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390 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2011
And the two went' off into severe discussions and comparisons. But Percy's heart grew warm again within him at the thought that she lived now, at any rate, on the same railway line as himself, and that he might, if he were fortunate, travel up with her quite often. He wondered whether it were possible that she could really be in business. . . . Certainly she did not look like it. Once he thought of the Yarmouth girl, and bitter laughter rose in him. He was as one who has climbed a snow-peak, and looks back in disdain at the steaming valleys from which he has come. The Yarmouth girl indeed! Maud was her name! . . . Maud! . . .
They had discussed religion, of course, as solemnly and judicially as every other subject in heaven and earth. Percy had stood up for the Church of England; he had said that he didn't like candles and incense and fuss: he liked a plain sung service (and might have added, with attractive tenor parts in it) ; and Reggie, on his side, had become incoherent altogether on that mysterious scheme of faith and art and life that the world calls Roman Catholicism. [...]
Neither, of course, had known anything whatever about the subject that they discussed; the only difference between them was that Reggie used more or less first-hand observations of his own, and Percy second-hand arguments of other people.
It was a typical evening. None of them, except perhaps Helen, were really interested at all in their occupations. Yet upon them all had descended a Scheme of Life that gave them no choice except to submit — a scheme which tightened its grip on them every month that went by, and was gradually crushing out every elastic instinct that they possessed. The doctor doctored because it was his profession; his wife managed her household because it was her household; Percy went up to the City and did accounts, because there was nothing else for him to do; and even Helen, though just now she did rather enjoy what she believed to be an artistic life, would presently find that even that was no more than a convention; her Greek costumes would cease to seem odd or bold; her ideas of art would become formulae which, having learned rigorously, she would teach to others with equal rigour. There was no spice in life anywhere, no sting of conviction, no ardour of enterprise. The one soul among them who had real competence in her work was the mother, and she had no scope. There was everything necessary to Life, except Life itself.
He had reduced his raging turmoil of happy bewilderment to some kind of coherence by the time that he got into the slow Sunday train for Hanstead, and he looked upon his fellow-creatures now with a completely unconscious contempt.
These people — this group of loud-voiced young men in black coats with buttonholes; that dismal family party of father and mother and three children — all this strange jetsam that the Sunday tide throws up in the terminal stations; the bleak-looking woman selling Lloyd's News behind a counter — these people did not understand at all. He felt like a dragon-fly looking down on grubs that had once been his fellows. . . .
He had arrived at some sort of coherence. First, he must be entirely different at home. Now that the " Love of God which is in Christ Jesus " had displayed itself, he must give up once for all that tiresome, critical, prickly attitude that had grown on him of late. But, of course, he would give it up: it was gone already. It was unthinkable.
Next, he must be exceedingly conscientious about his work ... he must not draw pictures on the blotting-paper any more. . . .
Next, a certain entire plane of imagination must cease. It had ceased. It was unthinkable. Fourthly, he must say his prayers always . . . not less than a quarter of an hour every morning and evening. Fifthly, he must go to Evening Prayer after tea — (that reminded him; he hadn't had any lunch: he had walked all the way to Liverpool Street instead) — and sing in " Gadsby in C."
Sixthly, he must convey to his family — one by one if possible — where he had been and . . . and what had happened to him.
These things, then, he pondered, looking dreamily out at the stations where the train stopped, sitting all alone in a third-class carriage, with his hands pressed between his knees. He thought once or twice of the girl over whose bag he had tripped last Thursday, though from an infinitely remote distance of emotion; and wondered whether she knew all about those things too. . . . He supposed not. . . . He pictured himself telling her. . . . He wondered whether he could make her understand. . . . He supposed not.
Anyhow, it did not matter. He understood, at least.
Then Helen launched out into her gospel. It was the convention of unconventionality ; and there is nothing more conventional. The ideal life appeared to her to consist in living in a particular sort of house, almost precisely the opposite of the house in which she happened to live: there must be a great deal of whitewash in it, and red tiles, and rough-cast, and copper fireplaces. There must be large bare rooms, with floors stained with permanganate of potash, and rugs on the top of it. It must have divans; there must be leaded lights in the windows, and doors of stained deal ; there must be a large "studio'' with plaster casts on a shelf all round it. There must be little oak beds in the bedrooms and a green-tiled bath-room. There must be an orchard all round it, with anemones in the grass in spring-time, and a stream running through it, and a perpetual liquid sunshine.
