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Fathers and Daughters: Helping girls and their dads build unbreakable bonds
What do our girls think about their fathers? And what are fathers struggling with when it comes to their relationship with their daughters? The bestselling author of BEING 14 now tackles the complicated father/daughter relationship. Award-winning journalist, author and commentator Madonna King has interviewed over five-hundred girls and many fathers, as well as leading psychologists, school principals, CEOs, police, guidance counsellors and neuroscientists, to get the answers all mothers, fathers and daughters need to know. Exploring a father's role in his daughter's life from a daughter's perspective as well as the father's, Madonna examines the key issues that arise to help families navigate the sometimes very difficult moments. This essential and insightful book reveals why daughters turn against their fathers, teen rebellion, discipline, sexual education, the impact of broken families, how much influence a father can/should have and what you can do to repair a broken relationship. FATHERS AND DAUGHTERS will give a voice to our girls, insight to our fathers and peace of mind to both.'valuable for any parents' SUNDAY TIMES on Madonna King's BEING 14
- GenresNonfiction
207 pages, Kindle Edition
Published August 28, 2018
34 people are currently reading
104 people want to read
About the author
Madonna King
16 books12 followersMadonna King is an award-winning journalist, commentator and author. She has spent 25 years working as a journalist in Brisbane, Sydney, the Canberra press gallery and the United States.
Ian Frazer: The man who saved a million lives is Madonna’s fourth book. Her previous titles include Catalyst, which looks at the media, politics and the law; One-Way Ticket (co-authored with Cindy Wockner), an investigation into the lives of the Bali 9; and A Generous Helping (co-authored with Alison Alexander), which drew on the community to create a best-selling recipe collection to raise money for victims of the 2011 Queensland floods.
Madonna also writes a weekly column for The Courier-Mail, sits on three not-for-profit boards, and travels Australia facilitating and moderating events.
Ian Frazer: The man who saved a million lives is Madonna’s fourth book. Her previous titles include Catalyst, which looks at the media, politics and the law; One-Way Ticket (co-authored with Cindy Wockner), an investigation into the lives of the Bali 9; and A Generous Helping (co-authored with Alison Alexander), which drew on the community to create a best-selling recipe collection to raise money for victims of the 2011 Queensland floods.
Madonna also writes a weekly column for The Courier-Mail, sits on three not-for-profit boards, and travels Australia facilitating and moderating events.
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
July 30, 2020
A calm port in a storm, picking the pivotal issues, being direct and using specific language, being rational, offering alternatives, accepting his daughter for who she is, being real: these are attributes that girls praised in their fathers.
A useful guide, which draws extensively on interviews with teenage girls (which I think makes a nice change from the typical anecdote/case study approach of similar books).
Seeking the views of about 1300 girls for this book taught me so much, and strong themes developed that became the foundation for this project. The one that stood out was the similarity in responses from those girls who shared a robust relationship with their father. Three answers turned up, over and over again; the bond that working the land created; the significance of shared beliefs; and the connection between sport and a good father–daughter relationship.
At times e.g. the quote above, I felt the book took a rather too traditional approach of gender roles - dad's can best bond via sports, teaching daughters to change tyres and camping trips - although I guess that's perhaps implicit in the nature of a book that looks at the particular issues with fathers and daughters. It is also I felt more aimed at those in high-flying jobs, economically well-off, with children at private schools etc.
However, there is lots to take away, particularly the exhortation do not - despite any encouragement from your daughter - take a step back.
And it was good to see from a book written from the other side of the world, recognition of the wonderful Dads4Daughters initiative (@D4DStPauls) from Britain’s top girls’ school, St Paul’s Girls’ School.
A useful guide, which draws extensively on interviews with teenage girls (which I think makes a nice change from the typical anecdote/case study approach of similar books).
Seeking the views of about 1300 girls for this book taught me so much, and strong themes developed that became the foundation for this project. The one that stood out was the similarity in responses from those girls who shared a robust relationship with their father. Three answers turned up, over and over again; the bond that working the land created; the significance of shared beliefs; and the connection between sport and a good father–daughter relationship.
At times e.g. the quote above, I felt the book took a rather too traditional approach of gender roles - dad's can best bond via sports, teaching daughters to change tyres and camping trips - although I guess that's perhaps implicit in the nature of a book that looks at the particular issues with fathers and daughters. It is also I felt more aimed at those in high-flying jobs, economically well-off, with children at private schools etc.
However, there is lots to take away, particularly the exhortation do not - despite any encouragement from your daughter - take a step back.
And it was good to see from a book written from the other side of the world, recognition of the wonderful Dads4Daughters initiative (@D4DStPauls) from Britain’s top girls’ school, St Paul’s Girls’ School.
August 29, 2019
Madonna King, best selling author, journalist and commentator, has created a brilliant new book ‘Fathers and Daughters’ that is an invaluable and much needed resource.
