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Bedtime Stories for Cynics #1
Bedtime Stories for Cynics
The closest you'll get to having Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson read you a bedtime story, this sharp and silly series features inappropriate children's stories for adults only – performed by masters of the comedic arts.
46 pages, Audible Audio
First published November 10, 2017
About the author
Nick Offerman
34 books1,953 followersNick Offerman is an American actor, writer, and carpenter who is best known for his breakout role as Ron Swanson in the acclaimed NBC sitcom Parks and Recreation. For his work on Parks and Recreation, he received the Television Critics Award for Individual Achievement in Comedy.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 241 reviews
July 14, 2018
Some parts of this are genuinely laugh out loud funny. Sadly, other parts of it are so unoriginal they're cringeworthy. While this averages out as just OK, I'm glad I downloaded it as it helped with my Ron Swanson withdrawal symptoms. Plus, it was free.
July 30, 2018
This is a hit or miss production. Some of these are funny, others not so much.
September 1, 2019
Pretty fun audio comedy if one is into that sort of thing.
It's a treat to hear Offerman and so many other great comedians tell these cynical fairy tales. They are all talented and good actors so the narration and presentation is very well-done. As for the content, all X-ratedly offensive takes on various fairy tales and poems. Mostly too short to be groundbreaking in any way, just quality laughs without trying too hard to make any kind of brilliant statement.
Bedtime Stories for Cynics is short, entertaining, and worth listening to if you're a fan of anyone in the cast.
All that said... this collection is pretty good, but not great.
It's a treat to hear Offerman and so many other great comedians tell these cynical fairy tales. They are all talented and good actors so the narration and presentation is very well-done. As for the content, all X-ratedly offensive takes on various fairy tales and poems. Mostly too short to be groundbreaking in any way, just quality laughs without trying too hard to make any kind of brilliant statement.
Bedtime Stories for Cynics is short, entertaining, and worth listening to if you're a fan of anyone in the cast.
All that said... this collection is pretty good, but not great.
June 27, 2019
Not as funny as the second volume.. they were all just "okay" and most of the humor felt forced.
(The one with the house poem was one sort of shining star)
Narrators were good but couldn't save this for me.. our lovely introductionist (real word?) was still good but grated on me a few times.
You have to have a certain sense of humor to enjoy these but it missed the mark with this reader this time around. *shrugs*
(The one with the house poem was one sort of shining star)
Narrators were good but couldn't save this for me.. our lovely introductionist (real word?) was still good but grated on me a few times.
You have to have a certain sense of humor to enjoy these but it missed the mark with this reader this time around. *shrugs*
December 31, 2019
Offermans voice is the perfect voice, especially for bedtime stories! Really liked this one.
August 11, 2018
Ένα ξεκαρδιστικό (κάποιες φορές) και ανορθόδοξο (πάντα) ποτ πουρί από παραμύθια που δε θα διαβάσετε ποτέ στα παιδιά σας, όσο κι αν έχουν μεγαλώσει. Ένα θα πω: ο εξέκιουτιβ προντιούσερ λέγεται Jamie Katsoufis. Katsoufis! Σίριουσλυ. Οπότε, τι να περιμένεις, καλό;
(Πάντως, ήταν πιο διασκεδαστικό απ'ό,τι περίμενα)
(Πάντως, ήταν πιο διασκεδαστικό απ'ό,τι περίμενα)
December 11, 2018
This came with “12” episodes. Such a fun format. At the beginning of each one, Nick Offerman does a little intro. At the end of some of them, he will say a couple of words too. He was funny as per normal. Such a fun collection.
Ep. 1 ‘Goodnight Ambien’ read by Wyatt Cenac
Hilarious and clever. I do think this was Nick Offerman’s best intro. The first is always hard to beat. It really does reflect the night of an insomniac. A good chuckle. The narrator of the story was very good and he made it even better.
“Good night every embarrassing memory from the last 15 years suddenly popping into my head…” That line did it for me! Hahahahahaha. So much truth. 5 stars
Ep. 2 ‘Daddies’ read by John O’Hurley
The intro was the second best. It was a close tie to the first one.
This one was a hair sad. Funny, yes, but sad and has lots of truth to it. The narrator’s voice is one you’ll remember. I feel like he does everything. I want to listen to more from him. I bet he would do great at other audios. The ending fun a dark ending, but funny of course. 4 stars
Ep. 3 ‘Goldilocks’ read by Maria Bamford
Funny as per normal. It really reminded me of Ron Swanson from P&R.
