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Mów do mnie
Mam tak przynajmniej dwadzieścia razy dziennie. Robię coś albo coś mówię, albo coś widzę i mam ochotę wysłać pocztówkę do tego miejsca bez adresu, w którym teraz przebywasz: „Szkoda, że Cię tu nie ma”.
Nie ma dobrych słów, by wyrazić ból po stracie. Nie ma słów, które pomogłyby walczyć z pustką po kimś, kto odszedł.
To dlatego Melanie zaczęła malować. Jej matka była dość ekscentryczną artystką, wspaniałą kobietą. Zmarła przedwcześnie na raka. Melanie maluje, by poczuć jej bliskość.
To dlatego Damon zaczął robić zdjęcia. Carlos, jego najlepszy przyjaciel, był fotografem. Odebrał sobie życie. Damon chce zrozumieć, dlaczego. Wierzy, że przez obiektyw jego aparatu zobaczy świat oczami Carlosa.
Dla obojga sztuka to terapia, światło nadziei w trudnym powrocie do normalności.
Spotykają się podczas prób do szkolnej wersji Otella. Mają ze sobą wiele wspólnego, coraz dłuższe rozmowy przynoszą obojgu ulgę. Przekonują się, że czasami wystarczy, by ktoś nas wysłuchał, bo zainteresowanie życzliwej osoby to najlepsze lekarstwo na smutek.
Nie ma dobrych słów, by wyrazić ból po stracie. Nie ma słów, które pomogłyby walczyć z pustką po kimś, kto odszedł.
To dlatego Melanie zaczęła malować. Jej matka była dość ekscentryczną artystką, wspaniałą kobietą. Zmarła przedwcześnie na raka. Melanie maluje, by poczuć jej bliskość.
To dlatego Damon zaczął robić zdjęcia. Carlos, jego najlepszy przyjaciel, był fotografem. Odebrał sobie życie. Damon chce zrozumieć, dlaczego. Wierzy, że przez obiektyw jego aparatu zobaczy świat oczami Carlosa.
Dla obojga sztuka to terapia, światło nadziei w trudnym powrocie do normalności.
Spotykają się podczas prób do szkolnej wersji Otella. Mają ze sobą wiele wspólnego, coraz dłuższe rozmowy przynoszą obojgu ulgę. Przekonują się, że czasami wystarczy, by ktoś nas wysłuchał, bo zainteresowanie życzliwej osoby to najlepsze lekarstwo na smutek.
240 pages, Paperback
First published April 4, 2017
29 people are currently reading
1939 people want to read
About the author
Sonia Belasco
2 books52 followersWriter of stories, music nerd, unapologetic fangirl, worst hipster.
I have spent much of my professional life working with teenagers as a mentor, teacher and therapist, and I am often inspired by their passion, creativity and strength. I am a native of Washington, D.C. and currently live in Philadelphia, PA, in a witchy old house filled with cats and the smells of cooking.
SPEAK OF ME AS I AM, my first YA novel, came out via Philomel Books/Penguin Random House in 2017.
Also: I write queer romance as Natasha Washington.
I have spent much of my professional life working with teenagers as a mentor, teacher and therapist, and I am often inspired by their passion, creativity and strength. I am a native of Washington, D.C. and currently live in Philadelphia, PA, in a witchy old house filled with cats and the smells of cooking.
SPEAK OF ME AS I AM, my first YA novel, came out via Philomel Books/Penguin Random House in 2017.
Also: I write queer romance as Natasha Washington.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 135 reviews
August 4, 2016
This book is BEAUTIFUL.
It’s also incredibly powerful, and moving, and stars a trio of characters that are so instantly lovable that I was hooked instantly. The characters in this are so great, and so effortless, that even though I’ve finished the book I find myself thinking about them all the time. Also, I have gone back a few times to read quotes, which is usually a sign that I LOVE a book.
At its core, this is a book about grief, and the ways that people live with it. Both POV characters (which was done PHENOMENALLY well, as both have distinct voices/personalities) have lost people, and their loss has rocked each of them to the core. We meet them when they’re just learning to live with their loss, and both are coping in different ways.
This is an important book about loss and living after it, and as such, there is a lot about it that is sad, but somehow SPEAK OF ME AS I AM is never depressing or even bleak, which I think is extraordinary. Rather, it’s stunning, and meditative, and incredibly nuanced. I found out later that Belasco has a masters of creative writing, and I am so not surprised, because the detail/beauty of the prose is astonishing at times.
Rant aside: this book doesn’t feel depressing or emotionally manipulative as these characters are people that are forced to deal with grief, rather than plot devices designed to make you cry. All of the characters in this are capable of being extremely funny, especially Tristan, who is Melanie’s best friend. Side note: Tristan is a character I think a lot of people are going to totally fall in love with (myself included).
I think I’ve indulged my fanboy side enough, but yeah, this book is incredible. I think it’ll be one that fans of ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES and THE FAULT IN OUR STARS will go absolutely bananas over. I for one can’t wait to recommend this to everyone when it comes out next year.
It’s also incredibly powerful, and moving, and stars a trio of characters that are so instantly lovable that I was hooked instantly. The characters in this are so great, and so effortless, that even though I’ve finished the book I find myself thinking about them all the time. Also, I have gone back a few times to read quotes, which is usually a sign that I LOVE a book.
At its core, this is a book about grief, and the ways that people live with it. Both POV characters (which was done PHENOMENALLY well, as both have distinct voices/personalities) have lost people, and their loss has rocked each of them to the core. We meet them when they’re just learning to live with their loss, and both are coping in different ways.
This is an important book about loss and living after it, and as such, there is a lot about it that is sad, but somehow SPEAK OF ME AS I AM is never depressing or even bleak, which I think is extraordinary. Rather, it’s stunning, and meditative, and incredibly nuanced. I found out later that Belasco has a masters of creative writing, and I am so not surprised, because the detail/beauty of the prose is astonishing at times.
Rant aside: this book doesn’t feel depressing or emotionally manipulative as these characters are people that are forced to deal with grief, rather than plot devices designed to make you cry. All of the characters in this are capable of being extremely funny, especially Tristan, who is Melanie’s best friend. Side note: Tristan is a character I think a lot of people are going to totally fall in love with (myself included).
I think I’ve indulged my fanboy side enough, but yeah, this book is incredible. I think it’ll be one that fans of ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES and THE FAULT IN OUR STARS will go absolutely bananas over. I for one can’t wait to recommend this to everyone when it comes out next year.
August 6, 2016
I want to swim in the depths of this book. I want to wrap its words around me like a blanket and hold them tight. Because SPEAK OF ME AS I AM is overflowing with some of the most gorgeous writing I've read. Reading it, I felt like I was reading a poem written on a tombstone under a tree bursting with pink apple blossoms.
It's not flowery or inaccessible, though. Sonia's words are jam-packed with beautiful emotion, but they're still completely down to earth. Her characters speak beautifully, but also frankly (and sometimes crudely) about everything from sex to racism and homophobia to death and grieving.
Since SPEAK OF ME AS I AM is about two grieving teens, I was worried it would be painfully sad. It wasn't, though. I mean, it was. It was heartbreaking and devastating. But it felt more beautiful and moving than sad. It was less of a book about losing a piece of your heart, and more of a book about learning to live with a heart that will never be whole again.
I adored this book, and strongly recommend it.
It's not flowery or inaccessible, though. Sonia's words are jam-packed with beautiful emotion, but they're still completely down to earth. Her characters speak beautifully, but also frankly (and sometimes crudely) about everything from sex to racism and homophobia to death and grieving.
Since SPEAK OF ME AS I AM is about two grieving teens, I was worried it would be painfully sad. It wasn't, though. I mean, it was. It was heartbreaking and devastating. But it felt more beautiful and moving than sad. It was less of a book about losing a piece of your heart, and more of a book about learning to live with a heart that will never be whole again.
I adored this book, and strongly recommend it.
September 8, 2016
SPEAK OF ME AS I AM is a moving, meaningful, beautiful book. It pulses with heart, with grief, with the messiness of healing in the wake of loss. You can tell, even before you reach the author note at the end, that this book has deep roots, that the words on the page are personal and weighted, in a way that makes this story so intimate and so beautiful. The writing sings in its descriptions and in its realistic dialogue. I loved lines like this one: "If there was one thing my mother taught me and taught me well, it was how to hold myself together even when I feel broken and messy and awful, like a carton of eggs turned over on the kitchen floor, leaking sticky yolk into the grout between the tile." There were so many quiet moments in this story that shattered my heart. Which rang so true to me--because grief is often the most devastating when it's found in those quiet little moments.
This story is an important, poignant, beautifully written portrait of life after loss. But it has so much sweetness in it, too. And humor. And people caring for one another, and fighting for one another. It is my favorite combination of sweet and salty: sweet tones of romance and friendship, SALTED WITH MY OWN TEARS.
Oh, and--Shakespeare.
I am always a sucker for Shakespeare.
This story is an important, poignant, beautifully written portrait of life after loss. But it has so much sweetness in it, too. And humor. And people caring for one another, and fighting for one another. It is my favorite combination of sweet and salty: sweet tones of romance and friendship, SALTED WITH MY OWN TEARS.
Oh, and--Shakespeare.
I am always a sucker for Shakespeare.
April 1, 2017
Thank you, Philomel Books and NetGalley, for my advanced review copy of Speak of Me as I Am!
Be aware that Speak of Me as I Am deals with death, cancer, suicide and has some offensive language. All of this is discussed down below in my review. There will be spoilers in this review so consider yourself warned.
Speak of Me as I Am is a story about two teenagers, Melanie and Damon, who have both dealt with an immense loss but in different ways. The story made me cry and there were several scenes I enjoyed in the moment, however, there is a lot about this book that bothered me. I see what this story is trying to do. It wants to show us how grief is something we just have to live with and how there are so many different ways we experience it and are faced with it. I really wanted to love this book, but it fell short in so many ways and was even hurtful at times instead.
The story is about Melanie who lost her mother to cancer and Damon who lost his best friend to suicide. Damon is a black teen who we see throughout the book dealing with the loss of Carlos, who is Salvadoran and his best friend. Carlos was a photographer and left all of his photos and his camera behind, and with those Damon clings to his memory and the feelings he carries around with him regarding Carlos’ suicide. Throughout the book, we find out about Carlos’ hard home life but despite this, the reader gets a feeling there is something we don’t know about Carlos’ death yet. What we towards the end of the book find out is something Damon himself first releases after Carlos’ death. Carlos was in love with Damon, which was very clear in the photographs Carlos left behind.
“He was a master at that, at avoiding getting too deep. He could be evasive as hell. But it was all so clear in those photos, all these pictures he took of me but never showed me.”
I wait, but he doesn’t say anything. His hands are shaking. “What, Damon?” I ask. “What was so clear?”
Damon takes in a deep breath and lets it go all at once. “The way he looked at me,” he says.
To me, the story reads as if Carlos killed himself because he was in love with a man, his best friend Damon, and it very much falls into the bury your gays trope. The fact that Carlos was gay (or bisexual, his sexuality was never defined) felt very much like a plot device and like it only existed to make the main character Damon feel ashamed that he didn’t know and support his best friend sooner, despite him not feeling the same way. The way Carlos’ sexuality was used felt cheap because it only served as a way to give the main character meaning to his suicide and I think it could have been dealt with in a lot of other better ways and still convey the story’s main message.
However, we have another character in the story that also plays a large part and that is Tristan. Tristan has been Melanie’s best friend since they were kids, and he is gay. In the beginning of the story I was scared he would fall into the gay best friend trope, however, I did feel that his character got its own subplot and his character was fleshed out which is why I think he becomes much more than just the best friend. Nonetheless, I had issues with his subplot. During the course of the book Tristan’s rich and political parents find out he’s gay and their reaction is to send him to a therapist that is a family friend in the hopes to “cure” him. They force him to go by forbidding him to be a part of the school play unless he meets with this therapist. This is not okay, you cannot cure homosexuality and to even see it suggested in YA book is saddening.
A few other things I had a problem with in Speak of Me as I Am was the fact that the black characters’ skin was described using food comparisons, for example, in the book we see one character described as he “has his mother’s dark, almond-shaped eyes and father’s espresso skin” and our main character Damon is described by the other main character Melanie like “His skin’s the color of latte, with dark, wiry hair and eyes so green they’d make Kermit jealous.”
Another instant that bothers me was how the main character Damon was supposed to be understanding and accepting, yet used the fa-word (a homophobic slur) in a conversation with his cousin who thinks theater is gay. Down below are two quotes that I thought were offensive and that involve this homophobic slur (trigger warning for the fa-word).
First quote,
“Really? You don’t think that’s kind of—”
“—fucking gay?” Jackson finishes. It’s the first thing he’s contributed to the conversation.
“No, actually,” I say. “I don’t think it’s particularly homosexual that I’m participating in the play.”
“All the theater kids are straight-up fags,” Jackson states.
“Yeah, D, he’s not lying,” Prague says.
“Oh, really,” I say, leaning forward in my seat. “How do you know this, Jackson? You spend a lot of time hanging with the theater kids?”
Second quote,
Prague looks down at his shoes, shoulders slumping. “It ain’t like that, D, we were just being—”
“Ignorant, right,” I say. “Because that makes it better. What’re you afraid of, Prague? That you’re gonna catch the faggot bug?”
First of all, when you call someone out on the page for their homophobic and ignorant statements you don’t actually imply or insinuate that they are gay too and if you are so accepting yourself you should never use the fa-word to describe a gay person even if you say it with sarcasm. You cannot show how offensive a word is by using it yourself.
The book also showed ableism which is seen in the following quote,
“I give him this pathetic little half wave in return, a scrunching of my fingers that probably makes me look like I’m physically disabled.”
Verdict: This book is offensive in more ways than one, and I would seriously advise you to read it with caution, if at all. This book has a lot of elements that can be hurtful to marginalized readers and I hope my review has shed some light on why that is. All of my quotes and conclusions comes from the ARC provided to me. There may be differences between the ARC and the final version.
Be aware that Speak of Me as I Am deals with death, cancer, suicide and has some offensive language. All of this is discussed down below in my review. There will be spoilers in this review so consider yourself warned.
Speak of Me as I Am is a story about two teenagers, Melanie and Damon, who have both dealt with an immense loss but in different ways. The story made me cry and there were several scenes I enjoyed in the moment, however, there is a lot about this book that bothered me. I see what this story is trying to do. It wants to show us how grief is something we just have to live with and how there are so many different ways we experience it and are faced with it. I really wanted to love this book, but it fell short in so many ways and was even hurtful at times instead.
The story is about Melanie who lost her mother to cancer and Damon who lost his best friend to suicide. Damon is a black teen who we see throughout the book dealing with the loss of Carlos, who is Salvadoran and his best friend. Carlos was a photographer and left all of his photos and his camera behind, and with those Damon clings to his memory and the feelings he carries around with him regarding Carlos’ suicide. Throughout the book, we find out about Carlos’ hard home life but despite this, the reader gets a feeling there is something we don’t know about Carlos’ death yet. What we towards the end of the book find out is something Damon himself first releases after Carlos’ death. Carlos was in love with Damon, which was very clear in the photographs Carlos left behind.
“He was a master at that, at avoiding getting too deep. He could be evasive as hell. But it was all so clear in those photos, all these pictures he took of me but never showed me.”
I wait, but he doesn’t say anything. His hands are shaking. “What, Damon?” I ask. “What was so clear?”
Damon takes in a deep breath and lets it go all at once. “The way he looked at me,” he says.
To me, the story reads as if Carlos killed himself because he was in love with a man, his best friend Damon, and it very much falls into the bury your gays trope. The fact that Carlos was gay (or bisexual, his sexuality was never defined) felt very much like a plot device and like it only existed to make the main character Damon feel ashamed that he didn’t know and support his best friend sooner, despite him not feeling the same way. The way Carlos’ sexuality was used felt cheap because it only served as a way to give the main character meaning to his suicide and I think it could have been dealt with in a lot of other better ways and still convey the story’s main message.
However, we have another character in the story that also plays a large part and that is Tristan. Tristan has been Melanie’s best friend since they were kids, and he is gay. In the beginning of the story I was scared he would fall into the gay best friend trope, however, I did feel that his character got its own subplot and his character was fleshed out which is why I think he becomes much more than just the best friend. Nonetheless, I had issues with his subplot. During the course of the book Tristan’s rich and political parents find out he’s gay and their reaction is to send him to a therapist that is a family friend in the hopes to “cure” him. They force him to go by forbidding him to be a part of the school play unless he meets with this therapist. This is not okay, you cannot cure homosexuality and to even see it suggested in YA book is saddening.
A few other things I had a problem with in Speak of Me as I Am was the fact that the black characters’ skin was described using food comparisons, for example, in the book we see one character described as he “has his mother’s dark, almond-shaped eyes and father’s espresso skin” and our main character Damon is described by the other main character Melanie like “His skin’s the color of latte, with dark, wiry hair and eyes so green they’d make Kermit jealous.”
Another instant that bothers me was how the main character Damon was supposed to be understanding and accepting, yet used the fa-word (a homophobic slur) in a conversation with his cousin who thinks theater is gay. Down below are two quotes that I thought were offensive and that involve this homophobic slur (trigger warning for the fa-word).
First quote,
“Really? You don’t think that’s kind of—”
“—fucking gay?” Jackson finishes. It’s the first thing he’s contributed to the conversation.
“No, actually,” I say. “I don’t think it’s particularly homosexual that I’m participating in the play.”
“All the theater kids are straight-up fags,” Jackson states.
“Yeah, D, he’s not lying,” Prague says.
“Oh, really,” I say, leaning forward in my seat. “How do you know this, Jackson? You spend a lot of time hanging with the theater kids?”
Second quote,
Prague looks down at his shoes, shoulders slumping. “It ain’t like that, D, we were just being—”
“Ignorant, right,” I say. “Because that makes it better. What’re you afraid of, Prague? That you’re gonna catch the faggot bug?”
First of all, when you call someone out on the page for their homophobic and ignorant statements you don’t actually imply or insinuate that they are gay too and if you are so accepting yourself you should never use the fa-word to describe a gay person even if you say it with sarcasm. You cannot show how offensive a word is by using it yourself.
The book also showed ableism which is seen in the following quote,
“I give him this pathetic little half wave in return, a scrunching of my fingers that probably makes me look like I’m physically disabled.”
Verdict: This book is offensive in more ways than one, and I would seriously advise you to read it with caution, if at all. This book has a lot of elements that can be hurtful to marginalized readers and I hope my review has shed some light on why that is. All of my quotes and conclusions comes from the ARC provided to me. There may be differences between the ARC and the final version.
July 19, 2016
Thank you, Sonia Belasco, for the opportunity to read an advance reader copy of SPEAK OF ME AS I AM. I absolutely fell in love with your voice and with Damon and Melanie. And Tristan! Teenagers (and adults) who want a story and characters they can emotionally connect with will love this tender and gritty realistic read. Kudos!
February 9, 2020
“Grief is complicated. People who see the grieving process as a path toward closure are missing the point. Grief is not about closure; it is about coping in the present. We may spend our entire lives grieving for someone, and this can still be a way of coming to terms with that loss.”
“We’re a society of pretenders,” Melanie murmurs.”
“We’re a society of pretenders,” Melanie murmurs.”
November 29, 2016
This is a gorgeous book, written by a deeply talented writer and storyteller who embraces all sorts of people and asks only that we embrace each other. As other reviewers have said, the book is "about" grief, but if that sounds upsetting keep in mind that grief is made out of love and memory. Melanie and Damon, who cross paths after they've each lost a loved one, are moving, fully real characters. (And their pushy mutual friend, Tristan, is so funny and endearing that he threatens to steal the show sometimes.) This is a novel to sink into, a novel that seems to KNOW who we are the minute we open it: "We all act out parts so people don't see the tricky, knotted-up mess inside of us, but sometimes we don't do such a flawless job, and the messy part peeks out between our frightened fingers." Serious congrats--and admiration--for Sonia Belasco.
September 4, 2016
I don't have words enough to describe how beautiful and touching and important this book is. It's a book about grief and living beyond loss and learning to let others really see you. So much truth in these pages. So well done, such gorgeous, vivid, emotion-filled writing.
May 27, 2017
SO EMOTIONAL AND AMAZING BUT TOTALLY UNDERRATED SO I WILL BE BOOK-PUSHING THIS ONE TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY
April 5, 2017
Two warnings about this review: 1. it's based on an advance uncorrected galley I received from the author and 2. I can't really divorce this beautiful book from the beautiful person that made it. Luckily, it's so good, I don't need to.
This is a lovely, smart, moving story with teenagers who sound and feel like teenagers who have teenager-y experiences while processing acute, fresh grief without removing themselves from the world around them. The writing is lyrical without ever being excessive and the characters move around each other in ways that feel really true and age-appropriate.
I love Damon and Melanie and I love the stuttering, delicate way they come to know and care for each other. I love how simply and clearly they enjoy each other and how honest they are about it with one another. I also love that they struggle to communicate without it becoming meaningless drama. I love Tristan and his effortless affections. I love Prague and how much he tries. I love the careful, concerned parents who respect their growing children's autonomy without forgetting that they're also grieving teenagers who need parenting. I love how much DC feels like a character too, rich and atmospheric and ancient. I love that Carlos and Dana are so, so present in a story that outlives them and that they are both able to evolve from burdens of grief to lights of memory.
I worried that this would be too much for me, emotionally, because of my own personal relationship with both suicide and cancer, but the balance of pain and hope is pitch-perfect, gentle and real and cathartic. I felt lighter in the end and there is nothing more I could have asked for.
I can't wait for this to come out so the world can fall in love with it.
This is a lovely, smart, moving story with teenagers who sound and feel like teenagers who have teenager-y experiences while processing acute, fresh grief without removing themselves from the world around them. The writing is lyrical without ever being excessive and the characters move around each other in ways that feel really true and age-appropriate.
I love Damon and Melanie and I love the stuttering, delicate way they come to know and care for each other. I love how simply and clearly they enjoy each other and how honest they are about it with one another. I also love that they struggle to communicate without it becoming meaningless drama. I love Tristan and his effortless affections. I love Prague and how much he tries. I love the careful, concerned parents who respect their growing children's autonomy without forgetting that they're also grieving teenagers who need parenting. I love how much DC feels like a character too, rich and atmospheric and ancient. I love that Carlos and Dana are so, so present in a story that outlives them and that they are both able to evolve from burdens of grief to lights of memory.
I worried that this would be too much for me, emotionally, because of my own personal relationship with both suicide and cancer, but the balance of pain and hope is pitch-perfect, gentle and real and cathartic. I felt lighter in the end and there is nothing more I could have asked for.
I can't wait for this to come out so the world can fall in love with it.
August 22, 2016
Speak of Me as I Am is such a gorgeous, important book. It portrays the grieving process with such profound clarity and realness, and I would just like to live in this beautiful writing. This is a rare book: one that is just as profound as it is accessible, and it never feels overwrought. It feels like a poem that you can float in.
I love these characters. I love how unflinchingly human they are and the way they see the world. I have no doubt that readers will deeply connect with them and care about them just as much as I do.
I really cannot recommend Speak of Me as I Am highly enough.
I love these characters. I love how unflinchingly human they are and the way they see the world. I have no doubt that readers will deeply connect with them and care about them just as much as I do.
I really cannot recommend Speak of Me as I Am highly enough.
June 29, 2022
I think I'm being a little overly critical of the book in giving it three stars, but there ya go. It was pretty well-written.
positives
- I like the whole idea and execution of a YA novel set against the backdrop of a Shakespeare play
- the characters were generally likeable
- good exploration of grief
negatives
- pacing lagged for me in the second half
- not a lot really happened over the course of the whole book
- end reveal about Carlos was predictable and yet not fully fleshed out
- the characters were *too* likeable, a little flat for me
- pet peeve - contemporary teen or child characters speaking like 30+ adults and having the taste of adults - yes, I get that a teen boy *could* love Etta James, and have a working knowledge of multiple Shakespeare plays, and frequent blues clubs, and enjoy art museums, and almost always say just the right thoughtful thing, and be super hot, and an amazing actor, and have positive relationships with his parents, but... this this character just ended up feeling like some fantasy iteration of someone's dream teen boy, not a real person (to me)
positives
- I like the whole idea and execution of a YA novel set against the backdrop of a Shakespeare play
- the characters were generally likeable
- good exploration of grief
negatives
- pacing lagged for me in the second half
- not a lot really happened over the course of the whole book
- end reveal about Carlos was predictable and yet not fully fleshed out
- the characters were *too* likeable, a little flat for me
- pet peeve - contemporary teen or child characters speaking like 30+ adults and having the taste of adults - yes, I get that a teen boy *could* love Etta James, and have a working knowledge of multiple Shakespeare plays, and frequent blues clubs, and enjoy art museums, and almost always say just the right thoughtful thing, and be super hot, and an amazing actor, and have positive relationships with his parents, but... this this character just ended up feeling like some fantasy iteration of someone's dream teen boy, not a real person (to me)
June 20, 2017
Marked as could-not-finish at page @ 67 pages.
An author I saw at a panel said that you shouldn't write YA if you don't understand young adults, and I'm not sure this author does. Her voices felt all wrong: the teen characters scoffed at things teens love like an adult would. Almost every paragraph contained a long, poetic simile and sometimes it wasn't even the quantity of similes that bothered me but the fact that the repetition of them disrupted any sort of flow there was as my brain reset to read the same sentence structure over and over.
An author I saw at a panel said that you shouldn't write YA if you don't understand young adults, and I'm not sure this author does. Her voices felt all wrong: the teen characters scoffed at things teens love like an adult would. Almost every paragraph contained a long, poetic simile and sometimes it wasn't even the quantity of similes that bothered me but the fact that the repetition of them disrupted any sort of flow there was as my brain reset to read the same sentence structure over and over.
November 25, 2021
Fajna, ale dupy nie urwało.
February 24, 2021
When Melanie and Damon meet, they're both dealing with overwhelming grief. Melanie has lost her mother after cancer ravaged her body and their lives and Damon has lost his closest friend to suicide. Now, both of them are trying to go on with their mundane high school lives, untethered and without direction as the after effects of grief seep into their days. But finding each other just might mean easing the grief as they share their pain.
Speak of Me as I Am takes place in Washington, DC. With the author's personal experience in the area (and as a reader who has lived in the area/worked in DC proper for several years), it was a lot of fun to see the "real" DC portrayed. Familiar places popped up that aren't typical to stories that take place in DC -- we're talking not the usual landmarks like the Washington Monument, but rather the quiet reaches of Rock Creek Park, the particulars of specific Metro stations, and the naming -- and, from my experience -- accurate depiction of a handful of neighborhoods (DC readers -- Petworth and DuPont (and I think Tenley?) make appearances!). This probably isn't all that important to readers who don't know the area, but it is a big part of what endeared me to this novel.
This story is largely dealing with character development, so the external action in the book is fairly minimal. As with a lot of character driven novels, this makes the book a little on the slow side, despite being short in page count. As far as the characters go, I found myself conflicted. While both characters are so consumed in their own grief and readers are treated to limited scenes pre-grief, it can be difficult to separate the character from this encompassing experience. At the same time, as someone who has experienced acute grief from an unexpected death, it's true to life. That said, the book works with what it can in that context, and a subplot involving a school play as well as secondary characters help to give more character detail to Melanie and Damon.
Because both characters are so caught up -- and rightfully so -- in their grief, it makes their relationship seem somewhat unfounded insofar as a genuine relationship goes. When their relationship is built on this shared experience of grief, their chemistry falls short. There's little else, as far as my reading of the novel goes, to suggest that they're compatible. Although it felt like their attraction to each other should have been a bigger part of the plot, it often felt like something more like an aside. Realistic as this might be, the book seems to promise a romantic relationship. With grief pushing along the character development and that development being so central, it's difficult to deliver on a meaningful romance plot. So if you're looking for a sort of romance-saved-me-from-my-grief, this is not the book for you.
It's been a few weeks since I finished Speak of Me as I Am, and I don't recall the prose being especially spectacular, but rather unobtrusive and functional. With the weightiness of the topics, a slightly more stylized prose seemed appropriate, but the lack of it doesn't significantly take from the overall quality of the novel. With alternating perspectives in first person, voice is critical to this book, but I ultimately found it not strong enough and regularly had to flip back or deliberately search for clues to determine who was telling the story at that point.
Speak of Me as I Am was just okay for me. If you like books like All the Bright Places, you'll probably enjoy this one enough, but it may leave a little to be desired.
Speak of Me as I Am takes place in Washington, DC. With the author's personal experience in the area (and as a reader who has lived in the area/worked in DC proper for several years), it was a lot of fun to see the "real" DC portrayed. Familiar places popped up that aren't typical to stories that take place in DC -- we're talking not the usual landmarks like the Washington Monument, but rather the quiet reaches of Rock Creek Park, the particulars of specific Metro stations, and the naming -- and, from my experience -- accurate depiction of a handful of neighborhoods (DC readers -- Petworth and DuPont (and I think Tenley?) make appearances!). This probably isn't all that important to readers who don't know the area, but it is a big part of what endeared me to this novel.
This story is largely dealing with character development, so the external action in the book is fairly minimal. As with a lot of character driven novels, this makes the book a little on the slow side, despite being short in page count. As far as the characters go, I found myself conflicted. While both characters are so consumed in their own grief and readers are treated to limited scenes pre-grief, it can be difficult to separate the character from this encompassing experience. At the same time, as someone who has experienced acute grief from an unexpected death, it's true to life. That said, the book works with what it can in that context, and a subplot involving a school play as well as secondary characters help to give more character detail to Melanie and Damon.
Because both characters are so caught up -- and rightfully so -- in their grief, it makes their relationship seem somewhat unfounded insofar as a genuine relationship goes. When their relationship is built on this shared experience of grief, their chemistry falls short. There's little else, as far as my reading of the novel goes, to suggest that they're compatible. Although it felt like their attraction to each other should have been a bigger part of the plot, it often felt like something more like an aside. Realistic as this might be, the book seems to promise a romantic relationship. With grief pushing along the character development and that development being so central, it's difficult to deliver on a meaningful romance plot. So if you're looking for a sort of romance-saved-me-from-my-grief, this is not the book for you.
It's been a few weeks since I finished Speak of Me as I Am, and I don't recall the prose being especially spectacular, but rather unobtrusive and functional. With the weightiness of the topics, a slightly more stylized prose seemed appropriate, but the lack of it doesn't significantly take from the overall quality of the novel. With alternating perspectives in first person, voice is critical to this book, but I ultimately found it not strong enough and regularly had to flip back or deliberately search for clues to determine who was telling the story at that point.
Speak of Me as I Am was just okay for me. If you like books like All the Bright Places, you'll probably enjoy this one enough, but it may leave a little to be desired.
March 4, 2017
I loved this book. It captured that thing about first grief--that experience of a profound, first grief at a young age--that feeling that can knock a body down, so perfectly. I loved that this story explored the complexity of loss, but also the astrophysics-difficulty of enduring it and living past it. So, so beautifully written, too.
October 6, 2016
This isn't just a book—this is a lifeline. It is a life raft for people who are drowning. It is also a gorgeous piece of prose, an absolutely bewitching story about two characters ravaged by loss and their slow and painful journey toward one another. But make no mistake: this book is going to save lives.
SPEAK OF ME AS I AM is the story of Melanie and Damon, both of whom are living with excruciating loss. In alternating narratives, Sonia paints an exquisite picture of two lives in turmoil; these are two teens who have had essential parts of themselves scooped out. The insights on grief are breathtaking, and the story is so true. I cried for the last twenty pages. The book deals with some hard shit—suicide, cancer, death—and yet manages to find pockets of light in the darkness.
On a pure story level, this book is stunning. Sonia uses words like a painter—her language brightens, evokes, softens, illuminates. She has these turns of phrase that make me sit up and pay attention; sometimes I'd stop and take pictures on my iPhone so I could come back and ruminate on a sentence or an idea. "It will get better. It may never be perfect, but it will be okay."
Her characters weep and grow and blossom on the page. They are so damn REAL, I can't help but hurt for them. I feel Melanie's ache; I agonize with Damon; I miss Carlos; I feel the undeniable spark between Melly and D and want so much for them to take solace in each other. Tristan makes me laugh, and makes me sad, too, that he has to hide who he is. And he's not the only one in this story who feels like they have to hide.
The world needs this book. *I* need this book. Sonia has wrapped up the most beautiful gift and given it to us, bound and breathing. SPEAK OF ME AS I AM touched me deeply, and it's going to touch a lot of people. If a story can save lives—and I believe it can—this one will do so, with gentleness and grace.
SPEAK OF ME AS I AM is the story of Melanie and Damon, both of whom are living with excruciating loss. In alternating narratives, Sonia paints an exquisite picture of two lives in turmoil; these are two teens who have had essential parts of themselves scooped out. The insights on grief are breathtaking, and the story is so true. I cried for the last twenty pages. The book deals with some hard shit—suicide, cancer, death—and yet manages to find pockets of light in the darkness.
On a pure story level, this book is stunning. Sonia uses words like a painter—her language brightens, evokes, softens, illuminates. She has these turns of phrase that make me sit up and pay attention; sometimes I'd stop and take pictures on my iPhone so I could come back and ruminate on a sentence or an idea. "It will get better. It may never be perfect, but it will be okay."
Her characters weep and grow and blossom on the page. They are so damn REAL, I can't help but hurt for them. I feel Melanie's ache; I agonize with Damon; I miss Carlos; I feel the undeniable spark between Melly and D and want so much for them to take solace in each other. Tristan makes me laugh, and makes me sad, too, that he has to hide who he is. And he's not the only one in this story who feels like they have to hide.
The world needs this book. *I* need this book. Sonia has wrapped up the most beautiful gift and given it to us, bound and breathing. SPEAK OF ME AS I AM touched me deeply, and it's going to touch a lot of people. If a story can save lives—and I believe it can—this one will do so, with gentleness and grace.
August 15, 2016
Confession: I am a sucker for great sentences, so this book had me SOLD from page 1. The writing is simply stunning. And not just in a superficial way. There are lines that eviscerate emotionally and others that hit on truths (about grief, love, and friendship) in such a fresh way that I found myself pausing and reflecting often. Brief pauses, though, because the story was too compelling to slow down for long. Damon and Melanie had me by the heartstrings, flipping pages to find out if they'd be OK. Also, Carlos! And Tristan! And the sweet-salty romance! It's hard to say more without giving too much away.
Highly, highly recommend.
Highly, highly recommend.
November 5, 2016
Damon and Melanie are teens whose young lives have been riddled with grief -- Melanie lost her mother to cancer, and Damon, his best friend to suicide. When they find each other, it's the beginning of a path to -- if not actual 'healing' -- you don't "heal" from grief -- to understanding. To learning how to ride it out, each in their own way, supporting each other and drawing strength from their growing bond.
I thought the characters were beautifully drawn. The dialogue was natural and lovely, and there were some sentences, some descriptions and observations of the world that were utterly gorgeous.
I thought the characters were beautifully drawn. The dialogue was natural and lovely, and there were some sentences, some descriptions and observations of the world that were utterly gorgeous.
October 27, 2016
The path to healing is steeped in pain, but Melanie and Damon find each other in their time of need, both of them still reeling from devastating loss. I loved Melanie’s complicated love for the parent she lost, by a daughter who often felt eclipsed by her mother’s larger than life presence. Damon’s struggle to come to terms with his best friend’s suicide is palpable on every page. You know there’s more to the story; you just don’t know what until the end. Gorgeous writing, Shakespeare, and romance are added bonus points to this poignant and powerful story.
November 20, 2017
Anger, grief, regret, and love is portrayed into the book, "Speak Of Me As I Am' by Sonia Belasco. As teens Melonie and Damon are finding their way in the world, they experience the loss of a loved one. As regret and grief sink in they find comfort and love in each other. Each with their own set of talents find their way into the school's play of Othello, in hopes of a diversion. As challenges come, they fight together and grow an inseparable bond.
I absolutely loved this book, and the way that Sonia Belasco wrote it. It displays that everyone is fighting their own battle, and the best thing that you can do is to be there for one another. This heartwarming literacy brings both sadness and happiness, that the two main characters must decide which one to give into.
I absolutely loved this book, and the way that Sonia Belasco wrote it. It displays that everyone is fighting their own battle, and the best thing that you can do is to be there for one another. This heartwarming literacy brings both sadness and happiness, that the two main characters must decide which one to give into.
March 2, 2019
Children, authors, repeat after me:
sexualities aren't plot devices
. Are we good? Yes? Okay.
Carlos here was a victim of the dreaded Bury Your Gays trope. Trevor was nothing more than the token gay friend in a book that shows conversion therapy as a viable option (in case you don't know, it isn't) and suggests that homosexuality can be cured, therefore implying heterosexuality is the norm and everyone else is just 'deviant'. That, along with the abundance of homophobic language throughout the book is more than enough to declare this book as not being LGBTQ-friendly.
Melanie was kind of there. She was an absolute douche to her father—who, by the way, was grieving as well—and had no other purpose than to serve as a love interest.
Carlos here was a victim of the dreaded Bury Your Gays trope. Trevor was nothing more than the token gay friend in a book that shows conversion therapy as a viable option (in case you don't know, it isn't) and suggests that homosexuality can be cured, therefore implying heterosexuality is the norm and everyone else is just 'deviant'. That, along with the abundance of homophobic language throughout the book is more than enough to declare this book as not being LGBTQ-friendly.
Melanie was kind of there. She was an absolute douche to her father—who, by the way, was grieving as well—and had no other purpose than to serve as a love interest.
October 9, 2020
Sonia Belasco’s book Speak of Me as I Am is beautiful and extremely touching. This book caught my attention the most because first, I’m a sucker for books in the romance genre. Second, the summary on the back of the book left me wanting to know more about Melanie and Damon, the protagonists of this novel. Both Melanie and Damon are suffering the loss of two important people, Melanie’s loss being the one of her mother who lost her battle to cancer, and Damon’s being his best friend who took his own life. Belasco made reading all about Melanie and Damon’s grieving quite interesting; it was a slow process, but they began to feel some closure when they met and joined their school’s production of Othello. Because they could both relate to losing loved ones, their bond became stronger and stronger to the point where they fell in love. One thing I absolutely adored about this book was the amount of diversity in all the characters which some might consider comforting or refreshing. Belasco made a really good point about how sometimes a tragedy can lead to new beginnings. If you have time on your hands, you should definitely read this book!
June 13, 2023
Fabularnie książka nie jest spektakularna. Raczej spokojna, prosta i dość przeciętna. Jednak emocjonalnie burzliwa i bardzo mnie dotknęła. Przemyślenia bohaterów, ich przeżywanie starty bliskiej osoby trafiły do mnie. Uważam że sama żałoba jest bardzo dobrze przedstawiona oraz myśli i sam sens książki bardzo dobry.
Fabuła jest taka sobie ale kompletnie nie o to chodzi w tej książce. Czytając ją, nie zwracałam na to uwagi, nie przeszkadzało mi to. Dodatkowo nie jest to romans jak ktoś może pomyśleć. Jest wątek miłosny ale raczej poboczny pomimo tego, że główni bohaterowie się w sobie zakochują.
Książka pokazuje ile znaczy szczera rozmowa i wsparcie. Zdecydowanie warto ją przeczytać. Daje dużo do myślenia
Fabuła jest taka sobie ale kompletnie nie o to chodzi w tej książce. Czytając ją, nie zwracałam na to uwagi, nie przeszkadzało mi to. Dodatkowo nie jest to romans jak ktoś może pomyśleć. Jest wątek miłosny ale raczej poboczny pomimo tego, że główni bohaterowie się w sobie zakochują.
Książka pokazuje ile znaczy szczera rozmowa i wsparcie. Zdecydowanie warto ją przeczytać. Daje dużo do myślenia
August 10, 2019
Przyznaję się od razu, że sięgnęłam po Mów do mnie ze względu na jej przecudną okładkę i w momencie gdy ją otworzyłam wiedziałam tylko, że jest to młodzieżówka, w której dwójka głównych bohaterów jest po przejściach.
Jestem zaskoczona tym, jak smutna jest ta książka i nie mam tu na myśli wydarzeń, które rozgrywają się w trakcie trwania fabuły, tylko sam wydźwięk przedstawionej historii. Czułam jak w trakcie czytania wisiała nade mną wielka czarna chmura.
Poza tym, była to całkiem niezła młodzieżówka. Bardzo podobał mi się wątek wystawianej sztuki oraz styl autorki, który sprawiał, że przez książkę się płynęło. No i oczywiście bardzo doceniam sam zamysł tej powieści.
3(,5?)/5 ⭐
Jestem zaskoczona tym, jak smutna jest ta książka i nie mam tu na myśli wydarzeń, które rozgrywają się w trakcie trwania fabuły, tylko sam wydźwięk przedstawionej historii. Czułam jak w trakcie czytania wisiała nade mną wielka czarna chmura.
Poza tym, była to całkiem niezła młodzieżówka. Bardzo podobał mi się wątek wystawianej sztuki oraz styl autorki, który sprawiał, że przez książkę się płynęło. No i oczywiście bardzo doceniam sam zamysł tej powieści.
3(,5?)/5 ⭐
April 19, 2021
i don't think i would've enjoyed this book as much as i did if i had read it in any other moment of my life. it's beautifully written and sensible, i can't deny it, but there were a lot of things that made me really uncomfortable throughout the story. it's a confliting feeling, to put it mildly. still, the message of this book was something that i needed to hear, something that made me understand more about how i feel at this moment of my life. and also carlos!! i love you dearly
January 29, 2019
I hover between a 3.5 and 4 rating. This book deals with the tough issues of grief and loss in two separate families with teens as the main characters. It peels back the layers of emotions and you feel “with” the protagonists . There is A LOT of profanity so I would definitely gear this to High School. A solid book with a good message.
October 15, 2017
“Speak of me as I am” is a very moving book. It doesn’t hold back on the emotions and grieving process of losing a loved one. It was a pretty quick read in my opinion since it’s not very long however, sometimes you just have to put it down because the sentence structure and emotions that the characters show can be hard to understand. I gave the book a three not because I didn’t like it but because since it is such an emotional book it can be hard on others.
February 8, 2018
That was moving and beautiful.
March 29, 2020
A heartache.
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