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Cultivating Biblical Godliness
How Can We Build a Godly Marriage?
God has blessed Joel and Mary Beeke with a wonderful marriage. God has also given them the opportunity to counsel many people in troubled marriages as well as to provide premarital counseling to scores of engaged couples. In How Can We Build a Godly Marriage?, the Beekes share ten principles they emphasize in their counseling. Perhaps you and your spouse are due for a checkup in your relationship. If so, carefully consider the important marks of a God-glorifying marriage found in this booklet. Strive to put these things into practice, and your marriage will be better for it!
32 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 1, 2018
18 people are currently reading
113 people want to read
About the author
Joel R. Beeke
445 books348 followersDr. Joel R. Beeke serves as President and Professor of Systematic Theology, Church History, and Homiletics at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary. He has been in the ministry since 1978 and has served as a pastor of his current church, Heritage Reformed Congregation, since 1986. He is also editor of the Banner of Sovereign Grace Truth, editorial director of Reformation Heritage Books, president of Inheritance Publishers, and vice-president of the Dutch Reformed Translation Society. He has written, co-authored, or edited fifty books and contributed over fifteen hundred articles to Reformed books, journals, periodicals, and encyclopedias. His Ph.D. (1988) from Westminster Theological Seminary is in Reformation and Post-Reformation Theology. He is frequently called upon to lecture at Reformed seminaries and to speak at conferences around the world. He and his wife, Mary, have three children: Calvin, Esther, and Lydia.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
July 31, 2022
Not much said on the topic that hasn’t been said before but it was still helpful and encouraging.
January 4, 2026
A short yet meaningful guide that points couples back to a Christ-centered foundation for marriage. Rooted firmly in Scripture, this booklet emphasizes prayer, communication, friendship, and spiritual unity as essential building blocks of a healthy marriage.
Though brief, it is rich in biblical wisdom and practical encouragement. Rather than offering quick fixes, the Beekes call couples to intentional, daily faithfulness and mutual growth in godliness. This is an excellent read for engaged couples, newlyweds, or married couples wanting a spiritual reset and a reminder of God’s design for marriage.
Though brief, it is rich in biblical wisdom and practical encouragement. Rather than offering quick fixes, the Beekes call couples to intentional, daily faithfulness and mutual growth in godliness. This is an excellent read for engaged couples, newlyweds, or married couples wanting a spiritual reset and a reminder of God’s design for marriage.
January 9, 2019
Joel Beeke constantly impresses me with his piety and love for the scriptures. In this small booklet he demonstrates how someone's love for God and His Word should fills us with a great love for our spouses as well. In this book Joel and his wife Mary give ten Biblical principles that all godly marriages should strive towards.
Would recommend for all married people!
Would recommend for all married people!
July 5, 2023
A great little book on the theological basis of marriage and how to live it out faithfully. Beeke is always biblical, practical, and concise, and as a bonus Mary Beeke is the one reading the audiobook.
November 11, 2022
Though it might not have said anything profound, it was full of great reminders and encouragement. A great tool to reset the way I have been thinking about my marriage.
September 27, 2024
Great principles for marriage. Helpful, brief booklet for keeping on the church or counseling shelf.
May 14, 2025
brief but great reminders in marriage
March 12, 2019
A wonderful, concise little book. At only 32 pages it covers the essentials, and could easily be fleshed out for longer conversations or used as a quick refresher.
December 29, 2024
I actually read Cultivating Biblical Godliness for women by Joel R. Beek (Five books in one!) (Dec 24) but tit is currently not listed on Good Reads, thus book title is by the same author however (one of the many authors). This book will encourage you, and build you up in the faith!
Quotes from the book.
Serve God by daily reading, teaching our children, daily prayer Jer 10:25, sing the praise of Lord daily!
