The Compassionate Connection: The Healing Power of Empathy and Mindful Listening

by David Rakel

“This book explains not only the healing power of compassionate human connection, but in the most accessible and practical ways, how to cultivate our capacity to create that connection and thereby empower others to find their best selves.”—John Makransky, author of Awakening through Love

All of us have an innate capacity for compassion. We recognize when others are hurting, and we want to help, but we’re not always good at it. There is another way. In The Compassionate Connection, Dr. David Rakel explains how we can strengthen our bonds with others—all the while doing emotional and physical good for ourselves.

As founder and director of the University of Wisconsin Integrative Medicine program, Dr. Rakel discovered that we become the most effective helpers when we use the tool of human connection. Drawing on his own research and practice, as well as thirty years of published studies in medicine, sociology, psychology, meditation, and neuroscience, Dr. Rakel "stacks the deck" in favor of healing and introduces the concept of bio-psycho-spiritual authentic awareness. Not only are our bodies and minds connected, but also it has been scientifically proven that our capacity to feel beauty, awe, and compassion enhances our health and wellbeing.

In The Compassionate Connection, Dr. Rakel provides an innovative approach to enhancing health in others and strengthening relationships through the art of connecting. These tools guide us to improve our connections—whether between doctor and patient, husband and wife, parent and child, or boss and employee—and live with clarity, wisdom, and good health.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships, Self Help, Communication, Social, Audiobook

288 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 17, 2018

Reviews

[Marilyn McEntyre · Rating 4 out of 5]

Among many recent studies of empathy, mindfulness, and compassion in medical care, this one is particularly memorable. The writer, founder of the program in integrative medicine at the University of Wisconsin, cites a wide range of encouraging cases in which deliberate attention to that dimension of caregiving has made a measurable difference in patients' well-being and rate of healing. Along the way he shares insights from his own years of practice, including, humbly, personal failures to communicate well from which he learned the importance of deepening his listening and sharpening his awareness of what is exchanged between patient and caregiver. Kindness, full attention, open-ended questions and appreciation of patients' subjective experience can be learned and cultivated, he believes, and are indispensable to good clinical care. The book is convincing, inspiring, and personal enough in places to read more like an autobiography than an argument.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up from the new nonfiction shelf at the library because it seemed like it might have insights for improving my listening practice. It started strong, and I was eager to learn the doctor's concrete recommendations for effective listening. That's where the book faltered. Most of the how-to involved platitudes and vague recommendations.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think everyone should read this book, but especially anyone in heathcare or planning on going into that field. It really opens your eyes to how much connecting to people means and how much it will do to take the time and hear someone. So important, especially these days when we have a barrier of cell phones to break down before being able to make eye contact with someone. While it got a bit repetitive (as these kind of books usually do), it was full of relevant anecdotes and studies to bolster the authors point. He also talks about mindfulness and being present in the moment, which can translate from patient care to your every day life. I really enjoyed this read.

[Debra Golden · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this useful
Lots of 'spoilers here.
This was part of my study leave for reading on spiritual practices that affect our health. The author share his experiences with deep listening to (and not) his patients and relates them to many scientific studies. I especially appreciate his tips and insights. He directs fellow professionals in caring fields (medicine, social work, etc.) - to be quiet and listen.
Looking at people while listening is critical. When one feels listened to it helps physically as well as emotionally. Dr. Rakel share data on mind body connections and the influence of stress, connections or lack thereof, and opportunities to share deeply.
Here are a few things patients offered as positive actions.
To help other one can simply listen (and put the urge to give advice or judge on hold), give a hug (ask first), be patient, cook or share a meal, share and accept their emotions - it's okay to feel, sit with someone, don't avoid someone, and just be there.
He has advice on helping yourself and not burning out (important for caregivers) such as identifying your personal biases (they can trigger stress), release them, be intentionally present, body language, mindfulness, etc.
The 'loving kindness mindfulness meditation' is one I will use and share.

[Firmansyah Purwanto · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must read!

[ALL · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although the book had a lot of good and helpful information, I felt like he reduced empathy, which depends a lot on authenticity, to a lab rat. Studies are important but humans are more than a number. Empathy should be authentic and not simply a bed side manner tactic or a research subject.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is specifically aimed at healthcare professionals and those caring for an ill or hurting individual, but offers much useful information for everyone. Rakel's own and others' research reveals that our bodies are greatly affected by our minds, giving new, more accurate meaning to the terms "placebo" and "psychosomatic." He explains techniques to help ourselves and others release the powers of healing that we have in our selves in real physical and physiological ways. Helpful to all caregivers and to anyone who wants to experience the benefits of having deep connections with others. Not touchy-feely, but rather a wake-up call to how whole human beings work.

[Kimberlee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not sure where this book was recommended to me, but I am very glad that it was and that I followed up on the recommendation. It combines science with practical teachings. The author shares personal anecdotes of his own medical practice and how he has used empathy and mindfulness with his patients. It is well paced and very interesting. I have shared from it to colleagues on the topic of resilience and burnout. My book is underlined and marked. I expect I will reference again in days to come. Having what makes the difference between being invigorated and being burned out in caring for others explained in such a comprehensive way was worth the price of admission.

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recommend this book for health care providers and really ALL caregivers. Wait Strike that, I recommend this read for everyone. It may inspire you in your daily life as a friend, co-worker and citizen. It is interesting to learn how to better support people when friends are hurting, ill or in any kind of distress. And, since compassionate care starts with self-care you may find this helpful on a personal level too. Thanks.

[Letha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Still soaking up the beauty that is this book. As a person called to healing work, currently in training for another level of practice, this resonated so deeply. An affirmation on every page for the power of compassionate presence in the face of suffering, as well as the absolute necessity for personal contemplative practice so as to maintain the capacity to hold clear, loving space, without mucking up critical boundaries. A must read for anyone in the healing arts.

[Joanne Mcleod · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well researched review of the importance of mindfulness in clinical practice, and the healing power of effective caregiver communication. This compassionate connection not only serves in healing the patient, but can aid in prevention of caregiver burnout through helping foster true empathy and healing. A recommended read for any physician or caregiver wanting to provide the best possible care, healing, and strengthening of health-promoting relationships.

[Jack · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be required reading for many professionals. One of the best books on relational care that I have read. Made me stop and think about many people I have met over the years. Encourage your pastor and doctor to read this!

[Lucas Frey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book ! Perfect if you are a clinician or physicist, which I am not but I still found a lots of useful information in it. Strongly recommend if you need to have a refresher of how to use empathy to connect with others.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book would be extremely useful to caregivers, nurses and doctors. For me, it was interesting but not exactly what I thought it would be, and I wasn't the target audience. There was some useful information for everyone, but most of it is geared towards the medical field.

[Amie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Definitely more academic and geared toward the medical profession. However I'll use a few tips and apply them to my pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.

[Gigi · Rating 4 out of 5]

gosh oh golly people want to be heard and cared about.

[Deborah De · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book.

[Jae · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book completely transformed how I interact with my emotions, how I eat and I perceive the world. It was brilliant and highly recommended. Compassion is the key.

[Angie Gilbert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book, science based evidence!!

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brilliant book. Fantastic listen. And gave me so much more information and understanding.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Lovely book

[~ laura ~ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is aimed towards those working as medical caregivers, not the average layperson looking to up their compassion game. Didn’t get much out of it.

[Amy Colbert · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

A combination of stories and research on how being connected helps us heal. I think everyone, especially healthcare professionals and caregivers can benefit from this book and its insights.

[Delaine Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Med school book club: a helpful piece to remind ourselves how to be present with patients and how reciprocal kindnesses heal all of us.

[Eden Deez · Rating 4 out of 5]

it was kind of like deep and stuff

[Susy Schultz · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amazing take on medicine — where it is and more importantly where it should be.