Dying Well: Our Journey of Love and Loss

by Susan D Hoben

If you found out today that you had run out of options to treat a terminal illness and that you would, in fact, have a very short time left in this life, how you would respond?

In 'Dying Well: Our Journey of Love and Loss' we learn how Susan Ducharme Hoben and her husband, Bruce, confronted this exact situation by taking control and dictating the terms of how that process would unfold, choosing the path to a peaceful end of life.

Part love story, part “how to”, part inspirational retelling of their nine-month journey, this award-winning book takes readers through celebrations, sadness and, ultimately, a peaceful death free of fear and regret.

Sharing practical and necessary end-of-life information in a non-threatening way, Hoben’s story is happy and sad, reflective and emotional, and at the same time it is a useful primer for a different way to face death. This book is an excellent resource for families who are facing end-of-life decisions. It will leave you with a better understanding of end-of-life and provide thoughts on how you may want to navigate your own inevitable journey home.

Read Dying Well and pass it on to someone you love. Buy it for a friend or relative. Read it with your book club. Talk about what it means to die well and how best to achieve a peaceful end-of-life. You will find a sense of peace and connection and discover a path to navigating the most difficult moments of terminal illness.

2018 INDIES Book of the Year Award Winner
2018 National Indie Excellence Awards Winner
2018 American Book Fest Best Book Awards Finalist

Genres: Nonfiction

296 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 19, 2018

About the author

Susan Ducharme Hoben is an author and an advocate for making positive end-of-life decisions. She has appeared on top media outlets speaking about how we can all choose to "die well," including NBC and ABC, public radio affiliates and has been published in newspapers across the country. 

Susan didn't set out to be a writer but when her husband's terminal illness and subsequent death presented her with a compelling story that needed to be told, she rose to the challenge, beginning a new phase of her life. She hopes that what she learned can help readers, or someone they love, achieve what's most important to them at the end of their lives.

Susan Ducharme Hoben is a former executive consultant with IBM's Strategy and Change Consulting practice. She put her mathematics degree from Cornell University and graduate studies in Computer and Information Sciences at Georgia Institute of Technology to good use in a thirty-five-year career in information technology that began with systems engineering with IBM and ended with consulting. Upon retirement, she founded a travel journal about luxury barging in Europe.

Susan lives in Connecticut on ancestral land, and frequently visits her six granddaughters (and their parents) in Silver Spring, Maryland, and Nashville, Tennessee. She celebrates life every day, never turning down an invitation, especially if it involves travel or dancing. Since retirement, in addition to regular sailing trips in the British Virgin Islands and barging trips in France, she seeks to expand her horizons by exploring a new destination each year, whether on safari in Africa, trekking the High Atlas Mountains of Morocco, sailing the Gulf of Thailand, or striking a yoga pose on the mountain peak that rises 850 feet above Machu Picchu.

Reviews

[Dimitris Passas (TapTheLine) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Plato, the ancient Greek sage, said that life is nothing more than a study on the phenomenon of death. Taking this into consideration, this wonderful and moving book by Susan Ducharme Hoben tries a philosophical approach to death as it describes the actions of a man who is diagnosed with cancer and finds himself confronted with the certitude of a prompt demise. The writer's narration and descriptions are real as she was the spouse of the deceased and this fact engages further the reader in terms of emotion and completes a truly fascinating reading experience. This is a book that should be read by all as it concerns each and every one of us.

[Ann T · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank You Canton Press and Netgalley for an ARC of this book in return for my honest review.

This is a beautiful book written by a wife whose husband has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and the journey that they are led on. It is heartbreaking but also uplifting and honest. A wonderful testament to making the most of an unchangeable situation and embracing everything you can.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful memoir and your strength within.

[Pragya · Rating 4 out of 5]

I haven’t been taking on review requests, for the most part, considering my reading is moody and I pick up books from the library and then I buy some to participate in buddy reads. However, when the request for review for this one came in, I immediately said yes. One reason being I am focusing a whole lot on non-fiction this year. And secondly, the book’s synopsis spoke to me both psychologically and as a person. So here I am.

It’s easy to get tangled in Susan’s life without realizing it. She weaves her life into a story, introduces the characters, makes us get a feel for them before venturing on to what happens to these characters. And this is precisely what happened. Reading ‘Dying Well’ is not just about life and death but so much more. About family and relationships and savoring the joyous moments of life.

Susan comes across as courageous, practical, well organized and someone who has her head firmly planted on her shoulders. And through her words, we get to know Bruce, her husband who knew what he wanted and how he wanted it in the face of death when most people would crumble and hang onto every thread of life left.

Reading this book is taking a journey with Susan, a difficult one but it has its moments of celebrations and joys that make us feel proud of their entire family and experience a sense of contentment about how Bruce lived the last few months of his life.

This book is about embarking on a journey with bravery and courage. It’s a lesson in dying and how to do it well; how to really live until the last moment of one’s life when death is staring you in the eyes. This ensures there are no regrets and you have lived your life well.

It’s a must-read for anyone and everyone who has a family member with a terminal illness or is undergoing one, themselves. It gives you a perspective of how until death arrives, every moment of life is to be celebrated and made use of, with friendships fostered and relationships made even richer.

[Krystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dying Well: Our Journey of Love and Loss, tells the very true and emotional but victorious story of overcoming chronic illness. From the beginning to the end, this book is filled with positivity, passion and hope as we get an indebt insight on the lives of Susan and her husband Bruce, who both took turns at sharing one similar disease; Cancer.

Susan Ducharme Hoben carefully retells the most valuable moments of her life in this short book. As I read this memoir, I sometimes felt like I was reading a novel, but I was never allowed to forget that all the incidents were part of a very true and wonderful story. Memories were seamlessly intertwined between current situations, making this an easy read. In times of distress and extreme circumstances, the author always showed us that there would be a ray of hope. Though the story is not fictional and all characters were very real people, there were times where the imperfections of human nature were portrayed and family misunderstandings were not excluded.

Many times I was brought to tears and I was equally able to smile and feel joy as the fluctuations of emotions within the pages were very real. I was introduced to a new perspective of the chronic illness, which is cancer. A disease which so many people suffer and nobody ever seems to open up an educate us about. This was something that I was brought into a deeper understanding of as Susan allowed me to stand in the corner of the room of every doctor visit and observe every prognosis, every sign, every symptom and every medical procedure that was being done, or had been done at that time in history.

The flawless editing and formatting of this memoir, and the vivid memories taped tightly together, has enabled me without a doubt, to rate this book 5 out of 5 stars. I was able to empathize on numerous levels with Susan as I peeled through the pages and this is what I like the most about this book. What is there not to love about this passionate memoir of love, the challenges of accepting death, and coming to terms with loss.

If there is anyone out there who would like to know about the reality of facing sickness, whether it be a loved one, or themselves, I would recommend this book. I would also recommend this to individuals who are in grief or trying to cope with a dying relative. Otherwise, if there's someone who would like to explore a new reading genre, specifically memoirs, this is a great start.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review.

If you found out today that you had run out of options to treat your highly aggressive cancer and you would, in fact, have a very short time left in this life, how would you respond? I’m not sure many of us could answer that and actually give a valid answer. Knowing how hard it was for her and her husband to go through this exact situation, Hoban wrote about her husband’s experience and choice on how they faced his oncoming death to possibly help others in the same situation.

I know the message in this book is supposed to be about love and how Bruce was strong all the way to the point that he chose to stop treatments and live life fully until he died but I’m simply stuck on how tragic this story is. The book starts with Sue having beaten her cancer and then surviving emergency heart surgery and twists into the love of her life having a stage IV aggressive cancer that by some miracle goes into remission against all odds and then ends with him dying because the remission didn’t last. And similar stories happen all the time but we just don’t read about it. And to put it plainly, it sucks.

I applaud her strength in sharing her and Bruce’s story so that maybe someone else can gain strength in the darkness. I’d like to think I’d be brave like Bruce and know when it was time to stop the fight and just enjoy what time I had left.

All I know is with the last few chapters my heart has been ripped from my chest because Hoben shared her feelings very well. I feel like I’ve gotten to know the entire family and I feel like I was there for every Celebration of Life. I believe that this book could be beneficial for families in similar medical situations who are seeking a supportive voice.

5 stars.

[Janette Fuller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Susan Hoben was a breast cancer survivor.

In 2008. Bruce Hoben was diagnosed with a tumor where the esophagus joins the stomach. Bruce was 67-years-old and appeared to be in excellent physical condition.

Bruce was diagnosed with a neuroendocrine tumor. There was also significant disease in the lymph nodes and four nodules on the liver. Bruce had stage 4 cancer and the prognosis was not good.

Bruce received chemotherapy treatments and experienced a brief remission. When the cancer came back, the Hobens decided to refuse any further treatments and let the disease run it's course. This is their story.
This book was written in the form of a personal diary or journal.

Mrs. Hoben wrote about her husband's final months with love, compassion and empathy. This book is truly a celebration of life.

Bruce Hoben spent his final weeks saying goodbye to former coworkers, neighbors, friends and family members. The family events and interactions were especially heart-warming and poignant.

Mr. Hoben did not spend his final days in a hospital undergoing extreme measures that would put his quality of life in jeopardy. He was under the care of his physician and a hospice service, but he stayed at home with his loved ones.

Bruce Hoben passed away peacefully and surrounded by family on June 15, 2009.

This book is an excellent resource for families who are facing end-of-life decisions. We will all have to face our own deaths and the deaths of loved ones. This book provides many important subjects to think about. Highly recommended!

FYI ~ I received a free digital copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for a fair review.

[Keeley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this one for review from NetGalley.