Unless you have selfless love with your spouse, you cannot please the Lord. 1 cor 13:4-7, 26
When you let your two year-old help unload the dishwasher, it is not to get things done quicker, your purpose is to train them for something more. You want them to be a willing worker now so that they will be a willing worker later. God is so creative… He chooses to use you ( the homemaker) to do the housework. What is his purpose? If being happy depended on the clean bathroom, it would not last a day! If fullfillment was found in an empty laundry basket, it wouldn't last a minute! God's will for you is not merely to get things done. His will for you is sanctification! See 1 Thessalonians 4:31. Your work is a tool… For growing fruits of the Spirit. The tasks God has set before you are the best ones you can do to grow in sanctification. You want to have joy, patience, gentleness, humility, mercifulness, but these heavenly qualities cannot be put into your life at once. They have to grow from small beginnings to perfection… God gives you opportunities to act in ways they are loving, joyful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self controlled. To do His will then is to use the power of the Holy Spirit within you. To take those opportunities, many of which are your basic tasks, and most go against your natural human will. Think about how your work as a mother and homemaker relates to who God wants you to be. God wants you to be loving. (my mom is the most selfless person I know -she would do anything for anyone at any moment…) Lives literally depend on selfless love. What better way to learn love than to care for a tiny helpless needy human, that not only grew inside your body, but can even receive food from your body.
Two ways to have joy--get everything you want (impossible!) or you must train your mind to be joyful regardless of whether you get what you want or not. What better way to learn joy than to deny yourself habitually for the sake of another person-that your joy no longer depends on your own wants and needs.
Your work is a tool He uses to produce the fruits of the Spirit in you (gal 5:22-23)-to make you more like Christ.
God wants you to be patient – Mom’s putting in long hours and often wait years to see the results. What better way to learn patience than to practice daily even hourly by waiting on and reasoning with tiny people who are in no hurry and do not have fully developed minds.
God wants you to be good. What better way to learn goodness since you have someone watching and learning from you -from your every word and every action?
God wants you to be faithful. What better way to learn faithfulness than to be required to work long hours at a job, to earn no pay, no recognition, and no possibility of promotion.
God wants you to be gentle. What better way to learn gentleness than to be given the responsibility of caring physically for a fragile newborn, and emotionally for a tender heart.
Let's examine self control more and how we can use it as motivation in our work. Self control, or self discipline is a common topic in the Bible. Proverbs says someone without self-control is like a city whose walls are broken (proverbs 25:28) and someone with it is more powerful than a conqueror of a city (proverbs 16:32)
Do you remember filling out penmanship worksheets in elementary school? Did you save those worksheets? Maybe a few if you were proud of your handwriting. But the point of the exercise was not the worksheets themselves, it was to master the basics of writing. To make forming letters so habitual that you could write without thinking about how each letter is made. Without mastering the basics of a skill through practice, you will never be able to do greater things with that skill. If you cannot do self control in little things, then it will be hard to practice self control in the greater things when they come along. What little things can I do in my life that will help me build self control – stick with cleaning routine, limit, social media, eat a healthy meal, don't snack on unhealthy food items, exercise, (I added things I need self control over).
Your spiritual life is so tightly intertwined in these areas that practicing self-control will make a difference in whether you are becoming more like Christ. Just like every bite of food becomes your physical body so every choice becomes a part of who you are spiritually. Consistently making small wrong choices WILL have an impact. Every time you make a choice, you are turning the central part of you to something you weren't before. Are your choices honoring God? Jesus was obedient to the point of death!
Quotes from the book.
Serve God by daily reading, teaching our children, daily prayer Jer 10:25, sing the praise of Lord daily!
Unless you have selfless love with your spouse, you cannot please the Lord. 1 cor 13:4-7, 26
When you let your two year-old help unload the dishwasher, it is not to get things done quicker, your purpose is to train them for something more. You want them to be a willing worker now so that they will be a willing worker later. God is so creative… He chooses to use you ( the homemaker) to do the housework. What is his purpose? If being happy depended on the clean bathroom, it would not last a day! If fullfillment was found in an empty laundry basket, it wouldn't last a minute! God's will for you is not merely to get things done. His will for you is sanctification! See 1 Thessalonians 4:31. Your work is a tool… For growing fruits of the Spirit. The tasks God has set before you are the best ones you can do to grow in sanctification. You want to have joy, patience, gentleness, humility, mercifulness, but these heavenly qualities cannot be put into your life at once. They have to grow from small beginnings to perfection… God gives you opportunities to act in ways they are loving, joyful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self controlled. To do His will then is to use the power of the Holy Spirit within you. To take those opportunities, many of which are your basic tasks, and most go against your natural human will. Think about how your work as a mother and homemaker relates to who God wants you to be. God wants you to be loving. (my mom is the most selfless person I know -she would do anything for anyone at any moment…) Lives literally depend on selfless love. What better way to learn love than to care for a tiny helpless needy human, that not only grew inside your body, but can even receive food from your body.
