, but makes room for personal introspection into one’s own life and the dark places we have all visited at one time or another. It is a story for healing and hope, not only for Valan, but for the readers who may use the book as a jumping off point to query their own lives, and unlock secrets their family may hold. If secrets such as abuse and mental illness can be revealed within a family and then dealt with, the “if only” questions might not burden a lifetime.
May 27, 2018
Sister Secrets:A Brother's Reveal by Matthew Valan is an excellent story of a brother, Matthew Valan, coming to terms with the reality of his sisters' tragic lives. I found the book to be an easy and riveting read completing it in almost one afternoon. Matthew Valan begins the story with almost the end and this serves to grab the reader and keep them interested. Also each chapter is headed with a quote that the author uses to explain the aspect of his life, his sisters' lives, or his family that he wants to explain. The book is well organized and gives the reader many things to think about. After finishing the book I have found myself unable to stop thinking about it and wanting to be able to discuss the book with someone. I commend the author's bravery for opening up his family to the close scrutiny that the book will bring to them and I am thankful he was will to share his story. This book is short but it has a big lesson for all of us.
May 19, 2020
Wow! Sexual abuse in a child's formative years has lifelong consequences. As I read this true account of a family's struggle by a well known and loved Fargo pastor, I remembered accounts revealed to me by my own acquaintances throughout my life. As he ached for his sisters, I ached for my friends.
This small book is well written. The quotations at the beginning of each chapter reveal a well read, intelligent author.
This small book is well written. The quotations at the beginning of each chapter reveal a well read, intelligent author.
November 24, 2020
This book could have been one of two things. It could have been a gripping memoir about a family that seemed perfect on the surface, but like almost all families, had its secrets and flaws. Or it could have been the simple story of a pastor trying to come to terms with his grief over the illnesses and loss of his sisters, told in a way to help others who are going through similar issues. But this book, as it was published, tried to be both, and that just didn't work for me. If Rev. Valan had wanted it to be a memoir, he had a compelling story but needed a judicious editor and possibly a co-writer to achieve that. If he wanted it to be more of a self-help book, it could have still used an editor to organize the story and the advice he's offering--the text skips around and repeats information quite a bit. I'm a little surprised that even a small publishing house like NDSU Press published this as it is. It seems much more like something that would have been self-published. But if Rev. Valan got some peace and closure from writing and publishing the book, that's a good thing. Just wish I hadn't spent money on it.
October 18, 2019
Sister Secrets is written by a man desperately trying to understand what happened to the family of his childhood - how did it happen that his sisters' lives were so tragic? This is a story of abuse, silence and loss. Matthew Valan tries so hard to understand what went wrong and asks with such heart-wrenching sadness what could have been done to change the course of events.
December 23, 2024
Valans fierce attempt to breakdown the midwestern wall of shame surrounding isolation, abuse, and mental health disorders serves as a compelling narrative. He shares a heartfelt and heartbreaking story of love and pain, in a plain down to earth and thoughtful manner. The book deals with painful subjects in a tasteful, frank manner while staying vivid and compelling.
March 12, 2021
Having a family member who is bipolar I was curious to read this. A friend who knows Mr. Valan borrowed me her copy. Revealing family secrets must be a difficult decision. This is the first book in a long time that kept me awake and I couldn't put down.
July 30, 2018
Sad story of mental illness in a family and the tragedy that can result.
November 22, 2018
Literally couldn’t put it down. Intense and powerful in all the best ways!
April 13, 2019
I imagine this book is a more interesting/impactful for those who are dealing with a mental illness, or know someone who is.
The narrative is well-written and I commend Matt on not placing blame on any one facet of the situation. Life is complex and many things that may not seem harmful at the time can culminate in tragic incidents. It certainly calls into consideration the multitude of things that any person may be dealing with at any given time and, therefore, how a little kindness and grace can mean quite a lot. Though they may be hard to see beyond, people are much more than their worst actions.
The narrative is well-written and I commend Matt on not placing blame on any one facet of the situation. Life is complex and many things that may not seem harmful at the time can culminate in tragic incidents. It certainly calls into consideration the multitude of things that any person may be dealing with at any given time and, therefore, how a little kindness and grace can mean quite a lot. Though they may be hard to see beyond, people are much more than their worst actions.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews