Escaping Indigo

Escaping Indigo #1

by Eli Lang

Micah thought he’d always be in a band. All he ever wanted was to play drums and make great music, but when his best friend and bandmate passes away, Micah is left adrift. The thing that’s always lifted him up is now a reminder of everything he’s lost.

In an attempt to put his life back together, Micah takes a job as roadie for his favorite band, Escaping Indigo. He’s always admired the lead singer, Bellamy. On stage, Bellamy is confident, glittery, and radiant. But as the two grow closer, Micah realizes that in person, Bellamy is quiet, introspective, and a little uncertain. And that’s the person Micah is falling for.

Micah is determined to know all of Bellamy, both the rock star side and the side hidden from the audience, the side that creates music that touches Micah’s heart. Bellamy has secrets of his own, though, things he doesn’t want to share with anyone. And trying to uncover Bellamy’s truths might be the thing that ends up pushing him away.

Genres: Romance, M M Romance, Contemporary, LGBT, Musicians, Music, New Adult

192 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 15, 2017

About the author

Eli Lang is a writer, drummer, and origami enthusiast. She lives in Arizona with too many pets and too many books.

Reviews

[Mirjana **DTR - Down to Read** · Rating 3 out of 5]

***3.5 Stars***

When he leaned on me, he made me feel like I was steady and strong enough to take his weight and his worries, and the idea that he thought the same thing lit me up, made me believe it might possibly be true.

This is my first time reading Eli Lang...and I gotta say, this was some beautifully evocative writing.

Told entirely from Micah's POV, we get to witness two love stories. One between Micah and Bellamy...and one between Micah and music. Though the book has a, not so much heavy as melancholy, feel to it...there's also this undercurrent of hope that's woven into the story.

Micah is dealing with the grief of suddenly losing his best friend and band mate. As a roadie for one of his favorite bands, he's trying to move past the pain and absorb everything around him. The daily tour life, the elation of watching your favorite musicians perform, being lost in the sound and feel of the music, the buzz of being around so much creativity.

He's also dazzled by Bellamy. The lead singer of Escaping Indigo is breathtaking to watch on stage, but it's the quieter, introspective side of Bellamy that draws Micah in even more. The man that was a live wire on stage had so much he was hiding behind the curtain.

I wondered if he was performing for me too, or if he was always performing a bit, no matter where he was, or who he was with.

With tentative touches and quiet conversations, the two form a connection. They begin to open up to each other, and Micah begins to notice that there's more to Bellamy's anxiety than the stresses of tour life.

I saw his shadows, the things that lurked behind his eyes. I didn't know what they were, and he didn't seem to want to tell me. But they were there.

Micah is also trying to find his footing. Trying to figure out what's next in his life. Micah and his best friend had a vision....had a hope of one day being part of a band and having their own successes...and Micah doesn't know how to move on from that...how to grieve the death of his friend, move past the pain, and figure out what HIS dreams are now.

"Now he's gone, and I'm stuck with just half of everything, half of all the things we hoped for..."

I really loved the tentative sweetness of the progression of Bellamy and Micah's relationship. A brush of a shoulder, a touch of a hand, a kiss on the forehead...all of it slowly building a quiet bond. The intimacy of their relationship was about so much more than physical attraction.

I also loved Micah's journey. His love for music is evident in every one of his thoughts. He thrived on the feel and beat of the music. The emotions of connecting to a sound, the way your heart pounds in time to the drumbeats, the way a singer's voice can curl around your heart and soul. And watching him realize that no matter what, music always be a part of him and a part of his life was really special.

Unfortunately, as much as I love the writing here...it also got in the way. Too much time was spent in Micah's head. He'd be having a conversation with someone and then pages would go on about what he was thinking before he'd answer. Sometimes I'd have to go back to see what the question was because I'd forget. Lots and lots and lots of internal thoughts in this book....much more than actual dialogue so be aware of that going in.

But, my biggest issue with this book is that Bellamy's mental health issues feel like a dirty secret. Even by the end, the word "anxiety" is almost whispered in conversation. HE MAY HAVE ANXIETY! HE MAY BE DEPRESSED! IT MAY BE SOMETHING ELSE!!

Say it!

Address it!

It's 2017....mental health shouldn't be a discussion happening behind closed doors and in hushed corners.

Also, I'd call this more of a HFN than HEA. Micah and Bellamy are committed, but I don't feel like they're quite on solid ground yet. I'm hoping we'll get more of their HEA as the series goes on....which I'm looking forward to reading.


***ARC courtesy of Netgalley in exchange for an honest review***

[Fabi NEEDS Email Notifications · Rating 3 out of 5]

This story has a melancholy air that never lifts.

Bellamy and Micah (great names right?) are both dealing with depression and anxiety. They have different reasons for them, but they come together slowly and carefully get to know each other.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think I can give this book the review it deserves. There's never been a more perfect example of the wrong reader for a book.

I like edgy, gritty, fast paced stories. A balance consisting of 80% action and 20% emotion.

This book is 100% emotion. There is zero action. From my skewed point of view, nothing happened. Two young men met, talked about a lot of sad stuff and went sadly into the setting sun.

I'm probably coming across as a heartless beeatch. 😕

It just wasn't the rock god story I was expecting. I enjoyed the glimpses of Bellamy on stage but the rest of it was too emo for me.

3 stars because it is extremely well written and edited



Review ARC graciously provided by the publisher via NetGalley

[Xan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings about this book. I would advise mentally ill readers to approach this story with caution.

I really loved the way this book talked about music, about being a musician, about being a fan, about being on the road and touring with a band. It held that experience with depth and realness and I thoroughly enjoyed that aspect of the book. I found the depiction of grief to be complex and nuanced and it rung true for me as a reader. This is very much a grief narrative, and I think that arc was done well. I liked the way the characters who were grieving the death of the same person related to each other, their connection worked really well for me. I enjoyed the aspect of the romance that was about sorting out the rock star from the person, the fan from the lover, how that was difficult and evolved, and wasn't just handwaved away. On a language level, this story was beautiful and lyrical, if melancholy, which felt right, and was a marked difference from most rock star romances, that I've read. I liked the slow build of the romance, in the first half of the story especially.

The depiction of mental illness, of anxiety and depression, felt real to me. There are moments when those experiences are described very clearly, that rung true. However. This reads like a fairly classic acceptance narrative. It's all about the nuerotypical POV MC struggling to and eventually learning to accept Bellamy's mental illness. Bellamy doesn't even really get his own growth arc, he is basically just along for the ride with Micah after he discloses his mental illness, as Micah minimizes his mental illness, is scared of his mental illness, tries to fix him, tells him what to do, says and thinks hurtful ableist things about his mental illness, refuses to accept that Bellamy should get to make his own choices about treatment, and eventually learns to accept him.