Two ways to have joy--get everything you want (impossible!) or you must train your mind to be joyful regardless of whether you get what you want or not. What better way to learn joy than to deny yourself habitually for the sake of another person-that your joy no longer depends on your own wants and needs.
Your work is a tool He uses to produce the fruits of the Spirit in you (gal 5:22-23)-to make you more like Christ.
God wants you to be patient – Mom’s putting in long hours and often wait years to see the results. What better way to learn patience than to practice daily even hourly by waiting on and reasoning with tiny people who are in no hurry and do not have fully developed minds.
God wants you to be good. What better way to learn goodness since you have someone watching and learning from you -from your every word and every action?
God wants you to be faithful. What better way to learn faithfulness than to be required to work long hours at a job, to earn no pay, no recognition, and no possibility of promotion.
God wants you to be gentle. What better way to learn gentleness than to be given the responsibility of caring physically for a fragile newborn, and emotionally for a tender heart.
Let's examine self control more and how we can use it as motivation in our work. Self control, or self discipline is a common topic in the Bible. Proverbs says someone without self-control is like a city whose walls are broken (proverbs 25:28) and someone with it is more powerful than a conqueror of a city (proverbs 16:32)
Do you remember filling out penmanship worksheets in elementary school? Did you save those worksheets? Maybe a few if you were proud of your handwriting. But the point of the exercise was not the worksheets themselves, it was to master the basics of writing. To make forming letters so habitual that you could write without thinking about how each letter is made. Without mastering the basics of a skill through practice, you will never be able to do greater things with that skill. If you cannot do self control in little things, then it will be hard to practice self control in the greater things when they come along. What little things can I do in my life that will help me build self control – stick with cleaning routine, limit, social media, eat a healthy meal, don't snack on unhealthy food items, exercise, (I added things I need self control over).
Your spiritual life is so tightly intertwined in these areas that practicing self-control will make a difference in whether you are becoming more like Christ. Just like every bite of food becomes your physical body so every choice becomes a part of who you are spiritually. Consistently making small wrong choices WILL have an impact. Every time you make a choice, you are turning the central part of you to something you weren't before. Are your choices honoring God? Jesus was obedient to the point of death!
July 29, 2025
✨5 Stars✨
We absolutely loved going through this short booklet together and hearing what this well-respected pastor and his wife has to say on marriage🥰
The ten easy-to-follow points made it simple for us to grab the book whenever we had a few minutes and pick up where we left off!!
It’s important to note that I say easy-to-follow meaning the ease of reading, not that what they were saying is easy to put into practice! The points made, even just some short phrases, really challenged our thinking, made us reevaluate how we were approaching our relationship, and helped us to grow, even though we’re not married yet!
Would highly recommend this book to any couple, dating, engaged, or been married for years☺️
We absolutely loved going through this short booklet together and hearing what this well-respected pastor and his wife has to say on marriage🥰
The ten easy-to-follow points made it simple for us to grab the book whenever we had a few minutes and pick up where we left off!!
It’s important to note that I say easy-to-follow meaning the ease of reading, not that what they were saying is easy to put into practice! The points made, even just some short phrases, really challenged our thinking, made us reevaluate how we were approaching our relationship, and helped us to grow, even though we’re not married yet!
Would highly recommend this book to any couple, dating, engaged, or been married for years☺️
November 20, 2024
This was a nice short little book that covered the ways of maintaining a good strong marriage relationship, beginning with the authority structure given by God. He continued with what love is and is not, and in the essence of growing the marriage relationship, he went into the areas of spiritual intimacy, physical intimacy, companionship and best friendship (with one another), as well as being a united front for the children. I do think it is worth an occasional re-read.
November 25, 2021
This booklet was combined with 4 others in the audiobook, but I'll just review this one. I don't remember enough to write more.
So, I liked this booklet/essay (and the productivity one!), but a couple of the others were less applicable to me. I was surprised to learn these were written by a man. Oh, well. That doesn't negate his advice, just might change the way I see it.
So, I liked this booklet/essay (and the productivity one!), but a couple of the others were less applicable to me. I was surprised to learn these were written by a man. Oh, well. That doesn't negate his advice, just might change the way I see it.
August 22, 2022
I feel like everything I have read from the Beeke's has been amazing, extremely grounded in scripture, and chock-full of wisdom. This book was no exception.
While a lot of it may seem like "common sense", I think having the reminders of what we ought to be doing to cultivate godliness in our marriages makes this book worth the read.
While a lot of it may seem like "common sense", I think having the reminders of what we ought to be doing to cultivate godliness in our marriages makes this book worth the read.
January 8, 2022
The Beeke’s do a great job of succinctly encouraging marriage growth and a battle against stale or stagnated marriage. I recommend whether or not you think the marriage is struggling. Whether or not you are newlyweds. It’s a good read.
February 16, 2024
I started the “Cultivating Biblical Godliness” series and this is the first book I read. It was pretty insightful. It contains biblical guidelines to a Godly marriage. I highly recommend it. It was a great encouragement to carefully consider the important marks of a God-glorifying marriage.
May 21, 2021
(I listened to this on audiobook.) I would give this 4.5 stars.
July 19, 2022
Faithful Teachings
Beeke writes down godly suggestions for couples who want to have a godly marriage that glorifies God, and I found it helpful.
Beeke writes down godly suggestions for couples who want to have a godly marriage that glorifies God, and I found it helpful.
July 25, 2022
Audio booked as apart of a 5 part series. Loved the series.
August 11, 2022
Wow great book. Must read.
January 16, 2023
Good little introduction to the basic principles.
Read
June 20, 2023Good
July 31, 2023
A short yet sufficient read to spur me on in striving to be a better wife for God's glory.
December 22, 2024
This little booklet packs a big punch. The Beeekes offer ten guidelines for building a healthy, biblical, God-honoring marriage. We will be giving this booklet away at our yearly marriage conference.
February 21, 2025
Very good book!
December 22, 2025
A wonderful, short booklet that provides 10 biblical principles for a God-honoring marriage. Though not exhaustive, the principles laid out in by Beeke provide a solid foundation for any marriage.
June 7, 2022
Short and sweet. Good teaching and very encouraging.
February 2, 2025
Short. Quick. Solid!
Great review of other Biblical marriage advice books. It’s a pamphlet style read, I recommend reading as a “touch-up” or refresher of content found in longer marriage books such as No Mere Mortals by Sumpter or Decluttering Your Marriage by Wilson.
*listened to audio on canon+
Great review of other Biblical marriage advice books. It’s a pamphlet style read, I recommend reading as a “touch-up” or refresher of content found in longer marriage books such as No Mere Mortals by Sumpter or Decluttering Your Marriage by Wilson.
*listened to audio on canon+
September 27, 2025
A concise, helpful and practical book about marriage. Below are some of my favorite takeaways from the book:
In God’s Word, He tells us what marriage is, why He created it, how to enjoy it, and how to make sure God gets the glory out of it.
We get the most fulfillment from our marriage when we follow God’s rules of marriage.
The key to happiness in marriage is found in Psalm 128:1, which teaches us to walk in the fear of the Lord.
The world says marriage is to make oneself happy, but this is the essence of a me-driven, self-centered marriage.
A Gospel centered marriage starts with self-denial; putting Christ first and then your spouse.
When love is abundant in marriage, each partner will strive to meet each other’s needs. When love is lacking, all duties become no more than cold, heartless acts.
Though we live in a microwave-time world, friendship takes time.
In God’s Word, He tells us what marriage is, why He created it, how to enjoy it, and how to make sure God gets the glory out of it.
We get the most fulfillment from our marriage when we follow God’s rules of marriage.
The key to happiness in marriage is found in Psalm 128:1, which teaches us to walk in the fear of the Lord.
The world says marriage is to make oneself happy, but this is the essence of a me-driven, self-centered marriage.
A Gospel centered marriage starts with self-denial; putting Christ first and then your spouse.
When love is abundant in marriage, each partner will strive to meet each other’s needs. When love is lacking, all duties become no more than cold, heartless acts.
Though we live in a microwave-time world, friendship takes time.
August 24, 2024
2nd time through 08.24. We need more books this short and practical. Plenty of good advice though I didn't quite agree with everything. Overall - really helpful.
August 10, 2022
Really good little booklet. Only 30 pages, but full of useful insight on building a godly marriage. It obviously isn't exhaustive, but gives you a good foundation to build off of.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews