Shame Is an Ocean I Swim Across

by Mary Lambert

Beautiful and brutally honest, Mary Lambert's poetry is a beacon to anyone who's ever been knocked down―and picked themselves up again. In verse that deals with sexual assault, mental illness, and body acceptance, Ms. Lambert's Shame Is an Ocean I Swim Across emerges as an important new voice in poetry, providing strength and resilience even in the darkest of times.

Genres: Poetry, LGBT, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Queer, Audiobook, Feminism

176 pages, Hardcover

First published October 23, 2018

About the author

In 2012, Mary Lambert was working three restaurant jobs when her life changed. An aspiring singer-songwriter, cellist, spoken word artist, and newly graduated with a Bachelors of Music Composition from Cornish College of the Arts, she had begun to establish herself around Seattle, performing slam poetry and fusing a talk-singing style into her intimate performances. She received a phone call from a friend who was working with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis on their debut album, The Heist. Macklemore and Lewis were struggling to write a chorus for their new song, a marriage-equality anthem, called “Same Love”. Lambert had three hours to write the hook, and the result was the transcendent chorus to Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’ triple-platinum hit “Same Love,” which Lambert wrote from her vantage point of being both a Christian and a lesbian.

Writing and singing the hook led to two Grammy nominations for “Song Of The Year” and “Album Of The Year”, as well as the iconic performance alongside pop legend Madonna at the 2014 Grammys. Mary then signed with Capitol Records, where she released her debut album “Heart on My Sleeve” produced by Eric Rosse (Sara Bareilles, Tori Amos) and Benny Cassette (Kanye West). Her smash single, “Secrets” launched to No. 1 on the Billboard Dance charts, and was certified RIAA Gold in 2015. The New York Times called her debut album “refreshing and severely personal”.

Mary Lambert isn’t your typical pop artist. Inspired by confessional folk singers as well as spoken-word performers, she is a brutally candid writer who deals directly in her art with her past traumas. Lambert was raised in an abusive home, attempted suicide at 17, turned to drugs and alcohol before being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and survived multiple sexual assaults throughout her childhood. With that list of horrors, you wouldn’t expect Mary to be disarmingly joyful, but she charms effortlessly, and the effect on her audience is bewitching. She describes her performances as “safe spaces where crying is encouraged; My entire prerogative is about connection, about being present, and facilitating true catharsis. Also, fart jokes.”

Mary Lambert’s latest EP, Bold. is her first release since leaving Capitol Records, and was fully funded through a Kickstarter campaign that raised $20,000 in 8 hours, and closed at $70,000 in a few short weeks. The response was a true testament to the passionate communities she represents. Lambert produced 3 of the 7 tracks herself, including a touching duet with her mom, Mary Kay Lambert. “Bold. is a queer pop EP about being unabashedly yourself. I think that we are in an era where embracing and loving your real, complex self is radical, and this collection of songs epitomizes that belief.” Bold. will be available worldwide on May 5th.

Reviews

[Whitney Atkinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was splendid and honest and even evoked tears. It's not my new favorite collection, but its discussion of being fat--just one part of such a diverse collection--really spoke to me. I also really enjoyed her writing about sexual assault and mental health and fame, but I most closely related to her poetry about body image. It's hard to quantify this book into a star rating because I consumed it in two sittings and had a pleasant time reading it and underlined a lot of stanzas, but the writing style is a bit simplistic and rambly compared to my typical preferred style, even though she does write plenty of powerful statements and metaphors. Still, the cover of this and the majority of her work was so pretty, I would still recommend this!

[TK · Rating 4 out of 5]

AKA three hours of me sobbing

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Trauma walks into a bar, orders a whiskey neat...”

[anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

anyway, the audiobook for this is absolutely gorgeous


tw: incest, childhood sexual abuse, rape, attempted suicide, fatphobia

[Mariah · Rating 2 out of 5]

We spend our days in this macabre waltz
That because millions of people would break their legs to stand on a stage like this
That it is somehow not okay to cry

The thing about this type of poetry is it either hits home and shatters you or it is just sort of blah and you forget it as soon as you turn the page.

I really enjoyed a few of these, especially "It Does Not End", but I don't see myself picking this back up when I'm in a mood to be shattered by poetry.

[Jenny (Reading Envy)]

Tried but not for me. I am basically not interested in the entire sub-genre of trauma poetry especially read out loud to a musical accompaniment.

I want poets who come alongside me, not pull me in. Just a personal preference I'm realizing.

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

Brought in by the beautiful cover and title, didn't know she was also a musician. ("She Keeps Me Warm")

I think there is a lot to be said about opening yourself up, and writing this candidly, but man, I didn't really attach to any of these poems. The cover title is the most beautiful, lyrical thing about this work... and that's it. "Tips for Fat Girls," I also thought was good.

So hooray for talking about trauma and depression and queer experience, but my boy had it right - musicians can't write (good) poetry.

[Stay Fetters · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The fury comes like a wave of ashes and I pretend I am the biggest, most powerful fucking Phoenix and as my hands wrap around the coffee mug in the water I pretend to teleport through time and space to that night and circle around his neck and I say no a whole fuck ton louder than I did."

Powerful poetry about heavy subjects. Speaks from the heart and attacks your soul.

[Lia Strange · Rating 5 out of 5]

"the only parts i remember of my childhood
are lies i told myself to feel better"

creo que es mi poemario favorito. me encanta, la pase muy bien leyéndolo y hasta me hizo querer enamorarme y escuchar "lover" de taylor swift durante 7 meses seguidos.

"oh my truest love-
it is a privilage to miss you"
wey, yo quiero amar a alguien así. pero mas así:

"when you are gone,
i sleep with your hologram in a pillow dream"

[chantel nouseforaname · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, I mean there were moments where I rolled my eyes at some of the content here and there were moments where I high-fived the air where I wish Mary's hand was because some of her lines were so on point and deep for me. I highlighted numerous moments like that.

You can tell that Mary feels things deeply, especially things where her body and the body of others who are constantly dissected fits. I can fuck with that. I love those kinds of deep thoughts! The rest of her issues around being newly famous, about love and relationships, coming from a marginally struggling white lady with minimally critical, slightly navel-gazing issues, all that shit is kinda lost on me still.

[Emily Carter-Dunn · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most incredible poetry collection I've ever read. This completely blew me away.

Beautifully narrated, set to simple yet gorgeous music and powerful poems.

I know that poetry is very subjective, and I think I really connected to this collection due to having many things in common with Lambert.

Would definitely recommend.

[Emmkay · Rating 2 out of 5]

I respected the rawness of Mary Lambert’s poems - she writes about having experienced abuse as a young child, rape, body image and mental health issues. It reminded me of Milk and Honey, or Heartberries. Not my preferred style, but one that is likely to speak to many readers.

[maegan · Rating 2 out of 5]

“All I know of love is hunger.”

I feel bad for giving this a 2 but in all honesty I couldn’t really give it a 3.

I didn’t relate to any of the poems in this collection, which is totally MY problem, not the book’s.

The execution wasn’t my cup of tea. I liked some stanzas but overall I found them to be just average. Some of the poems also felt out of place and unexpectedly distracted me from the overall tone and feeling of the collection. A miss.

[lobelyys]

(dnf @ 44%) this is an autobiography by the author, so i'm not gonna say anything cause it would come off as mean. i'm gonna say only this, it absolutely felt like slam poetry, the cringy one imo. at a certain point i felt, in my head, the voice of terry crews speaking, to give me some joy, so this book is a big no for me.

[Alice · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5-3.75* because the poems I loved, I really, REALLY loved. It was also lovely listening to this on audiobook because I love Mary’s voice and I think it made me enjoy everything more than if I’d “only” read it.

[rachel, x · Rating 4 out of 5]

➸ Trigger warnings for queermisia, fatmisia & body shaming, paedophilia & child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault, incest (father-daughter), depression, self-harm, attempted suicide, suicidal ideation.

Blog • Trigger Warning Database • StoryGraph

[Izabelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Som vanligt när jag läser poesi så tycker jag att det är väldigt ojämnt. Vissa dikter är så bra medan jag inte ens förstår andra. Men det kanske hör till. Hur som helst har jag alltid känt igen mig i Mary Lambert och det är så mycket som hon skriver här som jag kan relatera till.

[ren · Rating 1 out of 5]

I actually DNF'ed this, but got too far not to count it as read.

Maybe this just wasn't for me?

[Karima chermiti · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trigger warning: Talk of incest, Child abuse, Sexual assault, Rape, Fatphobia, Attempting suicide

All I know of love is hunger

Shame Is an Ocean I Swim Across is a powerful and important collection of poetry that touches upon so many issues and themes and it’s written in the rawest, most honest, and hard-hitting way possible.

The only parts I remember of my childhood
are lies I told myself to feel better

The emotions were present in every single world and the collection really digs deep into various issues like sexual assault, body image and acceptance, and mental illness. Love is also a big part of the collection whether it was the love of a partner or the love of oneself.

Love is a mirror, a map, a lesson in unfixed gifts

Even though the whole collection was deeply emotional, I still enjoyed more poems more than others and I especially appreciated the ones talking about depression. With collections like these, It’s always hard to equally connect to each poem so it’s totally normal that I felt more invested and intrigued by some more than others.

My problem with this collection is that it didn’t feel like poetry as much as it should. I don’t know how to describe this feeling. Don’t get me wrong, the collection is brave and honest and moving and yet there’s that poetic feeling missing for me here. Honestly, it’s no big surprise, I always find it hard to connect fully with modern poetry.

Anyway, I still recommend this book. It deals with sensitive issues in a resilient and strong way. Just take a look at the trigger warning before picking it up.

I made myself a rose of clay around you, and now
I cannot fit the mold to a different cast,
love
my memory is a crooked wheel that perpetuates sadness
my memory is in love with you

[Hannah (hngisreading) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very difficult read. Raw. Not doing anything groundbreaking when it comes to form, but the audiobook was beautiful.

[Cassie Daley · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I never fixed myself, I am my own arduous endeavor
I light myself on fire for everyone"

This was so good. Loved it, highly recommend - but also check content warnings if you need them because it's got a lot of trauma and abuse talk in the poems, which can be hard for some folks without knowing what they're getting into.

"Have you tasted the blood from biting
your own lips because you
couldn’t say no loud enough?"

[Alex Nonymous · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary Lambert is an absolute icon when it comes to music, so obviously she also slays poetry. Shame Is an Ocean I Swim Across is told in poems and mediums that span a huge variety of styles but that are all unified with the undeniable emotion Lambert puts into every piece here. It's clearly deeply personal and unique to her own experiences, while also so human that it's impossible not to relate to her struggles and triumphs.

[rita ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unapologetically raw.

I love Mary Lambert and her poetry.

I definitely recommend the audiobook if you ever feel like crying for 2 hours and 35 minutes. It's read by Mary Lambert and it has music playing in the background, which makes these poems even more powerful and emotional.

[Ariyana H · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75*

This was a very good book. I connected with a lot of the poems. But the ending poems (like I’d say last 30 pages) were not my fav and kinda slowed down the reading process for me.

Here are my fav poems:
- 8
- your new girlfriend is pretty and I hate her
- brain conditioning
- grief is a sundress and I am starving
- the airport is Switzerland
- portrait of the lover as a Dali painting

That last poem and noted on the list was my favorite.

[Nathan Bartos · Rating 5 out of 5]

CW: rape, incest, self-harm, depression, suicide mention(s), anxiety
I am just so in love with everything Mary Lambert does. I didn't know there was an audiobook version until I was messing around on Scrib'd and just ended up stumbling across it. I'm so glad I did because Lambert is such a talented performer, and it was such a great surprise to get to hear her perform her poetry.
There are dark, emotional poems in here. There are happy, funny poems in here. But it never feels disjointed or random. This is just a beautiful, wonderful poetry collection that I will absolutely be returning to.
I honestly can't praise this collection enough; I will recommend it to anyone who feels a little too much and cries maybe a lot too much.

[Priscilla · Rating 4 out of 5]

The audiobook of this was amazing. Loved that they put music under it, and I could honestly listen to Mary's voice for a lifetime. There were many bits in this that really touched me, either because they were beautifully written or I could just recognise myself in them or both, but I also quite loved looking into the mind of someone I am not at all like.

[Georgia Call · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel 2 stars is unfair. Poetry is an art and everyone has their own preferences. This one didn’t just speak to me, but that shouldn’t stop someone else from giving it a read

[teddy · Rating 1 out of 5]

i don’t get tumblr poetry sorry

[Tammy V · Rating 5 out of 5]

By chance, browsing, I picked this up at the library. Finished it and ordered my own copy. Finding a new poetic voice is a glorious gift, a treasure, a treat. And this was chance.

How to review poetry?

Lambert writes ruthlessly, directly, searingly. She uses repeating motifs (you notice the recurrence as you read through the chapbook which gives you a pleasing 160+ pages to chew on). The theme is incest, gang rape, hating your body, and, yes, even love, and redemption. I know: depressing. But it isn't. Well, it is that these things happen so often. But she has turned her pain into poetry. Unselfconscious in that I didn't once thing: "oh, such beautiful language" - I was too caught up in the story that was unfolding in her poems.

I bought it so I can go back and try to figure out how she manages to pull me in and keep me there. One sitting. This is her first and only book of poems (and oh, it fell into my hands. Thank you, Angels). She is a singer/songwriter influenced by Tori Amos (who is is mentioned in one of the poems along with Sarah McLaughlin). You can look her up and listen. Pop. Not my cup of tea so I'm glad I found her before I found her music.

She made me think of Sharon Olds' darker work, but somehow there is light running through the whole work. I need to understand this!

If, like me, you like to taste new poets before you buy, I highly recommend seeing if your library has a copy.

Excerpts:
....Watch when you turn
my please don't into a knotted snake
around my neck, watch how your
teeth puncture my Every Morning,
the residual memorial of my body.
My please don't sits cross-legged in
an underwater arcade, slurred - but
Chris, know that they hear this
please don't in infinite heavens.
could you bring me another year? a
different body in the shape of a
red tulip field - Oh, God. this is the
part where I laugh because I can't
scream to shatter your bed, cannot kill my
father, cannot denounce the gift of
living or break you Chris: I can only
laugh high-pitched and maniacally,
curdle inside of the coffin of my
mind, can only survive....

****

love your body the way your mother loved your baby feet
and brother, arm wrapping shoulders, remember,
this is important:
you are worth more than you you fuck,
you are worth more than a waistline,
you are worth more than beer bottles
displayed like drunken artifacts,
you are no less valuable as a size 16 than a size 4,
you are no less valuable as a 32A than a 36C
you are worth more than any naked body
could problem in the shadows,
you are worth more than your father's
mistake or a man's whim, you sexiness is defined by
concentric circles with your wood - wisdom & truth
you are a goddamn tree stump
with leaves sprouting out:
reborn.

[connie · Rating 5 out of 5]

My review is LIVE on my blog; it's a very personal review, and contains some discussion of my own mental health and body image issues, but I hope it encourages more people to pick up this collection.

My Review <3