3.5 stars.
Allie Simon meets Benji Zane, a Chicago chef renowned for his culinary skills and his cocaine addiction, and her life soon becomes subsumed by his. He claims to be clean, working the NA program, and desperately in love with Allie. Despite numerous people warning her not to get involved with an addict, she falls deeply for him and upends her life for him. When he is offered a job to start a new restaurant, she hands over her life savings as his buy in. Of course he goes off on a cocaine bender and leaves her to handle the fall out. She has to quit her dream job and help get the restaurant started while Benji is MIA. Now she must find her way in a world that she knows nothing about, and try to find herself in the process.
I found this book frustrating at times. It is told from Allie’s POV, so we always know what she is thinking. Unfortunately, for a seemingly bright young woman, she is incredibly stupid at times. Her whole relationship with Benji is so out of whack. It is a mega sensory experience for her, between the incredible food and the supposedly mind blowing sex. But she never looks out for herself, just him. She is a classic codependent, constantly thinking that she will be the one who can save him from his addiction through her love. She tries to control different aspects of his life, not understanding that he is, in fact, controlling her life. The book handles the issues that come from having a relationship with an addict very well, showing how destructive it can be to the addict and those who love them. Allie is incredibly naive when it comes to Benji’s addiction, and it was frustrating to watch her cut herself off from others in her life because of him.
It was also maddening to see her hand over her life savings for his dream. She seemed to have no sense of self preservation. I know that 25 is young, but not that young. And not necessarily that stupid. Before she met him, she was a savy, intelligent woman with a good professional job. When he leaves, she has no job, no savings and is emotionally broken.
One thing I really didn’t like in the book was all the f-bombs. I do understand that people talk like that, but at times it was just gratuitous and over the top. And I learned way too much about Allie and Benji’s sex life. Totally TMI.
The book does give the reader an eye opening look into the world of fine dining and the ins and outs of the restaurant world, which is a tough business. The book seemed to have a dual personality: Allie’s life with Benji, which was very dark, and her life after him as she toiled to help get the restaurant started, and remade her life, which was much lighter. There are some very interesting characters in the book besides Allie and Benji, and they helped make the book much more enjoyable.
I’m not sure who or what the title refers to: Benji, Allie or the hot mess they made of their lives. It’s not all doom and gloom, though. The ending is fairly satisfying, although totally unrealistic, on many levels. But since I don’t like spoilers, I’ll leave it at that.
The book is a little better than I expected while I was reading it, but not as good as I had hoped.