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The Ambition Decisions: What Women Know About Work, Family, and the Path to Building a Life
A big idea self-help book about the decisions that shape women's lives, in the vein of Designing Your Life
What happens to women's ambition in the years after college? The essays which were the catalyst for this book began as a series for the Atlantic, a project between two friends who had attended Northwestern University together in the early 1990s. What became of all the brilliant, hardworking women from their college days, they wondered as they shared work and family woes and triumphs over a glass of wine one evening.
What did life look like for other midcareer, midlife women? The data Schank and Wallace culled from the group of women they interviewed--over forty of them in all--revealed a surprisingly clear road map, with consistencies and pitfalls the authors hadn't expected to find. The women fell into one of three categories: high achievers, those who were scaling back, and those who'd opted out. But, most important, no one woman stuck to a single track in the twenty-five years since graduation. Our culture and the popular media might seek to pin women into boxes, but real life is in fact more fluid. Those common moments of transition, crisis, and achievement reaped rich insights and strategies.
Tackling topics like the changing meaning of ambition, the near-lethal combination of modern parenting and a 24/7 work culture, and what sexism in the workplace does and doesn't look like, the issues here are perennially topical. A love letter to a new generation of working women or anyone at a crossroads, from women who set out to rule the world and stumbled into various permutations of their best lives, The Ambition Decisions pinpoints the variables that push women toward making big decisions, and make those decisions easier.
What happens to women's ambition in the years after college? The essays which were the catalyst for this book began as a series for the Atlantic, a project between two friends who had attended Northwestern University together in the early 1990s. What became of all the brilliant, hardworking women from their college days, they wondered as they shared work and family woes and triumphs over a glass of wine one evening.
What did life look like for other midcareer, midlife women? The data Schank and Wallace culled from the group of women they interviewed--over forty of them in all--revealed a surprisingly clear road map, with consistencies and pitfalls the authors hadn't expected to find. The women fell into one of three categories: high achievers, those who were scaling back, and those who'd opted out. But, most important, no one woman stuck to a single track in the twenty-five years since graduation. Our culture and the popular media might seek to pin women into boxes, but real life is in fact more fluid. Those common moments of transition, crisis, and achievement reaped rich insights and strategies.
Tackling topics like the changing meaning of ambition, the near-lethal combination of modern parenting and a 24/7 work culture, and what sexism in the workplace does and doesn't look like, the issues here are perennially topical. A love letter to a new generation of working women or anyone at a crossroads, from women who set out to rule the world and stumbled into various permutations of their best lives, The Ambition Decisions pinpoints the variables that push women toward making big decisions, and make those decisions easier.
287 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 19, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews
September 24, 2018
Learned of this book while listening to one of my favorite personal finance podcasts and really wanted to like it. While the authors do a decent job of highlighting the work-life balance issues posed by the modern-day working world, the book speaks only to a small set of very privileged women. This makes sense, as their "data pool" consisted only of their Northwestern sorority sisters, most of whom graduated in the 1990s, before the dating world imploded. Unfortunately, the book almost entirely ignores the existence of single parents and single women generally. In addition, the authors seem to forget that people without spouses or children also struggle with work-life balance, as the working world sometimes seems to demand even more of these individuals. Despite their privilege, the women profiled in the book appear ever-dissatisfied with their abundant lives, and compulsively strive. Truth be told, the women are rock stars, but many have lost perspective, forgetting the plight of most people. The authors also appear to frown upon any woman who does not place career at No. 1, and on women who have not been successful in obtaining greater involvement from their spouses. Authors, consider that such demands might have gone unheard. If you are a busy, female, Ivy-League-adjacent grad with a supportive spouse and the need to be the best, this book is for you. If not, perhaps we should wait for the second edition.
July 6, 2018
I am finding this book to be one of the more thought provoking books I've read in a long while. It's both validating AND inspiring, allowing me to feel good about where my ambition has brought me thus far, yet also bringing to light where some of my ambition has waned along the way - and how I can fix that. This book illuminates how you truly can tweak your path to fit your life at any moment - and it doesn't have to mean a major life over-haul. If you've had shifting visions of what you think you ought to be doing in both your career and personal life for fulfillment, and wonder if what you are doing is good enough, or ambitious enough, this book will speak to you.
June 26, 2018
Anecdotal sociology framed in a self-help-y rubric. This has all the rigor of an Atlantic think piece, but I found it interesting to hear what a variety women in their mid-40s have to say about the working/parenting life.
August 9, 2026
I really liked this! As someone coming from a similar situation (member of a sorority at a school filled with ambitious high achievers) I really liked getting to read the experiences of women who were in the same boat. It gave me great perspective on how to approach tough decision points and have informed conversations with friends and partners about kids/work life balance/etc.
November 5, 2019
This is a book for a very narrow audience: it’s for women, it’s for privileged women, it’s for privileged women who can afford going to a very very very good college — and the authors mention that from the beginning of the book, so you’re not misguided here.
Ans still... this was exactly what I needed to read now — not because the book gives you answers, but because it brings you the same questions you’re making. And by telling different stories of how a variety of women handled those life challenges, how they had made choices, how they even don’t know some of the answers yet, the book gives you a very valuable treasure of knowing you’re not alone, and helps you collecting “data” (a very biased data, but that you already know) for you to build you own answer to those questions.
For me reading this book was an excellent example of how reading can be a magical match of people and time: it was perfect for my needs now, but it might now be for other people — or even for the “me” of some years ago, when those worries were not present on my life.
Ans still... this was exactly what I needed to read now — not because the book gives you answers, but because it brings you the same questions you’re making. And by telling different stories of how a variety of women handled those life challenges, how they had made choices, how they even don’t know some of the answers yet, the book gives you a very valuable treasure of knowing you’re not alone, and helps you collecting “data” (a very biased data, but that you already know) for you to build you own answer to those questions.
For me reading this book was an excellent example of how reading can be a magical match of people and time: it was perfect for my needs now, but it might now be for other people — or even for the “me” of some years ago, when those worries were not present on my life.
October 22, 2018
A really interesting, fast-paced book about women, work, and how ambition works its way through one's life. It takes a narrow cross section of the population, so I would have loved to see a wider lens, but it still felt relevant to me personally and so was definitely worth a read.
March 28, 2023
I found this relatable and generally interesting.
Wouldn't read again.
Wouldn't read again.
January 6, 2019
I have a nearly insatiable appetite for meditations on feminism and work-life balance, but this book didn’t offer anything as insightful or revolutionary as its authors thought it did. Indeed, I don’t know many women who haven’t had the same kinds of conversations as those recounted here with their own friends on many occasions. Moreover, there is a certain self-congratulatory tone that pops up in several places. They speak of themselves and their Northwestern sorority sisters as though they are uniquely talented and brilliant and their stories can serve as a model and road map for everyone else. And their generalizations irked me because they were often completely self-evident (partners need to discuss their household division of labor) or insultingly, well, general (women don’t feel comfortable talking about money). All in all, a miss for me.
Read
July 11, 2018My interview with Hana Schank:
IN 2012, HANA SCHANK and Elizabeth Wallace were 20 years out of college, but both found themselves at a crossroads in their careers. Both women, friends from their time together at Northwestern University, were successful and happily married with children – but wondered why they didn't feel more fulfilled.
They recalled a conversation they'd had in college with a group of their sorority sisters about their lofty ambitions – dreaming about becoming Cabinet secretaries, high-powered lawyers and opera stars – and wondered how those women's lives had shaken out. Eventually, they talked to nearly all of the women in their sorority's graduating class for a series of essays in The Atlantic that eventually became "The Ambition Decisions: What Women Know About Work, Family and the Path to Building a Life." Schank recently spoke with U.S. News about the choices women make. Excerpts:
We traditionally think of ambition as wanting to achieve the traditional measures of success – the desire to climb the corporate ladder, or acquire money, power or fame – but you suggest it should be more broadly defined. What did you find ambition means for the women you interviewed?
There's this very traditional view of ambition in society, which is that you're ambitious in your career, period, end of story, and that if you do not have this very fancy-looking career, you must not be an ambitious person. What we learned in interviewing our friends was that there are actually many, many different ways to direct ambition.
We spoke with people who might be stay-at-home moms or might have either scaled back careers or careers where they have stayed in one spot for a period of time and chosen not to move up because they wanted to direct their ambition in other ways. They might be interested in being a really ambitious parent and being really hands on and making great lunches for their kids and being there at 3 o'clock to meet the school bus. We had one friend who is a teacher so she could have the summers off because she loves birds and she volunteers for the National Park Service to count birds. You might want to direct your ambition into hiking, or living in a great place, or volunteering in an animal shelter.
There is this classic definition of ambition being something that is publicly recognized. You get that in your career: When you move up, you're getting that public recognition that you did something, the "yay for you!" that you really don't get that in the other areas, but that doesn't make you not ambitious.
Part of the premise of the book is that all of the women you spoke with were obviously deeply ambitious in college, but not all of them went on to have high-powered careers. Were the women as likely to be satisfied with their lives if they had succeeded in getting those traditional ambitions than those who ended up staying at home with kids?
We found our friends falling into three trajectories we called the High-Achievers, the Opt-Outers, and the other was this group that we labeled the Flex-Lifers. Of those three groups, the High-Achievers came across as the least conflicted. They had chosen to channel all their ambition into their career, and they had arranged the other pieces of their lives to allow them to do that. Whether they were not married, didn't have children or were married to someone who stayed at home, their work was a primary focus, and that primary focus gave them a lot of satisfaction because they were rewarded at work, they were promoted, they were financially rewarded, they had people at work saying, "Good job, we like you," and that really provided them with a good sense of self.
For the others, if you stay at home or if you have chosen to plateau your career so you can do other things, by the very definition of those paths, you're more scattered and have other things going on, so you're sort of more scattered instead of getting this positive feedback loop, so that was more of a challenge for people.
Even though women have come a long way toward achieving equality in American society, women who prioritize their careers over their families still get criticized. How did the High-Achievers in your group handle that?
I think we went into this expecting it to find that, because that's the trope you see in the movies in the media, that if you have this superstar career but you never get to see your kids, you're actually a terrible mother – but we didn't find that at all.
The High-Achievers who had demanding careers felt like what they were doing was very important for their children. They felt like they were providing for their families, they felt like they were being good role models and even though they might have less hands-on time with their kids, they felt that the time that they had, they were 100 percent focused on their kids. Of course they miss things and they felt guilt over missing things, but we all miss things, whatever we're doing. They were also very good at establishing boundaries, and were able to say, "Realistically, here are the ways I can be a parent." By setting expectations for themselves and also for their children, they didn't disappoint anyone and they didn't feel guilt or didn't feel overwhelming guilt at the things that they were missing.
We have one person who is very senior at a bank and also managed to coach her children's math team, so I don't think she felt guilt, because I think she felt she was doing pretty good. We also had somebody who is a pediatrician who actually was a part-time pediatrician but felt a lot of guilt around that she would go to drop-off and she didn't really know the mothers, and they would all hang out together and she didn't know them.
Read the rest of the interview here.
IN 2012, HANA SCHANK and Elizabeth Wallace were 20 years out of college, but both found themselves at a crossroads in their careers. Both women, friends from their time together at Northwestern University, were successful and happily married with children – but wondered why they didn't feel more fulfilled.
They recalled a conversation they'd had in college with a group of their sorority sisters about their lofty ambitions – dreaming about becoming Cabinet secretaries, high-powered lawyers and opera stars – and wondered how those women's lives had shaken out. Eventually, they talked to nearly all of the women in their sorority's graduating class for a series of essays in The Atlantic that eventually became "The Ambition Decisions: What Women Know About Work, Family and the Path to Building a Life." Schank recently spoke with U.S. News about the choices women make. Excerpts:
We traditionally think of ambition as wanting to achieve the traditional measures of success – the desire to climb the corporate ladder, or acquire money, power or fame – but you suggest it should be more broadly defined. What did you find ambition means for the women you interviewed?
There's this very traditional view of ambition in society, which is that you're ambitious in your career, period, end of story, and that if you do not have this very fancy-looking career, you must not be an ambitious person. What we learned in interviewing our friends was that there are actually many, many different ways to direct ambition.
We spoke with people who might be stay-at-home moms or might have either scaled back careers or careers where they have stayed in one spot for a period of time and chosen not to move up because they wanted to direct their ambition in other ways. They might be interested in being a really ambitious parent and being really hands on and making great lunches for their kids and being there at 3 o'clock to meet the school bus. We had one friend who is a teacher so she could have the summers off because she loves birds and she volunteers for the National Park Service to count birds. You might want to direct your ambition into hiking, or living in a great place, or volunteering in an animal shelter.
There is this classic definition of ambition being something that is publicly recognized. You get that in your career: When you move up, you're getting that public recognition that you did something, the "yay for you!" that you really don't get that in the other areas, but that doesn't make you not ambitious.
Part of the premise of the book is that all of the women you spoke with were obviously deeply ambitious in college, but not all of them went on to have high-powered careers. Were the women as likely to be satisfied with their lives if they had succeeded in getting those traditional ambitions than those who ended up staying at home with kids?
We found our friends falling into three trajectories we called the High-Achievers, the Opt-Outers, and the other was this group that we labeled the Flex-Lifers. Of those three groups, the High-Achievers came across as the least conflicted. They had chosen to channel all their ambition into their career, and they had arranged the other pieces of their lives to allow them to do that. Whether they were not married, didn't have children or were married to someone who stayed at home, their work was a primary focus, and that primary focus gave them a lot of satisfaction because they were rewarded at work, they were promoted, they were financially rewarded, they had people at work saying, "Good job, we like you," and that really provided them with a good sense of self.
For the others, if you stay at home or if you have chosen to plateau your career so you can do other things, by the very definition of those paths, you're more scattered and have other things going on, so you're sort of more scattered instead of getting this positive feedback loop, so that was more of a challenge for people.
Even though women have come a long way toward achieving equality in American society, women who prioritize their careers over their families still get criticized. How did the High-Achievers in your group handle that?
I think we went into this expecting it to find that, because that's the trope you see in the movies in the media, that if you have this superstar career but you never get to see your kids, you're actually a terrible mother – but we didn't find that at all.
The High-Achievers who had demanding careers felt like what they were doing was very important for their children. They felt like they were providing for their families, they felt like they were being good role models and even though they might have less hands-on time with their kids, they felt that the time that they had, they were 100 percent focused on their kids. Of course they miss things and they felt guilt over missing things, but we all miss things, whatever we're doing. They were also very good at establishing boundaries, and were able to say, "Realistically, here are the ways I can be a parent." By setting expectations for themselves and also for their children, they didn't disappoint anyone and they didn't feel guilt or didn't feel overwhelming guilt at the things that they were missing.
We have one person who is very senior at a bank and also managed to coach her children's math team, so I don't think she felt guilt, because I think she felt she was doing pretty good. We also had somebody who is a pediatrician who actually was a part-time pediatrician but felt a lot of guilt around that she would go to drop-off and she didn't really know the mothers, and they would all hang out together and she didn't know them.
Read the rest of the interview here.
June 12, 2026
Thank god for feminism; first, second, third, and fourth wave - I’ll take it all. Thank god for the newly popular use of the term “weaponized incompetence”. Thank god women are learning that men doing chores in the household is not “helping” but just doing their part. Thank god we are calling out men for claiming to be leaders and heads of households when they apparently can’t understand the delegation of tasks without an explicit outline. As with all things, not all men - but enough men.
I went into this expecting a data-driven or numerical analysis of how motherhood impacts mental health and career trajectories. Instead, I encountered a collection of anecdotes from a single class of college graduates, which felt limited despite claims of diversity. This narrow scope makes the book ineffective as a referential source, so I wouldn’t recommend using it to support broader arguments regarding women's professional choices. But it wasn't entirely inconsequential and is definitely worth the read if you have the time.
I went into this expecting a data-driven or numerical analysis of how motherhood impacts mental health and career trajectories. Instead, I encountered a collection of anecdotes from a single class of college graduates, which felt limited despite claims of diversity. This narrow scope makes the book ineffective as a referential source, so I wouldn’t recommend using it to support broader arguments regarding women's professional choices. But it wasn't entirely inconsequential and is definitely worth the read if you have the time.
February 1, 2023
As someone who is constantly Googling to get through life, I enjoyed reading this book that outlined many lives of ambitious women and what their trajectories looked like after graduating with a 4 year degree. It offered a look into many potential futures and got me thinking about what non-negotiable things I would consider for my career, future family, and overall life might be- and reiterated a point that I have (slowly) been learning about life- it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to be satisfied with enough. And it's okay to change your mind again want want more. That's life! Fun, easy to read and something I would suggest if you are trying to life plan like me, definitely something to read through! (Side note: it is very one sided focusing on only women with 4 year (or more) degrees).
April 6, 2026
Wonderful! It was great to read about so many real-life examples of life decisions, big and small, from the different perspectives of all the women mentioned. Although I personally didn't relate to the high-achieving mindset of a lot of those women and a more diverse data pool would be beneficial, it was still some nice advice on life, career, partnership, etc. There's bound to be a story that resonates with you. There are lessons that can be gleaned from almost any of them that can be applied to your own life.
June 22, 2026
if you are a woman and you want a career YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK
January 2, 2019
Here is my disclaimer: I don't like self-help books and this felt like one. So, if you enjoy those types of books, you may really enjoy this one. For me, I felt like this book didn't contain any information that anyone who has graduated from college and lived a life into her 40s doesn't already have. There was simply nothing useful to me in this book, and I felt like I wasted my time by reading it. I would have stopped 50 pages in if it wasn't a book club book.
February 11, 2025
Great chick lit with feminist rhetoric in a way that speaks to all women.
August 13, 2018
This is more like a 2.5 for me but I'm rounding up.
January 17, 2019
At this point, this small study, that reads easy as if multiple similar biographies, was largely validating, confirming ideas I have come to after reflection, study, and thought; however, I would highly recommend this to college women and women considering heterosexual marriage and/or children (i.e. mostly helpful and insightful to the under 30/35 crowd).
That said, validation is ok, too, if the reality is not utterly disappointing and discouraging:
“While there are now....groups that help women.. statistics remain bleak on the prospects for middle-aged women finding those money jobs in today’s workforce. ...Middle-aged women’s resumes are overlooked based on age alone...with women over fifty accounting for half of the long-term unemployed.”
However, “There is a power conferred on women in their forties, a liberation upon realizing that, in ways both large and small, your life is your own to live, and that you can get divorced, get a job, or get a tattoo, and the world will not fall apart.” Not so long ago, especially still in the ‘70s, but even into the ‘80s and to the present, it has been hard, as a woman, to not follow someone else’s rules (e.g. parent pleasers), or social pressures/relationships.
Also, the discussion surrounding passion vs economics vs your gifts was compelling- “the satisfaction of a job well done” vs some deep-rooted passion.
While not discussed in terms of cultural societal changes, women have, and continue to have, difficult decisions and consequences surrounding the career-marriage-parenting trifecta. Until more men realize women can’t earn the money and care for them and the family effectively and employers and society support those men and women raising children, I expect the struggle will continue.
That said, validation is ok, too, if the reality is not utterly disappointing and discouraging:
“While there are now....groups that help women.. statistics remain bleak on the prospects for middle-aged women finding those money jobs in today’s workforce. ...Middle-aged women’s resumes are overlooked based on age alone...with women over fifty accounting for half of the long-term unemployed.”
However, “There is a power conferred on women in their forties, a liberation upon realizing that, in ways both large and small, your life is your own to live, and that you can get divorced, get a job, or get a tattoo, and the world will not fall apart.” Not so long ago, especially still in the ‘70s, but even into the ‘80s and to the present, it has been hard, as a woman, to not follow someone else’s rules (e.g. parent pleasers), or social pressures/relationships.
Also, the discussion surrounding passion vs economics vs your gifts was compelling- “the satisfaction of a job well done” vs some deep-rooted passion.
While not discussed in terms of cultural societal changes, women have, and continue to have, difficult decisions and consequences surrounding the career-marriage-parenting trifecta. Until more men realize women can’t earn the money and care for them and the family effectively and employers and society support those men and women raising children, I expect the struggle will continue.
June 23, 2026
3.75 - I imagine someone in their 20s would gain more insight from this book compared to someone in their 30s, and so on and so on. I did find the wide variety of women's household, career, domestic life, finance arrangements very interesting. It was validating to hear that standard of success and normal are different for everyone. The division of labor, mental load, etc. is very gendered and continues to be 8 years later. This book brings up important topic that couples should have as they venture into cohabitation, family, career growth, etc. A good book club as lots of discussion points and chances to find differences or similarities between people.
That all being said, this was from 2018 and written by white women in their 40s who all went to a private university and got degrees. While they did highlight some diverse SES backgrounds (and not all were hetero/white) within the group, most of them had very privileged backgrounds. Domestic life, career, finances, marital issues can all be relatable across many backgrounds, but this was a select group of people. Culture changes so fast so even 8 years later parts felt quite outdated. This felt like a case study of people but advertised as self-help where quite a bit of generalization occurs. I liked more of the beginning/middle than the end as it left off on a "pull yourself by your bootstraps/it's never too late for your dreams" mindset.
I still very much so enjoyed it and got a good amount out of it. But I realize it's because I'm in my 20s, with a live-in boyfriend, start of my career. I fit the demographic of the women. Those who don't exactly may find this harder to relate to. And progressive millennials/GenZ-ers may find issue with the homogeneity and generalizations.
That all being said, this was from 2018 and written by white women in their 40s who all went to a private university and got degrees. While they did highlight some diverse SES backgrounds (and not all were hetero/white) within the group, most of them had very privileged backgrounds. Domestic life, career, finances, marital issues can all be relatable across many backgrounds, but this was a select group of people. Culture changes so fast so even 8 years later parts felt quite outdated. This felt like a case study of people but advertised as self-help where quite a bit of generalization occurs. I liked more of the beginning/middle than the end as it left off on a "pull yourself by your bootstraps/it's never too late for your dreams" mindset.