There are few differences in this drab-coloured world so startling as those between various kinds of minds. One man, after a glance at a fragment of bone, will reconstruct Hercules; another, after the entire skeleton stands before him, will even then question whether it is Hercules at all. One man will by intuition discover, or believe himself to have discovered, an entirely new philosophy; another will spend laborious days in working out a sum, with the help of the most prosaic of all faculties, and, even then sometimes will get it wrong, or, what is worse, doubt his own accuracy.
" I understand perfectly," said the friar as unemotionally as the other, striving to say the plain thing as he knew the other would wish. " I see that it must be very painful and difficult for you to be supported by your wife. . . . You say that she has no sympathy at all with Catholicism?"
" No, father. I tried to explain to her once or twice, but she would not hear me. So I followed your advice and said no more. I left one or two books about too; but she put them away at once."
"How have your old friends treated you?"
The bleak eyes blinked once or twice.
" They have not been very kind, father. It ... it was said that I had taken to drink."
The friar smiled.
" They haven't said you have had a fall off a bicycle, then ? "
"Why, no; father. I don't ride a bicycle."
" That's all right then. The last clergyman convert I had was supposed to have injured his brain by a fall. Unfortunately, it was quite true that he had had one. You see, they must say something, mustn't they ?”
A glimmer of a pained smile went over Mr. Main's face and passed again.
Conversation, in the intervals of shooting, is capable of becoming strangely intimate. There is no time for frills and periphrases. Things must be said quickly, or not at all. Further, there is a kind of primitiveness, a sense of companionship in the wild that favours intimacy. And, lastly, the sexes are in their original relations to one another; the man is performing, and the woman is admiring: the brave is hunting, and the squaw, so to speak, waiting as if to cook.
However dramatic may be a woman's temperament, until the age of thirty at any rate, there is always a place of complete reality somewhere underneath. Until after that age, there simply has not been time to dramatize the whole, or to get rid of the underlying character.
Miss Gladys Farham's character had been reached at last; at any rate she thought so, and that comes to the same thing. And it appeared to her now as if she had arrived at a reality which she had only guessed at before. Her first marriage seemed to her a dream: she had been an ignorant girl whose ignorance had been rapidly disillusioned; and she had taken refuge, after her divorce, in a sham kind of cynicism. And this cynicism had showed itself for the fraud that it was; and she had become, a girl again, with a strange kind of motherliness woven into it, as gold into fine silk.
Her conversion was as real as anything of which she was capable. A photograph or two disappeared from her walls; her dress showed modifications which I am not competent to describe; the tones of her voice lost a particular kind of ring that they had, up to now, occasionally manifested.
It may seem remarkable that all this had been effected by Percy; and it would be safer to say that it had been effected by her conception of Percy. She had taken at once to this ardent slim boy who had such an assurance and such an engaging innocence; and she had viewed him, with the aid of her dramatic nature, as a kind of Parsifal who knows nothing, and can therefore accomplish anything. She did not now trouble to inquire how far his sudden access of wealth had illuminated him in her eyes; for even an illumination cannot reveal what is not there to be revealed. But, from the moment in which he had told her of his good fortune, he had taken on a significance that she had scarcely been aware of before; he had become, so to speak, adequate and possible. And when he had, in a sudden fit of manhood, spoken to her as man to woman, she had answered him genuinely and sincerely. Her friends remarked on it.
These things, then, had borne fruit in her. There was no pose whatever in her acts of simplification ; no consciousness at all of effort. She moved more gently; she spoke more quietly; she wrote little notes now and again to her lover, and posted them all together once a week ; she opened his letters, with a distinct shock of pleasure, and kept them carefully, with his photograph, in a locked drawer of her writing-table. Out of the same drawer she had previously taken two photographs of another man, and these she had burned honestly. She was in love with Percy's youth, if not with his soul — with his temporal aspects, if not with his eternal being. She had found, she believed, reality at last.