So I Might Be a Vampire

by Rodney V. Smith, Barran Nikki (Editor)

Nobody expects to get turned into a vampire, especially a guy like Bob. Everybody hopes that if they somehow get transformed into a vampire, they will instantly become some kind of superhero vampire out of the movies. Bad news not gonna happen. More likely than not, you're gonna be one of the poor clueless bastards hanging out on Thursday nights with Bob in his vampire support group. You may think you know what being a vampire is supposed to be like, but Bob is here to set you straight. He's made it his personal mission to get answers about the reality of being a vampire. He's been shot, stabbed, thrown off rooftops, survived bad coffee and endured crippling boredom - all in the name of answering the eternal question of what it means to be a vampire.

Genres: Vampires, Contemporary

334 pages, Hardcover

First published March 14, 2014

About the author

Rodney V. Smith has been writing stories from the time he could hold a pencil. Born in Barbados, he has written short stories, screenplays and webseries.

He is one of the founding members of the Independent Web series Creators of Canada (IWCC) and has written and produced several webseries including the critically acclaimed “Dominion” and the sci-fi adventure “Out of Time”. Smith grew up in Barbados with an active interest in writing and art. He has been writing and producing screenplays for over 10 years and has published serialized stories on Wattpad.

The first in the Chasing the Sun series, SO I MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE is his debut novel.

Reviews

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

A hilarious read if you like your characters proficient in profanity and VERY bad at being both a human and a vampire.
Bob (or Bobbikins to his frenemies) is sort of like an anti- kickarse hero with some serious character flaws, but I love him nonetheless. The book is essentially the story of Bob & Claude and their 20 year+ bromance which is really pulled to stretching point by Bob being accidentally made a vampire. I can actually see this being made into a film as an antidote to all the Twilight type sagas (which Bob assures me are fucking crap .... and nothing like real life! 😂)
It's not the most stunning piece of literature ..... but then again it doesn't aim to be. It's just a rollicking good tale that has you chuckling in quite a few places at both the shenanigans and larger than life characters.(It also confirmed my belief that entitled vampires are complete douche-canoes) I can't wait to read the next book!

I received an ebook copy of this novel from the author via Bookfunnel. I have voluntarily chosen to review the book and the gifting in no way influences my review/rating, which reflects my honest opinion.

[Dianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who knows anything about vampires can tell you the facts, because, come on, paranormal authors wouldn’t lie, right? They don’t make this stuff up, right? BUT, have you ever read a real, honest to goodness, straight from the vampire’s fang, tell-all? I am talking the down and dirty, the raw truth, and the ugly, unvarnished, unpolished reality. Meet Bob, the accidental vampire, the guy who quite frankly, was a loser in life. Well guess what, going all vampy didn’t make him handsome, rich or able to suddenly make better life choices. This is Bob’s story, as well as a “what no to do,” guide for those who may find themselves in his position and while hysterical at times, it is not pretty.

SO I MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE by Rodney V. Smith is the story of an addict, a player who thought he could bend the rules who lived a dead end life with only his best friend in his corner. It was crossing the wrong man, the “godfather” of vampires and the human drug trade that started Bob’s journey into his new life, and replaced one addiction for another, proved to him that being the vampire of legends was going to take a lot more than he had to offer. If you think being able to heal rapidly is cool, Bob can tell you, it still hurts like heck and all those cool vampy things? There is a learning curve and Bob is proving that he has managed to fail miserably, once again.

Don’t get me wrong Bob is a likeable guy, sure, his mouth tends to run a bit, he tends to need explicit examples to learn valuable lessons and in his defense, it isn’t like there is a manual and no one is willing to take him under their wing, but at least his best friend hasn’t deserted him…yet.

Sit back and get ready to laugh out loud as Rodney V. Smith gives us a reality check on being a vampire! Witty, raw, gritty and earthy, this raucous tale is completely entertaining from start to finish! Mr. Smith has comedic timing and attitude down pat in this fast-reading tale! Meet the powerful vamps, the dark vamps and quite frankly some pretty strange vamps, but trust me, no one is as clueless as Bob. I highly recommend reading SO I MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE just for the fun of it, or maybe, because if you don’t know, (like Bob) this could save you a lot of pain (unlike Bob).

I received a complimentary ARC edition from Rodney V. Smith!

Series: Chasing the Sun - Book 1
Publisher: Lost Bajan Publishing; 2 edition (February 13, 2018)
Publication Date: November 7, 2017
Genre: Humorous Fantasy
Print Length: 388 pages
Available from: Amazon | Barnes & Noble
For Reviews & More: http://tometender.blogspot.com

[Shirley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Original review

*2.5/5 stars*

This book was provided by the author in exchange for an honest review. Thank you Rodney V. Smith.

So I Might Be A Vampire tells the story of Bob and how he became a vampire. Bob hasn’t always been the perfect human, but he is an even worse vampire. As a human, he was a drug addict and now as a vampire, he’s a blood addict. A lot of bad things happen, but will Bob become a better, well-learnt vampire?

So I Might Be A Vampire changed everything about vampires. Rodney V. Smith created his vampire world where everyone thinks the TV vampires are the real vampires, but in reality, they are not. The vampires in Rodney V. Smith’s world are completely different. One of the things that I liked about this book was that Bob joked about how vampires are so different and that everyone thought Bob would be like ‘that’ and Bob proved us always wrong.

Now the more negative part of the review. I wasn’t really into the story. Don’t get me wrong, the idea was good and there was some character development, but I just couldn’t get into the story. There were numerous times that I thought of quitting, but because I got this book, I wanted to give it a chance and finish it. It was really hard to finish it and to be honest, I skimmed a few pages. It was just a long-winded story and just nothing for me.

I wish that I could’ve liked the story more, but I just couldn’t.

[Cyrene Olson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uncaged Review: Bob isn’t like your average vampire, he lives with his friend Claude and works in a sex store. He is learning how to be a vampire and even starts his own self-help group to get other new vampires to join. I thought this book to be a good read and what I think will be a good vampire series. As Bob is quite a funny vampire. I gave three stars as I felt the story took a while to move along. I felt the author was trying to make it just all the way funny and felt the plot line was repeating itself. I would however like to read the rest of the series to see how Bob and the author progress in the future.
Reviewed by Jennifer

[BookzBookzBookz · Rating 4 out of 5]

So I Might Be A Vampire, Bob shares with us the daily struggles of self-abuse (because he has nothing else to do), women, dealing with blood lust and finding , or creating, a therapy group. He works during the day, he's broker than a broke-legged horse and he can't keep his mouth shut! But you gotta love him!

He debunks all the vampiric myths and explained why jalapeños-garlic based foods are detrimental more than any cross! He's not rich, heck- he can barely buy the alcohol he feels he needs in order to deal with every day life. But he does have to deal with every day life. It's a definite change of pace on the vamp industry and I believe Smith has found something new, refreshing.

The book, as mentioned, is the first in a series and I believe you'll enjoy it. There are some mature situations and sadly, the one thing I didn't like about Bob was that he enjoyed recreational drug use. Outside of that, it's a fun read. Check out So I Might Be A Vampire, while I move on to the next read. Cheers!

*For Full Review: http://bit.ly/BobsBite
​So I Might Be A Vampire
Book 1 of Chasing the Sun series
Rodney V. Smith
Published by Amazon Digital Services, November 2017
388 pages
Science Fiction/Humor/Fantasy

[Waverly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Bob is a likeable sad sack unable to get over his ex-girlfriend who walked away after learning that he's storing heroin for a dealer in their apartment. He works in a porn shop and spends the first half of the book drunk, high, or both. A pillar of society he is not, and as far as he's concerned, the more expletives in a sentence, the better. If you're offended by such, this isn't your book.

Yet Bob is clearly a good guy despite his bad habits. His friends know his weaknesses but have his back no matter what, which is why one of them saves his life despite risking a death sentence for turning him into a vampire.

