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306 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 27, 2018
If no one has taught you about love, perhaps it’s time you were forced to learn, Fairy Clematis. The light you want will never find you if you stay in the dark.
Flor growled something under his breath and scrubbed his cheek with a fist before giving Clematis a long, searching look. "It hasn't even registered. You're looking at me. You’re listening. I can see you breathing. But it’s like you aren’t even in the room.”
“I’m here,” Clematis insisted, the sound echoing through his head.
“Are you?” Flor took a step closer. “You seem distant, almost like when you’re becoming that other you, except right now it’s not aimed at anything. Clematis?” He took another step, peering into his face. “Are you okay? [...] Do you do this a lot? Sort of… zone out like this? Or hide yourself?”
“I don’t know.” Clematis imagined everything around him was air and the only real, tangible thing he could feel was Flor’s fingers, firm at his wrist. “I don’t always notice. Sometimes I get lost in my thoughts, you know, like daydreaming. My thoughts go on a lot, but, you know how fairies are, hyper, always talking, so I try not to bother people.”
“The word used in my psych class was dissociation,” Clematis offered.
"Can I take your hand?" Flor asked slowly, a strange and timid question. [...] Floor took a breath. "Okay," he said carefully. "I'm worrying again, but I'm not mad. Okay? [...] So you just... agree with whatever people are saying, but absent yourself from the discussion? [...] I don't care how you act except for this. This bothers me, because you shouldn't have to do this."
“Sometimes I don’t do it,” Clematis explained to make it better. “I just—fold things up and put them away.”
"Do you want to talk about it? The things you... fold up and put away?"
"I don't think so. Maybe. Not now, I think. I don't want you to leave."
Flor began to type on his phone with his free hand and left the other between them. After a while, he started to read aloud, pausing every so often until Clematis said yes or no or I don't know. And each time, he would nod or smile and then continue reading.
[...]He did ask if Clematis would mind if he asked the others if they knew anything practical about the subject. Clematis allowed him to go ahead [...] Clematis couldn't afford therapy [and didn't trust the system] But Flor had listened attentively and glanced at him and seemed to read from his expression how comfortable he was with what was going on.