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Toxic Thoughts #1
Battered: The Monster Among Us
WARNING1: CONTAINS DISTURBING ACCOUNTS OF BRUTAL CHILD ABUSE, HORRIFIC BEATINGS, EMOTIONAL BATTERING, NEGLECT, STARVATION AND CRUELTY.
Warning2: If you want a happy ending, you'll have to read the other sequential memoirs in the Toxic Thoughts series. These are true stories about the adversities that stalked one woman, and the resilience it took to overcome them.
. . . harrowing . . . heartbreaking . . . bittersweet . . . inspiring . . . about one girl's fortitude and perseverance.
—Kirkus Reviews
Battered is a true crime story memoir (not a full biography) about a brave girl, a cowardly father, and an evil stepmother.
After eight years of torture, I survive and escape the monster.
Monsters do not lie under your bed. Monsters do not live in closets. They go to church. They go to school. Some teach in schools. Some are mothers, fathers, sons and daughters. My monster, a married mother who once lived two doors down, catapulted our family from normal, to the most dysfunctional family ever imaginable, in one year flat. The monster showed no mercy
The government claims greed, jealousy and control are three big factors, why women sadistically abuse children. According to recent NCANDS data, the majority of the perpetrators, half a century later, are women.
How could my father, not mutually engaged in the systematic sadistic torture, allow it to happen on a regular basis? That answer is simple. Somewhere back in time, my father lost his spine.
At age thirteen, after a failed escape, I was on lockdown. By the end of the school year, I was sleeping in a graveyard.
My Missing Sibling - Chapter 8 (Partial Excerpt1)
It's a bleak, icy cold day with a furious wind. Nasty flurries swirl in circles and splatter across the five-foot-high snow drifts until they cover half of the upstairs windows. The lower two and three foot drifts are further away from the house, but that's where the sleet hits the hardest. There's nowhere safe to hide.
My feet feel like two dead heavy rocks and I've lost all feeling in them and my hands. Exhausted, I fall face first into the snow waiting to smother to death. My jacket rises up into the air. I'm upright. Adam yells, "Keep moving."
"I can't," I gasp. "I can't move my hands or my toes."
Adam carries me behind a tree, sits down, and settles me onto his lap. He bangs my frozen mitts against each other and says, "You clap and I'll sing."
"I can't feel my hands Adam . . . "
Bald Ugly Me - Chapter12 (Partial Excerpt2)
"STOP—crack—"LYING"—crack—"TO"—crack—"ME!" She slashes me repeatedly. The belt buckle hits my face. The blow to my eye sends sharp excruciating pains lodging deep inside my socket. It feels like shards of glass are embedded in my eyelid. She continues to beat me until I crunch up in a ball—in a bed of warm piss. My brain goes dead. It knows there's no right answer.
Bald Ugly Me - Chapter12 (Partial Excerpt2)
Cold steel vibrates against my left temple. I keep my eyes on the chair leg and grit my teeth. I know better than to move an inch. Clumps of hair fall to the floor. The blades rip across my right temple, twice, before she snarls, "Now try hiding your ugly face behind that hairy mop."
Hair is up my nose, in my eyes and sticking to my tongue, but I don't dare move an inch. She places a bowl on my head and snips high above my right eyebrow.
"Tada! I'm home!"
The bowl clatters to the floor. Irma pushes me . . .
Summary: "When Ned Rose, widowed father of six children, falls in love with the neighbor's wife, she moves into the Rose residence, destroys the family and tortures Ned's youngest daughter for eight years, until Juanita aged fourteen, finds the courage to run away and a court hearing follows, where she is made a ward of the court (crown ward) and her father is stripped of all parental rights." - - Provided by publisher.
Warning2: If you want a happy ending, you'll have to read the other sequential memoirs in the Toxic Thoughts series. These are true stories about the adversities that stalked one woman, and the resilience it took to overcome them.