The entire time, Bellamy's mental illness is framed as something Micah might reject him for, that Micah might feel hurt by. Even by Bellamy himself, who directly says this to Micah and basically describes himself as unable to have a boyfriend because of his mental illness, something that was confirmed for him by the way his last relationship ended. Bellamy's internalized ableism is intense to read about, and we don't even get it from his POV. It does not abate throughout the story, or get challenged much at all. It anything, the framework of the acceptance narrative confirms his internalized ableism, by its structure alone.

So, here's the thing. Yes, mentally ill folks sometimes get rejected in love because of our mental illness. And yes we do sometimes internalize the ableism that gets thrown at us from everywhere. That is real and can happen. Which made this story even more painful for me, as a mentally ill reader, because it framed those things as truth, instead of ableism. It framed the nuerotypical MC's acceptance as the center of a narrative about mental illness. Even as it tries to offer an alternative perspective, it places the NT hero as an exception to the supposed truth of the narrative: that mental illness is cause for rejection, fear, and judgment. That the best any mentally ill person can hope for is to be eventually accepted by a NT lover, and allowed to make their own choices about treatment. I want more from stories about mental illness than this. As acceptance narratives go, it's probably one of the better ones out there (as it does really insist upon the mentally ill characters autonomy over decisions about treatment), but I want more.

I will say that I completely fell for Ava and totally want to read her story, and liked this author's writing style in general, so will be trying book 2 in this series, Skin Hunger, and likely also the author's debut novel Half.

Trigger Warnings: Reference to drug use. Alcohol use. Many references to friend who died of an overdose. Grief themed story. Anxiety and depression described in detail. Character was dumped because of his mental illness. Mental illness acceptance narrative (see review for more info).

[Rafa Brewster · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought the author’s writing style and love for music really shone in this book, but everything else was a huge miss for me.

I had great difficulty spending that much time in Micah’s head as he mourned his friend and went through the motions (not to mention the monotony) of being on tour. Micah’s obsession with Bellamy as a rock star felt really creepy to me and not particularly conducive to a healthy relationship (or even friendship). I cringed at how painfully awkward their conversations were throughout the entire book and I had a hard time imagining any spark between them. The demands Micah made on Bellamy in regards to his anxiety and depression were seriously off-putting, especially when he admitted he didn’t know the first thing about treatment or care, just that it made him very uncomfortable. To top it all off, I was a bit horrified at the way the two of them came together in the end. At 85% Bellamy literally said, “I like you, Micah. But we don’t actually know each other that well.” Their conversations and ensuing promises were very heavy for two young men who barely knew each other, who still walked on eggshells around each other all the way to the very last page, and the ending felt less “Let’s get to know each other” and more “Can't live without you” which seemed like a bad idea for for two young men already coping with some heavy stuff.

[Rita · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

Reviewed for Just Love

This book was… not what I expected at all. I read the first half sitting outside on the perfect summer morning, sipping on coffee, enjoying my quiet surroundings and the quietness of the story. It is a slow, slow burn and as the sun rose overhead and my skin started to warm up, so too, did the tension between Micah and Bellamy.

Something I noticed and liked early on is that Escaping Indigo is not your typical rock band. I’ve never been in a band before but I imagine that not every group falls into the stereotypical raucous party animal, drug-taking, groupie-groping category. So it was kinda nice to experience the life of a band who spent most of their free time focused on the music, the shows, and just hanging out with each other.

“There was something that made a festival different than any other concert. An atmosphere that was charged. It always felt, to me, that I was connected to all these other people in the most normal but also the most incredible way, We were all there for the same thing. We were all riding the same energy frequency, and you could feel it. It reminded me of the festivals I’d gone to as a teenager, how they had made me feel as if I was escaping into something, like I could stand in the middle of them and wrap the music around me. Like I was free for a few hours.”

It all sounds lovely, doesn’t it? Well, unfortunately, this is where I take off my rose-colored glasses and talk about why I didn’t end up loving this book. I wanted so badly to be able to tell you to throw your hands in the air in celebration, but I can’t, so let me break my timeline of feels down for you.

At 37% I was still really liking the story but the number of times that Micah asks Bellamy if he’s okay was grating on my nerves. It started to feel like this was the opener for every interaction these two had. There’s more inner monologue than dialogue but I didn’t mind it much because I felt like I was getting to see the mix of emotions that Micah is going through as he deals with his grief, trying to find his place now that his best friend and bandmate is gone, and reconciling that while touring with his favorite band.

By 53% I was officially bored from waiting for something to happen and when it did shortly after I was skeptical that Micah and Bellamy were even a good match. They pussyfoot around each other so much that I was becoming impatient.

“I was starting to wish we’d all just come out and say what we meant, what we felt, what we wanted, instead of this goddamn hinting around.”

You and me both, Micah.

At 80% I resigned myself to the fact the entire book was going to be about Bellamy’s anxiety and Micah’s grief and that nothing else was going to happen. It’s very sad and depressing and it seemed that even when something positive happened one of the characters would say something to bring down the mood. I wanted character growth but what little I got happened so slowly that by the final conflict I no longer cared if these two could work it out.

Maybe it’s because I liked this book less the longer I read it but it almost felt like it was written by two different people. In the beginning the beautiful narrative flowed with detailed descriptions of how the characters felt about playing music and about the things holding them back from happiness. But by the end, more often than not, I couldn’t sympathize with Micah’s lack of confidence, Bellamy’s inability to consider an alternative to how he’d been handling his disorder, and both of their issues with stunted communication. They just didn’t connect or try very hard to do anything but talk about the same things over and over again, and so the repetitious writing just wasn’t enough to hold my attention.

I am sad to say that this book didn’t work for me and I don’t know that I’ll continue with the series.

I received an advanced copy of this novel in exchange for a fair and honest review.

[Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some things could've been fleshed out more but otherwise I liked the romance and the characters a lot.

[Ellie]

I DNfed the book at 40%. This is my second book by Eli Lang and I'm sad to say this author and me just don't match. I have to admit she has a quiet, lyrical style of writing which I usually enjoy but I found it didn't work for me in her books. I had hard time connecting with the characters, felt the whole plot was moving too slowly, it was too melancholy, to self-absorbed and I couldn't bring myself to care what happened to the characters. I see glimpses of brilliant writing and some memorable inner monologues but that was not enough to make me finish the story.
This is only the second book released by Eli Lang and I believe she has a potential to be a great writer, but for now her stories are not working for me and I don't plan to read any more of them for a while.

