Kill Your Self: Life After Ego

by Barry Graham, Dogo Barry Graham

"You might as well take your socks off... because they'll be knocked off anyway by the writing of Dogo Barry Graham. Little diamonds of Zen blasted into your mushy brain to pry your eyelids open." — The Buddhist Review

No, this book doesn't advocate suicide—it teaches something that takes a lot more that we are always enlightened, and must take responsibility for realizing our enlightenment. It invites us to meet life on its own terms, wherever we are, whoever we are, right now, killing our false sense of self by seeing through it to our true nature.

This is Zen for real life, in the world of relationships, jobs, dirty dishes, teacups and toilets. Zen master Dogo Barry Graham eschews traditional institutions and dogmas and insists instead that we trust in ourselves. Zen is not a system of belief, or a theory about the meaning of life. It is beyond philosophy, beyond religion. It is more than mindfulness. It is true peace, true happiness, the gateless gate to freedom from suffering. The Buddha's way of wisdom, compassion and enlightenment leads us home to our own heart.

164 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2011

About the author

Barry Graham is what Foucault called an Author Function.

More than a dozen books.

Published in magazines including Harper's, Salon, Narratively, PANK, Northwords Now, Flaunt, Parabola, The Big Click and Nerve.

Reviews

[Mark Robison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Aggressive, in-your-face compassion — that’s what the book is. It’s awesome, too, with short one-page thoughts about different ways our “self” messes us up. What makes the book stand out is that Graham acts like a jerk, pushing your buttons and trying to get you out of your ruts, like when he belittles Jesus’ miracles and says that if everything is inside us, then Hitler is in there, too. Thought-provoking and just plain provoking. Excerpt: “You can’t avoid pain, but you can avoid suffering. Because suffering is not caused by pain. It’s caused by taking it personally. It’s caused by your grandiose little ego’s desire to avoid pain.” And: “If you can’t be happy in hell, you won't be happy in heaven.” And: “Respond to things as they are, rather than as we would prefer them to be, and suffering stops.” And: “Pity … is just contempt with a soft voice.” And finally the whole book summed up: “With no ego attached to outcomes, you can live at the service of all beings — which includes yourself.” Grade: A

[Timothy Monroe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Straight to the point, easy to understand, while giving the reader plenty to think about. This book helped me understand more about Zen, the dangers of the stories we create, and living compassionately.

[Cecilia Gomez · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the first book I read on this subject and it was really compelling! The author introduces a variety of instances centered around the same 5-ish ideas, which made the concepts really clear. Definitely something I will return to :)

[Max Jung]

Lots of small but powerful lessons in here

One to annotate and scribble on

[Michael Bagnall · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book I've read on the subject of Ego and Zen. I'll start by saying I believe that you can learn many things from different people and different practices, and many of the practices discussed in this book are very relatable in a real-world sense to me. While likely not very useful for a Zen scholar, this offers some very interesting and real examples of situations you may find yourself in and things you might think and alternative ways to view them. I would recommend this book for anyone who wishes to explore the topic of Zen meditation, being more mindful, and developing alternative attitudes to what you find in modern day society.

[Ash Robjohns · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy to read and relate collection of real-life events and conversations from a Zen Buddhist. Some wonderful insights and self reflection moments contained within the words in this book. A joy to read.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful combination of bite-sized teachings and longer, expansive sections that explore topics in greater detail. Dogo Barry Graham has a direct and compassionate approach to his teachings. This was one of the most accessible and personally relevant Zen resource I've ever discovered.

[April · Rating 5 out of 5]

Graham does a great job of explaining zen to western readers. I will be re-reading this book multiple times.

[Max Mendoza · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really recommend it.