Dying Well is a beautiful and tragic story of love and loss (like the title says). Susan and Bruce had a long happy life together until Bruce died from esophageal cancer. In Dying Well, Susan documents their time together and provides some of the best dialogue that I've read so far on this topic regarding end of life planning and family dynamics. While I recognize that this is another story about end of life planning written from someone that has access to great healthcare and the money to be with family that many families do not have, I think this was a great addition to the growing pile of books on this topic.

I really enjoyed reading about Bruce and hearing from Susan what it was like not only going through her own medical struggles but also then taking on the role of caregiver for her husband. Navigating hospitals, doctors appointments, hospice, grown children, and grandchildren while also trying to have a social life was pretty stressful to read about and I really appreciate her honesty throughout the book.

I would definitely recommend this one for anyone looking to learn more about what end of life care can and should look like. It really highlights the importance of having these difficult conversations as early as possible.

[Irene]

Three and a half star rating.
Susan and Bruce, a wonderful couple with a fantastic family and then suddenly Bruce is diagnosed with a particularly nasty terminal illness. This is their story of how they faced and dealt with all that life threw at them. Knowing when it’s time to stop pumping your body full of powerful chemicals and prepare for the inevitable. A very sad story but also uplifting too. Susan has a way with words and the reader feels they have got to know her through this account of love and loss. I was given this ARC by the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Ellie Gibeau · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've known Sue since grade school, so this story was especially meaningful to me. Her story is both happy and sad, reflective and emotional and at the same time it is a useful primer for a different way to face death. I loved this book and I am so grateful to Sue for sharing this beautiful and personal story of love, life and ultimately loss.

[Tom Haynes · Rating 5 out of 5]

An uplifting story of one of the hard segments of life. Actually, the hardest. The family, life, children, love, and all that comes before you learn of precious days left. Sue & Bruce face an inevitability, and they make a choice to do it as well as possible.

[Myshelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

An unrealistic way of "celebrating life" unless patient is rich.

[Pauline]

Check out my review at: https://forums.onlinebookclub.org/vie...

[Audiobook Accomplice (Gillian) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Come to this—No judgment and with an open mind and heart
My Full Review →

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars, rounded up to 3
Dying Well is a personal story of foregoing further harsh treatments with a stage 4 (terminal) cancer diagnosis – with a supportive family, loving friends and colleagues, a custom pool, a large catamaran, an Alfa Romero and a life of privilege, great doctors and hospice care. Kind of makes it sound like a fairy tale for people not in that situation.

I’ve read quite a few ‘I Had Cancer books’ over the years, because I had it too. Dying Well does not stand out among them. Clear, straightforward writing, but nothing elegant or emotional. I wish I had heard Bruce’s voice and not just Susan telling about her husband’s ‘last journey.’

The author flaunted too much ego for my personal taste. Ducharme Hoben (high school valedictorian, Cornell University scholarship recipient and in her words, “pretty enough to be the runner up in the Connecticut Miss Jantzen competition”) writes, “My years as a manager, and later as an executive consultant had taught me much; my project management skills would be heavily utilized over the next months. Once again, I was struck by how difficult it would be for someone without my skills and experience to navigate the health care system.” “We still had age, health and an indomitable spirit on our side. We had already learned the value of celebrating life every day and were accomplished practitioners.”

The well-to-do family enjoys special times in New York, visits Bruce’s hometown and flies their children and families to a luxurious beachside house for a week. “One beach house: $3790.63; Ten flights: $3754.52; Two cars: $751.39; Time together; priceless.” Occasionally Susan gave too many details. I did not really care which 7 magazines Bruce ‘religiously’ read. I did not need an itemized list of the 60 photos in his tribute video.

Bruce’s thoughts about his afterlife were “Just like the conservation of mass (Einstein), there must be conservation of energy. Therefore his soul, his energy, would continue to exist somewhere, somehow, although he didn’t know the form.” Susan wondered about heaven’s logistics. “How would everybody fit?” I’m personally looking forward to SO much more than that, based on my faith and God’s word.

The grieving widow “wore a long, black, clingy dress” … with dangly earrings that reached to her shoulder to celebrate a life well lived. (Yes, I am sounding petty.) “The ritual of this celebration, of the shared tears, made me feel that I was part of a team that had lovingly brought Bruce to his final destination. I could not have been prouder of this labor of love.” (Again, her ego comes to the forefront.) It is hard work to give this gift to someone precious to you. As she closes, I agree whole-heartedly. “Endings matter.” (Thus endeth this review.)

Thank you to NetGalley, the author and publisher for granting access to an arc of this book for an honest review.

[Janice · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly excellent read, this book is well-written and very moving. It is as much a love story for life as it is a testament to a good death. When the author's husband receives his terminal cancer diagnosis, they along with extended family and friends truly make his "end days" (months) a positive experience. I enjoyed this book very much.
My thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for my honest review.