I still very much so enjoyed it and got a good amount out of it. But I realize it's because I'm in my 20s, with a live-in boyfriend, start of my career. I fit the demographic of the women. Those who don't exactly may find this harder to relate to. And progressive millennials/GenZ-ers may find issue with the homogeneity and generalizations.
July 18, 2026
4/5
Despite it being one of my yearly ventures into non-fiction, I actually ate up each of the chapters when I sat with them. With five concise chapters, this book was a balm to a frazzled soul contemplating career and children in her 30s.
It involves detailed data from a cohort I identify with and don't often hear from, a sizeable group (N=43), and immediate clear groupings of educated and ambitious women but with emphasis on the variation and movement between groups (High Achievers, Opt-Outers, and Flex-Lifers). Using detailed accounts of the view of the last 20 years of each of these women's life to draw similarities and differences across them in concise topics of Career, Ambition, Marriage, Parenting, Economics, and Change [last one wasn't so much for me yet].
Reading this I was visualizing my friends who are mothers and son-to-be mothers, friends who are not, and our own mom's and mom's I look up to by the first chapter. Immediately I could sort them into these groups and follow some of the patterns laid out by their data.
Like the intro says, it's rare to have a third-party and educated view of the dilemma that is "kids-career-both-none". Because it's possibly the biggest decision as a woman and feels like the one you can never take back. I'll probably be chewing on this for a bit and coming back to it sporadically.
Granted, this book isn't for everyone so go take it with a grain of salt. I don't think it's snobbish or narrow minded as some of the more scathing reviews I've seen. This is just commentary on a particular and common group: women who were ambitious and blessed enough in their early 20s to be in a college, pursuing career after that higher education. It gives a good perspective of those lives a decade or two later.
Despite it being one of my yearly ventures into non-fiction, I actually ate up each of the chapters when I sat with them. With five concise chapters, this book was a balm to a frazzled soul contemplating career and children in her 30s.
It involves detailed data from a cohort I identify with and don't often hear from, a sizeable group (N=43), and immediate clear groupings of educated and ambitious women but with emphasis on the variation and movement between groups (High Achievers, Opt-Outers, and Flex-Lifers). Using detailed accounts of the view of the last 20 years of each of these women's life to draw similarities and differences across them in concise topics of Career, Ambition, Marriage, Parenting, Economics, and Change [last one wasn't so much for me yet].
Reading this I was visualizing my friends who are mothers and son-to-be mothers, friends who are not, and our own mom's and mom's I look up to by the first chapter. Immediately I could sort them into these groups and follow some of the patterns laid out by their data.
Like the intro says, it's rare to have a third-party and educated view of the dilemma that is "kids-career-both-none". Because it's possibly the biggest decision as a woman and feels like the one you can never take back. I'll probably be chewing on this for a bit and coming back to it sporadically.
Granted, this book isn't for everyone so go take it with a grain of salt. I don't think it's snobbish or narrow minded as some of the more scathing reviews I've seen. This is just commentary on a particular and common group: women who were ambitious and blessed enough in their early 20s to be in a college, pursuing career after that higher education. It gives a good perspective of those lives a decade or two later.
August 1, 2018
Listened via friend's audible.
I was told by two friends I must read this book. As a mother balancing her own business and being a mom, this book was exactly what I needed to hear. But you know what? I also needed to hear this book when I was just working after college. And then I needed to hear it again when I became a full time mom. And I will probably need to hear it again in a few years when I will be who knows where!
If you need to be convinced, read the last chapter of this book first. The authors lay it all out for you. There is no judgement in this book - no "this person is better than another." This is just about us - women - who constantly struggle with doing the best we can do and becoming the best people we can become regardless of what that means.
I do hope the authors a) follow up on their friends in another 10 years because I would love to know how things change and b) start speaking out more about this! I personally would love to sit down with them and discuss...but first my book club will be discussing in a few weeks. I can't wait!
Conclusion: A must read for any woman who is between the years of graduating college and retirement :) Moms, non-moms, working, non-working - everyone should hear the things said in this book.
I was told by two friends I must read this book. As a mother balancing her own business and being a mom, this book was exactly what I needed to hear. But you know what? I also needed to hear this book when I was just working after college. And then I needed to hear it again when I became a full time mom. And I will probably need to hear it again in a few years when I will be who knows where!
If you need to be convinced, read the last chapter of this book first. The authors lay it all out for you. There is no judgement in this book - no "this person is better than another." This is just about us - women - who constantly struggle with doing the best we can do and becoming the best people we can become regardless of what that means.
