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John Adam #1
John Adam: Samurai
John Adam lands in unexplored Japan with only his bare hands and naked nerve to help him survive in a land of fierce samurai and frolicsome geishas.
192 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1971
17 people want to read
About the author
Christopher Wood
100 books15 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.
Christopher Hovelle Wood was an English screenwriter and novelist, best known for the Confessions series of novels and films which he wrote as Timothy Lea. Under his own name, he adapted two James Bond novels for the screen: The Spy Who Loved Me (1977, with Richard Maibaum) and Moonraker (1979).
Wood's many novels divide into four groups: semi-autobiographical literary fiction, historical fiction, adventure novels, and pseudonymous humorous erotica.
Christopher Hovelle Wood was an English screenwriter and novelist, best known for the Confessions series of novels and films which he wrote as Timothy Lea. Under his own name, he adapted two James Bond novels for the screen: The Spy Who Loved Me (1977, with Richard Maibaum) and Moonraker (1979).
Wood's many novels divide into four groups: semi-autobiographical literary fiction, historical fiction, adventure novels, and pseudonymous humorous erotica.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
August 25, 2024
5 reasons why John Adam - Samurai is better than Shogun
1) I’ve actually finished it (DNFed Shogun 3 times)
2) It’s a quarter the length of Shogun
3) More sex
4) Came out first (4 years before Shogun)
5) Written by the guy who wrote the Bond movie Moonraker
1) I’ve actually finished it (DNFed Shogun 3 times)
2) It’s a quarter the length of Shogun
3) More sex
4) Came out first (4 years before Shogun)
5) Written by the guy who wrote the Bond movie Moonraker
May 26, 2025
I was as cold as a mermaid's quim. (p.94)
In all honesty, I am not sure if this book is meant to be a joke or not. The author apparently wrote the screenplay to Moonraker--an equally puzzling yet glorious work--and it's difficult to tell if the writing is bad on purpose, from sheer enthusiasm, or both.
From the back cover:
"John Adam landed in unexplored Japan with just his bare hands and naked nerve to help him survive in a land of fierce samurai and frolicsome geishas. But with the aid of native experts, he soon was master of both the devastating fighting skills and exotic arts of love that flourished in the mysterious East. From that point on, whether in hand-to-hand battle, or combat in the erogenous zone, John Adam, the greatest sensuous adventurer of them all, had all the equipment needed to come out on top!"
Wood was apparently present in English class on the day the teacher went over similes and then promptly dropped out, having discovered that was enough book learnin' for him. His resulting use of the English language is at once equal measures of mystifying, captivating, and repulsive. But wait--I am getting ahead of myself--let's discuss the plot first, shall we?
As a youth during the reign of "Queen Bess," John Adam is apprehended by a well-to-do merchant during a botched crime. The merchant decides he wants a son and promptly adopts John into the family. A few years later, John receives the boot after getting caught in bed with the daughter of the house. John subsequently ends up on a ship bound for "Japon" secretly shipping muskets, which are illegal arms in that country.
NearingJapan Japon, pirates attack the ship, seeking to acquire the illicit musket shipment en route. Everyone dies except John, obviously. A typhoon breaks up the attack and ship, and John is washed ashore. He awakens to a naked beauty taking a sandbath and chirping happily to herself. Upon discovering the peeping John, this beauty, Somi, takes him to a secret cave where her father, a Portuguese Catholic priest/missionary is hidden.
John speaks no Portuguese or Japanese, a point which is made by the author only to be retracted literally one page later when John can suddenly understand and speak fluent Japanese as the pirates come back to find the salvaged muskets which the priest has hidden.
The rest of the book entails John banging Somi, bath servants, housemaids, his lord's wife during a religious(?) orgy, Somi again, and anything else with a hole, while trying to kill the bad guys and make it home to England. There's an evil villain referred to as Square Root for no conceivable reason, a kooky lord with a harem of sexy lady boys, stoic samurais, and lots of similes. Speaking of which, let's get back to the writing.
First, what is a butterball? Is it a literal ball of butter? Is that even a thing? When would John ever have seen one? What is a platform of teeth? Is this a sleeping platform or a stage? What kind of shows would happen on a teeth stage? Are backstage explosions common--am I supposed to understand this reference??? Was this a natural combination that came to mind when Wood was writing about teeth in the weirdest word association game ever? I bet you're fun at parties, Wood.
I can just picture the smug little look on Wood's face when he wrote this. "Because he's Japanese! Get it! HIS EYES ARE DIFFERENT, GUYS. GUYS, DO YOU GET IT? Aw, you don't get it."
Again with the butter? Also, do people mound up their butter in piles on the floor? Have I been using my dairy products all wrong? Does rancid butter look significantly different than fresh butter? What qualities in the woman-pile specifically made her look like rancid butter?
Yeah...
I feel like "she scrambled to her feet" already explained the movement well enough, but since (unlike Wood, apparently) I didn't grow up on a dairy, I guess I missed the nuance added by specifying the bovine spirit of the movement.
WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?! Her hands were furry, had sharp little nails, and smelled bad? Also, the imagery of your underwear containing your most delicate bits, being ripped off by a pair of frenetic ferrets is absolutely terrifying. As for her opened fig--there's no standard way to "open" a fig, so I don't get what this is supposed to convey. Is it a fig sliced in half? Is it a fig someone has peeled? Does the fig have a bite out of it? Is the fig organic? I don't understand anything.
Do ships just spontaneously self-destruct? Is that a concern sailors have? Or is this really just an implied metaphor that his dick is an iceberg? Ninety percent of its mass is below the surface, baby...
In all honesty, I am not sure if this book is meant to be a joke or not. The author apparently wrote the screenplay to Moonraker--an equally puzzling yet glorious work--and it's difficult to tell if the writing is bad on purpose, from sheer enthusiasm, or both.
From the back cover:
"John Adam landed in unexplored Japan with just his bare hands and naked nerve to help him survive in a land of fierce samurai and frolicsome geishas. But with the aid of native experts, he soon was master of both the devastating fighting skills and exotic arts of love that flourished in the mysterious East. From that point on, whether in hand-to-hand battle, or combat in the erogenous zone, John Adam, the greatest sensuous adventurer of them all, had all the equipment needed to come out on top!"
Wood was apparently present in English class on the day the teacher went over similes and then promptly dropped out, having discovered that was enough book learnin' for him. His resulting use of the English language is at once equal measures of mystifying, captivating, and repulsive. But wait--I am getting ahead of myself--let's discuss the plot first, shall we?
As a youth during the reign of "Queen Bess," John Adam is apprehended by a well-to-do merchant during a botched crime. The merchant decides he wants a son and promptly adopts John into the family. A few years later, John receives the boot after getting caught in bed with the daughter of the house. John subsequently ends up on a ship bound for "Japon" secretly shipping muskets, which are illegal arms in that country.
Nearing
John speaks no Portuguese or Japanese, a point which is made by the author only to be retracted literally one page later when John can suddenly understand and speak fluent Japanese as the pirates come back to find the salvaged muskets which the priest has hidden.
The rest of the book entails John banging Somi, bath servants, housemaids, his lord's wife during a religious(?) orgy, Somi again, and anything else with a hole, while trying to kill the bad guys and make it home to England. There's an evil villain referred to as Square Root for no conceivable reason, a kooky lord with a harem of sexy lady boys, stoic samurais, and lots of similes. Speaking of which, let's get back to the writing.
His face was fat and round as a butterball and well endowed with lip spread out on a platform of teeth that looked as if they had narrowly avoided being totally expelled from the mouth by some explosion emanating from the back of the throat. (p. 109)
First, what is a butterball? Is it a literal ball of butter? Is that even a thing? When would John ever have seen one? What is a platform of teeth? Is this a sleeping platform or a stage? What kind of shows would happen on a teeth stage? Are backstage explosions common--am I supposed to understand this reference??? Was this a natural combination that came to mind when Wood was writing about teeth in the weirdest word association game ever? I bet you're fun at parties, Wood.
He accompanied this intriguing proposal by narrowing his eyes, which presented no great difficulty, as nature had given him a fair start in that direction. (p.117)
I can just picture the smug little look on Wood's face when he wrote this. "Because he's Japanese! Get it! HIS EYES ARE DIFFERENT, GUYS. GUYS, DO YOU GET IT? Aw, you don't get it."
Further probing revealed that it was a huge woman, quite bald as far as I could make out, and squatting on the floor like a mound of rancid butter. (p.142)
Again with the butter? Also, do people mound up their butter in piles on the floor? Have I been using my dairy products all wrong? Does rancid butter look significantly different than fresh butter? What qualities in the woman-pile specifically made her look like rancid butter?
Nomura’s laugh was easily recognisable for it sounded as if it was scraped off the back of his throat with a spoon handle. Somi and I sat quiet as church farts and hardly dared move (p.190)
Yeah...
She scrambled to her feet like a cow getting up and started to poke about in the darkness behind her. (p.143)
I feel like "she scrambled to her feet" already explained the movement well enough, but since (unlike Wood, apparently) I didn't grow up on a dairy, I guess I missed the nuance added by specifying the bovine spirit of the movement.
Her hands were like ferrets and they savaged my loincloth away... I pushed her back and in my turn settled myself down to chew her opened fig… Taisake’s wife was now shivering like a ship about to break up and her head near twisting off her body. (p.213)
WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?! Her hands were furry, had sharp little nails, and smelled bad? Also, the imagery of your underwear containing your most delicate bits, being ripped off by a pair of frenetic ferrets is absolutely terrifying. As for her opened fig--there's no standard way to "open" a fig, so I don't get what this is supposed to convey. Is it a fig sliced in half? Is it a fig someone has peeled? Does the fig have a bite out of it? Is the fig organic? I don't understand anything.
Do ships just spontaneously self-destruct? Is that a concern sailors have? Or is this really just an implied metaphor that his dick is an iceberg? Ninety percent of its mass is below the surface, baby...
December 24, 2024
Ok, I'll stick my neck out a bit for this. It's some good fun. Not going to win the Simu Liu Award for Racial Sensitivity anytime soon, so you zoomers stick to the latest romantasy, A Breakfast Of Nine Vitamins & Minerals or whatever. It's written by the guy who novelized a couple of Roger Moore Bonds and that's pretty much the key here.
It's not meant to be taken too seriously. It's about a good-natured cad getting into misadventures, both sexual and violent, in Samuraiworld. The thing is, where the Bond movies had Moore to make this all come off as charming and funny, John Adam just has Wood's wordplay, and it leaves something to be desired. A quick scan at other reviews will show you how he tends to communicate to the reader in curveballs rather than straight shots.
At one point, John Adam is sore from riding a horse continuously and complains that he feels like a novice monk. Wait, what? Do monks get ass-fucked a lot? Is that even a stereotype? Apparently, but that's one I don't think even ol' Rog could save, not even going full eyebrow.
But that does actually kinda help with the feeling that you're being narrated to by an eccentric old raconteur giving you half-bullshit stories of his travels. If you talked to someone from the 18th century, the conversation probably would be a nigh-impenetrable jargon of antiquarian slang and metaphor. They're not going to talk like Joss Whedon with an occasional "Zounds" thrown in, Marvel. Chris Hemsworth. Taika Waititi.
If there's a downside... you know, besides the casual racism, light misogyny, and honestly, probably just the title is triggering a lot of you, no judgment... it's that the story makes itself a bit TOO easy not to take seriously. The plot, once it gets going, situates John Adam between a good-guy clan and a bad-guy clan. The bad guys are properly loathsome, even if the foremost villain is given the bizarre moniker of Square Root (because he's... stocky? I guess), but the good guys aren't much to write home about.
John's mentor, Kushoni, is pretty cool; he's John's superior as a warrior throughout and never trains him to be some sort of super-ninja, so you see, this *is* woke! But instead of a wise old king type, he's serving an obese pervert, so it's hard to care whether he wins or the evil Square Root wins, besides Square Root being a jerk.
And it's not like the story makes a point of Kushoni being an honorable guy forced to serve a drip. It's just kinda limp, because so many of the characters are hosers and you're forced a bit too much to adopt John's worldview of "screw all these guys (except Kushoni), I'm getting mine."
I'm fine with a narrator who's a bit of an asshat, but I'd like there to be more of a distance between his cynical view of the world and how it actually is. That seems kinda the point of having an antihero protagonist, to me.
It's not meant to be taken too seriously. It's about a good-natured cad getting into misadventures, both sexual and violent, in Samuraiworld. The thing is, where the Bond movies had Moore to make this all come off as charming and funny, John Adam just has Wood's wordplay, and it leaves something to be desired. A quick scan at other reviews will show you how he tends to communicate to the reader in curveballs rather than straight shots.
At one point, John Adam is sore from riding a horse continuously and complains that he feels like a novice monk. Wait, what? Do monks get ass-fucked a lot? Is that even a stereotype? Apparently, but that's one I don't think even ol' Rog could save, not even going full eyebrow.
But that does actually kinda help with the feeling that you're being narrated to by an eccentric old raconteur giving you half-bullshit stories of his travels. If you talked to someone from the 18th century, the conversation probably would be a nigh-impenetrable jargon of antiquarian slang and metaphor. They're not going to talk like Joss Whedon with an occasional "Zounds" thrown in, Marvel. Chris Hemsworth. Taika Waititi.
If there's a downside... you know, besides the casual racism, light misogyny, and honestly, probably just the title is triggering a lot of you, no judgment... it's that the story makes itself a bit TOO easy not to take seriously. The plot, once it gets going, situates John Adam between a good-guy clan and a bad-guy clan. The bad guys are properly loathsome, even if the foremost villain is given the bizarre moniker of Square Root (because he's... stocky? I guess), but the good guys aren't much to write home about.
John's mentor, Kushoni, is pretty cool; he's John's superior as a warrior throughout and never trains him to be some sort of super-ninja, so you see, this *is* woke! But instead of a wise old king type, he's serving an obese pervert, so it's hard to care whether he wins or the evil Square Root wins, besides Square Root being a jerk.
And it's not like the story makes a point of Kushoni being an honorable guy forced to serve a drip. It's just kinda limp, because so many of the characters are hosers and you're forced a bit too much to adopt John's worldview of "screw all these guys (except Kushoni), I'm getting mine."
I'm fine with a narrator who's a bit of an asshat, but I'd like there to be more of a distance between his cynical view of the world and how it actually is. That seems kinda the point of having an antihero protagonist, to me.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews