The Person You Mean to Be: How Good People Fight Bias

by Dolly Chugh, Laszlo Bock (Foreword)

“ an engaging, evidence-based book about how to battle biases, champion diversity and inclusion, and advocate for those who lack power and privilege. Dolly Chugh makes a convincing case that being an ally isn’t about being a good person—it’s about constantly striving to be a better person.”  —Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Give and Take, Originals, and Option B with Sheryl Sandberg

Foreword by Laszlo Bock, the bestselling author of Work Rules! and former Senior Vice President of People Operations at Google

An inspiring guide from Dolly Chugh, an award-winning social psychologist at the New York University Stern School of Business, on how to confront difficult issues including sexism, racism, inequality, and injustice so that you can make the world (and yourself) better.

Many of us believe in equality, diversity, and inclusion. But how do we stand up for those values in our turbulent world? The Person You Mean to Be is the smart, "semi-bold" person’s guide to fighting for what you believe in.

Dolly reveals the surprising causes of inequality, grounded in the "psychology of good people". Using her research findings in unconscious bias as well as work across psychology, sociology, economics, political science, and other disciplines, she offers practical tools to respectfully and effectively talk politics with family, to be a better colleague to people who don’t look like you, and to avoid being a well-intentioned barrier to equality. Being the person we mean to be starts with a look at ourselves.

She argues that the only way to be on the right side of history is to be a good-ish— rather than good—person. Good-ish people are always growing. Second, she helps you find your "ordinary privilege"—the part of your everyday identity you take for granted, such as race for a white person, sexual orientation for a straight person, gender for a man, or education for a college graduate. This part of your identity may bring blind spots, but it is your best tool for influencing change. Third, Dolly introduces the psychological reasons that make it hard for us to see the bias in and around us. She leads you from willful ignorance to willful awareness. Finally, she guides you on how, when, and whom, to engage (and not engage) in your workplaces, homes, and communities. Her science-based approach is a method any of us can put to use in all parts of our life.

Whether you are a long-time activist or new to the fight, you can start from where you are. Through the compelling stories Dolly shares and the surprising science she reports, Dolly guides each of us closer to being the person we mean to be.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Social Justice, Race, Business, Audiobook

325 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 4, 2018

About the author

Dolly Chugh (she/her, hear my name) is a social psychologist and management professor at the New York University Stern School of Business where she teaches MBA courses in leadership and management. Because of Dolly’s teaching skills, she was one of six professors chosen from thousands at New York University to receive the Distinguished Teaching Award in 2020 and one of five to receive the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Faculty Award in 2013.

Dolly’s research focuses on “bounded ethicality,” which she describes as the “psychology of good people.” Her work has been published in the leading psychology, economics, and management journals, and cited by many books and authors. She has been named an SPSP Fellow, received the Academy of Management Journal Best Paper award, been named one of the top 100 Most Influential People in Business Ethics by Ethisphere Magazine, and received many other research honors.

Dolly is best known for her two books The Person You Mean to Be: How Good People Fight Bias (HarperCollins, 2018) and A More Just Future: Psychological Tools for Reckoning with our Past and Driving Social Change (Simon & Schuster, 2022).

Her work has received rave praise from Adam Grant, Angela Lee Duckworth, Liz Wiseman, Billie Jean King, Kenji Yoshino, and many others. It has been covered on the TODAY Show, the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, the Atlantic, the 10% Happier Podcast, the goop Podcast, NPR, Dr. Phil, and other media outlets.

Dolly’s TED Talk was named one of the 25 Most Popular TED Talks of 2018 and currently has almost 5 million views.

Prior to becoming an academic, Dolly worked at Morgan Stanley, Merrill Lynch, Sibson and Company, Scholastic, and Time Inc. Dolly attended Cornell University where she majored in psychology and economics for her undergraduate degree and Harvard University for her MBA and PhD.

Follow me on LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/dolly-chugh/

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Reviews

[Dolly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, I am not really unbiased ;-)

[Jerome Kern · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although peppered with engaging personal anecdotal stories, “The Person You Mean To Be,” by Dr. Dolly Chugh is, at its core, an evidence-based recipe book for getting over the psychological inertia that keeps you at rest, helping you move from “thinking about how to be a better person” to actually “becoming a better person.”

I like to think of myself as a good person. We all do, right? Recently, though, it has become harder for me to square that self-image with my lack of tangible action against the problems I see in the world. If you, like me, use “Yes, but what can I *do*?” as justification for standing still, then this book is for you. It makes you uncomfortable in the best possible way, and gives you concrete steps to take to use that discomfort to learn and grow - to become the person you’ve always meant to be.

[Robin Schachter · Rating 5 out of 5]

POW! This book hit me between the eyes, in the heart and in the gut. Dr. Chugh combines wit and wisdom to help all of us notice - and start to SEE - the myriad inequalities, oppression and imbalances people in our world experience. And then, with stories, hints, suggestions and questions, all grounded in her up-to-the-minute research, she teaches us how to LEARN and start to ACT in ways that can make a difference. This book's clear writing style and the author's personal perspective makes the world of research on bias accessible and actionable for us ordinary people who think we are doing our best to combat prejudice in our work places, homes, social lives and online interactions. I grimaced in recognition of many of the mistakes I have made "with the best of intentions" in my interactions with people with different backgrounds/gender/sexuality/culture/race/religion/health situations than mine. Thankfully, I also found hope and encouragement from Dr. Chugh's guidance on how small shifts in understanding, listening, and acting can help me always strive to be and do better. I expect I will reread this book frequently as I learn to appreciate its lessons and try to continuously improve. "The Person You Mean to Be" would be an excellent choice for any workplace or social book club.

[Hope · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up. There is some GREAT info in here, no doubt. Lots of research and it's put together well. My issue comes from some twitching I did at various parts - just opportunities in some of the anecdotal stories that could have educated the reader more and centered BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color) voices. For example, there's a story of a woman using the n word and a Black woman overhearing this White woman use the slur. The slur was reported and the White boss, who was the focus of this story, addressed the slur with the person who used it even though "I know she didn't mean anything by it" and at the end of the day although he was "vocal about my path to fire her" if she didn't take the feedback well, she ultimately stayed on because the way she took the feedback met what he was looking for. The story ends with "In the end, it was a big learning moment for her. I cannot see her ever saying that again." Groan. What about the Black woman who overheard the slur? What was the impact on her? Wouldn't it have been important to address impact here when we are wanting readers to understand impact vs intention? The Black woman who is impacted by this slur is completely erased after she serves her role in the story (being harmed by a racial slur and providing learning opportunities for the White folx).

So anyway, there were a few more similar moments in the reading for me - just a lot of centering of Whiteness - which impacted my overall rating. That being said, I do think there is a lot of really valuable insight in this book but just be aware that it's not perfect.

[Jeff Wilser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading for anyone between the ages of 13 and 90. That’s not a joke. Every day, it seems like there’s an even more depressing story in the news. Racism. Sexism. Religious intolerance. Real people are being hurt. These are tough, uncomfortable topics, and as a straight white guy who wants to do the right thing, I’m never really sure what, exactly, I should be saying or doing.

Dolly Chugh’s fascinating, smart, thoughtful book is a welcome light in this darkness, and it has helped me answer (or at least better understand) many of these tricky questions. Her discussions of implicit bias and “headwinds and tailwinds,” for example, are the most lucid I’ve ever seen. The scope and depth of her research is staggering. I love that she’s one of the pioneers in this field, she speaks with authority from firsthand experience, and the interviews with other experts are consistently fantastic. It helps that her writing style is approachable and entertaining—this book is somehow a page-turner. (There are even jokes!)

The world needed this book. Don’t miss it.

[Kris Patrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m sorry, friends. I won’t be lending this one. It stays on my desk.

[Rob McQueen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this as part of a book club. As a book-club book, it opens the conversation to topics that might not otherwise reveal themselves. In this way, I'd recommend the book.

However, I found the book itself to be too simplistic in its arguments. It presupposes what it means to be "good" and argues from the outset that we all want to be good people. It further argues that we should aim to be on the right side of history. Such statements are devoid of normative content. The Nazis said the same thing. She does attempt to justify goodness in some ways, but it comes mostly from scientific studies. Scientific studies are useful for solving problems that have pregiven value substance. But value itself cannot be derived from scientific studies standing from the objective "out of this world" viewpoint. There's a fact-value distinction. For example, if behavior X is exhibited, it leads to outcome Y. But why is outcome Y good? Because it produces outcome Z? But then why outcome Z good? In the end, (in my opinion) value must be conferred upon by the individual.

Even more so, the book uses the strategy that if you "don't get it", then you're simply not listening. It makes your impetus to engage with the world an origin for the act of guilt. And it's personally difficult for me to come to a conversation when the context is "otherwise you should feel guilty."

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Person You Mean to Be is an extraordinary book that helped me answer questions I’ve been grappling with for a long time. I am a true believer in equity, diversity and inclusion but have often found myself paralyzed by fear, discomfort and/or the sheer enormity of the problems facing the world. As hard as it is to admit, I have let too many opportunities slip by having done nothing to be a part of the solution. The Person You Mean to Be helped me stop beating myself up about it and showed me that there are things I can do each and every day to take meaningful action to fight injustice. It provided specific, tangible ways I can use my own privilege and power to make a difference. This book has changed the way I think and most importantly, it has changed the way I live my life. I am a total work in progress, but this book was the jumping off point I needed to activate my own growth mindset and set me on a path toward becoming meaningfully more active and impactful on the world around me.

In addition to being so incredibly useful, practical and inspiring, Dolly Chugh is also one of the most engaging, endearing and charming authors I’ve read. I loved this book so much I bought 5 more copies for friends and family. I can’t recommend this book highly enough.

[Lorri Perkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

That feeling. When a bunch of fragmented, private thoughts and uncomfortable conversations come together and suddenly begin to make sense… that is this book. Dolly Chugh did an amazing job of combining stories, research data and her insight to help me see things in a different light.
This book is not a lecture. This book is an accomplished thinker and builder extending her hand to help us all. If you’ve ever thought that our societal, systemic issues of bias are overwhelming and bigger than you, and that your individual efforts would get lost in the storm, this book brings perspective and hope that we can all make a difference. One day at a time.
Give yourself the gift of this book. It won’t be one of those gifts that delights and makes you feel giddy. It is the gift of growth, self-awareness and hope… with a stomach-ache. I leave this book with greater intention and so appreciate the tools and suggestions Dolly Chugh offers. She makes it ok to start wherever you are… helps us judge ourselves and others less. She teaches us that this is not an ‘all or nothing’ game. Just put in the work to be better… closer to the person you mean to be.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m the target audience for this book- a white, good intentioned woman. In this book, Chugh moves through the good intentions and biases that people carry and explains the negative impact on people of color using anecdotes. I repeatedly thought: I do that, I do that...and she gave growth inducing feedback of how to grow. It allowed some incredible self reflection. I’m so grateful I read it.

[Jung · Rating 2 out of 5]

"The Person You Mean to Be: How Good People Fight Bias" by Dolly Chugh delves into the intricate realities of unconscious bias and offers insights into how individuals can combat these biases to foster a more inclusive society. Chugh draws from psychological studies and real-life examples to illustrate how unconscious biases manifest in everyday interactions and decision-making processes. Through the exploration of growth mindset, privilege, racial identity consciousness, and inclusive practices, Chugh provides a comprehensive framework for understanding and addressing unconscious bias. Here's a detailed summary of the key themes and actionable advice from the book:

1. Understanding Unconscious Bias: Chugh highlights the prevalence of unconscious bias, which influences individuals' perceptions and behaviors without their awareness. She discusses how unconscious biases, such as racial and gender biases, can impact decision-making processes, perpetuate stereotypes, and contribute to inequality.

2. Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset: Chugh contrasts the concepts of growth mindset and fixed mindset, emphasizing the importance of embracing a growth mindset characterized by openness to learning and self-improvement. She illustrates how individuals with a growth mindset are more likely to challenge their biases and pursue opportunities for personal and professional growth.

3. Privilege and Denial: The book explores the concept of privilege and how individuals may deny or downplay their own privilege, particularly regarding race, gender, and socioeconomic status. Chugh discusses research findings that reveal how privileged individuals may perceive their upbringing as more challenging than it actually was and emphasizes the need for self-awareness and acknowledgment of privilege.

4. Measuring Unconscious Bias: Chugh discusses methods for measuring unconscious bias, such as Implicit Association Tests (IATs), which reveal individuals' implicit associations and preferences. She highlights the surprising results of IATs, which often challenge individuals' perceptions of their own biases and underscore the pervasive nature of unconscious bias.

5. Overcoming Unconscious Bias: The book offers strategies for addressing unconscious bias, including fostering a deeper understanding of racial identity consciousness and challenging stereotypes and assumptions. Chugh emphasizes the importance of actively listening to diverse perspectives, sharing credit equitably, and promoting inclusivity in both personal and professional settings.

6. Responsibility of Privileged Individuals: Chugh emphasizes the responsibility of privileged individuals, particularly white males, in combating unconscious bias and promoting diversity and inclusion. She discusses research findings that suggest privileged individuals are more likely to influence positive change and challenge bias when they actively engage in allyship and advocacy efforts.

7. Media Consumption: The book provides actionable advice on being more selective about media consumption to counter unconscious bias. Chugh recommends engaging with inclusive media that accurately represents diverse perspectives and experiences, thereby expanding individuals' understanding and empathy.

In summary, "The Person You Mean to Be" offers a thought-provoking exploration of unconscious bias and provides practical guidance for individuals seeking to confront and address bias in themselves and others. By fostering a growth mindset, acknowledging privilege, and promoting inclusivity, individuals can work towards creating a more equitable and compassionate society.

[Morgan Grace Steele · Rating 5 out of 5]

Adding this one to my Higher Ed bookshelf FOR SURE. A tough read, an uncomfortable read, and a read that made me really evaluate my behavior and my thought processes in regard to racism, sexism, and bias in general. Here’s to being a builder! (I did read this book entirely in 1 day and it was assigned for class - thank you Dr. K!)

[Rick · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I had hoped that [good people] would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress."*

Martin Luther King wrote those words in his Letter From a Birmingham Jail in 1963. More than 50 years later, many of those same dams still exist - and even though many of us think of ourselves as good people, if we're honest, we're often much more focused on our own day-to-day challenges than we are on finding ways to encourage social progress.

Dolly's book attacks that challenge head-on, and provides a blueprint for how we can be more aware of challenges others face, more likely to engage those challenges, and more capable of using our privilege in ways that produce a more positive outcome. Throughout the book, I felt inspired to look for ways to make a positive impact in my own day-to-day interactions. Just as importantly, Dolly does a fantastic job highlighting common mistakes people make - often with the best intentions - that can frustrate progress.

I am certain that anyone reading this book will come away recognizing behaviors in themselves that they can improve on, that they will be inspired to pursue potentially uncomfortable conversations / experiences in the hopes of learning about those around them and their challenges. Throughout, the book blends anecdotes (see my disclosure below, btw) with years of research that will give even the most skeptical reader confidence that progress is not only possible, it's likely.

* Dr. King didn't say "good people". He said "the white moderate". He was specifically calling attention to the vast majority of whites in the early 60s who were generically in favor of civil rights, but often specifically opposed to the methods and tactics chosen by those most affected by the lack of civil rights. For purposes of this quote (and given the focus of Dolly's book more broadly), it felt appropriate to swap out the generic 'good people' without altering the meaning of what he was saying.

Full disclosure: I'm one of the people Dolly profiles in her book. I'm recommending the book in spite of that, not because of that. :)

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a time where bias, privilege, marches and riots have become part of our day to day lives, Dr. Dolly Chugh has come along with a “how to” book to navigate this very complicated world in which we live.

I have thought of myself as empathetic to those who fall into minority groups. However, in my reading of "The Person You Mean To Be," in which Chugh illustrates, through a series of interviews and vignettes, how bias and privilege affect even the most tolerant of us, I have learned that even those of us with the best intentions have much room to grow.

I am in the unique position of being among the vulnerable and the privileged, simultaneously. I am white, which affords a safeness my non-white friends can only imagine. I am a woman, which makes me more vulnerable to harassment than my male friends. These are both obvious to strangers on the street. Less obvious are my financial situation (affluent) and my sexual orientation (gay), both of which come with positives and negatives, but can be manipulated as I deem necessary based on different situations. This complicated canvas on which my life is painted affords me the ability to understand people from many walks of life. But it also gives me the convenience to blend in when I don’t have the energy to stand up to inequalities. Dr. Chugh has opened my eyes to the ways in which I have become complacent, and how I can do more to end that complacency. 


"The Person You Mean To Be" is so timely and becoming more important by the day in our ever changing society. Read it, study it, and apply it.

[Allie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This culmination of research and interviews is an approachable, evidence-based work that does a good job of coaxing the reader into awareness without judgement or reprimand. The aspirational undertones of fighting bias and making the world better for marginalized people is substantiated with tangible action items and relatable examples from different walks of life. Understanding that there is a gap between who "good people" are and who "good people" want to be is foundational to this book; but also understanding that fighting bias and overcoming our own psychology can be learned, practiced, and mastered is revolutionary. We exercise to improve our hearts. We read to expand our minds. We take lessons to have a great tennis serve-- this book is the crucial first step in building a regimen for overcoming complacency and holding ourselves accountable for being the person we'd like to think we already are.
It's a great gut-check and conversation starter-- it's definitely a book that should be read and socialized among friends and allies so that we force ourselves to push through the getting started phase and into the important work of becoming the person we mean to be.

[Janelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this for a book discussion at work and really enjoyed it. Chugh adeptly weaves together personal stories with psychological concepts, and does so in a way that is engaging, accessible, and non-threatening (an important tone if you want to bring a book into a primarily white workspace).

I found her distinction between "light" and "heat" to be helpful, as well as the idea of "ordinary privilege" (as opposed to "white privilege," which many people find threatening). The description of gateways and pathways is important to understanding diversity and inclusion, and more effective (for me) than the commonly-heard saying "diversity is getting invited to the party; inclusion is being asked to dance." I really like that she roots the entire book in "growth mindset" and ends with action. There are a lot of management insights throughout the book, as well.

I don't recall seeing this title on the explosion of antiracism reading lists that proliferated in the summer of 2020, but maybe I missed it. If it wasn't there, it should be.

[Ramya Pratiwadi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read many books and articles about overcoming bias. Dolly's book is by far the most compelling, informative, and well-written book! What makes this book so great is that it weaves together personal stories, research, and great narrative to keep the reader engaged and interested in fighting bias. A must read for all!

[Mike Zickar · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I've read on how to fight bias within yourself and others. It's based on psychological research which the author does a great job explaining in easy to understand language and completed with a large numbers of case studies, historical information, and anecdotes.

This is a great book for white people to read to help fight our own biases. . .

[Tracey March · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm recommending this book to everyone I know! Accessible, informative, evidence-based, and with concrete advice on how to fight bias and deal with the facts that it can be uncomfortable and you will make mistakes (that you can learn from) along the way. Can't say enough about this one.

[John Crippen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Katy Milkman's How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be led me to this title. She and Dolly Chugh were grad students together and big fans of Max Bazerman. This title focuses on using a growth mindset to overcome biases. The whole book, an easy but thought-provoking read, was worth it for me just for her way of explaining the difference between diversity (a gateway) and inclusion (a pathway).

[Cori · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed to read this book for school. I think this is the best book I’ve read for school. It was a great way to understand some of the barriers to DEI and gave great tips for how to be a better person and business leader. The examples were readable and it was very easy/enjoyable to read. I highly recommend!

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Person You Mean to Be grounds an understanding of bias and how it manifests in psychology research. I especially appreciated Chugh's reframing from a fixed mindset and binary good vs. bad people to a growth mindset and "good-ish" people who are trying to get better. The focus of the book is much more on the biased working on their biases, rather than the impact on those who are biased against—a valuable perspective, but limiting at times.

[Catherine Price · Rating 5 out of 5]

An evidence-backed, well written guide describing how we can become less biased and more inclusive, both as individuals and as a society. Practical and enjoyable to read!

[Heidi Goehmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful, informative, with practical tools for recognizing and speaking up against injustice in daily life. This book contains lots of helpful definitions and discusses moving from believer to builder, or moving from thinking about injustice to addressing it.

[Ross · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye opening take on how to be more inclusive. I especially liked (and was pained by) the bits about the tailwinds many marginalized groups face. Also liked the encouragement to think of myself as a work in progress, and when I stumble to look at ways to improve.

[Natalie Park · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Chock full of great information and how-tos that makes me think. I’ll probably revisit the information somewhere down the road as I’m sure I’ll keep learning and will see other gems with a new perspective.

[Wellington · Rating 4 out of 5]

I give some serious kudos to a book that made me rethink some of my long standing beliefs. For example, Dolly Chugh made the best argument I've heard for slave reparations and really made me rethink my blind spots to my own privileges.

I would call this book disturbing, in a great way. Yeah, my head is now less clear with the waters muddier ... and makes me doubt if it's possible to be a good, or goodish person. I get that ideally we should be looking at each person at humans with their own battles with demons and prejudices ... but how would we ever get anything done?

For example, just trying to choose a lunch at a restaurant for hundred people to agree on. How to deal with vegetarians, allergies, religious choices, price range .... and that doesn't just involve people who just don't like certain foods / restaurants. If we listen to each person's story individually, we would probably all starve. Somebody is going to get marginalized.

So I kept going back to two TV Shows that the family is watching now. There's the Good Place which I think is one of my top 10 shows ever ... and how it's so difficult to get to the good place because the world is so much more complicated nowadays ... and Grownish with one character saying ... maybe we should all get used to being a little uncomfortable (marginalized)?

[Richa · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this book, Dr. Dolly Chugh reveals the how all of us "good people" view others through our own unconscious biases, which causes our well-meaning actions to not be as beneficial as we had intended. There is so much to be learned from this book, and the lessons she provides expertly combine evidence-based research with real-world examples from people she has interviewed, and from her own life.

The result is an engaging, fascinating, and eye-opening guide to improving how you think about and experience situations by recognizing the biases you bring, and how to actively combat them. The writing is very practical and relatable, and Dr. Chugh addresses highly sensitive, and even controversial, topics head on with humility, grace, and knowledge. I really enjoyed reading this book, and everyone would benefit from reading it as well! I will definitely be using what I've learned in my own life. Highly recommended.

[Alyson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are you wondering on this MLK holiday, what you can do to honor the legacy of Dr. King? Read this book, then buy a copy for someone else.

If, like me, you ask yourself just about every day, what should I be doing, please read this book. If you want to be a better ally, use your privilege, get a few realistic ideas on how you can be just a little bit closer to the person you mean to be, please read this book.

Dolly Chugh identifies as a "female, foreign-born, person of color" who teaches at NYU Stern School of Business where she is an expert on unconscious bias. So, basically, she is brilliant! But, she is also funny, self-deprecating, and real. I tore through this book in 24 hours. If you read it, please let me know. Would love to discuss . . .

[Spela Trefalt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! For anyone who cares about diversity and inclusion, this is a must read! The book is really engaging and pushes us to move beyond thoughts to actions. Important for me, Dolly Chugh gives very specific and doable suggestions at times when I struggled to come up with some on my own, suggestions on how to keep becoming a better person, one that not only has good intentions but does good deeds. I cringed and I smiled and I hugged the author in my thoughts many times for sharing her own struggles, missteps and growth. I felt understood and challenged. Please, please, read this book - you will be happy that you did and grateful to Dolly Chugh for the insight and the advice.