I do hope the authors a) follow up on their friends in another 10 years because I would love to know how things change and b) start speaking out more about this! I personally would love to sit down with them and discuss...but first my book club will be discussing in a few weeks. I can't wait!
Conclusion: A must read for any woman who is between the years of graduating college and retirement :) Moms, non-moms, working, non-working - everyone should hear the things said in this book.
September 14, 2018
25 years after graduating from Northwestern, the authors decide to interview their sorority sisters and look at what paths they chose after college. They saw parallels emerging from their sisters vastly different life choices: high achieving women who prioritized career over family, women who chose to opt out of careers and those who split time between home and work with more flexible schedules.
Each woman chose, and continues to choose, what is best for her in her particular life stage. We all make choices of what and how we will achieve our goals and dreams and how we will prioritize the rest of our lives around those things. It is comforting and encouraging to read about the choices these women made and to see that nothing is set in stone. We can change our direction and set a new course anytime along the way.
The authors do a good job discussing how the distribution of chores at home is not alway easy and the emotional labor women tend to carry for their families regardless of their jobs outsider the home.
The book is an analysis of what women have been told about having it all and balancing everything, Lean In and Drop the Ball, and showing us that we have options. Life doesn’t have to look just one way, or stay that way forever.
Each woman chose, and continues to choose, what is best for her in her particular life stage. We all make choices of what and how we will achieve our goals and dreams and how we will prioritize the rest of our lives around those things. It is comforting and encouraging to read about the choices these women made and to see that nothing is set in stone. We can change our direction and set a new course anytime along the way.
The authors do a good job discussing how the distribution of chores at home is not alway easy and the emotional labor women tend to carry for their families regardless of their jobs outsider the home.
The book is an analysis of what women have been told about having it all and balancing everything, Lean In and Drop the Ball, and showing us that we have options. Life doesn’t have to look just one way, or stay that way forever.
September 15, 2019
Reading this book was extremely thought-provoking, validating and inspired me to make some pretty pivotal decisions about how I want my life to look like that surprised even myself. With that being said, this book does not come without its issues.
The writers here examine how the lives of their now middle-aged sorority sisters from Northwestern University have shaped out focusing on career and family. It’s basically a collection of anecdotes of how different women manage their work/life balance, mainly focusing on the shift that careers can take when women have children.
While many of the anecdotes were inspiring, I found the collection as a whole a bit skewed as it only focuses on already highly-ambitious and mostly affluent women (obviously not everyone can get into/afford Northwestern University). When talking about women (and some men) who decide to take a break from their careers and stay home with their children, a big piece that was missing from the conversation was the issue of finances. Working was largely presented as a choice that obviously not everyone has. A wide range of family models and career trajectories were represented, however it would have greatly benefited more from having interviews with people who don’t have a prestigious Alma Mater on their resume.
Additionally, when bringing up topics such as the pay gender gap and emotional labor I would have liked to see more of an examination of these issues and a conversation about how we can work to change these systemic problems.
Overall a good read if you’re finding yourself struggling with work/life balance issues as it can get the wheels turning a bit!
The writers here examine how the lives of their now middle-aged sorority sisters from Northwestern University have shaped out focusing on career and family. It’s basically a collection of anecdotes of how different women manage their work/life balance, mainly focusing on the shift that careers can take when women have children.
While many of the anecdotes were inspiring, I found the collection as a whole a bit skewed as it only focuses on already highly-ambitious and mostly affluent women (obviously not everyone can get into/afford Northwestern University). When talking about women (and some men) who decide to take a break from their careers and stay home with their children, a big piece that was missing from the conversation was the issue of finances. Working was largely presented as a choice that obviously not everyone has. A wide range of family models and career trajectories were represented, however it would have greatly benefited more from having interviews with people who don’t have a prestigious Alma Mater on their resume.
Additionally, when bringing up topics such as the pay gender gap and emotional labor I would have liked to see more of an examination of these issues and a conversation about how we can work to change these systemic problems.
Overall a good read if you’re finding yourself struggling with work/life balance issues as it can get the wheels turning a bit!
July 4, 2018
So it is less than a 4*; but better than a 3*; so not sure which way to go with it. It really didn't provide any eye opening information. It's informative and somewhat self-affirming but nothing really new. although instead of having a hunch, they sort of qualified the lives of 43 "career"? women. Although these are highly intelligent women, my hunch is that they are somewhat indicative of any group of college-educated women. It's nice to have a term for women and men who decide for whatever reasons to prioritize family over career--flexors. I also liked that they found people can and do hop on/off a specific career path. Maybe the most important info though, is their conclusion on passion and how some have true passion for their career and use their drive and "like" of their career to perhaps build or channel their passion somewhere else. Not overly enlightening but certainly interesting in its anecdotal way.
August 25, 2018
It was really nice to read a book about women juggling work marriage and parenting that included a variety of experiences – not just affluent stay at home moms with PhD’s or NYC/Bay Area women who write from home. To be fair, as the authors are just interviewing there sorority sisters, primarily white primarily heterosexual women that went to a private college in the 90s, we are getting a pretty mainstream crowd. But the women are honest, often more honest than we are with our own friends, and it’s interesting to see literally every experience explored with the idea that who you said out to be at 22 is not always who you are at 42. And sometimes that’s OK, and sometimes that’s frustrating. And sometimes your husband is very supportive, and sometimes you want to kill him. And sometimes you love your job and sometimes you hate your job. And sometimes you love being a mom and sometimes you hate it. More like a support group then a teach-in.
January 10, 2025
This book delves into the unique challenges women face as they navigate major life transitions—whether it’s getting married, having children, or pursuing a new direction in life. Through insightful interviews with women from diverse backgrounds and life paths, the book categorizes them into three groups: High Achievers, who continue to prioritize and excel in their careers despite life changes; Flex Lifers, who adjust their career ambitions to balance personal and professional demands; and those who Opt Out, choosing to pause or leave their careers entirely to focus on personal priorities.
Despite taking different approaches, these women share one unifying trait: unwavering ambition.
A must-read for anyone seeking to better understand the complexities of women’s lives and the intricate balance between career and personal fulfillment, this book is both enlightening and thought-provoking.
Despite taking different approaches, these women share one unifying trait: unwavering ambition.
A must-read for anyone seeking to better understand the complexities of women’s lives and the intricate balance between career and personal fulfillment, this book is both enlightening and thought-provoking.
January 26, 2019
The authors went to Northwestern and in seeing their sorority sisters periodically after college, they realized that everyone always thought the other person "had it all" depending on whether they were high-level executives, stay at home moms or worked part-time. They then tried to interview about 40 or 50 of their sorority sisters who graduated in their year (about 1988) to talk about the work and family choices they made, how they felt about the choices and how they generally felt about their lives. I thought it was interesting but I mostly wanted to read about the people who made my choice. I read the first sections, then skipped the sections about me and have yet to finish it 5 weeks later.
Like many non-fiction books, it might have been a REALLY good long magazine piece.
Like many non-fiction books, it might have been a REALLY good long magazine piece.
September 30, 2019
This book looked at how a group of women navigated their lives and challenges post-university. Granted, it’s an uncommon and elite group of women- all from a sorority at a prestigious university- so their stories are not everyone’s stories. Still, it was interesting to see how these women handled the expectations to “have it all” as modern women. Whether they focused on career, or family, or some combination of the two, each one handled it in a unique way. What I found most intriguing (perhaps because it is such a taboo topic) was the talk around money and finances- whether salary negotiations or power structure in a non-traditional hetero couple, where the woman is the primary breadwinner.
March 30, 2019
This book very much resonated with me. I recognize that I am probably in its prime demographic - white, college-educated, mid-forties - although I do think there are some good nuggets of wisdom and perspective that could be appreciated by others as well. The stories made me examine my own life and career and the decisions I've made along the way - some that were very much intentional, others that I sort of fell into and allowed to happen. It also made me think about what I want out of the next stage of my life. I've recommended this to others who are having this discussion about what kind of life and career they want for themselves and their families.
February 3, 2020
Nothing new here, but put together in an easy to read anecdotal style, based on the work-life histories of one year-class of women from a prestigious US college. As journalists, the authors seem to think they are doing groundbreaking work but are really "re-inventing the wheel" as there is stacks of academic research with bigger and more diverse samples reporting similar conclusions. Probably best suited to young women in their early 20s - everyone older already knows this stuff and would be nodding their heads in agreement as reading.
A word of advice. It's clearer than ever - pick your life partner very carefully.
A word of advice. It's clearer than ever - pick your life partner very carefully.
November 29, 2020
Don't expect a rigorous, academic-style research piece - the conclusions tend to be more anecdoctal, based on general trends gathered from the 40+ interviews they did. Nevertheless, I found the stories and general conclusions to be validating, insightful, and thought-provoking, and especially relevant for college-educated females trying to navigate life, work and family. Anyone who's ever had a quarter life or mid life crisis would relate to it. I'm also making my husband read the book as I feel that the book does a really good job of articulating female thought processes and motivations which I never could really put into words myself.
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