. . . harrowing . . . heartbreaking . . . bittersweet . . . inspiring . . . about one girl's fortitude and perseverance.
—Kirkus Reviews
Battered is a true crime story memoir (not a full biography) about a brave girl, a cowardly father, and an evil stepmother.
After eight years of torture, I survive and escape the monster.
Monsters do not lie under your bed. Monsters do not live in closets. They go to church. They go to school. Some teach in schools. Some are mothers, fathers, sons and daughters. My monster, a married mother who once lived two doors down, catapulted our family from normal, to the most dysfunctional family ever imaginable, in one year flat. The monster showed no mercy
The government claims greed, jealousy and control are three big factors, why women sadistically abuse children. According to recent NCANDS data, the majority of the perpetrators, half a century later, are women.
How could my father, not mutually engaged in the systematic sadistic torture, allow it to happen on a regular basis? That answer is simple. Somewhere back in time, my father lost his spine.
At age thirteen, after a failed escape, I was on lockdown. By the end of the school year, I was sleeping in a graveyard.
My Missing Sibling - Chapter 8 (Partial Excerpt1)
It's a bleak, icy cold day with a furious wind. Nasty flurries swirl in circles and splatter across the five-foot-high snow drifts until they cover half of the upstairs windows. The lower two and three foot drifts are further away from the house, but that's where the sleet hits the hardest. There's nowhere safe to hide.
My feet feel like two dead heavy rocks and I've lost all feeling in them and my hands. Exhausted, I fall face first into the snow waiting to smother to death. My jacket rises up into the air. I'm upright. Adam yells, "Keep moving."
"I can't," I gasp. "I can't move my hands or my toes."
Adam carries me behind a tree, sits down, and settles me onto his lap. He bangs my frozen mitts against each other and says, "You clap and I'll sing."
"I can't feel my hands Adam . . . "
Bald Ugly Me - Chapter12 (Partial Excerpt2)
"STOP—crack—"LYING"—crack—"TO"—crack—"ME!" She slashes me repeatedly. The belt buckle hits my face. The blow to my eye sends sharp excruciating pains lodging deep inside my socket. It feels like shards of glass are embedded in my eyelid. She continues to beat me until I crunch up in a ball—in a bed of warm piss. My brain goes dead. It knows there's no right answer.
Bald Ugly Me - Chapter12 (Partial Excerpt2)
Cold steel vibrates against my left temple. I keep my eyes on the chair leg and grit my teeth. I know better than to move an inch. Clumps of hair fall to the floor. The blades rip across my right temple, twice, before she snarls, "Now try hiding your ugly face behind that hairy mop."
Hair is up my nose, in my eyes and sticking to my tongue, but I don't dare move an inch. She places a bowl on my head and snips high above my right eyebrow.
"Tada! I'm home!"
The bowl clatters to the floor. Irma pushes me . . .
Summary: "When Ned Rose, widowed father of six children, falls in love with the neighbor's wife, she moves into the Rose residence, destroys the family and tortures Ned's youngest daughter for eight years, until Juanita aged fourteen, finds the courage to run away and a court hearing follows, where she is made a ward of the court (crown ward) and her father is stripped of all parental rights." - - Provided by publisher.
- GenresSelf Help
339 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 4, 2013
512 people are currently reading
868 people want to read
About the author
Juanita Ray
13 books33 followersUpdated 2022.
Juanita Ray is a #1 best seller author of the true story memoir series, Toxic Thoughts. Thanks to you, the readers, many of her memoirs have maintained an organic best seller status, despite her lacking a social media platform, and not promoting her books.
Juanita, born in Newfoundland, Canada, was made a crown ward at age fourteen, after eight years of horrendous child abuse.
Due to becoming a child bride at age fifteen, she has never walked into a classroom since quitting school after grade eight. She became a teen entrepreneur with brick and mortar stores and her former claim to fame was building a building that collapsed a few days before the grand opening.
