Home Ice: Reflections of a Reluctant Hockey Mom

by Angie Abdou

The author of the Canada Reads–nominated The Bone Cage tackles the ups and downs of amateur hockey, from a mother’s point of view

Over 570,000 people are registered in Hockey Canada and over 600,000 in Hockey USA. It’s a national obsession. But what does that really mean when your child wants to play on a team? As a former varsity athlete and university instructor teaching sport literature, novelist Angie Abdou is no stranger to sports obsession, but she finds herself conflicted when faced with the reality of the struggles, joys, and strains of having a child in amateur hockey. In Home Ice, Abdou charts a full season of life as an Atom-level hockey mom, from summer hockey camp to end-of-season tournaments. With equal parts humour and anguish, she offers a nuanced portrait of today’s hockey parent. Her revealing stories and careful research of an often troubling sport culture offer a compellingly honest and complex insider’s view of parenting today’s young athlete in a competitive and high-pressure culture.

Genres: Hockey, Canada, Nonfiction, Sports, Memoir

260 pages, Paperback

First published September 4, 2018

About the author

Angie Abdou was born and raised in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. She received an Honours B.A. in English from the University of Regina, an M.A. from the University of Western Ontario, and a Ph.D. from the University of Calgary. She is an Associate Professor of Creative Writing at Athabasca University. She makes her home in the Canadian Rockies along the BC/Alberta border with her two children. She has published eight books: a short story collection, four novels, a collection of essays, and two memoirs. Her first novel, The Bone Cage, was a finalist for Canada Reads 2011. The Canterbury Trail was a finalist for Banff Mountain Book of the Year and won a 2012 IPPY, Gold Medal for Canada West. In Case I Go was a finalist for a Banff Mountain Book Award in the fiction and poetry category and Chatelaine magazine called it one of the most rivetting mysteries of 2017. Her memoir, Home Ice, recieved a starred review in Booklist, which called it "a first-rate memoir and a fine example of narrative nonfiction [and] also a must-read for parents with youngsters who play organized sports."

Reviews

[Angie Abdou · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is my favourite of my own books in the sense that I wrote it for myself. I wrote the book I wanted to read. I wrote the book I needed to write in order to solve some issues for myself and my family. I hope that my exploration of contemporary family life will help readers facing similar questions and similar struggles. Thanks for reading.

[Yolanda Ridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a reluctant hockey mom myself, and a fan of Angie Abdou's fictional work, I was keen to read Home Ice. Even then, I did not expect to be hooked by the first paragraph of the first chapter. "Nothing says Canadian summer like shelling out three hundred bucks for hockey camp" is an opening sentence that could've been written by me.

In her memoir, Angie Abdou tackles competition, sports psychology, athleticism, sexism, racism, religion, abuse of power, risk of concussion and general hockey culture through the lens of her sensitive 9 (and then 10)-year-old son's second season of atom in the Fernie house league. She backs up her insights with research and a whole lot of personal introspection. I admire how open she is in Home Ice, not only about her thoughts and feelings on hockey but about being a parent, wife, sister and daughter in general.

Although Canadian, I grew up with only one sister during a time when girls did not play hockey so I was never a rink rat. And my British husband did not grow up with hockey at all. Supporting our son's passion for the sport has been a rocky road. As our country's sacred pastime, I'm not often comfortable discussing my concerns about youth hockey with my fellow hockey parents. Reading Home Ice has made me feel much less lonely in the stands.

[Lauren Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic book - beautifully written and wise. I'm not a mom, and I don't play hockey and I still loved it!

[Steven Buechler · Rating 5 out of 5]

For those of us who just watch sports for leisure and enjoyment, we rarely think about the punishment and abuse that athletes have endure or consider the stress, cost and anxiety that the family members of those athletes face. Abdou documents both these facts in through both in citing professional studies and through personal anecdotes. The result is a book that is both insightful and lyrical.

https://pacifictranquility.wordpress....

[Allison ༻hikes the bookwoods༺ · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I’m feeling guilty because it’s Katie’s birthday. I will miss my daughter’s eighth birthday for a hockey tournament.”

This book is filled with quotable passages about parenting and sport, but this – this small comment – brought me to a standstill. In Home Ice: Reflections of a Reluctant Hockey Mom, Angie Abdou takes us through a year in the life of a hockey mom, and all the ups and downs that go with it. I have a young son who yearns to play hockey and my review of this book may read more like a personal essay as I grapple with Home Ice’s subject matter in a very real way.

The way my husband and I see it, we have many reasons to avoid minor hockey, all of which Abdou discusses in her book, backed up with credible research and genuine emotion. From terrible coaches who think only of winning, and the downright deplorable Graham James, to the clear evidence that our country is no longer dominating world hockey because of the overly competitive way we are organizing minor hockey, this book covers the major issues affecting the sport and its young players today.

To avoid turning their younger daughter into a “rink rat,” Angie Abdou and her husband have taken a divide-and-conquer approach to parenting their two children. She does all the hockey with their son while her husband does all the activities with their daughter. Now, this has been one of our main arguments in avoiding minor hockey in our own family. We are not prepared to have the whole family tied up for the sake of one person’s activities, but we also aren’t prepared to not be together. To tell the truth, for all its downfalls, this is our main beef with minor hockey. Yes, the culture needs to change, big time, but we also don’t have the time for it. We both work outside the home, with an hour-long commute each way. Sometimes we travel for work and the other is left to parent alone for a few days. It’s hard enough to fit in the more reasonable extracurricular activities, let alone hockey with its multiple practices each week and tournaments on weekends.

When our son asks about hockey, I wonder if he will resent our decision to keep him out of it. Each fall we ask ourselves if we can do it, and the answer is always the same. No.

The message in Home Ice isn’t entirely negative. Abdou is a former athlete and she is surrounded in her daily life by an inordinately large number of former Olympians (okay two, but seriously, how many are in your entourage?). She knows the value of hard work and dedication to sport, and vows to let her son play hockey for as long as he loves it. Home Ice is an open, honest account of minor hockey life and I think parents with kids in hockey, or even considering it, should give this book a try. Thanks to NetGalley and ECW Press for the ARC. It was a great read!

https://allisonhikesthebookwoods.tumb...

[Joanna Griffith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like Angie has been sitting beside me in the stands for years! All hockey parents, coaches, managers etc need to read this book. So insightful, smart, relevant, and right on point.

[Prada1971 · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a hockey parent, small community member, and educator I am stunned that this book was published. It is full of contradictions and untruths and definitely written through rose-colored glasses. What I found most disgusting is that the author found the need to mention sexual abuse cases in the world of hockey. We all know that sexual abuse occurs in all walks of life. The author, in a radio interview, refers to her brother as being smart for not playing for Graham James. Does the author mean that the victims are dumb? It is hard to decipher the author's purpose of this book but one can assume it is her own therapy for many personal shortcomings in her family, marriage, and parenting.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Angie's latest is a non-fiction book that would be of interest to parents of kids in any structured, expensive, time- and distance-consuming activity (I am thinking music, figure skating, or dance, for example), not just hockey or other sports. In detailing the toll young hockey takes on kids, families, marriages and local relationships, she holds nothing back on the strains it placed on her own experiences in these realms during the year she documents. The family and marriage parts can be searingly honest, and Marty and the others are brave to accede to this public scrutiny. I'm sure that some other locals in the book are not so happy about it. She intersperses Canadian and international sports studies for kids with the actual events in her life, most supporting slowing down the heavy competitive aspect until the kids are in their teens. Some reviews in Goodreads have pasted her for mentioning Graham James, the notorious Moose Jaw sex abuser coach, but her brother had a personal incident, and he does not dominate the book and the mentions are relevant. Throughout, Angie questions her son, Ollie's, desire to continue with hockey. In the end, it is Ollie's love of playing hockey, albeit at the "B" team level, that wins out.
I wasn't sure when approaching this book that I would find it personally relevant. I don't have kids. My only experience with sports (aside from mandatory school PT classes) has been a couple of years of fairly unstructured "fun" hockey (it was 1961 - and no protective gear! I lost a thumbnail playing goalie with no gloves), from 8-10 years old. Reading it, though, reminded me that I lack the competitive gene, and am not athletically gifted, and that my parents thankfully recognized it and didn't try to force me into organized sports.

[Janet Hutchinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoy books that mix anecdote with research and get a message across about, in this case, obsession with sport for young kids. We were able to stay out of the competitive hockey world, mostly because our schedules as two working parents, did not fit that world. We lost friends whose children were deep in that world. This book nails so much when it comes to what sport should be, vs. what it currently is.

[Melanie McFarlane · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read for any of us not a part of hockey culture, and as parents later in life wondering if our own pursuits of "self" in our twenties affect how we raise our children as we near mid-life.

[Lyndsay Abdou · Rating 5 out of 5]

So true So real! Loved it.

[Sally · Rating 1 out of 5]

I absolutely agree with Prada 1971 that this book is the author's therapy for her own personal shortcomings.

[Geoffrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had pretty low expectations for this as it was recommended on my phone reading app (Hoopla). It turns out that Angie and I are going through a pretty similar time in our lives, both had competitive athletic backgrounds, some issues with how our parents approached our athletic careers, both have a 9/10 year old playing youth hockey, both spend a ton of time on our kids, and both struggle with balancing our time with our spouse given the kids schedule. The difference in my household is that my wife is more supportive in sharing the workload than her husband seems to be - he prefers to ski all weekend (my daughter is in competitive gymnastics as well - so as we say, we divide and get conquered). I appreciate the extensive research that she did and it helped to reinforce how I approach my kids sports. I am giving them every chance to succeed, but what parents tend to not understand is that if your kid doesn't their own personal decision to make their sport a priority in their teen years (post pubescent), it really doesn't matter what you do now or then besides getting them to the rink/field/gym. In short, just relax and enjoy watching your kids because it will be gone before you know it. I played hockey in college and professionally because I made a choice to outwork others and had some talent - as did everyone else that I played with.

[Amie's Book Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

I completely loved this memoir. My boys are in their twenties now, but I was very much a "Hockey Mom" for many years.

Angie Abdou has written a memoir that we can all relate to in various ways.

The author, Angie Abdou, is a fellow Canadian. If you live in Canada and have kids, I can guarantee that hockey in one form or another is, or will be, a part of your life.

Baseball and Football are considered 'American Sports' while hockey is 100% a Canadian sport and pastime.

Whether or not you are a hockey Mom or a hockey fan, or even if you know absolutely nothing about it, this book will still be an enjoyable read.

I rate this book as 5 OUT OF 5 HOCKEY STICKS 🏒🏒🏒🏒🏒 and another 5 OUT OF 5 HOCKEY NETS 🥅🥅🥅🥅🥅

To read more of my reviews go to my blog at
http://Amiesbookreviews.wordpress.com

[Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am a hockey mom. My family spends countless hours volunteering for the best experience for all children. I couldn't get even halfway through this book without wanting to throw it across the room. This book is completely a homage to her short comings as a parent. Sitting there, on the sidelines instead of stand behinding our children. We cheer for them on an "A" or "B" team. Nothing in life has perfection. And minor hockey is run by committed volunteers not by paid committees. Something I am very sure this author has no clue about. And then to attack an unsuspecting author who I imagine has nothing to do with the sport. Comes across as only one thing. She may be dressed for "Oprah" but your jealously of them is quite blatant in your review. Maybe placing your head in the punch bowl would have saved me from what I read.
One thing from your book that led me to giggle slightly was your description of what a coach should be....
A volunteer. In charge of 15-20 kids.
They shouldn't raise their voice? Do you love your children? Because I do. Whole heartedly. And a VOLUNTEER coach doesn't. They can't love all those kids. BUT do you raise your voice?

[Chris Davidge · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really related to this. Although we are a soccer family, most of the situations and feelings about raising our kids in competitive sport were mirrored here. After the first few chapters, I felt like I might have written a book without knowing it. Great insight into raising kids in sport and what we as parents expect from this investment and all the associated cost; financial, emotional, developmental or marital. 5stars

[Becky Livingston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible book. Abdou writes with such honesty: about herself, her relationship with her husband Marty, and her constant questioning about how we raise our children to be the best they can be without sacrificing their (and our) need to feel worthy and alive. I only hope that my new grandson will opt for the slopes with his dad.

[Shannon Jewers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly feel like this book was written for me. As a reluctant hockey mom myself this book solidified a few of the feelings that I have had for the last couple of years that I have been in this hockey world. My son is moving into Atom next year, wish me luck :-)

[Olga · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love it! Recommend to everyone and especially to the hockey moms.

[Bonnie Zink · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent read!

[Ann Frost · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It is not what I thought it would be at all. I thought "light, maybe funny, kind of a Tim Horton's commercial in paperback form". Nope. Instead, it is thoughtful, reflective, and insightful about a broad range of questions having to do with kids' sports, parents' roles and responsibilities, what sport commitment does to families, and how we maintain interest in and nurture "the spark" with our partners. As many of you know, I really don't like Canadian literature, but this is a notable exception. Maybe it helps that the author was a swimmer, went to Western, and now lives in BC. Not only did I like her book, I liked her too. This memoir deserves reading - even if you don't have a hockey connection (I don't - I was a synchro mom instead).

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not only am I not a hockey mom, I'm actually not a mom, but Angie Abdou has written so beautifully and honestly about the trials and tribulations of being human that I related to this book on many levels. That the stories are framed in a book about sports made it even more interesting, as Abdou raises some very interesting issues around athletics for kids, especially regarding physical sports like hockey, and her research into this area makes her a credible voice on the topic. I enjoyed Home Ice so thoroughly--including the many laugh-out-loud moments--that I'm so glad I discovered it and am looking forward to reading more of Abdou's work in the future.

[Rebecca Stonehouse Lupuliak · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a seasoned hockey mom I loved this book from the first page all through to the end! I appreciated all the background statistics .. being from a small Canadian town all the politics ring too true!! I recommend this book to all hockey moms!

[Carole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Angie Abdou covers a lot of interesting topics in this memoir: being a hockey mom, discussions about the positive and negative aspects of children playing hockey, references to Graham James’ abusive relationships with hockey players in his charge, how having a kid playing hockey can affect the relationship between parents, and she even throws some true confessions in to spice it up a bit. It is all very interesting and highly readable.

[Jana · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book. I tried to like this book. I enjoyed Abdou's writing style. But I thought the book itself was a bunch of self-absorbed tripe. I think that calling it "reflections of a reluctant hockey mom" is misleading, as this book really isn't about a hockey mom. It's about a woman whose kid plays hockey, a woman who obviously spends much time trying to figure out how her child's activity is contributing to the mid-life crisis she finds herself sinking into. I wish the book were more about the hockey culture in communities across Canada (which is, in my experience, so much MORE than this book portrays--so supportive, enthusiastic, demanding, heartbreaking, empowering, caring, good, bad, ugly--MORE!), and that this book's title was something more fitting like, "Angie tries to figure out life" . . .

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I expected too much from this book I guess. I was expecting an insightful look at what makes the strange and entrenched world of hockey culture tick, but it's more of a personal memoir of her marriage and family life and unique son's experience in an unusual place (rural place but yuppie parents at the same time). Frankly I lost sympathy in some parts I found whiny (why didn't she just skip the Labour Day tournament and go camping?). I had certain expectations of it from the hype. Lots of info included about current research into safety etc. and a useful reading list at the end.

[Teebz Hbic · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review of Home Ice can be found on Hockey Blog in Canada.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our kids never played hockey, although I played house league back in the Dark Ages (the early '70s). Practice followed by a game, every Saturday afternoon at the same time. Home for dinner and Peter Puck. Loved it, except when I had to play goalie, because I was left-handed and the equipment was not.

As for the book, I found it a bit slow at the outset but as the author "reflected" more (as the title intimates) on life, I found it an engaging read. Yes, there is lots of hockey, but it serves as a backdrop for life in a busy, two-kid family where both parents are juggling career and parenting responsibilities. For the most part, contrary to all the protests from the one-star "hockey mom" reviews, I suspect this is a sanitized version of hockey life in a small Canadian town. When Ms. Abdou does dish, she's often hardest on herself. When she's casting her gaze outward, punches are clearly pulled.

At 260 pages, this is an easy, breezy read that can be enjoyed over a weekend. If you are looking for nothing but a loving ode to hockey, hockey, hockey, Home Ice may not be for you. But if you enjoy quality, memoir-style non-fiction that gets you thinking about life, by all means, take it for a spin.

[Twila Martin · Rating 2 out of 5]

So disappointed in this book. The author likes to spew out facts and figures about what’s wrong with hockey but doesn’t bother dive into the fact that so much of her issues with hockey are other sports as well. The contradictions are laughable. One minute she’s complaining about the exclusivity of hockey and that it’s only for wealthy families, the next chapter she’s complaining that the First Shifts players are bringing the team down. I could go on and on about that. It’s also laughable that she claims her husband is a hockey fanatic but, in reality he’s to self absorbed to even attend a game?? I was hoping this book would delve into the greatness of Canada’s favourite game; the fun times, the lifelong bonds, the commitment etc etc.but all it seemed to be was a 225 page tirade about how much she hates hockey and why everyone else should keep their children away from it. The only saving Grace at all for this book is that I did gain a better understanding of another book she wrote, which I really liked, The Bone Cage.

[Liane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, I liked this book. Part autobiography, part documentary, I could connect with many of the author's thoughts. My son played house hockey from age 13-17, we came late to a sport that had both its ugly and beautiful moments. I can relate to the struggles that the author felt towards the sport, and towards parenting in general. Am I doing too much, not enough? Where is the perfect balance? I appreciated her realness, even towards the areas that didn't always show herself in the best light. And her research gives one cause for reflection...overall a relevant read!