[Eric · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this novel very pretentious and dull.I read all of it carefully, thinking I must be missing something, but ended up bored.Long stretches of the book contain passages of prose more purple than the title. There is no escaping indigo!

It tells the story of Micah, drummer and roadie, recovering from the loss of best friend, Eric, and of Bellamy, singer/songwriter/guitarist , assailed by anxiety and deserted by his boyfriend. They meet while on tour with the band, Escaping Indigo.

As usual, this books deals with men being unable to communicate. Here, there is too much talking and thinking and too little thought. At the end Bellamy and Micah seem to be no closer to understanding each other than when they met.

They do manage to have sex, but it is as unconvincing to me as the rest of their “relationship”. As main characters, they are no more substantial than cardboard cut-outs, albeit drenched in angst.

The only glimmer of real feelings which touched me came in a conversation between Quinn, Eric’s brother, and Micah, which serves as a device to get Bellamy and Micah back together. Here there seemed to be a small spark of a relationship more worthy of development than Micah’s star-struck reverence of Bellamy and Bellamy’s somewhat pathetic dependence on Micah’s bolstering of his oh-so-fragile ego.

The most intriguing part of the book is the title. Is it a reference to the jazz classic “Mood Indigo”? Or to New Age philosophy where indigo represents the 6th chakra (intuition and knowledge)? Or Alice A. Bailey’s Seventh Ray? i would be interested to find out.

Probably 2.5 stars and those mainly for the depiction of how anxiety disorder can affect one’s everyday functioning.

Thank you to NetGalley and Riptide Publishing for the ARC.

[Erica Chilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this title to read and review for Wicked Reads

4 Stars

Eli Lang isn't a new-to-me author, but it feels as if she is, after struggling with Half previously. The writing seems different- the voice- and it was easy for me to escape into Micah's narration.

Escaping Indigo is voiced by a grief-stricken drummer who is acting as the roadie to one of his favorite bands. Micah is a solid character, his traits never deviating from how the author created him. He lost everything when his best friend overdosed, even the will to create music...

There's something about Escaping Indigo's Bellamy that compels and intrigues Micah, and it seems the reaction is mutual. The pair lean on each other, finding comfort and strength.

After Half, I was hesitant to read more by Eli Lang, but with the emotions painted across the pages, I am interested in exploring more of her works in the future, as well as more in this series. The imagery when it came to the music industry and the inner most thoughts musicians go through was highly realistic, setting the scene and placing me in the moment without purple prose and over-description.

The aftermath of losing someone important in your life- the grief- was also realistic, as was the way anxiety was written on the pages. I could empathize with Bellamy on several fronts, both with the anxiety and how you feel a part of this world, yet apart from it. An observer, with your head in your art, never knowing if said art is good enough, no matter how many say it is.

While I loved the premise and the sweet, wounded boys on the pages, the pacing stalls around the halfway mark, slowing down to a crawl, without anything new added to the story. I just needed a little something more, but not necessarily strife or unnecessary conflict. In the end, pacing issues aside, Escaping Indigo was an emotional read, yet relaxing because of the pacing and lack of conflict. A hurt-comfort read.

I recommend to MM romance fans, as well as those who enjoy stories featuring musicians.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was given a copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads.

This story is pure emo angst. I was expecting a typical rockstar romance and I was thoroughly unprepared for this story about two tortured artists. After Micah’s best friend and bandmate dies, he finds himself on the road, acting as a roadie for his favourite band. Bellamy is the face of the band. On stage he is a skilled musician and a larger than life entertainer. In private, he is often paralysed by anxiety.

This is a beautifully written story. The prose is gorgeous. Descriptions are wonderfully sensual and observations are sensitive. This story is told from Micah’s POV. Micah quietly studies Bellamy and his band while reflecting on his own life.

At times, this is a torturously slow and emotionally intense story. Micah and Bellamy first communicate through music and art. Very gradually, the recognise something in each other and forge a connection. Neither man fully understands his own issues and needs and they find it difficult to support each other.

Other than some personal growth, not much actually happens in this book. I’m trying not to be too critical because know I’m not the target demographic for an emo new adult romance. However, I do have to admit that by the end I was a little bit bored of Micah, Bellamy and their dramas.

[Alisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like this author's writing style. There is a quiet, lyrical style to it. It's so unique though that I think it's going to be a love or hate kind of thing. It's not going to work for everyone. I'm always on the look out for something different so I'm digging it. I really enjoyed the slow build up of Micah and Bellamy's romance and I'm looking forward to the other books in this series.



**Review copy received through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review**

[Angie Elle]

DNF @ 56%, so no rating.

[Kazza · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a lover of rock band/muso books that are full of swagger and celebrity and flash and pizzazz, which I am generally not, then this is not that book. It is not really about the performance as much as the love of music itself, and most definitely behind the scenes with the MCs. Escaping Indigo is a very introspective book about two men, one who happens to be the guitarist, singer/songwriter for a not-quite-but-nearly made-it band and one who happens to be a (new) roadie for Escaping Indigo while they are touring America on a bus.

Eli Lang has a unique voice. A melancholy and lyrical style permeates her narrative and writing - both Half and Escaping Indigo are similar in that vein. Very nice characters, nothing alpha or chest-beating about them. Both are dealing with individual issues which have a crossover. Anxiety and the mood that comes from profound grief. Micah has a sweet way about him which is good as he is the primary POV throughout. Bellamy is glittery on stage but off it he's an unsure creative type who wonders how he's made it to where he has, getting to do the thing he loves - music, who also worries about messing it up. Nothing is too heavy, there is no great action or drama, just a bubbling below the surface of some emotion and the deep connection and solace two guys find in one another. Once again there is an offbeat style to the way Lang approaches storytelling and her MCs, a beauty to them, and I really like it.

Different and sightly more in-depth review on the blog-

[Tracy~Bayou Book Junkie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 Stars

I loved the blurb when I read it and I couldn't wait to get to this book on my reading schedule, but the book didn't completely deliver.

Micah hasn't been able to pick-up his drum sticks since the death of his bandmate and best friend, Eric. Eric's brother Quinn gets him a job as a roadie for his favorite band, Escaping Indigo. After some time spent on the road and being in the small contained space of the tour bus, Micah slowly begins to get to know the lead singer, Bellamy. As they get to know one another they grow closer, but both Micah and Bellamy are hurting. Micah from the loss of Eric and Bellamy from the breakup with his last boyfriend, who left when he could no longer deal with Bellamy's refusal to seek help for his anxiety disorder.

I really loved both Micah and Bellamy, and the story was enjoyable. I loved that the relationship moved slowly. First, there were innocent and light touches, then a sweet kiss. The pace felt natural. My heart broke for both of them. Micah is so lost without Eric and Bellamy is frightened of being rejected again by someone he loves. I wanted to give them both a big hug.

I loved the author's writing, it's beautiful and almost poetic at times. My issue with the story is that it's told completely from Micah's POV, and while that's perfectly fine, the story needed more character dialogue. Bellamy is too underdeveloped because we spend the majority of the story inside of Micah's head. We don't really get to know Bellamy all that well or exactly what he's feeling, because there wasn't enough dialogue to express or explore these things. I'm a firm believer in dialogue, but it just wasn't present in this story. I'd love to read the next story in the series, and I'll most likely give it a chance, I just hope the author gives the characters more on page conversations.

While the story is enjoyable, it's also very heavy. The sadness comes off both Micah and Bellamy in a waves and you can feel it, especially Micah and being inside his head at times felt like that sadness was sitting on my chest like a lead weight.

Micah and Bellamy had amazing chemistry and the sex scenes were sweet and passionate. The ending is realistic and I'm left hoping these two men can make this new and fragile relationship work. Recommendable!

*copy provided by Riptide Publishing via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review*

[WhatAStrangeDuck · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's more of a 3.5 stars rounded up but though it's not a super easy book to read, I thought it was well worth it.

What I really liked was that this is actually a book about musicians and the whole rock-god trope gets deconstructed until it's dust. So if you are looking for this, don't read this book. If you want to read a book about people who are trying to cope with shit that happens in their lives, read it. It's a decent love story and I enjoyed it.

[The Novel Approach · Rating 3 out of 5]

~ 3.5 Stars ~

Micah has lost his best friend, and with it his deep, driving desire to make music as a drummer in a band. Now signed on as a roadie, Micah finds himself face-to-face with the lead musician, Bellamy, who he has both fantasized about and regarded as almost a musical god for years. But despite his proximity to the quiet singer, Micah finds it difficult to both crack through the walls Bellamy has erected around himself and also reach beyond his own trauma of losing his best friend.

Micah wants to be more than friends with Bellamy, and while the guitarist seems to want that as well, Bellamy struggles with anxiety that is crippling to his creative self and prevents him from allowing anyone to get close to him. Between Micah struggling to let go of his dead best friend’s memory, and Bellamy refusing to do anything to get a grip on his crushing anxiety, the two men seemed destined to never become more than friends despite their desire for a different outcome.

Escaping Indigo was a real study in how a person who suffers with depression and crippling anxiety can shut themselves off from the world. Both Micah and Bellamy struggled with some real personal darkness, and desperately wanted to get beyond it, but had not a clue as to how to maneuver. Micah simply could not turn off the intense sadness that thrummed through to his very core when he remembered losing his best friend. Not only was he dealing with Eric’s death but the fact that since then, Micah himself had discovered that playing in a band no longer holds any real joy for him. He is, in a word, adrift. Eric’s brother convinces Micah to be a roadie with him for a few months, and it is here that Micah feels his first spark of life in the form of the lead singer, Bellamy. He has both a sense of attraction and some definite hero worship for Bellamy, and it takes Micah some time to come to terms with the fact that Bellamy is just a normal guy and one that Micah is worthy of being with intimately.

But Bellamy is struggling with demons of his own, and he is not just reluctant to confront them but loathe to do so. He refuses to get any help with the dark depression he suffers as a result of his anxiety, and here is where the story really excels. You see the way in which the author, Eli Lang, wrote about both these men and their struggles as very realistic. There were no easy answers for these guys and, in the end, they had to decide to either say goodbye to their fledgling mutual attraction, or make definite moves towards getting help.

Thematically this was a strong novel, and I felt it dealt with these sobering themes quite well. Unfortunately, it was just a bit too long in the tooth. After a few chapters of Micah struggling to feel worthy and find his purpose in life, I was ready for the confrontation to occur between him and Bellamy—but it didn’t. Instead, this line of self-questioning labored on and on, leading to a pacing issue that was, at best, substantially slowed. To be frank, by midway in the novel I wanted someone to move on—either Bellamy or Micah—and I really needed something to happen as my attention began to waiver.

I understood that the author was striving for an in depth look at how these two men struggled with their respective problems, but I felt that some serious editing needed to happen in this story to keep it from getting weighed down in its own dark themes. Escaping Indigo is a good story that could have been better if the author had allowed for less introspective analyzing and more dialoguing between the main characters.

Reviewed by Sammy for The Novel Approach

[Ruthie Taylor · Rating 3 out of 5]

~~I received a free copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads ~~

This is the first in a new series, and it is quite different to any rock band romance I have ever read. It is also much more a study of the minds of two musicians, than a standard MM story. If you like your stories fast paced and full of action, this will not be for you. It is evocative, thought-provoking and very emotional. I confess to not being someone who enjoys pages of inner thoughts, so I did find it a bit frustrating. By complete coincidence, I was reading this whilst at a festival, so I decided to stick with it and see whether it would give me more insight into the members of the bands I was watching. It also gave me moments of deep thoughtfulness when surrounded by noise and activity.

Without doubt this book will give you a continuous insight into the thoughts of a man who is struggling with grief, falling in love with an equally tortured soul, and following their dreams to live a life in music.

[M · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Eli Lang's writing. The prose was absolutely beautiful.

And I enjoyed the story, and loved the characters.

The grief. THE GRIEF. Felt so real, so tangible and I loved (and was hurting) throughout the whole book. This part of the plot was so beautiful and hurt so bad, but in the absolutely right way. It was exactly what I was hoping for.

I wasnt 100% comfortable with the story arc surrounding mental illness here though. While the acctual rep felt absolutely on point and heartbreakingly accurate, the narrative centering on the neurotypical character accepting and 'dealing with' the mental illness of the partner didn't always sit right with me, aka hit some very raw spots.

So. I enjoyed it, it was the right book for my sad times, but it didn't leave me swooning without reservations.

[ItaPixie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Escaping Indigo is not your usual hot m/m story.
It was an extremely emotional read and at times it was really hard to be in Micah's head for me.

I liked the author writing and how sweetly and naturally Micah and Bellamy's relationship evolves and I really appreciated how they in the end will try to do everything in their powerin order to be happy together.

P.S. I want to tell everybody out there that mental issues are not a competition,no one has more rights to talk about their problems than others...nowadays,unfortunately,is so common to see stars take their lives unexpectedly so please if you feel stressed or anxious seek someone to help you and never be ashamed of it.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a copy to read and review for Wicked Reads

I really didn't like this book at all for a few reasons. #1 there was soooo much inner monologue and not enough dialogue. I like when my characters talk to each other, interact with each other besides just asking if they are alright. #2 I was skimming and bored most of the book. After about 40/45% I got to the point where I didn't care how things turned out. Between Bellamy's anxiety and Micah's grief it was just a big ole ball of depression and nothing seemed to make the book any better. Totally not for me but I am sure other people will enjoy it.

[Leah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book. It wasn’t a favorite, but it was a good story and I liked some of the rep within. I think it could’ve done with a bit more length and depth, regarding the main characters and their lives, but I am content with how the book ended up and the road it took to get there.

Check out the full review on my blog.

[Elaine White · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book – Escaping Indigo (Escaping Indigo #1)
Author – Eli Lang
Star rating - ★★★☆☆
No. of Pages – 253
Cover – Gorgeous!
POV – 1st person, one character
Would I read it again – Maybe
Genre – LGBT, Rockstar, New Adult, Contemporary, Band, Music


** COPY RECEIVED THROUGH NETGALLEY **
Reviewed for Divine Magazine


For me, the book felt more like a YA novel with some sexy bits in it. The characters were a little immature and acted more like eighteen year olds than people in their mid twenties and if you removed the sex scenes, it would have been a perfect, 5 star YA read.

Although I found the characters immature, I really did enjoy the story. It had some really intense moments that made me cry, but it was overall quite a negative look on live, love and friendships. Micah had lost his best friend, Eric, just as they were getting somewhere with their band career, while the rockstar Bellamy is suffering intense anxiety. Sadly, we never really get to move away from those themes throughout the story. They plague every move that either Micah or Bellamy make towards a relationship and it's really difficult to escape for a while, to have a happy moment.

Even when the mood is lightened, there's always something Micah overhears or sees in Bellamy that reminds him of the struggle. Or he constantly reminds himself about Eric and how he's all alone now. The way that Micah can't cope without Eric in his life is also another indication of how immature Micah is, because he can't make a decision or choose a direction for his life without Eric there to do it for him, which is a little disturbing at times.

I loved the presentation and the writing style; it was perfect. I didn't notice one single editing error, which was amazing but also really great for an ARC. I loved the chapter headings and scene dividers. One thing Riptide know how to do well is presentation.

Sadly, the book left me feeling pretty down and negative about a whole lot of things. I understood Micah's grief, but not the extent that he couldn't function in everyday life without his mind switching straight to Eric. I've lost people who are close to me, in the way Eric and Micah were close, and it just didn't feel realistic to me the way that Micah fell apart almost entirely because of Eric's death. Nor did I understand why Bellamy refused to be treated for his anxiety. I get that he didn't want to be started on pills, but the vehemence that he refused to be helped was disturbing to me. Maybe because I've been in a place where therapy and pills were the only option and I wouldn't be here today without them.

I loved the love affair between Micah and music, particularly the music of Escaping Indigo, but I also loved that his relationship with Bellamy moved slowly, through real intimacy and discussion, real moments of getting to know each other, even if I think it happened very quickly. I wasn't a fan of Bellamy moving on so fast after his last break up or with how pushy and interfering the other band members were, however. I felt like half the band treated Bellamy like their little pet depressive, someone who had to be taken care of and they had to walk on eggshells around.

I felt the chemistry between Micah and Bellamy, but I feel that the first half of the novel is far stronger than the second. I think the build up to the relationship was the shining part of the book, the part where I felt the most connected, the most interest and the most in love with the two main characters. By the second half, the story had shifted its focus to being all about Micah's grief and Micah's attempts to “fix” Bellamy. A term I really hate. Yet, in the first half, I really understood why Micah persisted to ask Bellamy if he was alright; he didn't want to miss the same signs in him that he'd missed in Eric, but by the second half it felt more nagging and more like Micah knew best, that he was trying to drag something out of Bellamy that he wasn't ready to say.

Overall, I think the first half was a solid 5 stars but the second half was what let it down, for me. I even wrote at the 30% mark that “this story will tear your heart out even before you get halfway through.” But it didn't continue in that vein and that's a disappointment.

I see that it's part of a series and I won't be reading the next book, which is a FF story about Ava. For me, I didn't particularly like her pushy, nosy attitude in this book, so I really don't see how I could enjoy a story all about her. So, I think I'll be skipping the rest of the series, as I have no doubt that they'll all bleed through one to the next.


Favourite Quotes

““I miss him,” I blurted out. “I keep thinking he should be here, that this should be us, and it's not. And I can't call him, and I can't ask his opinion, and I need him. I don't know who I am without him.”

“What I needed, I thought, was to be with Eric. To be his best friend. To tie my life to his. I didn't know what to tie my life to now. It wasn't ever going to be Eric again, though. Eric was gone. He was never coming back. And he had left a hole in my life that I had been trying to fill and ignore at the same time.”

[ItsAboutTheBook · Rating 3 out of 5]

Review can be read at It's About The Book

2.5 stars

Micah is working as a roadie for Escaping Indigo. His own band no longer exists, but he’s been a devoted fan of Escaping Indigo for years. Touring with them is the next best thing. Escaping Indigo’s lead singer, Bellamy, is interesting and compelling and beautiful. The close quarters of a tour bus keep Micah and Bellamy in each other’s space. Then Bellamy begins to search Micah out. Unfortunately, things are complicated. Micah is still reeling from his best friend and band mate’s early death. There is also something up with Bellamy. Everyone seems to know Bellamy and the details of what he’s not explaining but Micah. To top it all off Micah is being warned away. For the good of himself, for the good of Bellamy, and for the good of the band. When things inevitably do go wrong between Micah and Bellamy they’re stuck on a tour bus together for the rest of the tour. Micah has to decide if he’s done with Bellamy and Escaping Indigo for good.

I didn’t think this book was awful, but I also didn’t think this book was good. There were definitely some really good things. I really liked Quinn and Micah’s relationship. If a Quinn book ever gets written I may read it. I liked Micah’s journey through grief. Mostly. We got a lot of the grief, as though this book is about coping with grief far more than it’s about starting over after loss. Maybe that was the intention all along. I don’t know.

I’m a firm believer that mental health is health. I’ll also defend the right of anyone over 18 to refuse medical treatment. You do you, we don’t have to see eye to eye on your health. You don’t want to treat your itchy rash more power to you. However; don’t expect me to sit there and watch you scratch it. A significant driver of what keeps these guys apart is Bellamy’s refusal to treat his medical condition because he doesn’t want people to think he’s broken. Okay, that’s a great example of the stigma against mental health. The stigma against mental health is never once brought up. Micah is expected to see everything from Bellamy’s perspective but neither guy really seems to realize they’re wallowing in their own negative perceptions of mental health. And the whole concept Bellamy has to be accepted and loved as is or there’s something wrong or evil about the person who can’t handle that? No. Just no. Absolutely no one needs to sit by and watch someone suffer and lash out as a result of their failure to deal with their own health problems.

Throughout the book people hint there’s something wrong or off with Bellamy all while saying it’s not serious or a big deal. I don’t know if this is genius writing or what. We’re being told one thing and shown another. Bellamy’s anxiety is on everyone’s mind, they bring it up, they try to defend Bellamy when his anxiety creates problems all while they minimize its importance with their words. Clearly it’s important as it’s what drives Micah and Bellamy apart. So what’s up with the minimizing?

There are very few descriptions of anything in this book. What does the tour bus look like? I don’t know. It could be covered in bamboo, have green shag carpet, and beaded curtains for all I know. What do any of the concert venues look like? I don’t know. One of them had a washing machine the band was able to use. Most of this book took place in Micah’s head. There were paragraphs and paragraphs of internal monologue for every line of dialogue. So much internal monologue about Micah and how he felt about Eric’s death. The internal monologue was so present it was as though things that were happening in the book were happening in some kind of void. I was unable to see or imagine locations nor characters. Honestly, I can’t even tell you what Micah looked like. Bizarrely, there was a whole paragraph about what Quinn looks like.

Unfortunately, there isn’t enough in this book for me to recommend it unless someone is really into reading about grief. As I said before, anyone over 18 has the right to refuse treatment for their health problems. I won’t sit around and watch it, nor will I read about it.

[Jody · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the very first page readers will find themselves quickly caught up in the lyrical feeling of this story as two bruised souls find comfort in each other's arms. It's a narrative told from the perspective of former drummer Micah who's lost his way after the death of his friend/bandmate. Now a roadie for his favorite band Micah finds himself drawn to Bellamy, the quiet yet commanding lead singer of Escaping Indigo, and together they take readers on an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Micah once had dreams of making it big in the music world alongside his best friend, but with his bandmate's death he lost the fire to stay on the stage. He can't leave music completely behind though and soon becomes a roadie for the band that's always brought joy to his soul. It's a routine job until the night he enjoys a bit of solitude with lead singer Bellamy and as quiet talks led to heartfelt introspection a romance teeming with sensuality along with moments of heartache evolved. Micah's clearly lost and lonely at the start of the story, full of what-ifs and what might have been. The moment he sees Bellamy he senses a kindred spirit as one lost soul calls to another. He's always been enthralled by his larger than life stage presence but it's his little boy lost personality that truly captures his heart and has him opening himself once again to the possibilities...possibilities of love as well as making music. Micah's a caring soul who understands Bellamy's moods and is a strong support when he needs it most. He asks tough questions of him, questions not easily or always answered. When it comes to their relationship, it's one teeming with sensuality as well as doubts regarding their different statuses that puts readers through the wringer and culminates in a HFN.

Bellamy's the quintessential rockstar on stage, sexy and full of energy. Off stage though he's a contradiction as his moods go from one extreme to another. He's clearly a tortured artist, talented but always needing to be better. Fears and doubts constantly weigh on him and have resulted in issues with crippling anxiety that led to feelings of isolation. Finding Micah gave him unexpected support when he needed it most. It also led to hard questions regarding his mental health, and ways to help his moods, that often left me frustrated. Despite that, I still found myself just as enamored with Bellamy as Micah was. Bellamy's love of music is clear and it's a love that he desperately wants to reignite in Micah with scenes that depicted joy and helped Micah find forgiveness.

Through all Bellamy's highs and lows this was a couple meant to be together. Their encounters were teeming with sensuality and oftentimes more was expressed through a single touch and glance than with words. Both had kind hearts and worried that their personal baggage would harm the other which led to lots of talks and introspection. These talks were nicely balanced with a few steamy interludes as well as lots of sweet cuddling that made for a more realistic relationship. The music world was vividly depicted too as moments on the stage were full of energy and eroticism while behind the scenes were endless miles of travel and boredom. Escaping Indigo isn't a stereotypical band as there's no vices on display, just a deep-seated familial bond between the bandmates and their crew. Issues of mental health were at the core of this story and while I appreciated Ms. Lang's addressing it, I was equally frustrated by the secretiveness and feeling of dirtiness surrounding Bellamy's anxiety. Despite that small criticism I found myself caught in this story's sensual haze through its lyrical storytelling. Micah's inner dialogues were beautiful and gave deep insight into his heart and soul as well as helping readers better understand Bellamy. This was a captivating series starter and I look forward to revisiting this couple and getting to know more about the other members of Escaping Indigo in the future.

[Lys · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Escaping Indigo by Eli Lang is another in a long line of titles from Riptide that manages to be both sweet and light while tackling very important issues. This is a love story, of course, between Bellamy the rock star and Micah the roadie, but it's also a story of intense and debilitating grief, crippling anxiety, and the demands that others' perceptions of us put on our lives and mental health.
Micah is dealing with the kind of grief and heartsickness that not everyone will be able to relate to, but I suspect that Lang has had familiarity with it or known someone who has. Micah shaped his entire life and identity around his (platonic) love for his best friend, and every aspiration he had was wound tightly around their bond. The (literal) death of this relationship leaves him adrift and doubting everything he experiences because everything feels dull and lackluster in a world without the person he has built his life around.
The grief is well-written without being downright depressing. The point is that Micah is still living, even through this, and that he finds new things to want and freedom in not wanting some old things even as he acknowledges that he will never be completely ok with the damage of the past. It is a very honest look at grief that doesn't try to sweep the pain of the past under a rug of a new romance.
Similarly well-handled is the anxiety that plagues Bellamy in his time off-stage. I was pleased that this anxiety was not simply cured by a budding romance, was not simply a quirk that Micah could overcome with kisses and hand-holding. Bellamy acknowledges his illness and the role it has had in making him who he is, and while he wants to have more control over it, he does not want to eradicate it completely or pretend that such a thing is possible. He is adamant about not wanting to be "fixed" and vacillates between a desire to be viewed as the unknowable rock idol and as his true, more fragile self. He is not only fragile though - his mental illness does not reduce him to a delicate flower - he has strength and purpose and a full awareness of himself, and he is beautiful and brave.
The romance is cute and heartwarming. I did feel that it happened a bit quickly, but I suppose close proximity on a tour bus would speed the process of falling for someone considerably. There was some desperation in the way the characters clung to each other, but they were self-reflective enough to avoid using each other as filler, and the way they learn to see each other as people is sweet.
I also liked the way the author spoke about music, and I (correctly) assumed that she had experience with instruments, probably the guitar, while reading.
Overall, I found this an enjoyable book. Fluffy enough for a quick read when my brain needed a break, but "real" enough to not be insulting and to give me something to think about. It is not a generic romance to be read and quickly forgotten, and I appreciate the effort that the author applied to her characters.

[Jeannie Zelos · Rating 3 out of 5]

Escaping Indigo, Eli Lang

Review from Jeannie Zelos book reviews

Genre:  Romance, LGBTQIA

There's bits I love about this story, the band and music parts, really made me feel I was on tour with the band but...the romance. It was subtle, so subtle it almost disappeared, and for me it didn't really work. 

I liked the guys, but poor Micah, he's had such a sad past, lost his best friend and still feels as if perhaps he could have done more, seen something, made Eric get help. I think we're all like that, feel a kind of survivors guilt sometimes and its played on Micah to the point he was really depressed.
Then Eric's brother gets him the job as a roadie for Escaping Indigo, a band Micah has always admired.

Its a kind of dream world, interacting daily with the band he's so long admired, looked up to, aspired to be like. Bellamy though is very quiet, and you can feel Micah always worrying he's in the way, going to cause offence, be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Poor guy doesn't know what he should do, and then Bellamy starts talking. It's a dream come true for Micah, and as they chat he begins to know Bellamy the man, not just Bellamy lead singer of the band. 
Its odd though, Bellamy himslef and others kind of warn him off, tell him to be carefully, with Bellamy saying he's no good for him, could hurt him etc one moment, and then worrying Micah is going to be like his ex, the last roadie and leave him.
He's pushing away at the same time as he's pulling Micah in and the poor boy is confused.
I so felt for him, he just wants to help, to be a friend and more, part of a couple and its what they do, help each other. Bellamy gets all hurt and offended though at Micah's suggestions and he's back to treading on eggshells trying to keep their relationship going without tipping Bellamy over. 

At times I wanted to smack Bellamy. Yes he's got issues, but he needs to decide what he wants to do, not blame everyone for wanting to help. It seems in the past everyone had just accepted he had moments, periods when he was...quiet, different, struggling and they all just worked round it. 

Its a sweet romance, and I really wanted things to work out but by the end I still wasn't sure whether what they were doing would be enough.
Its a very gentle romance, not a torrid sex-every-other-page read and that's fine by me, I want tenderness, sensuality not just sex and more sex.
Somehow though this book, while being a good read, made me feel part of the scene, didn't quite cut it for a romance read. 

Stars: Three, a gentle read, great band side but for me a slightly unsatisfying ending.

ARC supplied for review purposes by Netgalley and Publishers
 

[Krista · Rating 1 out of 5]

The story is self-absorbed with an air of melancholy that doesn't seem to lift. The pacing was just incredibly slow. I got so bored after the first 50 pages and had to force myself to finish the book. It was a struggle.

The story is told from Micah's POV. Micah (who was a drummer for some band nobody's ever heard of before) is dealing with the recent and sudden death of his best friend, decides to become a roadie for his favourite band (a low to mid popular indie band) and live his dreams out vicariously through them.

Micah's personality is stale and uninteresting. He's a drummer, he can draw and his best friend just died. That's really all the reader learns about him from him. The author tries to make him seem introspective with a bunch of longwinded prose but honestly, he's got to be the most boring POV character I've ever read from.

Bellamy is an equally shitty character. For the first half of the book he just seems like a really moody person. He was like angsty for the sake of being angsty. Micah of course wants to 'save him' but denies it to anyone you calls him out on it. (Micah needs to get his own shit together first). Everyone constantly dances around Bellamy trying not to say the wrong thing to set him off. The author also tries to make him seem introspective but it doesn't really work out. We later learn that Bellamy suffers from... anxiety. Ok. I guess that's now a valid excuse to treat everyone around you like shit (*that was obviously sarcasm..).

I'm not trying to make light of the mental health issues in this book. I just feel like they could have been better acknowledged and presented in a different way. For example Bellamy refuses treatment which is fine if that's his decision but it's not explained. I got the feeling his refusal is more for dramatical effect for the story. It just didn't sit well with me.


I found both main characters to be very unlikable with no redeeming qualities. Since I disliked the main characters so much I found the sex scenes to be... to be unsexy, leaving me feeling a little bit gross. It's equivalent to watching two very unattractive people make out. I love a good m/m sex scene but this was just No. Micah and Bellamy fell in love way to to fast. They went from hardly knowing anything about each other to having a fight to making up to pretty much being unable to live without each other.

Also the fact that every other page had the phrase "You okay?" directed to Bellamy or equivalently "Bellamy, you okay?" and "You okay, Bellamy?", had my eyes rolling hard.

[kory. · Rating 3 out of 5]

rep; micah (mc) is queer. bellamy (li) is queer and has anxiety and depression.

this reminds me of glitterland by alexis hall, because it had me emotional as fuck. same with that book, i wasn’t truly interested in the romance, but some of the angst got to me. as did all the discussion about grief. the focus on music and it’s importance to people is nice, too. i will say, though, that bellamy deserves better and we should have gotten his pov. okay. anyways.

this book has some pretty good passages about anxiety. how people downplay anxiety and think those with it are just being dramatic:

“if i tell someone, they’re just . . . going to tell me to suck it up or stop being so dramatic. that’s what people always say. because i’m never quite dramatic enough, never enough that anyone thinks something’s wrong.”

how people want to fix those with anxiety and get frustrated, blame the person with anxiety, and leave when they can’t:

“he raised his hands like he was trying to ward me off, and i shut my mouth. ‘i don’t want that, don’t you get it? i don’t want you to fix anything because you can’t. and if you start trying, you’ll only be disappointed with me, and you’ll leave.’”

how people can’t grasp someone who, for example, is a rock star having anxiety or being depressed because “they’re living the life” or similar bullshit:

“no one wants to believe a rock star when he tells them he’s depressed or anxious. i have the perfect life, you know? why would i be depressed?”

how people think anxiety is a cute quirk:

“‘i think,’ tuck said, slow, ‘people think about anxiety like this . . . cute little quirk. like some minor social annoyance that people have. and i’m not saying that some people don’t have it like that. fuck, man, i don’t really know anything about it. but i know that with bellamy, it isn’t . . . small like that. it’s a big thing. sometimes it’s gone and he’s fine and you’d never know at all. and sometimes something so tiny sets him off and he sinks into it, and it’s like he can’t figure out what move to make at all. it becomes something else. it traps him. it’s scary and it’s debilitating.’”

the character with anxiety, bellamy, seems to have a bit of internalized ableism going on and it’s never really addressed, just sort of used as a prop for the main character, micah, to reassure him and be the “hero” who still loves and accepts him even with a mental illness. which, also. bellamy’s anxiety is pretty much just a plot device for micah; he’s afraid of it and wants to fix bellamy and pretty much strips bellamy of his autonomy over his mental illness and treatment, but then eventually comes to understand it and realizes his ableist mindset and accepts and loves him despite it. that aspect of the story really bothers me. especially how pushy micah is about treatment. he dismisses and downplays bellamy’s feelings on the topic and continues to ask and suggest seeing someone or taking something. bellamy being adamant about not wanting medication or therapy, until he thinks micah won’t want to be with him if he doesn’t seek treatment is gross, too. it also bothers me how for someone who admits multiple times not knowing anything about anxiety or medication or therapy, micah sure does have a lot to say about how bellamy is wrong for thinking this or not doing that. it’s very...condescending. also, the fact that bellamy’s anxiety is treated as a sort of dark secret or big reveal is...not the best.

micah’s insistence that he’s just a lowly roadie and bellamy is some god-like rock star makes the relationship seem very imbalanced. bellamy says over and over that he does not micah to see him like that, and all the way through to the end, micah has him on a pedestal and keeps expecting bellamy to realize he can do better. it’s invalidating to bellamy’s own feelings, and again, makes the relationship seem uneven. he even projects it onto bellamy after they have a fight, thinking “am i always just going to be the roadie to him,” and like...he never once thought that. and it contradicts micah’s reassurance that he doesn’t want or need bellamy to be perfect. you can’t accept someone for the flawed human they are, while you’re putting them on a pedestal and still see them as a the rock star you once idolized from a distance.

the phrase “just friends” is used, and “crutch” is used as a negative thing, in the context of medication being seen as a “crutch.” when in reality crutches support you, not hinder you.

“he sighed through his nose and kicked his feet against the scuffed-up dirt below the swing. ‘you’re not. and i do understand the point you’re making. it’s just . . . it’s my choice. i still get a choice. i don’t even like talking about it. i don’t . . . i don’t like people looking at me and seeing . . . someone who’s damaged.’”

i found that relatable. feeling like people try to take away your choice in the matter when they learn about your anxiety, it’s all you should do this, you should do that, you should take this, you should try that. even the not talking about it thing, because when you do people look at you or treat you like you’re broken or damaged. bellamy doesn’t think he’s damaged, he says as much later in that conversation, he just hates that other people think that about him.

“‘it’s a bad thing,’ he said after a long minute. his voice was soft but sure. the way he said it, i could almost hear the capitalization of the word bad. such a simple word. but i knew it was the worst thing he could think of to describe it—it was simple and awful. ‘it tells me that, just because i did something once—wrote a song, wrote an album, had success—it doesn’t mean i can do it again. it tells me that maybe this will fail. that maybe everything will fall apart. not only the band, or the music, but everything. you. us. everything.’ he glanced at me, and one side of his smile quirked up. ‘i know how weird that sounds. how illogical. i know it doesn’t run on a schedule or look like what anyone expects it to look like, and that makes it hard to believe. but that’s just . . . it’s how it works.’ he reached up, ran a hand through his hair. ‘i can feel it in me, weighing on me, but there’s nothing i can do about it. knowing it’s there, knowing it’ll go away eventually, doesn’t mean i can make it less real right now. i know i just have to get through it, but getting through it is hard.’”

“‘i didn’t want anyone to try to fix me," he said, so soft i had to lean toward him to hear. ‘i hate everything about being . . . like this. anxious. depressed. fucked up. whatever you want to call it.’ he was staring straight ahead again, but his hands were in his lap this time, not wrapped so tightly around the chains. ‘i hate feeling it, and i hate what it does to me and how i can’t explain it, and when i try, people look at me like talking about it is what makes me nuts. i just, when i’m in it, i just want it to stop. i feel so empty. and it hurts so much.’”

[Susan65 · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Blogger Girls

I love rock star main characters, especially those who are passionate on the stage, but full of humility when off. Bellamy is such a rock star, but he is also suffering from internal strife. Micah was a drummer in his own band, but is now a roadie for Bellamy’s band, Escaping Indigo. These two guys are so weighted down in melancholy that I never thought the story was going to give them, and the reader, some peace. I understand that life doesn’t always have a full course happy ending, but this one was kind of depressing me. I think it may have been better for me if there was more dialogue and less descriptive details that took pages before getting to another word spoken between the characters. The writing is beautiful, but I am more a fan of letting the dialogue tell the story kind of reader.

Don’t get me wrong, the guys do end up with a happy-for-now, and hopefully in the upcoming books we get some Bellamy and Micah sightings that will lead them to a full on Happy-ever-after. It just was too heavy a topic to end that way in this first book. This story reminded me, in a way, of maybe what Chester Bennington of Linkin Park may have been dealing with. Bellamy is famous, and popular, and seems to have everything going for him, but in his own head he gets lost and struggles to enjoy what he’s been successful at doing. Micah is a fan and grieving over the loss of his band-mate/best friend. I understand losing someone so close to you, but it seemed that Eric was more a lost lover than a best friend. I am still a little depressed writing this review, so I think I may take a little break and read something sunshiny before continuing this series.

Overall Impression: It was good!

[Joyfully Jay · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Joyfully Jay review.

4 stars

This book is an introspective, soft, and quiet book. I would say that you would have to be in the mood for this type of story and this one caught me on the right day to enjoy it. I also feel that the enjoyment of this book hinges on if you enjoy being in Micah’s head. The story is told from his point of view and the book is completely character driven. Micah, as well as Bellamy, are both in difficult spots mentally and their struggles drive the story.

Micah is trying to move forward after the death of Eric. They were the best of friends and did everything together. They did not have a romantic relationship, but their lives were so intertwined and Micah’s love of music grew because everything was better when he shared it with Eric. Now that Eric is gone, Micah doesn’t know what to do with himself and what to do with his music.

Micah has been a long time fan of the band Escaping Indigo and has looked up to Bellamy as a performer. Bellamy projects a cool and confident vibe on stage, but after spending time with Bellamy off stage, he realizes that Bellamy is not all that confident and has to reconcile how the two sides to Bellamy’s personality fit together. The men are drawn to each other and it’s not only because they spend all of their time together on tour. But Bellamy doesn’t like to talk about his anxiety issues and the fact that he doesn’t talk about it is what drove away his last boyfriend.

Read Michelle's review in its entirety here.