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Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness
New York magazine's "Science of Us" editor explains the compelling psychology of awkwardness, and asks: what if the moments that make us feel most awkward are actually valuable?
Have you ever said goodbye to someone, only to discover that you're both walking in the same direction? Or had your next thought fly out of your brain in the middle of a presentation? Or accidentally liked an old photo on someone's Instagram or Facebook, thus revealing yourself to be a creepy social media stalker?
Melissa Dahl, editor of New York magazine's "Science of Us" website, has. After a lifetime of cringing, she became intrigued by awkwardness: a universal but underappreciated emotion. In this witty and compassionate book, Dahl explores the oddest, cringiest corners of our world. She chats with strangers on the busy New York City subway, goes on awkward friend dates using a "Tinder-for-friendship" app, takes improv comedy lessons, and even reads aloud from her (highly embarrassing!) middle school diary to a crowd of strangers.
After all of that, she realizes: Awkward moments are opportunities to test yourself. When everyone else is pretending to have it under control, you can be a little braver and grow a little bigger--while remaining true to your awkward self. And along the way, you might find that awkward moments unite us in our mutual human ridiculousness.
Have you ever said goodbye to someone, only to discover that you're both walking in the same direction? Or had your next thought fly out of your brain in the middle of a presentation? Or accidentally liked an old photo on someone's Instagram or Facebook, thus revealing yourself to be a creepy social media stalker?
Melissa Dahl, editor of New York magazine's "Science of Us" website, has. After a lifetime of cringing, she became intrigued by awkwardness: a universal but underappreciated emotion. In this witty and compassionate book, Dahl explores the oddest, cringiest corners of our world. She chats with strangers on the busy New York City subway, goes on awkward friend dates using a "Tinder-for-friendship" app, takes improv comedy lessons, and even reads aloud from her (highly embarrassing!) middle school diary to a crowd of strangers.
After all of that, she realizes: Awkward moments are opportunities to test yourself. When everyone else is pretending to have it under control, you can be a little braver and grow a little bigger--while remaining true to your awkward self. And along the way, you might find that awkward moments unite us in our mutual human ridiculousness.
6 pages, Audiobook
First published February 13, 2018
174 people are currently reading
8958 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 195 reviews
February 21, 2018
Being human is exhausting and embarrasing.
March 6, 2021
Вполне пристойный, хоть и немного утомительный нон-фик в том числе и об этом вот явлении, когда ты ложишься спать, ужасно устав, и вдруг мозг такой: «А ПОМНИШЬ, КАК В ДЕВЯТОМ КЛАССЕ ТЕБЯ НЕ ПРИГЛАСИЛИ ТАНЦЕВАТЬ НА ОГОНЬКЕ?»
February 18, 2018
While one might argue that I'm biased since I was interviewed for this book (which was tons of fun!), I can genuinely say it's a really engaging read. I found myself nodding along, cringing at the various awkward encounters described, and cringing because of my own awkward experiences. But that's the point- awkwardness is universal. This book will cause you to examine and re-examine your own awkward experiences, and will give you just a bit more wisdom to carry with you for future awkward encounters. And most of all, it'll make you feel understood.
September 12, 2018
I liked this book enough to give it 3 stars. I didn't love it, but it was enjoyable. We read it for my work's book club and I wouldn't have picked it up otherwise.
Some things Dahl did were truly cringeworthy but others (such as going to a movie by yourself, eating out by yourself, talking with others near you while waiting for the train to come) seemed like the most low-key cringeworthy moments I could think of. Literally, who cares. People do those all the time and they aren't that awkward. I can think of much more awkward moments that I would love to learn how to recover from. My cringeworthy moments/concerns are more along the lines of "What do I do if I full blown piss my pants from laughter while at work? Do I just leave for the day and claim I have an emergency?" OR "What if I burst out laughing in a meeting because everyone is so serious and I just physically can't handle it?" OR "How do I recover when the day comes that I literally bite my coworkers head off when they tell me 'excuse you' instead of 'bless you' after I sneeze? Like I am NOT farting over here so just don't comment on my sneezing actions! Just say nothing like E V E R Y O N E else."
Bummed there is not more science behind embarrassing/cringeworthy moments. (Side note: I am starting to say the word "cringe" all the time and that's also a bummer for all those who talk with me frequently, lol).
I really despised how Dahl would CONSTANTLY refer back to previously written content in the book. In the last chapter, there were at least four callbacks. Callbacks like "...if you remember from Chapter 4", "...earlier in Chapter 5", "...[name], who we met back in Chapter 2", "...as I mentioned in Chapter 1,". It was seriously unbearable for me. Like, we get it gurl, you mentioned this earlier. You don't need to remind me because I was paying attention. Lord knows I am not flipping back to double check on what you wrote because I don't care THAT much.
Overall though, I know I am throwing shade, but the book did remind me that I should embrace awkward moments (even though I tried to do this pre-reading this book, now I mean it more). I hope that I can better embrace those awkward moments by reminding myself that we have all been there before, you aren't as unique as you think (supposedly), and just own your words (and actions) even when they are verbal diarrhea. Awkward moments are humorous and everyone loves humor.
Some things Dahl did were truly cringeworthy but others (such as going to a movie by yourself, eating out by yourself, talking with others near you while waiting for the train to come) seemed like the most low-key cringeworthy moments I could think of. Literally, who cares. People do those all the time and they aren't that awkward. I can think of much more awkward moments that I would love to learn how to recover from. My cringeworthy moments/concerns are more along the lines of "What do I do if I full blown piss my pants from laughter while at work? Do I just leave for the day and claim I have an emergency?" OR "What if I burst out laughing in a meeting because everyone is so serious and I just physically can't handle it?" OR "How do I recover when the day comes that I literally bite my coworkers head off when they tell me 'excuse you' instead of 'bless you' after I sneeze? Like I am NOT farting over here so just don't comment on my sneezing actions! Just say nothing like E V E R Y O N E else."
Bummed there is not more science behind embarrassing/cringeworthy moments. (Side note: I am starting to say the word "cringe" all the time and that's also a bummer for all those who talk with me frequently, lol).
I really despised how Dahl would CONSTANTLY refer back to previously written content in the book. In the last chapter, there were at least four callbacks. Callbacks like "...if you remember from Chapter 4", "...earlier in Chapter 5", "...[name], who we met back in Chapter 2", "...as I mentioned in Chapter 1,". It was seriously unbearable for me. Like, we get it gurl, you mentioned this earlier. You don't need to remind me because I was paying attention. Lord knows I am not flipping back to double check on what you wrote because I don't care THAT much.
Overall though, I know I am throwing shade, but the book did remind me that I should embrace awkward moments (even though I tried to do this pre-reading this book, now I mean it more). I hope that I can better embrace those awkward moments by reminding myself that we have all been there before, you aren't as unique as you think (supposedly), and just own your words (and actions) even when they are verbal diarrhea. Awkward moments are humorous and everyone loves humor.
February 17, 2018
Dahl is a great writer; she is light-hearted and entertaining, and made me giggle out loud on several occasions as I read through her adventures in awkwardness. As a sociologist and academic, I know first hand how tedious and dry peer reviewed articles can be, so I appreciate Dahl's ability to sum up research in an accessible and relatable way. And as someone who is also introverted and awkward, I feel like I learned a bit about myself from reading this book.
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June 10, 2020Pretty good!
February 22, 2018
This book was so much fun, and had some lovely insights. I enjoyed it from start to finish, and really felt encouraged to embrace the awkward. A fun and uplifting read!
August 13, 2018
This was a fun and easy read. Lost of interesting facts, stories, and tips. I'm not going to join an improv group anytime soon, but I do feel better equipped at dealing with cringe.
April 18, 2018
Had the privilege of getting an advance copy of this book, and it really is worth your time and investment. We all get embarrassed or let fear of it dictate our lives, but Dahl really gets into the nitty gritty of how and why this happens to us, providing a lot of insight into the human condition as she does so. Being seen reading Cringeworthy is certainly nothing to be embarrassed about.
April 11, 2018
I wanted this to have more physiological grounding but it read like a memoir. I did appreciate the examples of modern-day awkward experiences, and had plenty of "oh man, been there!" moments, but I was left wanting more.
September 4, 2018
Really glad to have read this book. It really does help to put the cringe-worthy moments in an individual's past in perspective with the whole of humanity. Everyone has things from their past that they are not glad to think about, and that perspective helps a ton.
April 14, 2018
I picked up this book thinking it was just going to be amusing stories about embarrassing things that happen to us. There was some of that, but it was a lot more scholarly than I expected, very informative and educational.
I especially like what she says about self-talk; my version of self-talk has always been to remember something stupid I've done, and tell myself, "You're such an idiot!!" Melissa reminds us to use self-talk to affirm and encourage ourselves; and to not always use first-person. Sometimes it's better to use a distant perspective. This is very true, and be helpful when you are trying to make peace with a past cringe-worthy moment or gear yourself up for an awkward or difficult situation.
Her last paragraph summed it up and if this was all I had read would have made the book worth-while for me. (I'm glad I didn't just read that, but you get my point.)
Melissa writes:"Once you can laugh at yourself, you're home free.....I was hoping that by the end I would've figured out how to construct a sturdy barrier between me and all the things that make me cringe. But now I'm so grateful for this odd little emotion......There will always be awkwardness and the only way to keep it from isolating us if we start cringing together." I couldn't have said it better myself.
I especially like what she says about self-talk; my version of self-talk has always been to remember something stupid I've done, and tell myself, "You're such an idiot!!" Melissa reminds us to use self-talk to affirm and encourage ourselves; and to not always use first-person. Sometimes it's better to use a distant perspective. This is very true, and be helpful when you are trying to make peace with a past cringe-worthy moment or gear yourself up for an awkward or difficult situation.
Her last paragraph summed it up and if this was all I had read would have made the book worth-while for me. (I'm glad I didn't just read that, but you get my point.)
Melissa writes:"Once you can laugh at yourself, you're home free.....I was hoping that by the end I would've figured out how to construct a sturdy barrier between me and all the things that make me cringe. But now I'm so grateful for this odd little emotion......There will always be awkwardness and the only way to keep it from isolating us if we start cringing together." I couldn't have said it better myself.
July 13, 2025
I've reached out for this book because:
- it has got very popular recently
- I'm generally interested in behavioral psychology
- it was on sale ;)
but I was afraid it's a book about: inventing a problem & dealing with this artificial creation. Unfortunately I was correct ;/
The book generally is a waste of time and doesn't bring much value. What is even worse, it's not coherent "internally" - there are chapters that give you advice on how to avoid making others feel awkward/cringey, and then there's another chapter that claims that it does not matter and one should not care. It's also peppered with a lot of b*shit like "microexpressions" (not microaggresions, but equally dumb). Anyway, just avoid.
And you want to learn a bit about how to think about making others awkward or feeling awkward because of what others do/say, reach out to what the ancient stoics said - this is much more useful and wise.
- it has got very popular recently
- I'm generally interested in behavioral psychology
- it was on sale ;)
but I was afraid it's a book about: inventing a problem & dealing with this artificial creation. Unfortunately I was correct ;/
The book generally is a waste of time and doesn't bring much value. What is even worse, it's not coherent "internally" - there are chapters that give you advice on how to avoid making others feel awkward/cringey, and then there's another chapter that claims that it does not matter and one should not care. It's also peppered with a lot of b*shit like "microexpressions" (not microaggresions, but equally dumb). Anyway, just avoid.