Some chuckles but overall, meh. The narrator was okay. I liked her different voices for all the characters. She is new to me, so I’m not familiar. The ending was the funniest part. Not a bad remake of the original. I’ll give it 3 stars.
Ep. 4 ‘Heinz Linge and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day’ read by David Spade
The intro was not as good as the others. But still pretty funny overall.
David Spade is always a hoot. The story was good and a very interesting take on the story. Oooo Nazis. You evil bastards. But they are hilarious being the butt of jokes. Very funny overall. Guess even Nazis have bad days. LOL. Totally didn’t expect the ending. I’ll give this 4 stars.
Ep. 5 ‘The Frog Prince’ read by Patton Oswalt
Another just an okay intro. Not bad, but not as good as the others.
Love the narrator. He makes me roll on the floor with laughter. His girl voice killed me with this one! Ugh. The whole frog story always bugs me (even when I was little I didn’t care for the story). This remake was a good one and how I would imagine the story would’ve really went. The ending was hilarious and the princess had it coming. 4 stars for this one.
Ep. 6 ‘The Empress’ New Bangs’ read by Natasha Leggero
Intro was okay. No issues.
Funny, but a little underwhelming. It had its moments, but the rest didn’t really make me laugh. Loved the narrator though. She was good. I’ll give it 2 stars.
Ep. 7 ‘Todd the Dragon Slayer’ read by Lewis Black
The intro got me for some reason. I listened to it a couple of times. Simple, but good. This quote is what really gets me, because it rings so true, “If you find yourself offended by the language in this story, then you are a child. Congratulations. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t Fuck it up”
The story was good as well. I listened to it a couple of times as well. Ooooo that dragon! Lewis Black, as per normal, entertaining and knows how to make everything hilarious! I want to listen more to him. 5 stars overall.
Ep. 8 ‘The Turtle and the Rabbit’ read by Tommy Chong
Oooo Nick Offerman. You make me laugh. This was good and the best part.
The story was meh. The narrator just okay even though I find him funny normally. Super bummed. I’ll give it 2 stars.
Ep. 9 ‘Casey in the Sack’ read by Nick Thune
This was overall clever and had a couple of laughs (including the intro), but eh. Another meh one. I’ll give it 2 stars just for the cleverness.
Ep. 10 ‘Open House’ read by Tony Hale
Intro was okay.
Ooo! What a fun and funny story. It is told in the format of a poem and it was clever. It was sad too, but overall sidesplitting. Poor Maggie and her hubbie! The ending was the cherry on top. I’ll give this 5 stars.
Ep. 11 ‘The Very Thirsty Caterpillar’ read by Phoebe Robinson
A good intro. Had me laughing. Very dark and informative.
Eh. It had a few chuckles. The only good part was the fact about how darkly true this is. I totally get what they were after and I feel like it didn’t work well. The narrator did well though. I’ll give it 2 stars.
Ep. 12 ‘Caramello’ read by Brent Weinbach
HAHAHAHA “foot fetish”. Oooooh Nick Offerman.
Eh. Another one that gave a few chuckles, but overall meh. I honestly zoned out near the end there. 1 star for this one.
OVERALL
This was funny even the meh ones still had some laughs. I’ll for sure re-listen to my favorites here and there since they are legit only a few minutes long. It was free and if you are a cynic and like darker, true, and inappropriate humor I would suggest listening to this collection. *does math*. I’ll round this out to about 3 stars. Worth the listen.
Ep. 1 ‘Goodnight Ambien’ read by Wyatt Cenac
Hilarious and clever. I do think this was Nick Offerman’s best intro. The first is always hard to beat. It really does reflect the night of an insomniac. A good chuckle. The narrator of the story was very good and he made it even better.
“Good night every embarrassing memory from the last 15 years suddenly popping into my head…” That line did it for me! Hahahahahaha. So much truth. 5 stars
Ep. 2 ‘Daddies’ read by John O’Hurley
The intro was the second best. It was a close tie to the first one.
This one was a hair sad. Funny, yes, but sad and has lots of truth to it. The narrator’s voice is one you’ll remember. I feel like he does everything. I want to listen to more from him. I bet he would do great at other audios. The ending fun a dark ending, but funny of course. 4 stars
Ep. 3 ‘Goldilocks’ read by Maria Bamford
Funny as per normal. It really reminded me of Ron Swanson from P&R.
Some chuckles but overall, meh. The narrator was okay. I liked her different voices for all the characters. She is new to me, so I’m not familiar. The ending was the funniest part. Not a bad remake of the original. I’ll give it 3 stars.
Ep. 4 ‘Heinz Linge and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day’ read by David Spade
The intro was not as good as the others. But still pretty funny overall.
David Spade is always a hoot. The story was good and a very interesting take on the story. Oooo Nazis. You evil bastards. But they are hilarious being the butt of jokes. Very funny overall. Guess even Nazis have bad days. LOL. Totally didn’t expect the ending. I’ll give this 4 stars.
Ep. 5 ‘The Frog Prince’ read by Patton Oswalt
Another just an okay intro. Not bad, but not as good as the others.
Love the narrator. He makes me roll on the floor with laughter. His girl voice killed me with this one! Ugh. The whole frog story always bugs me (even when I was little I didn’t care for the story). This remake was a good one and how I would imagine the story would’ve really went. The ending was hilarious and the princess had it coming. 4 stars for this one.
Ep. 6 ‘The Empress’ New Bangs’ read by Natasha Leggero
Intro was okay. No issues.
Funny, but a little underwhelming. It had its moments, but the rest didn’t really make me laugh. Loved the narrator though. She was good. I’ll give it 2 stars.
Ep. 7 ‘Todd the Dragon Slayer’ read by Lewis Black
The intro got me for some reason. I listened to it a couple of times. Simple, but good. This quote is what really gets me, because it rings so true, “If you find yourself offended by the language in this story, then you are a child. Congratulations. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t Fuck it up”
The story was good as well. I listened to it a couple of times as well. Ooooo that dragon! Lewis Black, as per normal, entertaining and knows how to make everything hilarious! I want to listen more to him. 5 stars overall.
Ep. 8 ‘The Turtle and the Rabbit’ read by Tommy Chong
Oooo Nick Offerman. You make me laugh. This was good and the best part.
The story was meh. The narrator just okay even though I find him funny normally. Super bummed. I’ll give it 2 stars.
Ep. 9 ‘Casey in the Sack’ read by Nick Thune
This was overall clever and had a couple of laughs (including the intro), but eh. Another meh one. I’ll give it 2 stars just for the cleverness.
Ep. 10 ‘Open House’ read by Tony Hale
Intro was okay.
Ooo! What a fun and funny story. It is told in the format of a poem and it was clever. It was sad too, but overall sidesplitting. Poor Maggie and her hubbie! The ending was the cherry on top. I’ll give this 5 stars.
Ep. 11 ‘The Very Thirsty Caterpillar’ read by Phoebe Robinson
A good intro. Had me laughing. Very dark and informative.
Eh. It had a few chuckles. The only good part was the fact about how darkly true this is. I totally get what they were after and I feel like it didn’t work well. The narrator did well though. I’ll give it 2 stars.
Ep. 12 ‘Caramello’ read by Brent Weinbach
HAHAHAHA “foot fetish”. Oooooh Nick Offerman.
Eh. Another one that gave a few chuckles, but overall meh. I honestly zoned out near the end there. 1 star for this one.
OVERALL
This was funny even the meh ones still had some laughs. I’ll for sure re-listen to my favorites here and there since they are legit only a few minutes long. It was free and if you are a cynic and like darker, true, and inappropriate humor I would suggest listening to this collection. *does math*. I’ll round this out to about 3 stars. Worth the listen.
October 21, 2025
2.25 ⭐️
This is a collection of short stories... retellings, will you.
I really enjoyed the first two stories. Did not enjoy the rest.
This is a collection of short stories... retellings, will you.
I really enjoyed the first two stories. Did not enjoy the rest.
September 28, 2021
Definitely worth a listen if you have an Audible membership, as it's free on there... Some stories were quite funny, some were just okay. None were as humorous as the opening story (truly laugh-out-loud funny), but all of the stories were still fun to listen to. Will definitely check out vol. 2...
August 1, 2022
Not for me
May 18, 2018
Thoroughly enjoyed listening to these and will probably re-listen again and again. Witty and utterly ridiculous. Loved it.
October 9, 2018
Well, you have to be in a certain mood to appreciate these short stories. Some are genius, most are very annoying. But... It's certainly something different!
November 28, 2018
The Cringe is real en varios.
February 15, 2019
Χαριτωμενο,απολαυσα περισσοτερο τον Offerman παρα τις ιστοριες.
June 23, 2023
Downloaded for free on audible. I knew nothing about it and figured it would help me sleep. Wrong. I laughed out loud and got less sleep.
July 5, 2018
Thought these would be funny, but were just silly, for the most part. Adding swearing and sex to fairy tales and getting celebrities to read them. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but ... Nick Offerman's comments/intros are more amusing than the stories. Didn't finish.
December 13, 2018
Nothing deep or useful but quite funny.
May 4, 2019
Irreverent, inappropriate, and wildly hilarious. These stories are twisted dreams of their own.
September 29, 2020
Book Rating: ★★★☆☆ (3.5/5 stars)
Audio Book Rating: ★★★★★ (5/5 Stars)
Total Rating: ★★★☆☆ (3.5/5 stars)
Are you sick of all those happy bedtime stories? Do you want something to please your cynical mind? Then Nick Offerman presents to you a series of bedtime stories that will quell your need for all things negative and rude.
Don’t go into this audible production thinking it will be happy-go-lucky. If you’re hoping for that, then this isn’t for you. No, you’ll be dragged into a series of narcissistic tales filled with unlikable heroes and no real morals. They’re fun, sometimes obnoxious, but worth a quick listen.
Nick Offerman introduces each story in his Ron Swanson-esque charm, and each storyteller is skilled in keep you engaged. But…not every story is a home run though (such as “Casey in the Sack”), but there are gems that will make you laugh (such as “The Empress’s New Bangs”). Each person’s own taste will play into what they think of these Bedtime Stories…and some people might love them all, while some like a few.
If you have an hour or so, give these stories a listen. Or just pick one, and dedicate 8 mintues before bed to learning about Goldilock’s unfortunate demise or how the Tortoise kicked the Hare out of his home. I’ll definitely check out the second edition of this series, because if anything, they are some gems within these cynical tales.
Audio Book Rating: ★★★★★ (5/5 Stars)
Total Rating: ★★★☆☆ (3.5/5 stars)
Are you sick of all those happy bedtime stories? Do you want something to please your cynical mind? Then Nick Offerman presents to you a series of bedtime stories that will quell your need for all things negative and rude.
Don’t go into this audible production thinking it will be happy-go-lucky. If you’re hoping for that, then this isn’t for you. No, you’ll be dragged into a series of narcissistic tales filled with unlikable heroes and no real morals. They’re fun, sometimes obnoxious, but worth a quick listen.
Nick Offerman introduces each story in his Ron Swanson-esque charm, and each storyteller is skilled in keep you engaged. But…not every story is a home run though (such as “Casey in the Sack”), but there are gems that will make you laugh (such as “The Empress’s New Bangs”). Each person’s own taste will play into what they think of these Bedtime Stories…and some people might love them all, while some like a few.
If you have an hour or so, give these stories a listen. Or just pick one, and dedicate 8 mintues before bed to learning about Goldilock’s unfortunate demise or how the Tortoise kicked the Hare out of his home. I’ll definitely check out the second edition of this series, because if anything, they are some gems within these cynical tales.
December 7, 2020
DNF at 20% 1,5 stars… I gave up after the third story… this just… wasn’t funny at all, at least not to me… and don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against dark takes on familiar stories, but it helps if you have an actually good idea to do it... maybe if each of them would be at least a bit longer it would work better… but in this format it’s a no from me… moving on to something better
XOXO
A
XOXO
A
May 7, 2021
A funny concept that very quickly turned unfunny. The humor of fairy tale characters dropping F bombs wears off fairly soon. I usually like Nick Offerman, but the constant reiteration of his bedroom prowess was amusing the first time and maybe the second. Some of the retellings made me cringe rather than laugh. I did enjoy Nick Thune's Casey in the Sack much more than the overated poem it parodies.
January 15, 2021
Very funny and goofy- not a great way to wind down for the evening, but laughable and twisted for sure. A very fun audible original- never thought Nick Offerman and Lewis Black would be reading me to sleep!
May 7, 2021
Funny adult spin on bedtime stories. But let’s be honest, I grabbed this on Audible because Nick Offerman. He can read to me anytime he likes.
June 29, 2021
It was okay, but the first story was so crude that I almost DNF’d the book. My favorite story was “Goodnight Ambien.” There aren’t too many others that I’d relisten.
August 22, 2021
How can you not love cynical hilarity read by comedy greats!?!? I mean Nick Offerman, David Spade, Tommy Chong, Lewis Black and on and on... just a great collection!
May 22, 2022
I am only docking this a star because it was so funny I couldn't sleep. I wouldn't market this as bed time stories lol
October 28, 2023
Cute enough couple hour long audiobook to enjoy on a drive with your spouse. Good narration from popular entertainers.
April 14, 2024
Fun read!!!!
September 7, 2024
I found these stories really funny, but they aren't for everyone
Displaying 1 - 30 of 241 reviews