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Aussöhnung mit dem inneren Kind

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Die Quelle der Lebensfreude in uns selbst
Durch die Integration des Kindes in uns können wir als Erwachsene unser volles Potential entfalten. Denn nur so werden Verletzungen aus der Kindheit unser Leben nicht länger vergiften und stören. Erschließen Sie sich eine sprudelnde Quelle von Kreativität, Lebensfreude und Vitalität, indem Sie sich Ihrem inneren Kind zuwenden.

260 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 20, 1990

258 people are currently reading
1353 people want to read

About the author

Erika J. Chopich

11 books8 followers

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5 stars
229 (42%)
4 stars
182 (33%)
3 stars
81 (15%)
2 stars
37 (6%)
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11 (2%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
Profile Image for Steph.
878 reviews481 followers
September 3, 2021
my experience with self-improvement books is limited, and this one's title is honestly embarrassing. but i've been meaning to work on inner child reparenting, and this seemed like a good place to start!

i was initially skeptical about "aloneness" being something that requires healing, but the main thesis of the book is that most adults have abandoned their inner child, which creates a sense of deep inner loneliness. by reconnecting with our inner child, we can heal and become fulfilled.

the authors are adamant that in order to successfully reparent your inner child, you must dialogue with the child regularly. it's not enough to read the book and understand the concepts; you must put in the work. i really enjoyed learning more about dynamics between my inner child and inner adult, and though i haven't attempted a dialogue yet, the increased self awareness has been helpful.

here are some particularly useful points:

‣ many self destructive behaviors and relationship dysfunctions can be traced back to the desperate neediness of the lonely inner child, whose self worth is tied to the affection they get from others:

Every child needs approval. When it cannot get approval from the inner adult, then it has no choice but to try to get love and approval from others. The individual's sense of adequacy and lovability become attached to the approval of others when its inner adult is unloving. This is neediness - needing others to make us feel okay about ourselves. This neediness for external approval sets up deep fears of rejection and domination from those whose approval the child wants. Approval, sex, and love become the way the inner child tries to escape its unbearable aloneness, never realizing that external connection with others cannot occur without internal connection to oneself.


‣ it is possible to cultivate a happy, healthy, and well-loved inner child. when they are cared for, the inner child is loving, sensitive, passionate, creative, playful, inquisitive, trusting, and kind.

‣ a loving inner adult is willing to listen to the emotions of the inner child. they are compassionate, honest, rational, patient, caring, and take responsibility for healing. they correct the inner child's harmful false beliefs, and give the inner child permission to follow their bliss.

‣ it can be valuable to think about how old your inner child is, and find a picture of yourself at that age. put it somewhere where you see it often, and let it act as a reminder of this vulnerable part of yourself.

the book provides questions to ask while dialoguing with the inner child, and even therapy transcripts to provide examples. i really appreciate the guidance, and will definitely refer back when i do try a dialogue.

my main criticism of the book is that the authors argue that every aspect of mental health boils down to the inner child / inner adult relationship, and that most of the world's problems would be solved if everyone healed their inner child. while reparenting techniques are useful, the exaggerations are BS and tainted my trust in the authors.

also, there's a bizarre passage in the chapter about mothering where they argue that many lesbians are actually straight, and their needy inner child projects sexual attraction onto friendships with women. it's a fucked up claim to make, but hey, i guess that's what happens when you read a self help book from 1990!
Profile Image for Gohnar23 (hiatus but still reading).
1,092 reviews38 followers
February 20, 2025
Books read & reviewed: 8️⃣0️⃣🥖4️⃣0️⃣0️⃣


╔⏤⏤⏤╝❀╚⏤⏤⏤╗


5️⃣🌟, the little prince but make it nonfiction
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➕➖0️⃣1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣4️⃣5️⃣6️⃣7️⃣8️⃣9️⃣🔟✖️➗

One thing that i noticed from this book is that the advices that this book gives i think i already do to myself in my everyday life

because rebellion or something?

I dont know bruh

I would actually recommend this book to many people that i think would absolutely enjoy this because this is an absolute must read for anyone and everyone.

This is like so "The Little Prince" Coded its actually intimidating. Put it inthe best books shelf❕❗. This reminds me too much of the little prince :) but make it nonfiction. This books talk about the child, the inner child and the adult that will have in the situation through actions that can solve the problems faced by the inner child, it tells you that you just need to LISTEN, ye you heard that, Lishenn to that voice in your head saying what you want to do and what are the appropriate actions to be able to achieve it.



✧・゚: *✧・゚:*Pre-Read✧・゚: *✧・゚:*

Oo psychology book about your "inner" "child"

Oke
Profile Image for Molly Lyon.
37 reviews5 followers
February 13, 2020
Honestly, this was recommended to me by my therapist and it feels a bit embarrassing to add it to my “read” pile. It’s often hippy-dippy at times but the central message here is an important one. As someone who suffers a lot from feelings of disconnection, it was pretty cool to see I’m not alone and how trauma can disrupt your relationship to yourself. I feel a better person already having just read the book, but for the love of God I wish they’d change the title and cover to something less embarrassing.
Profile Image for Kerry.
1,742 reviews75 followers
August 11, 2017
Much of what this book had to say was credible and helpful. This book gives the reader a way of looking at pain or unhappiness and a technique through which to cope. Using an Inner Child/Inner Adult dichotomy seems appropriate, with the Inner Child expressing emotions and having the potential for great joy, with the Inner Adult being the critical, responsible part of the self who can ignore, reject, scold, or abuse the Inner Child just as an adult might to a real child. The authors suggest that only through being a loving Inner Adult can the Inner Child express itself in a healthy way, and communication and connection between the two leads to harmony with the self and with others. Additionally, the point is made that the Inner Adult might mimic behaviors that the person's real parent practiced when raising their children. If you've ever heard your mother's or father's voice in your head in reaction to something that you did or said, this book might ring true for you.

Distilled into a more universal message, this book is about loving yourself and practicing compassion (to yourself and others) to achieve balance, which is not much different than what other self-help or meditation books suggest. Healing Your Aloneness, however, takes a more specific approach, giving voice to that part of yourself that never achieved closure, that you shame into silence, or that you put off because you "don't have time." Maybe you never let yourself have fun, maybe you carry around baggage, maybe you do things to please others that you don't want to do--if so, the authors say, your Inner Child isn't being nurtured and your Inner Adult isn't being a loving "parent." Whether or not you have/had loving parents, the authors say, it is important to, first of all, be a good "parent" to yourself and not seek out others to provide something that you need unless you can be open through work with the Inner Child. ("Mothering" is one example of an emotional need that can be filled by someone else if the person reaching out is in an "open" state--he or she really wants to share rather than only take something.)

Sometimes it was confusing to read about the two supposed sides of a person's self (especially in the suggested dialogues . . . no matter what pronoun you choose--I, you, we--you end up sounding like you have multiple personalities, which is not quite what is being suggested). And, while some real-life examples were interesting and relevant, the dialogues people had with themselves that went on for pages seemed to repeat similar "reactions" from both Inner Children and Inner Adults of the patients in question.

Though it was less emphasized, the hippy-dippy ideas that an inharmonious Inner Child/Adult leads to illness, or that war and global discord results from too many people not being in touch with their Inner Children were a turnoff.

Overall, however, the useful information outweighed the parts that were not so helpful.
12 reviews3 followers
December 4, 2009
this book was recommended by a good friend as one of the best books he ever read! it was really quite incredible. not for the faint of heart, anyone who would be overcome with fear of cheeziness and have to put it down, or those who would rather not admit or look at or reexperience their pain. it teaches you to journal between your inner adult and your inner child and to lovingly connect with yourself fully. i've never experienced anything like it in my life. the journaling experience it recommends has been awesome. i actually can't imagine not doing it now.
Profile Image for Nic.
64 reviews
May 11, 2021
This was my second time to read this book. I skimmed it several years ago. I think the content is quite important for anyone reckoning with childhood trauma, but the presentation of the "inner child," in my opinion, is too literal. When I think about the inner child in a literal way, I'm left feeling kind of creeped out --as if I'm possessed by some entity outside of my control (please don't spill your kool aid on my book, little Nicole!). I find it more helpful to think of the "inner child" as a metaphor for the subconscious/unconscious. The "inner child," then, is representative of those parts of ourselves that cannot be healed thru the rational mind because the wounds were inflicted when we were preverbal and/or prerational. The healing needs to occur at the subconscious level (e.g. creating and experiencing art; playing with kids; communing with nature; loving selflessly; participating in ritual; etc.). I'm not sure what to say about the exercise in which the reader is asked to use her non-dominant hand to write letters to her inner child ... I'll not dismiss it entirely, but it's not helpful for me because I'm hyper-analytical and can't suspend my inner skeptic for something like this (esp when there's no humor involved). In sum: the book is helpful for gaining an understanding of the various coping mechanisms and addictions we create for ourselves to avoid taking responsibility for our own growth. The concept of the inner child is a bit simplistic and cloying. For a more sophisticated discussion of the same topic, see James Hollis's HAUNTINGS.
Profile Image for Fadeela.
122 reviews60 followers
December 12, 2021
This book is worthwhile reading because it has solid information about inner child and it’s good for everybody but it’s highly recommend if your inner child is abandoned or hurt. You might ask how do I get to know that? If you are struggling in your relationships or if you do not have inner harmony or inner balance or inner peace. If you are unable to connect with your inner child or in other words if there is no connection between your inner adult and your inner child then this book for you.

The only flaw I faced was disability to practice dialoguing with my inner child while reading because I did not buy the workbook. If you are willing to practice while reading it’s better to buy them both. I would have given this book 5 stars if the exercises of each chapter is available in the book.

Quote : The Bible speaks of “the fall” meaning the fall away from God, and states that this is the original sin. We can use this as a metaphor to symbolize the fall away from ourselves, from our inner child. We can see paradise as the connection between the inner adult and the inner child, which leads to wholeness, to the higher self, and to connection with universal God/Goddess love and consciousness. When we disconnect from ourselves and look for comfort and approval from outside of ourselves (the apple) rather than seeking them within, we move into a state of denial of our awareness, and we fall from grace. This is truly is our original sin, a sin against ourselves, against our own inner child, a sin that we each have the power to heal by making a commitment to learn.
Profile Image for Sophie.
58 reviews1 follower
September 14, 2024
das Buch hatte für mich viele spannende Ansätze - aber ganz oft fand ich den Schreibstil einfach nur schrecklich.
Profile Image for Shannon Cox.
84 reviews14 followers
January 10, 2015
I really enjoyed the way it was written. It outlined why the adult-child relationship is important to nurture, why many of us don't, how to fix it, and some of the things that may hold you back along the way, filled with anecdotes and dialogues from patients.
54 reviews
Currently reading
January 23, 2016
This is a very clear and powerful book. It states the truth directly and incisively. (Yes, I wrote the same thing for 'letting go of shame'...it's true in both cases.)
Profile Image for Diana Sharkey.
10 reviews
January 30, 2016
Great companion to Inner Bonding

Gives clarity to the inner bonding process. Suggest the companion workbook for the exercises that help re establish the inner child connection.
Profile Image for Paige.
639 reviews161 followers
November 19, 2022
Read this one for work/career. I have often been a little turned off by "inner child work," but I can see how some of these concepts would be clearly useful for working with some of my clients (but I think a lot of them would have a hard time following through with the dialoging). I love journaling and learning new techniques so I tried it and found it can definitely be insightful. I'm more open to it/curious about it than I was before reading the book. However, I think there are probably better books on the topic out there; there were some things the authors said that I really disagreed with, at times the authors seemed to present contradictory viewpoints that I feel they didn't do enough to reconcile. It was written for the layperson in an accessible style and I think I would benefit from reading more about the theory or a more in depth model of it.
Profile Image for Suzanne.
227 reviews7 followers
May 9, 2021
I bought this book on Amazon end of April.
The book was published in 1990 - more than 30 years ago. This is the first and last version of the book.
The book contains 176 pages and 13 chapters.
I recommend reading one chapter per day.
I think this book is one of the best books I have read so far on Inner Child subject.
The book is very well written, like most of the books at that time.
I got annoyed at the end of the book as I was expecting some real down to action 12 step process, but it was only repetition of what author already said.
Another point, the author writes the Inner child is represented by the 3rd Chakra, I rerun the on-line documentation on that topic, and I disagree, it is 2nd chakra.
As well, 30 years after the publication, the lives we are living are not the same, and the relationships. A pity there is no version speaking about recent examples from their coaching therapy and how to treat them.
Profile Image for Heena Vhora.
45 reviews1 follower
August 3, 2025
DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!
This book was a huge disappointment, it's $10 bucks on Amazon and I really feel like I wasted my money. The first part consists of basic knowledge like how abandonment is not good for you and how codependency is not good for you like I already know this lady move along, get to the point. The second part is the "how." It's no big help either, it consists of dialogues between client and patients or from group therapy but I don't think the way inner-child healing is described here is any helpful. To save money and time, the only actual healing strategy given in this book is to do "dialogue with your inner child" every single day and the rest of it is just some of the problems that come up during the process like how the child may not want to talk to you in the beginning of the process. The rest is bullcrap don't waste your money on this.
Profile Image for Theresa.
145 reviews10 followers
April 30, 2022
Ich hab dieses Buch vor Ewigkeiten aus einem Regal im Bücherladen rausgezogen und hab jetzt über 1 Jahr gebraucht um es zu beenden.

Ich finde Selbsthilfe-Bücher immer sehr schwierig zu bewerten, da es manche mehr und manche weniger hilft. Es ist sehr christlich/spirituell und cisheteronormativ orientiert, wodurch mir manchmal der Zugang fehlt. Außerdem konnte ich oft mit seitenlangen Transcripts von Therapiestunden wenig anfangen.


Trotz der 36. Auflage merkt man sehr, dass das Buch in den 90ern geschrieben wurde. Ich weiß noch nicht, was ich vom Modell des inneren Kindes halten soll (die Website ist sehr christlich orientiert bzgl. Heilung), aber es hat zumindest ein Gutes, da man dadurch sehr auf seine eigenen Bedürfnisse hört, was jeder mehr tun sollte.
Profile Image for Nina.
116 reviews5 followers
October 28, 2021
There are very few books that I know, before I even open it, will change my life. This is one of them. The knowledge I gained in this book will forever ensure me that I nurture my Inner Child, my loving Inner Adult, and listen to my intuition (my Inner Child). I’ll probably re-visit this book several times during this lifetime.
35 reviews
January 24, 2022
Interesting ideas but some parts are redundant because repetitive. Maybe also too many detailed examples. Seems sometimes a bit superficial but I learned more about the concept of "the inner child" so it was worth reading.
Profile Image for Malaika.
136 reviews
January 27, 2025
I listened to 75% of this book and then I decided to DNF. I liked the general idea of the book, but the longer it went on the more it felt like the ultimate goal of the book was for people to have a split personality and personally I don’t think that that is a goal one should work towards.

Besides this basic fact I was also very concerned about the general approach of the book which felt very much like blaming the victim. For example: a woman finds out her husband is having an affair, she confronts him and he says he is having an affair because she isn’t interesting enough for him. The conclusion this book gives that the woman should become more interesting.

It also states that one should treat everyone with love, but never makes an exception for cases of abuse. In all of the examples in the part of the book I read were examples criticizing the women and excusing the behavior of men. Which brings me to the next point: feminine and masculine energies…. That is something I just don’t believe in and it wouldn’t have mattered that much to me if the rest of the book was good, but as mentioned above there were too many negative aspects to finish the book and give it a higher rating.
Profile Image for Raslalique.
36 reviews
March 5, 2021
This book was engaging and the concepts were outlined in a way that lay persons could easily understand. This book opened up the concept of the inner child in a very accessible way for me. This book alone isn't enough to help you to fully access the inner child but it is enough to get you started and to get you relief if you are in pain. I found myself wishing that there was a workbook while I was reading the chapters. Turns out there is one. I would have given the book 5 stars if the material in the workbook was included. I feel that this would make the book live up to its title. This is a solid book. I recommend to others and will be re-reading throughout the years.
Profile Image for Ala.
418 reviews10 followers
September 11, 2025
Healing Your Aloneness is a guide to reconnecting with your Inner Child — the emotional, feeling-part of you often ignored — in order to heal old wounds and cultivate a loving, nurturing Adult self.

It was an eye-opening but tough read; many of the examples resonated so strongly they resurrected emotions I thought I’d already dealt with. What felt uncomfortable at first quickly turned into something powerful as I saw parts of myself in the presented stories. I realized how much my Inner Child had been sidelined, and how much strength there is in bringing him into the light.
Profile Image for Emma Pindra.
15 reviews
Read
July 8, 2020
We go back ... and back... and back ... through the layers of fear, shame, rage, hurt and negative incantations until we discover the exuberant, unencumbered, delightful, and lovable child that was, and still is, in us. And once we find it, we love and cherish it, and never, never let it go. Melody Beattie #quoted
Profile Image for Jennifer.
353 reviews4 followers
February 10, 2021
I read this book shortly after reading Inner Bonding, a book written by one of the authors of this book, Margaret Paul. While I found helpful bits of information in this book, it wasn't as life changing to me as Inner Bonding was. This book gave a bit more detail about how to talk to your inner child, but I think the other book really packed the bigger punch.
Profile Image for Celiné.
51 reviews
July 6, 2021
Musste mich erstmal an die Begriffe inneres Kind und Erwachsener gewöhnen, aber ich habe mich entschieden es einfach hinzunehmen und ich konnte einen Durchbruch mit diesem Buch erreichen.
Ich habe viel über mich gelernt und mehr verstanden, warum Therapie bisher nicht sehr erfolgreich war. Nun bin ich gespannt auf das Arbeitsbuch.
Profile Image for Dominique.
53 reviews8 followers
February 5, 2022
The concept was interesting. The way it was presented was somewhere between psychology and spirituality - I personally chose to ignore the spirituality element of it as that doesn't work for me. Despite this, the book still provided a lot of food for thoughts.
7 reviews
July 6, 2023
Dieses Buch führte mich warm und einfühlsam näher an mein inneres Kind. Nachdem ich bereits ein Jahr immer wieder in die innere Kind Arbeit gegangen bin, war dieses Buch ein schöner Sprung tiefer rein. Toll zu lesen, verständlich, gute Beispiele - absolute Empfehlung.
Profile Image for Malak.
262 reviews1 follower
May 17, 2025
Gentle, insightful, and deeply nurturing. This book offers a powerful framework for reconnecting with your inner child and healing emotional wounds. A comforting guide for anyone seeking wholeness from within.
Profile Image for Amrita Chavan.
7 reviews33 followers
January 1, 2021
Great both insights and tools for integrating one's masculine & feminine, right- & left-brain, inner-adult & inner-child propensities.
43 reviews
September 22, 2022
Totally wrong title for this book. " Wholeness Through Your Inner Child" would be enough.
Profile Image for Ida Wilcox.
1,856 reviews14 followers
November 20, 2023
Healing the child within.

Its on of those books you have to read slowly and more than once.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews

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