The book really hits its stride here with the discovery of vampire society, We meet some great characters, including a no-nonsense vampire ER doctor and the unstable but unstoppable Beatrice who takes charge of Bob as her vampire protege. His best friend Claude remains all in even after Bob goes fangy. The author writes dialog well, especially between these two. and I found myself wishing Bob became a vampire much sooner in the book; it doesn't take long to figure out that Bob's a hot mess, after all. The novel grew on me as I kept reading. I'm not a fan of cliffhangers, but there's enough promise by the ending that I'll be interested to see what happens in book two.

[Akshaya (shae_reads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

How Not to Vampire by Rodney V Smith, brought me out of my reading slump and am happy that it was this book! This book, in many ways, is a stellar example of what creative writing lecturers mean when they say you can have an amazing book with just an interesting character voice. I have read similar voices in rom-coms and chick-lit (*wink-wink* at people who have read the book. If you know, you know), but it was a splash of freshness to read it within the genre (of fantasy of course). On further googling I discovered that this book was available initially as an episodic story series on Wattpad - if you get in to the book knowing this tidbit, you'll be more in tune with what to expect from the story structure. As long as you know what to expect from the story- an awesome time pass with an interesting voice with not much for a plot - you are going to love it!

[David Thirteen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rodney V. Smith serves up a rollicking, fast-paced take on the vampire genre, which sidles away from dark horror and teen angst into solid humour territory. In it, Bob the Vampire sets the record straight and pulls back the veil on the problems of being undead in modern society. The life of a vampire isn’t what the movies make it out to be and it’s far from glamours. Poor Bob can’t even quit his day job-- or rather, his night job. His story is written in a strong voice that makes the otherworldly happenings feel real and keeps the comedy rolling along like a good stand-up routine. I found it to be a crisp page-turner that worked because it’s humour stems from the all too human foibles we all can recognize. Bob may be an awful vampire (and not a very competent person to begin with) but by the end, it’s hard not to like him despite his cowardliness, foolishness, and seriously horrible decisions. A great book for anyone looking for a good laugh. It provides a wonderful alternative perspective to every other vampire novel, gory or glittery.

[Stephanie Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book of a series that I cannot wait to finish reading! This book had me laughing from the moment it started. Bob the Vampire gets himself into some serious, and seriously funny, situations. From being kicked out of the vampire’s club and being thrown off a roof to being shot in the head by a drug dealer, Bob’s shenanigans had me on the edge of my seat wanting more.

Vampires are not the same as you heard about the movies, and Bob is here to set the record straight. He also tells you how he accidentally became a vampire and how much the other vampires were unhappy about this accidental turn. It goes against all of the rules their society has in place to keep their existence a secret. And now, Bob must deal with the consequences of being a drug-addicted vampire without a mentor, living in a world full of rules that he keeps breaking.

Be aware though, if you aren’t a fan of foul language, you may not make it through this book. There is a lot of it, but the humor of the story kept me engaged enough to want to finish and now I cannot wait until the second and third books are out!

[Alli · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a hilarious book about vampires. Very different from others - it's hilarious, it's easy to read, and it provides a slice of life for a new vampire named Bob. I really enjoy Rodney's conversation style of writing. It made it easy to get through this book quickly and look forward to more. It was a Valentine's Day present from my husband and now he is reading it, too.

[Rosemarie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book provided by author in return for an honest review

Bob is a terrible vampire, he's just not very good at it, and to top it all off, he has an addictive personality. His boss at the porn shop objects to him disappearing for days at a time, too.
I enjoyed this book. I liked the plot development and the characters, and I had a giggle at Bob constantly upsetting everyone.

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really, really wanted to like this book. I sort of did, but I would have been happier without the "f-word" appearing as frequently as it did. I know it is part of who the main character is (and he tells the story), but it made me not want to hang around him. Yes, he is a vampire and an addict, but somewhere there might be a decent person inside all of that.

I think that decent person buried deep within is what kept me reading. This was definitely not my normal book; I kept shaking my head over poor life choices. What I did find interesting was the supporting cast of characters. I had told myself I wouldn't read the sequel, but the end of the book may have changed my mind on that.

If you like hip vampire fiction, I think you will like this book (especially if you don't mind the language). There is a dark humor to it and folks who like that might well like it as well.

[2shay · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is different. It’s quirky, witty and a hell of a lot of fun. You might need to let go of all previous ideas of what a vampire is, all those notions from previous books and movies.

Poor Bob is a mess. He was a mess as a human, and he’s a bigger mess as a vampire. Bob, the human, was an addict. Addicted to what, you ask? Pretty much whatever he can get his hands on…drugs, booze, whatever. His first problem as a vampire is that pharmaceuticals and alcohol don’t work for him anymore…his vampire system just absorbs it! That’s pretty tough for an addict. His first big disappointment is that he can’t fly. Darn!

But Bob’s biggest problem is that he was turned accidentally. Oops…and all of the other vampires laugh and call him names! Or they think he should be killed. Mostly, they think he should be killed. The rules of turning a vampire are very strict, and Bob, because he’s a human mess, would never be eligible. None of the other vampires want to play vampire games with him, or teach him how to be a proper vampire. He only has a couple of human friends, and only one, Claude, who knows he’s a vampire! It’s a sucky situation.

This phrase, from early in the book, had me laughing out loud!

“My stupid and possibly traitorous penis twitched at the thought and I made a note to shoot it for attempted mutiny.”

Well, maybe it’s funnier when you’ve read the previous paragraph! But that’s just one of the many times I laughed at this outrageously funny story. I’m quite addicted myself, now! I am looking for my next fix in this off-the-wall comedic look at the life of Bob The Vampire! If you have a quirky sense of humor, you will love Bob, too. Pick up a copy and…

Enjoy!

2shay (From the blog chezshayonline)

[Ava Larksen · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Pro-Tip for Humans:- DROP EVERYTHING AND READ THIS BOOK!'

So what you need to know is that Rodney has taken the Vampire genre and spun it on its head. He's even cleverly included 'Pro-Tips for Vampires' within the story. How Not To Vampire is ever so funny, Bob, the main character is a sweet, hapless mess, and I love him for the chaos he brings.

We spend one crazy night with Bob still pining for the love of his life, and we're led on a sexy and mad ride full of boobs, risky bathroom sex, orgies, and drugs, while his friends are trying to keep him in line, and we are biting our nails in between laughing our asses off, awaiting the moment when Bob is bitten and turned into a Vampire. Which of course is unexpected on both accounts. And then for our Bob, he needs to deal with both the Vampire Society and Beatrice. 👀

Rodney excels at comradery and breaking down that wall between you and the page effortlessly. You feel like you're one of Bob's friends, hanging out with your besties at a dive hole, shooting the shit with Sammy, Louise, and Claude, while trying to stop Bob from doing reckless stupid stuff AND alive. Bob's friendship both with Claude and Louise is spectacular. The dialogue is sublime. How Not To Vampire is a stellar read and I choked on laughter many a time, even sharing bits out loud with my family.

[Ari Augustine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bob the vampire blows every pre-conceived notion of what it means to be immortal right out of the water. Long gone are the days of sparkling broods and filthy-rich creatures. In So I Might Be A Vampire, the glamour is stripped away and what you're left with is ultimately more human than anyone could have imagined.

Though I'm not normally one for comedy, this book made me laugh and for that, I recommend it. You can check out the full review at: https://ravenousforreads.com/so-i-mig...

Disclaimer: I receive a copy of this book in exchange for my seriously honest review.

[Nayantara Pande · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a huge fan of badass vampires and origin stories. I really enjoyed the world building and characters. the descriptions of characters and places make it abundantly clear that it was intended for adaptation into a visual medium, which took me out of it and took up more space than the actual plot. having said that, i loved the pacing, the rules and the big bad of it all. eagerly awaiting the next installment but equally eagerly awaiting the Netflix show!

[ChronoSerrano · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a darkly fun story that I was able to read through very quickly. I'd have preferred that the cliffhanger be more abstract than ending mid-scene, but it certainly leaves you wanting to pick up the next installment.

[Kay Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun story. Listen to the parental advisory on the cover LOL. It is a logical and totally crazy Vampire story all at the same time. Same kind of story where someone is turned into a vampire and has to deal with it but this time with a few interesting twists. The story is fun a laugh out loud read but as much as Bob might be a terrible guy and does really stupid things you feel you have learnt something from this story.
I met Rodney at Bakka Phoenix and listened to him speak about the book and vampires. It was a great talk and a it really sold me on this book. Even if I didn't meet him then if I saw this book on the shelf I would still probably buy it. Because the cover describes a great sarcastic Vampire adventure. This is the kind of Vampire novels we need. It's not dark or repetitive (only where needed) but it's a new twist on the classic vampire story. Not sure what genre this is under but if Urban Horror is a thing than that would would be what I would call this.

[Moon · Rating 5 out of 5]

So you might be a fan.

Absolutely loved this book. Our main character, Bob, had the perfect amount humour, pathetic desperation and tragedy and despite it all you end up cheering for him as he slowly drags himself from the gutter. Particularly enjoyed the non linear structure of the story and Bob's heavily biased perspective, and the knowledge that everything he says has to taken with a grain of salt, although this may not be everyone's cup of tea. First time in a while I've felt like it was a real person narrating the story. It would've been nice for them to be expanded on, all the other characters felt real, although as mentioned, from Bob's point of view. Hopefully these (and the few remaining plot ends) will be expanded in book 2 (I really hope there's a book 2).

All in all, highly recommend!

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this more...

I really wanted to like this more, it was a good idea for a potentially funny story! The author lost his direction quickly, and what could have been a lovable mess-up of a protagonist, came off as a whiny self absorbed and irredeemable character that was difficult to sympathize with. He would come so close to setting up a scene that could have been Laugh out loud funny, and would somehow missed the mark. I kettle reading waiting for it all to gel, (because he came so close) but it just never quite made it. Grudgingly, I give it 3⭐'s because the author kept you hoping it would get better, it just never Did! 😔

[Lua · Rating 5 out of 5]

Muy pocas cosas he encontrado en medios digitales, ya sean redes sociales o plataformas como Wattpad. Pero cuando por fin encuentras cosas que si bien están lejos de ser obras como las de Hemingway o Faulkner; igual valen la pena, no solo para entretenerte sino que se aprecian un poco más.

Que algo sea literatura chatarra juvenil o refritos del cine americano para adolescentes, quiere decir que deba o tenga que ser malo. Incluso, para eso se puede exigir y buscar calidad y esta obra es de esas pocas. El escritor Rodney V Smith, me recuerda a las comedias afroamericanas que se hacían antes para el cine y la televisión. Sin dudas, si adaptaran esta novela, yo pagaría por ir a verla. Es una buena historia, graciosa, entretenida, inteligente y muy interesante a su manera. Rodney no busca que uno reflexione ante la vida; el autor, quiere que te diviertas y lo consigue magistralmente con una obra digna de ser una película de los hermanos Wayans.

[Plots and Reviews · Rating 3 out of 5]

Official title: How Not to Vampire
My title: Drugs, Sex and Vampires
Author: Rodney V. Smith
Publisher: Lost Bajan Books - BooksGoSocial
Fav character: Harry (I appreciate vampire snobbery)
Type: Book
Will I read the others? Nope
3.7/5

Lots of roaming, getting high, random vampires, stalking, cursing and lusting… little fantasy ☹️. Basically, a teen-aged boy’s drug-induced account of turning and living as a brand-new vampire. Expect sexy, hot and pretty women everywhere you turn, lots of randomly exposed boobs and nakedness and a stunted vocabulary… and yes, a heroine - who has blocked and issued a restraining order on the ‘hero’ - EHEM - needs to be rescued. 😬

Not terribly written, but in a candid and crude style that is not for everyone, we follow Bob the eternal screw-up on the last 6 months of his human life. A culmination of events, induced by alcohol, weed and heroine cause him to lose his life and spend the next three days pooing, vomiting and bleeding as he transforms.

Bob will awaken to hard and dangerous truths of being an ‘accidental’ vampire and will come to grips with his inability to deal with and manage his own life. In the midst of this drama, he will find enemies that hate him and prove that he lacks any modicum of common sense.

Sigh… Bob 🤦