And you want to learn a bit about how to think about making others awkward or feeling awkward because of what others do/say, reach out to what the ancient stoics said - this is much more useful and wise.
April 29, 2018
This book was more a 4.5. Topic was fascinating, and I'm taking away two main things.
1) the existence of the irreconcilable gap (the gap between how I see myself and how I think others see myself)
2) high self-clarity (not self-esteem) is what I want to have, to feel less awkward and comfortable under my own skin.
I really enjoyed how straightforward and easy of a read this was (or listen, in my case, narrated by the author). Not too much fluff is always good!
1) the existence of the irreconcilable gap (the gap between how I see myself and how I think others see myself)
2) high self-clarity (not self-esteem) is what I want to have, to feel less awkward and comfortable under my own skin.
I really enjoyed how straightforward and easy of a read this was (or listen, in my case, narrated by the author). Not too much fluff is always good!
July 26, 2024
I thought this was a nice mix of psychology and personal examples to help us all embrace the awkward.
Audio
Audio
October 8, 2019
This should have been an article and not a book. It sounds more like memoir and the author talks mainly about herself. There isn't much science or real, specific, more scientific discussion on the topic and ways to overcome this. I expected more but key takeaways can be:
1. How you see yourself is different of how others see you.
2. Be more self-aware and comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes people don’t even pay as much attention to you as you imagine.
3. Talk to yourself in 3rd person so you show more compassion to yourself.
4. Improv classes help to increase your self-esteem and overcome awkwardness.
5. Sometimes uncertainty makes us feel awkward or uncomfortable. Pausing in conversation can be useful tactic (awkward silence).
1. How you see yourself is different of how others see you.
2. Be more self-aware and comfortable in your own skin. Sometimes people don’t even pay as much attention to you as you imagine.
3. Talk to yourself in 3rd person so you show more compassion to yourself.
4. Improv classes help to increase your self-esteem and overcome awkwardness.
5. Sometimes uncertainty makes us feel awkward or uncomfortable. Pausing in conversation can be useful tactic (awkward silence).
April 29, 2018
Cringeworthy: A Theory of Awkwardness wasn't worth the read. I picked it up on a whim, and now that I've finished it I'm not sure it should be classified as it is, as some kind of Mary Roach-esque quirky scientific book about awkwardness. Instead, it seemed more like author Melissa Dahl wanted to talk about herself and her experiences—largely, her coming to terms with her own awkwardness. That's all well and good in short snippets here and there, but it seemed like if Dahl was going to focus so much on her own awkward experiences, she should have written a memoir rather than a pseudo-scientific book. Some parts were engaging and interesting, but most of the book was a slog.
March 17, 2021
4.5! A fun, "pop psych" read, interspersed with personal anecdotes and lots of further reading material. The idea that cringe moments occur when your "private self" and "public self" converge really spoke to me. Interestingly, "The Vanishing Half, another book I read semi-recently, also touches on life as performative, and on the construction of the projected self. Looking forward to reading Erving Goffman on this!
April 23, 2018
Do you ever look back at your former self and realize what a dork you were? Do these memories haunt you? If so, Cringeworthy is the book for you! Melissa Dahl uses humor and compassion to explain these cringeworthy moments, and provides tools to help ease these memories into something less painful. A funny, heartwarming, relatable Good Read!
April 5, 2018
By turns hilarious and poignant, Dahl’s addictively readable Cringeworthy offers a touching portrayal of humanity at its most vulnerable, but it also provides a message of hope: the very moments we shrink from have the power to strengthen us and bring us closer together.
February 19, 2018
I kept seeing this advertised/mentioned in a couple of articles earlier this week so I decided to pick up a copy of it and I'm so glad I did! It's such an enjoyable read- engaging and funny and (literally) personally well-researched. Melissa Dahl explores what it means to be awkward and, in doing so, sets out on a journey of sorts to see if she can 'cure' herself of her awkwardness. I enjoyed this book for a multitude of reasons (1- I'm awkward AF and I've yet to come across another self-helpish/psychology book that focuses solely on awkwardness) but primarily because it was refreshing and interesting to read about Melissa Dahl not only reaching out to experts in the field but also actually putting herself through a lot of uncomfortable situations in order to thoroughly research her topic (beginner improv, Mortified auditions, professional cuddling (!!), etc.).
(sidenote: I'm now extremely tempted to try beginner/amateur improv in my journey to cure myself of my crippling awkwardness...but we'll see how long it takes for me to muster up the courage to sign up for a class)
(sidenote: I'm now extremely tempted to try beginner/amateur improv in my journey to cure myself of my crippling awkwardness...but we'll see how long it takes for me to muster up the courage to sign up for a class)
February 1, 2018
So many science books out there feel like eating spinach -- yes, it's good for you! But it's also not the most exciting thing in the world.
What Melissa Dahl has done with Cringeworthy is remarkable. By looking at her topic through a first-person lens, she manages to weave the science in with really humorous anecdotes.
I got an advanced copy and tore through it in two sittings. Even though it's non-fiction, it's a bit of a page-turner with a surprising amount of heart!
5/5 stars, would recommend to anyone who's experienced middle school!
What Melissa Dahl has done with Cringeworthy is remarkable. By looking at her topic through a first-person lens, she manages to weave the science in with really humorous anecdotes.
I got an advanced copy and tore through it in two sittings. Even though it's non-fiction, it's a bit of a page-turner with a surprising amount of heart!
5/5 stars, would recommend to anyone who's experienced middle school!
April 11, 2018
This is the first audio book I've listened to all the way through... The only reason is because I had a free book credit on Audible. The low rating I gave this book may have been a bit higher had I actually read the book, but I just couldn't seem to remain interested in the topic while listening to it. Some parts were funny, but overall I felt like it was missing something. I do commend the author for immersing herself in awkward situations though! It made me evaluate my own life and how I interpret things compared to those around me.
April 27, 2018
Loved the topic and enjoyed the parts that I read but had a hard time staying interested in the topic as a bit too dry for my taste. Barely made it half-way through and had to abandon as knew I’d never finish it.
July 30, 2023
so i'm on the hunt for a philosophical treatise on cringe, and this wasn't it. but like obviously this isn't it, i can't really knock the author for not writing what i was looking for. part memoir, lots of pop psychology, but a fun heartening read and a good start to my cringe RESEARCH
February 26, 2018
Loved the effort Melissa Dahl makes to constantly prove her point. The book is really straightforward and her experiences are hilarious. I had a great time reading it.
October 11, 2024
This was a pretty interesting read. I listened to the audio book, but I might recommend reading this one, as she references some pretty good studies that are harder to look up when listening!
March 2, 2018
She had me at the first sentence. Fansons for life! This book made me feel less alone in my awkwardly embarrassing existence. If Only our cringeworthy moments could be gone in an Mmmbop. :)
June 19, 2018
As a gawky, angsty teenager, I had this idea that when I grew up I’d no longer be such an awkward, nervous little mental case. Well, I’m 37-years-old now, a husband and a father, and I’m still hoping that someday I won’t feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I’d always considered my social anxieties and missteps to be personality flaws in need of repair which is why Melissa Dahl’s “Cringeworthy: A Theory Of Awkwardness” came as such a revelation. As the science editor for “New York” magazine, she theorizes that awkwardness could be the key to making us more empathic, self-aware, and complete individuals. Huh? Sign me up, right? How do I do that? Easy, says Dahl: embrace your awkwardness! Oh boy...