Juanita went on to earn an AIIC degree in insurance, host TV shows, become advertising manager for a newspaper firm, work for the financial division of Social Services, and earn an IC&I Realtor designation, all while solo raising an ADHD son (diagnosed by hospital).
She recovered from many adversities including, bankruptcy, a kidnapped first son, a long custody battle that cost her a third son, and owned multiple flower shops and houses.
During Shattered (book 5), she married a narcissist and lost everything. Despite being reduced to welfare, and losing her third son, she managed to find the resilience to bounce back.
During her journey from illegal alien, to a fortune 500 advertising consultant, she met and married her soulmate & co-worker, Scott.
Together they live at 'the jungle' in Southern California, with the horde: a 6-pack of dogs, 150 small birds housed in an outside aviary, & a 6-pack of outside semi-feral cats. One such cat constantly visits the spa, and crashes photo shoots, while the rest drool while covertly guarding the aviary.
Her newest rescue is a misfit Siamese cat with a dissociative identity disorder. Despite Juanita nursing the starving kitten though surgeries, and respiratory issues, the thankless cat continuously attacks her and treats her like a giant mouse.
Juanita’s loves photography, creating music, writing lyrics and painting everything in sight. Her favorite tools are drills, hammers, and her 10-inch miter saw.
Juanita Ray is a #1 best seller author of the true story memoir series, Toxic Thoughts. Thanks to you, the readers, many of her memoirs have maintained an organic best seller status, despite her lacking a social media platform, and not promoting her books.
Juanita, born in Newfoundland, Canada, was made a crown ward at age fourteen, after eight years of horrendous child abuse.
Due to becoming a child bride at age fifteen, she has never walked into a classroom since quitting school after grade eight. She became a teen entrepreneur with brick and mortar stores and her former claim to fame was building a building that collapsed a few days before the grand opening.
Juanita went on to earn an AIIC degree in insurance, host TV shows, become advertising manager for a newspaper firm, work for the financial division of Social Services, and earn an IC&I Realtor designation, all while solo raising an ADHD son (diagnosed by hospital).
She recovered from many adversities including, bankruptcy, a kidnapped first son, a long custody battle that cost her a third son, and owned multiple flower shops and houses.
During Shattered (book 5), she married a narcissist and lost everything. Despite being reduced to welfare, and losing her third son, she managed to find the resilience to bounce back.
During her journey from illegal alien, to a fortune 500 advertising consultant, she met and married her soulmate & co-worker, Scott.
Together they live at 'the jungle' in Southern California, with the horde: a 6-pack of dogs, 150 small birds housed in an outside aviary, & a 6-pack of outside semi-feral cats. One such cat constantly visits the spa, and crashes photo shoots, while the rest drool while covertly guarding the aviary.
Her newest rescue is a misfit Siamese cat with a dissociative identity disorder. Despite Juanita nursing the starving kitten though surgeries, and respiratory issues, the thankless cat continuously attacks her and treats her like a giant mouse.
Juanita’s loves photography, creating music, writing lyrics and painting everything in sight. Her favorite tools are drills, hammers, and her 10-inch miter saw.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews
November 8, 2013
This book is great. Once I started I could not put it down. It made me laugh and made me cry and mad at times at how parents can treat kids and get away with it. This book is very well written. I could sense and almost see the characters and feel the emotions of how they felt. It makes you think about our society and who the laws really seem to protect. There are some cool descriptions of surroundings and attention to details that I really enjoyed, like, a bed of green grass curls and moves with the tide like cooked spinach. I would recommend this to anyone 16 and up to read.
January 7, 2017
Battered engaged me from the very beginning. The author did an excellent job of narrating from a young girl's perspective, but still writing in a way that is interesting and compelling for adult readers. It's a tragic story with glimmers of hope throughout, and that's what makes the characters so easy to connect with, particularly young Jacinta, who is the narrator. I found myself rooting for her throughout the novel. I experienced the highs and lows, of which there were many, along with Jacinta. Can't wait to read what happens next in book 2.
May 27, 2020
Great read
This story needed to be shared. It's horrific and real! It could be an amazing novel of the editing was properly done. There are spaces.of time missing and some jumps in time. I would love to read an updated version with more editing and possibly additional narrative added to make the novel seamless.
This story needed to be shared. It's horrific and real! It could be an amazing novel of the editing was properly done. There are spaces.of time missing and some jumps in time. I would love to read an updated version with more editing and possibly additional narrative added to make the novel seamless.
December 16, 2013
I normally spend a month reading a book, but with this book I found myself picking it up whenever I had a spare moment. Found the book very interesting, and amusing. Hard to believe people can be so blind to things going on around them. Looking forward to the next book. Great book Juanita Ray Ray.
December 17, 2019
Disappointed in the end.
It is an ok read. The book does not end the way I hoped or anticipated. Maybe a sequel to is in the works.
It is an ok read. The book does not end the way I hoped or anticipated. Maybe a sequel to is in the works.
March 30, 2014
i read it, and read it, and i read it until it was done. and i hated it, well not the writing, the author or anything to do with the composition, i hated the content. it made me angry, emotionally angry like when i read wuthering heights and hated and loved heathcliff at the same time and when that happens you know its a good book. it draws you in, it makes you feel things, gets you involved in the character's life. and then it spits you out at the end wanting more and hating yourself for wanting more like a bad habit, an addiction that makes you feel guilty. i read a child called it when i was a kid and wondered how this could be, how could there be such abuse in the world and this book lends to the fact that yes, indeed, there is such abuse in the world. but there is also a light at the end of the tunnel. it may not be perfect, not so much a spotlight, more like a dim, red flashlight, but at least its something to hold onto. great book, cant wait to read the next addiction.
February 11, 2019
A great but truly sad read.
I have read many true sad child abuse stories but this has to be one of the saddest ones ever. What is done to this child is the most heartbreaking and infuriating stories I have ever read. Those who should have protected her failed her miserably. Juanita is a brave little girl! I would love to hear the rest of her story on how she overcame the atrocities she lived and prospered despite what she lived through. She is an amazing writer and the book is very hard to put down.
I have read many true sad child abuse stories but this has to be one of the saddest ones ever. What is done to this child is the most heartbreaking and infuriating stories I have ever read. Those who should have protected her failed her miserably. Juanita is a brave little girl! I would love to hear the rest of her story on how she overcame the atrocities she lived and prospered despite what she lived through. She is an amazing writer and the book is very hard to put down.
March 1, 2020
Almost Unbelievable
This book is carelessly edited with typos, etc. It is hard to believe that this is a true story. The abuse begins at such an early age and is described in such graphic detail that it is hard to believe. So many people were aware of this child's torment and yet no one came to her rescue. Also it is hard to believe the guilty parties were not punished, and if they were the reader was left to wonder. The ending was disappointing. What became of the planned adoption? What happened after Juanita ran away?
This book is carelessly edited with typos, etc. It is hard to believe that this is a true story. The abuse begins at such an early age and is described in such graphic detail that it is hard to believe. So many people were aware of this child's torment and yet no one came to her rescue. Also it is hard to believe the guilty parties were not punished, and if they were the reader was left to wonder. The ending was disappointing. What became of the planned adoption? What happened after Juanita ran away?
March 30, 2014
wow I mean yeah this book is amazing!I hate the situation so much, but as a reader there is nothing you can do about it, BRAVO! so much emotional control. this book is amazing! read it don't think about it, read it!
I wanted to freaking kill some people in this book but I will leave it spoiler free, do yourself a favor and read it!
I wanted to freaking kill some people in this book but I will leave it spoiler free, do yourself a favor and read it!
October 27, 2019
Battered
The author has a good story but it needs a rewrite. Too many loose ends. Even the ending left you hanging. The book needs to be proofread. Almost have up on it a number of times - so many errors, typos and wrong words used.
The author has a good story but it needs a rewrite. Too many loose ends. Even the ending left you hanging. The book needs to be proofread. Almost have up on it a number of times - so many errors, typos and wrong words used.
November 6, 2019
Poorly written
This book was so confusing because it jumped all over the place. I have so many unanswered questions because the author wasted so much time rambling about things that didnt pertain to this book. Don't waste your money.
This book was so confusing because it jumped all over the place. I have so many unanswered questions because the author wasted so much time rambling about things that didnt pertain to this book. Don't waste your money.
March 18, 2020
Jean38no
A very good read . Surprised the author was able to tell her story so well. All though the book you could feel the abuse going on. You could feel the anguish she endured by not being being able to tell anyone. People saw her coming to school with bruises. Even people that were suspicious such as teachers they never went far enough to overcome her distrust. I’m sure neighbors knew something. It just pains you to know no one helped these children not even the father. They should have gone to jail.
A very good read . Surprised the author was able to tell her story so well. All though the book you could feel the abuse going on. You could feel the anguish she endured by not being being able to tell anyone. People saw her coming to school with bruises. Even people that were suspicious such as teachers they never went far enough to overcome her distrust. I’m sure neighbors knew something. It just pains you to know no one helped these children not even the father. They should have gone to jail.
January 18, 2024
Fantastic story
This story was so moving, sad, exciting, entertaining and just plain SAD!!!. It is sad when the only parent you have left turns on you and your siblings for a crazy as hell woman😭😢. Juanita is a tough lady and has a big heart😍😘. She is a fantastic storyteller and is a PHENOMENAL writer.
This story was so moving, sad, exciting, entertaining and just plain SAD!!!. It is sad when the only parent you have left turns on you and your siblings for a crazy as hell woman😭😢. Juanita is a tough lady and has a big heart😍😘. She is a fantastic storyteller and is a PHENOMENAL writer.
February 28, 2020
Heart warming and inspiring
Proof that there really are monsters that live among us. But survival is absolutely possible no matter the odds. I pray for all of these children effected by Irma. Wish I knew her real name.
Proof that there really are monsters that live among us. But survival is absolutely possible no matter the odds. I pray for all of these children effected by Irma. Wish I knew her real name.
November 23, 2020
WOW! This book was hard to put down. The things the author experienced, in my opinion, might be one of the worst cases of child abuse I've read about. I was sobbing like a baby while reading this. My heart goes out to Juanita.
November 15, 2024
This was a good read but be warned there are a lot of triggers in this book involving child abuse physical and verbal abuse this poor girl is so strong and managed to get herself out of a terrible situation!
July 21, 2020
Fantastic
Read this book in a day a heart breaking read but one I just couldn't put down highly recommend this book
Read this book in a day a heart breaking read but one I just couldn't put down highly recommend this book
July 21, 2020
Too disjointed
The subject matter is very interesting; however, I could not form a clear picture of the characters because the writing is not, in my opinion, descriptive enough.
The subject matter is very interesting; however, I could not form a clear picture of the characters because the writing is not, in my opinion, descriptive enough.
February 18, 2021
Hard to get into at first but was worth persevering with.
September 29, 2021
Heart wrenching
Amazing story however it is heart wrenching to know that there is children out there who experience this kind of abuse
Amazing story however it is heart wrenching to know that there is children out there who experience this kind of abuse
November 20, 2021
excellent book
September 29, 2024
It was a great book but I had trouble following along in the beginning h
January 31, 2020
#readit
The story is heartbreaking. And yes there are typos, but not enough to ruin the story for me. I found myself unable to put the book down. I identified with the little girl in the book more than I wish I did. All in all, it was a sad story about the silence children are be forced into by abusive adults trying to hide their dark sides.
The story is heartbreaking. And yes there are typos, but not enough to ruin the story for me. I found myself unable to put the book down. I identified with the little girl in the book more than I wish I did. All in all, it was a sad story about the silence children are be forced into by abusive adults trying to hide their dark sides.
September 9, 2019
So tragic but hopeful
This was one of the saddest abuse stories I have read. Not because the abuse was any worse or better then many over children of abuse but because when she finally found someone to care for her the feelings related to that were so much worse for her then the hate and abuse she had known her whole life causing her to run from the very feelings the couple she had been staying with brought out in her.
The only thing more disgusting then the abuse and torture she suffered was the punishment her father and his wife (not her mother her mother had passed away) that the court laid down. This pair should have gone to prison for what they did to 6 really 8 children who's lives they systematically destroyed. The fact that the father never laid a hand on then does not vindicate him when he stood by and watched what his wife did and not only covered it up but excused it. I can't wait to read the next chapter of her life.
Anyone who has ever been affected by childhood abuse or even as an adult with fund hope in the pages of this book hope that if a little girl can make it out so can they. Hope that there are still some good people out there who want to help and make a difference to kids like her even if just temporary.
This was one of the saddest abuse stories I have read. Not because the abuse was any worse or better then many over children of abuse but because when she finally found someone to care for her the feelings related to that were so much worse for her then the hate and abuse she had known her whole life causing her to run from the very feelings the couple she had been staying with brought out in her.
The only thing more disgusting then the abuse and torture she suffered was the punishment her father and his wife (not her mother her mother had passed away) that the court laid down. This pair should have gone to prison for what they did to 6 really 8 children who's lives they systematically destroyed. The fact that the father never laid a hand on then does not vindicate him when he stood by and watched what his wife did and not only covered it up but excused it. I can't wait to read the next chapter of her life.
Anyone who has ever been affected by childhood abuse or even as an adult with fund hope in the pages of this book hope that if a little girl can make it out so can they. Hope that there are still some good people out there who want to help and make a difference to kids like her even if just temporary.
October 24, 2019
Need aftermath
Liked the book. Just wish it had more of fhe aftermath and healing process. Also woulx have liksd to know what happened to the rest of the siblings. If they ever did have a reunion of sorts. Whether stayed involved with each other or if they just called it quits after the quick reunion check-in.
Liked the book. Just wish it had more of fhe aftermath and healing process. Also woulx have liksd to know what happened to the rest of the siblings. If they ever did have a reunion of sorts. Whether stayed involved with each other or if they just called it quits after the quick reunion check-in.
September 7, 2018
Amazing brave girl...
This book is one of a kind. She goes through so much & battles it in the most inspiring way. Worth the read. But I would really like to hear the rest of her story. There is so many unanswered questions I'm left with after reading.
This book is one of a kind. She goes through so much & battles it in the most inspiring way. Worth the read. But I would really like to hear the rest of her story. There is so many unanswered questions I'm left with after reading.
January 28, 2019
Did not want to put down
I never know what to write here but this book was so painful and real. Thank you for sharing your story. It not only touched my heart but it was well written.
I never know what to write here but this book was so painful and real. Thank you for sharing your story. It not only touched my heart but it was well written.
October 13, 2019
Great writing
What a brave young woman/child. Her story is sad and heartbreaking. But she is so brave and manages to do what she needs to survive. I hope to read more about her.
What a brave young woman/child. Her story is sad and heartbreaking. But she is so brave and manages to do what she needs to survive. I hope to read more about her.
December 30, 2019
Monsters who need to be punished or fixed or destroyed
The book was heart wrenching. Social workers and others again fail the victims. Anyone can help if they see the signs. It was a good read but the book should have been proofread because there was many spelling errors.
The book was heart wrenching. Social workers and others again fail the victims. Anyone can help if they see the signs. It was a good read but the book should have been proofread because there was many spelling errors.
January 4, 2020
Good story but very sad. You can't put it down once you start reading this.
Very sad but definitely a good book. Hard to stop reading this. Author tells details to keep you interested. A must read.
Very sad but definitely a good book. Hard to stop reading this. Author tells details to keep you interested. A must read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 32 reviews