Changeable: How Collaborative Problem Solving Changes Lives at Home, at School, and at Work

by J. Stuart Ablon

A bold new way to help anyone change       Why is it so hard to change problem behavior—in our kids, our colleagues, and even ourselves? Conventional methods often backfire, creating a downward spiral of resentment and frustration, and a missed opportunity for growth. What if the thinking behind these old methods is wrong? What if people don’t misbehave because they want to, but because they lack the skills to do better? Or as renowned psychologist J. Stuart Ablon asks, what if changing problem behavior is a matter of skill, not will?   Based on more than twenty-five years of clinical work with juvenile offenders as well training parents, teachers, counselors and law enforcement, and supported by research in neuroscience, Changeable presents a radical new way of thinking about challenging and unwanted behavior -- Collaborative Problem Solving -- that builds empathy, helps others reach their full potential, and most of all really works.   With illuminating scientific evidence, remarkable success stories, and actionable insights, Changeable gives parents, teachers, CEOs and anyone interested in learning about why we behave the way we do a roadmap for helping people grow.    *Includes a Bonus PDF with charts and graphs.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Self Help, Psychology, Professional Development, Education, Audiobook

303 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 5, 2018

About the author

J. Stuart Ablon, Ph.D., is the Director of Think:Kids in the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital. He is also Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Dr. Ablon co-founded the Center for Collaborative Problem Solving where he also served as Co-Director from its inception until 2008. Dr. Ablon is co-author of Treating Explosive Kids: The Collaborative Problem Solving Approach and author of numerous articles, chapters and scientific papers on the process and outcome of psychosocial interventions. A dynamic and engaging speaker, Dr. Ablon was recently ranked #5 on the list of the world’s top rated keynote speakers in the academic arena.

Dr. Ablon’s research has been funded by, amongst others, the National Institute of Health, the American Psychological Association, the American Psychoanalytic Association, the International Psychoanalytic Association, the Mood and Anxiety Disorders Institute, and the Endowment for the Advancement of Psychotherapy. Dr. Ablon received his doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of California at Berkeley and completed his predoctoral and postdoctoral training at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. Dr. Ablon trains parents, educators, and clinicians and consults to schools and treatment programs throughout the world in the Collaborative Problem Solving approach.

Reviews

[Joshua Buhs · Rating 3 out of 5]

The approach is right; I appreciate the mantra--skill not will--and the few examples given are helpful. But the book doesn't really give the reader anything to dig into. Mostly, it's a brag, or an advertisement: the system works! It's helped lots of institutions! There's research! But not much more than that. Pity.

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

When someone isn’t acting in a desired way, one often goes to ideas like punishment, incentives, and consequences. The idea of punishment and reward as deterrents or motivators is deeply ingrained in our culture, but it often isn’t as effective as we think. In particular, punishment only works as a deterrent if people think deeply about what they are doing. Ablon asks us to consider the idea that people who act poorly don’t do it out of some desire to defy authority or reach some goal, but because they lack the skills to apply an appropriate response. His answer for how to change behavior in cases where the issue is skill, not will, is collaborative problem solving (CPS)

Ablon calls Collaborative problem-solving “Plan B”, as opposed to Plan A, which is about imposing your will, and Plan C, which is letting someone do what they want. While each has its place, Albon explains that we often pursue other options (mostly Plan A), and we’d do better in terms of long-term results to consider CPS more often.

Collaborative Problem is a straightforward-sounding, 3-step approach:
• Step 1: Empathize—clarify their concerns.
• Step 2: Share your own concerns.
• Step 3: Invite the other person to brainstorm solutions with you, so that you can arrive at one that is both practical and mutually satisfactory. It is an approach for seeking solutions.
As you might guess, it’s not always as easy as it seems to apply this process, and the book is a guide to how to apply this approach in various contexts, including parenting, the classroom, the workplace, the criminal justice system, and tense conversations with friends, family, and neighbors.

Don’t confuse this approach with a lack of accountability or strictness. Ablon’s point is that if your goal is to change behavior, then applying punishment (or even incentives) doesn’t work. He points to data around recidivism in the criminal justice system, challenges with behavior in schools, and in the workplace.

I really liked this book. It gave me a framework for understanding the dynamics in my experiences as a parent, manager, colleague, and participant in policy discussions. While applying CPS well takes practice, reminding yourself that disagreeable behavior is more about a lack of skill than willful action can be a powerful way to avoid unnecessary conflict and effect change.

[Emma Rodriguez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye-Opening and Challenging Approach

I’ve always been a little hesitant towards approaches to challenging kids or situations with “gentle parenting” techniques, and I’ve been traumatized by the many positive reinforcement “strategies” that were presented to me as a public school teacher.

The collaborative problem solving approach, to me, introduces a happy medium that treats kids as real humans worthy of being heard, seen, loved, and not blamed for their behavior. How can we expect them to behave in a certain way if they have not been modeled or taught?

As a microschool owner, CPS will definitely be a part of how we solve problems, TOGETHER.

[Jeannie Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Must-Read for Parents and Professionals

Having been trained in grad school with the traditional discipline approach, and seeing it fail with certain kids, this book fills in the reason WHY that happens. I’ve been able to think through past conflicts with dangerous clients (who were not able to access a certain skill at that particular time) and how I might have deescalated things using the Plan B model of collaborative problem solving. “Skill, not will” instead of “might makes right” will be my new mantra when dealing with “difficult” people.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and the different examples that were brought in in relation to how sometimes we just need a different approach on solving problems or those tough behaviors. Having more compassion and understanding of alternative approaches when working with outbursts, and others that often times dismiss as lazy or not willing to change.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great for the parenting and work toolbox

So many people can be difficult to understand but having Plan B in the toolbox is a great thing. CPS can work and can be used in many situations. Great for use with ADHD,ODD, difficult coworkers, ....learning that everyone is deficient in some skills and bettering how to work together to solve problems.

[Sienna · Rating 4 out of 5]

A wonderful perspective changer. Skill not will: most folks don't cause harm willfully but because of lack of experience & ability. Collaborative problem solving requires & teaches empathy, patience, & understanding. An enjoyable listen.

[Lisa Eirene · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a practice we are currently trying to learn and use with our kid. I think it's a good concept. I struggle with the abstract aspect of it, but I think it just needs practice. Overall it's a great way to try and interact with people in general.

[Andria Stichter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went to a PD event last year about collaborate problem solving and reading this now did not disappoint. I love learning how adult to child interactions carry so much impact towards brain/skill development. I love this style of problem solving and I’ve loved using it with kids!!

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have read about understanding children and fostering their development.

[Matt Busche · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first five chapters were excellent, the last two were mostly recaps of the first five.

[Jacob Olson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The concept of collaborative problem solving is excellent. Looking for a win-win is key!

[Kathryn Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was great. Hoping it will be helpful both as a parent and school teacher.

[Sara Goldenberg · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe some of his suggestions will work some of the time.