Steeped in hard science and thoroughly researched, “Cringeworthy” is actually a really fun read. In her quest to understand awkwardness, Dahl subjects herself to a bunch of embarrassing situations, like taking an improv class, reading her teenage diary for a room full of strangers, and trying a “Tinder-for-friendship” app to meet people; it’s all very amusing and more than a little vicariously awkward. These stories serve a purpose, though: they argue that awkwardness isn’t really all that bad. Sure, it feels awful in the moment but studies show that people are not judging you as much as you’d think and, with time and exposure, you can minimize the feeling of embarrassment while getting a clearer sense of your personality and social role. On the flip side, avoiding awkwardness can make it harder to have deeper and more worthwhile and thoughtful interactions with others. I found the book to be enormously interesting and informative. Dahl knows her stuff but “Cringeworthy” doesn’t get gummed up with overly technical writing or dry case studies. Dahl’s expertise, curiosity, and sense of adventure keeps the book light and genial, even when she’s writing about some really excruciating experiences.
I’ve been a “manny” - a “male nanny” - for over a decade now and that part of my career is coming to an end shortly. Before reading “Cringeworthy,” I was legitimately scared at the prospect of having to participate in more interactions with adults; I’m out of practice and I saw my awkwardness as a liability. After reading “Cringeworthy,” however, I feel more confident. Awkward interactions are inevitable; I have a better sense now that it truly does happen to everyone, and I have the tools to keep it in perspective, perhaps to even prevent future “cringe attacks” (read the book to find out about those, they’re fascinating). Awkwardness doesn’t have to be a character flaw. Thanks to Melissa Dahl and “Cringeworthy,” I’ve started to see it as a superpower (okay, that was nerdy way to put it... *cringe*).
Steeped in hard science and thoroughly researched, “Cringeworthy” is actually a really fun read. In her quest to understand awkwardness, Dahl subjects herself to a bunch of embarrassing situations, like taking an improv class, reading her teenage diary for a room full of strangers, and trying a “Tinder-for-friendship” app to meet people; it’s all very amusing and more than a little vicariously awkward. These stories serve a purpose, though: they argue that awkwardness isn’t really all that bad. Sure, it feels awful in the moment but studies show that people are not judging you as much as you’d think and, with time and exposure, you can minimize the feeling of embarrassment while getting a clearer sense of your personality and social role. On the flip side, avoiding awkwardness can make it harder to have deeper and more worthwhile and thoughtful interactions with others. I found the book to be enormously interesting and informative. Dahl knows her stuff but “Cringeworthy” doesn’t get gummed up with overly technical writing or dry case studies. Dahl’s expertise, curiosity, and sense of adventure keeps the book light and genial, even when she’s writing about some really excruciating experiences.
I’ve been a “manny” - a “male nanny” - for over a decade now and that part of my career is coming to an end shortly. Before reading “Cringeworthy,” I was legitimately scared at the prospect of having to participate in more interactions with adults; I’m out of practice and I saw my awkwardness as a liability. After reading “Cringeworthy,” however, I feel more confident. Awkward interactions are inevitable; I have a better sense now that it truly does happen to everyone, and I have the tools to keep it in perspective, perhaps to even prevent future “cringe attacks” (read the book to find out about those, they’re fascinating). Awkwardness doesn’t have to be a character flaw. Thanks to Melissa Dahl and “Cringeworthy,” I’ve started to see it as a superpower (okay, that was nerdy way to put it... *cringe*).
July 28, 2024
Overall, the book was fine.
I primarily want to comment on her woke section, where she goes to do the work and talk about racism. She, of course, mentions the awkwardness involved and brings up DiAngelo's concept of white fragility.
Anyhow, I grew up in a context that was not obsessed with race. I knew racism was wrong and to be racist was unthinkable, it seemed absurd to prejudge someone based on the color of their skin tone. I saw skin color like I'd see the color of hair or someone's eye color, it said nothing about the person's beliefs, character, politics, preferences, or tendencies. I could, therefore, view black people as unique individuals that I wanted to get to know. I was not inclined towards any prejudgment (later on, I took the test and showed no implicit bias towards black people either). I lived in New Orleans for almost a decade, during which time I worked with and was surrounded by black people, and was perfectly comfortable--I was not self-conscious, or stressed, and there was no tension or awkwardness. I got to enjoy the bliss and benefits of what is meant by "colorblindness". But sadly, all of this was to change with Michael Brown's death and BLM. The new obsession with race made me self-conscious, unsure of what to say, unsure of how to act, and desirous of avoiding black people. I truly despise how popular culture thought the way to put out the lingering fires of racism in society was by dumping gasoline on it, and making everyone obsessed with race.
I have a friend who had a similar experience with homosexuals. She was in theater and a majority of those she worked with were gay. She thought nothing of it, enjoying their friendship and they enjoying hers, with no awkwardness at all. But then the world turned utterly obsessed over LBGT issues, and as a straight woman, gone was the ease--it was replaced with awkwardness.
What Melissa does not seem to recognize is that what DiAngelo is doing is like selling snake oil. The "cure" causes the problem that it is supposed to address. The more treatment, the worse your sickness, and thus the more money you need to hand to these multimillionaire DEI peddlers.
DiAngelo will tell white people that everything thought, every word, and every deed is racist; that they have the original sin of whiteness and they are totally depraved, meaning every word they say is racist and perpetuates racial harm and every word they don't say perpetuates racial harm. To be around BIPOC people is to spread white toxicity and oppression, yet to not be present is racist. There is literally no way not to be racist as a white person. And after this, then DiAngelo is like loosen up! Stop being so awkward around people of color! Stop being so fragile! Give more money to BIPOC people, and keep doing the work. In other words, keep imbibing the poison that will make you more awkward and ironically more racist--prejudging everyone based upon skin tone.
I primarily want to comment on her woke section, where she goes to do the work and talk about racism. She, of course, mentions the awkwardness involved and brings up DiAngelo's concept of white fragility.
Anyhow, I grew up in a context that was not obsessed with race. I knew racism was wrong and to be racist was unthinkable, it seemed absurd to prejudge someone based on the color of their skin tone. I saw skin color like I'd see the color of hair or someone's eye color, it said nothing about the person's beliefs, character, politics, preferences, or tendencies. I could, therefore, view black people as unique individuals that I wanted to get to know. I was not inclined towards any prejudgment (later on, I took the test and showed no implicit bias towards black people either). I lived in New Orleans for almost a decade, during which time I worked with and was surrounded by black people, and was perfectly comfortable--I was not self-conscious, or stressed, and there was no tension or awkwardness. I got to enjoy the bliss and benefits of what is meant by "colorblindness". But sadly, all of this was to change with Michael Brown's death and BLM. The new obsession with race made me self-conscious, unsure of what to say, unsure of how to act, and desirous of avoiding black people. I truly despise how popular culture thought the way to put out the lingering fires of racism in society was by dumping gasoline on it, and making everyone obsessed with race.
I have a friend who had a similar experience with homosexuals. She was in theater and a majority of those she worked with were gay. She thought nothing of it, enjoying their friendship and they enjoying hers, with no awkwardness at all. But then the world turned utterly obsessed over LBGT issues, and as a straight woman, gone was the ease--it was replaced with awkwardness.
What Melissa does not seem to recognize is that what DiAngelo is doing is like selling snake oil. The "cure" causes the problem that it is supposed to address. The more treatment, the worse your sickness, and thus the more money you need to hand to these multimillionaire DEI peddlers.
DiAngelo will tell white people that everything thought, every word, and every deed is racist; that they have the original sin of whiteness and they are totally depraved, meaning every word they say is racist and perpetuates racial harm and every word they don't say perpetuates racial harm. To be around BIPOC people is to spread white toxicity and oppression, yet to not be present is racist. There is literally no way not to be racist as a white person. And after this, then DiAngelo is like loosen up! Stop being so awkward around people of color! Stop being so fragile! Give more money to BIPOC people, and keep doing the work. In other words, keep imbibing the poison that will make you more awkward and ironically more racist--prejudging everyone based upon skin tone.
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