Based on interviews with 1300 girls aged ten to seventeen and 400 dads aged between thirty eight and sixty six, who have daughters, the author sensitively presents the insights.
All manner of questions are asked to fathers and daughters, and they are not shy in coming forward. At times it is confronting, and at other times encouraging.
Beliefs are challenged, understandings gleaned, and miscommunication is exposed as fathers and daughters express the good, the bad and the ugly of their relationships.
The author brings together all of these experiences and intertwines them with expert research and knowledge, filling the book with accessible advice and hints to support fathers from all walks of life.
This book is a brilliant gift, a superb work to sit on the bedside table for fathers to treasure, to refer to regularly and to recommend to those around them.
Based on interviews with 1300 girls aged ten to seventeen and 400 dads aged between thirty eight and sixty six, who have daughters, the author sensitively presents the insights.
All manner of questions are asked to fathers and daughters, and they are not shy in coming forward. At times it is confronting, and at other times encouraging.
Beliefs are challenged, understandings gleaned, and miscommunication is exposed as fathers and daughters express the good, the bad and the ugly of their relationships.
The author brings together all of these experiences and intertwines them with expert research and knowledge, filling the book with accessible advice and hints to support fathers from all walks of life.
This book is a brilliant gift, a superb work to sit on the bedside table for fathers to treasure, to refer to regularly and to recommend to those around them.
July 14, 2020
At the halfway mark:
If I were to describe this book in one word, it would be "negative". The overwhelming feeling I get reading it is "negativity". I feel poorly in my spirit reading this.
Regarding the idea early on about values, the point that I didn't think was made is that it is parents' job to instil values and common sense in their children, and not leave that up to the education system.
I just finished the chapter on divorced dads, and I was saddened to see the author be overwhelmingly anti-father and toe the lie that fathers in general readily dump their kids for their new girlfriend - I know a lot of divorced fathers and this could not be further from the truth. The quotes from the girls (eg "Dad should pay my school fees") clearly come straight from the mother and the author should have paid more than lip-service to the fact that fathers are battling a court system in which they have to fight harder than women to get equal custody; that the mothers play an ENORMOUS role in turning daughters against fathers; that the VAST majority of divorced fathers would LOVE to see their kids more; that even if the father does pay for everything, the mother can still make it difficult for him to see his kids; and that even in cases where the mother earns far more than the man, the stereotype is that he still pay for everything (a stereotype that needs to be broken). Yes, some fathers abandon their kids (so do mothers) and some don't step up and take responsibility for their offspring (so do mothers), but this is NOT the norm (certainly, it wouldn't be the norm among fathers reading this book!)
Another point missed is that vindictive mothers are far more prevalent - and harmful - in children's lives than vindictive fathers, as the mother will retain custody while the father will lose their custody for the same actions.
I was also disheartened to see that regarding stepmothers, the author only included quotes from the girls which were anti-stepmum. To me this shows either that the sample pool of girls interviewed was shallow, that they weren't asked elaborating questions, or that the author deliberately chose not to include any quotes which showed stepmums in a good light. Being a stepmum is one of THE hardest family roles to fulfull, and the stepmums I know go to astronomical lengths to facilitate the father's relationship with their children from the previous relationship. It was discouraging that this wasn't recognised in this book.
The overwhelming point of the book is that dad and daughters need "time", so shouldn't the logic then lead to the argument that courts and exes need to facilitate that where possible, not keep putting blame and barriers on fathers who are desperately trying to do the right thing?
A little further on:
This book is inconsistent. In one chapter it's about how dads are overprotective and schools are overprotective and that all girls want is for Dad to listen and not solve all problems, and then two chapters later it's about how dads are "chill" and DO just listen and not ride into battle for them (mum does that, contacting school and making a fuss and that's where school's overprotectiveness comes from).
Finished:
Like being unwilling to inflict self-harm, I took forever to finish the last two chapters. This book DOES have good points about the importance of fathers (increased rates of higher education and careers, lower rates of teen pregnancy, etc, etc, etc - but this is already largely known). However, I found it repetetive and limited in scope.
In sum:
This book is for:
- dads with a good disposable income (going out for coffee is repeated adnauseum)
- dads in a strong, stable first marriage (emphasis on first, see above)
- dads able to set their own working hours (dads who work long hours to provide for their family, especially if it involves travel, don't get much praise in these pages).
- women married to these men.
For everyone else outside these categories, if you can read this and pick out the points that can apply to you, then that's great! I give those points 5 stars. But I would just say: Go into it with a discerning mindset and don't take the narrow viewpoint and negative stereotypes personally.
If I were to describe this book in one word, it would be "negative". The overwhelming feeling I get reading it is "negativity". I feel poorly in my spirit reading this.
Regarding the idea early on about values, the point that I didn't think was made is that it is parents' job to instil values and common sense in their children, and not leave that up to the education system.
I just finished the chapter on divorced dads, and I was saddened to see the author be overwhelmingly anti-father and toe the lie that fathers in general readily dump their kids for their new girlfriend - I know a lot of divorced fathers and this could not be further from the truth. The quotes from the girls (eg "Dad should pay my school fees") clearly come straight from the mother and the author should have paid more than lip-service to the fact that fathers are battling a court system in which they have to fight harder than women to get equal custody; that the mothers play an ENORMOUS role in turning daughters against fathers; that the VAST majority of divorced fathers would LOVE to see their kids more; that even if the father does pay for everything, the mother can still make it difficult for him to see his kids; and that even in cases where the mother earns far more than the man, the stereotype is that he still pay for everything (a stereotype that needs to be broken). Yes, some fathers abandon their kids (so do mothers) and some don't step up and take responsibility for their offspring (so do mothers), but this is NOT the norm (certainly, it wouldn't be the norm among fathers reading this book!)
Another point missed is that vindictive mothers are far more prevalent - and harmful - in children's lives than vindictive fathers, as the mother will retain custody while the father will lose their custody for the same actions.
I was also disheartened to see that regarding stepmothers, the author only included quotes from the girls which were anti-stepmum. To me this shows either that the sample pool of girls interviewed was shallow, that they weren't asked elaborating questions, or that the author deliberately chose not to include any quotes which showed stepmums in a good light. Being a stepmum is one of THE hardest family roles to fulfull, and the stepmums I know go to astronomical lengths to facilitate the father's relationship with their children from the previous relationship. It was discouraging that this wasn't recognised in this book.
The overwhelming point of the book is that dad and daughters need "time", so shouldn't the logic then lead to the argument that courts and exes need to facilitate that where possible, not keep putting blame and barriers on fathers who are desperately trying to do the right thing?
A little further on:
This book is inconsistent. In one chapter it's about how dads are overprotective and schools are overprotective and that all girls want is for Dad to listen and not solve all problems, and then two chapters later it's about how dads are "chill" and DO just listen and not ride into battle for them (mum does that, contacting school and making a fuss and that's where school's overprotectiveness comes from).
Finished:
Like being unwilling to inflict self-harm, I took forever to finish the last two chapters. This book DOES have good points about the importance of fathers (increased rates of higher education and careers, lower rates of teen pregnancy, etc, etc, etc - but this is already largely known). However, I found it repetetive and limited in scope.
In sum:
This book is for:
- dads with a good disposable income (going out for coffee is repeated adnauseum)
- dads in a strong, stable first marriage (emphasis on first, see above)
- dads able to set their own working hours (dads who work long hours to provide for their family, especially if it involves travel, don't get much praise in these pages).
- women married to these men.
For everyone else outside these categories, if you can read this and pick out the points that can apply to you, then that's great! I give those points 5 stars. But I would just say: Go into it with a discerning mindset and don't take the narrow viewpoint and negative stereotypes personally.
April 1, 2019
A collection of the wants, needs and ideas of young girls in relation to their dads...summarized chapter by chapter by Madonna King.
For many of us fathers who read this, the revelations will not be news to us. We already know (or think we know) many of the main points about being present and tact. But is good to read that we're on the right track.
The sad thing is that all the "fathers" that actually need to be told, that truly need to read a book like this, simply wont.
And it's their kids that I feel sorry for.
For many of us fathers who read this, the revelations will not be news to us. We already know (or think we know) many of the main points about being present and tact. But is good to read that we're on the right track.
The sad thing is that all the "fathers" that actually need to be told, that truly need to read a book like this, simply wont.
And it's their kids that I feel sorry for.
August 7, 2024
This books provides valuable insights into father-daughter relationships and what father's need to take note of raising girls.
My own take aways are to take time to understand them, spend time with them, respecting them not to make fun of them, to listen more.
Highly recommended read for all fathers out there.
My own take aways are to take time to understand them, spend time with them, respecting them not to make fun of them, to listen more.
Highly recommended read for all fathers out there.
June 25, 2022
Even though this was published in 2018, it leaned heavy into how some Dads are not tech-savvy. It did not resonate with me on that level, but had good anecdotes, if not overly repetative. Skip to the end for the ten bullet points to save your time.
September 28, 2018
Highly recommended. I might have misted up a bit.
March 6, 2019
Lisa 2019
July 15, 2020
Seems mostly made of anecdotes but some great simple advice in here or at least affirmation that you're doing the right thing.
April 14, 2021
As a father of three daughters including one about to hit the teen years the book gave some very important insights that have been very helpful.
Read
February 25, 2019Bit hard to give a rating given the expertise gap between author and reader. Will be a useful book to have around as my daughters grow up, might be a tad too early to read (eldest is only 8) but a good start to thinking proactively about parenting as a father.
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews