Damaged Angels: An Adoptive Mothers Struggle to Understand the Tragic Toll of Alcohol in Pregnancy

by Bonnie Buxton

Part heartfelt memoir, part practical guide, Damaged Angels recounts Bonnie Buxton's struggles to raise an adopted daughter whom she didn't realize was afflicted with fetal alcohol disorder. Her book also offers guidance to parents who have children with FASD. By the time Bonnie's daughter Colette hit first grade, her parents were coping with her frequent stealing and lying, and the necessity of special education. At fourteen, she discovered drugs and sex; by eighteen, she was a crack addict living on the streets. After many frustrating years consulting numerous therapists, a TV news story gave Bonnie the answer she was looking for — and sent her on a quest for a diagnosis and help for Colette. Damaged Angels can aid and comfort all those affected by FASD — the most common cause of intellectual impairments in most industrialized nations — and reduce the number of babies born with this disorder in the future. The most important book on fetal alcohol disorder since Michael Dorris's The Broken Cord, Damaged Angels is a book for every parent, practitioner, and teacher working with a child with FASD.

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction, Memoir, Health

353 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[KRISTIN · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has so much information. Canada is definately way ahead of the USA regarding the topic of FASD. The research the author has done is incredible. She is an incredible person! Not enough high fives for her. As an adoptive parent myself without being told a lot of things, this book was very helpful and hopeful.

[Callahan McIlnay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had to read this book for school but really liked it. I learned so much about FASD even though some terms and such are a little outdated. I would recommend!

[Breanna Faish · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely a good resource for anyone going through this.

[Cynthia A Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

For any parent who has adopted, fostered or mentored a child of the system....or thought "just one glass of wine a day could be ok" - this book put it into perspective for us and helped change our style of parenting.

If you were to look at the kiddos and me out in a store you might think "That woman doesnt know how to control her children...." Little do you know the how damaged their brains are....because they LOOK normal. 5 kids born to two different mothers who heinously abused multiple drugs and alcohol during their pregnancies have compounded with ADHD, RAD, ODD and other delays. I realize addiction is a disease - and they couldnt do enough to help themselves out of it when they were carrying the kids. But ultimately, its the kids who are paying the ultimate price. As my little hearts grow older I can see them struggling and thinking its their fault that they cant control their rage, their lying, and have trouble with coping skills. I learned through this book how to respond to them and help diffuse situations as they occur and be supportive. Their father read the book too and its made an impactful difference in the way he parents too...

Thank you to author Bonnie Buxton for addressing an issue so near and dear to my heart.

[Violet · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an adoptive parent with a child who has FAE - confirmed only after adoption and after a few years in which everyone refused to accept that he had 'issues' - I believe this book should be mandatory reading for any potential adoptive parent. It should also be required reading for any woman who believes it's safe to consume alcohol - in any amount - while pregnant.

There are so many misconceptions about alcohol consumption during pregnancy. There are many more misconceptions about FAE and how it impacts on children and the adults they become later; there is so much that can be done to help children with FAE, but only if they're properly diagnosed.

This book - chock full of Canadian information - provides personal anecdotes from parents, and children, who are impacted in some way by prenatal alcohol consumption. It provides resources, diagnostic criteria, advice, and a lot of support options.

[ananasparachute · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book. Everyone should be required to read it at some point in their education. FASD is a real and growing issue within society, and something that has all too often been overlooked. Bonnie's very real and honest tale of her life with her adopted daughter, intertwined with others she meets, is gripping and will keep you interested as well as educated.
One critique i have is i don't think this family knows what "Cash strapped" ( a word she uses) really means. They buy a cabin to help their daughter, own a home in a beautiful district of Toronto and while it takes a "whopping chunk" of their salaries, manage to keep both girls in a fancy private school. Many people are far less privileged and wouldn't have been able to afford these things for their children. Their stories are also in the book, but recognition of her privilege would have been valuable.

[Dinah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well written, well-researched book. Engaging personal stories mixed with useful facts, supports and resources. Some of it is heartbreakingly sad, some of it is very enlightening. You may well find yourself thinking, "oh, that explains ______'s kid so well!"

If you ever hear a pregnant (or planning pregnancy) woman say "oh, a couple of drinks now and then don't hurt" or "I'm a very moderate drinker" or (gods forbid, the alcohol companies personal fave) "a glass of wine every day is good for you", then please please pass them this book.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

There just is not enough information about the horrible affects of fetal alcohol syndrome but this book helps. The author has hands on experience with raising a child she adopted that besides having learning/developmental problems has some physical issues and then due to depression along with other brain disfunctions turns to drugs...all before this loving mother finds out what is wrong and then the journey of research and doctor after doctor before getting help that works to some extent. It's a must read for anyone with children going through the affects of FAS.

[Karen Stock · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a great book for anyone who is thinking of adopting an FAS child or wanting to know more about FAS. What i like most about this book is that there are canadian stats in it.

Although the examples of FASD children she uses are extreme it certainly allows you to see that life with an fas child is not easy. FAS is a spectrum and everyone functions at different levels and continuims on a spectrum

FAS is real and real preventable

[Carly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was incredible. I think that anyone who works with people--kids or adults--should read this book. Nay, all should read this book because it dispells a lot of myths about alcohol and pregnancy.

For me, while reading this book, I was immediately able to think of students I have/have had who might have been undiagnosed. I really enjoyed reading the stories of these brave families--the only thing I wish it had more of was information about interventions.

[JoAnna Van Vleet · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is difficult to use positive words to describe a book that covers such a sad and tragic topic. But this was very good and necessary read, especially because it was during a time when we were awaiting an answer from CPS to find out if we would be adopting a little girl with FAS. It truly was a powerful and insightful book that was most helpful in educating myself more on this. It is a must read for any one in the foster/adoption/education/ circle of things.

[Carol Macdonald · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a continued education requirement read full of personal insight about parenting Fetal Alcohol Syndrome disabled children. Its main theme was the grief drinking causes in the unborn child, and society's denial of that preventable damage, but also offered some helpful advice for those who choose to raise those damaged, and challenging angels.

[Alison · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book about prenatal alcohol exposure. Very very interesting read. Also a very sad read. The author is the mother of daughter with FAE and she writes about her struggles as well as the struggles of other parents and their children and what could be done about it.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very informative Canadian resource. Statistics were well presented. Author does not sugar coat FASD, so be prepared for the cold harsh truth.
If the author had elaborated on the positive personal stories a little more, this would have been a 5/5

[Carrie]

parenting

[Lois Glenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent insight and factual information. You would have thought she was writing about my daughter. Opened my eyes and gave me peace in that 'this is my life with my fas daughter'!